Tag Archives: Dominatrix

Where Do Prostitutes Go for Comfort?

Clients come to prostitutes for a variety of reasons. Most come to escape the world, to get comfort, pleasure — to feel intimacy.

The Comfort of a Woman's Lap for a Man is a Haven

The heavenly comfort of resting on the lap of a nurturing woman…

 

Clients come to Comfort Women (prostitutes) to escape the harsh realities of daily life. For clients, prostitutes are appealing because we are (ideally) a soothing, pleasurable fantasy that men can retreat too at their convenience. For the most part, we dress up and act/behave our best while with clients.

For men whom have some money to spare, they have the option to pay for comfort with a prostitute. It is, for the most part, a one sided comfort that only benefits the client. And what about the prostitute? 

The reality is that most prostitutes do not have a healthy outlet to find comfort. Furthermore, most prostitutes do not derive pleasure/comfort from their encounters with clients. Most are, in fact, repulsed by intimacy with strange men (of course, they will conceal their displeasure). So for many years, I used to think about this: clients come to us for comfort, but..

Where do prostitutes go to escape the harsh realities of their lives?

The answer is: there is no safe haven or outlet that any prostitute can retreat too. As a result, most prostitutes escape and cope with life with very unhealthy habits: drugs, alcohol, excessive materialism, unhealthy relationships, seeking sexual attention from strangers to validate their self-worth. What prostitutes need is wholesome care/love. Wholesome love is the only thing that has the potential to soothe/comfort her (in the form of family, friends or spouse — and above all, spirituality (Allah, for me, as a Muslim). Love, however, is not something that can be purchased nor easily attained. Moreover, love can be something so strange and conflicting for a prostitute. It’s not easy to welcome love into one’s life or even give love when one comes from a traumatic past or is experiencing PTSD (something most prostitutes endure knowingly or not).

A Problem With No Solution

Society did not make a wholesome outlet nor alternative for prostitutes. Instead, we are silenced and often have no one to listen to us. Even if there was an outlet, we often fear to disclose our personal thoughts. We know society jokes about how “hoes” ain’t worthy of respect, we know society shuns us. We know that if we make one mistake, it will be thrown back into our face that we are simply just whores. In essence, we have no wholesome place to go for comfort. Love is the only outlet that can soothe us, yet ironically, a prostitute is very much a fool to hope or dream for love.

Sex as a Coping Mechanism?

IMG_0017

In my personal experience (which is definitely not the experience of most prostitutes), I also adopted unhealthy coping mechanisms. Physical intimacy, as one example, became my escape from the realities of life. Intimacy and passion seemed to make all the stresses of the world minimize. Although I stay away from drugs and alcohol, my erotic coping mechanisms were not much better. I had a very poor sense of discipline and limits. I am now understanding and applying the value of discipline. I have come to realize that an undisciplined life based off one’s desires/passions comes with negative consequences. Let’s not forget that many clients who seek to escape with prostitutes, for instance, are often married and thereby harming the well-being of their spouse. A brilliant quote has stuck with me as I grow older and am making more sense of the world:

“The exhaustion of the passions is the beginning of wisdom”

-Lost Horizon, 1937, James Hilton

 

———————————–

Bless The Hearts of Good Clients

A reader of mine is adamant that all men who see prostitutes are inherently bad. This is not true. I could never say all clients are X — there is too much diversity in clients. Not all clients want to just fuck a woman like an object and go ‘high-five’ their soulless peers after. Yes, there are a lot of soulless, perverted men who are clients of prostitutes. Yet there are also ones with genuine souls.

Good clients are ones who have empathy. They think about the well being of prostitutes. Rather than just take take take, they want to understand, give and act respectful. These are the clients who adore the escort they see, whom put her comfort and dignity above everything — who don’t just see her as a sexual object. Yes, some even literally bow at her feet in servitude. For me, I feel grateful I have known many kind-hearted clients who literally serviced me, and allowed me to escape and relax — they massaged me, they listened to me, they comforted me. So indeed, in some cases, the feeling of escapism can be mutual with clients.

Comfort-Massage

Traumatic events, by definition, overwhelm our ability to cope

-Susan Pease Banitt (The Trauma Toolkit)

Dear Prostitutes & Readers: What Comforts You? How do you Cope? What do you think could help you?

18 Comments

Filed under Emotional Aspects Related to Escorting, The Escorting Business, Types of Clients

Your Questions, My Answers #4 – The Sex Industry and Human Sexuality

I love checking my stats for this blog and seeing the numerous search engine terms. It gives an idea of what people think about prostitutes. One thing that pops up very often is the question: do prostitutes get pleasure? I answered that question in previous posts. But I should restate it: we have sex with clients for money, not out of pleasure (even though some of us enjoy some clients). The other common misconception is that many people assume a whore (a sexually promiscuous woman) is synonymous with a prostitute (a woman who has sex for money). Ahh…it is interesting how we live in a world that’s obsessed with sex, hypersexual. Why is it such an issue? Well, human sexuality has always been political, and since the 19th century in the West, sex became a ‘moral panic’ issue within society. Why? Sexuality is associated with reproduction. What is the most important thing to national leaders? To control the reproduction of their society and future generations. Anyway, I won’t get in to that now….

 

Your Question: Should I get a female prostitute for my wife?

If its her idea, sure. Be sure to find a quality and genuinely sensual private escort (finding an escort who is genuinely in tune with her sexual desires — such as being intimate with other women — is not easy). Bare in mind, many escorts are willing to do ‘girl-on-girl’ for the money, but I cannot tell you how many times I’ve witness ‘girl-on-girl’ appointments where the experience was completely mechanical and fake. I’ve always fantasized to have a beautiful, wholesome woman to be my client. Or vice versa: I have the fantasy of being a patron for a beautiful, wholesome courtesan. But it’s just not common having a beautiful woman seek an escort (unless, in rare cases, she’s with her male partner).

Once I saw a couple. It was the woman who wanted to live out this fantasy. It was a very great experience. The woman was not particularly my type, but regardless she was lovely. I cannot explain the intensity of touching and caressing a woman while a man is getting so turned on by the very sight. Both a man and woman’s body is interesting for me, so I didn’t mind exploring a woman who wasn’t exactly my ideal. She made me cum, while her lover watched. It made me wonder if such openness between couples is a truly a good thing?

While some fantasies sound good in theory, are they good in reality? I used to tell my ex about my threesome fantasies. He loved when we talked about it, but he said that he would never do it. Why not? He said it wasn’t healthy for a relationship. His argument was this: if we do it once, then what if one of us has uncontrollable urges to do it again and again? I embrace being open in a relationship, but sometimes having no limits can cause havoc.

 

Your Question: As an Escort, How Much Should I Charge clients?

Basic economics 101: It’s the law of supply and demand, which varies from city to city. For instance, there are an abundance of ‘inexpensive’ women available in my locale. More women = lower prices. Less women = higher prices.  Dave Chapelle made a hilarious joke related to this, “If Pussy was a stock, then we’ve flooded the market! Women are giving it away too easy.

My price is in the higher-end range for my city, which also means I limit my clientele (since many men cannot afford my rate/rather restrictive rules). I adjust my rate depending on which city I am in. When I worked overseas the particular city was wealthier and therefore I could increase my price. There is a demand for ‘high-quality’, safe escorts for a more discerning clientele, but these type of women are a minority in the sex industry.

I must also note that not every girl can successfully charge high rates. Men have certain expectations with women who charge higher-than-average rates. For one, an expensive escort is expected to be exceptional in some way, whether it’s beauty, intellectual or sensuality (or perhaps the entire combination). Although part-time, I consider myself a very skilled courtesan. Over the years, I learned how to cater to the needs of a client and how to act like the companion that he desires. If a woman does not satisfy the expectations associated with her price, then she will not have repeat clients. She must be ‘worth it’, but again, one’s worth is also a perception.

 

Your Question: What do Girls do after Appointments?

We eat! I don’t know what it is about sex, but hunger and thirst follows afterwards. It’s a universal among escorts that we love eating (especially when we work in a brothel establishment together). We order food in abundance. Sometimes we make our clients wait so we can eat some chocolate or delicious delicacies. To be quite honest, I miss the ‘in between time’ when working at a brothel. The ‘in between time’ is when girls have a break in between seeing clients. We sit together, a group of girls (hopefully a good group — because escorts are infamous for their cattiness towards each other), we order food, some smoke cigarettes, we tease and laugh about our clients, and we discuss the most vulgar subjects. Many times the night turned into an all-girl party; we all made money, celebrated and laughed until it hurts. As an independent, I don’t get to experience any of that ‘female bonding’ anymore (which is also a good thing….escorts can be terrible influences on each other).

The ‘good’ girls never last long at brothels…they eventually move on to something or somewhere else. There used to be a good group of escort girls that I knew when I worked overseas. These girls made going to work fun. They were girls with other goals besides sex-work. Eventually the group disintegrated and we went our separate ways. It was during these female ‘in-between’ bonding times that I got to observe a lot of behaviors/realities/circumstances for women who are in the sex industry. Yet for the short time we shared together, we gave each other support.

 

Your Question: How to “fuck prostitutes and not get caught by wife?”

This mentality makes me cringe sometimes. I understand social pressures and not wanting to break-up the family, but the sneakiness of infidelity is alarming. The only infidelity that I don’t really condemn is with men who’ve been married for a lengthy time, and their wives (due to old age, disability, no interest, etc) do not have sex anymore.  But I do not feel sympathy for younger men, especially newly married men, who cheat on their wives just for the sake of ‘variety.’ If variety is what you desire, then opt for an open relationship or don’t get into a relationship with someone who expects monogamy. If only there was more openness in relations.

Once, I met a great client who was in an open relationship (his wife knew he was seeing me). They were a loving couple with children. They were educated and realistic about their needs. They had a private, semi-open relationship, complete with set boundaries. Both were permitted to see other people within reason, but the main restriction was: no sex with others. And that man, as a client, was utmost respectful of his wife’s restrictions and remained disciplined. Their relationship made me more warm towards the idea of an open-relationship (something I haven’t tried …it’s always been one-sided, in my favor).

Sadly, many men do go to lengths to hide their sexual affairs. They get private mobile phones, they slip away for an hour or so, and even bring their own soap. One of my married clients brings his own body-wash, because he worries that my ‘girly-scented’ soaps will make his wife suspicious.

 

Your Question: Why would an Escort want to stop seeing a client?

Well, as mentioned, some men develop strong feelings for us (which can make us uncomfortable). It’s problematic when the love is one sided (he falls in love, and we just liked him as a client only). Love is an irreversible thing…I can’t just tell a man to ‘stop loving me’ and he will switch his emotions off. Sometimes these men can also interfere with our personal lives, which gets overbearing. When I was overseas, I had a devoted client who fell in love with me, and we became quite close. However, I only just saw him as a favorable regular client of mine. He became obsessive, and I had to end it. (I will talk about him in a future post). There are also issues of morality. In rare cases, it is the escort who truly likes a client, and thus she might feel uncomfortable to continue seeing him as a client (but in most cases, it’s usually the first scenario mentioned above).

It might be shocking to know that I, as a sex worker, have my own morals. Sometimes clients are too candid about their personal lives. They openly tell me they are married or attached, or they have children, or their life stories, etc. In my brothel days, one particular client told me too many personal details about his life, and as a result I rejected him. Why? He was a very sweet man, but his life circumstances conflicted with my morals. When I first met him, his wife (as he told me) was heavily pregnant with their second child. He said he was working two jobs to make a good life for his family. He claimed his wife being pregnant as an excuse for no intimacy between them. He also stated how he loved his wife dearly. Yet ironically, he was spending a large sum of money (for him) to spend time with me. I couldn’t justify it. He wasn’t financially well off, and the money he used to pay for me could be put to better use (he could use that much-needed money for his family). For this reason, I advised him to stop seeing me. I told him to go home to his pregnant wife, and give her comfort, do something special for her , but don’t spend hundreds of dollars (that you really cannot afford) for spending one hour admiring an escort. It amazes me how far men will go just to have sex and be with a woman!

Did he listen? No, of course not. Men love women who are ‘unavailable.’ According to him, I was special. I was the only girl he saw. For him, he felt I was ‘worth it.’ But I felt guilty taking money that could be used for someone (his wife and child) who needed it more. So, I told him, once again, to stop seeing me. That was the last time, and soon after I stopped working in that particular establishment. Apparently, he still calls the establishment looking for me

 

Your Question: How to Make Clients Spend Money on You?

The only thing I can say is be yourself. Don’t be greedy, be thankful. I am an honest escort. I have been in many situations where I could ‘exploit’ the situation of my clients for gain. I know how to do it, but it goes against my personal ethics. I am a woman who has a heart, and therefore I cannot hurt people intentionally. I see the merit in honesty.

But! Unfortunately, not all escorts (or women, people for that matter) have honest intentions! I’ve seen plenty of women (working and non-working) who can lie, use and manipulate good people for their own selfishness.

I am not perfect. I have made mistakes in the past and hurt decent people. But it hurt me also.

If you are an escort looking for cheap and easy ways to “scam” a man…you are reading the wrong blog. It is an unfortunate truth that many women in the industry are not honest, and do give the honest ones a bad reputation.

 

Your Question: Do Escorts ever Fall in Love with One Man?

Why not? Escorts are human. Why do people assume that an escorts needs/desires are any different than a non-escort? Like any individual, an escort her own unique preferences. Ironically, despite the fact that most escorts defy social norms, I’ve observed many escort women who desire heteronormative relationships in their personal lives (ie: monogamy and marriage).

Personally, I can be loyal to my love, but I don’t know if I could be monogamous, however.

 

Your Question: Does Escort Work Ruin Her Sex Life? (Does Prostitution Ruin our Personal Sex Lives?)

It’s a logical question. One would think that having too much sex would be physically draining (especially because society assumes that women are hardly horny). I’m sure this is the case for some women, because too many women are still shy or unaware of their erotic capabilities. But personally, sex work intensified my desires. Sometimes, seeing clients is like a big tease (a build up), and makes me crave my personal lovers. In fact, I attribute that being with multiple clients taught me so many great things about intimacy. My experience with countless clients made me a better, more enthusiastic lover in my personal life. In this blog I focus on the implications of escorting, which are solely negative. But I have to say being a prostitute gave me access to some sexually-talented men, and contributed to me being in tuned with my body and thus experiencing an amazing personal sex life. Something about being a courtesan makes me feel sexually assertive, and enhanced my dominance persona with men. Perhaps this reason could explain why most clients are concerned with making sure I get pleasure.

11 Comments

Filed under Bisexual, Facts About the Sex Industry, Questions for Escorts And Clients, Sex, The Escorting Business

“Yes, Mistress..”

The services that sex workers provide varies. A minority of working girls are specialists in fetish services, also known as Dominatrixes. Every “mistress” has her own rules, and many of these fetish specialists do not offer sex as part of their services. Equally, a lot of men seeking fetish services are not seeking sex. Personally,  I am ‘normal’ service provider most of the time, which means I have conventional sex with men. But occasionally, I perform fetishes for clients.

I have beaten men with leather straps/whips. I have punished men. I have spat on their face. I have soothed the fetishes of men who desired my feet, me in high-heels, in boots, or wanted to just to focus on certain parts of my body …or, for instance,  request to see me in a particular color of stockings (of course, this was their request). Do I enjoy it? Well, depending on the circumstances it can turn me on sexually with clients. For instance, I love men who ‘worship’ (as they say)  my body. Most men generally like to do full body admiration with me (which isn’t so much a fetish), while others have fetishes for particular areas of the body (yes, there are even some who love a ladies armpits!). In terms of me giving physical punishment, I more enjoy it in my personal life. Initially when I first started this work, I thought fetish clients were weird and strange, and I couldn’t do it. Now, I often wish I could be a fetish specialist.

From my observations, a lot of fetish clients are powerful men. In their daily lives, they are accustomed to giving orders and telling people what to do. So, when they visit an escort they behave the exact opposite: they want to be totally helpless. They want to kneel at a woman’s feet and be vulnerable and submit to her desires. In other words, it’s all about her pleasure (or at least that’s the idea). This only proves that external facades can be heavily misleading. I’ve seen countless ‘normal’ well-dressed men who desire unconventional fantasies in secret. I embrace it.

One of my clients overseas was memorable. He was a young guy who usually made a 2 hour appointment. Sex was not his goal. He always brought beautiful lingerie, designer high heels and stockings with him. He wanted me, the escort, to dress him in women’s lingerie and high heels. After dressing, he wanted me to torture him mildly. He wanted to please me too. I tried analyzing his bizarre fetish, yet the concept of a man dressed in women’s lingerie wanting to be humiliated by beautiful woman boggled my mind. Now, however, I see the allure to ‘taboo’ acts. I prefer it myself. Gender constructions of masculinity place a lot of pressure on men to behave in certain ways — a lot of men reject these ideals placed upon them, so sadly it often has to remain secret that men have ‘alternative’ desires.

In my personal life, I enjoy fetishes. I like to mix mild pain with pleasure with men I love. I must emphasize that this is strictly limited to someone I genuinely enjoy/love. I’m dominant in the sense that I get what I desire, and my lover caters to my needs. I equally like inflicting mild pain, while receiving it depending on my mood. I’m what is known as a femdom, because my lovers know my pleasure and satisfaction is paramount over their own…, and I love the idea of them serving me. The idea of him putting my manicure feet in his mouth drives me wild…I love to be spoiled. Or, like with my ex used to love,  sitting on his face. However, I love to spoil my love too, and take him to the edge….to the point where our bodies are shivering.

As the Kama Sutra says: there must be variety in love sport…

6 Comments

Filed under The Escorting Business