Tag Archives: Stigma

The Courtesan Life — My Own Experience

Azteca Goddess

In recent years, I consider myself a courtesan. I have my own definition of it, which is not universal by any means. For me, being a courtesan is, of course, being an ‘elite’ prostitute, yet a courtesan differs in two things:  (1) a courtesan is discerning with her clientele, and (2) has autonomy over her body/business. I have not always been a courtesan; in my initial years, I was a ‘high-end’ prostitute/escort. For some, there is no difference. But for myself, there is a difference. As a courtesan, I attract a slightly different clientele. On the other hand, when I used to work for establishments/agencies, I was available to almost any client that would choose and pay for me.

As a courtesan, I have my own business, I have control over what I do, who I see, how much I charge, and when I want to work. I feel blessed to have this ‘good’ situation as a prostitute, yet I’m mindful of it’s fragility (which I will mention later in this post). For the most part, I see regular clients, and then occasionally I like to advertise and see new clients. Unlike most prostitutes, a courtesan does not see just any man who’s willing to pay — this is the difference. I am picky. Men who contact me are, at first, candidates, and then I sift through those who I feel would be good clients. I can only hope my judgement is good. What has resulted from my ‘sifting’ methods is that I have clients who seek companionship and passionate intimacy. In other words, almost all of my clients want the GFE, or ‘Girlfriend Experience.’

In my previous work, working in agencies/establishment, a lot of clients also wanted GFE, yet the settings played a role in how meetings played out. In an establishment/agency, the limitations are more rigid, such as time limits and rates. It’s less personal in some cases, while meetings can also become quite intimate. After all, I met both my romantic Ex-fiance and my Sheik in a brothel setting. I attracted a variety of men while working ‘inside,’ from men who desired ‘quickies,’ to fetish enthusiasts, to men who desired ‘passionate love-making and conversation.’ To be quite honest, I liked the variety of the brothel setting. Sometimes I miss it. The variety, as a courtesan, is less.

As a courtesan, as mentioned, I attract romantic types. The clients are mostly very lovely. While sifting through candidates, I usually choose highly educated men and/or men who seem soft/affectionate. Seems ideal right? Well, I should feel thankful. But strangely enough, being too passionate and too romantic with various men is sometimes difficult. Most of my clients want to make me cum, kiss my body, kiss my lips, cuddle, talk about life, etc. While it sounds great in theory (because I love those things) it’s very difficult sometimes to do those things with men I DON’T LOVE.

For instance, I met a very sweet client a few months ago. He has such a kind and generous heart. When we meet, he always wants to make sure I feel good. He never demands anything, but always offers to massage me, make me cum via his amazing oral skills, or discuss topics that I am interested in. Again, it sounds ideal, right? I really appreciate him, but I find his sweetness very overbearing. After wards, he will send me very sweet emails and tell me how much he enjoyed our time. There is nothing wrong with him, but I don’t feel any love towards him. I have other clients exactly like him in terms of being loving, devoted — yet with others I might feel some attraction, so it’s tolerable. In cases too overbearing, I may decline to see them again.

I can cum with clients whom I do not desire, of course it feels good at that moment, but then, sometimes, feelings of disgust emerge afterwards — not always, but sometimes I feel disgusted that his lips and tongue have coated every inch of my skin. Again, the ‘disgust’ is the result of not being in love nor attracted to him or his body. I don’t always feel so repulsed by such close intimacy with those I do not love, no. It really depends on my mood and my level of attraction towards someone. There are often times I am so aroused that I will forget my emotions and immerse myself with a client’s body, but I need to be attracted. It becomes tiresome to do it constantly without emotion/genuine attraction. I should mention that it’s typically single men (bachelors) who become overbearing. Married clients, who are sweet like this, are more enjoyable, because they still remember it’s business at the end of the day (actually, sometimes married men can get too attached as well!)

 

Sex Sans Love?

eternallove

Love and attraction erases all those feelings of disgust/indifference. When I love, the very scent/smells/secretions of my lover become my drug, whereas the bodily fluids of someone I don’t love — it’s ghastly.  A very blunt, yet brilliant quote I heard (from the French film ‘Romance X’) said, “I don’t care who stuffs my cunt, but I can’t kiss someone I don’t love.” That statement has truth — the importance of taste and emotion. I do kiss some of my clients, but it can sometimes make me feel sickened — the feeling of attraction is not mutual.

Ironically, despite all that I said, I mentioned I miss the brothel variety of clientele. As a courtesan, I seldomly get clients who just want to fuck and leave. But sometimes, I want that!  At least once in a while — some variety! No romance, no philosophical conversations — just pure lust (ok, not always, but …again…variety is nice!). Often my clients write to me and say sweet and sentimental things like, “I miss you” or “Can’t wait to see you again.” Sometimes, I crave the opposite. They never write things like, “I need your hot pussy.” This relates to my persona as an assertive woman (a Femdom), because most clients do not want to disrespect or anger me.

Why do I attract this type, while some other women attract the opposite? I am a bit dominating in an indirect way. My clients, perhaps, detect that I would never tolerate anything less than politeness and respect. It sounds very arrogant what I am saying, but I am speaking of my ‘facade’  (the way I portray myself, not necessarily the reality). When I am in courtesan mode, I act a certain way, dress and present myself in a certain way that is different from my non-work persona.  As I mentioned, I can dress myself to be a ‘Goddess’ and perform it — but in day to day life I’m rather simple.

 

Pragmatic, Not Arrogant

Arrogance is not an attitude I recommend. But unfortunately, arrogance is something many escorts develop from being paid for their time. One thing I always ask myself is: How can long will I be able to be ‘picky’ with my clients? How long will my charm to besot men last?  I am always mindful that, perhaps, one day I wont be in demand. A courtesan/escort/prostitute must never be too comfortable in their position. Times may be good, exceptional — ideal. But nothing is fixed. One must always prepare for the inevitable — aging, an accident, emotional issues, an economic crisis, loss of regulars clients, etc. Despite my ‘ideal’ situation, I  try to always be mindful that this ‘status’ can be gone in an instant. If I rely too much on my physical looks — I must ask, “How many clients will still desire me if I didn’t have my face and body?” Indeed, some of my regular clients are loyal to my mind, body and soul — not just physical — but still, there is no security this work. Prostitutes can still retain their beauty (inner and outer) and success even when they get older and age (yes). But if one simply lives off their ego and superficiality — the span is very short for such women.

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Filed under The Escorting Business, Types of Prostitutes

Escorts, Clients and the Sex Industry: Questions and Answers # 5

This is Q&A No.5 of a series where I answer questions that viewers type in search engines to locate my blog.

1. What is an Exotic Escort?

exotic-escort

I use the term ‘exotic’ for myself in the context of being ‘different’ as an escort. I differentiate myself in that my cultural roots, ideological outlook and upbringing were rather unique compared to my surroundings. However, now that I look back in retrospect, I should have been more cautious in choosing the word ‘exotic,’ because the term ‘exotic’ is a very Orientalist notion.

Many escorts use the term ‘exotic’ to describe themselves as having a different ‘beauty’ or appearance than the norm of their given setting. For instance, an Asian woman in a predominantly white-dominated sex industry is perceived as ‘exotic,’ because her features are rare and different from the majority.

 

2. Is it harder for an escort who has sex with multiple partners daily to orgasm?

It truly depends on her, as an individual and her personal circumstances. A lot of women suppress (or are oblivious to) their own sexual desires, so thus orgasm might be challenging or nonexistent in their lives. Modern gender roles are a major factor in the suppression of female sexuality, as female pleasure has traditionally been dismissed as irrelevant in popular Western discourse. Discourses that marginalized female sexuality stem from Victorian-era morality. Of course things have changed, as the awareness of female sexual desire is being revived back into society. However, wholesome female sexuality is still quite uncommon. Yes, it appears that women are more sexually ‘open’ compared to the past. But in reality, most women have simply become more sexually objectified. Acting ‘sexy’ gives the illusion that women are more sexually tuned with themselves — but it is an illusion for most, as most are not internally craving for sex. Moreover, a wholesomely, sexually tuned woman would not necessarily need to show it by objectifying nor degrading herself.

Personally, I am an odd one. The more sex I have, the more aroused I am. I must note that being this way is exceptionally rare as an escort — most escorts are like most other women in terms of sexual appetite. As I mentioned in a previous Q&A, having sex with clients has often enhanced my personal sex life. I may or may not get aroused by clients, but it certainly builds up my anticipation for my personal lovers. Having a lot of mediocre sex with clients can sometimes make me intensely crave good intimacy with someone I desire. Equally, having good sex with clients often makes me immensely aroused for my personal lover afterwards. I get really aroused for my lover after another man has just slept with me.

 

3. What do escorts think about older clients?

Old, middle-aged, young…it doesn’t really matter to me. Age does not define how a client will act, so such things are quite irrelevant. I know some other female escorts who prefer older clients because there is a belief that older clients are easier to please. This belief may be held because some older men have a tendency of being more patient and relaxed in their sexuality, whereas younger men are more eager. However, characteristics of all sorts can be found in clients regardless of age, class or ethnic background.

 

4. Do Escorts Give Discounts (Cheaper) for Good Looking Men? Do Escorts Prefer Good Looking Men?

This question actually made me laugh. No! I’d say the majority of escorts would laugh if a man assumed his ‘good looks’ would get him a better deal. Most escorts, such as myself, do not care about looks. An experienced courtesan knows very well that ‘good looks’ have no relevance to our livelihoods. A handsome client does not guarantee that he will be a good sexual lover, a good person or at best, generous. Qualities that I enjoy in clients are generosity, kindness, respect, hygienic, intellect and selflessness in sex (non-demanding) – such things cannot be compensated by superficial aesthetics alone.

This reminded me a client who tried to book with me. He called me and made countless efforts to tell me how ‘handsome’ he was, and how ‘well-endowed’ he was in size. I just rolled my eyes and thought to myself, “You are probably the worst in sex considering you have to convince me of how apparently amazing you are.” I hung up, and refused to see him. Ladies beware: Any man who boasts excessively about his achievements or his ‘amazingness’ is to be avoided. Such men with big egos are usually masking HUGE insecurities and shortcomings. Thankfully, after years of encountering so many men, I know very well that: If it seems too good to be true, it is! Any man who proposes such a ‘larger than life’ offer has a dirty motive behind it, so please be wary of such things.

sensuallips 

5. What to do when a Regular Client Starts Seeing Another Girl?

Don’t do anything. He’s a client. Expect this. Sadly, in the context of modern prostitution, it is more than acceptable for a client to have no responsibility towards an escort. Even if he has seen her multiple times, it is at best a fragile relation with little significance. Of course, not all clients have this ‘neglecting’ intention with escorts. There are clients that stay loyal to one woman. The most most decent clients empathize with an escorts life and feelings — they don’t just see her as an object for their own leisure. However, I’d say not to worry about such matters.
Thankfully, I have always maintained a decent, quality handful of regular clients besides my Sheik. I have known some of them for several years. However, these men are not bound to me in any way. Most of them are married. I see them when they request me, but I do not intervene in their lives further, nor do I let them intervene in my own life. Whether or not my regular clients see other girls or not is not of my concern. I have no expectation of them.

In my days working in a high-end brothel, I saw many escorts get furious when their regular client started seeing another girl. Instead of blaming the client, they often blamed the other escort for allegedly ‘stealing’ her client. But blaming other escorts is hardly valid. Blaming the client is also invalid. It is simply part of the industry. Relationships in this industry are very fluid, so I prepare myself to never take things too seriously.
Sometimes I am unable to see my regular clients because I am busy in my personal life. At times I have even encouraged some of my regular clients to see other escorts. If I had a female friend who’s an escort, then I would recommend my client to see her. If you are an escort who has the notion of ‘hoarding’ clients then you are setting yourself up for disappointment. I have found that my ‘openness’ with clients has made them more loyal to me.

 

6. Do Escorts Like Clients who are ‘Big,’ ‘Well-Endowed?’

From observing conversations with other escorts, most women tend to complain when a client is too big, or too much work (meaning too demanding and takes too long to ejaculate). For instance, if a clients’ size is too big and the intercourse is anticipated to be painful, then we might decline having sex with him. If he is rather large, most of us hope the sex will be quick. Some escorts with very big ego’s will say things like, “I’m not going to risk hurting my pussy with one client, it’s not worth it.” Personally, I have declined to have sex with clients who are too large, because I didn’t feel the potential pain was ‘worth’ my time.

Surprisingly, very ‘big’ men are not common as one may think. Most clients are average in genital size. Many escorts even develop a preference for ‘smaller’ men, because the assumption is that it will do less impact to her body. I prefer average or smaller with clients, because logically it’s easier on my body. However, my preference for my own pleasure is another story. This is probably because the men I enjoy are average or slightly bigger than average — but not too big, no no. Yet those ‘size’ factors, alone, are only one part of the great pleasure they induce upon me. I’ve had ‘smaller’ men also give me great pleasure. If I happen to be aroused on a particular day, I must admit that I do prefer a ‘slightly bigger than average’ size over small. I can recall a few weeks ago I was so aroused one day, and I was meeting a new client. I was immensely full of desire and was hoping that he would be ‘bigger,’ but to my dismay he was like quite small.

However, I should note that penis size does not guarantee pleasure. A lot of men are insecure about their size, but my view is that size is very secondary to giving pleasure to a woman. Pleasure is not just about physical aspects but also relates to mental stimulation and geometric fit of each participantGreat pleasure is never simply mind or body; it is the combination of both. To illustrate this in another way: a beautiful woman may attract someone, but her body alone is not enough to draw genuine and immense longing from another person.  I may attract men with my looks, but when they truly fall in love they fall in love with other elements that are not just physical. Physical attraction, alone, is a very limited and unfulfilling way of experiencing true bliss.

 

7. Is it Bad to Have an Escort Girl for a Girlfriend?

Why is it bad? It is only ‘bad’ because Modern society has a cruel and unjust attitude towards prostitutes. An escort is no different than any other human being. Yes, her lifestyle is different, but she/he is deserving of love, acknowledgement and care just as anyone else. Sadly, society still holds this view that such non-conforming groups are un-deserving of basic human dignity. Such cruel view needs to be challenged.

 

Lovers Embrace

8. Do Escorts Enjoy Having Sex?

I sometimes get annoyed when I repetitively see questions like these, because asking such a question makes the assumption that human emotions can be standardized and generalized like an inanimate product.

I cannot speak on behalf of all escorts, because human beings have a diverse span of emotions, experiences and life circumstances which all form their unique way of viewing life (and viewing others). If an escort likes sex, it does not mean she will like sex with just anyone. Of course not.

As I have stressed before on this blog: things such as chemistry are not ‘learned’ behaviors – no amount of superficial efforts can create chemistry.  Two people desiring each other remains as mysterious today as it has in the past – chemistry is a phenomenon that has no linear explanation.

9. Being an Escort: How to Keep a Normal Life Going with This Double Life I’m Living?

A question what one needs to ask themselves is: what constitutes as being “normal?” Is it obedience to authority? Is it acting like everyone else? It is not questioning the dominant trends or discourses? A lot of the modern norms that exist today serve the purpose of benefiting a system of inequality and dehumanization rather than a humanistic and collectivist purpose. A question I had to ask myself in recent years is: Is there even a point to continue striving for a ‘normal’ life when my life is anything but the norm?

I had mentioned in my blog previously that I make tremendous efforts to conform in public. The way I dress, act and appear is very conforming (normal) from a public perspective. The purpose of conforming is to avoid rejection; I once desperately wanted to belong and be accepted by others. But in the process of appearing normal I was truly rejecting myself. It also became very exhausting trying to play different roles in different settings, so often I just isolated myself as it was the only place I could stop pretending to be someone I was not.

For years after becoming an escort, I struggled with my identity. I didn’t know who I was, and I focused more on what I was expected to be. I was performing several different roles, catering to the needs of everyone else. I was an escort, but I had to conceal this part of my life. How could I look, act and mingle like the majority of people when my experiences, tastes and ideas were totally different? How could I interact with normal women who would probably shun me if they knew my secret lifestyle? This is when I realized that society has made no place for stigmatized persons; for years it was emotionally exhausting feeling I must hide myself all the time.

Other escorts realize their rejection in mainstream society early on, so they find social support among other sex workers. But I couldn’t do this. I felt estranged even among most other escorts — sadly, there is no sense of wholesome solidarity/community among escorts in an Individualistic society. Many escorts are still profoundly influenced by gender role expectations (ironically) and tend to judge each other. I found that escorts usually bond together in their misery. Rather than deal with their pain together in a wholesome manner, they resort to ‘numbing’ their pain together by way of partying, drinking, excessive materialism and/or drug use. “Misery loves company” is a perfect phrase for when escort solidarity does exist. It isn’t only stigmatized persons, but also a lot of seemingly normal people tend to ‘party’ away their misery, because they themselves get tired of trying to live up to an unrealistic ideal placed upon their gender. Social pressures surely can explain why the ‘drinking and party’ culture is so prevalent in Western societies, because drinking allows people to feel artificially comfortable with themselves. Personally, I try my best to avoid such artificial situations. For me, the only place where I could reveal myself is when I was alone. My other outlet is when I fell in love.

Early on, I desired the ‘normal’ life and expectations for a woman: to fall in love, to get married and to have a family. I imagined that I could easily transition into a ‘normal’ life once getting married and settling down. And I almost did it. I stopped working for a long portion when I was with my ex-fiance. But throughout our relationship, I realized that my experiences of being a sex worker prevented me from conforming to the tastes and mannerisms of mainstream society, because I still had to hide myself. My ex-fiance accepted me and never judged me for selling my body, but the struggle remained within myself. In the early years of escorting, I was in denial of the fact that I wasn’t like ‘normal’ girls. I sold my body, but I felt I was better than most escorts because my outside lifestyle and mannerisms were normative. But now, I have come to accept that I am a woman with a totally different outlook compared to the average girl. I see sides of men and their sexuality that most women never see. My experiences have made my life anything but normal. And now I accept it, and I stop trying to look for straight lines.

So can an escort ever live a normal life? Sure, she can pretend her life is normal for outsiders, but inside she will be hiding a lot of emotions. A person can only hide themselves for so long. Sadly, I do not have a sound answer to this question, as there aren’t any wholesome alternatives made for sex workers in a modern context. However, I personally found comfort once I started broadening my knowledge. From a very young age, I have always been fascinated with learning in various ways. One cannot only learn from books, one must also learn from experience too. I was inspired to go to University to soothe my curiosity about human life, cultures, society, politics, and so forth. University exposed me to scholars who analytically critique all aspects of social phenomena. I was introduced to the concept of ‘narratives’ and ‘discourses’ (stereotypes), which made me realize that many widely-held beliefs in society were constructed by particular people to serve a particular agenda. Moreover, norms that exist today are never fixed, and norms differ both historically and culturally. Soon enough, I realized there was no ‘shame’ in my ‘abnormal’ profession, and also realized that other cultures, historically, once held ‘alternative’ lifestyles and sexual practices with high esteem.  It became quite comforting when realizing many intellectual people (in post-modern Social Sciences) are aware how norms are constructed in relation to power, therefore subject to contestation, change and variation. Many scholars in the Arts and Social Science disciplines (gender studies, history, humanities, anthropology, sociology and the like) are relatively open-minded and accepting of alternative lifestyles, as most of their research is to critically analyze social phenomena as opposed to accepting dominant discourses. There are a minority of decent, wholesome people who challenge the unjust notions of society and are in favor of ‘alternative’ lifestyles.

A lot of great films about courtesans and ‘fallen women’ really depict this emotional conflict that many of us face: where a prostitute realizes her place in society is un-welcomed, abnormal, detestable and condemned. Shortly, I will post a list of great films that portray the life and emotions of a prostitute. One of the greatest films about the life and misery of a courtesan is an infamous, old Hindu-Urdu film titled, “Pakeezah.” A translation of a powerful line in the film is when Sahib Jaan (the courtesan) says to her beloved, “wherever you take me, my disgrace will eventually find me.” That line clearly shows her loss of hope, knowing that her soul is irreversibly scarred by her ‘maligned’ experiences.

meena Kumari (Pakeezah)

An excellent analysis of the courtesan film, “Pakeezah” can be found here: http://mrandmrs55.com/2012/04/16/the-immortal-dialogue-of-pakeezah/

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Filed under Facts About the Sex Industry, High-class prostitution, Questions for Escorts And Clients, The Escorting Business, Types of Clients

Prostitutes & Bad Clients – A Scary Experience Overseas

Recently I had my first bad experience with a client. In my half-dozen years in the industry, I have never (thankfully) had a bad or scary experience until now. Prior to the incident, my ego made me feel I was beyond ‘bad’ clients.  Well, reality check: no escort is immune to danger. My recent experience was with a client I trusted….one who crazy for me (but it turned out he was actually crazy). A sex worker must never be naive and too trusting.

A few weeks ago, I feared for my safety. I was in a situation where I felt extremely uncomfortable, and I had lost control of the situation. I was with a regular client of mine, who previously was tolerable and pleasant. However, this time, we were meeting in a different country and he was extremely intoxicated — in other words, sloppy drunk. I had never seen him this way before. I had only brought two condoms, which he pulled off. Without condoms, I told him politely that we can’t have sex, but he insisted we have sex. He sensed my fear, and he must have sensed that I was ready to leave the hotel. He had traveled far from Saudi Arabia to Dubai to see me specifically, so I understand why he felt upset that I was leaving.  However, his actions were not acceptable. When I got up to leave the bed, he grabbed me aggressively. I stood up, and he followed. He tried to pull my body close to his body, so he could penetrate me. Thankfully, he didn’t, but I knew he wasn’t going to let me leave without getting what he wanted. I grabbed my purse and ran to toilet and locked the door. I desperately wanted to leave the hotel room, but I feared to open the door. I feared he would easily grab me, and rape me. The alcohol had totally changed his behaviour, and he was no longer the funny client I had once known. He was not directly rude to me, but the problem was the alcohol had made him lose any sense of respect. While locked inside, I called the hotel reception and asked them to come to the suite. By this time, I was panicking, crying and shaking. The hotel reception came, and I ran out of the room crying. I had a full blown panic attack like I had never experienced before. Moreover, I was thousands of miles away from home in a foreign country. I felt helpless. Even the hotel staff were scared for me because I couldn’t stop crying and shaking. Although nothing severe happened, the fear alone made me break down. I am a strong woman, but physically I am defenceless to man.

Generally, Saudi men have a bad reputation as clients. In my personal experience, however, I had great experiences with Saudi men and am often treated like a Queen by them. But this client was an exception, and it was due to the fact that he was intoxicated out of his mind and lost all sense of decency. A Saudi male friend of mine later told me that drunken Saudi fools like this bad client is sadly common in neighbouring Gulf States (especially Bahrain, where some Saudis go to get pissed drunk, party and have sex with prostitutes — because they can’t do it in their home country).

My bad experience reminded me of other stories I’ve heard from other escorts. Escorts, regardless of their status on the prostitution hierarchy, are sometimes placed in risky situations with their clients. I remember working at a high-class establishment overseas where there was this manipulative client. He preyed on innocent-looking girls. I was one of them, but luckily my ‘innocent’ look is just a front. He was well-dressed, polite and pleasant initially, but during the booking he tried to pull off the condom before sex. To me, he said it was an accident. Luckily, I caught him before he had the chance to violate me. Unfortunately, other escort girls I knew were not so lucky. One girl saw him on her first day in the industry. He pulled off the condom without her knowledge, and ejaculated inside of her. To add to the wound, he pretended it was an accident and blamed her — a psychopath, indeed. After a while, the girls all told their experiences to each other, and we realized this man was intentionally trying to take off the condom. Not only that, the type of girls he chose were all very similar: clean, educated, innocent and ‘good’ girl types. This type of man is a predator, yet none of us girls did anything. We told the owners of the establishment, and they supposedly banned him. But what does banning him do? He can easily go to another establishment or call any agency, and continue violating women. Why didn’t we call the police and have him arrested? The worst part is that prostitutes are not only physically defenceless, but we are also legally helpless when it comes to getting justice. The end result is the same: Prostitutes do not get justice when they are violated by clients. We do not call the police or report the negative incidents. Why? We fear of associating our legal name with the sex industry. I don’t want any association of my name to prostitution, because my family can find out, I will be stigmatized, etc.

Social Stigma makes Prostitutes Vulnerable

Legally, prostitutes may have rights and can get justice in certain countries. But the problem is, the social stigma (and sometimes quasi-legal laws) prevents us from doing so. It would be ideal if we could report incidences without revealing our identity, but we cannot. If something happens to me, will I go to the police? In a severe case, yes, but doing so means I have to ‘out’ myself. Being ‘Out’ in sex-worker slang means to publicly label oneself as a sex worker. For many escorts, it is our biggest fear if others find out that we sell our bodies. Personally, I worry only because society stigmatizes sex workers. For instance, if I ever wanted to apply for a government job in the future,….my chances are effected if my name is associated with illegal work as a prostitute.

The stigmas we face as sex workers adds to our stress.

We are living multiple lives and multiple identities. An escorts life is full of lies, not by choice but by circumstance. These web of lies get exhausting and sometimes I’d rather just retreat from the world than make up stories to explain where the money came from. I don’t want to lie to my family, my lovers or my friends, but do I really have an alternative? Again, I have the agency to make choices in my life……but these choices are deeply influenced by the circumstances that follow. So what’s the solution? Maybe I will have to ‘out’ myself one day if that means protecting myself and others? Experiences like these make me and other sex workers hardened. Many escorts I met are very bitter towards their clients, because they fear to trust anyone. I don’t blame them, especially since they were violated by clients they initially trusted. Of course, not all clients are this way at all, but how do we decide who’s good and who’s not? There are good and bad in all people. Now, my guard is up, but I am not jaded. Thankfully, I can resort the safe arms of my Sheik, my protector.

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Filed under "High-class" prostitution, Facts About the Sex Industry, The Escorting Business