Clients come to prostitutes for a variety of reasons. Most come to escape the world, to get comfort, pleasure — to feel intimacy.
The heavenly comfort of resting on the lap of a nurturing woman…
Clients come to Comfort Women (prostitutes) to escape the harsh realities of daily life. For clients, prostitutes are appealing because we are (ideally) a soothing, pleasurable fantasy that men can retreat too at their convenience. For the most part, we dress up and act/behave our best while with clients.
For men whom have some money to spare, they have the option to pay for comfort with a prostitute. It is, for the most part, a one sided comfort that only benefits the client. And what about the prostitute?
The reality is that most prostitutes do not have a healthy outlet to find comfort. Furthermore, most prostitutes do not derive pleasure/comfort from their encounters with clients. Most are, in fact, repulsed by intimacy with strange men (of course, they will conceal their displeasure). So for many years, I used to think about this: clients come to us for comfort, but..
Where do prostitutes go to escape the harsh realities of their lives?
The answer is: there is no safe haven or outlet that any prostitute can retreat too. As a result, most prostitutes escape and cope with life with very unhealthy habits: drugs, alcohol, excessive materialism, unhealthy relationships, seeking sexual attention from strangers to validate their self-worth. What prostitutes need is wholesome care/love. Wholesome love is the only thing that has the potential to soothe/comfort her (in the form of family, friends or spouse — and above all, spirituality (Allah, for me, as a Muslim). Love, however, is not something that can be purchased nor easily attained. Moreover, love can be something so strange and conflicting for a prostitute. It’s not easy to welcome love into one’s life or even give love when one comes from a traumatic past or is experiencing PTSD (something most prostitutes endure knowingly or not).
A Problem With No Solution
Society did not make a wholesome outlet nor alternative for prostitutes. Instead, we are silenced and often have no one to listen to us. Even if there was an outlet, we often fear to disclose our personal thoughts. We know society jokes about how “hoes” ain’t worthy of respect, we know society shuns us. We know that if we make one mistake, it will be thrown back into our face that we are simply just whores. In essence, we have no wholesome place to go for comfort. Love is the only outlet that can soothe us, yet ironically, a prostitute is very much a fool to hope or dream for love.
Sex as a Coping Mechanism?
In my personal experience (which is definitely not the experience of most prostitutes), I also adopted unhealthy coping mechanisms. Physical intimacy, as one example, became my escape from the realities of life. Intimacy and passion seemed to make all the stresses of the world minimize. Although I stay away from drugs and alcohol, my erotic coping mechanisms were not much better. I had a very poor sense of discipline and limits. I am now understanding and applying the value of discipline. I have come to realize that an undisciplined life based off one’s desires/passions comes with negative consequences. Let’s not forget that many clients who seek to escape with prostitutes, for instance, are often married and thereby harming the well-being of their spouse. A brilliant quote has stuck with me as I grow older and am making more sense of the world:
“The exhaustion of the passions is the beginning of wisdom”
-Lost Horizon, 1937, James Hilton
Bless The Hearts of Good Clients
A reader of mine is adamant that all men who see prostitutes are inherently bad. This is not true. I could never say all clients are X — there is too much diversity in clients. Not all clients want to just fuck a woman like an object and go ‘high-five’ their soulless peers after. Yes, there are a lot of soulless, perverted men who are clients of prostitutes. Yet there are also ones with genuine souls.
Good clients are ones who have empathy. They think about the well being of prostitutes. Rather than just take take take, they want to understand, give and act respectful. These are the clients who adore the escort they see, whom put her comfort and dignity above everything — who don’t just see her as a sexual object. Yes, some even literally bow at her feet in servitude. For me, I feel grateful I have known many kind-hearted clients who literally serviced me, and allowed me to escape and relax — they massaged me, they listened to me, they comforted me. So indeed, in some cases, the feeling of escapism can be mutual with clients.
“Traumatic events, by definition, overwhelm our ability to cope”
-Susan Pease Banitt (The Trauma Toolkit)
Dear Prostitutes & Readers: What Comforts You? How do you Cope? What do you think could help you?