Tag Archives: Sex Industry

Prostitution & Emotional Destruction

wilting-flower

A once vibrant, fragrant flower is wilting away.

Blemished and trampled upon.

A stressed, barren existence remains.

Isolated.

Uprooted from its origins.

Desolate, left to fend for itself.

No water comes to saturate the soil.

No offspring can grow in such an environment.

It is, instead, a place of decay.

A once vibrant, fragrant flower is wilting away.

– Myself


 

exploited-maids

I remember in my early teens, I reunited with my Father. He said words to me. Some of those words were “I love you immensely.” He said his absence in my life was not ‘abandonment.’  But the words he spoke conflicted with the reality of his actions. “I am your Father,” he would say. But where was this “Father” in action? I never knew. 

Years later, as a prostitute, I would be in tears, crying on the floor. In those moments, I realized the difference between words and actions. If my Father loved me as he said, then why was I in this state? What sort of fatherly love would leave me to face to world alone? How was he comfortable not protecting me?

Now, when I hear words, I am reminded that they are just words…….

Love is not a word.

_________________

Below is a beloved Punjabi song with superb lyrics (translated in English) which highlights the abuse of love in modern society:

“In today’s times, romance has become frivolous,
Destroying the divine concept of true love”


 

In Addition, here is a beautiful Persian poem translated in English to inspire hope to the hopeless. A sincere thank you to the kind soul who shared this with me during hard times:

Do Not Grieve

​Your lost Joseph will return to Canaan, do not grieve
This house of sorrows will become a garden, do not grieve
Oh grieving heart, you will mend do not despair
This frenzied mind will return to calm, do not grieve
When the spring of life sets again in the meadows
A crown of flowers you will bear, singing bird, do not grieve
If these turning epochs do not move with our will today
The state of time is not constant, do not grieve
Lose hope not, for awareness cannot perceive the concealed
Behind the curtains hidden scenes play, do not grieve
Oh heart, should a flood of destruction engulf the world
If Noah is at your helm, do not grieve
As you step through the desert in desire of Ka’aba
The thorns may reproach you, do not grieve
Home may be perilous and destination out of reach
But there are no paths without an end, do not grieve
Our state in separation from friends and with demands of foes
The divine who turns circumstance knows all, do not grieve
Hafez, in the corner of poverty and loneliness of dark nights
Until your words echo prayers and lessons of Quran, do not grieve.

-(Hafez) | Sung by Mohammad-Reza Shajarian

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Filed under Dealing with Depression, Emotional Aspects Related to Escorting, My Poetry and Others

Questions and Answers # 6 – Escorts, the Sex Industry, Pleasure, Sexuality

Escorts

1. How Do Prostitutes Please men? What Skills do Prostitutes have to please men? What are sexual techniques of prostitutes?

In my own experience, clients use their skills on me. For the most part, I never had to use any particular ‘skill’ to please them.

I have found questions like these circulating quite often. Since “how do prostitutes please men” is often being asked, then it is apparent there is a huge misconception with the sex industry. This idea that prostitutes are ‘skilled’ in sex is heavily misleading. Generally, it doesn’t require special sexual skill to be a prostitute, even an elite one. Prostitutes do not necessarily use special sexual techniques to entertain clients. Surely, escorts learn over the years about certain desires and become more confident, but it does not mean they require exceptional physical ‘skills’ necessarily. Opening ones legs, or bending over is not really a ‘special’ skill that’s unlike any other conventional sexual script.

As a courtesan, I do not actually have specific ‘skills’ or techniques that I strategically use on my clients. Rather, most of my clients derive their pleasure from pleasing me. They meet me. They see my body. They are besotted by my overall presence. My erotic appeal is, at first, visual….it’s my smile, my eyes, my body language. Otherwise, I do not perform any special sexual manoeuvres to seduce them. I just act myself in the moment, and we go with the flow. Most of the time, clients are already turned on (erect) by just meeting, seeing, talking, or touching the lady of their choosing.

When I first started this job, I really had little knowledge or experience with sex. When clients would meet me, they would be immensely aroused by just looking at me. My beauty, demeanour, and personality ignited their flames. I had no idea, back then, on how to act with clients. My experience is slightly biased, though, because of my body type. My body and the way I conduct myself, somehow, evokes submissiveness in many clients. I have a very womanly body, with very large breasts. Most clients want to, as some say, ‘worship,’ my body. Generally, kissing and caressing my body arouses them, so by the time we have sex, they are ready to explode. And when sweet men kiss and caress my body, with love and care, I am often very receptive to their touch and enjoy the embrace. So in actuality, it is clients who perform their skills on me, initially.

When I connect with certain clients of mine, it’s not so much the acts of sex, but rather the overall connection (the conversation, the caresses, the touches, the comfort). This is unique to every encounter, as it plays out differently with different clients.

The alluring part of seeing prostitutes is the overall setting — the fact there is no social pressures, obligations or expectations. A man can feel more at ease with a prostitute for a variety of reasons. She might be more sexually confident in how she conducts herself, or perhaps open-minded or explorational. Or just the fact she is attractive might be satisfying enough.

Unlike myself, many escorts are not welcoming of pleasure. A lot of the sex that occurs between prostitutes and clients is mechanical, and very ’empty.’ This is due to the reality that most sex workers in a contemporary context are not selling themselves for personal pleasure, but rather purely for financial needs. In such cases, the sex that occurs is often conventional, and not outlandish or strikingly ‘exotic’ as one may think. Clients can still cum even when there is no connection established. On the other hand, the minority of escorts, like myself, who do enjoy aspects of their job, might utilize mental and intellectual skills to connect with clients. The sex becomes special, not because of physical acts, but because of the connection established. As I say numerous times on my blog, amazing sex is based on chemistry of two bodies (a rather spiritual bond that cannot be learned, nor forced through ‘skill.’).

2. How to Behave like a High-Class Prostitute?

I stress the importance of being yourself. There are, unfortunately, some expectations associated with being a high-class prostitute, such as dressing a certain way, or mimicking the ‘elite.’ But honestly, one can still be a high-end prostitute and avoid these things. Some men care about fancy lingerie, while others don’t care at all. Some care about being polished, while others aren’t focused on such details. In essence, no matter how one behaves, an escort can NEVER appeal to all. If one is trying to manipulate their behavior, in order to achieve some sort of  ‘ideal’ or ‘perfect’ persona, they are setting themselves up for disappointment. Yes, even the most beautiful woman (by societies commercialized standards) can be unappealing for certain men, as there is so much variety in attraction.

3. Is it wrong to do sex with an Escort?

It’s ‘wrong’ if you internalize the idea of it being wrong. The mass shame associated with sexuality and sexual expression has a history, which the French philosopher Michel Foucault shows in “A History of Sexuality” is a modern European phenomenon, that emerged in the late  19th Century pertaining to the European obsession with trying to ‘scientifically’ define sex. The remains of these constructed ideas still exist — in social attitudes, in laws, etc. If you understand the history of sexuality, then you will likely understand why many people feel there is ‘shame’ with certain sexualities, sex acts or perhaps an ‘excess’ of it.

Bare in mind that prostitutes/courtesans have existed in other times and places where they were celebrated and held important status in certain societies. The contexts were vastly different than today. The ills of sex work today are related to the current social, political and economic context.

If you sleep with an escort, and you show her respect by being considerate, polite, treating her as an equal and paying her for her time,then how can it be wrong? But if you treat her like unjustly and insignificant, then yes…you are causing harm to another human soul.

rain drops

4. How do Escorts Stay Lubricated? How Does a Prostitute Get Wet?

We use lubrication gels or liquids, and apply them internally before seeing clients. When I first started this work, an older lady (a former prostitute) told a group of sex-workers and I a ‘wise’ technique. She said, “Lubricate yourself before you start the appointment rather than during the appointment. Try to give clients the illusion that you’re naturally wet, rather than letting him the know the reality that we’re not actually turned on.” I have always maintained this technique, but other escorts might apply the lube in front of the client.

Getting a woman aroused, or wet, is psychological; it requires genuine desire and arousal — and it’s impossible for a prostitute to feel genuine arousal with all of her clients. I get aroused in stances where I feel genuine attraction with someone I desire — and I am extremely picky in my attraction to others. Some of my clients I enjoy in sex, so in such cases I can bypass lubricants with them.

5. Do Sex Workers have Perfect Bodies?

This question really bothers me, because there is no such thing as one type of perfect body. Sadly, many people live in consumer, capitalistic societies where they are manipulated into believing that a shallow perfection exists. Thus, such manipulation makes one believe they are flawed and need to ‘improve’ themselves. What is perfection? Perfection, as with beauty, is in the eye of the beholder, subjective — there is no one type, or ‘ideal’ for all. This is the case in escorting, because what is ‘perfect’ for one client vastly differs from another. There are escorts of all shapes and sizes. Don’t fall for these tactics of believing in a perfect body type or look.

6: Do Escorts Prefer Rich Men?

I have wanted to address this question for a long time, because there is a stereotype of prostitutes willing to have sex with any man who offers them money. Some are more/less discerning than others. There is also an assumption that prostitutes strongly prefer wealthy men. My own personal preferences may differ from other escorts, because I prefer quality over quantity.  As a courtesan, I see clients very discerningly and sparingly. I am very picky with whom I see as clients, because I want to meet men whom I can potentially enjoy.  Thus, I choose men who I think will be a positive experience — regardless of social status. Wealth doesn’t imply decency, respect, pleasure, or even generosity. My brothel experiences, however, saw more variety of clients, less discerningly.

Indeed, escorts do love men whom are generous. But over the years, I have learnt that generosity does not mean one is necessarily rich or wealthy. I have met generous men from all social statures. Just because someone has a fancy job and wears fancy clothing does not mean he will be a good client, good at sex, or have a good heart, etc. Some clients may offer lots of money, yet at the compromise of an escorts comfort-level or dignity. When I lived overseas in a bigger city, there was a very tragic abundance of wealthy business men, who offered HUGE sums of money to high-class escorts to ‘party’ with them. By ‘party’ I am referring to doing drugs. Sadly, many escorts are lured to these clients because of the big pay-out. But is large sums of money worth the terrible, soul-less atmosphere? I try my best to avoid these type of clients. But sadly, many escorts do not. I feel sad when I see women chase certain wealthy men, whom have rather ‘soul-less’ attitudes and values. The money is not worth the degradation and consequences that follow. Indeed, not all wealthy clients are soul-less, as there are some wealthy clients whom, thankfully, retain humbleness.

I absolutely loath arrogant and chauvinist types (men who boast about their successes and money). I don’t care how much money is offered, my comfort is always first. For instance, I got a email the other day from a man who claimed to be a “wealthy business man.” I’m well aware of so-called ‘charming’ clients, so I rolled my eyes whilst reading his email. I have met lovely generous and/or wealthy men who do NOT need to boast about their financial success, so I am very skeptical about arrogant types. Anyway, this man had offered me a large sum of money for a multi-hour appointment. To top off his arrogance, he had to mention that he would be driving his self-claimed ‘luxury’ car. After I finished reading his email, I shook my head in dismay. Does he really think I am that stupid and shallow? Considering he’s that superficial, he will most likely be judging me on the same superficial basis. I could only imagine how uncomfortable I’d be with such an arrogant person. I wanted to email him back and give him a piece of my mind: “I am not interested in your money or car. I am not a senseless woman who is easily swayed by someone who’s only quality is his money!” But instead, I just ignored the email.

I have also had decent clients who have wanted to get more personal, and they made generous offers. But I was not comfortable with seeing them outside, such as dinners, outings or traveling. So I declined. Again, I don’t care how much money is offered, I will not go past my comfort level.

Looks can be misleading, so I learnt to not judge by first appearances. I will never forget one of my sweetest clients. It was in a brothel. When I first saw him, I felt scared. He was an extremely tall and broad man, with a very stern and hard looking face, and dressed in rugged, working-class attire — he looked like he would snap me in half. But as soon as we entered the bedroom, I heard his voice. He was a soft, gentle, sweet man. His intimidating appearance was softened instantly. He turned out to be extremely gifted in giving pleasure. He also gave me very generous tips after every appointment, which initially I found to be shocking because he looked rather rugged! There have been many others like him, where I misjudged upon first appearance, only to be later impressed by their kindness and generosity afterwards. Likewise, a client could be well-dressed, wearing expensive designer items, boasting of their successes, and voila, they turn out to be cheap. You can afford a Mercedes, and yet you are asking a prostitute for a discount?

Overall, great clients cannot be defined by their money. I have always liked humble men, who have kind hearts and good intentions, which comes in all walks of life. What saddens me is that escorts can be cruel themselves. When I was working in a brothel, I observed it was common for escorts to be rude to ‘unattractive’ or socially nervous clients. These were men who were  kind and sweet, yet because they appeared ‘uncool’ or timid they were treated cruelly by some escorts. I try my best not to judge clients on initial appearances, but rather judge by how they treat me. A genuinely warm heart and kind soul makes someone attractive in my eyes. So in essence, there is good and bad in all people, in all walks of life.

My Sheik is not from a wealthy Saudi family. I mistakenly assumed he was a wealthy Saudi, because he has always been extremely generous with me, starting from the first day we met. In reality, however, he is simply blessed with a highly skilled profession and education, accompanied by a very handsome salary. But he has no familial support. I used to wonder why he is extremely loving, devoted, and generous with me. Thanks to him, almost 3 years of my life have been eased by his sweetness. Despite all that he’s given, he never put conditions upon me. Instead, he let me control him, in an affectionate way. I have realized that those who have less often appreciate the value of something more than those whom have everything. My Sheik is so humble, which is why I love him so much. Blessed is his beautiful heart.

7: How would married men (who see escorts) feel if their wives slept with other men?

I was surprised to see this question. It’s funny, because I’ve often toyed this question with my own married clients: “How would you feel if your wife was sleeping with another man?” And funny enough, most of them said, “I wouldn’t accept it.”

8: Do Escorts Prefer Good Looking Men?

Looks are subjective. Personality is key. A beautiful personality can make everything beautiful — the way he talks, the way he touches, etc. A man who is only physically handsome isn’t really meaningful (in my personal view).

9. How to Drop a Fetish and Enjoy Normal Sex?

One should be cautious about the term ‘normal,’ which is why I always put quotations around this word. Norms are socially and culturally constructed, and thus norms mean different things in differing contexts. I was shocked to see this question, and then felt sad for whomever asked it. It’s so tragic that mainstream ideas of sex are so limiting, and that certain desires are categorized outside of the realm of ‘normal.’

Anything considered ‘normal/abnormal’ is simply a construction of a particular society. Norms change, and norms often reflect the interests of state power. Contemporary political elites promote what they constructed as ‘normal’ sex in a ‘normal’ relationship simply because they were/are concerned with reproduction — reproducing their workforce, their armies — which thereby sustains their power.  This is why ‘other’ sexualities are often stigmatized and/or condemned (via state/national campaigns), because any ‘uncontrolled’ relations that do not result in maintaining state power are seen as threatening. Thus, various discourses arise trying to convince populations to follow the ‘norm.’

Building off the work of Foucault, cultural anthropologist Gayle Rubin (1984) wrote the history about how sex ‘norms’ were categorized into ‘norms’ in the late 19th century by European medical professionals. Constructing these norms, of course, correlated with state political agendas — regulating the sexual lives of populations to maintain state interests. These sex ‘norm’ categorizations are widely critiqued and dismissed by academics now, yet sadly these sex ‘norms’ discourses still exist in mainstream society.  

In the chart below, Rubin illustrates what was constructed as ‘normal’ and ‘abnormal’ sex by Western medical professionals in the late 19th century. The acts in the inner circle are were deemed ‘normal,’ whilst the acts on the periphery were ‘abnormal’ acts. This mode of thinking is problematic on so many levels, making many false assumptions on sexuality. Tragically, these Victorian sexual norms prevailed as the West spread their dominance globally, and sadly many people still adhere to this discourse:

gayle-rubin-chart

What’s tragic is when people internalize this construction of what is ‘normal’ and therefore associate shame with anything ‘out of the norm.’ In reality, there has always been a diversity of sexual desires, and sexuality has been defined in vast different ways in other social and cultural contexts. One should be cautious of viewing certain things in strictly binary terms (good/bad, normal/abnormal, hetero/homo, etc).

Rather than drop a ‘fetish’, it’s better to find a partner who will embrace your desires. Erase this idea of ‘proper’ ways of having sex, because in reality there is are many ways of enjoying pleasure.

10. How Fast do Men Cum/Ejaculate with Escorts?

Clients are usually quite excited when meeting an escort, so most do not last long in sex. In some cases, men come even before the sex happens, just through touching. It’s common for clients to last under a minute. Some clients are embarrassed of cumming fast, and many try to last longer (fearing the escort will judge his performance). I cannot recall how many times clients have apologized to me for ejaculating quickly.

A lot of clients who cum fast try to compensate for their briefness in sex, so they spend a lot of time giving the woman pleasure beforehand. This has been my experience at least. I am sure many clients don’t care if they come fast, and don’t care what the escort thinks of their performance. But in my own experience, I find most of my clients (especially regular clients) want to perform good for me. They want to prolong the pleasure, so they spend time teasing me.

I’d imagine the whole idea of seeing an escort is exciting and arousing, so it’s not surprising when men release fast. They are usually instantly hard before we even start touching, and they get excited from just feeling my body.

11. How to Make a Prostitute Hornier?

Well firstly, be mindful if a prostitute has expressed an interest in exploring her sexuality with you. She might not be willing. What if she’s not really interested in sex? What if she’s not attracted to you?  One cannot force someone to get aroused.

Every woman is different in her sexual expression and desires, so it’s impossible to say what makes a prostitute, generally, horny. Bare in mind that many prostitutes are not very welcoming when clients try to get too intimate. In my case, I’m in the minority of prostitutes who does embrace pleasure with clients. For me, I am quite responsive to clients who are extremely respectful and make me feel completely relaxed. If they genuinely enjoy to massage and caress my whole body, in a way that makes me feel relaxed, then I usually feel somewhat turned on. On the other hand, I’m easily turned off by clients who assume they know what they are doing in sex and foreplay, in an arrogant manner. I’ve discussed this with other escorts too, and we agree that ‘demanding’ or overly confident clients are really annoying. For instance, I had a client who was fond of my breasts. He grabbed my boobs and played with them, but his touch was really rough (usually most men are very gentle). It was tolerable, so I let him do it, because he seemed really enjoy it. Whilst he was fondling me, he kept saying “You like it, don’t you…feel’s good, doesn’t it?” I actually found it really funny, and I just played along. After he came, he asked me if I enjoyed his fondling of my breasts. I wanted to laugh. He was terrible. He didn’t turn me on at all. He was far too rough, and he didn’t even have the decency of asking what I like. Since he was quite arrogant, I told him I wasn’t impressed. Thankfully, most clients are not like him. Lovely men are usually gentle and slow to start, and they take direction from the woman, observe her responses, and respect her level of comfort.

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Filed under "High-class" prostitution, Questions for Escorts And Clients, The Escorting Business

Escorts, Clients and the Sex Industry: Questions and Answers # 5

This is Q&A No.5 of a series where I answer questions that viewers type in search engines to locate my blog.

1. What is an Exotic Escort?

exotic-escort

I use the term ‘exotic’ for myself in the context of being ‘different’ as an escort. I differentiate myself in that my cultural roots, ideological outlook and upbringing were rather unique compared to my surroundings. However, now that I look back in retrospect, I should have been more cautious in choosing the word ‘exotic,’ because the term ‘exotic’ is a very Orientalist notion.

Many escorts use the term ‘exotic’ to describe themselves as having a different ‘beauty’ or appearance than the norm of their given setting. For instance, an Asian woman in a predominantly white-dominated sex industry is perceived as ‘exotic,’ because her features are rare and different from the majority.

 

2. Is it harder for an escort who has sex with multiple partners daily to orgasm?

It truly depends on her, as an individual and her personal circumstances. A lot of women suppress (or are oblivious to) their sexual desires, so thus orgasm might be challenging or nonexistent in their lives. Modern gender roles are a major factor in the suppression of female sexuality, as ‘her pleasure’ has been traditionally dismissed as irrelevant in popular discourse. Discourses that marginalized female sexuality stem from influential Victorian morality. Of course things have changed, as the awareness of female sexual desire is being revived back into society. However, the asymmetrical gender binary of masculinity/femininity remain institutionalized in almost every factor of modern society, and thus remain influential in cultural attitudes.

Personally, the more sex I have, the more aroused I am.  As I mentioned in a previous Q&A, having sex with clients has often enhanced my personal sex life. I may or may not get aroused by clients, but it certainly builds up my anticipation for my personal lovers. Having a lot of mediocre sex with clients can sometimes make me intensely crave good intimacy with someone I desire. Equally, having good sex with clients often makes me immensely aroused for my personal lover afterwards. I get really aroused for my lover after another man has just slept with me.

 

3. What do escorts think about older clients?

Old, middle-aged, young…it doesn’t really matter to me. Age does not define how a client will act, so such things are quite irrelevant. I know some other female escorts who prefer older clients because there is a belief that older clients are easier to please. This belief may be held because some older men have a tendency of being more patient and relaxed in their sexuality, whereas younger men are more eager. However, characteristics of all sorts can be found in clients regardless of age, class or ethnic background.

 

4. Do Escorts Give Discounts (Cheaper) for Good Looking Men? Do Escorts Prefer Good Looking Men?

This question actually made me laugh. No! I’d say the majority of escorts would laugh if a man assumed his ‘good looks’ would get him a better deal. Most escorts, such as myself, do not care about looks. An experienced courtesan knows very well that ‘good looks’ have no relevance to our livelihoods. A handsome client does not guarantee that he will be a good sexual lover, a good person or at best, generous. Qualities that I enjoy in clients are generosity, kindness, respect, hygienic, intellect and selflessness in sex (non-demanding) – such things cannot be compensated by superficial aesthetics alone.

This reminded me a client who tried to book with me. He called me and made countless efforts to tell me how ‘handsome’ he was, and how ‘well-endowed’ he was in size. I just rolled my eyes and thought to myself, “You are probably the worst in sex considering you have to convince me of how apparently amazing you are.” I hung up, and refused to see him. Ladies beware: Any man who boasts excessively about his achievements or his ‘amazingness’ is to be avoided. Such men with big egos are usually masking HUGE insecurities and shortcomings. Thankfully, after years of encountering so many men, I know very well that: If it seems too good to be true, it is! Any man who proposes such a ‘larger than life’ offer has a dirty motive behind it, so please be wary of such things.

sensuallips 

5. What to do when a Regular Client Starts Seeing Another Girl?

Don’t do anything. He’s a client. Expect this. Sadly, in the context of modern prostitution, it is more than acceptable for a client to have no responsibility towards an escort. Even if he has seen her multiple times, it is at best a fragile relation with little significance. Of course, not all clients have this ‘neglecting’ intention with escorts. There are clients that stay loyal to one woman. The most most decent clients empathize with an escorts life and feelings — they don’t just see her as an object for their own leisure. However, I’d say not to worry about such matters.
Thankfully, I have always maintained a decent, quality handful of regular clients besides my Sheik. I have known some of them for several years. However, these men are not bound to me in any way. Most of them are married. I see them when they request me, but I do not intervene in their lives further, nor do I let them intervene in my own life. Whether or not my regular clients see other girls or not is not of my concern. I have no expectation of them.

In my days working in a high-end brothel, I saw many escorts get furious when their regular client started seeing another girl. Instead of blaming the client, they often blamed the other escort for allegedly ‘stealing’ her client. But blaming other escorts is hardly valid. Blaming the client is also invalid. It is simply part of the industry. Relationships in this industry are very fluid, so I prepare myself to never take things too seriously.
Sometimes I am unable to see my regular clients because I am busy in my personal life. At times I have even encouraged some of my regular clients to see other escorts. If I had a female friend who’s an escort, then I would recommend my client to see her. If you are an escort who has the notion of ‘hoarding’ clients then you are setting yourself up for disappointment. I have found that my ‘openness’ with clients has made them more loyal to me.

 

6. Do Escorts Like Clients who are ‘Big,’ ‘Well-Endowed?’

From observing conversations with other escorts, most women tend to complain when a client is too big, or too much work (meaning too demanding and takes too long to ejaculate). For instance, if a clients’ size is too big and the intercourse is anticipated to be painful, then we might decline having sex with him. If he is rather large, most of us hope the sex will be quick. Some escorts with very big ego’s will say things like, “I’m not going to risk hurting my pussy with one client, it’s not worth it.” Personally, I have declined to have sex with clients who are too large, because I didn’t feel the potential pain was ‘worth’ my time.

Surprisingly, very ‘big’ men are not common as one may think. Most clients are average in genital size. Many escorts even develop a preference for ‘smaller’ men, because the assumption is that it will do less impact to her body. I prefer average or smaller with clients, because logically it’s easier on my body. However, my preference for my own pleasure is another story. This is probably because the men I enjoy are average or slightly bigger than average — but not too big, no no. Yet those ‘size’ factors, alone, are only one part of the great pleasure they induce upon me. I’ve had ‘smaller’ men also give me great pleasure. If I happen to be aroused on a particular day, I must admit that I do prefer a ‘slightly bigger than average’ size over small. I can recall a few weeks ago I was so aroused one day, and I was meeting a new client. I was immensely full of desire and was hoping that he would be ‘bigger,’ but to my dismay he was like quite small.

However, I should note that penis size does not guarantee pleasure. A lot of men are insecure about their size, but my view is that size is very secondary to giving pleasure to a woman. Pleasure is not just about physical aspects but also relates to mental stimulation and geometric fit of each participantGreat pleasure is never simply mind or body; it is the combination of both. To illustrate this in another way: a beautiful woman may attract someone, but her body alone is not enough to draw genuine and immense longing from another person.  I may attract men with my looks, but when they truly fall in love they fall in love with other elements that are not just physical. Physical attraction, alone, is a very limited and unfulfilling way of experiencing true bliss.

 

7. Is it Bad to Have an Escort Girl for a Girlfriend?

Why is it bad? It is only ‘bad’ because Modern society has a cruel and unjust attitude towards prostitutes. An escort is no different than any other human being. Yes, her lifestyle is different, but she/he is deserving of love, acknowledgement and care just as anyone else. Sadly, society still holds this view that such non-conforming groups are un-deserving of basic human dignity. Such cruel view needs to be challenged.

 

Lovers Embrace

8. Do Escorts Enjoy Having Sex?

I sometimes get annoyed when I repetitively see questions like these, because asking such a question makes the assumption that human emotions can be standardized and generalized like an inanimate product.

I cannot speak on behalf of all escorts, because human beings have a diverse span of emotions, experiences and life circumstances which all form their unique way of viewing life (and viewing others). If an escort likes sex, it does not mean she will like sex with just anyone. Of course not.

As I have stressed before on this blog: things such as chemistry are not ‘learned’ behaviors – no amount of superficial efforts can create chemistry.  Two people desiring each other remains as mysterious today as it has in the past – chemistry is a phenomenon that has no linear explanation.

9. Being an Escort: How to Keep a Normal Life Going with This Double Life I’m Living?

A question what one needs to ask themselves is: what constitutes as being “normal?” Is it obedience to authority? Is it acting like everyone else? It is not questioning the dominant trends or discourses? A lot of the modern norms that exist today serve the purpose of benefiting a system of inequality and dehumanization rather than a humanistic and collectivist purpose. A question I had to ask myself in recent years is: Is there even a point to continue striving for a ‘normal’ life when my life is anything but the norm?

I had mentioned in my blog previously that I make tremendous efforts to conform in public. The way I dress, act and appear is very conforming (normal) from a public perspective. The purpose of conforming is to avoid rejection; I once desperately wanted to belong and be accepted by others. But in the process of appearing normal I was truly rejecting myself. It also became very exhausting trying to play different roles in different settings, so often I just isolated myself as it was the only place I could stop pretending to be someone I was not.

For years after becoming an escort, I struggled with my identity. I didn’t know who I was, and I focused more on what I was expected to be. I was performing several different roles, catering to the needs of everyone else. I was an escort, but I had to conceal this part of my life. How could I look, act and mingle like the majority of people when my experiences, tastes and ideas were totally different? How could I interact with normal women who would probably shun me if they knew my secret lifestyle? This is when I realized that society has made no place for stigmatized persons; for years it was emotionally exhausting feeling I must hide myself all the time.

Other escorts realize their rejection in mainstream society early on, so they find social support among other sex workers. But I couldn’t do this. I felt estranged even among most other escorts — sadly, there is no sense of wholesome solidarity/community among escorts in an Individualistic society. Many escorts are still profoundly influenced by gender role expectations (ironically) and tend to judge each other. I found that escorts usually bond together in their misery. Rather than deal with their pain together in a wholesome manner, they resort to ‘numbing’ their pain together by way of partying, drinking, excessive materialism and/or drug use. “Misery loves company” is a perfect phrase for when escort solidarity does exist. It isn’t only stigmatized persons, but also a lot of seemingly normal people tend to ‘party’ away their misery, because they themselves get tired of trying to live up to an unrealistic ideal placed upon their gender. Social pressures surely can explain why the ‘drinking and party’ culture is so prevalent in Western societies, because drinking allows people to feel artificially comfortable with themselves. Personally, I try my best to avoid such artificial situations. For me, the only place where I could reveal myself is when I was alone. My other outlet is when I fell in love.

Early on, I desired the ‘normal’ life and expectations for a woman: to fall in love, to get married and to have a family. I imagined that I could easily transition into a ‘normal’ life once getting married and settling down. And I almost did it. I stopped working for a long portion when I was with my ex-fiance. But throughout our relationship, I realized that my experiences of being a sex worker prevented me from conforming to the tastes and mannerisms of mainstream society, because I still had to hide myself. My ex-fiance accepted me and never judged me for selling my body, but the struggle remained within myself. In the early years of escorting, I was in denial of the fact that I wasn’t like ‘normal’ girls. I sold my body, but I felt I was better than most escorts because my outside lifestyle and mannerisms were normative. But now, I have come to accept that I am a woman with a totally different outlook compared to the average girl. I see sides of men and their sexuality that most women never see. My experiences have made my life anything but normal. And now I accept it, and I stop trying to look for straight lines.

So can an escort ever live a normal life? Sure, she can pretend her life is normal for outsiders, but inside she will be hiding a lot of emotions. A person can only hide themselves for so long. Sadly, I do not have a sound answer to this question, as there aren’t any wholesome alternatives made for sex workers in a modern context. However, I personally found comfort once I started broadening my knowledge. From a very young age, I have always been fascinated with learning in various ways. One cannot only learn from books, one must also learn from experience too. I was inspired to go to University to soothe my curiosity about human life, cultures, society, politics, and so forth. University exposed me to scholars who analytically critique all aspects of social phenomena. I was introduced to the concept of ‘narratives’ and ‘discourses’ (stereotypes), which made me realize that many widely-held beliefs in society were constructed by particular people to serve a particular agenda. Moreover, norms that exist today are never fixed, and norms differ both historically and culturally. Soon enough, I realized there was no ‘shame’ in my ‘abnormal’ profession, and also realized that other cultures, historically, once held ‘alternative’ lifestyles and sexual practices with high esteem.  It became quite comforting when realizing many intellectual people (in post-modern Social Sciences) are aware how norms are constructed in relation to power, therefore subject to contestation, change and variation. Many scholars in the Arts and Social Science disciplines (gender studies, history, humanities, anthropology, sociology and the like) are relatively open-minded and accepting of alternative lifestyles, as most of their research is to critically analyze social phenomena as opposed to accepting dominant discourses. There are a minority of decent, wholesome people who challenge the unjust notions of society and are in favor of ‘alternative’ lifestyles.

A lot of great films about courtesans and ‘fallen women’ really depict this emotional conflict that many of us face: where a prostitute realizes her place in society is un-welcomed, abnormal, detestable and condemned. Shortly, I will post a list of great films that portray the life and emotions of a prostitute. One of the greatest films about the life and misery of a courtesan is an infamous, old Hindu-Urdu film titled, “Pakeezah.” A translation of a powerful line in the film is when Sahib Jaan (the courtesan) says to her beloved, “wherever you take me, my disgrace will eventually find me.” That line clearly shows her loss of hope, knowing that her soul is irreversibly scarred by her ‘maligned’ experiences.

meena Kumari (Pakeezah)

An excellent analysis of the courtesan film, “Pakeezah” can be found here: http://mrandmrs55.com/2012/04/16/the-immortal-dialogue-of-pakeezah/

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Your Questions, My Answers #4 – The Sex Industry and Human Sexuality

I love checking my stats for this blog and seeing the numerous search engine terms. It gives an idea of what people think about prostitutes. One thing that pops up very often is the question: do prostitutes get pleasure? I answered that question in previous posts. But I should restate it: we have sex with clients for money, not out of pleasure (even though some of us enjoy some clients). The other common misconception is that many people assume a whore (a woman who loves sex) is synonymous with a prostitute (a woman who has sex for money). Ahh…it is interesting how we live in a world that’s obsessed with sex, yet is still so confined to norms and social attitudes. Why is it such an issue? Well, human sexuality was made political (causing a moral panic) since the 19th century in the Modern context. Why? Sexuality is associated with reproduction. What is the most important thing to national leaders? To reproduce their society, so they can gain dominance in this competitive (poisoned), capitalistic world. Anyway, I won’t get in to that now….

 

Your Question: Should I get a female prostitute for my wife?

If its her idea, sure. Be sure to find a quality and genuinely sensual private escort (finding an escort who is genuinely in tune with her sexual desires — such as being intimate with other women — is not easy). Bare in mind, many escorts are willing to do ‘girl-on-girl’ for the money, but I cannot tell you how many times I’ve witness ‘girl-on-girl’ appointments where the experience was completely mechanical and fake. I’ve always fantasized to have a beautiful, wholesome woman to be my client. Or vice versa: I have the fantasy of being a patron for a beautiful, wholesome courtesan. But it’s just not common having a beautiful woman seek an escort (unless, in rare cases, she’s with her male partner).

Once I saw a couple. It was the woman who wanted to live out this fantasy. It was a very great experience. The woman was not particularly my type, but regardless she was lovely. I cannot explain the intensity of touching and caressing a woman while a man is getting so turned on by the very sight. Both a man and woman’s body is interesting for me, so I didn’t mind exploring a woman who wasn’t exactly my ideal. She made me cum, while her lover watched. It made me wonder if such openness between couples is a truly a good thing?

While some fantasies sound good in theory, are they good in reality? I used to tell my ex about my threesome fantasies. He loved when we talked about it, but he said that he would never do it. Why not? He said it wasn’t healthy for a relationship. His argument was this: if we do it once, then what if one of us has uncontrollable urges to do it again and again? I embrace being open in a relationship, but sometimes having no limits can cause havoc.

 

Your Question: As an Escort, How Much Should I Charge clients?

Basic economics 101: It’s the law of supply and demand, which varies from city to city. For instance, there are an abundance of ‘inexpensive’ women available in my locale. More women = lower prices. Less women = higher prices.  Dave Chapelle made a hilarious joke related to this, “If Pussy was a stock, then we’ve flooded the market! Women are giving it away too easy.

My price is in the higher-end range for my city, which also means I limit my clientele (since many men cannot afford my rate/rather restrictive rules). I adjust my rate depending on which city I am in. When I worked overseas the particular city was wealthier and therefore I could increase my price. There is a demand for ‘high-quality’, safe escorts for a more discerning clientele, but these type of women are a minority in the sex industry.

I must also note that not every girl can successfully charge high rates. Men have certain expectations with women who charge higher-than-average rates. For one, an expensive escort is expected to be exceptional in some way, whether it’s beauty, intellectual or sensuality (or perhaps the entire combination). Although part-time, I consider myself a very skilled courtesan. Over the years, I learned how to cater to the needs of a client and how to act like the companion that he desires. If a woman does not satisfy the expectations associated with her price, then she will not have repeat clients. She must be ‘worth it’, but again, one’s worth is also a perception.

 

Your Question: What do Girls do after Appointments?

We eat! I don’t know what it is about sex, but hunger and thirst follows afterwards. It’s a universal among escorts that we love eating (especially when we work in a brothel establishment together). We order food in abundance. Sometimes we make our clients wait so we can eat some chocolate or delicious delicacies. To be quite honest, I miss the ‘in between time’ when working at a brothel. The ‘in between time’ is when girls have a break in between seeing clients. We sit together, a group of girls (hopefully a good group — because escorts are infamous for their cattiness towards each other), we order food, some smoke cigarettes, we tease and laugh about our clients, and we discuss the most vulgar subjects. Many times the night turned into an all-girl party; we all made money, celebrated and laughed until it hurts. As an independent, I don’t get to experience any of that ‘female bonding’ anymore (which is also a good thing….escorts can be terrible influences on each other).

The ‘good’ girls never last long at brothels…they eventually move on to something or somewhere else. There used to be a good group of escort girls that I knew when I worked overseas. These girls made going to work fun. They were girls with other goals besides sex-work. Eventually the group disintegrated and we went our separate ways. It was during these female ‘in-between’ bonding times that I got to observe a lot of behaviors/realities/circumstances for women who are in the sex industry. Yet for the short time we shared together, we gave each other support.

 

Your Question: How to “fuck prostitutes and not get caught by wife?”

This mentality makes me cringe sometimes. I understand social pressures and not wanting to break-up the family, but the sneakiness of infidelity is alarming. The only infidelity that I don’t really condemn is with men who’ve been married for a lengthy time, and their wives (due to old age, disability, no interest, etc) do not have sex anymore.  But I do not feel sympathy for younger men, especially newly married men, who cheat on their wives just for the sake of ‘variety.’ If variety is what you desire, then opt for an open relationship or don’t get into a relationship with someone who expects monogamy. If only there was more openness in relations.

Once, I met a great client who was in an open relationship (his wife knew he was seeing me). They were a loving couple with children. They were educated and realistic about their needs. They had a private, semi-open relationship, complete with set boundaries. Both were permitted to see other people within reason, but the main restriction was: no sex with others. And that man, as a client, was utmost respectful of his wife’s restrictions and remained disciplined. Their relationship made me more warm towards the idea of an open-relationship (something I haven’t tried …it’s always been one-sided, in my favor).

Sadly, many men do go to lengths to hide their sexual affairs. They get private mobile phones, they slip away for an hour or so, and even bring their own soap. One of my married clients brings his own body-wash, because he worries that my ‘girly-scented’ soaps will make his wife suspicious.

 

Your Question: Why would an Escort want to stop seeing a client?

Well, as mentioned, some men develop strong feelings for us (which can make us uncomfortable). It’s problematic when the love is one sided (he falls in love, and we just liked him as a client only). Love is an irreversible thing…I can’t just tell a man to ‘stop loving me’ and he will switch his emotions off. Sometimes these men can also interfere with our personal lives, which gets overbearing. When I was overseas, I had a devoted client who fell in love with me, and we became quite close. However, I only just saw him as a favorable regular client of mine. He became obsessive, and I had to end it. (I will talk about him in a future post). There are also issues of morality. In rare cases, it is the escort who truly likes a client, and thus she might feel uncomfortable to continue seeing him as a client (but in most cases, it’s usually the first scenario mentioned above).

It might be shocking to know that I, as a sex worker, have my own morals. Sometimes clients are too candid about their personal lives. They openly tell me they are married or attached, or they have children, or their life stories, etc. In my brothel days, one particular client told me too many personal details about his life, and as a result I rejected him. Why? He was a very sweet man, but his life circumstances conflicted with my morals. When I first met him, his wife (as he told me) was heavily pregnant with their second child. He said he was working two jobs to make a good life for his family. He claimed his wife being pregnant as an excuse for no intimacy between them. He also stated how he loved his wife dearly. Yet ironically, he was spending a large sum of money (for him) to spend time with me. I couldn’t justify it. He wasn’t financially well off, and the money he used to pay for me could be put to better use (he could use that much-needed money for his family). For this reason, I advised him to stop seeing me. I told him to go home to his pregnant wife, and give her comfort, do something special for her , but don’t spend hundreds of dollars (that you really cannot afford) for spending one hour admiring an escort. It amazes me how far men will go just to have sex and be with a woman!

Did he listen? No, of course not. Men love women who are ‘unavailable.’ According to him, I was special. I was the only girl he saw. For him, he felt I was ‘worth it.’ But I felt guilty taking money that could be used for someone (his wife and child) who needed it more. So, I told him, once again, to stop seeing me. That was the last time, and soon after I stopped working in that particular establishment. Apparently, he still calls the establishment looking for me

 

Your Question: How to Make Clients Spend Money on You?

The only thing I can say is be yourself. Don’t be greedy, be thankful. I am an honest escort. I have been in many situations where I could ‘exploit’ the situation of my clients for gain. I know how to do it, but it goes against my personal ethics. I am a woman who has a heart, and therefore I cannot hurt people intentionally. I see the merit in honesty.

But! Unfortunately, not all escorts (or women, people for that matter) have honest intentions! I’ve seen plenty of women (working and non-working) who can lie, use and manipulate good people for their own selfishness.

I am not perfect. I have made mistakes in the past and hurt decent people. But it hurt me also.

If you are an escort looking for cheap and easy ways to “scam” a man…you are reading the wrong blog. It is an unfortunate truth that many women in the industry are not honest, and do give the honest ones a bad reputation.

 

Your Question: Do Escorts ever Fall in Love with One Man?

Why not? Escorts are human. Why do people assume that an escorts needs/desires are any different than a non-escort? Like any individual, an escort her own unique preferences. Ironically, despite the fact that most escorts defy social norms, I’ve observed many escort women who desire heteronormative relationships in their personal lives (ie: monogamy and marriage).

Personally, I can be loyal to my love, but I don’t know if I could be monogamous, however.

 

Your Question: Does Escort Work Ruin Her Sex Life? (Does Prostitution Ruin our Personal Sex Lives?)

It’s a logical question. One would think that having too much sex would be physically draining (especially because society assumes that women are hardly horny). I’m sure this is the case for some women, because too many women are still shy or unaware of their erotic capabilities. But personally, sex work intensified my desires. Sometimes, seeing clients is like a big tease (a build up), and makes me crave my personal lovers. In fact, I attribute that being with multiple clients taught me so many great things about intimacy. My experience with countless clients made me a better, more enthusiastic lover in my personal life. In this blog I focus on the implications of escorting, which are solely negative. But I have to say being a prostitute gave me access to some sexually-talented men, and contributed to me being in tuned with my body and thus experiencing an amazing personal sex life. Something about being a courtesan makes me feel sexually assertive, and enhanced my dominance persona with men. Perhaps this reason could explain why most clients are concerned with making sure I get pleasure.

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Filed under Bisexual, Facts About the Sex Industry, Questions for Escorts And Clients, Sex, The Escorting Business