Tag Archives: Clients and Escorts

One-sided Love: When a Client Falls for an Escort

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The first client to profess serious love for me in terms of getting married was about 9 years ago. Let’s call him James. This took place when I lived overseas. Back then, I was a very young lady who did not fully understand how critical matters of the heart were. I had met this client James once, and then unknowingly I made such an impression that he very quickly became a frequent and generous regular client. He was very easy going, kind hearted and generous — so I quickly began to enjoy his company as a client. Since he came to see me so frequently, I eventually became comfortable to go out with him publicly. We started going to dinners and theatrical shows together. To me, James was just a client and a lovely guy who’s company was joyful — but nothing more. But for him, it was much more. I was young and oblivious, however, to his intentions. It did not occur to me until later that he was spoiling me with the hopes of winning my heart.

During this time, I had also met my ex-fiance as a client. My ex, however, was someone I truly felt connected too — and very quickly we became a couple and then started living together. Once my ex and I started living together, I cut off all non-business communication with James. And very quickly, I decided to abruptly end business relations with him too. I was occupied with my ex, so I felt seeing James was too much time and effort. It was at this point, I was shocked to discover the hurt I, unknowingly, inflicted upon James — James had the idea that I was growing closer to him and we would settle together. He started showing up at my home or at the brothel I worked at, waiting for me. I was startled and shocked, because I had zero feelings for him and only considered him like any other client –the only exception was that I was closer to him as a client because I saw him so frequently. James had the best of intentions, but he mistook my kindness for something serious, which made him panic when I suddenly dropped him. It was my fault for failing to outline my intentions towards him. Looking back in retrospect, I should have taken cues of his desire for me — and moreover, I should have stated early on how I was not interested in anything beyond a client-escort relationship. But again, I was young and knew nothing about matters of the heart, so I was innocently unaware. This was a huge learning lesson for me, and a lesson I still have to apply until today: make your intentions clear from early on, and never play with someone’s heart. 

This example with James occurred when I was very young. I had no intention to mislead someone or play with their emotions whatsoever — it is my biggest fear until today to exploit someone’s heart. I have made mistakes and caused pain indeed. But I, too, know the pain of deception, so it would burn my heart to intentionally cheat someone. I was simply oblivious at my early days of escorting on how to deal with clients who became attached or fell in love.

And then the story of my ex-fiance and I — again, I was young and naive while I was with him. I did love him, but I was not sure of what I wanted through out our relationship. I was scared to settle down so young with him, and for this reason, I tried to leave him numerous times early on in our relationship. Out of love, I felt it was unfair to stay with him when my heart was not sure of what it wanted. But anytime I expressed my desire to leave him, I saw his eyes and felt like a Mother abandoning her child. This was my first true relation, so I did not know the rules or the consequences of love. Fast forward two years, I ended up leaving him. I was unsure of what I wanted throughout our entire relationship — I was poisoned with thoughts of the ‘grass being greener’ while with him. He dreamt of marriage and family, and I killed that dream for him. It was all unintentional. Only years later, once I faced rejection myself, I realized how dangerous love is when there is no structure or morality to guide it.

Now, the examples above shows how being oblivious and ignorant are part of being young. It is hoped that one will eventually learn empathy (the ability to consider the emotions of others) which distinguishes them from childhood into adulthood. Sadly, some people have no sense of empathy — they kill souls and feel no remorse. But others learn through trial and error. I had to be the neglecter and be neglected myself to learn the valuable lesson of empathy in love: don’t play with someones heart, don’t use someone, don’t make empty promises and more importantly, be clear with your intentions. 


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And so, there have been subsequent clients among the years who have expressed a one-sided admiration for me. And out of deep fear of hurting their dear hearts and inflicting them with pain that can be lethal, I have to hurt them with honesty…

Tonight, a client just left my home. He is reading this, as I felt comfortable to tell him about my blog. He is an all-round lovely, young man. Tonight, before he came to see me, he sent me two writing pieces he made about me. I read them. He wrote about me in the tone of love and admiration. But instead of feeling flattered, I felt concerned for his heart. Rather than applaud his efforts, I crushed his heart with the harsh tone of my bluntness: “I don’t feel the same.” He claims he has fallen in love — he wants to express it in all ways. Just moments ago, he sends me a photo of a cardboard cup that sits in the cupholder of his car. It was the cup I drank last week, filled with tea. The cup has a pink lipstick mark, my lipstick. He keeps the lipstick stained cup in his car as a memorabilia of me. And in his writings, he writes about how my scent stays with him after he leaves my home. He must have read those ‘scent’ posts on my blog, and he must think I feel the same way. Am I supposed to feel flattered? No, my dear. I am sad for you. Sad for the situation. I know my honesty hurts, and I don’t want to hurt you —  but honesty is my duty.

After learning from my past mistakes years ago, I have since become very blunt when I get an inkling that someone has feelings for me. Sometimes, regular clients confuse an escorts’ kindness for a deep, intimate connection. It is important for anyone to be true with their intentions with another –after all, one’s character is defined in how they treat others

So I said to him tonight, as I have numerous times in past meetings….”I don’t feel the same, I am not in love with you nor will I ever be.” This must confuse him, as my behavior with him seems otherwise. I understand his confusion. Yes, I can genuinely enjoy someones companionship, but that does not mean I desire them.

What worries me the most, and causes me to be more harsh, is his sense of hope for “us.” In his writings, he wrote his hope to eventually “win my heart.” So once again, I have to crush his hopes again and again, being firm and harsh — when will he understand? I tell him he must stop seeing me. Now, I feel bad for accepting his generosity. How can I feel comfortable taking his kind gestures when it means I am leading him to eventual heart ache? But I told early on, I have been honest. Yet he says I own his heart now — and I shout “I never asked for it!”

As an escort, I must be blunt, I cannot pretend to love a client to line my own pockets — that is heartless and apathetic.  I tell him that he has no choice but to accept the fact that I have no feelings for him outside a business relationship. And that doesn’t mean he is unworthy — not at all. He is too young to understand that sometimes unrequited love or losing someone is a blessing in disguise. I fear that he does not make this realization, but instead blames himself. It is not him who is lacking at all — he must learn a lesson that many need to learn: chemistry is not a choice. There is no such thing as one not being ‘good enough’ — no. There are reasons why people come together and why they part — it requires immense patience to see the spiritual importance of why people come into our lives, who remains and who departs.

I cannot exploit his heart. I cannot exploit his generosity to benefit myself without thinking of how this affects him. No. I have seen the abuse of love and its consequences. I have seen how love is falsely proclaimed when it’s simply a ploy for one’s selfish gain. I have seen suicide resulting from false promises of love. So much dishonesty masquerades with the label of ‘love’ and so many broken souls who once dreamed. This is the result of a society with no structure or morality  — I learnt the lesson long ago, do not play with hearts.

Final Remarks:

Despite I used the term ‘love’ in this post and past posts of mine, I have come to realize that there is no such thing as wholesome love without structure/guidance. I wrongly assumed that I experienced ‘true’ love in the past — but I no longer believe that was love. Perhaps at best, it was just a glimpse of love. There is no love unless it’s given the correct conduct that it deserves — love is a serious responsibility, not a toy to play with. But sadly, today, love is treated as something so casual, something to play with and discard once ‘bored’ — and alhamdulilah for Islam, because Islam makes awareness of the societal ills that result from the falsehood of unrestricted love. As a Muslim, I finally see how love is only granted when one follows the guidelines of Allah swt. Islam recognizes how love, when outside the responsibility of marriage, is often misused and leads to social chaos (fitna). For this reason, Islam prohibits the relations between men and women outside of marriage  — after all, sex without responsibility renders people being exploited, used, heartbroken or deceived (all things which Islam seeks to protect one from).

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Filed under Emotional Aspects Related to Escorting, Questions for Escorts And Clients, Relationships

When Honey Drips – A Courtesans’ Pleasure Part 3

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I’m aware that my erotic writings can come off as pompous. I do not want to give this impression, as I’m rather humble. But my instances with great admirers and lovers induced these realities — I never elected to be praised or admired, but fate had it that I am a delicate rose for them..

My loves are well versed in my ripeness, and my admirers quickly learn about it  —  they all know how euphoric our experience will be when I’m ripe. Just like bee’s know the bliss of pollinating the fragrant rose– my lovers and admirers know there are certain times when my fragrance, taste, touch and visuals are simply irresistible.

Synchronous with the moon cycle, I go through a phase of ripening — like a sweet fruit or blossomed flower. It seeps out of my skin, speaking silent words, which say that I’m deliciously ripe, at my tastiest peak. I cannot even hide this secret, as it becomes obvious that my body is exceptionally warm, exceptionally soft, delicate, and exceptionally aroused. This erotic ripeness is written all over my face, even though there are no words. This invisible language somehow conveys that there is silky yearning from between my thighs. My lips, already full and thick, become more plump. My pink flower becomes more fragrant. My bosoms, more tender and soft. Even my soft feminine feet speak this language too. I take well care to emphasize these yearnings, by bathing and grooming so lavishly.

On this particular morning of ripeness, I wake up from a relaxing sleep. My body is warm and slightly damp from a light, fragrant sweat. Whenever I feel this sensual dampness from my body, I remember the times when a former lover begged to taste my perspiration, such as under my heavy breasts or on my neck. Scent is a lovers comfort. Anyway, on this particular morning, I remain lazed in my bed. As usual, I squeeze my large breasts and hug my body as a form of comfort. My breasts feel exceptionally soft, tender, and erotically sensitive. Then I softly squeeze other parts of myself. I put my hands between my legs, feeling the softness of skin and heat between my thighs, and then put my hands over my soft hips. I relieve a heavy sigh, and felt an intense yearning to be touched, caressed, kissed. What bliss it would be to be gently thrusted right at this moment. For the moment, I start to fantasize about my lovers of the past and present. I am reminded of the countless erotic mornings where my lover is beside me in bed — morning passion is my favorite, but I shall write about that another time. Meanwhile, I fantasize about a lovers warm thickness inside of me, I am yearning to erupt. But then, my phone beeps, and I remember that a client will be arriving shortly. Rather than explore by myself, I decide to unleash my arousal on this new client that I haven’t met before. I have high hopes that this client will be lovely, for a ripen beauty awaits

I quickly tidy up my home, and then have a streamy bath. I wash my body thoroughly under hot water. And then I shave my intimate parts to pure smoothness. Afterwards, I lather myself in a fragrant lotion. I decorate myself in all the ways that brought my other admirers to awe. I keep imagining how aroused this client will feel when he see’s me. I can’t wait to reveal myself to him, and impress him with my beauty and seeping sensuality. I observe myself as I stand, how my ample breasts are peeking out of my lacy bra, how my g-string tightly clings to my hips, how my anklets make my legs and polished toes look pretty, how my thick glossed lips look tasty, and how long silky black hair drapes around my exotic face. Before I become too full of myself, I remind myself about what’s most important: being grateful, so I say “Alhamdolilah” for everything.

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And the Almighty answers my heart, as I’m blessed with having clients with lovely hearts and romantic mannerisms. At times, I could be in melancholy mood, yet my day is brightened from seeing lovely clients. The new client finally arrives. He is an older man, very polite and soft spoken. I can tell he has a good heart, which soothes my happiness right away. As we made introductions, he kisses my hand. He then respectfully hands over an envelope with the money for our allocated time. We then proceed to the purpose of our appointment..

I suppose I tease in a very subtle way. While we exchange some introductory chatter, I am fully aware that he is absorbing my voluptuousness, my erotic look. I am also aware that my well-endowed cleavage is on display for his eyes, and that he is yearning to touch them. My buxomness is yearning to be cuffed by manly hands, and suckled by a warm mouth. Without words, I give him permission to touch me, as I gently place his hands on my warm skin. He caresses my breasts, and wants to kiss my lips simultaneously. But I motion him to kiss my cheeks and neck instead. I only permit him a small kiss, without tongue. I do not passionately kiss men so easily. But for this client, there are many other delicious spots where he can taste.

My bra comes off and reveals breasts that are beckoning to be suckled. Like a child yearns for milk, grown men desire my voluptuous breasts like I’m providing the comfort of milk (though I have none). Yet their desire does me great wonders too. He feasts upon them and suckles gently, while I’m starting to lose myself in a trance. It’s not that I’m even particularly attracted to this client, but his immense respect and sweet admiration makes me want to be playful.

After, his hands gently pass over all over my body. He reaches my thighs and then over my panties. I’m fully aware of what potential bliss he might induce upon me. My thoughts are exceptionally vain, because I know he wants to please me. I know he will slowly work his way down, and move his face to my core. His face arrives between my thighs. I hold my breasts while I watch him soothe his curiosity of my feminine parts. He opens my legs, where I am completely exposed to him. I can feel myself moisten as I’m exposing myself. He says, ever so sweetly, “Can I taste you? Is that allowed?” His mannerisms and touch is so delightful that he didn’t even need to ask. But since he is mindful of my comfort, I give him permission, “Yes… please…taste me.” I am deeply honoured when men ask permission before exploring me further, even though it’s not always necessary when I’m deeply aroused. His courtesy only furthers his goodness in my eyes.

He feasts upon me so softly and delicately, and I am melting all over his lips. When I’m ripe, my body emits a scent that makes my worshippers crave. Yes, a fragrant rose who summons the bees to consume the sweet nectar………………..

Rather than divulge into the rest of the details with this client, I will begin with another client who arrived at my home right after. After this new client left, I was still immensely warmed and aroused. Another client would be arriving shortly, a regular client of mine whom I know well. I was pondering about getting out my toys to satisfy my yearnings, but again, I decided to unleash these passions on my next client…….

A regular client of mine arrives. Very quickly, he detects my ripeness by the flush in my face, and he wants to make me bloom more. He undresses me, removing my bra, removing my elegant heels. And then, I watch him as he feasts upon me. Every man has their own unique way to caress my body, and I thoroughly enjoy to see how each man seduces me. He put my soft feminine feet in his warm mouth, licking and caressing each toe. Gradually, his lips move up my legs, up to my thighs. And he dove in to taste me. He gently dips one of his fingers inside my melting honey pot and then he put the same finger in my mouth and said, “Look how delicious you taste.” Fruits are more sweet when ripe. Once my sweet bee felt satiated with my taste, both of us yearn to connect. There is nothing more blissful than feeling a desirable man’s thickness enter the tensed, silky warmth between my legs. Like a bee to a rose, I bloom more..

To be continued.

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Filed under My Erotic Writings