Tag Archives: Being an Escort

A Courtesans’ Perspective: Fragments of Thought

Lately, I am reluctant to share my thoughts. Sometimes I see no purpose to continue writing at all, but then I’m reminded of how my writings can, perhaps, comfort and help others with similar experiences. Rather than a usual post,  this post contains fragments of my writings in recent months.

nature

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(…) I am immersed in emptiness. Yet this lonesome exile inspires my poems. Had everything remained glorious, would I ever conceive these poems? These thoughts brew endlessly in sleepless nights. If you see beauty in my words, then please know that they are the result of pain and tears.

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(…) At least, with your protective arms, I could forget the world. Forget all my worries. But now, there is no hope. No security. No protective love from you. Everything is gone. I want to escape so desperately. But I can’t. I am on my own. And this debauched society tells people to be ‘independent,’ in an effort to mask their exploitative interests. Yes, I am praised for being ‘independent,’ yet this made me further isolated from warmth and belonging — who did this really benefit after all?

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On “The Impact of Travels” :

(…) When I was in my early teenage years, I remember walking along a narrow lane in a busy city in Northern China. I was starting to become aware of my rapidly blossoming womanly body. My appearance caused the attention of onlookers, who first complimented my appearance and then ask “Where are you from?” Ethnic wise, I can be anything from Turkish to Turkmenistani, so whenever I travel internationally people often assume I am mixed with their local culture. As I walked along, an elder man, who seemed to look like a holy man of some sort, stopped before me. He bowed at my feet and then apparently blessed me. These early instances of superficial admiration started to build my growing sense of self..

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(…) I realize my daily routine is really just feeding someone else’s dream. Countless hours spent studying, reading. And I do this with painstaking joy and curiosity. But why through these elitist institutions? It’s very discouraging when realizing that most of our lives have been strategically tailored to maintaining a system of profit and greed. 

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Poetry:

(…)Let me wither away. Let me be like a corpse, a dead body, attracting all the vultures. Let them feast upon my body until it’s empty. What is the point to remain a half-dead body? 

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“Hopeless Moment” :

I cannot bear to be a burden to anyone anymore, so I stay in my own prison. If I don’t sell my dead body, then my savings will go dwindling, just like my heart. How can an escort remain successful when she is dead inside? My success is tied to my sense of hope — but how does one continue this work when all hope is faded? This smile is so fragile. I cannot bear to be fake, but I have too. 

My ‘sweetness’ is fragile, and I pray that good men will approach me. I fear the bad side of this industry, as I’m far too weak, at this particular moment, to deal with the bad seeds. And sadly, bad seeds are increasingly abundant….

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On “Annoyances of Advertising” :

In a perfect world, I could advertise and only lovely men would contact me. But in reality, my carefully outlined website isn’t enough to deter morons from contacting me and wasting my time. Yes, there are hungry vultures of men who sit on their computers, calling up escorts and inevitably waste our time. They have no sense of courtesy or respect. I ignore these types, yet unfortunately they are part of the process of sifting good potential clients from bad ones. I must say thanks to God, because my clients are lovely men who are deeply respectful. But sadly, an escort has to encounter the BAD to see the GOOD. And even worse, sometimes it’s not so easy to tell the good from the bad. 

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On “The Doctor: an ‘Endowed’ Client” :

(…) I was not used to his endowed thickness. He was too lovely to deny, so I wanted to try. He asked, sweetly, “Are you okay?” I told him, “Yes,” and motioned him to continue pushing it inside me. Whilst this handsome young doctor was attempting to fill me with his thickness, I was fantasizing that my previous lovers were watching me take it. I expressed this fantasy to another client, Mr.Zee, last night. Whilst he penetrated me very passionately, I said, “I wish a group of young handsome men are watching us, would you be shy?”

At times, that’s one of my main fantasies: to have my lovers watch me getting so wet and horny for another handsome man’s thickness. I want my lovers to get angry, yet at the same time see their manhood getting immensely hard. And then, my lover, of course, gets his turn after the other(s) finish. I do not actually consider doing this fantasy, but talking about it can be exciting…

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On “My Heart and Love Cannot be Bought” :

I swear, it is really the most strangest feeling to be extremely sad, hopeless, unhappy whilst simultaneously laying in the arms of a man who thinks you are a Goddess. I can illustrate this by narrating a client I recently saw. This client was of similar origins to myself. He saw me and couldn’t stop praising me. He said I was his dream girl, and he wanted to dedicate the entire appointment to praising me. His flattery was along the lines of “I’ve been dreaming about the most perfect girl all my life, and it is you.” He literally was licking and kissing my body for 2 hours. After he made me orgasm, he insisted that I come again, and again. Eventually, I had to forcefully push his head away from between my thighs. I found his sweetness very lovely, and felt very thankful for it. But I knew what he wanted — he wanted love. And I have no love in my heart to give him, except for the moments he paid for. He reminded me of my ex-fiance, who went to all lengths to make me feel pleased and happy in the most selfless manner. I feel sad that I cannot give him the love he desires. 

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Without love, everything can seem so pointless. Why aspire to anything if life is going to be lonesome and meaningless? And ironically, there is love all around me. I do have men who love and admire me, offering me the life I dream about. But I do not love them. I cannot force myself to love someone. I want nobody else. I have no desire to meet others. My heart is in exile. 

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Poetic Thoughts:

Let me burn. Let me burn until there’s nothing left. I swear, I am only a body now. My soul has departed. Like Pakeezah called herself, I am just “a dead body.” I am a beautiful body, who’s dead inside. I am painted with kohl and red lipstick, appearing like an elegant beauty of exotic regions. Once, this beautiful body and face was filled with light within, but now, everything is gloom.

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More on “My heart and love is not for sale” :

(…) Lately, I’ve met too many single clients who are trying to get a relationship. Most are humble and respectful about it, which doesn’t bother me. But some are arrogant, who mistakenly think they can impress me with their money and so-called ‘success.’ To the arrogant types, I feel like saying, “I’ve had much BETTER than you. I’d rather DIE than settle with you.” Yes, that’s extremely harsh, but honestly sometimes that is what I feel. One overly-confident client asked, “If a man supported you financially, would you be with him?” And I said, “Only if I loved him, but otherwise no.” No, my love is not for sale. 

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I am back in hell. Silenced. I do not dare to share my pain with clients, or anyone. If I wanted to, I can be loved and cared for. But I don’t want to be near somebody I don’t love. I’d rather sulk alone. I don’t want pity. The only one who can console me is the one who just died. 

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(…) and these nights drenched in tears, surrounded by abundance, has made me realize the most invaluable purpose of life: God (love). 

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On “Mourning” :

It feels like I’ve spent these weeks in mourning. Mourning, yet there is no comfort in the sense of closure. Finally, I went to a place of death, where there is only mourning. And I cried. I was shocked at myself, as I almost never cry in front of strangers. Everyone around me was crying, and somehow I absorbed their pain too. But for the most, my tears were in vain, as I was mourning the death of my own love. And how does one mourn when their heart is shattered? How does one just continue in life? Life can never be the same. 

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Filed under Emotional Aspects Related to Escorting

Answering Your Questions #3: Client and Escort Dynamics

I’m on a minor path of self-destruction…but I’ll explain that later. For now, I’ve decided to answer some of the numerous questions or key-words that my viewer’s google to locate my blog. Yet before I begin, I want to share some metaphors from an old film about the life of a high-class courtesan, “Pakeezah” (which translates to ‘pure heart’). In reference to herself, the courtesan says, “Prostitutes are dead bodies and the market is the graveyard…. I’m a dead body that’s lured by life again and again.” She then compared herself to a kite, a kite that is slowly cut away by the forces of wind…where only bits and fragments remain. The pain of her words….they touch me, intimately.

 

1. Do prostitutes like sex or money?

Money drives us to this job. As mentioned in previous posts, prostitutes should not be assumed to be a woman who loves sex. And if she does love sex, this does not imply that she loves sex with all of her clients. Many escorts do not derive any personal sexual pleasure at all with clients. Only a very tiny minority of escorts, like myself, enjoy intimacy with their clients. But overall, for prostitutes, the lure of money is the appealing part of our work, not the sex. It is very important to note selling one’s body was not a ‘choice’ for most sex workers, when considering the limited amounts of choice available to people in marginalized positions.

For many sex workers, sex is the dreadful part (not in my case, but most escorts I observed aren’t quite as open sexually as I am). Many just want to get it over with as quickly as possible. A small minority of girls can enjoy particular clients and feel pleasure (as a courtesan, I do enjoy certain clients of mine as companions and sexual partners), yet again: the focus is money. I certainly have enjoyed some clients, but regardless I will not sleep/mingle with a man that I don’t love for free. The idea that prostitutes are these horny, ‘hyper-sexual’ women hardly depicts the reality. I wish more prostitutes enjoyed their work as I am often able to do, but the reality is most women doing this job are driven by real or perceived economic disparity. Women who are in touch with their sexuality (ie: horny) exist regardless of profession.

 

2. What information should an escort obtain from her client?

Just like us, most clients want to be discreet. They might use fake names, because they are married and don’t want to risk their identity being known. Anonymity is central to the business for both escorts and clients. Asking too much personal information may defer clientele, while others are happily to disclose their life biographies. I screen my clients by judging their telephone/email etiquette — I ask them to briefly tell me about their age, nationality, what intentions they have for me, etc.

 

3. Why don’t escorts like to tell their real name?

We fear of associating our identity with our profession. Why? This might impact our social mobility, social relationships (such as their family and friends finding out). Prostitution, whether legal or illegal, is still stigmatized. Society has harsh, negative consequences for women who are known to be prostitutes, so we are forced to remain secretive (otherwise we risk a lot of negative social sanctions).

 

4. How to Please a Prostitute/ How to have Good Sex with an Escort?

Well, in a bitter way, I could say: don’t be demanding, and don’t annoy her. Many girls complain about clients who don’t follow our ‘rules’ (or limits), such as touching places without permission. Pleasure is a very subjective question. Giving pleasure to a ‘normal’ woman is very different than a woman who is paid for sex. And to complicate the situation even more, everyone’s desires are different. A woman who gets paid for sex may not want to be ‘pleased’ by her client. Some girls strictly just want money from their client, and refuse to get sexual pleasure (and the good ones fake it). However, a small minority of us might be more accepting. The best clients are men who do not expect and are respectful.

Many of my clients are very polite and respectful men, which makes me feel comfortable to explore with them. I favor certain clients who have genuinely kind hearts, and I allow them to please me in ways that I may forbid others. I favor certain clients only because they gained my trust. I must mention that almost all clients try to give me pleasure, but certain men fail to understand the essence of pleasure. For one, some men seem to think that one sexual technique can apply to all women. This is completely wrong. Any sexual experience is very unique and cannot be performed in a uniform act. Bare in mind that all people have their own unique ways of reaching orgasm. And, unfortunately, there are women who are not interested in achieving their own orgasm . Most importantly, good sex depends on emotional and physical chemistry between the participants — chemistry is something that cannot be bought or created…it’s a rare beauty that just happens between two people. It’s best to test areas, slowly (with a willing partner, of course), and then gradually proceed.

If I must advise a client on ‘how to have a better experience with an escort’ I would suggest the following techniques clients have done with me: start by giving her a relaxing massage. I recall clients who gave me a full body massage, without touching my erogenous regions right away. Not only will it relax a woman, but it can gain her trust of his touch. Let everything occur slowly, so that she can anticipated every progression of passion. The slow-pace seduction will drive her crazy, and thus (hopefully) have her wanting more. Some of my clients were totally selfless…not tending to their sexual needs, but instead focusing on making me feel relaxed (again, it’s important not to rush!). A good lover will explore what she likes, by gently trying to kiss various parts of her body. Let her guide you to what she likes. This worked with me with certain clients, but again, it was all based on chemistry. Be mindful that desires of an individual can also change depending on their mood.

Chemistry is key, but also the mood of the hired lady is a deal-breaker. I do let sweet clients give me pleasure when I’m in the ‘mood,’ yet sometimes I loathe the idea. Although most of my clients are kind, I am not genuinely attracted to all of them. Sometimes I avoid seeing certain clients, because I know they want to spend the entire appointment in a  “Girlfriend Experience” state. This consists a romantic ‘boyfriend/girlfriend’ situation where the client wants to kiss, cuddle, give me pleasure, and have sex at the very end of the appointment. The men are very sweet, which seems ideal, but it can be exhausting acting like a ‘girlfriend’ to a man I don’t love/care about. Most of my regular clients are all pleasure giving men, which means I try to avoid seeing them when my mood is bad. It’s even more difficult to see clients when I’m in love with someone else. When I am single, I find it much easier to work and enjoy clients.

 

5. How to Make Clients/Men Love You (As an Escort)?

There are no uniform steps to make a client love you — it just happens naturally. From my observations, investing in ‘fake’ behavior doesn’t reap benefits, nor does it attract wholesome people. Be yourself. Love is something we cannot plan or predict. It just happens. I’ve tried experiments of altering my behavior with clients (from acting overly slutty to acting innocent). I found that being as I am works best. I’ve tried to analyze the men who love me: why do they love me? They love me because I was ‘real’ with them. The trend I noticed is men who loved me are ones I didn’t care to impress. I acted indifferent with them upon initial meetings….and genuinely had little interest in being with them. Maybe my independence is appealing for some men, …they find it challenging that I, seemingly, don’t need them.

I could advise women to be manicured, polished and glamourous to make clients love them, but I’ve seen very unpolished girls with plenty of admirers. I no longer believe that investing heavily into cosmetic/external beauty will equate to admirers (sure, exterior beauty might attract men, but that alone wont make them kneel at your feet).

 

6. What is the Difference between an Escort and High-class Escort?

There is no real difference. The only difference is the marketing and approaching various scales of clientele. One girl can be playing two roles: a regular escort, which means more clients, lower price; Or a high-class ‘exclusive’ escort, which means higher priced and limited clientele. Yet at the end of the day, a regular and exclusive escort are the same thing. Service, intimacy and beauty are subjective irrespective of whether an escort is ‘high-class’ or not. I’ve seen stunning women who work for two different agencies….one that’s exclusive and very expensive, and another that’s medium price range with more clientele. There is not a rigid boundary, as many ‘regular’ escorts can eventually establish themselves as courtesans with a more limited clientele. And vice versa, a courtesan is also susceptible to falling down the prostitute social hierarchy.

 

7. Do ‘hookers’ love having sex on drugs ?

I found this question quite strange. That’s a terribly wrong analysis. Firstly, women who work while on drugs  usually hate sex more than other sex workers. They are taking drugs to cope with the fact they hate servicing men. Even high-class escorts will resort to ‘numbing’ with subsistence’s in order to make money and ignore their hatred of servicing men.

 

8. What’s it like to be an escort?

(Please check my blog later, as I am writing a post on my personal ‘lifestyle’ as an escort).

 

9. What are Reasons (for men) visiting prostitutes?

A lot of my married clients have a similar reasoning for seeing me: they say they love their wives, but their wives no longer have sex. Or men claim they like variety. Due to social expectations, many men marry one woman as a foundation for family, but does it mean they limit the number of ‘unofficial’ women for their sexual purposes? Does marriage always translate into good sex? Some men openly say they desire ‘variety’ for sex, while others contend that it’s the fault of the wife. This is something I hear time and time again: Wives stop having sex, and assume that their husband should not have sex either. There are a multitude of reasons. Some men don’t just need sex, they want pleasurable sex, sex with emotion and a deep connection. Perhaps some men are unable to express their desires with others, so they hope to find sensual solace with a prostitute.

There are also other married men who get lots of sex from their wives (even good sex), but they like something ‘different.’ Perhaps they need to prove to themselves that they still have the power to be appealing? Perhaps their egos need a little inflating? Many academics argue that the Western construction of ‘Masculinity’ influences men to prove their so-called ‘manhood’ by sleeping with multiple women (as if women are to be conquered). It’s not so much out of their personal desire solely, but rather societal norms for ‘being a man’ indoctrinate some men to prove themselves as ‘manly.’ So, just in case you’re one of those women whom tell men to ‘act like a man’…you are influencing the discourse of men to behave in a ‘Masculine’ construct, thus aiding the gender binary construct. Constructions of identity are very powerful, as they create a so-called ideal. The current constructions of masculinity and femininity in a Western context are very harming, as they serve an elite status quo rather than a collectivist effort.

In some historical contexts, men resorted to ‘comfort women’ in scenarios where ‘proper’ women did not exist, such as situations of war and colonization (which still occurs today).

Some Single/bachelor clients have told me that sex with an escort is better and easier than trying to find it ‘for free’ at nightclubs. It’s easy for a man to pay a woman for sex rather than the effort of convincing a ‘normal woman’ to have sex with no-strings-attached.

As for another calibre of clients: some single clients are truly lonely, and have little interaction with women. They do not seek a prostitute for sex necessarily, but rather they desire intimate companionship with a woman. These are the type of men who need to be hugged, and cuddled, and in these instances I like to think of myself as a healer. Yet in reality I am not helping their situation, because they are seeking love while I am seeking money. I feel compelled to tell these lost souls that they are looking for love in the wrong places.

 

10. What are Some Tips to Stay Positive while being an Escort?

My only suggestion is to work as LESS as possible. Do not work everyday! Try to work once a week, or even less. The industry is very exhausting (emotionally), especially if that is your sole profession. Since I am in a committed arrangement (with the Sheik), I don’t really have to work. Thankfully. Lately, I work only once a week, or sometimes even less (sometimes I don’t work for months.) Yet even working minimally I am still affected by the ills of living a secret, socially condemned life. The traumas that come with having sex with strangers for money is not the only problem for a prostitute. In addition to that, being a prostitute is difficult because of the implications in modern society (stigma, criminalization, being deprived of the ‘privileges’ associated with normative lifestyles). For years I tried  to make the job easier for myself. I told myself I wouldn’t let the work affect my emotions, or touch my soul. But it’s not easy all the time.  I work less, so I can stabilize my emotions and do happy things, such as being with people I love. One can simply not block out emotions without using something, usually intoxicants, to distract them from reality. Nobody, regardless of their profession, can constantly remain happy….life is about happiness and sadness. We must experience these emotions, so we can (hopefully) reflect on our lives.

 

11. Do prostitutes remember their strangest clients ?

Yes! How can I forget the men who licked my underarms; or the man who booked me for 8 hours just to worship/lick my feet, hands, and bottom for the entire 8 hours without any sex; ….or the guy who used to pay to massage me the entire appointment and never even take off his clothes.

When a group of escorts come together we do discuss the ‘strange’ and ‘weird’ clients — which can often be quite funny. A lot of girls like to laugh about the ‘fetish’ clients they had, such as, “The foot guy,” “The bottom licker,” etc. For the most part, I don’t mind men with ‘strange’ fetishes, and I try to understand their unconventional fixations. It’s tragic that certain sexual acts are even referred to as ‘strange,’ which indirectly says that some sexual acts are more performed than others. In sex, there should be variety of desired acts, so nothing should be considered ‘strange.’ Personally, I enjoy men who have ‘fetishes.’ After all, being too ‘vanilla’ gets quite boring.

 

12. How Much Money Do Escorts Make?

It really depends on the girl. Essentially, when one has the ability to manipulate and numb/ignore emotions the amount of money is limitless. Unfortunately, as humans it’s very difficult to ignore our emotions all the time. The two factors that lead to money are: charm (in the form of personality, beauty, and skills) and secondly, emotional sensitivity. I  consider myself quite charming in the sense I am skilled, beautiful and have a dynamic personality, yet I am very emotionally sensitive. Therefore, I don’t work often because I find too many clients stressful and overwhelming. The clients are lovely often, but putting on a facade and being affectionate to someone I don’t love is quite, surprisingly, exhausting for me. I have never worked full-time as an escort, because I need other things to do in life. I am motivated to make money for saving, paying bills, and doing some shopping, but I do not seek more. In the past, I made more money when my needs were greater, but I also spent it lavishly since my lifestyle was different than it is today.  If I wanted, I could work harder and see more clients, but a full-time lifestyle as an escort seems like suicide to me. Balance is key.

 

13. What if a Prostitute sees a Client in Public (outside her work) ?

This has happened to me numerous times. I used to have a huge social phobia about running into clients outside of work. I feared, because clients may approach me, or call me by my alias. And my fears were confirmed when prior clients of mine have approached me in public! I even saw a client while I was shopping with my Mother…it was extremely nerve-racking. I don’t want my clients to know the ‘real’ me that exists in day-to-day life. I just want to remain their fantasy, and nothing else. I had another client shopping with his wife and kids. He saw me looking totally different, wearing no makeup. He came back to see me, and said he was so excited to see me while he was with his wife. This is another reasons why I don’t want to meet too many new clients — I don’t want to be known. Clients represent a separate world that I don’t want to mix with my personal life.

 

14. Is it Unhealthy to Sleep with an Escort? Is it safe to have sex with a Prostitute?

All escorts use PROTECTION with their clients. Some girls will do more than others when seduced by money, but for sex we all use condoms. Only an insane/desperate woman would have sex without a condom; and equally only an insane man would sleep with an escort without a condom. It’s absolutely unheard of high-class escorts having unprotected sex with their clients. However, if a client and an escort become more intimate and personal, the dynamics can change. Some of my regular clients, whom I’ve known for years, have asked if we can try without a condom. They trust me, I suppose. But I decline, and say no. Overall, most escorts are extremely health conscious. However, risks of STI’s can be contracted from non-penetrative acts as well.

The women who take more risks are doing it to meet the demands of clients — because for many clients oral-sex with condoms and no kissing is quite boring. Sadly, some escorts perform the highly sought ‘bare-back blow-job’ (fellatio without a condom) to get more clients. What these women don’t realize is that they are getting short term gain (money) for long-term risk (diseases). As for the bulk of escorts, we take minimal risks: we use a condom for sex and oral sex. Therefore, it is no more/less unhealthy to sleep with an escort if she uses protection during all sex acts.

Given there is minimal skin-to-skin contact, sleeping with a high-class escort can be a bit “unfulfilling” from a client’s perspective. I use the word “unfulfilling” because sex with a prostitute is often physical without true intimacy. Amazing sex is based on mind and body stimulation. Thus, sex between a client/prostitute lacks the essential stimulation of the mind. After all, how exhilarating and delicious can sex be without deep kissing, touching, sucking, and tasting ?  Those ‘delicious’ acts are risky with clients, yet many clients demand this. They want the closest to ‘real’ sex as possible. They want their escort to act like their girlfriend: they want to eat her pussy, kiss her lips, and feel her mouth over his manhood. There is tremendous pressure for escorts to go beyond safe limits to make her clients happy. Many clients prefer cheaper women, because it is assumed that cheaper women do ‘more’ for ‘less’ (thus, the risk is increased). These men miss the essence of pleasurable sex, because pleasure is based on connection (not how much or how little one is willing to do). There are also very high priced escorts who ‘do it all’ to a more limited clientele. This places tremendous pressure on women in the industry: how easy is it for a woman to maintain her safety, comfortability and be successful?

 

15: Do prostitutes have rules / restrictions?

Yes, clients play by our rules, not theirs. Yet there is an irony to that statement. Most escorts promote themselves as women who “Cater to the Clients Needs,” but in reality we set the boundaries and limits. Every girl is unique to what she offers in terms of her services. We all offer sex, but we do it in different ways. For instance, limits/restrictions might include: no kissing or light kissing only, clients can release multiple times or maybe only once, no oral sex without a condom, no receiving of oral sex, no touching between her legs, etc. My restrictions are that everything is ‘covered,’ which means I take no risks. I do not passionately kiss clients easily, but I must admit that I’ve given up many limitations with the occasional handsome, delicious client — or favoured regulars. For instance, when I met the Sheik, as a client, we ended up kissing passionately — of course, our chemistry was rare and intense.

As mentioned, a majority of clients demand riskier services (oral sex without protection, ‘greek,’ etc), so unfortunately a lot of escorts will jeopardize their health to make more money. I feel disgusted when a prospective client, who’s never met me yet, will ask if perform ‘natural French’ which is a oral sex without a condom. How can he take such a risk with a woman whose history is unknown? Likewise, most clients request to service me between my legs with their mouths, which seems flattering, but I can’t help but wonder: don’t clients think of how many other men have touched my body?  How can he be sure that I am ‘clean?’ What I realized is that many men get aroused by the idea of a ‘dirty’ woman. By no means am I ‘dirty,’ but I have slept with countless men….and that fact alone is a fantasy for some men.

Sex workers might advertise ‘passionate’ services or ‘porn-star’ services to attract a more clientele, but the reality is we cannot perform uniform techniques with every single client we encounter. Human sexuality is not uniform, and attempting uniformity is a bad way at approaching others. Sure, we have restrictions, but they are deeply influenced by the chemistry we develop with clients. To expect a sex worker to give a stellar performance with every client is a very unrealistic, dehumanizing expectation.

Finally, a rare breed of clients have their own terms in addition to hers. For instance, a rare category of clients do not seek sexual intercourse with escorts — instead they may just seek oral or hand release, or perhaps they just want to play with themselves in the company of a beautiful woman. There may be norms and patterns in sexual behaviour, but every experience is still unique.

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Filed under "High-class" prostitution, Facts About the Sex Industry, High-class prostitution, Questions for Escorts And Clients, The Escorting Business

Do Prostitutes Really Choose To Sell Themselves?



If a prostitute isn’t being forced to sell herself, then it’s easy to assume she chose to sell herself. Indeed, individualistic societies assume that people have the freedom of choice in life (neoliberalism, the dominant economic ideology, masks its exploitative agenda by using the notion of ‘freedom’). Thus, when someone makes a mistake, the individual is blamed for causing his or her mishap. In Sociological terms, one’s own assertion of power is referred to as agency. Most sociologists argue that one’s agency  is influenced by numerous societal factors/expectations. A prostitute choosing to sell herself is not solely her choice, but rather the outcome of her social circumstances.

Yet it is not surprising how people assume that ‘high-class’ prostitutes make the choice to sell themselves.  This mentality judges everything on the surface, but it fails at  discovering the experiences that preceded it. My ex, for instance, felt I had total agency (power) over my decisions. He didn’t realize I was severely addicted to selling myself, nor that my unique lifestyle had shaped me irreversibly. I didn’t realize it myself back then, as I thought the sex industry left me unscathed. Once the veil is stained.. the stain will remain forever.

At large, society ignores the factors that places stigmatized people in ‘dysfunctional,’ helpless positions. Did they choose to be neglected? Did they choose to be sexually or physically abused, or to have alcoholic parents? This mentality ignores the inequalities that exist in this ‘functional’ structure of society. How can we expect people with different experiences to all act, think and feel the same? It’s unrealistic.

I read a great article by an author named Nekome, read here , titled, How Prostitution Chose Me. The woman gives a great example of how her personal agency was limited by her personal experiences. She was lured to the sex industry. “When real alternatives do not exist, it looks like people are making bad choices. What are the basic rights that all women and children should have so that they never have to make the “choice” to prostitute?” Again, what are the alternatives for a woman who has sold herself? Even if she stops she will still be haunted by her addiction. As well, she has to conceal her past in public settings, and may believe she is a’ bad’ person for her past, which causes emotional distress. When someone is so emotionally damaged inside, is it easy for that person to integrate back into ‘normal’ society and pretend everything is ‘normal?’ Not at all.

Our life circumstances greatly influence our emotions, and thus emotions influence the choices we make. This assumption bothers me: “Why can’t prostitutes work NORMAL jobs and work HARD like the rest of people in society?” I got into prostitution because I couldn’t function in ‘normal’ workplaces. Prior to entering prostitution, I had extreme depression. I tried to work a normal job, but my emotional problems lead to social phobia and anxiety, and thus I could not commit to the linear schedule. Financial strains and pressures from family to succeed increased my depression. Prostitution lured me in, because I could work when I want (at my own leisure).

In my personal experience, it’s so hard to go back to a normal job. I have tried a few times to quit the sex industry and work at a normal job. The problem was not just the adjustment of making less money, but it was lack of commonality with ‘normal’ people. I had to hide everything, all of my personal experiences that defined me. I feared of being rejected or condemned. Often, I avoided making friendships because I hated pretending to be ‘normal.’ So, I ended up being introverted, and I would get depressed as a result. The depression affected my ability to show up at the job, and thus I lost motivation.  Then I reverted back into what I know best: selling myself. Prostitution allowed me to essentially survive while dealing with emotional issues. I could work when my mood was good, and of course retreat when I was feeling depressed. That was how I survived (on the surface).

Prostitutes become ‘poisoned’ once they know that plenty of men are willing to pay large amounts of money for sex. Now, it could be a positive thing, but sadly the modern sex industry is drowned in exploitation. My own experiences are blessed in comparison to the majority — most other escorts are doing this purely for money, and not deriving any pleasure. Thus, they become addicts, and the addiction dictates them. Now, for me, even though I can enjoy aspects, I still endure the pain of being condemned by wider society. It’s easy to assume that I, living in a ‘lavish’ lifestyle, feel content and complete. The reality is I often feel empty, lost and insignificant. It doesn’t help that I hide my emotional problems, and I portrayed myself as emotionally stable and confident. Once, I truly believed I was ‘normal’ too, but now I realize ‘normal’ women do not have the same experiences as I. In my own experience, I want to emphasize that having sex for money is not the problem, nor are clients the problem — rather, it’s the exploitative nature of state regulations and how that subsequently influences society to hate, degrade, silence and neglect prostitutes.

Another woman wrote her experience as being a high-class prostitute:For a great part of 1992 I lived in a beautiful apartment on Capitol Hill. I drove my expensive car. I bought lovely clothes and traveled extensively out of the country. For the first time in my 20 years as an adult woman, I paid my own way. There was no need to worry about affording my rent, my phone bill, all the debts one accumulates simply by living month to month. I felt invincible. And I was miserable to the core. I hated myself because I hated my life All the things I came to possess meant nothing. I could not face myself in the mirror. Working in prostitution lost my soul.Survivor interviewed by Debra Boyer, Lynn Chapman and Brent Marshall in Survival Sex in King County: Helping Women Out (1993), King County Women’s Advisory Board, Northwest Resource Associates, Seattle. (Taken from website: Here)

She depicts it well. ‘High-Class’ prostitutes are living a ‘lavish’ facade, but underneath there is a lot of pain (and if the pain isn’t shown, then it is likely being numbed). How can one explain that a woman, who essentially has ‘everything,’ can feel totally isolated and miserable?  But what is everything? These ideal values (materials, beauty, wealth, and power) promoted by Western societies are a big MYTH, a LIE (it’s BS!). I acquired all these things that society told me will make me happy and wholesome (and more acceptable), but it did the exact opposite. It made me more individualistic, which pushed me further from happiness. And worse, it made me neglect the simple treasures of life (love).

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Filed under Dealing with Depression, Emotional Aspects Related to Escorting