Tag Archives: prostitution

Prostitution is Increasing in Society: Why?

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I have seen how prostitition has increased in the just-over-a-decade that I have been in the sex industry (I never ever imagined this would have been my life!). I became a prostitute a few years before the Internet Escort Craze began. At it’s peak in 2008/2009, the Craigslist Erotic listings truly changed the nature of the sex industry. Later, websites like Backpage would also act as a popular medium for sex workers and clients to connect. I jumped on the Internet craze a bit late, starting in late 2010. In essence, I have witnessed a LOT of change in the sex industry from my early days until now. The pivotal change is how the Internet made sex work more easily attainable for both clients and sex workers. The Internet mediums for selling sex, in alignment with the 2008 economic recession, also led to an increased number of women joining the sex industry due to economic woes.

The Internet, however, increased negativity for women in the sex industry. More and more women were joining the sex industry, and yet standards within the sex industry became more degraded. The price of sex, for one, has barely increased in line with monetary inflation. Instead, the inflation of women has cheapened the price of sex. As a result, many sex workers have to truly lower their dignity and price to attract clients. When I began sex work just over a decade ago, there was no such thing as “quickies” as a high-class escort. Now, there are beautiful women who will do it all for much less. I feel deeply sad whenever I see escort ads —  I had never heard of “15 minute specials” or things like “blow and go.” I can’t even look at those ads anymore without feeling immensely sad at what the lives must like of the women who post such ad’s. Moreover, it makes me sad (and scared) to imagine there are men who will contribute to a woman’s worth being reduced to a quickie or “blow and go.”

In my case, I was able to maintain the same standards that I had from the beginning of my sex work days, thankfully. This is because I had the ability to work low-volume, or part-time. Most prostitutes don’t share my experience, however. Most are subjected to having less control over their bodies, which leads to severe emotional (and sometimes physical) trauma from their work. Despite all the sadness I have felt all these years, I cannot even dare to imagine the pain that most other prostitutes experience (again, my situation is not comparable to the majority).

Why is Prostitution Increasing?

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The answer is: Society is increasingly losing it’s humanity. Inequality is increasing. Unhappy, stressed and overworked people are increasing. Relations between men and women are more conflicting. The family unit is decreasing. Wisdom/morality is decreasing. All of these social ills are related and are the result of a capitalistic world system based on consumerism (ie: $$$$$$$$$). When people are unhappy or stressed, most will resort to various outlets (drugs, sex, porn, food) to cope.  Prostitutes fill a void for the men who visit them.

In times of increased stress, the demand for prostitutes will increase (this is the world we live in now).

For clients, prostitutes are an escape from a stressful work week, stressful responsibilities, etc. People, in general, are stressed more so than ever before in history, and thus there is an increased demand for escapism (the sex industry is one form of escapism for men). Are prostitutes a healthy outlet for escapism? There is no simple answer, because men visit prostitutes for a wide variety of reasons and at different frequencies. In essence, the demand has risen, and thus the supply (prostitutes) has increased.

I have traveled quite a bit of the world, thankfully. From my travels and my anthropological studies, I observed that only certain societies can allow prostitution to thrive. Despite prostitition being “the oldest profession in the world,” not all societies in the past had the conditions for prostitution to occur. Historically, more simplistic societies with a strong emphasis on kin/family had no reason for women to prostitute themselves. Many simple societies had little sense of individualism, so therefore it would be extremely rare for an individual to be neglected and left on their own to care for themselves. A woman is prone to become a prostitute in a context where she is neglected in some form and left to fend for herself —- such a phenomena can only occur in the society that has the conditions where exploitation and inequality can occur. In the current global context, a woman has very little security to protect her well-being and thus many can be easily ‘pushed’ into sex work. It’s an unfortunate reality.

I live in a city where there is a high ratio of women who are in the sex industry in some shape or form.

I remember sitting on a train a few years ago, and I overheard two college girls casually discussing sugar daddies. One girl was telling her peer that she really needs to considering getting a sugar daddie online to help pay her bills. Both girls looked like completely normal, typical college girls. It was a shocking realization for me, because when I was a teen I would never imagine “normal” girls casually discussing schemes on making money by through sex. But clearly I was out of the loop, because THINGS HAVE CHANGED. When I was 16 years old, I had no idea what an escort was! But nowadays, young ‘normal’ girls know all about the sex industry — they know (thanks to music and social media) that a viable option for them is to became an escort, cam girl, sugar baby, stripper, or porn actress. Now, the sex industry has become normalized. It’s even glamorized (for the dark purpose of indirectly trafficking more girls into sex work).

Hip Hop, Social Media & the Entertainment Industry is Making Prostitution ‘Cool’ 

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Celebrities like Amber Rose are promoting apparel that tells women to proudly say they are a “hoe” or “slut.”

“You’re such a fucking HOE, I love it!”

Kanye West and Lil Pump in ‘I love It’

“Fuck him and I get some money. Yah! Fuck him then I get some money…”

– Cardi B with G-Eazy in ‘No Limit’

THE NEW PIMPS are popular music entertainers and other celebrities:

They hook their viewers by telling them it’s fun to take drugs (smoke a lil weed to dumb and numb them down ), which then weakens and makes the victim complicit in their exploitation. 

I can’t imagine what it would be like to be a young man or woman these days (mind you, I am talking as if I am super old…..I am an old soul!). Young minds are so impressionable. A young girl these days faces tremendous pressure from the most soulless, superficial role models. The most popular music ‘artists’ are ones promoting women to literally hate their natural selves. They glamorize a woman’s worth based on her ability to be being a sex object. This kind of objectification was around when I was a teenager too, but it was not to the extreme that it is today. When I was a teen, there was NEVER any popular music that was openly telling me to sell my body as a prostitute. I was in my late teens when I entered sex work and I had literally no idea of what I was getting into. But nowadays, things are much different. Young girls may already know about escorting or sugaring as a career option due to sex work becoming mainstream. Instead of the traditional pimps, celebrities are the new pimps, telling women to become sex workers, to be petty. And now, many women are actually doing it since it has become so mainstream (escorts, strippers, porn actresses, cam girls, etc). Women will have less hesitation to join the sex industry when it is NORMALIZED and ENCOURAGED by pop culture. It’s truly heart breaking, because these women are led to believe lies of empowerment and happiness through false propaganda. Even some escorts will pimp out other women by selling the false image of a luxurious lifestyle. What women are not told about are the consequences of living such a life, and moreover how materialism only creates a VERY short-lived sense of fulfilment. No woman feels empowered when she is treated like an object (where her inner qualities are rejected or ignored). There is short term joy for newbies to the sex industry, but the long term consequences always contain harm, exploitation and psychological distress. As mentioned, almost all sex workers will resort to drugs, drinking, and other harmful habits to cope with the lack of wholesome love that led them into sex work.


Given that the Internet explosion of sex work is still relatively new, it will be very interesting to observe the long term effects of this new attempt at making sex work ‘cool’ and ‘trendy.’ 

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**For any of my readers unfamiliar with street slang, a “hoe” is the same derogatory meaning as a whore, slut or prostitute. 

Dear Readers: What do you think? Have you, too, also noticed the expansion of the sex industry? Are there any things that influenced you to the sex industry?

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Filed under The Escorting Business

Abuse: Left on my Wedding Day

The point of this post is not to slander, it is to create awareness of abusive relationships. It is my hope that my experiences will be a learning lesson for others.

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I will start off by advising my readers: NEVER EVER Fall for Words or Promises that bare no fruits or action. To my young ladies, never EVER believe a man loves you if he is depriving you of significance or dignity. A man who truly loves you will show it with action. Love is so abused in today’s times and as Sheikh Mufti Menk says, “Often, ‘I love you’ these days is actually ‘I want to use you.‘”

My life as a sex worker has brought me, unintentionally, into a lot of unholy experiences. Even though my only intention in the sex industry was survival (I never wanted any part in the personal lives of my clients), I was still involved in a process that hurt others and myself.

It was never my choice to be in the sex trade — its a psychological trap. I thought love was the cure, but I was wrong. The one who claimed to love me reminded me nearly daily that I was hopeless — it made him feel powerful to drain any ounce of joy I had left. He would further get angry at me if I defended myself or called him out on his false promises.

I am sure the ones I have hurt will be happy to know that my life is meaningless and I will forever be deprived of wholesome love. I am unable to trust. I was a fool to hope or dream before. Love has hurt to the extent that I no longer welcome it in my life — this journey of life will always be lonely. Alhamdulilah.

Two days ago, I was abandoned on the day of my Marriage (Nikkah – Islamic marriage).

Almost one year prior in February 2017, I was abandoned previously by the same man. Despite he effortlessly left me alone without a concern for my well-being, he came back to me later in 2017. Some words he said were:

“In all honesty I was/am prepared to abandon anyone who disagrees with our union.”

“Somehow you are still in the same place you were a few months ago and I’m still madly in love with you. If nothing has changed in your situation have you at least come to grips with the mistake we have made?(exiting from each others lives)”

I never exited from his life. I was ready to start a halal life. It was him who essentially told me that I was unwanted and that he won’t fight for us anymore. I was abandoned. To cope, I had to actually write large memos all over my home to stop myself from falling into a debilitating depression. I had to remind myself, He never loved me. Love would not let me walk away alone and helpless, love would not leave me to be single and open for other men to take my hand. It was false love.” 

When he tried to come back to me late last year, he spoke beautiful words to me. I agreed to meet him. He spent an entire evening apologizing to me — he brought a diary which supposedly had poems written about me, and us. For a short lived period, he was kind to me. He even then read out 25 things he loves about me. He apologized for abandoning me. He apologized for mistreating me. He told me nothing else in the world matters anymore and gave me the impression that he would fight against all barriers to be with me. He spoke beautiful words about how it was his goal to get me out of the sex industry. And because I had empathy for his ‘issues’, I wanted so badly to believe he was sincere — I took him back after months of his proclamations of love. Very shortly after, it was apparent that all of his remorse was words only.

“Go back to fucking other men!” “You will never change” “I love you! I will get help!” “I won’t abandon you again.”

It was not as if my expectations were unreasonable. I made it so simple — too simple. And yet, shortly after I took him back, he began reverting back to his old ways. It is clear now, given the way he treated me and spoke to me, that I was a burden for him. There was no loving support, nor a hand to hold mine and tell me, “I am here, you are loved, your worries are mine and I will protect you.” There was no Mirza who came on a horse to take me away. I am no Sahiba.

He had also won me back with sweet words in previous years, only to leave me broken and abandoned. All the times he had abandoned me, I began to see a pattern of his — the only reasoning for his behavior was that he was using me. He knew that I would give in and give my body willingly if I believed he loved me. His efforts and kindness were always short lived and he changed drastically once he got what he wanted. Whenever he came back, he convinced me that he did, in fact, love me for who I was — yet I questioned this ‘love’ once he reverted back to his bullying and abuse. He thrived off bullying me. Each time he abandoned me or pushed me away to the point where I had to leave him, I was broken even more.

Then, I stopped giving my body, because his patterns showed that he was manipulating my heart to get sex. He denied it. But then, later, he would blame me for his sexual frustration. He would blame me for asking for nikkah (marriage). He would constantly accuse me of cheating or blow up at me for being a sex worker. He would blame me for defending myself. And then he would abandon me always once I was drained and emotionally destroyed. He never cared, he never loved. I was never wanted. He became very angry once things started getting serious, because it meant he actually had to start taking action and responsibility for me –which he never did. I can accept if someone doesn’t want me, but he convinced me otherwise and he promised marriage.

My doubts were real and now confirmed. I was not a human to this person. I was an object. All of my emotions and well being never meant anything. I was a sex object. I, as a person, was never wanted — in fact, I was a burden. I was promised love and protection, promised a halal life — I was made to dream, and I was abandoned effortlessly not once, but multiple times. Indeed, I am a fool for believing a person would not behave so cruelly.

3 Days Before the Marriage:

The happiest day of a woman’s life, right?

I don’t even know why I am doing it. I have a faint, childish hope that the one who once claimed to love me…..that he will actually start loving me. But I know better also, I know that hoping and dreaming is pointless for me.

And days away, it will be a nikkah. No ceremony. Just in front of Allah. And it may not even happen — things have always been fragile and insecure with this person.

There is no excitement, nor will their ever be. Though the nikkah is between two people, I am the only one who has pushed for it. The other party is making it very obvious that it is unwanted and it is a burden. In fact, I have just been told that no consummation will occur, as it will be easier to divorce me this way. No celebration. Nothing. All the promises and hopes that once filled my head have amounted to nothing. I am an utter fool. Last week, I wanted to feel excited for something. I thought about what I will wear, about what food to bring to the mosque, about staying in a hotel, about photos, about a new life! — what a fool I am.

Only tears of pain and fear have resulted from the unwanted date to come in a few days….it was only wanted by me. But it is okay. I ask myself why I have this foolish hope — hope that doesn’t exist at all.

And I am told to write a promise letter. I wasn’t told, I was threatened.  I am to promise  that I will stop being the whore that I was and to ‘prove’ that I am capable of not whoring myself. I am not trusted, and reminded every day of how untrustworthy I am. Despite he should be the one begging for my forgiveness, despite he came back to me after neglecting me, despite he said he accepted me and nothing else matters… here I am now, proving that I deserve his love. 

I know I have made mistakes too, which is why I made excuses for his lack of effort in making me significant — he is also hurting. But how am I suppose to remain stoic when someone keeps punishing me for things that is in the past? He came back to me fully knowing of what had happened in the past, and he even admitted it was not correct in how he treated me in the past as a result. Why I am still being punished despite I have left my life of sin? Everything I have done is out of love. All I wanted was a halal outlet to give love, and yet he keeps delaying and denying that to me as a Muslim woman.  If God can forgive me, why can’t he also forgive me? Does he not see my heart? Does he not see all the small things I have done to show that my heart is sincere and loyal to him? Why else would I have done the things I did except out of love? Yet at every moment, he couldn’t stop finding reasons to pick on me. This made me go into self-defence mode, and in order to guard my heart from being hurt like before, I very bluntly told him that I fear he is using me and I will not tolerate that. Why couldn’t he just take my hands and say, “Okay, no more. I will start loving you now.” Why couldn’t he make the correlation that loving me, making me halal and building me up would in turn make me trust me him and therefore treat him as the respectful man he wanted to be? All the energy he had to be angry at me, why couldn’t he just tunnel that energy into love instead?

All these thoughts make my cry, because at this point I am hopeless, not by choice. I never wanted things to be this way. But sadly, what I envisioned is not going to happen. All the anticipation, the hopes…have died. And for what? Pride? Power? Proving a point? Astagfiroulla. 

One Day Before the Marriage:

Tomorrow will be a cruel joke. He promised to marry me before the end of 2017. But he broke that promise, and I gave him yet another chance. Then, he promised to marry me on this date, which is tomorrow.

Tomorrow, I will show up alone, abandoned… I know it.

No glow in my face. Too much tears, trauma, lack of sleep, too much sleep, fears and internal pain. I have been telling him for months, “Please have the courtesy of telling me if I am wanted or not, don’t leave me in limbo.” 

He has abandoned me many times. It happened before, it can happened again.

Tomorrow, I will come alone to the Masjid to cry. Cry to Allah. I only have Allah.

There is no excitement. I have been ridiculed and emotionally abused for the past two weeks, let alone the past couple of years. Why? Because I questioned why he keeps delaying giving me significance, and I question why he keeps fighting with me for all the reasons he once apologized for. He gets furious when I ask for significance — as if it is a terrible burden for him. And when I point out how his promises have amounted to nothing, he gets more furious.

In a moment of anger, two weeks ago, I snapped and called him a hypocrite. The definition of a hypocrite I was referring to was the following: (1) When He speaks, He speaks Lies (2) When he makes a promise, he breaks it and (3) When he is trusted, he betrays his trust. His typical pattern was to be consistently mean to me until I snapped. And I snapped two weeks ago. I broke down. I then stood up for myself and said “When a man loves a woman, he will not treat her this way! This is unacceptable. I have known men who would never behave this way and I have been treated better.”

That made him extremely angry, and for that, I was belittled every single day up until now. I made excuses for him. Just let him vent his anger at me. He convinced me that I deserve his anger and wrath. I shouldn’t have called him out. I shouldn’t have told him I have been treated better. I made excuses for him. Despite he has actually broken promises, betrayed trust, abandoned me before, and was delaying marriage for no reason, it was still my fault. Suddenly now, I was apologizing and worried for him — despite he has broken me and he will end up hurting me tomorrow. I know it. 

The Day of the Marriage

I was dumped two hours before we were proposed to do the nikkah at the Mosque. 

Today was my wedding day. It never happened. It was supposed to happen around 7pm just after Isha prayers.

Earlier today, in the morning, I had to attend a family members graduation ceremony. Everyone was filled with happiness and joy. I wanted so badly to be happy with my family too. But just as everyone was jumping and cheering for joy, I started crying out loud and ran to the washroom to lock myself and cry. Shaking. Nobody noticed, I wouldn’t let anyone notice. During the whole graduation ceremony, he was texting me hostile and abusive messages — once again, I let him just vent his anger to me, even though I know it’s not acceptable. I began crying because I knew he was only going to hurt me — I was crying because everything he promised me was now clearly a lie. I was duped. I was crying because I never believed that someone who loved me could hurt me like this. He came back to me, he apologized and now he is doing exactly what he said he wouldn’t do. I have never broken down in public like that and felt such tremendous fear. 

Then I dried my tears, yet my eyes were red. I was shaking. I wanted to disappear, but I was stuck in a crowd of happy people celebrating. And then, at last, I ran to my car and parked in an isolated area to cry. My family needed me to drive others, so I wiped my tears again and picked them up. How could I explain to them why I just disappeared on such a joyous occasion?

I made an excuse that I was having really bad allergies, which is why I my eyes were red and my nose was sniffling.

Yesterday was the same. I was heart broken in tears. Like a fool, I still tried to remain optimistic about the wedding. I knew he was going to hurt me, but I still had a faint hope that he wasn’t such a monster to actually abandon me after leading me on for all this time. Yesterday, I got sweets and a gift for the caretaker at the Masjid. Meanwhile, I was bombarded with angry, abusive text messages from him. He was behaving as he had in the past — blaming me for his anger. I kept pleading with him to just be honest with me, I have been pleading with him for months, “Don’t lead me on!” “Why did you come back to me and make all these promises then?” That day, I cried in my car for almost 2 hours. Each tear I thought about all the sweet nothings he used to tell me. And then I reminded myself of how foolish I am to even hope for anything. How cruel to tell a prostitute to hope, when hope is against her. 

“We will go ring shopping.”

“What do you think about moving to this city together babe?”

“Let’s move in a new place together babe, a new start”

But as always, at every step I was let down. It is not as if I was expecting. I know all too well not to expect. This was the bare minimum. He would make me dream, only to snatch it from me and then emotionally abuse me for asking “Why not?”

He kept calling me hours up until the nikkah. He was fuming with anger, and I have no idea why. He said it was all my fault at why he was angry. I was told with fuming anger, “LISTEN I WILL ONLY MARRY YOU IF YOU AGREE TO LISTEN TO EVERYTHING I SAY. IF I SAY JUMP YOU WILL JUMP OKAY? I WILL NOT TOLERATE YOU NOT LISTENING TO ME ANYMORE! I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL BEAT YOU IF YOU PROVOKE ME AFTER MARRIAGE, DO YOU UNDERSTAND??!!” Usually, I defended myself, but there was no point. I was broken. I listened to him belittle me the whole day — I agreed to everything he said, even his threats. And then finally, two hours before the nikkah, he tells me he cannot do it and says “Goodbye.”

I decided to go to the Masjid anyways. I wore my new abaya. I did my make up. I showed up at the masjid alone. I knew I would be alone. I needed to feel close to Allah. 

I got to the Masjid in the evening. The few sisters who remained at the Masjid were informed that it was the day of my Nikkah. I came in, and the sister greeted me with a big smile. I was greeted and told how pretty I looked. The sisters looked at me with excitement. The sister who organized my nikkah looked at me with bright eyes and a big smile, “I have just told the other sisters that it’s your nikkah today!” My eyes water and I just look down and said, “No. Nothing.” The other sisters came to me also with excitement, and tears filled my eyes. We all said, “Alhamdulilah” Praise to Allah. 


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Final Notes: One reason the film Pakeezah is a favorite of mine and brings tears is because it addresses the main conflict for a prostitute: our innocent yearning for love and the bitter realization that we can never have love.

At the end of the film, Pakeezah is not only defeated, but traumatized. She cannot stop hearing imaginary voices of outsiders calling her derogatory terms, reminding her that she will never be anything but a whore. In tears, she realizes her fate:

Yes. My vagabond dead body has returned to be buried in this colorful tomb (she has return to the brothel)

Yes. Every whore is a dead body. I am a dead body and you are too. (She says to a fellow courtesan)

The marketplace (brothel district) is a graveyard.. of women whose’s souls are dead but the bodies remain alive

These mansions (homes or brothels) are our tombs, in which the living coffins of we dead women are kept after being decorated.

Our coffins are left open so that....*she gasps in tears*

I am a restless dead body in one such open coffin, which is lured by life again and again..

..But now, I’ve got fed up with of my waywardness and this treachery on the part of life. I’ve got tired of it. 

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From all this pain, I say Alhamdulilah (All praise belongs to Allah). There were many lessons that had to be learnt from this. Trials invoke one to only hope and strive for Allah, the Creator. From this pain, I have learnt my only true protector is Allah.

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Filed under Dealing with Depression, Emotional Aspects Related to Escorting

Prostitution & Emotional Destruction

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A once vibrant, fragrant flower is wilting away.

Blemished and trampled upon.

A stressed, barren existence remains.

Isolated.

Uprooted from its origins.

Desolate, left to fend for itself.

No water comes to saturate the soil.

No offspring can grow in such an environment.

It is, instead, a place of decay.

A once vibrant, fragrant flower is wilting away.

– Myself


 

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I remember in my early teens, I reunited with my Father. He said words to me. Some of those words were “I love you immensely.” He said his absence in my life was not ‘abandonment.’  But the words he spoke conflicted with the reality of his actions. “I am your Father,” he would say. But where was this “Father” in action? I never knew. 

Years later, as a prostitute, I would be in tears, crying on the floor. In those moments, I realized the difference between words and actions. If my Father loved me as he said, then why was I in this state? What sort of fatherly love would leave me to face to world alone? How was he comfortable not protecting me?

Now, when I hear words, I am reminded that they are just words…….

Love is not a word.

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Below is a beloved Punjabi song with superb lyrics (translated in English) which highlights the abuse of love in modern society:

“In today’s times, romance has become frivolous,
Destroying the divine concept of true love”


 

In Addition, here is a beautiful Persian poem translated in English to inspire hope to the hopeless. A sincere thank you to the kind soul who shared this with me during hard times:

Do Not Grieve

​Your lost Joseph will return to Canaan, do not grieve
This house of sorrows will become a garden, do not grieve
Oh grieving heart, you will mend do not despair
This frenzied mind will return to calm, do not grieve
When the spring of life sets again in the meadows
A crown of flowers you will bear, singing bird, do not grieve
If these turning epochs do not move with our will today
The state of time is not constant, do not grieve
Lose hope not, for awareness cannot perceive the concealed
Behind the curtains hidden scenes play, do not grieve
Oh heart, should a flood of destruction engulf the world
If Noah is at your helm, do not grieve
As you step through the desert in desire of Ka’aba
The thorns may reproach you, do not grieve
Home may be perilous and destination out of reach
But there are no paths without an end, do not grieve
Our state in separation from friends and with demands of foes
The divine who turns circumstance knows all, do not grieve
Hafez, in the corner of poverty and loneliness of dark nights
Until your words echo prayers and lessons of Quran, do not grieve.

-(Hafez) | Sung by Mohammad-Reza Shajarian

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Filed under Dealing with Depression, Emotional Aspects Related to Escorting, My Poetry and Others

Clients, Escorts & All: How You Behave When No One is Watching Defines Your Character

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The increasing apathy towards others makes it apparent that there is a war against love and belonging in society. Disunity is being promoted on a grande scale in subtle ways — for what purpose? Disunity, destroying bonds, destroying love — they all serve the purpose of making us mindless drones, consuming endlessly. I try hard to not let this realization harden me, though it is a battle at times. I am aware that goodness still prevails in humanity. I’ve witness many people become jaded by the rampant trends of shallowness, but I remind them that wholesome goodness still remains in the margins. Like anything of true beauty, goodness is often a hidden gem and not apparent so easily.

It is said that the true mark of a person’s character is how they treat others. For me, I further evaluate ones goodness based on how they treat the most vulnerable people outside the public eye. Prostitutes get to see a spectrum of empathy and apathy in humanity in ways that, perhaps, the average woman does not see. We see how men behave when they are outside the surveillance of society -when they are anonymous.

Sadly, a lot of ‘nice’ people in public can be the exact opposite behind closed doors — especially when their identity is anonymous and they are situated in a setting where they cannot be touched by the law. A client, for instance, may behave very differently with a prostitute than with others in a public setting. He may disregard common decency and respect when dealing with prostitutes, because he knows he will face no backlash since his identity isn’t being exposed. Thus, it is often behind closed doors where ones’ true colors are exposed. All prostitutes have their own share of experiencing such a soulless character. Indeed, not all clients fit into this heartless persona. Thankfully, almost all of my clients personally are decent men. Indeed, a client who treats prostitutes with respect, kindness, and dignity is a wholesome being — such a persons kindness is genuine when they behave morally outside the public gaze.

What is worrisome is that the complete disregard of a woman’s soul and emotional well-being (a women’s mind and soul completely divorced from her body) is increasingly becoming MORE common in society — and not just towards sex workers. When apathy becomes the norm, how are people to trust others? When hatred and exploitation of certain peoples becomes the norm, how can there be hope?

There is hope, of course. Goodness still exists in a rampantly shallow society, though in the minority. And indeed, hard hearts can be softened..

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Baran (2001)

For this post, I want to analyze and recommend a film that is dear to my heart, a film that inspires the softening of the heart. A very simple, yet deeply meaningful film by the talented Iranian director Majid Majidi, titled Baran. Though the film Baran has nothing to do with prostitution, it is a film that has brought me to tears in relation to my work as a prostitute. But beyond that, the film Baran has immensely valuable lessons of humanity that have become so foreign to many of us.

The story in Baran is situated in modern day Iran, in the context of neighbouring war-torn Afghanistan. Millions of Afghan refugees fled to Iran in recent decades to flee war, and what emerged were profound xenophobic views towards Afghans living in Iran. The xenophobic attitudes of Iranian society towards Afghans is common place, comparable to the bigoted American view of illegal Mexican immigrants, or bigoted Gulf Arabs attitudes towards their migrant workers. In Baran, the reality of Afghans in Iran is depicted by illustrating how they work in slave-like jobs, were severely underpaid compared to Iranian or Turkish workers, and had limited-to-zero access to government social welfare provisions.

What is compelling about this film is it addresses the topic of basic humanity: genuine love (which is selfless) and belonging, and most importantly, it addresses the societal conflict that PREVENTS genuine forms of love and belonging from taking place. Indeed, there are endless forces within modern society that attempt to seal our hearts and replace love with synthetic versions (or hate). One might ask: Why are certain vulnerable groups treated with such hostility and degradation? How does one become a apathetic person who commits injustice to the vulnerable?

Baran teaches the viewer that a hateful, apathetic person is often the product of the their respective societal norms. In other words, if one lives in a society that embraces hateful attitudes towards a certain group and constantly spews propaganda to continuously demonize them, then inevitably the majority of the populace will internalize this societal norm. In the case of Baran, the main character Lateef, a Turkish migrant worker (viewed as more ‘dignified than being a ‘lowly’ Afghan worker) epitomizes a young mind who has internalized the prevalent xenophobic attitude towards Afghans. He behaves incredibly cruel towards the Afghan characters in the film, initially. His hate is based off not his own observation and experience, but rather through xenophobic societal norms. Lateefs’ cruelty is far more grave given that the Afghan workers, in particular, had no social or legal protection in Iran. Thus, cruelty towards marginalized groups, generally, face no repercussions or backlash. Moreover, when someone internalizes xenophobic attitudes, their cruelty is perceived as nonproblematic and in some cases, justified.

Change is Possible – A Hard Heart can be Softened

What strikes me is the climax in this film, which occurs when the initially cruel character, Lateef, has an epiphany — a life changing realization. Lateef realizes he has made a grave immoral mistake by abusing and neglecting the vulnerable. He is filled with remorse. I view Lateefs’ epiphany and realization of his faults as his mark into manhood/adulthood — he, initially, had zero care or empathy for others. He was hot-headed and careless, thus demonstrating his immaturity and lack of empathy. Empathy is a quality that marks one into maturity — a child does not know empathy. For instance, a baby or child cries out to its Mother when it needs something. A child does not yet have the capacity to be considerate of the Mother’s well-being. But as adults, one of the most noble traits to acquire that breaks one away from childhood is empathy. Empathy requires the realization that ones own actions affect others. Lateef came to this realization when he was faced with the ugliness of his own behavior towards the voiceless Afghan workers, which haunted him. And how did he come to this conclusion?

Lateef went upon his own journey of realization by going outside his own circle to observe the life of downtrodden people — namely, the despised Afghan refugees working in Tehran. He was brought to tears by witnessing the the hardships faced by the Afghans (poverty, hopelessness, humiliation, loneliness). By witnessing the hardships they faced, Lateef realizes how blind he was to the xenophobia towards Afghans in Iranian society. Essentially, the lesson learnt here is this: it is easy to condemn, exploit and dismiss people or groups when you have not known them personally or have experienced life from their perspective.

Finally, the most serene aspect of this film, which usually brings me to tears is how Lateef seeks to redeem his morality by giving up his own comfort (he gives his entire years worth of salary and life savings to the vulnerable Afghans). Lateef is irreversibly changed by this epiphany into a wholesome, responsible and moral young man. Lateef, himself, is relatively poor, but considers his plight as an impoverished Turkish migrant worker as a paradise compared to the plight of Afghans. So, thus, he gives up everything he has, his money and even sells his own identity card — a card that will disrupt his own well-being if he is without it. Lateef hopes that by giving aid he will redeem not only his past immorality, but he is also performing his moral responsibility as a man towards the female protagonist, Baran. What is compelling is that not a single soul knows about Lateefs’  act of generosity — he sought no reward, no recognition, no recompense for giving his lifes’ savings away to the vulnerable. What is this gesture other than the expression of utmost selfless love? Finally, at the end of the film, the expression of content that Lateef expresses with his smile is the epitome of true love. I urge you to watch this gem of a film and witness the very subtle messages of humility yourself. SubhanAllah

My heart melts while viewing this film for the immense morality it portrays, which is something so rare and beautiful –something so deeply lacking in today’s modern society — selfless love. How many of us can say we love without expectation? How many of us can say we give altruistically towards others, anonymously perhaps, without any expectation? Indeed these are questions I have to ponder and understand myself. How many clients are kind and respectful to prostitutes without putting her comfort in jeopardy? How many clients can retain kindness to a prostitute despite not getting what they had hoped for? It is indeed a mark of strength and courage to retain selflessness in today’s world. Even if we desire to love others selflessly, it is immensely difficult in a climate that tells us to focus on inflating our own egos. But I still have hope– I still believe, and have seen at times, that there are beautiful souls among us. The degree of humanity expressed in the film Baran is something one can only dream of. I suppose I, personally, still have a child-like desire to be loved by another truly selflessly — we yearn for this feeling that we had as children (to be loved selflessly by our Mothers and Fathers, if we were blessed to have them both or at all). Indeed some people were not blessed to experience the selfless love of parents, so I hope that those people, in particular, are blessed with the most sincere love from others.


To readers, keep your hearts soft — Don’t feel down if you cannot attain the love/gratitude that you desire for yourself. Sometimes, one must forget about themselves and spread love for those who are lacking the most love in society today.

It is my hope that this post beckons one to ask themselves: How do you treat others when no one else is watching?

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Filed under Facts About the Sex Industry, The Escorting Business

The Conflict: Falling in Love with A Prostitute/Escort – Part 1

drenched rose

As if love isn’t already complicated among ‘normal’ individuals, but how immensely complicated is LOVE with a prostitute. Love with a woman who shares her body to numerous others.

There is a theme of responses on my blog: a man loves a woman who sells her body and he seeks advice. My blog consists of numerous comments by men who have expressed a deep conflict in reconciling their love/emotions with a sex worker. The responses range from wholesome male lovers of prostitutes, whom express deep concern and understanding about the well-being of their lady-love, and then there are others, whom express hostility towards women-of-the-night.

Why does this conflict of love with a prostitute exist? Why are men writing to my blog with confusion, burning hearts, and pain from their experience of loving a prostitute? Why can’t a prostitute simply quit her work if she truly loves another? Can it really be love if she is still sleeping with other men? How can intimacy between a prostitute and her lover be special if she is sharing her body with other men? I attempt to answer such questions on my blog, given that other wholesome outlets are scarcely available.

In Love with a Sex Worker? A Word of Caution When Seeking Advice from Outsiders and others who claim to know:

Not all women who sell themselves are the same. Yes, there are similarities in certain aspects, but also great diversity in our personalities, lifestyles and upbringings. Therefore, one must be cautious when seeking advice from outsiders who tend to premise their arguments on the notion that all prostitutes have the same motivations, values and lifestyles –such sterotypes are invalid. Seeking any wholesome advice on being in love with a prostitute is very much prone to bias from outsiders who have little-to-zero personal experience with such women (outsiders who’s perspectives are shaped heavily by stereotypes)– It is important to remember that just because someone knows/visits prostitutes does NOT mean they got personal with them.There are so many disgusting attitudes that exist in forums and other internet sites about prostitutes in general, which is the result of a over centuries worth of discourses aimed at reducing prostitutes into degraded stereotypes. It is very easy to dismiss a prostitute as being “soulless,” “selfish,” “lazy,” and “having no dignity” if her behaviour is upsetting to someone. This mentality is not only erroneous, but lacks any sense of empathy or broader understandings. One commenter (“Mike”) on the blog epitomizes this hateful mentality. He commented in response to a paragraph I wrote:

“An escort is no different than any other human being. Yes, her lifestyle is different, but she/he is deserving of love, acknowledgement and care just as anyone else. Sadly, society still holds this view that such non-conforming groups are un-deserving of basic human dignity. Such cruel view needs to be challenged.” – Sahar

“Mike’s” Response:

I have to completely disagree with this view; and I say this as a hobbyist who has dated a Korean prostitute in Los Angeles. The only reason why I dated her was because I was led to believe she was going to quit her line of work and to be fair I promised to quit hobbying. I was genuine and she was filled with lies.

Yes, people are deserving of love…all people who choose to be in a monogamous relationship. The reality with most women who sell their bodies is this–they are very selfish, self-centered and jealous. It is okay for them to sell their bodies 8-10 clients a day but when her boyfriend needs a release and goes to another provider (because the gf/escort won’t see him at her work place) she gets very upset. Talk about a double standard.

Personally speaking, if an escort truly loves someone, she would understand her line if work would be very difficult for a man to deal with. Knowing this, true love would lead her away from her kine of work. It’s called compromise and respect. But it appears escorts simply want everything their own way and want a man to love them in the same fashion a man would love a genuinely kind and respectable woman who isn’t a prostitute. That is very very very…unreasonable in my opinion.

What I found amusing, during a heated argument I told her she is a deceitful, compulsive lying, trash of a person. A whore. A prostitute.

“I can’t believe that is how you think of me!” She exclaimed. Well, what am I to think of her? Classy, elegant, trustworthy, respectful? ?? She screws over a thousand men a year for money when most other women make something of themselves by working hard, going to school etc… she made a deal with the devil and when she is old and grey on her death bed…that is when it will finally hit her–OMG, I will die as a whore.”

What is apparent from Mike’s response is his complete lack of understanding why the lady continued to sell herself, why she couldn’t just quit so easily, why she is hesitant to give up her independence, and moreover, why she doesn’t resort to working for a 70-90% reduced income at a ‘normal’ job. How does Mike rationalize this? He just reduces her to a whore, in a derogatory, stereotypical sense. Yep, according to him, that explains everything. There are many Mikes in this world, both men and women. That’s what happens when a population is constantly bombarded with hateful propaganda towards a certain group, they internalize it. Such tactics are no different than the internalized racism that is prevalent in the world today. It is the laziest form of incorrect reasoning, but what can one expect? We are not all given the liberty of pondering about the wider implications of the human experience. I thought it might be worthy to share my response to the “hobbyist” aka Mike:

My Response:

“One reason I wrote this blog was to complicate terms and concepts that are prevalent in society about escorts/prostitutes, such as labelling them as: selfish, lazy, whores (in the derogatory sense), etc. I wanted to show how and why these attitudes exist, and how they are constructed by whom and for what purpose. And yet your comment, which is not surprising, fails to grasp any of what I’ve tried to convey.

First off, since you subscribe yourself as a’hobbyist’ I am quite sure your mentality of escorts is quite disheartening. Your comment is indicative that you are one of those people who fail to ‘read between the lines.’ You’ve taken your own experience of ‘not getting your way’ with a woman whom happens to be a sex worker, and then you make the hasty generalization that most escorts are “selfish, self-centered and jealous.” And from your experience, there is not one ounce of trying to understand the underlying issues, nor the underlying meanings of her actions, perhaps.

From what you have written, it is clear that you have accepted the so-called ‘moral’ social norms within society, and thus you have ZERO comprehension of how societal norms are socially constructed (often to serve political agendas). So, let’s take a look at the typical norms that you have clearly internalized (ie: accepted as ‘righteous’ without any critical analysis). Firstly, according to you, women whom have sex with multiple men are somehow terrible ‘immoral’ people. Secondly, according to you, women whom are sex workers are apparently undeserving of love/commitment if they cannot quit their job. With your logic, you fail to realize that most women do not actively ‘choose’ this lifestyle, but rather were ‘pushed’ into it for economic factors. As hard as it is to understand, yes, a prostitute can be loyal to a man she loves whilst seeing other clients — you clearly cannot understand this. But let’s imagine if a prostitute did, in fact, enjoy some of her clients or perhaps she does NOT want to be monogamous — is she suddenly a terrible immoral person? Clearly, a woman’s sexuality that’s not ‘controlled’ is very threatening to you (which again, is not surprising, because that’s what our current society tells us).

I’m glad this Korean woman is not with you, because she deserves a man who has a better understanding of the things she keeps silent. You are quite naïve to think a prostituted woman can simply just leave her work for love or that leaving her work is a requirement for love. There are lovers of prostitutes who understand the emotional conflict that prostitutes face. These decent men are patient, compassionate and understanding. Rather than reduce her to being lazy, selfish, or a ‘whore,’ decent men actually try to understand sex workers and are willing to take on an unconventional relationship for the sake of love. Yes, it can seem that many prostitutes are simply living for themselves, and thus one gets the impression that they are ‘selfish’ or perhaps ‘lazy’ because they don’t want to conform to the capitalist work ethic. But there are so many complicated factors of WHY women are doing this, WHY they cannot quit so easily, WHY they feel its better to stay in the industry and be independent, WHY women are stigmatized for living alternative lifestyles, etc. I am glad that woman left you, because clearly she deserves a man who loves her and can stay loyal to her whilst understanding that leaving her job is not so easy.”

exotic-courtesan-painting

Breaking the Stereotypes:

In this post, I do not mean to imply that all escorts are decent beings. Indeed there are escorts who happen to be, perhaps, selfish and heartless, but that is NOT solely because she happens to sell herself. I’ve witnessed in other internet discussions where sometimes prostitutes, themselves, aid stereotypes such as “prostitutes are always acting” or “they are masters at faking love and emotions.” Other ideas one commonly hears is that “a prostitute will have sex with anyone for money”– a notion exists that we all apparently have NO standards when it comes to making money. These stereotypes irritate me since I am a prostitute and those ideas do not represent me at all. As mentioned previously, I never fake love or even fake orgasms. Again, not all escorts are working within the same dynamics or have the same motivations. For instance, an escort who has a pimp and has a very hardened outlook on clients will have a very different persona/lifestyle than an escort, like myself, who works part-time and doesn’t view all clients as one monolith. Even within each dynamic, diversity will exist. One must remember that good and bad exists in all walks of life. For those in love with sex workers, one should view their lover as a human first — sex work does shape one, but does not make one any less good or evil.

We’ve all been in one of those situations where someone makes a casual remark about how “you can’t trust whores” or they will rationalize a woman’s behavior by simply stating “Well, she’s a whore, what can you expect.” As I have tried to illustrate in this post, this logic is flawed and dehumanizing. I wonder how people would feel when they realize how many everyday prostitutes (who did not actively choose to be in the sex industry) are living very private lives, are only having sex for love or money (survival), and still retain common decency.

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My apologies that this post did not give much advice for those in love or having feelings for a working lady, but I recommend browsing the comments in my blog where I answer such questions. Below is recent advice I gave to a gentleman who asked how he can better understand his lady love:

“Be strong and expect hurdles [in the relationship] — it is normal. She will likely have a hard time changing her lifestyle, and it may take time. Give her time. Be patient. Be realistic. And be supportive. Ask her clearly what she wants. If there is mutual love between yourself and her, then don’t listen to the negative perspective of outsiders (whom clearly don’t understand that prostitutes are human like everyone else).”

Here is great link that gives wholesome advice for men who are in a relationship/in love with a prostitute. Here is the link Below:

How to Date a Sex Worker

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For my readers: What has your experience been?

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Filed under "High-class" prostitution, Relationships

Why Seek The World?

hands

This world of palaces, thrones, and crowns.

This world of societies that resent humanity,

This world of those hungry for [material] wealth,

What is this world to me, even if I can have it?

 

Each body is injured, each soul is thirsty,

With confused eyes and hearts full of sorrow,

Is this the world or the dominion of senselessness?

What is this world, even if I get it?

 

In this world where a person’s being is only a toy,

It is an establishment that worships death

Where it costs less to die than to breathe,

What is this world to me, even if I can have it?

 

Here youth wanders in hopelessness,

Young bodies are decorated and sold in the market,

Where love is treated as a product to trade,

What is this world, even if I get it?

 

This world, where human life is nothing,

Where loyalty is nothing, where friendship is nothing,

Where love has no meaning at all,

What is this world, even if I get it?

 

Burn this world, set it on fire!

Move this world away from me!

The world is yours, you take care of it.

What is this world to me, even if I can have it?

____

Yeh Duniya Agar Mil bhi Jaaye to Kya Hain? (Pyaasa, 1957)

————–

Subhanallah, what a beautiful, yet tragic Urdu poem from the 1957 classic Pyaasa. It is worthy to share this ghazal in time where ‘success’ is equated to fulfilling or striving for worldly pleasures. But what happens when one attains all the so-called worldly ‘pleasures’? You gained the world, but at what cost? Does the heart feel full? How many lives were slaughtered or degraded in the process of obtaining “success” and “happiness”?

I’ve met many great souls who are tormented, silently. They were, at some point during their lives, duped into believing that they weren’t ‘successful’ enough because they weren’t attaining enough worldly ‘pleasures.’ Or, perhaps, like myself, they obtained the so-called ‘good life’ and realized it meant nothing. My desire to ‘gain the world’ has lessened. It is my hope that myself and others can gain the strength to resist the deceptively-charming-in-your-face forces that are rampant in society. Life has so much beauty to offer that isn’t always visible to the human eye. After all, what significance is the world in a superficial sense? What significance is a body with no spiritual depth? It is only the soul that is immortal.

I actually feel great sadness when I realize many people are still chasing the worldly ‘pleasures’ to the extent that they become apathetic and soulless. People are seduced by this false notion that ‘gaining the world’ makes a worthy life. Such a predisposition suggests that a life without glamour, superficial beauty, money and power is unworthy. Again, does money, prestige and power make the heart feel full? Or does one even have a heart once they’ve slowly bartered off their soul for their ego?  The world (duniya) is only temporary —  Life becomes meaningful when one focuses on enriching their soul, not their ego. 

Duniya

 

 

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Filed under My Poetry and Others, Uncategorized

Three Years Of Escort Diary

Old Man: “From the hot fire of being apart, comes the flame that burns the heart”

Lateef: “That was beautiful, you speak very well.”

Old Man: “These are words from the heart, my son”

-Dialogue from the film Baran (2001).

courtesan-dressingI started this blog three years ago. I started it during an important change in my life. I had just left my engagement. I had just immersed myself into the realm of working independently for the first time, without knowing what to expect. I was also a full-time University student. Three years later, I claim myself as a high-end courtesan, and strangely enough I feel a similar emptiness that I experienced when I started this blog three years ago. But much has changed indeed.

It would be incorrect to say that I’ve been empty and sad continuously. A prostitutes life and experiences witnesses an amalgam of emotions; nothing is static. In the past three years, there has been happiness and many blessings, and I’ve had many beautiful experiences. I am very thankful for them. My heart was grasped by my great lover, the Sheik, whom I wrote about in these past years. And as I had written, our love did eventually hit a brick wall, shattering our hearts. Wounds remain fresh. Burning, I am trying to see the beauty in this pain. For the moment, I honor this love by lonesome tears, finding the torment of separation unbearable, hopeless at times. The beautiful memories are starting to become clouded amongst the pain. And worst, I never showed any sorrow outwardly. Strangely enough, I concealed all of my pain with the facade of pride, thereby masking the tears of honor. In hopeless moments, I wanted all the love to turn into hate. But the truth remains in the heart. God only knows the extent of my heart, the honoring of love through tears.

Here is an incomplete poem I wrote a while ago: 

In the midst of helplessness, I sought to destroy my image.

Perhaps intentionally, I destroyed myself before your eyes,

Tarnishing your perception of my beauty, my grace,

Converting the good memories into hate, regret, despair.

But my intentions were for the sake of survival,

So that you can feel no remorse, so you forget my beauty, forget our bliss.

You can say, “She never loved me. She only loved money. She is happy selling herself. She has other men in her life.”

I painted this false impression.

Yes, in my state of helplessness, I wanted you to believe these things, so you feel no guilt.

For hating me will make your life easier rather than seeing that I loved you with all my heart and life.

Though silent and concealed, God only knows the extent of my honor,

The secrets lay concealed in my heart.

______________________

For this post, I will share some meaningful, poetic lyrics to a song:

madhubala-tawaif

Pyaar Kiya To Darna Kya  – When we love, why should we fear?

The following lyrics are from the masterpiece film Mughal E Azam (1960) which is filled with the most enriching Urdu dialogue and songs. The film depicts the legend of Anarkali, the tragic tale of the Mughal Prince Salim and his love Anarkali, a courtesan. In the film, Anarkali sings the song Pyaar Kiya To Darna Kya to defend her love with Prince Salim, and also to defend the honesty of her heart (she was accused of deceit). By revealing her heart in this song, she was risking her own life. Her honest heart lead to her imprisonment.  Her love, Prince Salim, also endured all the punishments for the sake of their love. For as the song says, “We have only loved, why should we be afraid?” The Urdu lyrics are powerful and expressed so beautifully. Visually, I love watching the actress Madhubala performs this song so eloquently. Here is a translation of the lyrics:

It is but once that man falls in love with another

In anguish he lives, in anguish he dies

When we have loved, why should we fear?

We have loved, not committed a theft

We have only loved

Why should we be afraid?

I’ll reveal today the secrets that stay in my heart

Death is what the world witnesses

What good is dying a death of sufferance like this?

We have loved, why should we fear?

In desire of him, I shall burn

For love, I shall live

For love, I shall die

Nothing more is my will

Now that I am in love, why must I fear?

Our love will not remain hidden

Everywhere around us are stories of our love

There is nothing that separates us from God

Why should we create barriers between humans?

We have loved, why should we fear?

Watch Madhubala’s beautiful performance of Pyaar Kiya To Darna Kya in Mughal E Azam:

On a final note, here is another powerful line that is attributed to Anarkali:

While flowers wither away, “Thorns live not in fear of wilting”

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Filed under Memories, My Poetry and Others