I like to encourage dialogue in this blog. Please feel welcome to comment, share your story and/or ask questions related to the sex-industry.
I was wondering if you could help. I’ve been reading your blog, and found it very interesting regarding sex work and it’s many different forms, and also to get some insight into the women I meet so I can empathise with them and get them to feel at ease too.
So far I’ve been seeing escorts for around 5 years on and off, as my life is really busy and I work long hours. Normally me and a sex worker meet once or twice, exchange pleasantries, money and fun, and part ways. Recently however I’ve been seeing a particular girl quite a few times. She is of Middle Eastern heritage, and initially I was attracted to her for her physical beauty, but after having some small talk with her inbetween rounds, I came to find out how intelligent she was, and how lovely she seems to be. Naturally this attracted me towards her so I became a regular of hers, and we meet together for a coffee outside her house, and then go to hers for some action. (2 hours total)
Basically, we seem to get on like a house on fire. We talk about things like history, politics and economics, books we read, and the conversations we have at the coffee shop run smoothly. We are the same age and we share the same sort of humour and life experiences, when she says she’s experienced something, I have too and vice versa. Tbh it’s rather kind of eerie that we have such a similar outlook and life experiences, and naturally I think that helps us bond together amongst other things.
In our most recent session on New Year’s Eve, we booked a 2 hour session of going to a coffee shop, followed by fun. Once we got to her house we did our usual routine, however what was different was that she was way more affectionate, passionate and intimate than she usually is, I picked up on it, but was cool about it, until she flopped down beside me and melted into me, cuddling me. We started having a heart to heart, her giggling at me telling funny stories from my work, and I told her how I loved that she can relax around me, remembering the first and second time her being nervous and tense, and that for me it’s really special knowing she can relax. Her pupils were dilated, and her cheeks were blushing as we had the heart to heart. She then told me she loved that we can talk about things that aren’t just about sex, and how special that made her felt. It felt magical, she accidentally forgot track of time, and our session carried on for 2 and a half hours instead of our usual 2 hours.
When there are interactions like that, it’s very hard not to feel attraction. I’m usually good at keeping things professional, and I respect the girls professionalism, therefore I haven’t done anything more than book time, have fun, pay accordingly, and give a little thoughtful gift occasionally such as some book tokens (given how much we talk about books). What do you think she could feel about me? We speak briefly pre and post meet up, recommend books and have banter and share a meme or two. Naturally it would be nice if she felt the same way but regardless, I just enjoy her company, even if she doesn’t feel the same way, but might just love my company, and feels she can relax around me and enjoy herself too. I just don’t want to seem to attached either as it wouldn’t be fair, so I was just wondering what your thoughts would be and what you would make of the situation.
A fan of yours.
Dear Fan of yours,
In reading your post I got the impression that your question was not so much about the girl but a more nuanced examination of yourself. What I hear you saying that in the past you have had neither the time nor the inclination to strive for friendships having the potential to form attachment bonds. At least that I what I hear form your statement, “So far I’ve been seeing escorts for around 5 years … as my life is really busy and I work long hours. Normally … meet once or twice, exchange pleasantries … and fun, and part ways.”
That seems to be changing. You seem to desire to build friendships and attachments and are unsure how that is progressing in particular with the woman you hire. Which brings up an interesting question you have not asked, “How do match making services work?” Beware because sex providers are not screening for potential mates they are screening for safety and a no string clients able to pay. Oooops– Have you made a mental switch from seeking sex services to match making? Remember sex providers are not in it to find a significant other, just make money and with luck have fun with few good clients. Good repeat clients like you are obviously reliable, easy, have money, and safer – ideal clients.
Jumping from escort to escort is not at all the same as interviewing many prospective mates from a service. The relationship you have with this woman might be thought of as matchmaking interview that includes sex but repeats itself never getting past the first interview because that is where the progression is intended to stop. But dating is progression of learning about each other in a ways that foster mutual understanding, empathy, connection, resilience, dependence, social context etc.
While the two of you may enjoy your time together for all you know she is married with kids. Or maybe her husband is bisexual and they are looking for a third partner, “would you like to meet him?”
The question therefore is how does a potential couple move from sex for hire to the intention to interview for friendship and potential bonding? The current relationship sounds very sound for what it is; intellectual and lots of Oxytocin producing sex. There is nothing wrong with having such professional, Oxytocin producing, sexual time with another human being. Think of the nurse who is with someone to hold and save their life goes home at the end of the shift likely having no further contact.
In fact to hear you and Sahar and others talk about this arms length intimate relationship sounds like a really nice thing to keep going! But as she also points out don’t mistake it for lasting friendship and soul mate bonding because at the end of two hours you both go back to totally disconnected worlds.
The going back to two totally separate worlds is only a small part of the for-hire contract you are asking about significantly changing. Your separate world is heavily devoted to work. Forming a support bond with another human being is 24 hour commitment to be there for them when they reach for you and visa versa. That does not mean being physically present that would be rather awkward in your lines of work. It means being there for someone emotionally either in their mind’s eye or in person. That is radically different than scheduling and preparing for 2 hour retreat so that you both you both can be on best behavior.
The alternative is to keep companionship for-hire contract going and realize that despite increasing feelings for the person, the answer all important coupling question “Will she/he be there for me when I reach for he/she?” is NO. Some of Sahar’s best writing is about her intimate relationship with the sheik. Despite their compatibility he was going back to a country where family life and culture that would not include her and that had nothing to do how they met or her work.
In asking questions about changing from for-hire companionship to matchmaking the first fundamental question is; “are you ready to make commitment to bonding connection given your interest in working all the time?” Only you can answer that not Sahar or this girl, it is yours. To your surprise may find she is more capable of juggling her work and bonding exclusively with you, than you are with her.
It sounds like you are asking permission to be-selfish; explore a life with friends, intimate bonds and dependency on others. Permission granted but realize you are many deep and emotional conversations away from moving from companionship for-hire to matchmaking. First with yourself and them with the girl you asked Sahar about.
Be-Selfish, does not mean exploring relationship in a way that will do them harm or at another’s expense. Being-selfish means understand yourself and those around you for the well being of all.
As a surprise to most, building trusting attachment has very little to do with sex; it is daily hard constant learning about, life, attachment theory, people, oneself, the mate, the relationship, how to self/social regulate and the social context of it all.
Best to you and the woman you write about.
I’ve had a think over it for a while, and I’ve always understood that it is first and foremost professional. I think we have a connection but in a professional sense. Kind of like how you go to a favourite bar, have a favourite barman, you engage in regular small talk, have a few heart to hearts but ultimately you leave it at that. We both have our own life and she has hers. I would never ask her out purely because I know that it is her job (she also has another ‘Mainstream’ job outside of sex work), and that is unprofessional as such, so I respect that. I think I will just enjoy it for what it is which is a coming together of two individuals for physical and mental pleasure but in the parameters of a service. Seeing her certainly helps me as I’m getting in shape and read more books and things like that, and when I speak to her she often has similar goals she wants to achieve. We’re both 25 so pretty young, normally I wouldn’t think anything of it but her doing things like blushing while talking to me and having dilated pupils can’t be faked, so was just curious about what she could be thinking. I’ve cuddled with escorts before but I never felt the energy, connection and feeling I did with her. I think I should just play it cool and just enjoy it for what it is.
A fan of yours.
Beautifully elaborated by @woodbine.
Thank you ‘Fan of yours’ and Akbar Khan, I feel heard.
‘A fan of’; you bring up some very interesting and insightful things about human emotion when giving the bar analogy. I often think of this as a conference analogy where by one goes to a conference meets people doing exciting things in areas of one’s interest has intense connective interactions, swap contact info never to follow up after they leave the conference.
Sex for-hire can be totally disassociated, intense connection or, even more intense connection like Tantric ritual sex for-hire after which all three types go there separate ways. The phenomenon is the same as with the conference or in the bar analogy. Culturally because it is sex not a conference or a bar we falsely equate sex with falling in love and bonding.
However we as humans have the capacity for very intense connection without establishing attachment or a caving to be with one another out side of that bubble of brief shared intensity. Sahar has written some very interesting essays. Her contributors like Diana Diamond, Aphrodite, and Pua Nani have added to the understanding of the phenomenon.
When you ask, “normally I wouldn’t think anything of it but her doing things like … can’t be faked, so was just curious about what she could be thinking. I’ve cuddled with escorts before but I never felt the energy, connection and feeling I did with her,”
I’m hearing you ask the question; could she be interested in me as a match because I might be in her? Safety is safety and the expectation of being flooded with Oxytocin is well euphoric to say the least. So the presentation – the feeling of safety and expectations – is going to be the same or extremely similar between a bonded couple and a secure companionship/sex for-hire twosome. But there are major differences; in the dependence, agreeing to understand, support and be there for each other at least in the mind’s eye 24 hours a day. It’s unlikely a non secure bonded couple or a usual sex-for hire pair would experience what you felt. Someone disassociated would feel nothing, cut off, non-connected.
So yes I’m guessing you felt something very real, safe, and connective; then experienced a flood of Oxytocin in your body and hers. This does not mean a sudden switch to matchmaking at all. The fact that you have not felt it before with other people tells you that you have more wonderful things to look forward to in discovering how wonderful human connection can be whether it is hired, free or for secure attachment. Does it mean anything more than you have a safe, sympathique companionship for-hire relationship? No. To switch to matchmaking requires very different questions and emotional conversations.
An ideal client is a lot like an ideal mate so you don’t loose anything by reading her and checking with her about her well being allowing her to do the same with you. Just remember as a good business woman keeping a collection of ideal no strings attached clients at arms length is a joy, not an invitation for any of them to fall in love and complicate her life. Attachment or love aside, sex for-hire connection can be safe and intoxicating that’s why I used the word joy.
You say it best, “I think I should just play it cool and just enjoy it for what it is.”
Connection and secure attachment are learned as you are experiencing. So is sex. But even if great sex is connection it is not attachment so don’t be confused. Oxytocin producing sex is not at all the same as attachment – love and a 24 hour commitment to be emotionally present and there for a bonded partner when they reach for you. As you seem to be interested in matchmaking while you learn with her you might want to check out Susan M. Johnson’s book “Love Sense” on attachment.
Again, Best to you and the woman you write about, it sounds like at 25 you both are enjoying learning about the joys and pitfalls of being human.
My name is Mark im 24, for about 6 years now ive been on the fence of becoming an escort or sex worker. During my childhood i was repeatedly sexually abused (woman) and physically abused (by a man). My trauma has warped my perception of sex and trust dramatically. I get off on womans satisfaction but i also know i am a helpless sex addict.
Ive sympathized with the woman who abused me only because i know she was abused as well. Since then all of my fetishes and fantasies are just reliving trauma. Being used by an older women to get off and im totally ok with that. I happily seek the satisfaction of the woman i have physical encounters with, and figured what better a position to help my trauma, worship women and have fun plus make some money? Could you do a article or maybe some content of differences between male and female workers? Pros/cons or just give me tips for beginning in this field? Thank you so much ❤
Hi, would it be ok to email you regarding a wonderfull woman who is working as an ascort,and myself who was a client, but has fallen hard for her, and its very difficuilt on us both.
i think your blog is amazing, ty for this.
My email is firstname.lastname@example.org.
During my childhood i was repeatedly sexually abused (woman) and physically abused (by a man). My trauma has warped my perception of sex and trust dramatically. I get off on womans satisfaction but i also know i am a helpless sex addict.
Really sorry to hear that. It is quite interesting how past trauma affects ones sexuality and desires in later life. Interestingly enough, these sort of traumas explain why certain men and women develop certain sexual fantasies/fetishes (such as being submissive, dominant, sadist, masochist, etc).
Ive sympathized with the woman who abused me only because i know she was abused as well
You are really strong to make that realization. Indeed, abusive people were products of abuse themselves.
Since then all of my fetishes and fantasies are just reliving trauma. Being used by an older women to get off and im totally ok with that.
This is very compelling. I always wondered what childhood events made some younger men have a desire to please an older woman and be dominated by her.
I happily seek the satisfaction of the woman i have physical encounters with, and figured what better a position to help my trauma, worship women and have fun plus make some money?
Unfortunately, I have no knowledge about male escorting for female clients, nor the dynamics of it’s market. A man can be an escort for gay men, but for women — I have no idea.
I am really torn inside falling for this escort. I don’t know if I need to let go of my feelings and stay as friends. I met this escort from an agency about a year ago. I saw her about 3 times before she gave me her personal number. Our sessions were great in chemistry and we have a lot in common (music taste, similar age, studied similar things in college). She doesn’t live in my town so I saw her outside her working hours whenever she was in town. We saw each other many times (drinks, dinner, concert). We split everything each time we’ve gone out. The thing is I couldn’t tell whether any of these were dates so I was afraid to be forward. I think that might’ve led her to believe that we were just hanging out as friends. Although, I’m not sure what her intentions were when she gave me her number and asked to hang out (no money involved).
The thing is I know that I’m not her client anymore. I know her real name(both first and last), where she lives, where she’s from. I know about her family because she talks about them and has shown me pictures of her siblings. She even invited me to visit her town and just crash at her place.
I really like her. Shes beautiful inside out. Shes kind, carefree, funny with so much compassion and empathy.
Do you think I still have a chance with her? Or should I just leave it alone and stay as good friends?
Hey, I’m an underaged girl with some questions about the sex industry and I would like to discuss this in private if that’s okay with you?
My email is email@example.com
Hun please think about it there are men that will treat you like a queen. I for one was in a relationship for 5 years after my wife died with an escort/addict she saved my life. Long story but we became best friends, I saw her have her child, witnessed her coming off drugs and back on. I bought her diamonds, cars, went on vacations, last was a house for us. The whole time we were together she had an addict boy friend. But promises of us being together kept me there, endless accounts of money. We ended it today when she wanted more $$ for drugs for her and I know her boyfriend. When she got mad because I wouldn’t hand it to her again, she said I was nothing but a cheap ass client. Since February 23rd I had sent her an average of $80 a day. Bought her an SUV an engagement ring, and a set of 3/4 carat diamond earrings and a diamond tennis bracelet. I don’t hate her, in fact I still love her. But she got so bad on drugs again that I was nothing but a wallet to her and her addict boyfriend. Anyway she never went without as long as I was with her. I honestly love the woman behind the prostitution and the drugs. So I know there is a man that will love you and cherish you for your heart. She and I were always going shopping and doing what normal couples do. I use to pay her not to do appointments. So believe me the right man will never judge you and will always love you. Please just consider trying, but if you do decide to go back into it, if you fall in love with someone please just be honest with them and let them decide. If she would’ve given me the choice she would’ve been surprised I would have stayed. I just couldn’t get over her staying with a man that wouldn’t work at all he worked 3 1/2 weeks total in 5 years, I worked 2 jobs to give her the things she wanted. I hope you figure it out but either way you will be loved by the right man.
Hello. I’m really curious to know the connection between this job and the psychology and mental state of a person who does this job. Can you stay happy and avoid depression and emptiness? If a person wants to start this, what are the top 5 things she should take care of?
Don’t start this life. There are no preventative tips to avoid the unpredictable things that being a sex worker brings.
Hi. My name is Michael and after serious thought I decided to expose my self by commenting in a general way about the world of sex industry and everything in it. I consider myself well experienced as I managed to get into the core of this world for which I have a very good idea of what it stands for. I generally sympathize women who dare to do this and not only because I am married with one. I can honestly say that I had always a normal love life, grow up without complexes etc but I have always like women. I couldn’t stay much long without the company of a woman as a lover or a friend. That is probably a kind of actual complex? I don’t know. The fact is related with women I felt more close to normality than hanging around with empty, hangry for sex guys who just speaking nonsense. Not that I don’t have my buddy’s with whom I spent time and do things. But women are really beautiful human beings and with much more genuity than men. So speeding up my story I encountered with sex workers. A beautiful world if someone can handle feelings, relationships , opponents (yes that too). Most of all act with respect just as with any situation in life. I suffered enough trying to cope with my feelings regarding my relationship with women who offer sex with every kind of men. But I have been loved as well and I always put my self in their place . I drink , smoke, stay up late and face financial difficulties. But it worth every single day I spent with them. I am pretty sure now that there’s nothing more important than love in life. At this point I guess you can assume that I spent almost all my adult life hanging around with sex workers. No I was not. But I found love in a different, difficult world full of challenges and I can say that if a sex worker feels for a man then that really means something. No Porsches, Ferraris, millions . Just me. Well there’s another side though of all that. It’s not only fruits and sweets. And I don’t agree with many comments around. These women force their nature to do this job by choice. Nobody push them to do this and I am not talking about trafficking and extreme personal conditions or crime effects. Everybody have to understand that it is not normal for someone to do this. It’s the result of weakness and taking advantage of circumstances as well. Women use the freedom of principles and values to justify their choice . They have the power over men to deal with men’s unstoppable need for sex. So between those women many act accordingly and many times destroy completely men. I saw rich became poor and happy men became alcoholic and destroyed. This is a dangerous world for everyone. Prostitutes prefer easy going men, pay and bye bye. No , it’s not like that. People have feelings and life can not be ordered like a meal from a menu. So take it easy . Women are beautiful human beings but they will crash you if you don’t get along with them. This is their world. And they know that. So be normal and respectful guys because you will go down. As for sex workers I am positive that they are the best as long as we respect and behave normal
Thank you for commenting and sharing your experience.
These women force their nature to do this job by choice. Nobody push them to do this and I am not talking about trafficking and extreme personal conditions or crime effects. Everybody have to understand that it is not normal for someone to do this. It’s the result of weakness and taking advantage of circumstances as well.
I am confused, are you trying to say women choose to become an escort or are driven to sex work by circumstance? You alluded to both in these sentences. Women do make a choice, but their choice is heavily influence by circumstance. Sometimes women are not even fully informed of the choice they made (ie: how I came into sex work).
So between those women many act accordingly and many times destroy completely men. I saw rich became poor and happy men became alcoholic and destroyed. This is a dangerous world for everyone.
Indeed. Love happens, feelings happen. Unrequited or dysfunctional love can cause destruction. That’s why self-discipline is very important for men and women.
Once again, thank you for sharing your views.
I guess i confused you a bit. English is not my native language but any how i am not far from what i wanted to point out. The fact is that i was typing through my cell phone lying on the sofa and i got tired loosing my concentration!! What i wanted to say is this: For many years now humans are following their goals for well being in a completely different path than before. How beautiful, handsome, sexy, rich etc is someone is among the “values” which dominate in a human’s decision of how he/she understand the meaning of success. I think there is no reason to explain that and since we are talking about the sex industry i cannot imagine anyone believing that a female is forced to enjoy this world because she is a victim of trafficking, crime, personal circumstances (poverty, violent victim, drugs etc). This is 2019 and we all know how prosperous someone can be by doing this job. To clear up things i am talking about sex industry in developed countries and not the conditions in countries when human rights are limited to zero.So, lets be frank. A beautiful sexy woman in USA, Germany, Italy, UK, … by choosing to be an escort is most probably a free choice (which is fine with me. I am not judging that at all). So taking that for granted, we can assume that what is happening in the world of escorting is something like this: Beautiful sexy women who by no chance could be someone’s girl friend, they choose to offer this experience against a good and fare price. By doing this, two things happen: The lady gets easy richer and the man gets happy, fulfills his ego and enjoy time with women he couldn’t encounter under normal conditions. This is the main picture of high escort world. So following my previous post i have nothing but good words to say about women who are doing this, feeling normal with their self and behave as such (appreciate good customer, respect and why not fall in love whith). But what i dont like at all which is not uncommon, is women who really dry out someone both economically and emotional by using their sexual and beauty appearance to do that just for the money. And finally i don’t cope anymore with all those sentimental crap about women who had no choice in life except that. I was married with one of them and i fight until hell to do this. These women are by far the best to be with. But someone has to be careful. Genuine and respectful to them. Because men know what these women stand for. Its escorts who dont know anything about us. By trying to impress them lying about who we are , it will bring serious trouble. That’s all)))
My name is Rick I recently booked a escort from Las Vegas girl directory
She arrived we agree on compensation I retrieve Compensation from safe and hand it to her I go to restroom to come out and find her in my safe must have seen combination??
Asked her to leave 4 or 5 times nicely telling he to keep what she has Finally I decided I had to scare to get her to leave or get physical so I pulled my weapon from night stand and said get out !! She left with over 1500 and I am black listed what should I have done?? I am really a sweetheart of a guy I just hate a thief!!
I also would like to add that I’ve have been seen by several and never a problem
She gets the 1500 plus what was negotiated and I get black listed or at least I think I have
Some people say should have called security ??
How do you get UNblacklisted. ??
Your case is a good example to highlight that there are DIFFERENT kinds of escorts. Your case also reiterates the fact that seeing an escort will ALWAYS be a gamble — you literally can’t know what to expect until you take the risk. You met a typical Las Vegas escort. They have a pimp. They have a crew of other escort girls who all share the same pimp. They have a hardened “hustler” mentality to scam men like you whom they call tricks. They prey on a naive man, get him to the room, and try to take as much money by offering the least amount of body-to-body contact. I am sort of surprised you weren’t aware that most Las Vegas escorts are like this? If you want a quality escort to actually establish a connection, then be aware that only independent escorts with no pimp MAY offer a more intimate service.
As to how you reacted, I don’t even know what to say.
As to removing yourself from being blacklisted, I also don’t know what to say.
Maybe this is a heads up to stop seeing escorts and find something more fulfilling?
I’m 40, started seeing escorts some months ago and 2 days ago I told the escort I really like goodbye.
We have met about 8 times, and everything was ok (not ok… great), but suddenly I found myself developing feelings for her (this was some months ago). I know that I don’t know the real her, that I’ve only met the role she plays on the bedroom, but I think I have witnessed some glimpses of her real self and that is what I have been getting in love with (intelligent, caring and with a clear head, apart from the obvious sexiness).
The problem comes, as usual, with me, I don’t feel capable of coping with these feelings, that she doesn’t reciprocate, I asked her, and even if she did I wouldn’t be able to cope with her work, I don’t have anything against escorting or any of its variants as long as the person doing it is doing it by its own decision (not forced by anyone) and as long as it’s safe, but the thought of her with another man/woman makes me really sick, not in a jealous (the bad jealous) way but it can actually make me cry.
Having said that, I decided to tell her all of this and say goodbye, the feelings are too strong and I don’t want to hurt myself anymore, but I wanted her to know that i’m not leaving because i grew tired of her or that i think she did something wrong. So I booked her again and after everything, I told her.
First, after confirming she wasn’t in the same place as me, she asked me if i had lied to her (told her i’m single, and i really am), then she insisted on keep seeing each other (as client/escort), then she got angry and left the room, and finally we both teared up like little kids when saying goodbye at the door of her work place.
Now I’m here, writing this, thinking of where i’m going to find the strength to go forward.
PD: Sorry if there is something cringy with my English, it is not my native language.
Thank you for sharing. This is not cringy at all. This is a real life scenario where feelings of love happen. You did well to protect your heart.
I wish you the best and feel free to comment any time
Thank you very much for your kind words Sahar.
I think it is the correct decision, but the doubt encroaches constantly, should I ask her to date her outside work, to know each other and try to make it work (she told me she is planning to stop escorting, and she will be studying in some months) or should i keep going back, swallowing my feelings and enjoying her company until she stops working.
I know in the long run it is going to be really bad for me, but that’s what happens when the heart gets in the way, just trying to keep strong, avoiding contact and all.
Hi! I am a huge fan of your blog, I was a past escort who left the industry for good but your blog speaks the truth about sex work and this industry for those who are in it and those who don’t know about it! You are brave and courageous to open up to strangers and give them insights and knowledge about this line of industry. I want to contact you in possibilities for spreading your blog for others to read as well. Can I email you?
Aww thank you for your sweet words. Sure, my email is firstname.lastname@example.org
Well wishes on your journey
Hello Im a 27 yr old female and I have been really wanting to talk about escorts with someone….but I don’t trust therapists and I have conservative family/friends. Is there anyway I can reach out to you via email?
Hi, is there any way we could talk over email or something? I’m in an emotional wreck from an escort and I do not know what to do. I’m so young and do not know how to deal with these emotions… You could give me like a therapy session and I will pay you.
Yes. Email me: email@example.com
just sent you an email!
I am in love with a beautiful Asian escort and probably addicted as well. I am just another client to her I am sure, even though I have seen her e twice a week for the last 3-4 years. How do I stop ?
I am 28 I am a single mom of a 4 year old girl I am clean and curvey and I have searched for work but I feel I want to do something different and it’s to become an escort to provide for my child as I have a delayed development and I struggle in the outside world but I find my peace and inner self here it makes me feel safe and calm and I am good in what I do love giving pleasure and receiving and doing this as I want to go finish my studies to go and try to work in the outside world and I am up for many fun and sports
Lizette I completely understand where you are coming from and if you are sure about it I’d say go ahead. I am a provider as well and it does get the job done. Moreover you enjoy giving and receiving pleasure so might as well get paid for it!!!All the best
I cannot recommend Lizette to join the sex industry, because there are too many negatives that outweigh the benefits. Though, I do understand why many single mothers are pushed into sex work since other options are not available to help them. Wish you and her the best.
I agree 200% with the comment by escortdiary. Nothing is better than an honest advice and she is always honest in guiding.
Very sweet of you. Blessings
Sahar? It’s Larry from the US.
I’ve been “quietly” observing. Reading questions that different people have asked you and your responses to them …
A few of my “observations” for you… Kind, succinct, knowledgeable, intelligent, empathetic, unselfish,…pretty remarkable (at least in my book) 😉
I’m talking about you … I hope I haven’t embarrassed you??… I’m “sooo curious” about you. Please DON’T WORRY – only in a good way and in a respectful way …
I sure don’t know much about this “escort” thing. But I know a lot more about it now than I did …
And so?? Just quietly “take a bow” (which means feel quietly proud of yourself).
You just might be making a difference in someone’s life!
In all the things any of us can do? That’s quite an accomplishment.
Thank you so much Larry for your kind and lovely comment.
You’re welcome, Sahar 😊
Hi. I have low sex drive, and I´m almost 40. My psychologist adviced me to visit sex workers, but I´m a very anxious person, specially with diseases, and I´m affraid of getting an std. Besides, I have almost none sex experience, and I don´t know if it would be mentaly healthy to visit escorts, instead of trying to get laid the old fashion way, or seducing women until I get a permantent partner. And I´m not very good socially, so the least is very difficult for me. Any advice?
Soorry if I posted in the wrong place.
I suggest seeing a quality escort for a session where the end goal isn’t necessarily sex. Given you have zero experience, you need a session to get used to a woman and to talk, feel comfortable and learn. Some sex workers will welcome that. No need to feel shame about your situation. Own it. Try to find an escort who has a good personality, intellect and isn’t using drugs/alcohol. Once you find some that are suitable, write them an email and explain your situation. Tell her you are seeking a session to learn about intimacy and sex (and you are not seeking sex per say). As long as you pay her hourly rate, I am sure some escorts will welcome you.
Secondly, make sure that you, yourself, are presentable and extremely hygienic/well groomed. If you neglect your hygiene, then you risk being rejected by an escort. Escorts don’t care that you are nervous or shy, but your cleanness and overall presentation is a deal breaker.
I don’t have a clue about escorting but very interested in pursuing. How do l go about looking into this going forward?
I do not recommend escorting to anyone. What has influenced you to consider doing escorting?
Did you ever consider writing a book? I’d like to discuss it with you.
Hello, I’m amazed by the way you put the things clear for everyone to understand. I’m almost 50 and unfortunately for me, I fell in love with my regular, she is a wonderful person and connect with me great but I know is only business. Should I stop seeing her? What would you recommend me to do? Thank you.
Thank you for commenting.
It’s hard to advise for your situation. It is indeed most likely only business from the escorts perspective (except in rare cases).
Should I stop seeing her? What would you recommend me to do?
It depends on your heart — can you handle still seeing her knowing it will always be an escort-client dynamic? I think it’s fine to continue seeing her as long as you respect her boundaries and don’t make her uncomfortable with your love. In other words, don’t remind her that you are in love with her.
In my experience, some clients got too emotionally involved by expressing their love and I had to end the dynamic (it made me feel very uncomfortable). Clients who fall in love usually try to get very personal, which is what causes the discomfort for the escort (ie: texting outside of appointments about personal stuff, constantly asking to go out, asking very personal questions about my personal life, etc). If you want to continue seeing her, don’t do those things.
There is a second option, though I am cautious in recommending it. If you have the financial means, you could offer to be her sugar daddie. She might be okay to go out and do things with you if you pay for it. But again, if you are in love, that might hurt you deeply in the end.
Hope that helps,
I too have a good relationship with my regular. Our time together has moved from 1 hour of “sex” to 4-5 hours consisting of talking making out, sex, cuddling, going to lunch / dinner then maybe a movie and more sex. She never asks for money and I always leave a “gift” which is about the same as I left when I was seeing her just for the hour. She’s Thai living here in the states. I’m married and really enjoy my time with her. I don’t want to lead her into thinking i’m going to “save” her from “the life” because I can’t. I believe she enjoys our time together as well as she sees me on her off days How can I continue this relationship without disappointing her? Is she continuing to see me because she thinks I’m going to “save” her, or does she genuinely like me? (It may not matter, but she is by no means “out of my league” appearance wise. She is beautiful, and we look like we could be dating…Not like some old fat guy with a young hot girl!)
How can I continue this relationship without disappointing her?
If she is not charging you for the extra hours, then it’s likely she enjoys your company. In that case, I feel worried more for the girl, because she seems incredibly naive. If I knew her, I would tell her she is wasting her time and is very foolish to be getting personal with a married man.
The whole scenario of your relationship with her is problematic because you are married. You need to communicate to her that you cannot offer her ANYTHING, and she needs to realize that you are MARRIED (ie: another human will be harmed from this affair).
(It may not matter, but she is by no means “out of my league” appearance wise. She is beautiful, and we look like we could be dating…Not like some old fat guy with a young hot girl!)
Are you that insecure that you need to reassure strangers that you and her are both decent looking? Other than being shallow and insecure, I have no idea why you felt that was necessary to tell. But okay.
My name is Larry. You’ve covered … a lot of territory here. I admit – being totally “floored” by your openness and transparency … The issues discussed are repressed in so many societies. Speaking for American society?… Say one thing, but do another. In other words, “hypocrisy”. The exact opposite of openness and transparency.
But I think you’re right – … openness and transparency are the antidote. Maybe not “the complete” antidote, but a step in the right direction
Thank you for reading and commenting 🙂
Best now for me,… to quietly “listen”…
It’s not an easy topic to tackle.
Sincere wishes to you, Sahar 😊
Sahar?… I’ve been thinking about all you’ve talked about in your diary. Trying to be relevant and intelligent, and constructive as well.
In your diary, you talked about about the many dimensions of love and what it means to you?… I’ve puzzled sometimes what love means to me.
There’s only one word in the English language for “love”… What is it?… And what is it not??… You maybe already know – the ancient Greeks had at least “six” different words for love … …
Much, much more specific than plain old “English “ … Maybe just do a quick google like ”Greek words for love” … I don’t know? 😉 Maybe this would help you (and others?) when talking and thinking about “love” … It helped me to understand better …. …
Hope you are doing well. I’d love to know your opinion about the honest courtesan (maggie mcneill). If you do not wish to share it here, please send me a message on my blog so I can give you my email.
Salam my dear,
I will reply to you later this week isA
Well, how much importance sex have in Love? I am a married guy, recently seeing a girl. She is in complete love with me but I dont know whether I love her or not but like to have sex with her. She too enjoying it a lot and sometimes forced me to have it with her. Is it right or wrong?
My name is Grace, and I am just a high school student (17) writing a research paper for my AP Seminar class and have a few questions that I would love for you to answer. The first is: how large of a role do you think the media plays in the portrayal of prostitution in society? And, follow-up, how do you think that has impacted the way women are treated in the sex industry? Also, how do you feel about the topic of legalizing prostitution in America? Do you think regulation of the industry would be a positive thing for women? Or do you think it would be harmful to society? I noticed in one of your blog entries that you made the point that our materialistic society gives way to an emptiness that people try to fill with either sex or drugs or food, etc. Do you think that the legalization of prostitution would further exacerbate this trend? Or do you think that, regardless of if it is legal or not, men are still going to pay for sex so we might as well legalize it? I have very much enjoyed reading this blog and I have learned quite a lot, so thank you for that and please feel free to answer these questions as honestly as possible, I appreciate it, thanks
Please allow this to be posted for others to learn from.
Being a pathological narcissist has been a lonely experience with few unaffectedly close relationships. It still is a huge problem for me to discuss inner struggles and insecurities with people. However, there was a need to build awareness and develop my thoughts and feelings. All while seriously eliciting the guidance of a qualified therapist to work with, as well as the appropriate support groups facilitated by an experienced mental health professional. These steps have given me honesty and courage which in turn have led to ups and downs, but it has ultimately provided me with a new outlook on life. It has been a journey of self-discovery. My guilt for the trauma and destruction I have caused has withered away my soul.
Looking at things retrospectively I met a gentle and loving person. She gave me love and filled my emptiness with light. I was never able to reciprocate the love I received even though now looking back I did want to. Losing everything required me to finally realize it was I who was doing the constant use and abuse cycle. I understand what it has done to her, asking yourself whether your lover really loves you or are they just trying to appear that way is traumatizing.
Perhaps the single most important thing I have kept in mind now is how unaware I was of where the self ends and where another human begins. The things you were asking from me caused me a moral conflict because I was breaking promises while deep down knowing the hurt she was feeling from it. Building trust with you is where I failed. I did not use integrity and honor rather I belittled, manipulated, and disappointed. From a genuine perspective I thoughtlessly discarded the one person who cared for me.
For the past nine months my self-awareness has been increasing. Moreover, there has been an accompanying sense of regret and remorse for the damage that I have caused. Having to cope and deal with my wrong-doing has been extremely difficult and life changing. Now after understanding this it has become clear that your return to humanity must have been even greater than mine. Your personal and emotional well-being has suffered and becoming comfortable in your own skin again has been a gradual process. Please know that as you continue to disassociate with me you will progressively heal and achieve lasting health.
No this is not a way to suck her back into a web of lies. This is not a way to move back into attack mode and blame her for my faults and project my disorder onto her. I know that she looks back on the time we shared with grief. However, she has survived, and she will earn her reward for this trial in akhirah. I now understand why I was so dangerous and that is because I would solely focus on getting my own needs met and withdrawing if it wasn’t done. Ultimately, I now realize the fulfillment that comes with the honoring of a beloved partner. Sadly, I know its over.
Narcissism is wholly destructive. In it’s entirety it is amorphous which is why it is so destructive. It is more than just a character flaw or illness. My narcissism killed my soul-mate (emotionally not physically), her death was a wake-up call. Please ladies and gentlemen do not let the destruction of your lover be your wake-up call.
Oh Mother, I can feel the soil falling over my head
And as I climb into an empty bed, oh well, enough said
I know it’s over still I cling, I don’t know where else I can go
Oh Mother, I can feel the soil falling over my head
You see the sea wants to take me, the knife wants to slit me
Do you think you can help me?
Sad veiled bride please be happy
Handsome groom give her room
Loud loutish lover treat her kindly though she needs you
More than she loves you
I know it’s over, still I cling
I don’t know where else I can go
I know it’s over
It never really began but in my heart it was so real
And she even spoke to me and said
“If you’re so funny, why are you on your own tonight?”
“And if you’re so clever, why are you on your own tonight?”
“And if you’re so very entertaining, why are you on your own tonight?”
“And if you’re so very good looking, why do you sleep alone tonight?”
I know, because tonight is just like any other night
That’s why you’re on your own tonight
With your triumphs and your charms
While they are in each other’s arms
It’s so easy to laugh, it’s so easy to hate
It takes strength to be gentle and kind
Over, over, it’s over, it’s over
It’s so easy to laugh, it’s so easy to hate
It takes guts to be gentle and kind
Love is natural and real
But not for you my love, not tonight my love
Love is natural and real
But not for such as you and I, my love
Thanks for recognizing I am interested in the thought and care you put into creating this meeting place. It was to that end that I wrote Christopher even if he seems to have decided to be out of dialogue. I was very touched and moved by your essay “Where Do Prostitutes Go for Comfort?” It made me think of Christopher. And really the broader question, where do people go for comfort? Or in his case where do partners (couples) in distressed go for comfort?
I don’t have the answer only he and the people within his conflict community have that answer (we all, are in conflict all the time). It is why I pointed him in the direction of learning that hopefully will be beneficial. How or if he and those he introduces this material too, will use it, is anyone’s guess. He seemed to describe situations requesting the restoration of connection. He seemed to believe there were some things that both he and his wife could do to bring them closer to each other in a more secure relationship. And at the same time ease the pain for Stella and his relationship.
Your essay “Where Do Prostitutes Go for Comfort?” struck me as full of empathy for people searching for comfort and support. It is for this reason I wrote Christopher. I further attempted to offer you and him empathy by explaining how his actions or words may have triggered you and gave examples from your past observations about your relationships. Without a doubt I got some of your meaning wrong. But it was a way of extending care to both you and him. To hear your truths about the hardships and get both of you to see in each other your human beauty.
We are community; the good, the bad and the ugly. The more we can support each other; the more we can steer our lives away from the bad (that which disconnects) and thus increase the likelihood of avoiding the ugly, the better. That’s really all I wanted known.
I’d like to thank both you and Christopher for drawing our attention to how important support, bonds and connection are to community well being. Woodbine
I enjoy reading your articles and blogs. The blog that resonated with me the most was: How to stop Escorting. You’ve done a great job staying authentic and influencing your audiences lives with your blog! I have also been in this industry for several years and have trained myself to leave for good. If I’m barking up the wrong tree, no biggie, but are you open to collaborating?
Thank you for your comment dear. Collaborating in what sense?
I am sex worker living in PS(Palm Springs) and recently contracted an STD from a client. Unfortunately I made a terrible drunken mistake of giving oral to a client without a condom and days later have paid the price dearly.
My point to all of this is that I’m in a rut, I thought I had balance happiness and now the escorting agency I work for will barely book me and I’m recovering now so I can’t work.
But I’m torn whether to go whole hog into investing into a website and Eros to get my own clientele or continue paying to the agency. (I need to save as much as I can to continue with dental school)
Don’t have any friends to talk to about escorting and at school so I feel as though I’ll only be shamed by classmates and made to feel even more like a whore.
It really sucks.
But your blog has been a real help to me and i would greatly appreciate it if you could give me some advice.
Hi. I am not anybody important or with any special skills besides the fact that I do understand people. I am not even a native English speaker. Just a normal middle age romantic full I guess. I found this blog accidentally and it seems that my life history fits write here. Even though I look younger due to some reason I don’t really understand till today I could describe myself a very experienced person. I am really just that. And your story my dear is familiar to me. I can taste your situation like I am just rewind my life. You see a kiss is more important than sex and blowjob . What you are passing through should not take you down. Maybe it’s not even a mistake. It’s history now. Only you know why that happened. Maybe it was a result of passion maybe it was just a result off foolishness. Just don’t get ungry with your self. Get better by realising that you are not an object. You never was and you never will be. Do your job and remember only this: Kiss it’s more important than sex. You can protect your self from blowing with out condom but you can never escape from the meaning of a kiss. You and only you can choose whether you allow yourself to kiss someone. Blowjob is just a technical way to work. Fix this. But never kiss without meaning. That kills the soul. And there is no heal for that. Years upcoming will teach you this. I do strongly believe that you are a beautiful and wonderful person. I cannot find words to express my respect for sharing your situation. YOU ARE THE BEST. Forget everything and continue with your plans. Correct your self. You know better. Nothing is finished. But please don’t kiss for no reason. Just don’t
Hello there I’m a 34 year old erotic massage therapist who is also a recovering drug addict I do not use and have not used for a long time now that I am on a daily Methadone Program due to the fact I have Lupus and rheumatoid arthritis and therefore have been on pain meds my entire life and it keeps me from being able to use pain medicine and keeps me pain free. I straighten my life out 5 years ago and left my abusive ex-husband and had not been in the erotic massage business since I was around 19 years old but now I do this everyday in my private home. At first it didn’t bother me it over the years I found that I have to drink or prefer to be able to drink a few drinks of liquor before an appointment to be able to not hate it so bad and what’s even worse is that I have an amazing man who loves me and works hard everyday and knows what my business consists of 100% and because I have had such horrible situation throughout my life such as domestic violence multiple rapes as well as a gang rape that consisted of me being connect for 3 days I am having a lot of issues with dealing with the internet part of the relationship that I’ve been in for the last 3 years. he is 10 years younger than me and works 40 plus hours a week is a construction worker and is supportive of my type of work and we are hundred percent honest with one another but due to the fact that I’ve had so much trouble, and I detest the man even looking or at me sexually or touching me because of that and my line of work I feel awful because I don’t want to lay down with him if there’s any way you would talk to me and try to help me I have no one I can be honest with who has any experience with anything like this you can email me at *****@gmail.Com but I would prefer if you could text me at 5**-5**-**** because I do not check my email that often and I’m sure you probably won’t even answer this so I would feel silly continuously checking it
Angela, I just wanted to check with you to see if I heard you the way you wanted to be heard and for others to understand your needs and values.
First I gather you wrote because you had a question about with someone you share a bond with, this being a man 10 years younger, been seeing for three years, and feel open to share hart felt details of each others lives both past and present. You want us to know you are both dedicated to supporting each other emotionally and think of yourselves as being able to be there for the other.
Also as a mater of explaining this new and supportive environment you want us to understand it has not always been that way for you. Somehow you found drugs as a rest sprit from much violence in your life. You mention some sexual violence but I’m guessing that is just the tip of the iceberg, much rough talk, abandonment from people who were likely to be support/attachment figures family/friends. A principal in these unpredictable support relationships was your ex-husband who you left 5 years ago.
In leaving the ex-husband you were able to also find alternative ways of dealing with the pain in your life rather than drugs. You enjoy being able to be present with yourself and others around you and avoid being dope sick from withdrawal through a daily maintenance of methadone (also serves as pain management for lupus). You are sole proprietor entrepreneur running an erotic massage business from your home. I understand you had some experience with this, years ago at age 19. For a while this went well but now you seem to be wanting to disappear by taking a stiff drink before working with a client. And this is troubling or scary to you; as you realize alcohol is just a substitute for opioids and mixed with Methadone can have dangerous even life threatening effects.
I’m hearing you being very proud of the way you have been able to find peace in life. Find a person who is bonding with you and supportive of you and you of him. I’m also guessing you are terrified of loosing him or perhaps resigned that this bright spot in your life will fade because of all that has gone before. As your relationship deepens I’m guessing in some ways it is scary to you even thought it is the best thing that has happened in a long time.
If I hear a request I’m guessing it is, “Why do I feel uncomfortable being sensual with the man I love and depend on the more I love and depend on him?” It’s sort of like being afraid of being afraid when all I want is to give support and safety to the person who affords me safety.
Is that the request you want to make here? And was the way I heard your background information what you wanted known?
Re Christopher’s Thread started, June 1, 2018 at 6:01AM
It has been some time since we last wrote and I was wondering how you are getting on?
Did you ever look up the work of Susan M. Johnson? Of her books I think “Love Sense” is very readable and gives more useful detailed information than “Hold Me Tight”. The ones for therapists are of course written for therapists and a bit cumbersome.
I don’t know anything about Johnson’s latest book “Created for Connection”, which seems to be written with the intent to merge the science of love with the teaching of religious beliefs. Sahar as she is very religious might find this book intriguing as, as you know Abraham plays a prominent role as an example of faith in Islam, Judaism, and Christianity.
I’m guessing from what you have said that you came to this blog hoping folks would hear your pain and with their knowledge help you explore your solutions and have been taken aback by much of the response. Actually I heard some of this a bit differently and not sure if you want to continue dialog or not? Woodbine
I hope this finds you in better shape when you first made yourself known here and that some of your wishes have come to pass. It might be helpful for all here gathered to reflect a bit. How do we as citizens hear and understand the words and actions of another?
In further explaining yourself you said, “I came to this site to perhaps gain some insight and advice. I received that to some extent, but I also I received insults and judgment.” I can only guess why your words sparked insults and judgments but apparently your words and actions did trigger some folks here. There is the possibility that within the insults judgments and your words there is a higher degree of empathy and understanding than meets the eye.
Let us step aside from both the pain you caused or that which was inflicted in return and examine Sahar’s post, “Where Do Prostitutes Go for Comfort?”
It was not a coincidence that I asked you and readers to view and consider the baby Still Face Experiment: Dr. Edward Tronick
I don’t consider Sahar calling you and her actual clients, toddlers as inaccurate. I do understand it was meant to be an insult and a judgment. But I hear the same expression of loneliness, need for support, need for vibrant life in her essay “Where Do Prostitutes Go for Comfort?” as I heard from you.
If one views human connection through the lenses of Attachment Theory one easily understands how vulnerable we are just like the baby. It does not mean that both you and Sahar are not highly functional and competent. It only means you have mammalian brains and have within your bodies innately human neurological systems.
In essences her essay “Where Do Prostitutes Go for Comfort?” is a manifestation of the empathy Sahar is capable of giving both herself and you. Or as I heard Jorma’s empathy for Sahar and you, “My love is an escort. The cruel US pushes Escorts away by making it criminal when in many counties it’s an acceptable Profession. She helps so many lonely men and is a blessing to mankind. Mathew 7:1-3 Judge not, lest you be judged.”
Why did Sahar trigger and lash out also calling you a sociopath and/or a narcissist? I wonder if her reaction would have been different if Sahar had known your wife had first had an affair disrupting another couple’s marriage? It is confusing even to the most securely attached the way we as humans need each other and contently miss each other and therefore harm each other.
I don’t think of you as either a sociopath or narcissist but instead as someone who wants, love, connection and to be alive with those close to you. That is the same kind of self centeredness I heard in Sahar’ essay “Where Do Prostitutes Go for Comfort?” She and her siblings were abandoned by their father through infidelity and she has had several close relationships which were impossible (The Sheik) or became so uncertain they ended. For Sahar I’m guessing your situation with Stella and your wife was a stimulus but not the cause of her lashing out.
I guess the way I heard you and perhaps why I wondered if you were real was you asked for advice. Your request seemed very broad for Sahar to pour her out thoughts and feelings on things that were emotionally salient. I find her seven years of essays on this and other subjects to be the wealth of information. I hear Sahar’s outburst as an invitation to read them and if then you feel like engaging her on specific point do it with prior knowledge of having read her truth.
It seems Stella’s quest for your companionship answered Sahar’s essay question “Where Do Prostitutes Go for Comfort?”, you. She bought your Comfort just as clearly as you bought her Comfort. And that to move from Comfort to a secure bonded relationship was unlikely. Somewhere here Sahar writes of similar passion for the Sheik who will return to Saudi. So if you read Sahar I’m guessing while here words were designed to inflict pain not so empathically meaning the same thing as Stella or when Jorma says, “Take Stella’s advice she is being honest. [!!!]You’ve had a good relationship[!!!] but she’s extremely wise in having you go back to your wife.”
It is possible neither you nor your, wife or Stella, intended to hurt either yourselves, each other or anybody else with your breaks in trust but the reality is different. What I have tried to do for you is get you to look at the works of other people who have studied human relationships so that you and those you love can work scientifically to improve your bonds. Woodbine
Thank you for commenting Woodbine.
Although I do not agree with all that you write, I do appreciate your efforts of looking deep into issues raised on my blog. Also, the details that you understand about my life and your take on my writings are slightly off — but anyway, it is not important to correct that.
I see, from the video you shared, that you are taking the approach to human relations from a good book called, “Non Violent Communication.” I have read this book before, and it has good insight/techniques into resolving conflicts between individuals. But the book is not a universal solution to very complex problems between human relationships. Conflict resolution can only work between two people whom have the ability/potential of introspection. Not all people have this.
Both you and I know that human behavioural issues stem from one’s past/childhood. It is therefore important to evaluate one’s background when accessing why they behave the way they do. However, one’s past/childhood traumas does not excuse them from how they later treat others. Sure, mistakes can be made — perhaps the case of the commenter Christopher (I referred to him as an adult toddler, because it seems he hasn’t yet grasped the realization of empathy, but he has potential if he isn’t actually a sociopath). A person with empathy would look within themselves (introspection), feel remorse and actively want to change. However, one must not forget that some people are NOT capable of introspection or empathy. There are people with evil within whom enjoy harming others — they are clinically defined under the various types of anti-social personality disorders (on a spectrum, of course). A person clinically known as a narcissistic/sociopath cannot change.
A person has every right to feel angry and dismiss someone who intentionally harms the well-being of another (there is a major difference between making a mistake vs causing intentional harm directly/indirectly). Nevertheless, you are right that it is important to understand the origins of these pathologies (knowledge is power).
I suggest learning about anti-social personality disorders (which occur, of course, on a spectrum). The psychologist Abdul Saad in the videos below gives great insight:
Hello. I saw my first provider early this month. I was very lucky to have found her. She is extremely hygienic, smart (working on PhD), and by her own admission, really loves sex. I was extremely nervous since this was my first time. I looked at ads for months before I took this plunge. I’ve been married for 28 years, still very much in love, but sadly no sex. The lady I have met probably will only be doing this for another year. I really hope she likes me and would appreciate any advice to make that happen. I do, thankfully, have the qualities you describe in an ideal client. I really, really love and respect women. In our first session, I plan to see her once or twice a month, she mentioned she may keep a few clients to see after she leaves the business. I would love to be one of those clients! I don’t plan to see any one else as long as I can see her, which is a plus for my health and safety. I do love performing oral, not really the “pussy lover” type you describe, although I must admit I do, but I so much enjoy pleasing a woman. I miss it with my wife. My provider doesn’t normally allow oral or kissing but allowed me because we had talked so much by phone before the date and, thankfully, she was impressed with my hygiene. Anyway, these being the type activities that I enjoy, seeing one provider makes allot of sense. If you can give me any advice, I would really appreciate it. I would like to know what I can do to be one of the guys she wants to keep seeing. We got off to a great start, but I would love to hear from an experienced, smart woman such as yourself. Thanks for all you have written and for all of us you have helped. Never let anyone disrespect who you are or what you do. You are a woman, a woman who has helped many. In my opinion, nothing deserves more respect than that!! Thank you so much and I hope to hear from you soon!
I’m starting with an agency next week and I’m wondering what to expect and what advice you would give to a first timer. I’ve been reading over your experiences and some specific questions I have are:
-What will my relationship with my madame look like? How pushy can I be in terms of my demands?
-How common is it to have clients bring you to events and gatherings, like work functions or company dinners?
-I’m worried about being assaulted. Is there anything you can say to quell that fear? Or should I be fearful?
-What do you do about clients who outstay their welcome?
-Are you paid in cash? Check? Venmo?
-What do you do on your taxes?
-How do you get health care?
-Are you honest with your friends and family about your career? Do you have a cover?
Thanks for reading
Thanks for commenting and seeking advice. I am sorry you have to resort to this line of work. Are there any alternatives? In any case, I wish you a safety and care. Please have an alternative plan to not remain in the sex industry. Anyway, I will answer your questions:
-What will my relationship with my madame look like? How pushy can I be in terms of my demands?
You must be CAREFUL. Do not trust your madam or anyone involved as a third party (including other escorts). Everyone in this industry is in it for themselves and themselves alone — remember that. No matter how sweet they will act to your face, no madame/agent really cares about your well-being at the end of the day — the madame is concerned with money she can make off of YOU (and often won’t care at what cost). I say this from experience, as I have worked for various establishments run by female owners (madames) for years before I became independent. There was only one madame I knew that protected her girls over money — that doesn’t exist anymore, as most choose money over the escorts dignity.
-How common is it to have clients bring you to events and gatherings, like work functions or company dinners?
That depends on you and your comfort level. You have a choice in whether you want to be social or not. I, personally, decline to go out with clients due to my extreme concern for privacy — unless in exceptional cases. For many escorts, going out with clients in a sugar-daddy type scenario is a LOT work in terms of emotional labor. Personally, I only work on my terms, not anyone elses (but that only works as an independent). Everyone has their own comfort level, so it depends on you.
-I’m worried about being assaulted. Is there anything you can say to quell that fear? Or should I be fearful?
ALWAYS have your guard up – don’t let it down. There will always be risks involved in the sex industry, especially when you are new. New girls are prey for predator-type clients (see my “Types of Clients – The Client who Always Seeks New Girls”Here). You can minimize the risks by screening clients beforehand, but since you are working for an agency you need to be sure the agency is screening for you. The sad reality is agencies, as mentioned, do not really care about clients they are sending you too — they only care about the money to be made. Do not proceed in any scenario where you don’t feel safe. If anyone violates your comfort, leave immediately. I cannot say the risks you face because I do not know what city you are in, what type of clients your agency is attracting— risks also depends on those factors too.
I have never work for an agency that does outcalls exclusively, so if that’s your case, then ONLY go to 5+ star hotels. Do not go to private homes or accommodations.
Also, Be careful of wealthy clients who take drugs — there are a lot of them in big cities and they pay a lot of money. Your madame may try to push these ‘party’ clients on you because they make them a lot of money. Tell your madame you refuse to see anyone who takes drugs or is intoxicated.
-What do you do about clients who outstay their welcome?
Don’t tolerate it. Be firm in a sweet way that you have to wrap up the appointment.
-Are you paid in cash? Check? Venmo?
I cannot answer, because every agency is different. I would assume only cash or credit is common. Don’t accept cheques.
-What do you do on your taxes?
Some girls get a business license as a cleaner or entertainer and claim their cash as income this way. It sounds like a good way to legitimize one’s money and pay taxes as an independent contractor.
-How do you get health care?
In my country, health care is free. I am assuming you are in the USA, so I am not sure how to answer that. I have seen that many Western countries offer free health services to sex workers — so try to google local services available to sex workers in your city.
-Are you honest with your friends and family about your career? Do you have a cover?
No. My family and friends do not know about my life. It is not easy cover it up, and can cause anxiety trying to make excuses. It is best to get out this work. If that is not an option, then it is best to have a normal job on the side to maintain normalcy and as a cover. Telling people about your secret life as sex worker is not recommended because people will judge you (even the ones who claim to not judge) — and remember, keeping everything a secret will cause emotional unease (hence why I hope you don’t do this work).
Hope my answers helped. Please make a plan to get out this work and into something more wholesome.
Hi, I’m interested in becoming a “high end” prostitute or Escort/Call girl. I have never been in the business but if I am going to do this I want to do it in the classiest way possible and also make the most money possible , I’d like to have clients where money is easy to give away (to me) lol …. So basically I’m asking how do I find a place or a person to work as a High end Escort ? Who do I call? Where do I look? And how do I go about it safely?
Prostitution will harm you. All of the false glamour that some media and people are advertising is a BIG LIE. Please read my blog more thoroughly to understand why I would never advocate this life. Please also understand that my experience in sex work is extremely unique, and even then it still caused a lot of harm.
Also, starting out in sex work as a newbie is filled with exploitation nowadays. New girls are ALWAYS prey for predators (predatory clients, PIMPS, exploitative agencies). There are vultures waiting to pimp you, exploit you, get you on drugs, and make you do very uncomfortable things. People only want to exploit you like an object — nobody will care about your well-being. Even society rejects you, so whom will you go to when you are hurting or harmed? You will be isolated, which is why nearly ALL high-end sex workers use drugs/intoxicants (behind the scenes).
The vast majority of HIGH-END sex workers cope with their lives by taking drugs and drinking. In case you have seen high-end escorts who “show off” with ‘lavish’ lifestyles, I advise you to not fall for the deception. The girls who boast are extremely hurt and insecure more so than others, so they cope by showing off to outsiders that they ‘living it up’, while inside they are destroyed from exploitation. After some years, many high-end escorts’ drug and alcohol use becomes progressively worse, and many end up being addicts. All of the beauty and ‘glamour’ is short lived. All the glamour you see is literally a show put on display (outsiders do not see behind the glamour, and more over outsiders do not see how most high-end sex workers turn from beauty-queens to zombies in a very short span).
I advise you to please not join the sex industry. I hope you understand. Do you have an alternative plan? Let me know if you need help with coming up with a wholesome path
Dear Gypsy, Sahar has obviously wiser things to say than me, since she has more experience and thinks critically.
But maybe my comment is of any use..?
I don’t know where you live or reside, but where I live it’s (too) easy to find escort agencies. As Sahar says, there is a lof of exploitation in the sex industry nowadays. It strikes me what people are willing to do nowadays for money.
It’s a really good advice Sahar gives you. Find another alternative plan. Something that provides a sustainable income.
Even more important: Find an activity/job that suits you and that is somewhat compatible with your talents. Otherwise it’s easy to feel tempted to go back to the sex industry. If your job is just a paycheck, the lure for a bigger paycheck is always there….Many people are living their lives completely uninterested, depressed, untouched, desperate to find some exuberance in life. They are totally at war within themselves.
In a way, they are selling themselves, in a different way though.
That’s my own experience though.
Take care and hopefully you’ll find a joyful and sustainable alternative path.
Great points dear xx
This is a Reply to
Christopher June 18, 2018 at 6:59 am
Because the Reply tabs don’t allow for complexity this thread is getting long and convoluted it began
Christopher June 1, 2018 at 6:01 am
“I am 33 years old and I am ….”
Nice to hear back from you. It is unusual to hear people speak with such emotional understanding as you do. So it is not the absence of authenticity but the preseance that got me to scratch my head and wonder if I should engage. Perhaps you were a grad student needing data on prostitution and knew what to write to elicit it.
Sorry for the convolutedness of my comments, I did get a bit side tract on the punitive vs. restorative because of the way I saw this group discussion going. If one looks at the world through a dualistic lens it is very easy to condemn you for the fling with Stella. You and some here have. On the other hand if people are curious as to good reasons people do bad things they can achieve an understanding that will make it less likely those things will happen in the future. By choosing a restorative process over a punitive one, it makes more likely the complexity people’s interlocking actions can be known and understood.
As we chat here in cyber space I hear you clarifying in your mind, your truth, how you want to be heard and known as it relates to the events. The real conversation is really not here in cyber space it is with you and those you are actually connected to. In actuality peoples actions will judged most harshly by those they are closest to because connection is of the utmost important to one’s safety and well being. So it was important to point out that in going trough the process reconciliation there is a decisive choice between the punitive and restorative paths. Sahar has done you a great service in reminding us what the swift sword of the psychologist’s punitive system feels like.
That’s why I gave you the questions to be able to establish a frame work for deciding how going forward to implement a restorative pathway vs. a punitive one. How do you make peace with the harm that we as humans all cause each other? You are not alone in the group of five of being harmful. Actually the conflict community radiates out and includes many other folks who did something. Every one in that larger group said or did something that contributed to the disconnection.
The invitation to explore neurobiology of human connection is to invite you to understand how vulnerable we all are. And the closer, the more dependent, the more bonded the greater the dangers of failure become. It sounds like this is where you are with your wife, let’s call her, Elisabeth. I’m guessing your thinking, “How do I say the things I want to say without risking loosing her?” Likely she’s saying the same thing. Couples can reinforce this stuff many times a day. It is not weakness or moral failing it’s because the way our brains work. Understanding how attachment works goes a long way to know how to maintain strong connections and have the emotional strength to go forward and serve the greater community without jeopardizing the love bond.
I’m hearing you are tormented by both your feelings for Stella and hers for you. It’s a guess but it looks like you were both in need of support etc. and had found a convenient way to get it. There was a real basis for this connection however neither you nor she wanted the responsibilities. I’m guessing that is why you feel guilty and same reason Elisabeth gave up her opportunity to get out to her marriage with you. I don’t know. That’s the way hearing you now. The only people who know are the five of you.
If you read Susan M. Johnson what is striking is the resilience of love and seeing how partners can be incredibly understanding and supportive. I’m hearing you want to improve your relationship with Elisabeth and your asking how for both of you can be restorative in strengthening your bonds. Is it perplexing how you could feel for Stella and have her return that affection? Additionally you don’t want to see any one you care for in pain or in other words the way you felt with Elisabeth’s affair and the effects on community.
Relationships are not contracts they are bonds. We know how bonds feel and look from birth. That was the point of Ed Tronick’s experiment. In essence we are all just as dependent on love and bonds as that baby. Adults are more sophisticated. But neurobiology we all go into the same internal panic when our mates are not there when we reach for them. It’s really hit or miss. And if there are too many misses we often act in ways which often don’t socially make sense but do when viewed thought the Attachment lens.
If one views couples adverse actions through a punitive lenses the probability of repair is less likely. Many old school marriage counselors take a dualistic approach as defining one partner who is wrong. Now it’s your turn not Elisabeth’s. They also teach ways to block emotion with rules, elevate forgiveness and accentuate putting raw emotions behind, while never giving people ability to understand their neurobiology. If you notice the punitive approaches here did not give you insight into the language of understanding or repairing connection. The way I’m hearing your last post is there are likely Attachment Injuries which were not talked about still are raw for both of you. I’m attempting to give you resourses to understand justice systems, your brain, as well as Elisabeth’s and the others’ too.
Because there is not punitive intent in connection and repair – please look again at the restorative nature of baby still face and now the adult example.
I hear you asking many emotionally astute questions. We are all learning this together, thanks for helping us understand. Let us hear back from you, be well and do good.
In the article named sorry to the wives you write that majority of the men don’t know how to satisfy a women’s sexual needs and if anyone wants to give you pleasure then you teach them correctly about the right technique.
I request you to inform me about that correct technique used to give the women an ultimate intense pleasure as this is very important in marriage too otherwise the partners will cheat to get the pleasure needed.
You also give the example of Jason who is excellent at giving pleasure that leads to orgasm.
Kindly inform me about the secret of giving women an unforgettable ultimate pleasure that lead to multiple orgasms.
Unfortunately, there is no simple answer for your question. There is no secret. Pleasure will and always will be subjective. Therefore, there would be no point for me to give instructions on what works for me — that’s because there will be different levels of chemistry with each man, and moreover, what works for me will not necessarily work for other women.
One should understand that all women are different. There is no one way to please a woman, because we all have different perspectives on what is pleasurable.
If a woman is open to pleasure, then there must be chemistry between the two participants. Chemistry is something that cannot be taught nor learnt — it’s a metaphysical phenomenon that humans have no control over.
In any case, between husband and wife — communication and trust is key. Respect her comfort, explore her, try new things, and most importantly, be selfless (because the standard of sex, sadly, is very one sided).
Re Christopher’s Thread started, June 1, 2018 at 6:01AM
Replying to Eescortdiary June 8, 2018 at 10:13 pm
We have not way of knowing if Christopher is person with real pain real or a troll. If he is real should we not take seriously his requests to better understand the conflicts of now four people? How can we gather around to explore their pain?
I read your communication with great interest because it suggests to me that what I wrote has been judged in a way that I might not have intended to be understood. It would be helpful if you would tell me what you heard me say. Being in dialogue might be a way to cooperatively explore supporting the conflict of Christopher plus three.
The idea of writing a post as a rebuttal to what may simply be a misunderstanding seems to lead us away from dialogue and mutual understanding of Christopher and three other people. The way I’m hearing you, is a desire to set up what you understood me to say as an apposing argument to something you want known. True it is a generally accepted way to fight things out is to appose; as night apposes day. If we frame conflict as two apposing forces the human world may seem to be defined by such dichotomy. It can be either this way or that way; black vs. white; right vs. wrong, cold or hot; male or female; night or day.
By choosing to approach conflict in the context of dualistic conquest we set a system of hierarchy and judgment. Classic rhetoric lends it’s self to a dualistic view, – night vs. day. It incorporates various techniques that lead people away from establishing mutual understanding as a basis for acting for mutual benefit. True heavy weaponry often wins the day however at great costs to community. But that proves the point that the duality of heavy vs. light weaponry is a system of hierarchy just as good vs. bad is. There is never guarantee that heavy weaponry (power- hierarchy) is sided with good.
Above is the basis for punitive justice or as some folks calls it a proportional vengeance system of justice. It permeates every religion and culture. Conversely every religion and culture also embraces judicial systems of restoration for the good of all. Always present in religion and culture is the question of “how do we do to others as we would have them do to us?” All religions and cultures have systems for answering this question without resorting to the one based on duality, vengeance and violence.
As I understand the tread Christopher began: it is a request to help him, and the others in pain. Let’s give them names, not “professional titles” to allow them be humans not stereotypes, Elisabeth, the cheating wife; Benjamin, the cheating husband and source of Elisabeth’s affair; and “Stella” the prostitute. For you and me to get into a rhetorical debate about subjects not directly related to the painful dilemmas these people face turns our response to them away from supporting their hurtful conflicts. Can we not lend them the benefit of hearing and understanding them to gather around their pain to help them find a way forward? Support them to live side by side if for no other reason so their pain does not disrupt the well being of the various conflict communities their harm permeates? How can we hear them and hear our reactions to them as community? Can we demonstrate to them how to listen to each other? And then as community help mold a community which is bound together by trust and connection not duality.
Rather than let any misunderstanding between us fuel dueling essays and arguments, would you be willing to let me know what you heard me say that sparked the two arguments you put forth.
Woodbine, this is the way I heard or understood your meaning …
If four folks in conflict are real it might be helpful to Christopher as he in is silence may have heard me other than the way I intended too.
I just came across your blog and it was very refreshing to read such honest posts.
I am a Masters student in London and I am currently doing research on women who work as escorts, strippers and sex workers and their experience with romantic relationships and how this has affected their emotional well being . I would like permission to use some of your work please.
Let me know if you would be okay with this or let me know if you would like to discuss this further.
Thank you 🙂
Sure. Kindly cite my works. Please email for any clarifications or questions: escortdiaryblog (at) gmail.com
I am 33 years old and I am married. I have been with my wife for over ten years, and for the most part, I have always been happy and fulfilled with her. Nonetheless, I started visiting escorts about five years ago. I am not sure if it was because I was subconsciously unsatisfied with the sexual aspect of my marriage, or if it was because I simply wanted sexual variety in my life. I like to think it is the latter…but it probably isn’t.
Anyway, I had one girl whom I visited exclusively for two years. She ended up retiring, and after that, I found myself in a seemingly endless search to find a new, regular companion. After a year of searching, I finally found “Stella”. She was lovely, beautiful, elegant, and just a pleasure to spend time with. I was completely blown away by my first visit with her and I went back a second time within a week. During my third visit, she asked me if I was married. I was honest and told her yes. Later that day, after I had left, she texted me and told me that she found me to be “of very high quality” and that she really appreciated having me as a client. From then on, we began texting regularly, and seeing each other about once a week. This went on for several months. Over time, she kept giving me more and more time, and requiring less and less donation. I also gave her some very nice and thoughtful gifts. That culminated with me staying with her overnight, having only paid roughly half of what she required for an hour of her time. We talked extensively about many things, and we got to know each other well, including each other’s real names. It all felt very warm and surreal–like a fantasy, except for the growing awareness in my mind and heart that I was starting to develop feelings for her. Yes, seeing escorts and being unfaithful to my wondering and beautiful wife was bad enough, and it had weighed on my mind for years, but before Stella, I had always protected myself emotionally in regards to escorts. I failed to do so with Stella, and it caused serious feeling of guilt. The day I stayed over night with her, she talked to me about her dreams of finding an ideal husband. She mentioned that she would love to have someone like me, but that I was taken already. We both agreed that it would have been nice to meet in another life, under different circumstances.
After that visit, she became distant. She was not texting me on her own accord as she usually did, and her replies to my messages became sparse and short. I found it somewhat upsetting, but I didn’t say anything…I just booked another appointment. When I arrived, she was very standoffish and she said “we are seeing each other too much…this is crazy.” I felt my stomach drop when she said that. It hurt, but I knew she was right. I apologized, and I asked her if she wanted me to leave and she said “No it’s ok. Just relax.”
After our session, she said I looked upset. I was. I was honest with her and told her that I had developed feelings for her, and that is was painful because our relationship could never be anything more than what it was…I was her client. I was married. I also expressed to her that I felt guilty about my infidelity to my wife. We both ended up teary-eyed, and she told me “I will be traveling for the next three months. Until I am back, just forget about me. Until then, I am nothing to you. I am nothing to you.” I found those words to be painful, because I did not feel they were true. Yes, I was paying her for her time, but the connection I felt to her was beyond that. I left after an hour (the first time since our second meeting that I was only there for an hour, but I never paid for more than hour) feeling extremely upset and angry at myself for letting down my guard and letting myself develop feelings for her. I texted her the next morning and apologized for the situation. She replied and told me she understood how I felt and that she was also feeling hurt. That exchange ended with her saying she would be back in town in a few months.
Over the next couple weeks, I texted her twice and there was no reply. I waited a few days and texted again asking if she was upset. She replied and said “I am not upset, dear. I just think it’s not a good idea for us to continue seeing each other. It is just for the better that way. You are a good, and sweet man, a true gentleman, and I appreciate you very much. But, you already have such a good life. There is no reason for you to see me or any other escort. It is unhealthy for you, and it is risky. Focus on your career and be good to your wife. Those things are what should be important to you, not me. I am grateful we met. I wish you good luck and a happy life. I will not reply again. Please understand. Goodbye, dear.”
So, it has been a week since our last exchange, and I am an emotional wreck. The idea of never seeing “Stella” again is painful and disappointing, However, I am especially upset because I allowed my infidelity to my wife to go far beyond what I ever intended. Sex is one thing (and I am well aware that it is not morally acceptable to sleep with other women), but getting myself into a position where I feel heartbroken by a woman who is not my wife has left me feeling like a terrible person. It has had serious consequences on my feeling of self-worth and my sense of integrity. The result is a horrible cocktail of burning heartache and guilt.
I am trying to figure out how to cope with this and move to on from all aspects of the situation Any advice would be appreciated. I would also appreciate any insight regarding Stella’s role in and behavior during this entire episode.. Thanks.
Take Stella’s advice she is being honest. You’ve had a good relationship but she’s extremely wise in having you go back to your wife.
Jorma, thank you for your reply. I agree with you, Stella is a very wise woman and I think her response to me shows that she has a lot of moral integrity. I respect her immensely. Of course, I never would have left my wife to be with her. However, part of me regrets being so open with her about my feelings. I wonder if I should have just kept it to myself so we could maintain our business relationship. But, I realize the relationship crossed some boundaries on both ends, and that is not healthy for either of us. Nonetheless, I am saddened by the prospect of never seeing or talking to her again.
Sorry, don’t have much sympathy for men who cheat anymore. The truth is that “nice married guys” like you are simply adult toddlers, sociopaths, narcissists (or all combined). I feel deeply sorry for your wife. I feel deeply sad that you selfishly followed your desires knowing that it can destroy another human being you claim to ‘love’ (your wife).
I really hope your case is that you are simply an adult child who can learn from the mistake of potentially destroying the well-being of another human. It will destroy you in the end, mark my words.
As for the escort — I have been in her position also. She might have enjoyed you as a client, but given you are married she is not foolish enough to take you seriously. You were simply a ‘nice’ client, and then she woke up to the realization that you are a cheating fraud. I am sure she doesn’t think very highly of you. Your feelings to her are hardly genuine either, because, despite what you think, you barely know her. You only see her in snippets, while she is at her best — it is an escape/fantasy world for you. But above all, you do not see the ‘real’ her.
I wish the best for your wife. You will become mature once you realize the wisdom of discipline — chasing your whims and desires will only hurt you and hurt others.
Thank you for your honest response. I was not really expecting sympathy, just insight, which you provided. It definitely did not feel good to read it, but I appreciate it. Yes, you are right. Cheating is beyond wrong and it has eaten away at me for some time. This situation that I described here has brought that to a new level. Of course, I cannot erase the mistakes I have made in the past, but I can change my ways. I do not intend to continue seeing escorts after this. Perhaps that will be easier said than done, but an intention and an effort to change is a start.
Damn straight reply from @Escort Diary, although I was considering giving a similar advice in nutshell but in soft verbatim. Look! what if your wife was sleeping with another man (or men) using a similar logic? Would you allow her or give her the allowance? If YES then may be your case can be seen with sympathy………but if your answer is NO then you are being selfish.
Sleeping around with women and paying them is a dangerous proposition even if you were unmarried. The best course of action is to forget and move forward. Time is best healer. in couple of months you will forget. That’s my honest advice.
P.S. We would also like if you answer the above question in YES or NO.
Thank you. I agree that time is the best healer. I would like to reiterate that I am not looking for sympathy. I am well aware that infidelity is morally wrong. People who knowingly commit acts that are potentially harmful to others should not expect sympathy, nor do they deserve it. Any pain they feel as a result of their actions is simply karma or whatever else you may call it.
To answer your question. I know what it feels like to be a victim of infidelity. My wife had an affair with a married who had children, and who was much older than her. I read a long text exchange between them, and he was telling her he wanted to leave his wife for her. She was not receptive to that idea, but there was definitely a sexual relationship and emotional involvement. After I confronted her, she admitted to everything and we separated for a year. It was during that year of separation, when I was certain my marriage was over, that I first hired an escort. I was a young man in my 20s, and I desired sexual gratification, but I did not have the will, desire, or emotional energy to seek out another relationship. I saw escorts as the least complicated alternative. Crossing the line of paying for sex has come back to bit me in later years.
Do not take this the wrong way–I am not using my wife’s affair as a justification for my behavior, I am just giving you context. We eventually worked through it and I forgave her. When we got back together and I did not use escorts again for two years or so. Then, I let desire overtake me and I lost my discipline. This was the ramification of hiring an escort in the fist place. The ease and convenience of paying for sex is dangerous, and I should have never crossed that line in the first place.
Did it feel good to learn that my wife was having an affair? Of course not. It broke my heart. The emotional attachment she had to that other man is what hurt the most. I have asked myself how I would feel if she were to have empty sex with another man for simple purposes of physical pleasure. To be honest, I don’t think it would bother me that much if we were open about it, and proper protection were used. Of course, that is not the same as my behavior, because I obviously am not open about having used escorts. I do not deserve sympathy either way.
To Christopher and all who read about him,
Let us take a step back and consider if Christopher is, “More to Be Pitied Than Scorned” or neither. Truly he has gotten himself in a situation where some people would scorn him and others may pity him. The reality and unfortunate truth is both women and men find themselves in this situation. Why?
Sex workers get the blame for being immoral seductors while wayward spouses are judged to be “loose” uncontrolled psychologically unfit human cheaters. Affairs and this (paid sex aside) has all the trappings of an affair tend to begin very innocuously according to the definitive research of Shirley Glass.
Glass says affairs begin with a secret, an innocuous secret. It’s a chance innocuous comment perhaps at work, at the grocery store, to a friend. This chance comment, “The kids drove me nuts last weekend and ….” Suddenly there is an opening in the Sound Relationship House (see John and Julie Gottman) and an outside alternate to the support relationship becomes available.
Within culture, religion and therapy there is little tolerance for infidelity of any sort add to that any non standard gender or sexual preference i.e. pity and scorn. Multiple partners are greatly shunned. We see this in Sahar’s advice in “Healing from Abuse” to Aphrodite on choosing a counselor understanding of prostitution. There is a distinct bias against women and men who have multiple sex partners the fact notwithstanding men traditionally are granted much greater latitude. Sex is likely the most inconsequential part of affairs. Sex workers who argue they can be married and still work see it so, as well as those in polyamorous relationships, etc. Sex seems to be a very late signal that an affair has been an affair. While sexual wondering maybe a signal of insecure attachment. Understanding our biology and the science of love and connection can help prevent and restore relationship disconnection and hart break.
Let us not pity or scorn those like the prostitute, the spouse, and Christopher.
Couples have no idea the emotional impact simple things have on each other. In her ground breaking research on infidelity Shirley Glass studied couples that keep their relationships’ affair proof and those that don’t. While her life and work was cut tragically short by breast cancer, I would recommend to those interested in Christopher’s situation – her legacy.
Shirley P. Glass 1936 – 2003
Thank you for sharing.
I understand your perspective of not wanting to scorn nor pity anyone — I used to subscribe to that attitude of trying to understand clients who cheat rather than scorn them.
But no more. Harming oneself is not the same as causing harm to others. The essence of character is in how one treats OTHERS.
Also, the prostitute and client are NOT on an equal playing field AT ALL. I can elaborate further later perhaps.
My love is an escort.
The cruel US pushes Escorts away by making it criminal when in many counties it’s an acceptable Profession. She helps so many lonely men and is a blessing to mankind. Mathew 7:1-3 Judge not, lest you be judged.
Thank you for your response. I will look into the resources you provided.
I very much agree that the root cause of infidelity is complex, both socially and biologically. It is possible that there is a discrepancy between our biology and our social mores. This may be especially relevant to men, who are biologically programmed to reproduce a much as possible in order to secure the longevity of their genetic line. I do not think the source of infidelity can be so cleanly dismissed as immaturity, narcissism, or sociopathy. Yes, those things may be involved, but it to be very reductive to say those are the only things involved. I myself do not even fully understand the source of my own infidelity. Yes, desire, and lack of discipline are certainly involved, but I am not a sociopath or a narcissist. As for the “adult toddler” thing, yes failing to have self-discipline is a type of immaturity, but I am an otherwise successful and functional person. Moreover, I am not in denial of the moral implications of my behavior.
I came to this site to perhaps gain some insight and advice. I received that to some extent, but I also I received insults and judgment. That is ok–I know I have erred morally, and I am not so naive that I expect to openly relate the story of my infidelity on the internet without being openly judged.
Regarding the statement that the client and prostitute are not on a level playing field, I am not sure what that means. I feel that there is a certain level of cognitive dissonance to on the one hand, to accept money from men who are cheating in order to facilitate their cheating, but then to judge them for doing so. If the prostitute has a moral quarrel with a man cheating, then she is morally complicit in his behavior by accepting his money. Of course, I understand that most clients probably aren’t honest and will just say they aren’t married if the provider says she does not see married men. But when they man is open about being a married and the provider judges him for his infidelity, but still takes his money….then there is some serious cognitive dissonance
I had been thinking about you and Sahar and wondered if you were real and would reappear on this blog. I was saddened to see you had not explored the references I gave to you. You seemed to have spent your time writing about asking for understanding and forgiveness from people who have no relationship to you here in cyber space. It’s a distraction just as Sahar’s accusations to you were off topic. But rather than the two of you getting into an argument over psychopathy why not use this opportunity to explore your well being and that of the people you have written about in your life? A first step on your part would be to check out the information.
I was very much struck by your emotional awareness in your original post and your rather lengthily reply to Akbar Khan. Your reply to me leaves me in a quandary as it seems decidedly different than the other two.
In this last one I’m hearing a defense to Sahar’s response to you. If I’m not mistaken your intention on posting here in the first place was to get some clarity and support for understanding your self and those aground you. But to set up an argument with Sahar does not seem to further your understanding of your self, those you associate with. I’m guessing one could say Sahar started this diversion and it follows that something you said or did triggered her indignation. This line of trying to move the blame is indicative of the punitive justice system we all know to well. It is dualistic in that things are either night or day and hierarchical in dispensing punishment some call proportional vengeance.
If two or more people are gathered together they establish a justice system and unless they choose how they are going to conduct themselves a system evolves that is not of there choosing. In all culture and religion the punitive system exists. There is another system which is restorative in nature which also coexists in all culture, and religion. It holds people no less accountable but is based on the healing power of connection. It is manifest in “do to others as you would have them do to you.”
In your writing I hear you asking for a restorative approach to the pain in your life and the in lives people you mention. But you are actually following a punitive system. So I’m hearing in your first post, “I’ve sinned so punish me and I can get on with my life.” I’m also hearing a defense you find you’re self in the new conflict because Stella violated professional prostitute standards. (In the punitive system we all try to pass blame, so our ears are so tuned)
At the same time I’m hearing you talk about how hurt you are, how unhappy it makes you to see pain in people you love, people who love you, the person who loves the person you love, and the person that loves the person who loves the person that loves you. That’s 5 named people that are affected by various aspects of conflict. I’m guessing for the most part the reconciliation with your wife was restorative. Let’s give her a name Elisabeth so she is not defined by hierarchal professional status but simply a flawed human being like all of us. I’m also guessing that there were some attachment injuries which remain raw. They may have nothing to do with the affair. Often in counseling attachment injuries are over looked and or punitive rules are put in place counter there effects. You seem to carry the hurt from those experiences with Elisabeth, Benjamin and his wife Claudia. Names people have names, not stations.
In consciously choosing a punitive or restorative justice system I’d suggest contemplating these questions.
• What is it that works well for you when conflict arises?
• What is it that doesn’t work so well?
• What is your dream about how it could be?
This is the basis of what I was speaking to in terms of human neurobiology. It’s all about security from birth to grave.
Still Face Experiment: Dr. Edward Tronick
Understanding ourselves and those around us is actually hard and continuous work. Learning about Attachment and how our brains actually work makes it easier.
Let us hear back from you, be well and do good.
I appreciate your comments the resources you have provided. It is not that I am disinterested or haven’t looked into them, it is just that I have not yet looked into them at length.
Your comments are very compact and (with all due respect), slightly convoluted, so it will be difficult to respond to all of your points, but I will make some effort.
I am not sure when you mean when you ask if I am real. Yes, I am real, and the story I have told is true. I came here because I found my situation with Stella to be very emotionally confusing, and I hoped Sahar would have some valuable insight for me based on her own personal experience. It is not often that one can openly and directly pose questions to providers about their experiences and their industry. In that way, Sahar provides a valuable service here.
I was quite taken aback by her response to me–it was not at all what I was expecting. My second reply to her was indeed a defense, and I do not deny that. However, it was not, as you seem to have interpreted it, an effort to open a debate or an argument; it was simply an expression of some thoughts that I had after pondering her response for several days. I do not hold her disdain for me and for other men like me against her. I am sure she has her reasons for feeling that way.
As for your comments about me seeking punishment. I do not think that it the case. I was simply stating that I am aware of the moral implications of my behavior. Extramarital sexual relations in themselves are (within our socio-cultiral norms) immoral. However, I feel what happened with me and Stella went beyond a sexual relations. The frequency with which I saw her, the amount of time I spent with her, and the way I felt about her when I was with her and away from her essentially equated to an emotional affair (with a footnote in the form of me paying for her time). For that, I feel guilty and hurt. I also felt pain when she told me that we could not see each other. Both of these pains are a punishment for my actions–but not one that was sought out, as you mentioned before.
As for the relationship with Stella, I still lack clarity about what happened on either end. Sahar mentioned that my feelings were “hardly genuine” because I “barely know her” and I only saw her “at her best” and knew her as an escort. Yes, it is true that I knew Stella as an escort, not as a girlfriend, or even a friend. I knew a persona that she developed and presented as part of her profession. I understand that. But, there still is an intuitive feeling about people that one senses in their presence, and from the first time I met her, there was something about her beyond her physical beauty that kept me going back to her and craving her attention–and not just physical–intellection and emotional, as well. In that regard, I do not think it is accurate to say that my feelings were not at all genuine. Yes, Stella was part of a fantasy world, and there was a persona she presented to me, but that does not eliminate the inherent goodness I intuitively sensed in her. I felt, and still feel that she is a special woman.
Sahar also said that she is sure that Stella “does not think very highly of me.” Perhaps that is true–I don’t know, but it does not align with her words and actions towards me. Also, I am not sure why she would give me so much of her time and attention at a fraction of her required price if she felt disdain for me. She could have simply charged me her full rate and rushed me out the instant my time was up. She didn’t. She could have told me not to come so often. She didn’t. She talked to me a lot about her life, her past, her dreams, her experiences. She would text me regularly on her own accord without any initiation on my part. Why would she do those things for no reason? The answer? I do not know. Maybe she treats every client like that, although, that certainly would not be very lucrative for her in the long run.
As for my wife, there may be some lingering emotional scarring from her affair, but that is not something that occupies my mind. Five years have passed and that other man is completely out of our lives. He is nowhere near us geographically, and there is no communication with him whatsoever. He is a non-issue. I first saw escorts in the wake of her affair as a means of sexual fulfillment and perhaps an anecdote to loneliness. When I started seeing escorts again, it was purely driven by sexual desire. However with Stella, I was shocked and scared by how much I felt for her beyond a simple desire for sex. That caused me to ponder my marriage and my own self. Am I actually lonely? Do I feel emotionally unfulfilled? On the surface, and in my mind, no. Despite my infidelity, I love my wife, and that is why I forgave her for her affair an remained with her. However…what happened perhaps implies something different. There are surely things the tow of us need to work out.
I have not had any contact with Stella since our last communication which I related in my first post. I do still think about her often. Yes, there is a desire to see her again, but I know that is out of the question. Mostly, I just hope for her well-being. I wish her happiness and fulfillment in life. Even though my time with her involved infidelity and moral digression, I am still grateful for the generosity and sweetness she showed me, and I do not think I will ever forget her.
I have not seen any escorts since, and I do not intend to. I want to appreciate what I have in my marriage and try to heal the wounds on both ends once and for all. Once I have looked into the sources you provided in more detail, I will respond to them.
When your Escort friend tells you last night was good. How do you tell her you wish her well in her professional Escort business? And wish her well that tonight’s clients she does even better? And that you pray for her safety? Without upsetting her. Or is it an unsaid one way conversation?
I came across your writing about “Why do some men prefer prostitutes for sex?” It is intriguing because I recognize my wife in your description, more so now that I’ve found out that she’s a sex addict. I am in no way implying anything demeaning or judgmental about anyone. I’m searching everywhere to help me understand the situation I am in, so I appreciate your candor.
Thank you for commenting. Is your wife in the sex industry?
Please feel free to elaborate a bit on your situation
I’m glad your site is here. I’m trying to figure why my BFF has become an Escort but I understand she has finally gotta into an apartment and the monies is excellent. She doesn’t want to talk about it unless she brings up her clients, etc. She’s just out of an abusive divorce which he won custody by drugging her and getting her a felony. Now she has lawyer fees out trying to enforce her visitation rights. A case of his rich family versus poor girl.
I just list and am her only male friend which her parents and grandparents are glad she has someone. It’s difficult to lie to them but I have you maintain her secret and confidentiality. Thanks for your writings she’s had a lot of history as you experienced as an Escort. I don’t know if she’ll ever quite now unless win Power Ball.
It is very kind of you that you are concerned about the well-being of your friend. She is very lucky to have you, and I wish both of you the best. To answer why she became an escort can be numerous reasons, so please feel free to elaborate so myself and other readers can give some input.
She has been in abusive marriages and previously supported non working husbands by modelling nude which she is beautiful. She was raped by an older cousin at age 8. She’s definitely seems to be after the money. She enjoys buying toys for reimbursement by her clients. I pray for her ever night since I know she’s Escorts at high end in call hotels for her own safety. Three days ago she launched a National ad and has already booked out of town travel to Escort new clients. I worry she’ll be kidnapped or worse. Any suggestions on travel and safety. She will not be GPS chipped to track.
Don’t give up on love. Lots of therapist are out there to help so you are able to identify what a healthy loving relationship looks like. Although you will probably need to look outside of your religion or any religion because sex work and religion will not really work out well. I am an escort and I have found an absolutely wonderful man who loves me exactly the way I am. I know this is not common and I am extremely grateful for every day I spend with him. Of course it has also made escorting more difficult because I honestly only want to be with him. Good luck in your journey and don’t give up.
Hey i have read your blogs, and have written . I have a question because i am on the flip side of the marriage thing. If a man you had no doubt truely loved you and wanted you to be a part of hos life, both of you best friends, and a lot of sex was never involved in your relationship, but you know you could call him anytime day or night and he be there for you to console you in any trouble that you have , someone that gets ill at you usinv that word wh word. Knows your family, never treated you bad in any way for 3 1/2 years no matter how bad you treated him would you trust that he truely loves you? I have been faithful to my best friend a sex worker and have always loved her. She knows it, the only fights we have are because her actions about marriage make me feel inadequate. I love her want her to have my insurance, i already pay for all dr and dental visits, just want to travel and see the world bedore i die with a woman that i love wholeheartedly. What do you think?
I love your blog. It’s very personal and moving. I hope you will contiue writing. I donated a small amount.
Hi, I have been reading your blog for about 2 years now. I came across your blog during a deep depression I was going through after exiting from the life of prostitution. I am 18 now and I have had some serious thoughts about entering the sex industry again. I feel like it’s home. Mainstream society has continued to exploit and marganilze me. Even attending college I feel exluded and out of place. When I got trafficked many people tried to use me for my story. Anyhow, It has been on my mind immensely and I am confused.I too am Muslim and I have been trying to trust in Allah and read my Q’uran daily. Sometimes I feel relief but most times I feel confused. Honestly I feel pessimistic at times like maybe I will NEVER receive God’s mercy or even be worthy of a man’s love. Recently I have finished reading Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers and it has opened my eyes slightly but also has discouraged me. After getting out of the life when I was 15, I received intensive therapeutic care but I always felt the shaytan and jins surrounding me . Calling for my soul. After a year of being out I prayed to God and I felt nothing but demonic forces. I started self harming shortly after. I went back to prostitution in August of last year and it broke my soul because of the things I witnessed with street level prostitution. I had never experienced that before.my status had disintegrated. I thought God was telling me something…. my main thing is I feel like prostitution accepts me and it is where I belong. It’s an understanding no high hopes no lies and no blatant neglect. I am currently in a relationship and I feel as though this guy is mind pimping me even though I am no longer in the sex industry…. what should I do honestly…. I want to walk away from this relationship and go back to prostitution.
Asalaam Aleykum sr Aliyah,
My heart cries out for you and what you wrote. You are so young and you already feel so hopeless. What you are experiencing is real post-traumatic stress, which effects every aspect of your life. Most outsiders do not understand this. And I am sorry to hear you are in a relationship with a man who only adds salt to your wounds — please leave him sister. You are precious — do not give up on the mercy of Allah swt. Allah tests those he loves with hardship, and as He says in the Quran, he does not burden a soul beyond what it can handle (Baqarah, 286). InshAllah one day you will see that your hardships were a blessing in disguise — and you will soon, InshAllah, learn a pattern that life is meant to have good and bad times. Tests are necessary in life for growth. Deep down, all of us cannot deny our human need for love and belonging. One may not find this love and belonging in the duniya (the world) — but one will find peace by seeking love from Allah swt. I pray that you do not have to go back to this work — sister, please go to a Masjid and talk to someone about your neglect. InshaAllah you will meet a true pious sister(s) who will not judge you because they have true imaan. Do not feel shame for the hurt you have experienced, own it! You are a young girl and Allah will not punish you for something that was not your choice. Again sister, you are being tested because this is a call for you to ripen and to become stronger — moreover pain helps you to have a soft heart and have empathy for others.
You, as a woman who has been a prostitute, have been exposed to very traumatic experiences that ‘normal’ women do not face — it is comparable to a soldier who has experienced a warzone (witnessing horrid things). Once back to normal life, they have a hard time relating to others because of the trauma they experienced — this causes a lot of emotional distress for the sole fact of being unable to truly relate/belong to others.
If a prostitute leaves the sex industry, she needs to economically survive somehow. If she is not supported by someone else, then she has no choice but to work a ‘normal’ job to support herself. The idea of a ‘normal’ job, or even studying as you mentioned, is a very scary thing when a prostitute is already experiencing depression, trauma and all sorts of other fears. She is not able to function like a ‘normal’ woman, which makes her feel completely isolated and alone when she is among ‘normal’ people. Sadly, un-empathetic outsiders will render her ‘lazy’ because she won’t work a normal job or function smoothly in other scenarios. The very fact we live in a society where some women are forced to work full-time and left to fend for themselves is problematic. In Islam, this is unacceptable and women are supposed to be protected by her male guardians — but we live in times of great fitna now. In essence, there exists little-to-zero wholesome support for prostituted women to find alternatives. This realization only adds to ones’ depression and makes the idea of remaining in prostitution SEEM ideal. Aliyah, when I was young, I felt the same too. I felt I could not belong elsewhere, and I used to have tremendous anxiety amongst outsiders. Back then, I had virtually no emotional support from anyone (mainly because I kept everything inside, which is why I started this blog).
But I promise you, this can change! I pray that you will find support somewhere — because this is what a prostitute needs to transition, she needs wholesome support. And wholesome support does exist — their are some outsiders who have empathy and will understand the pain you feel, InshAllah. Just be careful — there are a lot of ‘charming’ people who also seek to use us and hurt us further — listen to your heart. Please leave the current man you are with given it is a haram relationship and he is not supportive. You come from a lot of neglect and you need wholesome support –please go to the Masjid sister (and try different ones if need be).
I will send you an e-mail.
May Allah protect you
If I had to give you some advice, it would exactly be the same that Sahr has already given in detail. In fact she has snatched the words of my mouth. I know you are too young and vulnerable and stress and depression can break you down. But be strong, go to a psychiatrist, take help of a sincere friend. Above all we are here to listen to you and encourage you. Just be strong. Exit soon. I tell you exit will be a blessing.
I am Nandita and I am from India but currently studying in Germany. I read your post once when I was in India and now I am in Germany working as an escort part time with University. I really want to thank you because somehow your posts gave me motivation. And I do agree you always have an upper hand being an exotic escort. I hope you are doing good in life and accomplish your goals. Tschüss 🙂
Hey girl, how’s Germany? I’m in Brussels I’d like to get into the escort business but not really sure how to start, how do you do it? Like work from an agency or independently. In hotels or a site? Help a sista out!! I’m from Africa btw
I read your post on why men seek escorts. Here is the truth (from a Man’s perspective). Have you ever heard this analogy?…where a younger woman is asked by a prospective long term boyfriend…”how many partners have you slept with?”. Women will downplay it….”oh, only one guy…nothing serious”. With guys at the bar men will overplay (add many more to the story to make it seem they are real achievers/players of the field) but all while “to her” they will say a low number (closest to truth). This means we are lying when we tell you (it’s the wife’s fault). Marriage, means a committed relationship (constrained if you will). So, men will say “I seek escorts” as “she” (wife) does not “do this” (or that), or forbids a “type of sex”, or will say “she has stopped having sex as often as I would like”. Truly, these are the good sounding “explanations” we men conjur during an escort conversation. The truth is this: Similar to how money empowers a woman and is the “only” reason (not the sex) they choose to escort, money empowers us men to fullfill (some pretty perverted) desires (fantasies) many of which became as designed by the imagry found in pornography. Themes like “Teen baby sitters”, “Lonely Housewives”, ” Perfect Milfs”… the list goes on and on. The money (and exchange thereof) is simply a method that allows us to fullfill fantasies (on a bucket list) as we build them. Marriage is too narrow a path to cater to that fantasy “design” save for just “one” woman. You cannot have, “I banged my student”, “My daughters best friend”, “College girls I exploit” to “Milf’s and their lonely lives” (in basic life & certainly not marriage). So, we men seek escorts. Many of us call ourselves “hobbyists”, but we will seek any way possible to have OUR way (upon you) and (in you). To take upon desirable woman (again and again) without any care whatsoever (for her) just that she matches the “profile” (like buying a car) and I am completing during the “act”. These acts are driven by the male visual and how our minds work. We see a woman and immediately think about her…later we remind ourselves “that body”, what would sex be like, “I would take her”, place her in all positions”…and do all sorts. Fantasies vary, but can go extreme (making her gag, anal, you name it) and completes with ejaculation usually in the mouth, and that she must swallow. It is often brutal what comes to our minds and honestly simple sexual acts within the boundaries of marriage don’t truly permit these things; furthermore with what woman we married they don’t match all the fantasy imagry. Truly, a desirable woman (who escorts) allows us “access” to simply, a living breathing f%!# doll (object) to exploit a fantasy (use in any way we can with no strings attached) and as such there can be no correlation the way we’d see things in the reality of marriage. Were it the case, the marriage would not last long. You might say…” I don’t allow men to dominate me as an escort…or, I never go there…I set the boundaries”. Trust me, we will try to get around them and take all we can (only we are limited by time/cash/your fees/what you will do). Hence, we write “reviews” thereafter. Men want to hear things like she offers “full service” because it includes the ability to “rangle” her to utmost; (like the analogy at the bar where we tell “the guys” how many sexcapades we have had). It makes us feel good that we could. For us, it’s about “she did everything I expected while I had the chance to “suit up” with her, and in the time alotted”. Going back to why men seek escorts the idea that we want variety is an “understated” and clever way to say, “I buy sexual fantasies, tommorrow the next one, and next one after that”…whatever imagry I fantasize about next. Men equate visual and then desire which then leads to “hobbying”. It would be best to say “I escort because I am an unfaithful husband…it’s not my wife”. Hope this helps…
You’re the type of douche bags that escorts want to avoid. Hence why some escorts hike up their prices because you low life’s can only afford low rates.
I genuinely appreciate your sisterly advice, and must admit it was not a overnight decision. Rather years of contemplation and research, not to mention my own previous experiences which do not run directly along the same lines, yet parallel in many way. I had my share of experience with men, some married most not. It doesn’t surprise me just how detached and yet sensual I can be all at the same time. It was never all about the sex, but the companionship. A lot of the times, these men shared their day and emotions and even family/kids lives. We’ve kept in touch and they’ve shared their troubled marriages to inevitable divorce they ultimately faced, which began way before our acquaintance. I never got paid for my companionship, except for one older gentleman who gave me a little allowance once in a while, but it wasn’t always. Overtime, ties would be cut and we’d go out separate ways. Nothing was ever on bad footing. If/when we ever cross paths again, it was like old friends catching up with life all over again. Like the aforementioned older gentleman who seldom gave me allowances, he previously had martials problems but was sure not to divorce. Then over a year later, we spoke over the phone, caught up on life as he mentioned finally ending the marriage and has found a new love with an older woman (relative to my age) who he another year later married. I am easily aroused and really enjoy the companionship of men, and I don’t get attached. I am good at what I do, so figured possibly this might be an exciting new path for me.
also, just a small 2cent advice…. it would totally be helpful and easier if new messages started from the top and not bottom. Scrolling past all the older comments just to get to the latest can be either discouraging and/or distracting.
I really enjoy and appreciate your blog…. and when I found out you’re muslim, made it even more personal for me. Considering that I too come from a rather traditional muslim household, how and where would you suggest I can get starting it promoting myself as an escort without overexposure?
I cannot make any suggestion because I hope you never have to resort to this work, inshaAllah.
This is a very honest advice. Thumbs up
i have a question but i really wanna make sure when i ask it my name in noway will show up or my email if i don’t want it to
I want to thank you for this website, for sharing so much of yourself here. I just found it recently and haven’t been able to stop reading. You’re an excellent writer and you write the sort of things that make me love being a reader, things that challenge assumptions, things that contain eternal truths. You’ve also bared your pain in a way that is so brutally honest it’s nearly had me in tears. I want to thank the commenters here as well, many of you have written things so touching they make me want to hug you.
I found this site through an internet search for answers because for the second time in my life I’m a client of a sex worker who I’ve fallen in love with. The first time was ten years ago, I was in a dark place and allowed myself to be taken advantage of by a woman who has no problem breaking hearts for her own gain. I was so insecure at the time that even after she had used me and left me to be with a wealthier man whom she subsequently drained of resources and also left, I still would have done anything to get her back. I worked out a lot of issues in the years after this though and a year ago when she contacted me to say she wanted to get back together the idea was so preposterous that I never even considered saying yes. I suppose it’s some kind of karma that she’s now in prison although I never wished her any ill will and truly wish this fate had not befallen her. She doesn’t deserve to be the victim of puritanical, misogynistic, sex-negative assholes, whatever her crimes against individual men may be.
So this time I’m in a healthier place personally and for the last two years I’ve been a sort of on-again off-again regular client of a wonderful, sensitive, intelligent woman who’s beautiful inside and out. I had feelings for her right from the start but they worried me, I was not looking for emotional attachment and was content just seeing random hookers once or twice when the need for sex arose and then moving on, at least that’s what I told myself. I was coming out of two painful breakups in a row, the first of which was a marriage engagement to a woman I was head over heels for but ended up being a personality disordered psycho who ripped my guts out with a smile on her face, and the second was a sweet innocent girl who’s heart I inadvertently broke which was somehow even worse. I also felt trepidation at being involved with another sex worker, although to be honest I would have put those worries aside if I felt my feelings were returned. I did not sense they were returned however, although I could tell she liked me as a person and we had a certain chemistry. So I would see her a few times, then get uncomfortable with the way my feelings for her were intensifying and not see her for a couple months, rinse and repeat.
This latest sequence has been a bit different. I went back after not seeing her for at least eight months and we had a few wonderful sessions where it was pretty clear I was there for more than sex, as we’d go way beyond the hour laying there in each other’s arms and talking afterwards. Then I again didn’t see her for two months. This time I didn’t want to stop but was extremely busy and then lost a whole month to an illness. I let her know that I was thinking of her and wanted to see her as soon as I was better.
When we finally did reconnect, it was one of the best times ever, it felt so natural that I almost forgot I was paying for it. Then she told me that next time she wanted to cook for me, and that’s how our sessions have gone ever since. I give her a day or two notice, then I go and she makes me an amazing meal and we spend maybe 4 to 6 hours talking, eating, holding each other in bed watching movies, and making love. We’ve done this almost weekly for a few months now. What I give her for this varies and I try to be as generous as I can but I think honestly it’s not nearly enough, but she has never mentioned money other than to thank me.
As you can imagine my heart is on fire and it’s wonderful but painful as well. I really don’t know how she feels and I’m scared to ask because I’m afraid if that conversation doesn’t go the way I hope that things will get awkward. So far neither of us have mentioned our feelings except a recent text where I told her I missed her while I was traveling abroad for a couple weeks. I have to assume she knows I love her though.
It’s been pretty clear that she enjoys my company and feels comfortable with me, it’s not clear whether things go beyond that for her and any signs of that I think I’ve seen I’m afraid are just wishful thinking. She can be a bit mysterious and hard to read. She added me on a text app so we could talk more when we’re apart (her idea) but sometime when I try to talk to her there she gives one word answers that make it seem she doesn’t want to converse. Sometime I wonder if I’m being strung along because I’m a good customer. Her actions do occasionally suggest an emotional component though. Sometimes after we’ve spent a few hours hanging out and then have sex I start putting some clothes back on and then she asks me if I’m leaving. The first time this happened I thought she was signaling she wanted me to go but then realized from her demeanor that she actually felt hurt, like I was only there for the sex and was now leaving after I got what I wanted. Of course there’s different ways to interpret this, I’ve known too many narcissistic women to believe this proves she gives a damn for me.
I know she feels respected by me and the attention and affection I show her make her feel good. I feel lucky to have met her and shared some wonderful experiences with her (including some of the best sex I’ve ever had) but I don’t really feel good about the possibility of something more and honestly sometimes I wonder if the smart thing to do would be to stop seeing her altogether before I get really hurt because sometimes when I leave her place I feel that longing to have my love returned and my heart shivers. I want to believe this is more than just a transaction to her. More than once I’ve cried on the drive home.
I do realize how some people reading this may think I’m an idiot because sometimes I feel the same. I know that I probably wouldn’t be in this situation if I weren’t still working through the lingering effects of a neglectful and abusive childhood. I know it would probably be much smarter to stop seeing her and go find another relationship that doesn’t start with money. Unfortunately I can control my brain much more effectively that I can my heart.
I was hoping for some advice.
I have been seeing this Romanian escort for afew months. (Every time I have paid for her time)
She has kind of let me into her life, she asked for my Facebook and has added me. (Her request not mine)
She has hundreds of friends and it’s 100% her official personal Facebook, I can see her mum/family members ect.
She said she would like to meet my family. And even said I could come back to Romania with her to vist when she goes back. (She says she will return back to England as this is where her job is)
I have seen many escorts and never have they divulged there personal information like this or acted like she does.
I just worry she is trying to keep me as a regular client and sees me as a easy target. (I’m a very kind guy)
She knows I like her I have made this very clear.
I do not spend much money on are vists but some times I will see her 3 times a week. We talk most days and even speak via video calls.
I’m 25 In good shape I keep fit, im not rich but can provide for myself.
I don’t want to keep paying to see her as i would like to save money for my future rather then keep spending it. Especially if there is not going to be a future.
She’s early 20s and very attractive in my eyes, She has more money then me.
What’s the likely hood I’m just getting taken for a ride?
I’m really confused, I really like her.
Not trying to save her from her job, and yes Ino it will be hard to accept if it did come to that, not sure if I will be able to handle it, but i just honesty don’t no, can’t help who we like.
Iv had my heart broke befor and I don’t want to go through it all again.
Please can you tell me what you think?
I mean you call yourself kind? Not to sound snide but really who does that
My issues with women are specifically the ability to create a connection/attraction and as a result escalate sexually. I consider myself to be an extroverted person. I have no problem going up to a girl and beginning a conversation. The problem is that I can start a conversation alright but then it sort of dies out or at best gets muddled through. As a result 9 times out of 10 attraction is virtually never established and seduction/escalation forget about it. It also seems like the girls who I seem to have at least decent rapport with end up having boyfriends (or so they tell me). I kind of think that a lot of times girls use that as an excuse or they make up that they have a boyfriend. Even if she did have a boyfriend sometimes I wonder how serious can they possibly be? What kind of sense does it make where a girl and her girlfriends go out to a club, wear short dresses that are clearly sexual/risque that are saying “hit on me”, and still have a serious boyfriend? To me that doesn’t make sense. I think they’re lying half the time and I think it’s because they just don’t want to get involved for whatever reason. Other times they probably do but I can never tell. All I know is that I get stuck in the friend zone more times than I care to remember. To help solve this problem. I am thinking about seeing an escort. I have done my fair share of research on escorts, the GFE, and the like. A few years ago I saw two escorts because I wanted to try it and I had the time of my life. I couldn’t continue due to economic/financial issues. From what I understand you’re paying a young woman for her time to basically be just about anything you’d want her to be. I am thinking what might be a good idea is to “practice” building attraction and seduction through conversation by seeing an escort so that I can actually condition my nervous system to do and say the right things that will lead to intimacy. Of course this would only work if I let her know ahead of time. I would never bring up sex or money because she might think I am a cop but what I would want her to do is to give me hints during our conversation as to what topics or questions will boost the attraction level. For example, let’s say we are talking about cars: Me: Oh yeah Betty, cars are great. There’s ferraris, there’s cadillacs, which one’s your favorite?….Betty: Hmm, try asking me about what’s important to me like maybe what I find attractive in a guy? If I can theoretically have her be anything I want her to be why not have her be someone who will guide me on how to literally build up that attraction in conversation which will actually result in being intimate that I can take with me and apply with success to women in the real world? As long as it’s honest and truthful I don’t see how it could hurt. I already know what to do in the sack the only problem is the ability to actually get there. Since you are an escort yourself would this process of working backwards actually work? I would like to know what you think and what would be the best way to proceed. Thanks.
There is many things to say in response to what you wrote. However, I am curious as to where you got this idea that an escort will be “anything I want her to be?” Sorry, I dismiss that idea, as it does not apply to me. An escort will not be what you want her to be — she is not acting (unless you ask her to roleplay), but otherwise most escorts have their own standards for themselves.
Yes, you can contact an escort and ask her to teach you or advise you on how to better attract women — but bare in mind that finding sound advice might be a challenge. There is no harm in contacting a lady and paying for her time in order to seek her advice — but remember, everyone’s perspective differs.
Also, yes, many women go to clubs and dress revealing whilst having partners — women go to clubs to dance and dress up, and surely they love the attention they get. It is very confusing for men who are unaware, because revealing clothes on women is very misleading — there is plenty to say on this topic for another time.
“Anything I want her to be” I apologize I didn’t mean it that way it sounded. What I meant was within reason as well as her personal boundaries she’ll accommodate whatever your needs are pretty much. I do realize that every woman was different and even so with regular dating as opposed to seeing an escort; some you hit it off with while others you don’t. However, all women gave common denominators and what I would like to know if seeing an escort would be beneficial in terms of connection and attraction within those common denominators. For example, woman number 1 is at her essence ABCEFG and woman number 2 is at her essence ABCXYZ. If I can be the best I can be at connecting with both women at items AB&C even though for me a better fit is XYZ vs EFG at least with both we coversed the basics. That is what I feel I need to do with an escort..”cover the basics” in terms of connection and attraction this way I will have a sense in the real dating world of how to connect. I also think my odds of being intimate will increase. Thoughts?
You have cultivated and accumulated an incredible wealth of worldly knowledge and experience, learned from a very different ´school ground`, stemming from a somewhat, guessing, different background to launch yourself as high-end….I can only applaud you to that incredible person you have become along the way…I appreciate how you pause, reflect, then comment on some of the naysayers at your young age….My perception, like many, has been tainted and distorted from my upbringing with ingrained preconceived ideas. This forum has cast a light in a dark corner that has made me question some of my own insecurities and lackings in life…
My questions stem from curiosity…
– You are in the most unique position to travel to destinations without a work permit (a gray loophole) and earn well. Have you taken advantage of this to learn additional languages as you have the time and would be culturally integrated?
-With the amount of free time but difficulty to organize one’s day, have you managed to study as an investment for time ahead so one does not sit with a blank CV from past years?
– Having conversed with some of the affluent (higher educated clients in general), what are some of the learned lessons that have helped you in life?
Everyone learns something that has influenced them along their journey. From my experiences, I can say I have learned that one CAN choose family…If anyone is there to pull you down, that person is not needed in your life….
Be very careful of small minded people with a little bit of authority. There is an importance of staying with good people that elevate one!
You are an exception, an incredible one, and an inspiration to many
(male, 42 years of age) ٩(͡๏̯͡๏)۶
Excellent questions. Looking forward to read the response to these questions
I am in love with an escort, have been for 2 1/2 years. I am not in love with her character I am in love with the person I know she really is. I met her when my wife died 6 months after she passed.
She and I clicked from the minute I walked in, didnt want sex from her, just a friend. I paid for an appointment an hour, stayed 3 wasn’t ask for anymore money. For a month and a half I would see her 2 and 3 times a week, then one evening on my way home from work I decided to stop and pull down into the woods, I pulled out my knife and cut my wrist, not deep but enough to bleed good, it didn’t hurt at all. I reached up to pull it acRoss my juggler and decided to call my highschool buddy. He answered I was crying bad and he said I’ll have to call you back I’m on the phone with my daughter. I called “”Becca”” crying I told her hun I need to let someone know so when they start looking they will know where to find me. Long story short she talked with me for almost 3 hours until I arrived home and she heard my daughter tell me she loved me.
She was on drugs and admitted that to me opiates big daily habit, I started helping her with her bills, bought her an older car a dryer and almost anything she wanted or needed. I never made love to her for almost 2 months. Then it was natural for both. Problem was in her life was a man”” drug addict too”” that she thought she loved. I was me never changed was around when she gave birth to her child, have spent Christmas together 2 years running, annual Christmas parties. Anyway I never left have told her her worth over and over. I was introduced to her parents, bought another car for her to drive a very nice car. He wouldn’t work not a day in the 2 1/2 years I’ve known her, made her do appointments 3 hours before she gave birth so he could have drugs while she was in the hospital.
She is 105 days clean, and ready to get him out of her life we have vacation plans with her mom and dad, she tries to tell me about her day and I love her regardless but have to stop her as soon as an appointment comes out her mouth I say hun don’t need to hear about it. Its never graphic or play by play but its hard for me to think about another man being with a woman that I truely adore and have been faithful to for over a year. Please help me she is my world. We shop yard sale eat spend mini vacations together, I’ve heard I love you Sam in front of her mom and dad and hun I do believe it but I don’t want to feel inadequate. I want to marry her the ring has been purchased and in my safe one she picked, just can’t get her to say yes yet, and don’t want to lose her
I have been reading your blog for years now. Every now and then I check the comments and it’s not only entertaining but also insightful, full of different perspectives.
I guess it was inevitable that I would develop a desire to get to know you and interact more; as a ‘client’.
Would greatly appreciate if you can get in touch at **************@gmail.com
I will send a full introduction and we can take it from there.
You are desperate for attention. Why break the law and resort to renting out your love canals and in so doing suffer social rejection if arrested as an escort? There are other options you could pursue, such as swingers club that would deliver to you the sex and attention you’re obsessed with but not burden you with quotas, law breaking or social ramifications.
Thank you for being so open and candid about the escort life. Over the last week I have informed my husband of 18 years that I want to begin escorting. He is having a very hard time with my desires to move forward with this. During our conversations, I have contacted an escort agency and am taking steps to get started with them as I have no desire to try and escort on my own as an independent escort. I’ve researched pros and cons of doing it on my own and having an agency solicit me, and I prefer the agency method right now to get started.
There are two main reasons I want to escort: 1) The money, I’d be lying if I said that isn’t a big part of what is driving me; and, 2) I enjoy sex. A Lot.
I met my husband when I was 18 years old. He was my first kiss, my first love and my only lover. I married him at 19 years old. I have never had sex with anyone besides my husband. My husband on the other hand had many partners before he and I met (he is 7 years older than me). Several years after we were married, he cheated on me. Twice. Both infidelity incidences happened over ten years ago and very close together, in a matter of months within one another. He begged me not to leave him and stay with him. The good wife that I wanted to be, I stayed. At the time, I found out I was pregnant with our second child. We have two children who are now ages of a teenager and a tween.
Over the last four years, my husband has neglected me severely in the sex portion of our marriage. I have experienced him turning me down quite often. I have done everything I can possibly think of to get him to engage in sex with me on a regular basis (my definition of regular is one to two times a week). We have sex once or twice a month at best. I have suggested everything imaginable from role-playing, to bondage to threesomes. Even though he is in his forties, he acts as though he is eighty. I should note, he does struggle with severe depression. He honestly is not capable of satisfying my sexual needs.
We have been to marriage counseling. I have expressed and verbalized my needs very clearly to him. None of it seems to make a difference. I asked his psychiatrist who prescribes his mood stabilizing and antidepressant medications if he could go on Viagra or something to help our marriage. The psychiatrist retorted with “If he is too depressed to even want to live, he is too depressed to want to have sex. Someone who wants to die certainly doesn’t want to be bothered with sex.” This was about two years ago.
I have multiple reasons to want to escort. While I am 37 years old, I’ve been told I don’t look as old as 37. Some people even think I am still in my 20’s. I’m not thin and I’m not heavy. I’m in between with a full figure, curves and a few bulges. Perhaps I am a masochist but I want the feeling of being shallowly lusted after. I want to be just tits and ass to someone else. I want someone to want my body, even if that is all it is, going after me with no strings attached. I want to be sought after as a prime piece of meat. In the escort business, I recognize that men are paying by the hour so if they finish quickly there will be time to spend talking. I also want to be someone a lonely man can talk to. Heaven knows I have my fair share of advice and experience to offer, if he wants to hear it. I want to provide company to other men. I want to experience other men. I get very scared because I don’t want to be caught by police and I don’t want to be found out by my community. I do want to be very secret about this lifestyle choice.
I don’t want to hurt my husband by wanting to escort. He and I share a very deep and profound love that has been cultivated over the last 18 years. Neither of us want a divorce. I think deep down he knows he cannot and has not met my sexual needs. Today all he did was sleep and mope around the house telling me he just isn’t sure about me wanting to become an escort. I suppose I am posting on your blog because I have felt a connection to your writings. I suppose I am looking for validation to begin the journey of escorting. I could age out in five years I suppose. This could be the worst decision of my life or the best decision of my life. This could be a midlife crisis or this could be a sexual awakening that I want and need. I’m not a virgin, but sometimes I feel I am damn near close to one having only experienced sex with one man my entire life. Am I searching out escorting for all the wrong reasons? Is the trade-off of money worth it? Not all my encounters will be “satisfying” but will I find joy in escorting since I love and desire sex so much already?
Sure.. but who are you?
Hi. Thank you for maintaining this very honest blog. Is it possible to email you?
I was never a girl who really got into blogs much, but I really love the transparency and beautiful pain that you put into these writings. I will be escorting soon and I have some questions. I was wondering, generally, how do escorts handle their income? How do they pay taxes? Do they pay taxes?
It is your life and its your choice, no one should have concern theoretically but then as humans we do end up showing concerns. Having said that, is it your absolute decision to become a prostitute? Couldn’t you think of or exercise any better alternative then selling yourself knowing well the painful outcomes? I would request you to think again………not for the sake of anyone else but your ownself.
How do you start? I want to become an escort but I don’t know where to begin
Hi, thank you for your blog, it is illuminating to hear about it from your side. I would like to share my story, if you will indulge me with your time:
I am a Western man living in SE Asia. I have been seperated for the last 2 years, with two children, aged 3 and 4. However, myself, children, and wife still live in the same house – with my wife and I being in seperate bedrooms for the last 2 years. We also have a live-in helper, who does household chores and can babysit.
This may be an unconventional arrangement, but neither my wife and I wish to be apart from our kids, and for one of us to move out is just not possible financially with the rents here…if one of us were to move out, we would actually have to go back home to the other side of the world, and therefore would not see our children.
We trialled this with a trial seperation 2 years ago, and both my wife and I found ourselves to be much happier. We have made some agreements about behaviour, and in a nutshell our relationship is like a professional, cordial workplace relationship: we are polite to each other without asking about each other’s private lives. We split our rent, school fees, helper’s wage etc 50/50; it also helps to have a helper in that we don’t argue whose turn it is to clean the bathroom lol!
We have absolutely agreed that our romantic relationship is over, we have agreed we can see other people, however we agree to be discreet about this, ie not bringing them back to the house.
I am genuinely happy to be single again, I had been unhappy for a long time, and this is a very good solution for me. I have, or at least had, no intention of being in a relationship again. You can probably guess where this is going, although you might be surprised…
I still have sexual needs. I signed up for an adult hook-up website where I have met a few women. It has been hit-and-miss: the website is NOT somewhere to find a life-partner, but some of the women I have met do want more emotional intimacy than advertised, so I have broken off a few nsa relationships, before the strings attached lol!
I would like to think that I am respectful of women: I do enjoy their company, and coversation, as well as their bodies. I am always honest with them about not wanting anything other than an nsa/fb relationship. Some women don’t understand my domestic situation and why I can’t host them at my place, or think that I am cheating on my wife – I’m not, as I hope I have made clear above. I have no reason to lie here on this website.
The problem with the hook-up website is that a lot of work/time goes into meeting a new hook-up, and sometimes that goes nowhere. I have also picked up a few prostitutes in bars here, as is the culture. That genuinely has been no-strings, and I have enjoyed and respected the women I have been with, without having any “Pretty Woman” – saviour type complex.
I’ve also been to massage parlours, the kind with extras, and had similar experiences. This is the point of my story, if you’re still reading lol (thanks).
The last massage place I went to, I noticed the girl as very pretty, prettier to my tastes than I usually see, but I didn’t think much more than that. She started massaging me (legit non-sexual massage), and her hands were awesome! I can only describe it as compared to a physio that I know of, who is famous locally for having “healing” hands – his hands are uncommonly hot (not unpleasantly, like hot and sweaty), naturally so, he himself has no idea why, its just a gift. 3 members of my family have seen him for relief from arthritis, and all attest to it.
Anyway, this girl had hands like that. Rather than it being a rub-and-tub type massage, it was awesome! When she finished the massage and asked if I wanted extras, I took a deep breath and said “no”. I told her how amazing her hands were instead, she said she had fat hands lol, her mother had always told her that. Nobody had said anything like that to her before. I said she was pretty, she responded with all her faults, like skin too dark (she’s Chinese). That was her opinion, not mine! We started talking about always wanting what we don’t have, like wanting tan skin if you are white, and light skin if you are dark. Basically I felt a kind of connection, we spent the rest of our time talking mainly about our racial differences (I’m white), barely breaking eye contact.
For the rest of my booked time, we just talked. No extras, no sex. She never got undressed. I spent most of the time stroking her hands, but also her arms, hair and neck. We embraced but didn’t kiss. She offered me her number, which I took. I paid her for the extras we didn’t have as I didn’t want her to lose out. She had another customer scheduled, so I went home, otherwise I would have paid to continue talking to her.
We have been messaging each other, and plan to meet on her day off. We will probably have lunch, or go to the zoo. I feel in uncharted territory here. I find her undoubtedly beautiful, yet I don’t feel in any rush to sleep with her, I am just looking forward to hanging out with her.
I’d like to make clear that I still don’t think I’m Richard Gere. I’m not trying to rescue her from her job/lifestyle. Her lifestyle actually complements my compartmented life at the moment. I’m not stopping the hook-up website either. And I’m aware that potentially I might be being tricked, but I know the steps to take to safeguard against that. But the experience with her showed me something that is missing from my life…perhaps some kind of intimate friendship?
Thanks for reading all of this. I’d be interested in your viewpoints. Have you ever developed a genuine friendship with a customer without having had sex with them?
Thanks for your time
I’m a happily married man. I’ve raised 2 children and they are both successful people. I got married In the 90’s. After many happy relationships with multiple women all overlapping and some concurrently. I was always honest about my play dates.
5 years after marriage I began to miss the excitement of the differences in women. I experimented with a prostitute and it was wonderful. We talked and laughed caressed and made passionate sex together.
I was hooked. I’ve seen countless other ‘hookers’ over the years. All of them advertise on the internet and none are street walkers. The women charge $100 to $1,000 depending on the length of time I’m with them and the range of services they provide. I’ve had covered and uncovered sex with multiple women and never had a single STD. The only incidence of an STD came from a free orgy where everyone was an armature and none were hookers.
I love my hooker friends who now number into the hundreds. I see about a half dozen currently and I add one here and there and one moves away or retires now and then.
They are my buddies, my lovers and I consider them friends. I’m able to pay them a little money which helps them out financially but the sex and the friendship and cuddling is the most important. Money is just the reality of living life, we all need some money.
I’m still happily married and I have plans to die old and married to my lovely spouse. I’m careful she never finds out what my hobby is.
Cergio in LA
Is something great and exciting about your story? other than cheating on your wife…..and using women on the other hand?
Hello this is funny or you may think I’m trolling but I’m being genuine, i had sex with a sex worker but it was kinky sex and I was tide up and could not see, i know there was a condom on at one point because i felt it when she took it off when the time was up, but I don’t know when she put the condom on because I could not see, basically my question is would I have notice the difference between sex with condom or without? Only asking because i know the health risk of bareback sex and i never had bareback sex, i am not joking I just want a response, thanks
My husband and are married for almost 11 years. He was 24 and I 19 when we got married. We just had our second baby he is 3 months old, and the first one is 15 months old. I know that my husband loves me a lot and was in love with me when we got married, but his family doesn’t approve and that causes a lot of stress in our relationship and we almost got separated twice. The second time was just after my 3 mont old baby was born. We were separated for 2 months because I didn’t want his mother to come for New Years and it turned in to a big fight and I kicked him out of the house. In the fight I told him many hertful things but it looks like he got the impression that I am not satisfied sexually. Naw that we are together I know in my heart that he has been seeing an escort because he is a new man in the bed. I have been with him for 11 years and I just know but can’t prove it. My question is is it possible for him to have been seeing someone just to be better in bed, and once a man go to an escort can he still love his wife and see her the same way.
I found your blog a few days ago and have gone through most if it. What a beautiful mind! What a lovely soul!
I am so so sorry for what has gone to you that made you choose this job. I wish I on behalf of the society could somehow make it up for you but I can’t…
Driving in my car, I listen to Khali al-Jaleel reciting Quran and weep in silence. I pray for you and ask God to give you extra strength to leave this profession once and forever. I pray that he provides whatever is necessary for this to happen. I pray that he makes you a mother and a wife — the focal centre and the warming sun of your family.
I wish you knew I am shedding tears right now. With love, Mahdi
هَيْهاتَ اَنْتَ اَكْرَمُ مِنْ اَنْ تُضَيِّعَ مَنْ رَبَّيْتَهُ اَوْ تُبْعِدَ مَنْ اَدْنَيْتَهُ اَوْ تُشَرِّدَ مَنْ اوَيْتَهُ اَوْ تُسَلِّمَ اِلَى الْبَلاءِ مَنْ كَفَيْتَهُ وَرَحِمْتَهُ
Your blog is terrific. I began seeing escorts six months ago and was having a good time…until I met an unusual, older escort with whom I became infatuated. I still am. I don’t know how to stop obsessing about her. I wish now that I would have never started seeing escorts, I feel miserable.
will you please advise on how to find escorts online for my escort marketing agency? my company provide internet marketing services to independent escorts, and any advise on how to book more escort clients will be highly appreciated..
Okay, I do have a question. Primarily a research paper question and I’m looking to get some invaluable insight from a real life escort.
Allow me to explain my situation.
I have a paper I have to write for my English class, sort of like an academic essay. My professor insisted that he didn’t care what subject we chose so long as it was something controversial. Because I live in the nightmarish country of the United States (if you’ve been following our election you probably know why I’m referring to it as such at the moment), I chose to write about legalizing sex work and the benefits of it since it is still very much frowned upon here.
Just today in class, the professor wanted us all to discuss what subjects we chose so that we can discuss them all at length among the class and so I had to admit in front of the whole class that I had chosen to argue in favor of legalizing sex work. As the professor allowed some students in class to give me their take on my subject, one guy said something that stood out a little and made a pretty good point. My professor has insisted that I sleep on it and acknowledge the point the guy made in my essay since he felt a lot of people might wonder the same thing.
So what did the guy ask exactly, you wonder?
“How can a profession that appears to be so demeaning to women in many instances somehow go from that to actually being empowering to women?” I thought perhaps you can provide some insight for him. What better person to address this question than an actual escort herself? I do need to address his point in my essay and it’s a good chance for you to offer some perspective for those who wonder the same thing.
Hi, I went through your blog which is just wonderful to read. My I ask your advice in private? It is just not enough space typing here everything. I left my email for you, same as on my fbook name to see me in real. Thank you for your help in advance.
Hello, i want to start in business… Where can i get clients? I must go to agency, or make advertise?
I been reading not all but almost
I wanted to talk to u privetly between
Woman to woman. Just want some
Hello! I’m new to escorting and my goal is to essentially get to where you are: a woman who with fantastic marketing, a client base, knowledge of the industry, and the ability to be selective with her clients. I was wondering: what would you consider necessary for a lady to have to start going on her own in this industry? How did you start your website? How do you promote it? How do you look for clients/clients look for you?
Thank you, Paige
Hello exotic escort, I really need your point of view on my situation as well as your guidance. To make a long story short, I met an escort last year in Cartagena, Colombia and had a passionate night with her. She left me thinking of her so we communicated through text messages and phone calls while I was back home in Miami, Florida. We would talk to each other like boyfriend and girlfriend, she has asked me for financial help more than a few times, not much but a couple hundred dollars. The 4th time she paid me back the money I lent her because she says she wanted to show me that she’s not just speaking to me for money.
Two weeks ago, we met again since our first encounter in Cartagena. We met in Bogota and spent a week together making love (or at least genuine passionate sex) and sharing beautiful moments that normal couples would do. On the last day saying goodbye in the airport we both cried from sadness of not knowing when we will see each other again. Since I have came back home we talk almost all day, we are now in a relationship and she calls me her boyfriend. I don’t know if I’m in love because I have never experienced love, but I care about her and like her like no other.
She has gone back to work as a sex worker 3 days ago and she is currently in Panama City. She had sex with a man last night, the first man after making love with me. In fact right now she is out working, while I am home watching Netflix and writing to you. My situation is, I really like this girl and she is special, she’s a mother of two, caring, charming, and sweet. But I am confused whether she is being 100% with me or not. I feel that she is but I am not completely sure. And I feel disappointed that another man is touching, kissing, penetrating my girlfriend, and then the next morning I have to act like everything is normal with her. But if I ask her how her night went, she doesn’t like to talk about it and gets annoyed. I have never been in a relationship with a sex worker before so this is very difficult.
Please share with me your thought about this, your guidance to try and make this relationship work, your best advice, and most importantly, your wisdom.
Thank you exotic escort
Thanks for the detailed reply and it indeed made me feel happy and to hear from you (frankly speaking i wasn’t expecting a reply soon). The songs that i dedicated and the comments i wrote were just on based on my intuition that you might be able to understand the language……..It was a guesswork though; since I come from the eastern society. Have lots to discuss without taking your precious time of course (whenever you find it convenient). The biggest thing which impressed me and made me write is the fact that you have such good education, writing power and are well read. Social interactions make us more wise and knowledgeable. Thanks once again. I would certainly like to talk to you whenever you find it comfortable and convenient.
Thank you for the song. The lyrics are indeed something a lover of an escort could feel and understand ….
The other song, Zaroori Tha, tells, however, that it is necessary to experience pain and despair in order to truly unite with their love….
Here is the English translation of Patthar Ke Sanam:
Oh lover made of stone (i.e. heartless lover), I thought of you as God,
It was such a mistake, alas, what did I understand, what did I know..
Keeping your face in my heart, I kept walking on burning coals
No matter where you were, I prayed/bowed on your face
There can be no one, as crazy as me.
Oh lover made of stone..
I thought that when the loneliness of the nights would increase
The light of faith/fidelity in your eyes will show me the way
after being hit, I realised..
Oh lover made of stone
if only you knew who you have rejected
not glass, not ocean, my heart is like a temple
the whole sky is barren/lonely, oh lover made of stone
One of the most creative songs for me is “Satrangi Re” (Colorful One) from Dil Se — it is a poetic song that outlines the 7 stages of love according to ancient wisdom. Satrangi/Rainbow has 7 colors, to symbolize a lover who has multiple ‘colors’, which is both depicted visually in the video and in the lyrics upon close analysis. A great blog outlines this analysis of love in “Satrangi Re” here: http://dichotomy-of-irony.blogspot.ca/2014/07/satrangi-re-seven-stages-of-love.html
One of my favorites ❤
Dear Sahar, hi
Let me briefly introduce myself. My name is Akbar and Iam a doctor by profession working on human behavior and psychology. I came across your blog sometime back then i didnt go through it. Recently i got some time to read some of your posts as well as questions and comments by different readers and your answers. I also went thru few of your sex stories.
The first thing I must say is that you are a very well read person and your writing power is extraordinary. It made me somehow feel happy. I could have read it and moved forward, but why i am writing you here?? Some of the humanly feelings can not be described easily, behavioural sciences are inexact actually. Your writings and some of your own feelings compelled me to write.
Like an entangled string, the subject is so vast and difficult to decide as to where should one take a start. I am totally in agreement with you that sex workers are subjected to stereotypical behaviors, based on centuries of cultural and social way of thinking. I am not also for making any conclusions here about who is right or wrong. Escorts, (prostitutes, sex-workers or whatever terminology you might decide to use) could be as sensitive and great human beings as anyone. However it is also a fact that due to the nature of the profession, women do get hardened and if not all, a sizable portion do get emotion-resistant toward men. The sterotypical image that comes to mind is not based totally on whims or out of context. Centuries of behavioural analysis of sex workers might also have contributed towards it. Even if for a moment we lay this discussion to rest, we (i and you both) have to live with the definition carved by the society, till a time the society decides to change the image or we are powerful enough to impose our definition.
Having no option but to live with the stereotypical definitions and attitudes, we have to carve our actions and life accordingly, systems are bigger than individuals.
what prompted me to write was that:-
1. I wanted to point out (or discuss) that while answering many of the genuine questions by male readers who had tried to fall in love with escorts or who tried sincerely that she should quit the sex industry, you simply put the blame on the guys for their society defined stereotypical thinking. I think it would be unfair if you do not offer any comment on the selfish behavior of those women. Sometimes false ego is the only thing which makes one a loser.
2. I also read your story of love with your fiance and it made me almost cry and filled with sadness. Even though you expressed your realization and selfishness as the underlying cause, you didnt take corrective steps (or at least didnt mention). It is a chapter of your personal life and you have the right to keep it closed…………..yet since the blog is a public one, it does prompt people like me to ask questions. Why didnt you try to get back to him once you realized that you had been unfair with him? He was not just another male who wanted paid sex, he was a different breed. Was it impossible to get back to him? Realization of one’s mistake makes the person great not small. If we have the power to find him and ask his opinion about escorts, wouldnt it be sterotypical that “they are whores and they cant love a single man?” So who is at fault in augmenting that sterotype?
3. Is being escort a win win situation? this is another question which comes to inexperienced mind. We as human beings have basic biological needs. sex is one of them. man or woman both want an awesome satisfying sexual experience and that too regularly. Even if you were not an escort you would still be in want of sex. Now you are being given plenty of satisfying sex with variety of men and their cocks and being paid too……….2 in 1 enjoyment. Isnt it a win win situation? this is not my question, infact i suggest you must take this topic in your blog for the understanding of novice minds.
4. I would sum up this session by saying that in my humble and debatable opinion, society does not see sex workers as someone inferior or bad for the sake of it. People see them as such because of their lack of realization for certain things. To put it in other words, me and you as human beings, regardless of the social propaganda or programmed stereotypes, must realize that:-
a. Money cant buy everything.
b. The emptiness within
c. The lack of love and ownership
Even if the people called you good, great or lovely, that is meaningless. It is this meaningless-ness which makes this profession bad. As human beings they might be otherwise as fantastic or as bad as any other person. The meaningless-ness infact victimizes the sex-workers more.
Thank you for your comments and your appreciation of my writings.
Great insights you have mentioned. Indeed certain stereotypes come from realities observed, but as I try to highlight so much complexity exists within the lives of prostitutes. There are too many stereotypes that simply do not apply to all, and yet they are tangled within the stereotypes.
To answer your questions:
1. I do indeed need to elaborate on answering ‘why’ some women in this industry behave selfishly. I do not lay the blame on men, as I believe the problem with certain mentalities is the inevitable outcome of societal attitudes. I am fully aware there are decent men who are more understanding than others.
2. I was very young with that particular past experience. I admit that I hurt and neglected him, which is something I only realized after. He never resented me for anything as he knew I was young and naive. That relationship was a learning lesson for both of us. Indeed I had hardened him by making him unable to trust women — but later, we also concluded we were both just naive back then. Just like the song you sent me “Zaroori Tha” — sometimes mistakes were necessary…it was necessary for the pain to happen, in order to teach us things to prepare us for our fate after.
3. For me personally, getting money and admiration from clients is very shallow, fragile and meaningless. I don’t see my work as a win-win situation, even though my experiences are relatively decent — it not something I want to sustain, it’s just a convenient option for the time being. As a Muslim, it is not a win-win in any wholesome sense. Is prostitution a win-win situation for other prostitutes? One must remember that the majority of prostitutes are not having any pleasure or contentment from selling themselves. Most are subjected to compromising their comfort for very little compensation. My experiences with clients is by no means the experience of most escorts/prostitutes (even my high-class counterparts). For the majority of escorts, seeing clients is a very uncomfortable, un-pleasurable experience –which is why so many escorts resort to drugs and alcohol to numb their emotions. In those cases, can one say money compensates for the loss of their comfort? It is really problematic that outsiders have this view that prostitutes are in a win-win situation, and this deception is due to the media. Social media prostitutes are giving the impression that they are content and ‘winning’ by selling themselves — this short term ‘success’ is pure deception to mask the deep emptiness that follows.
4. Society generally has the perception, as I once did before I entered this industry, that sex workers are immoral women whom essentially deserve no care nor concern — they are all the same. This notion completely ignores how various forces in society push women into this line of work due to circumstances, and moreover ignores how many women desperately want a better wholesome alternative. Maintaining or creating social stigmas against a certain group exist for a variety of reasons — stigmas are political and of course have an agenda at stake. For instance, if a certain group is subjected to endless media campaigns to stigmatize them, then it is easier for them to be ignored by wider society. That means the government can ignore them, silence them, or exert control over them, whilst the wider society does not care since they have internalized the stigma towards them. Racist stigmas are a comparable example. When a society is told constantly, for instance, that Muslims are ‘bad’ people, then the society will not care when their government starts to deprive Muslims overseas or elsewhere. Hope that makes sense.
Thank you again for your well-thought comments. Looking forward to hearing from you in the future
I have been reading your blog, It is a great learning in itself. Just two things I want to say; First escorts are as good a human being as anyone else, actually they may be more mature and responsible compared to many because of their exposure and intimate interaction with people from different segments of society. They may be great students, teachers, friends or whatever their other jobs. I also agree that most men would prefer an experienced and playful sexual partner with whom they can share their deepest physical and biological desires and who can herself orgasm in awful ways. It is also a fact that due to the nature of job, some escorts might become hardened toward men and it depends also on the type of clientele which she is used to. Also another thing which might be true is that although primarily the aim of every business is to earn money, sex sometimes in its own right might become addictive……particularly the warm sensitive thickness of a highly desirable client……….Since human social and behavioral factors are so variable, there could be no single mathematical answer to the questions which are usually asked. would certainly love to interact more with you.
Hi there. Your blog has spurred some intrigue within my brain. I had been curious about our industry from the tender age of fifteen for reasons I do not totally understand but I feel may be related to my undying thirst to learn about things which are either unusual or secretive. When i began working as an escort the only reason that I was aware of was for financial comfort and saving for a house yet after some time I learnt to realise that I could enjoy my work too and be selective of the clients too. I will never think what I do is right or moral yet I let myself live this life short term knowing that in five years I’ll be out and living comfortably but not necessarily in luxury. It was interesting to read your own perspective and outlook .
I am an 18 year old I recently had my first sex with a prostitute. As it was my first time I was very nervous and I could only have sex for one minute and cum. She did not allowed to touch her vagina and did not allowed to see it in fact before paying she told me that she would spend me for an hour but in reality she performed sex in standing position in a hurry and I also lasted only for one minute as it was my first time.totally for spending only 5 min I paid 1000/- my question is how could I fulfill all my sexual needs with aprostitute
I have a question for the first time in my life I have used two high class escorts, I dont have a problem pulling women but wanted no complications, since my relationships with my two mistresses became too complicated. I wanted some fun, that is all. The second escort I met I really liked and she said she liked me. Kept saying why you married? Despite that I keep telling myself it is a fantasy she plays well. Yet there are many contradictions in her behaviour. She recently said she did not want a donation, feels about me as a boyfriend. Wanted to cook for me, pay for dinner, bought me expensive wine. Gave me the keys to her flat, begged me to stay the night when I can’t, wants to go to the cinema with her, none of her time I am paying for at that point. Texts me then gets angry if I do not text back. When I sad I can’t call because my wife is sitting opposite me she got mad with me.I have her number. Then asks if I can loan her some money the says don’t worry she has taken on a job the tells me how she hates this guy. She has told me a lot about herself, shown me pictures of her family. Wants me to go to Brazil with her. My wife is back and I can’t see her. She demanded I call her. Got angry. Now she says remember I am just an escort. I reminded her of the things she said and she offered to give me my money back and then asked when I will go and see her. I think she felt something and has backpeddled because of her lifestyle and fear of hurt. I am no fool and think she has crossed a line but wants to protect herself. I understand in a way when I was a young man I was a gigolo. I would like your opinion please. Too many pieces of evidence that she likes me but can’t go further.?
First of all thank you so much for your honesty and sharing your life in your blog. Your posts kept me up all night and i read through every single one of them.
You’re the only person i’ve came across whom i share the same views on monogamy with. I still get surprised that there are only few people who dare to question what monogamy nowadays is built on and if the human being is made to be monogamous.
Is there any chance you could tell me how working abroad did turn out for you? How did you made this happen what were your experiences?
I just started working as a high class escort in Switzerland (for an agency) to pay for university but recently got accepted to a Australian University. I don’t want to give up the job since studying in Australia is way more expensive and i also don’t want to miss out on this opportunity. Any advice?
Is there any chance to reach out to you via E-Mail?
With lots of admiration,
Thank you for your kind words. With regards to what you mentioned on the decline of monogamy — it is tragic. People nowadays think that freedom means doing whatever they desire — in reality, most wise people realize that this sort of ‘freedom’ is a gimmick and equivalent to spiritual emptiness.
Regarding your question and circumstances: why do you need to study outside of Switzerland? I lived in Australia for a few years. My personal take on Australia is that it’s a nice place to visit for tourism, but living there is something I personally didn’t like — there are much better countries in the world to live in my opinion. I worked as a high-class escort there too, legally. There is money to be made, but as cliche as it sounds, it’s money for the ‘cost of your soul’ in Australia. The mainstream drugs and drinking culture in Aussie cities was something I found so unattractive. I strongly advise against going there if that means you will be working as an escort on the side.
My advice to you is study and focus on exiting the escort industry as soon as you can. Make sure what you are studying has viable career paths. You can travel afterwards, no need to rush — have patience.
My email: escortdiaryblog (at) gmail.com
Thank you so much for your honesty and shedding light on this important, and yet taboo, aspect of life.
Your site provided valuable information, and some comfort, for me. In parts, I do feel you may be a bit judgmental of married men. I came to find your site because I have developed a relationship with an escort, and I am married.
Marriage is difficult, that is not news, and it is certainly built on trust. My whole life I have been the good boy. Gentleman to a fault. Faithful in loving in all my prior relationships. I was always a serial monogamist.
I am a successful doctor and had a great dating life. I was privileged to have had great relationships with fantastic woman. My wife was no exception. However, there was something different. There was a slight lack of intimacy, a slight coldness to her. I have always been a nurturer and I mistook her coldness as a sadness that needed tending to. She also came at a time when I wanted to start a family.
Blessed as I have been, we have 2 of the most amazing daughters that I love from deep in my soul. Our relationship has been superficially great. We don’t really fight. We have no real struggles, and maybe that is a problem, because beneath the surface there is a deep emptiness. We barely say I love you. Sex is good, we reconnect, but it is once a week or less, and only at my bidding. I am often turned down. She doesn’t touch me much or praise me ever.
I reasoned that these are first world problems and that I have my daughter and would never do anything to hurt them. Then, the inevitable, I met a woman who tempted me. She is also a doctor, and we met at a conference. Gorgeous, smart, and viciously self confident. She pursued me like I hadn’t been pursued in years. She stroked the ego that had basically gone to sleep. She was also married and in a very similar “dead” relationship continued for children’s sake. When we kissed that night, it was an opening of Pandora’s box. Feelings I had locked away came pouring out. I realized I was starving for intimacy.
We did not sleep with each other. We decided too many people could get hurt. We remain friendly but it ended as soon as it started. But things had changed.
Now I resented my wife like crazy. Every shun, every avoidance of me, her coldness, drove me mad. I decided to approach her and discuss. I didn’t mention the other woman because to me she was a symptom. I focused on our issues. The result, she told me she loves me dearly, we had sex, and things went right back to the routine.
If I thought that our relationship was so toxic that it affected our children I would have left, but our children are happy, as are we, on the surface.
Then I came across the escort business and I was sold. Escorts were larger than life to me. Classy (courtesan/VIP), intelligent, women who actually love sex, or so it is sold to us “Johns”. Reading the ads and contacting and exchanging messages with these women was scintillating. I reasoned I could get intimacy and sex without emotion, and this will actually save my marriage (I know, cliche and dopey).
My first experience could not have been better. We talked for a long time. She listened attentively and was even more intelligent than I expected. She seemed poised and confident in her sexuality. We talked about deep things but I didn’t want to look behind the curtains at who she really was, and destroy the illusion. We had great sex (or at least I did). I knew she may be acting but I didn’t care. It was such a second escape. We said goodbye and I vowed not to see her again. I liked her and this was not about anything deeper. I did not want a regular.
I was surprised at my lack of guilt afterwards. I had been prepared to be depressed and withdrawn but it was quite the opposite. I was truly happy. I began loving the aspects of my wife that I had always enjoyed, and I felt her short comings could be offset by the occasional visit to a courtesan.
So, then I go on a trip to another city and decide to see a lady there. We communicate on line and we share many interests. We meet in a bar. First impression, pretty, not gorgeous. Will be ok. We talk for a while. The talking is effortless, as if she is an old friend. I feel a little nervous but we go to my room. We start kissing and tibia kind of electric, but not purely lustful. We have sex but then lay in each other’s arms talking. We then have sex again but something is very different. We are making love. It feels way deeper.
Afterwards we are awkward. We both say we had a great time and we go our separate ways. We start communicating on line. Exchanges go back and forth. We start talking on the phone. Deep conversations. Lust mixed with true longing to be together. I look behind the curtains and I find a truly fascinating, deep person, not a sexual fem bot.
Now things are weird. I have a family and would do nothing to hurt them but every atom in my body desires to be with this person. It is maddening. I so badly do not want to drag her into my midlife crisis and I do not want to hurt her. I also do not want to hurt my family.
It is painful beyond, and yet I have never felt more alive.
I suspect I will have to end it. I think I will end all escort relationships. I don’t want cheap sex and I cannot have a relationship.
Anyway, thought I would give you a married guy view. Cathartic for me to put it in words anyway.
Thank you for sharing that.
My advice: end it with the escort. You are acting selfish, and you need to come to this realization. You are intoxicated by the ‘thrill’ you experience with the escort, and you fail to realize that she has the same emotional needs as your wife (except the escort hides them when she is meeting you, because you are her CLIENT!). No wholesome escort will want to be serious with a man who left his family for her — she will assume you will eventually do the same to her. Respect your wife and tell her the truth. There is never any wholesome benefit in deceiving people, but you don’t yet perceive this.
I have been the ‘escort’ in your scenario. I have had a love-struck client actually leave his wife and children for me (not my plan or wish at all). This particular client downplayed the fact that he was married, so I didn’t realize how selfish he was until his poor wife discovered who I was and called me. Even after that, he decided to leave his family in the hopes of marrying me. I could not fathom the idea that he was willing to break his family because of me, nor would I ever want to be with a man that has no quarrels about neglecting his family this way. I still feel immense guilt today for contributing to his wife’s neglect, despite I was deceived myself. And that client…he treated me exceptionally well, like a Queen. And that’s what boggles the mind…… a decent guy, like yourself, who got overly consumed by ego. Ego is very dangerous.
I’ve heard many different rationales for cheating on one’s spouse. Some situations seem understandable and not purely done out of selfishness. For instance, there are some men who haven’t had sex with their wives for multiple years. What is worrisome is when the guilt is no longer felt, as cheating becomes so habitual that this now becomes part of their character. I tried to understand this common issue of infidelity from the married mans perspective, and even took the stance of having sympathy for my married clients.
But, I am not sympathetic anymore, for a variety of reasons. Yes, the issue of infidelity in today’s world is a very, very complex issue. One gains a better understanding by observing the broader societal forces that have made infidelity ripe and rampant today. To be monogamous in today’s societal conditions is literally swimming against the tide — there are endless forms of distractions (deception) that constantly tell both men and women to chase their ego, chase their desires (even if that means ruining the dreams of someone they claim to love). In today’s context, a person has to acquire immense strength spiritually and intellectually to marry another person and understand the value of loyalty and sincerity. This requires a deep understanding of the importance of morality, empathy and humanity (all traits that are deeply lacking today). The globalized world we live in is based on a shallow culture of materialism and individualism, so having a sense of morality in this context is a revolutionary act.
As I wrote in my latest blog post — the mark of maturity is one’s understanding of empathy. To those who cheat on their spouses, I cannot say they are simply bad people, no. In fact, most married clients I encounter are very kind, caring and generous. But what is clear is that these people are adults who have not yet matured internally, or perhaps they are battling their heart. In other words, they have not yet reached the spiritual maturity of empathy. And moreover, they live within a context that has made cheating easy and accessible. People’s state of heart can change, however — sometimes for better or worse. People do make mistakes and change for the better, some don’t. In essence, life is a growing and learning process, so there will always be hurdles and trials.
Anyway, I hope you can reach your own level of empathy and compensate in a wholesome way for your past
Thanks. Harsh words I needed to hear. I still feel you are being a bit judgemental and seeing the world only through your eyes.
I told the escort I am talking with about what you said. I told her I feel awful and I do not want to drag her down. She says she is feeling something she has never felt. I told that is precisely why we should stop.
A life without intimacy is death. Until you are in a relationship where circumstances trap you, you simply cannot fathom the emptiness. I would rather bemoan a lost love than have nothing. I would leave my wife immediately were it not for the children. I vowed to suffer emptiness for my children.
My conversations with this escort are beyond everything. She fills my void. The world looks brighter, and yet you would have me turn away from the light.
And you are right. I am going to hurt her, and my family. Life can be so sad.
The Grass is always Greener to one who hasn’t seen the other side. You think that this escort is some sort of promise land, but in reality, your mind has just been indoctrinated to not appreciate the blessings you already have. And with your misguided mindset, you would eventually grow bored with the escort if you pursued her. This is because you have not learnt the art of discipline or selflessness. Discipline, selflessness and patience are the hardest traits to endure, but without them one will surely drown.
I say these things, because I understand the feeling of desiring things outside of what one already has. One day I hope you, like me, will see the reality for what is it — most of the things we think we desire are meaningless and once we actually have them, we realize we deceived ourselves. You must realize that living in a consumeristic world, we are constantly bombarded with marketing that tells us to feed our ego and seek ‘something better.’ But anyone who has done this is aware of the mass deception. If you don’t believe me, then go see ‘the other side’ yourself — you will end up sacrificing the blessings you already have for some short-term ‘promise’ (which will turn out to be deceptive, in the long run). I am not saying the escort you mentioned is bad, no — it is the scenario of cheating others is what is wrong. Again, there is never any benefit from feeding the ego.
Learn to be content with what you have. Desire that results in harming others is a dangerous thing — these are things I have to remind myself, as I am woman who had a terrible habit of giving into her selfish desires. I have ran away from marriage myself for the sole fear of not being able to be faithful, but the way I have been living is no way to make a life. Only in the last few years I have began admiring the beauty of discipline and accepting whatever life circumstances I am granted (good or bad).
I hope my advice helps,
I have read few words of many of your posts and started to think that you live an escort life only in your imagination and writings, because an escort usually can’t find the time even to think of posting such detailed stuff with so much and deep understanding of many aspects in life. I think you need to go on a long vacation away from everything and find yourself. You might want to start by quitting this career and praise to Allah and ask for mercy. I am just giving you an advice which you already know, I am not pretending to be a better person, I think I have done and may still do much qorse than an escort does, but that does not stop me from giving an advice to someone might need a reminder.
Sorry to step in unexpectedly.
“An escort usually can’t find the time even to think of posting such detailed stuff ….”
LOL — an escort can’t have a mind, right.
Honestly, with such writing skills and thoughts, you can have a better life than being a piece of entertainment for anyone who wants. Maybe you need to take a deeeeeeeeep look inside yourself next time you look in the mirror doing your makeup or hair 🙂
As if my entire blog isn’t an indication that I am looking deep inside myself and my surroundings….?
But I guess all escorts just choose to live this lifestyle.. according to you.
I know you meant well, but it’s not that simple..
Somehow, just a regular and quick date with an escort would give a man a pleasing night-out where he won’t be feeling the pressure that he must and should and ought to show emotions, some women are so demanding and give a man a very hard time, especially if the man stays neutral and sits in a corner for quite a while with no emotional expression towards his partner. This makes him want to be with a woman that does not require so much of emotional treat…
“Cheating myself, still you know more
It would be so easy with a whore
Try to understand me, little girl
My twisted passion to be your world” (Lyrics from: Alice In Chains – Love, Hate, Love Lyrics | MetroLyrics)
Thank you for sharing.
The rationale for cheating that you just expressed — it is something that I tried to understand and empathize with for years. But frankly, I cannot support cheating anymore, even though the current climate of marriage and relationships are deeply complicated these days. To cheat another in marriage, when you have the options of communicating your frustrations with your spouse, disciplining yourself (ie: lowering your gaze) or separation — is truly selfish. I, myself, have cheated on my lovers, and quite honestly I came to realize I acted selfishly and it revealed that I had no sense of discipline.
The man cheats on wife with an escort. He goes to an escort who has no emotional attachment to him, so thus the escort is able to behave indifferently. In reality, this man is contributing to not only the misery of his wife, but indirectly to the escort as well. Who says that an escort does “not require so much of emotional treat?” It is this attitude that add salt to wounds that prostitutes already face — this realization that the escorts true emotional well-being is something clients should never know or feel. An escort becomes scarred herself from endlessly witnessing “nice” men who cheat on their wives — she, herself, becomes unable to trust often. So, a cheating man is supposed to feel good about himself by spending time with a woman who has to hide her emotions in order to make money?
My tone sounds harsh, I know. I empathized with my married clients for years, because I realized a lot of cheating men do not actually realize the long term damage they are doing by cheating — therefore, I think it is importance to make people more aware. When society is conditioning us to become more apathetic towards others (ie: care less about others well-being and focus on our own happiness), then what hope do we have for the future? Then we wonder why people are constantly unhappy and depressed…
Also, some married men actually do fall in love with escorts and leave their wife and children for an escort — as I have personally experienced. It is a deep societal problem…
This may be a very strange question but as you stated my husband is one of the men that enjoy variety, and he LOOOOOVES his escorts! However since weve been together he has never strayed from our marriage and hes very very open about his wants desires an fantasies, with me, and im game for everything! Hiwever recently hes asked me to role play as an escort! We tried sn hes like nooooo love thats NOT how they act!….I think of them as being freaky with dirty mouths but apparently i couldnt be more wrong, and for some reason i CANNOT talk dirty to him, just clam up lol my mind goes blank… Hes my best friend and he gave up his fantasy world for me, id love to give it back to him through me…. I know your not a counselor howeve u are a proffesional so Any advice would be tremendously appreciated
What you wrote is proof that many outsiders have a very misguided and erroneous perspective of escorts!
Things to keep in mind to educate yourself and your husband:
1. Escorts are as diverse as other women in the bedroom (there is no one “type” of attitude)
2. Every escort, just like anyone else, has her own personality. Given that, an escorts personality/attitude also shifts depending on the client she is interacting with.
I think it is impossible to “role-play” as an escort, because we are not robots 🙂 However, you can try asking your hubby to show up with some cash (which is something all escorts expect, haha)
Thank you for sharing
I too went through the same thing with my ex, the thoughts of addiction to money to scared of getting close to a normal man. I was dumb and fell in love. I feel remorse and sad. Thank you for your blog and I can actually relate to someone.
Thank you for sharing Mika
To make a long story short, I started seeing Crystal as a client after my long-term relationship ended 3 months ago and I am feeling lonely due to many past failed relationships. When I met Crystal, she just started working in this industry and just got out of a long term relationship. I went to her incall probably 7-8 times, we had lunch and dinner several occasions, and she went to my place a couple of times. She said she only does incalls, but will come over my place anytime. Besides our first 2 appointments, our sessions have been going over between 30 minutes and 2 hours, paid for 1 hour session. Every time she went over my place, she wouldn’t accept my payment and no charges when we go out to lunch/dinner. One night we were supposed to meet at my place, she cancelled on me and told me she will stop by my house after she finishes work the following night. On the next two visits at her hotel, I left the payment for her but she only accepted partial to cover the hotel fees, I ended up putting the rest in her purse. The 2nd time, I left the payments in her purse and she told me it wasn’t necessary and she did not expect that. We would exchange text messages once in a while to check up on each other.
She would give me compliments and say that I am such a gentleman, easy to please, good person, easy to fall for, cleaned, generous, etc. I would give her compliments as well, but I always shrug off her compliments because she probably says it to every single client. We would talk a lot about our personal issues, fears, passions in life, we have the same birthdays and she wants to celebrate it together, she is going to a baseball game with me next week. My question….is this normal behavior for escort/client relationship? Why didn’t she accept my recent payments for our recent sessions? Is she just being nice to retain me as a client? I told her I really like her, she said the same but does not want to date me because “of my current job”. We text each other and she was suppose to come over to my place before leaving to visit her native country. She did not come over, no call, no show. She suppose to be there for one week, it has been 4-5 weeks. I still have not heard from her, I contacted several times. What is going on?
Ok, right post this time….
She liked you, brother. The transactional nature of the relationship got in the way of her enjoying you as a person, rather than a client. She didn’t want your money because it took something away from what she was offering you. It was her way of expressing her authenticity.
What happened to her? Who knows? Went back to her family? Had a boyfriend back home? Left the industry and everything, including you, behind? I just got out of a relationship with a former sex worker and boy, some of those women go through the grinder to get through what they have to do. Yes, they can find moments of solace in an otherwise souless profession, but they are beautiful, in demand, and in many ways lost.
Take your lessons from the experience, understand that what you had was special. Maybe, when she tells a friend about the better times of being a sex worker, your memory will come up ( my ex had a few and said the same things about those guys that she said about you). At this point, I think that is the best you can hope for. This is a dormant account. I’m not sexxykaya, but steve..
wanted to ask if you do guest blog post.
My name is Alisha. I am at a point in my life where I have decided to become a professional courtesan. I do have my degree in dental hygiene and I have researched this for almost 2 years now – mainly because I was curious and always thought about it. I am trying to find a way to begin my journey into this field but i find myself lost and without direction. I am from a small city so the demand for an elite courtesan is non existent and I would like to move to a larger metropolitan city such as New York to begin. But again, I am finding difficulty in getting responses from agencies. Your guidance or thoughts on this would be highly highly appreciated. I am fortunate to come across your blog and each and everyone of your posts is enlightening. Thank you for reading my message and I look forward to hearing from you.
I hope that you can seriously reconsider entering the sex industry. There is no glamour in it. You may gain financially (Which is not guaranteed for all women, given there is an inflation of escorts), but you risk negating wholesome relations with others (relations based on love). Consider another career path — or be satisfied with what you already have. I, myself, would be content being a Dental hygienist than being an escort if that meant my connection to love was no longer negated.
Hope that helps and keep us updated,
I would to be an escort so I am, looking into it and how it works.
May I have the pleasure to have a escort experience with you.
I never had a one…
Would be happy if u oblige
I was looking for help on the web and I found your blog. I think u could help me.(By the way excuse me my bad English.)
Last weekend I went my first time to a brothel and got a girl(it’s the first time having intercourse with a prostitute). I spent 1 hour with her. I payed for that 1 hour. I had a great time but what was really nice was the conversation we had. We shared some life experiences. We were more private talking than during the intercourse.
And since that night I have a feeling of guilt. And the more i think about it I feel even ashamed of myself. I feel like I disrespected her. And what bothers me is the thought that she sold her body to me and I bought it. I regret the sexual intercourse. For me it went behind the physical act and it was damaging to her soul. She didn’t complain about nothing she said even she had a good time but it didn’t sound like it. And I was never disrespectful with her.
A friend told me I’m exaggerating when I told him that.Do you think the same or is there something I should feel guilty for?
(Ps. : I read a bit on the blog and some topics are really interesting.)
I am a female and interested in this exclusive buisness. How does one even start?
A brief history before my question, I was a regular of a specific escort obviously I am very attracted to her but that is because she showed that she is very attracted to me as well and verbally expressed that she is, but ofcourse I thought she did or said that to make me feel comfortable. One day I stopped coming due to work and recently I thought of her (more or less 6 months later) I messaged her and she remembers me but she has been out of the business soon after I stopped seeing her, she is in real estate now I was happy for her but she said she still wants to see me after work and come over her place. My question is, if I do see her I am worried of offending her if I ask her “do I still need to pay”? Or after I sleep with her I pay her. I fear that if she does like me that I may hurt her feelings by involving money. Please help, I don’t want to offend her.
I had the same issue. If posted my situation as well. From my experience, I would just go with the flow and let her bring it up. I made the mistake of “paying” I believe, and it made things awkward.
I admire your writing, and can see that you have learned a great deal over the course of your life as a courtesan.
I find myself drawn to this profession, but I don’t know how to start. I live in the San Francisco area, and have looked into the escort services there, but it seems I’m too old to be hired. Their cutoff is 35 and I’m 41. A healthy, young looking 41, educated and ambitious, but still not young.
Do you have any advice for how to get started? If I place my own ad to meet clients, where do I meet them? How do women do provide in call services? How can I protect myself?
Any advice would be appreciated.
I like Reading Your blog. You Write beautifully and I’ve been very challenged about some of my ideas about sex workers. It’ not a Group of women I’d naturally come into contact With. And I found you because you follow me. Anyways, I nominated your blog for the Liebster award which basically is a recognition to good bloggers in the blogging community meant to be an encouragement. http://lionessoyinbo.com/2016/02/21/liebster-award-nomination/
Hello there. So came by this site somehow and very interesting blogs. I can’t stop reading! But I do have questions because I have met up with a couple escorts and its been awhile since I’ve met up with one. I loved the blog where you talked about fetishes and how there are a lot of guys who have different kinds. Since I’m looking for an escort to maybe play around with, I’m kind of nervous to ask if they would be into my fetish. I love to play with myself while a really good looking woman watches and just wondering if you think that’s a common request from guys and just your thoughts on that. Hope to hear from you.
Hi there. How can I get permission to use content from your blog? Perhaps you can reply directly to my email (if you see it)?
thanks for putting spotlight on reality of courtesans life. Is there your private email where I can contact you for advice?
I’m posting this question again as I’m not sure you got the 1st time. Have you got a website? As I’m thinking of booking, as I’m impressed based on what I’ve read.
WOW… I have been web surfing about Courtesans… Escorts… etc and I am so glad I stumbled on this site…. The open, honest discussion is truly refreshing ! I plan to spend some time reading the various entries and search the categories for answers to the many questions I have regarding this subject… Thank you so much for this forum …. Should I decide to enter any further comments or introduce myself and my thoughts, Is this where I would do so?
your blog is very touchy…………. I want to meet you and talk with you
I am 32 and I just had my first escort session, encounter, experience roughly a month ago. I tend to work 80-90 hour weeks in a lab. I have tried relationships, but they can never handle the fact that my research and what we do at our lab comes before them. So, I went to an escort during a particularly stressful time to feel a connection to a person rather than a connection to some abstract mathematical model. Long story short, I book 2 hours because then it would force me to stay out longer. I spent the majority of the time just finger-drawing across her skin and enjoying the company of another person. Fast forward three weeks and I receive a voicemail asking if I would like to see her again. I didn’t have the time so I declined, and she clarified that it was not an appointment, but a date. She offered to go dutch on dinner and drinks. I am not comfortable with this but I would like to see her again in the professional sense. I do not know how to navigate this; I am not in a relationship and thus an escort is not a bad thing, were I in one I could not agree to her still being a sex worker. I also do not view her as an equal partner, we are not in the same universe intellectually. Is there any way I can salvage this to just a business relationship or has that ship sailed?
Wow…do you have any updates? Did you end up dating her?
Let me start off by saying that I love your logic in this profession and life in general. Great wisdom and great advice is much appreciated. I am a 24 year old male seeking some advice about dating a sex worker. 6 months ago I went on vacation to a country where prostitution is legal. I met this lovely girl on a night out. She knew I was an American tourist by the way I was dressed or the people I was with. She came up to me and shared her proposition and I accepted. We went back to my hotel and had sex. Unlike most sex workers I have been with (she was my only my 5th). This one was more passionate and friendlier. We had deep French kisses in the shower and also while foreplay in bed. Something I have never experienced with a sex worker. She reached orgasm and told me she wasn’t faking it. The next day I flew back home but I couldn’t stop thinking about this great sex experience I had with this girl. I asked for her phone number the night we were together and I had the urge to talk to her so I decided to text her the following week.
We have been texting ever since, sending good morning messages to each other and having phone sex.(2 times). She is 36 and I’m 24. She says she only has 6 months working as a prostitute since the day I met her and that she doesn’t like her job and that she is in the business solely to provide a well being to her 2 kids. Ages 17 and 11. She is very religious and always thanking god or mentioning god in our conversations. She recently stopped working in the industry after she went back to her country in early December to celebrate her daughter’s birthday and spend Christmas and the new year with her family. During the time she was working, we would talk throughout the day but not the entire day. It would normally be a good morning message in the early morning, another one during the afternoon and a couple at night before she said goodnight and left off to work. She asked me for money the first time around September saying that she needed to pay rent. She asked for $50 but I decided to give her $150. I am doing more than ok financially at my age so I decided to be generous and also sort of “show off” to her a little. She was very thankful and thanked me almost every night for about a week.
The next time she asked me for money was around October. (The next day after we had phone sex which seemed a little odd to me but whatever). She needed $100 because she was moving to another place and had to pay the deposit. This time I got a little upset thinking to myself “how many times is she gonna ask me for money”. I replied to her 3 hours later trying to give her a little motivational speech saying that I feel sorry seeing her in this type of situation and that I know she can be better than this. She took it offensively and didn’t speak to me for about 3 days. My intentions weren’t to demote her personal life situations but to give her an uplifting word of advice. I felt sad not speaking to her all day so I sent her the money and told her I am sorry. She said she was very hurt by me and that she wasn’t taking the money. The next day I apologized again and told her to please pick up the money. She picked up the money later that day, she called me afterwards and we talked it over. After that incident we went back to normal calling each other baby and speaking on the phone every now and then. (and also having phone sex). I’ve told her I like her and she says she likes me too but I am not sure what to believe. We treat each other like we are in a relationship but when we text each other it usually doesn’t last more than 30 minutes before she says she is going to sleep, or stepping out to run some errands, or going to work. Which gives me the impression that she isn’t all that interested in conversing with me. (Perhaps like you mentioned in your blog ‘being exhausted of pretending to be a girlfriend when she doesn’t love or care about that man”). But then sometimes I get the impression that maybe she is attracted to me in some way. By the way she opens up to me about her personal life when we talk on the phone, and by being the one to almost always send a good morning text which means she is thinking of me.
Recently, since she moved back to her country we have been talking less. she says because her kids need much attention of her and she doesn’t want her kids to find out about me and that she is also really busy trying to put the pieces back together to her lifestyle that she left many months ago. I sent her $130 for Christmas out of free will, she didn’t ask for any money I just sent her because I wanted to for the holidays. I do like her but I am not deeply in love with her. I feel a little insecure at times thinking she might just be playing this whole situation to get some form of security in her life such as a little bit of extra money for her personal needs. I want her to be honest with me and I want to be completely honest with her but how should I deal with it in the meantime ? I treat her with respect and charmness but never needy or clingy. We both say we want to see each other again specially to have sex, and she says she is not going to charge me because now its different. Though I feel that her feelings aren’t fully there. Again, I thank you for what you do to this world and I ask you for your most honest advice and clarity to my situation.
I was wondering if there was a way to address you in a somewhat more private method? I have a few questions about sexuality, but I don’t wish to flood your blog’s comment section with them. I would prefer to keep our conversation personal, initially.
Have a nice day!
Hi, I am a social worker and researcher, I work in a field where a lot of people and some celebrities know me well. I have been very curious about what it would be like to be an escort lately. I love what I am doing I don’t want to jeopardise that at any cost, but I want to give this a try too. I can use the money too, I am getting it a scholarship program abroad but it only partial, honestly this is the first thing that came in my mind(I don’t think there is anything wrong with this).
Very confused, scard to talk about this to anyone. In a terrible, boring long distance relationship with a very elder guy, which I can’t talk about.
I just wanted to hear your though. If possible not publicly.
Your blog is very helpful, honest and of deep psychological value. You are a great psychiatrist, just like late Oliver Sachs.
As a white foreigner I am living in Japan since 13 years.
Because I am not a monogamist my dear wife left me some time ago.
I am fascinated and enjoy mingling with Japanese escorts and also go to see dominas (SM), as which many woman prefere to work in Japan. The interesting thing is that Japan is a male oriented society, but most men are actually masochists. In this economical difficult time the sex industry blossoms. Traditionally a Japanese concubine is very obedient and offers an incredible variety of services and men take unprotected fellacio for granted.
But what I want to say is that in the sex industry’s ‘milieu’ I have met some of the most charming, interesting and intelligent woman, fell in love and could even become their boyfriend. Especially a dominatrix turned out to be the most caring and lovely person.
I wish you Peace and Joy.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings.
I am deeply grateful, and humbled.
it was so paint full for me to read this stories about the writer of this site i think she could probably be a good English teacher in other countries like ours Iran instead of prostitution. if she worth for heaself and would like to live like the others. i am here. Email me.
islam and God will welcome u
it would be my pleasure to be helpful
I read your blog and really gives me deep knowledge. But i would really like to ask something.
I know this Thai girl who works as a prostitute. I realised i liked her initially and i see her not for sexual desires. She is important to me now. I love her and accept her for who she is.
But my concern is how do i reach out to her in the right manner, i really want to care for her. To me, a prostitute is a human being with feelings and i respect that.
Many of my friends and family members dont support me as they say prostitutes may change but they are so used to getting sex with men, and they are not genuine. But i really see this girl in another light and really want to love her. I want to show her my deepest sincerity.
Can u advise me how should i build my relationship with this girl i know in the right way?
That is very noble of you. It’s very sad that the majority of outsiders have such hostile, cruel views towards prostitutes — but such negative perspectives are hardly surprising given how the media stereotypes sex workers in such a static, uniform way.
Anyway, my advice to you is to be strong and expect hurdles — it is normal. She will likely have a hard time changing her lifestyle, and it may take time. Give her time. Be patient. Be realistic. And be supportive. Ask her clearly what she wants. If there is mutual love between yourself and her, then don’t listen to the negative perspective of outsiders (whom clearly don’t understand that prostitutes are human like everyone else).
Hope that helps and best wishes
Amazing blog! Just what I was looking for! Which country / city you’re from? How can I get in touch with you?
Hey, I’ve just started getting escorts, and I love it. I’ve only been with four of them, but I want a lot more. When I’m with an escort I have a lot of fun and I try to put her in every position I can think of. Do you get a lot of clients that try multiple positions?
Dear Escort Diary,
I have read through a couple of the comments on this post and pieces of your blogs. Your observation on women in this line of work and their egos seems to be correct based off of my own experience. The friend that I am living with is an escort and I care about her deeply. Love is not a word I would use as I don’t truly believe I understand the pain or pleasure of what it means to love someone. She has a unique backstory that sets her apart from 99% of the people I know. I have observed that she needs to be loved and admired, in her mind she is amazing and wouldn’t be able to understand someone not being with her. I am inclined to agree although there are days I have my reservations. She in general does not require material possessions she was born into a good family and never understood what it means to want any sort of item. Yet she suffers from the longing to have a healthy body as hers was born with a disability. Along with this her only other true desire is to have her ex-lover return to her. Currently she is out with a client who is madly in love with her. He is affluent and they will be traveling to Paris together in a couple of weeks. Recently this client has been making attempts to become more intimate with her without paying. She on the other hand has entertained his behavior believing that the connections he offers are worth it.
That is the backstory. I do not know what to do. The very logical and rationale side of me sees what she is doing as a business. She manages it as such and because of that I have done everything i can to help her. I want to see her prosper and i want to make sure she is safe. Yet I am worried about her. This man has taken an interest in her beyond an escort type relationship. Even now i don’t know if she is being paid for her time and yet i know that she doesn’t seem to have any interest in him as a potential lover. i guess I am not being rationale. Would you have any advice to offer someone in my position? My relationship with her is strictly friendship as I had tried for a different relationship with her in the past and it failed. I do not mind this and find it to be more pleasant than the rocky relationship we once had. if you or anyone could please give me advice that could possibly ease my worried mind then I would appreciate it.
Are you still active as an escort? And in what country do you live?
John its difficult to predict. To me its better to use condom.
Thanks Samrat for the reply, yes I use condom for penetration but fear of any STD while she or I give head or kiss involving saliva, hope it carries a very small risk though
I recently started hiring escorts, im married but live away from home, so i need it. Just want to know that how to know if escort has some STD? any clear signs? And do all modern day escorts test for STDs regularly as they all claim?
I’m a little bit in love with your words. I’d be even tempted to book you for an hour to listen to your thoughts. If I knew how to book you, that is…
I didn’t see my post pop up so I thought I would try again. I find myself looking for a relationship with an escort. And I know this is probably not wise. I like some of your other male readers have trouble relaxing with women sexualy my desire to please is so great that I think to much during the act that it causes me diffucty keeping my erection. That and I have lost some sensitivity from being alone for so long and taking care of my own sexual needs. I was also exposed to gay sex as a child I’m guessing I was around 7 or 8 with another young boy. I do love woman though and I don’t look at men and say he’s hot I would like to sleep with him. However it’s always in the back of my mind. I was also exposed to porn and a lot of it at around the same age. There were many girls that I loved when I was younger 1 in particular who I would have to say was the 1 for me. Problem was I thought at the time she was my second cousin so I never acted on it. It being taboo and all. I was and still am in love with the memory of her. Anyway with all this diffucty now at the age of 38 I found another girl I loved. Problem was when we went to have sex I became aroused but when I went down on her I lost my erection and paniced. She also said a comment and it was supposed to be a joke just before I was about to penatrate her. It was from Saturday night live and she had said it earlier in the evening. I said I just want to cuddle and we did. It was late and I was tired and I was so deep in thought about what just happened so when she decided to try again I couldn’t get it up. We talked the next day and she said she was ok with it. I blamed it on the joke. We ended up going out on a date the next day. I still loved her and I went all out on this date we were singing together and holding hands on the way to dinnerdinner but I was exhausted I had been up over 24 hrs thinking about what happened and preparing. When we got there the restaurant it was so packed we couldn’t get in and we ended up just getting a bit to eat at the bar so it was kind of a flop date at the end and I just dropped her off because I was so tired. She was just getting over a relationship with my ex supervisor and had some unresolved things with him. They were in a relationship for a few years and I told her I understood that she needed to talk with him and that I would be there for her if she decided to return. And she did. She asked me to come over and hold her. I told her I would but not to expect sex because I was not feeling well. Truth be told I was still very nervous. I held her and she started telling me about being raped as a kid and I told her it was ok and that I was raped as a kid too (referring to the gay child experience) I told her they can’t hurt us anymore and held her till she was almost asleep. I was semi aroused and I think she wanted sex but I didn’t act on it. I didn’t think it was the right time. I went home I whispered to her softly I am here for you I love you but I need to go home to sleep. She lived in a noisy Appt and I have a very hard time falling asleep. After that she started telling me about being by sexual and all these other things and it seemed like she was trying to scare me away. She was acting negative towards me. Then she asked me to come over and have sex with her. I told her I was not ready for that yet. I told her I wasn’t sure how she was feeling about me because of her wanting to go back to her ex and talk things over. I told her why don’t we try sleeping together without sleeping together and I went over to her place and I told her I get nervous when it comes to sex. I told her it’s easier for me when she is the aggressor and that I need to be touched and I suggested a blow job. She said I can’t do that with you I don’t know you that well yet. Long story shorter she broke up with me within 3 days later she’s with another guy and putting pictures of her riding this guy’s lap on Facebook so I can see them and telling people I work with about what happened when I lost my erection. I was devastated. So I started looking on pof daiting site and I came across this girl and it was fairly obvious she was an escort. I sent her a simple message(escort? ) She said yes and I started asking about her rate and stuff and then we started talking and I told her my story and she was sympothetic and understanding. I said it would be great if we could meet and it not be about money or sex and she agreed. I bought hockey tickets really good ones and she stood me up. However we still continued to talk and she agreed to see me. I got her real name and real adress and I went to see her it was agreed that this wouldn’t be about money or sex. I got there and we cuddled up and watched some TV and she started grinding against me. I was aroused but I asked her are you sure and she said yes. We started having sex and I was doing ok but I lost my erection when we changed potions(this is when I figured out I have sensitivity issues)s she was so cool about it and we just layer their and cuddled and talked. I ended up seeing her agai. And again it was not about money but there was sex and this time although I wished I would have performed better but I finished. It was one of the happiest moments of my life. I lied there holding her in my arms and laughed and even had tears of joy. I ended up seeing her one more time. I was determined to do better this time but unfortunately it got me thinking to much again and I lost it. Again she was very cool about it. (I think it an important note I performed cunnlingus on her and she came from that and pennatration I don’t think you can fake those kinds of shakes) Anyway I seen her again but she said she needed money for a babysitter and her phone bill. I said no problem. We went out and I drove her around to the tanner and out to lunch and we had a great time. We ended up having sex again this time I felt like I did great but I couldn’t finish I was exhausted but I lasted a long time. A fellow escort freind of hers came over and she wanted to go out. I was tired and I just wanted to stay at her place and cuddle. I was feeling embarrassment over not finishing and she said it was ok. She new I was tired and that I wanted to cuddle but she said you don’t understand it’s my freinds last day in town and I just want to go out with her I said ok but can I stay here and sleep she said yes I’ll be back soon. 3 am roles around and she’s not back I sent her a txt asking if she was ok. No reply. 5 am roles around and I started getting worried about her. I sent her another txt. Again no reply so I txt the only freind of hers I new told her she didn’t come home and I was worried if I didn’t here from either of them within 24 hrs I was going to call the hospitals then the police. I went home when I got up she txt ed me back and said she was ok. We started talking again and I started wanting to get serious with her. We talked about putting money in a safe to Wich she kept but I had the combination. So in that way if she decided this was something she wanted we would use the money to remodel my house for her and her son to live with me. And if not she could have the money and she helped me with my problem. She agreed to all this and new I was going to start working a lot of over time at work and start remodeling the basement. And I did I told her I wasn’t going to be able to see her for a couple weeks while I was doing all this. I started to talk about her work and how she wanted to go about who we tell and getting her visa to move and serious stuff. It’s at that point she started ignoring my txt not even reading some of them and I called her out on it. She then tells me she is in a relationship with someone else but she is still willing to see me as a client. So I figured it was not about getting along or making each other feel good but that I just was not good enough in the sack but I wasn’t sure. I was heartbroken but it was not the same as with the normal not so normal girl that caused me to talk to her in the first place. I told her if she loves this guy then she should be with him and I didn’t want to get in the way of her finding love. Although I was ok with her working while she was with me I didn’t want to be something that could potentially get I the way of her happiness. And we still talk. However I wanted to get better at sex and this worked so well I decided to see another escort and I had trouble with her my first visit too. But again she was sweet about it and unlike the first escort we had even more in common. I told her I was open to having relationship with an escort but I knew that neither of us was ready or wanting that yet and would she see me again she said yes. The second time I seen her I performed well but I finished myself. She agreed to go out with me to a dinner not about money for her time but I would pay for dinner. It was at this time I started txting to her about having an in general conversation about the topic having a relationship with an escort. I knew this was a taboo subject and I panicked when she didn’t respond after a couple days because I really wanted to see her again and I didn’t want the taboo subject to ruin things. I made a post on a escort review site defending a video she made with another guy but I also mentioned wanting to make a video of my own if she ever communicated with me again. She said to me in a private txt I would have seen you again but you making that public comment damaged her reputation. I then publicly apoligized on the site saying that in no way was any lack of communication on her part her fault. It was my fault for txting about taboo subjects and too many txt. I sent her a txt saying that I understand if she doesn’t want to see me again but that I really liked her and that she would find no shame with me. But I can not love a lie I need to know who you really are outside of work. I told her I would allow her to keep her Identity secret from me for a time but that I could not love her without knowing who she really was. Anyway she’s probably never going to txt me back and I’m ok with that. However I find myself wanting to find another relationship and sex is so much more easy and relaxing with an escort and I don’t want to get hurt with a normal girl again or hurt a normal girl because of my issues and have her loose self esteem. And escorts at least appear to be so much more secure in there femininity am I wrong to want to A. see another escort knowing a relationship is what I want and B. seek a relationships with an escort because the sex is so much more comfortable for me. And I don’t feel jelious that she has sex with other men because I know she may need more than I can provide in that area? I just want to make her feel good about making me feel good and make each other fell good in the process via acceptance and love.
My name is Becca and I found your sight while researching how to be a successful escort. The career path has crossed my mind several times, especially because I am not able to participate in the ‘normal’ work force.
I wanted to thank you for your informed and eloquent insight. I follow several call girl blogs and often their writing is exasperated, due to repeated misconceptions of sex work and conservative individuals having the audacity to try and shame them. This of course is understandable, but I was not only surprised but drawn to your writing and phrasing, along with your historical prowess.
I feel strange saying this; I am more drawn to the idea of sex work because if being informed by your writing, but I worry I am not cut out for it. I do not know if I have the emotional wherewithal, being a survivor of sexual assault, to preform as a prostitute.
Part of me feels like the act of sex work could be helpful, by reclaiming my body and being in control of all my sexual interactions. I have very little issue with setting boundaries and being confident in them.
On the other hand I feel that one wrong move and it could be more damaging than helpful.
If it isn’t too much trouble, I would like your opinion. You’re not biased to conventional discrepancies and so your opinion is really the only one that counts
i have been seeing a girl for about 3 years now it at a brothel but for the last 18 months or more I have been going her house where she lives with dad and kid I am the only she has let go to her house and we spend time together besides the day we have sex and the days we just spend she is always kissing me and holding my hand and she tells me that she loves me even yesterday she sent a text to tell and at the end of it she said luv ur girl nik and her dad really likes me we go fishing and other things but I think she might have boyfriend she said that she is single but the guy that I think her boyfriend is a real low life he is drug addict and a thief she is the one that told me that but he is always there I pick her up from work and he walks out with she said he only gets to see her in the brothel but she gets to look at her kids facebook page to see what she puts on there and that other is on telling to her that misses her and when I looked at his page there is pictures of them on there and saying he is in a relationship so I don’t know what to think when she is the telling me he is low life and that she loves me any help wold be good
Is it normal to have developed feelings for the woman i pay at the exotic massage parlor? i connect well with this woman, it feels nice to laugh with an older woman (i prefer older woman). i’m 21 she looks around 25 but she says she is 35, she is asian, but i understand the part in one of your blogs where it says woman give different names to protect themselves, so i respect that. We cuddle time to time, depending on the day but i never ask to cuddle, she chooses too. i have asked to kiss but i normally do that to develop the fire so to speak, the intense passion i want. i have given a peck on the lips but i believe a kiss is powerful so i don’t kiss any more now. I have gone to her many times, but i’m not a loyal costumer as you may say. i tend to call for an appointment and ask of she is working. if she is not working i tend to go to a different place or woman to find a similar type of intence passion which is never the case. I have read one of your other blogs and you were writing about costumers that had feelings for you and you wouldn’t see them. She has mentioned she has lovers in her personal life. after reading one of your blogs i feel like just work or a chore because i give my all but at times i feel like i’m not achieving a level as if it was her lovers. then i realized i’am me and i know i give 100% as if she is the last so thats the best i can give. I know have this desire for her and passion but if i do say something i feel like i will make it difficult on her because i’m only a client nothing more. i want to respect where she works and not leave a bad mark. i’m a type of person to say ” i like you” ( i don’t like living with regrets, thats just me). if i do tell her how i feel, i tend to get out of the radar and disappear and probably stop seeing sex workers because i know my heart won’t handle seeing another lady in a similar setting. or another option i could do is give her my number if she wants and see is she wants to hang out as friends, just purely plantonic. which is a healther option for both sides or you may suggest something else.
or should i stop going to her and making appointments if i develop more feelings? from your blog you sakd you wouldn’t see them if they got to attatched so just wonedering what would be the healthiest decision to make?
Hey so I was on my way back from vacation when I thought to call a escort for the night. I just wanted oral sex so I call a girl and she wanted 100, basically for a quick visit. I told her I was from Nebraska just passing through but I only had 80 (which I really did) because I needed to make sure I could get back to Nebraska. I told her how old I was and stuff but she didn’t reply so I told her if she didn’t want to that was fine I just wanted to have a little fun before I left. She text me back and said she wanted too but she asked if I had 90? I said I’m sorry I didn’t but finally she text back and said she would for 80. She finally comes and gives me oral for 15 minutes and she also let me play with her tits so after I thanked her and told her she did a good job and I got out of the car and started to smoke a cigarette and she asked me for one while she was driving away but when I handed her a cigarette I asked how much would it be to have sex and she told me 100. So she said 100 at first just for a quick visit now after she gave me oral sex she said she would have sex with me for 100. So my question is was she playing me?
hello! I really like your blog and all of your honest answers and heartfelt posts.
I’m looking for some advice, I been considering becoming a escort. I’ve always been a very independent girl much to my parents distress, not in like partying and being a mess, but in making up my mind and forming my own opinions witch cannot be swayed.
I had been model student in school, but when I graduated and started college my life became a mess, I was/am kind of directionless and have become very lazy as a result of most just anguish over my schooling situation. I love your blog on how much it gets down to the core, I come from a family that used to be very well off, and suddenly we are not any more, more like struggling to just buy food, and apart from life long dreams of being a business woman and creating my own company I have no way of doing this, because I have no money. As it results all the money I had lived in as a child was a lie, smoke and mirrors, and the times in my country are not the best.
I have a boyfriend who is a really sweet guy and an amazing person, but to be honest he bores me a little. I have always been attracted to danger and independence, and over all money.
I can see how someone can waste away being eaten by secrets, because by nature I have always been cagey and secretive but most of it has been to protect myself from my family in one way or another, to fight fiercely for independence, to keep myself to me. The idea of fucking men solely for the money is attractive to me, I’m not someone who likes emotional connections, I run away from them like a scared rabbit, keeping up the dutiful loving girlfriend is taxing, I care for him but I wince every time he says “I love you”, I wish I could love him back.
I am a politician’s daughter so I am well versed in the art of lying your guts out and acting whatever someone wants you/expects you to be. But I am not good girl, good daughter. I can’t connect emotional with people and I have a lust for power that is like a dementor. Since I was a little girl the only thing I’ve ever wanted to be was a business woman running a company, but I never truly did anything to get there, I am smart enough to do it. But I’ll need money to create a business.
my worst concerns are people finding out of course, my mother and step mum and ruining my father’s career. I am also incredibly scared for the future, because I seem to be going nowhere and my bank account is at zero, but I also think that it appeals to me for the trill of the strange men paying me, I’ve always felt a bit like a prey being paraded in front of salivating predators, I’ve attended social functions since puberty and witch each passing year I only became more beautiful, men have a tendency to hoover around me and try to gain my favor. It irks me that they only want to use me, that I’m powerless constrained by social graces. I think being escort will make me fell power over them, they will have to pay me, we will have a contract with clear defined rules and boundaries and no emotional attachments.
But I still want to be a business woman, based on your experience as an escort and a courtesan, do you think that if you ever encountered one of these men in different business setting, say in a company with both of you in positions of power, he will respect you?
where did u go!!?? we’re waiting for ur posts!!
Hi Please contact me through email
Hi, I find your website really enlightening. I’ve recently met a man who has an enormous penis. It’s not the length that’s the issue, it’s the girth. I was shocked at how little I could take into my mouth. I freaked when I saw the size of it, which then made it difficult for me to relax. We weren’t able to get too much of him inside my pussy. While we had fun, I’m keen to be able to take as much of him inside me as possible. I’ve never been with a man anywhere that big before and I’m really keen to see how it feels to be filled by such a monster penis. I’m going to make sure we use lots of lube when we next hook up. I’m guessing you’ve had your fair share of extremely large customers and I’m wondering if you have any tips for me. Are there any particular positions, for example, that you’ve found work best. How long will it take my pussy to get used to such a monster.
How does one self promote themselves if independent?
Hello I am interested in how you advertise in a “classy way.”
What would be a reason for an escort not to see a new client? I met the woman of my dreams and we hit it off, at least it seemed that way at first. We only hung out a few times but she never really wanted my money. We keep in touch. I offered her a plane ticket to see me and she said yes but then changed her mind. She lives in the same country as me but works in the city that i live in. I wanted to send a birthday gift to her but then she changed her mind weeks later. I miss her a lot because I think when she’s working she wants to focus completely on her job, so she doesn’t contact me. I’m in love with her. I should talk to her instead but she hasn’t responded to me in a while. I think she’s trying to focus on her career at the moment so I try and understand her. but I’m curious if you think she cares about me as a friend? In my heart, I feel she does. Even when I asked her to take me as a client, first she agreed then she changed her mind. It felt like she was trying to debate it. I don’t know why though. I never wanted sex from her. I just wanted to see how she’s doing and I would pay for her time because I know how valuable her time is. I also know that me paying for her time is also changing the dynamics of our relationship. I don’t want that but I miss her and she’s the only one for me. She never told me she was an escort. I found out in the first 5-10 min. we met. She never acted like it or dressed in that way. When I met her the first time, it was very unexpected. It was a saturday at a coffee shop and I just went up to her and we started chatting. I didn’t even see her face. I was honestly looking to just meet a girl and hookup. Anyway, she jokingly took my phone away and my hand accidentally brushed her arm really hard as I tried to get it back and I felt her warmth. I fell for her. and then we looked at each other at that moment. she told me to give me her number and she let me walk her home. I gave her a hug like we knew each other. I’ve only loved one girl my entire life — who was my soul mate. But we did not have chemistry. I believe now why her (my soul mate) and I aren’t together. because this girl who I met one night is my twin flame and i believe in my heart she’s the only one for me from all of the signs that I see. After only a few days of chatting, she told me that no one can change her but sometimes she wishes someone could. i told her i don’t want to change her but i do want to help her. What can you tell me about my relationship with her? Does it sounds like she might care about me? I asked a friend of mine at the time who is an escort and she told me to test her by offering her money. I said no, I love her and I don’t want to test her. It’s wrong to do that even if I do get hurt in the end. If it’s meant to be, then we will see. As I was texting my friend about the girl who I’m in love with, she told me that all the signs that I think I’m seeing about her being my twin flame are really not signs at all. I started to believe her. Suddenly, a man came and next to me who I had never met. He started to chat with me. He had no idea I was texting my friend about the girl I love. As I was leaving, he told me, for no reason that I can think of, to follow my heart and not my brain. Because my heart is from God. That’s what he said. And I think that’s a sign for me to hold on to this girl. All my life I’ve been searching for the one. And she’s the one. I know its crazy and I might sound like a young boy but I want to give her the world. I want to help her anyway that I can if that’s what she wants. I would be more than happy to be in a relationship with her if she continued to be a working girl, as well as provide emotional and financial support. I love her to death and she’s the only one for me. As you said something along the lines of this in your post, if I really did love her, I would want to support her financially too. I agree. I don’t value material things more than her. Being part of her life makes me truly happy and that’s why I’m starting my own business. So that both of us can live the life we’ve always wanted. I even had a serious conversation with my mom. I told her how much I love her and my mom excepts me for wanting to be an escort as well as accepting her in my life and for being an escort. My mom is the only person I can trust. Do you think I have a shot with her? She’s hiding from me at the moment because she’s too busy with her career. I don’t know the reason why but I think I might. Even before the first time we were suppose to go out, she was always very indecisive, even though it was her idea. What can I make of this? Anyway, thanks for your blog posts. They make me feel better when I miss her.
Please contact me. My wife went on to the streets as a prostitute to feed a drug addiction. I am trying to be there for her. We have three small children. She is working on her problems. I feel hurt betrayed and lost. I love her and want to understand her to help her. She says she loves me but has alot of guilt.
Hi, I’m in a state I have developed strong feelings with the sex worker (happy ending service provider). It is tearing me apart.
Your blog gave good perspective in sex work. Can you please reflect on the para below abt the client you avoided. I accept if my girl doesn’t love me or commit relationship, but cannot bear not seeing her at all. However, I cannot afford to pay her endlessly for ever. Do you have any suggestions for me on maintaining good friendly relationship without upsetting or making her uncomfortable with my affection and love.
Well, as mentioned, some men develop strong feelings for us (which can make us uncomfortable). It’s problematic when the love is one sided (he falls in love, and we just liked him as a client only). Love is an irreversible thing…I can’t just tell a man to ‘stop loving me’ and he will switch his emotions off. Sometimes these men can also interfere with our personal lives, which gets overbearing. When I was overseas, I had a devoted client who fell in love with me, and we became quite close. However, I only just saw him as a favorable regular client of mine. He became obsessive, and I had to end it. (I will talk about him in a future post). There are also issues of morality. In rare cases, it is the escort who truly likes a client, and thus she might feel uncomfortable to continue seeing him as a client (but in most cases, it’s usually the first scenario mentioned above).
Hi exoticescortdiary.com, I would like to get in touch with you for some advertising. thanks 🙂
Hey babe.. I’m a Muslim South Asian student/intern. At 22 years old I can say I have made decent money and have been leading this secret life. In NYC, everything escalates within a blink of an eye. I never thought I would end up in this industry. I really wish I can talk to you further do you mind sharing an email or something? I’d appreciate it. I read your blog every week!
I find your blog extremely interesting. You have an extraordinary talent with writing and I think you must be an amazing person.
Anyways, I just wanted to touch base with you.
Hi, I came across your blog while researching questions I have about the industry. I am interested in this line of work and was recently contacted by an agency. They are wanting me to travel once a month and stay for 3 to 4 days, travel and hotel expenses paid. I was wondering if this is relatively normal for an escort or if I will be kidnapped the minute I step off the plane?? Thanks.
I was an escort from 17-22 years old. To answer your question, yes some agencies ask you to travel, others are only the middle man (set up dates, answer your phone). But please be careful. I would link up with another female that is in this line of work so that way you can learn how things work, how to sense danger from a distance. Or become independent and work off of a website that is reputable. Be smart and remember that all money is not good money
I’m writing to you because I’m making a blog and a website about escort’s stories, experiences, etc. I’m a sociologist-blogger-journalist and I want to make a collection about true-honest interviews with escort ladies. I would really appreciate if you could answer some questions about your job and your life 🙂
Here you can find my blog:
Thank you Lilla. It is nice that you are interested in the lives of escorts. Voices of sex workers needs to be heard rather than others continuing to speak on our behalf (and skewing our realities), so I would surely be interested to participate. Please email me at escortdiaryblog (at) gmail.com
I just found this blog recently and I find your posts very interesting. I am wondering if you still write for the blog? If I am not mistaken, the most recent post I found was from 2014.
Same situation as many others in this blog… I met an escort, started going out with her and stopped paying. We are not in love but it could happen. I have sex with other women, she knows it and is fine about it. We are like good friends with all the sexiness included. She compares her life to mine, I am a musician and I’m single. I think we could fall for each other, we are starting to hang out more often. We hang sober, we know a few secrets from each other. I could ask her to stop seeing other men if I could sense that she wants that from me, but I feel like the moment I show some more feelings I will fuck up our flow. She likes all the things you like about being an escort. How did it happen in your case with your ex and your current one? How did it go from the hangin’ to the actual feelings?
Hi dear Sahar,wish you well
sorry for my long delay as you asked me to keep posting about my situation
about 5 months ago i wrote a post here about a russian escort who i deeply fell in love with.
after reading your posts the first thing that attracted my thought was being generous and helping her to be financial secure so i started buying jewelries and gifts for her, also i’ve payed her rents and bills. last month i told her about my feeling and she accepted me. of course it wasn’t easy at all to get her agreement. now our relationship is great and she loves me dearly as i am.
after that we have talked about her job and our future
as you told me she confessed that she isn’t ready for a normal relationship because she got addicted to easy money and she has 3 regular clients that she enjoy sex with the( i know people think it’s shameful but it doesn’t mind me as she isn’t a normal girl with normal experiences)
she told me being with her is not easy at all as she isn’t a ordinary girl, that she had different experiences toward men.
she said she can’t devote herself to one sexual partner now and she needs time to change her lifestyle and desires. we are so open to each other
to be honest i can control my jealousy as i had a useful experience from my ex gf ( if you remember i told you that she was an escort too)
yet i have some plans in my mind, i want to teach her business and trading after some time, maybe she likes it as she can make loads of money in my field more than escorting
also i want to build a family with her if things go well although i try to be careful and go slow
honestly it was impossible to build a trust line with her without reading your whole blog
you’re a smart and intelligent woman, you should be proud of yourself. analysing the clients, escorts, business and the relations between elements with details need educated and mature mind. your experience helped me a lot and i should appreciate you
i am from middle east like you and i raised in my original country( i’m persian), i am so close to my family and i brought up in cultural society.
i still travel to my country every 2 or 3 wekks
my family don’t know about her job but i don’t feel any pressure about that as we decided to keep it secret
i read your blog but i couldn’t find the answer of an important question:
starting a relationship is easy but how can we keep it alive?
you wrote about the problems, stigma, emotional damages from society and clients, but whats the solution for us to improve our situation?
also what can i do for her to become more stable and make this relationship stronger?
what are your thoughts about my situation?
i’m looking forward to hear from you
MANY THANKS AND REGARDS TO YOU DEAR SAHAR
****about people who like to say this relationship is shameful and try to judge us by social stigma, i don’t even care what are you thinking about us,
i don’t ashamed of her or me, i love her and do whatever i can for her***
Oh, and I should have mentioned my wife and I are separated.
Our stories are so similar. I saw an escort to save me from a marriage complete in everything but intimacy, and now I am in love. Thanks for your story. I hope for a happy ending
Ok, I really don’t where to start, as much of what I am about to share has been covered in one way or another in this terrific blog. So perhaps it is just getting something off my chest that I already know the answer to. Or even that I hope for a different answer.
I travel a lot internationally. My marriage has been a mess for some years. We have tried therapy and other things, but to no avail. I work hard to grow, modify behaviors, ask questions, initiate, etc., and my wife, who says she is satisfied, really doesn’t put much effort. We have been married for 21 years with two wonderful children, now in their late teens. I knew intuitively that we would reach this point eventually in our marriage.
Anyway, I travel quite a lot as I said. I have on multiple occasions considered calling an agency in Vienna, St. Petersburg, or other places, but never took the leap. I also had on these trips multiple opportunities for potentially great hook-ups with beautiful women. But also never acted on these impulses for a number of reasons.
But last November, while in Barcelona on business, I took the plunge. I called an agency in the city. The woman there recommended several options. She was very helpful. I told I had never done this and was very nervous. I reviewed the pictures and made a choice. She said this was a great choice.
I went that evening to a Barcelona soccer match with the plan of meeting at my hotel afterwards with the escort. At the appointed time, my hotel door rang, I opened the door and this lovely woman with incredible eyes and lips was standing there. For some reason she wasn’t what I expected, though to be honest I don’t what I expected. We chatted. Had a glass of wine. And she lead me to the bedroom of my suite. She was lovely beyond my expectations. But not like — wow incredible unbelievable. She was just a nice person who was interesting. I was very nervous and had a bit of trouble performing to be honest. I am 55 and she is 32, though advertised as 23! LOL.
To try to shorten this story a bit, in December, I invited her to New York for four days and we had a wonderful time. Walking, talking, being intimate and so on. She told me about her life, her goals, her troubles, everything. At this point I realized I was having deeper feelings than I thought. And I know this happens naturally on many occasions in the escort/client relationship.
I tried to ignore, but she and began texting and emailing and calling after her return to Barcelona. I got worried that maybe she is simply “marking” me as someone to get lots of money out of. But it became apparent that this was definitely not the case, though I wondered for sometime.
We planned to meet in Miami several weeks after NY, but we continued to text and email and Skype and it became apparent that these feelings were building and building. I suddenly packed up and went to Barcelona for two nights with her. We had the most intense two nights of passion, intimacy and love I have had or she had had in years. It was wonderful.
So the story continues. She is working on a plan to stop escorting that she began prior to meeting me. We are very much in love though I am a bit confused by this and she is as well. I think for both of us this was not an expected out come at all.
I have offered to give her what she needs financially to stop escorting – she really doesn’t like it at all, and implement her plan, but she refuses. She fears alienating the agency she is with because in Barcelona this is critical to success. And it will take some time for her to succeed.
But I have to admit that I witness some of the unstable tendencies you describe here in this blog, sudden lashing out at me for no reason, difficulty in trusting me, etc. So I am scarred, and she tells me she is scared as well.
I actually don’t care she is an escort. I have no issues with this, there are many jobs that are legal that I find far more distasteful and insidious than this. I also respect the choice she had to make to survive. I have made choices in my past out of necessity, so none of this is an issue to me. Though I am lying if say that on a Friday or Saturday night, when I know she is in a hotel room in Barcelona sucking some guys cock I don’t get jealous. Or rather upset, as he couldn’t care if this is her any other woman frankly. That hurts, but it is her job.
I don’t what I am asking here really. We love each other, she has goals and I am always attracted to independent woman. I could take care of her no problem, but she refuses. We have an ocean between us, and this seems insane to me. But I have no desire to be with anyone else.
What do we do? Yikes!!!
Thank you for giving an insight into the world’s oldest profession. Your writings are certainly thought provoking.
I read your article on leaving the profession with some dismay. I am going out with woman who is an escort you see. When we started seeing each other I knew that she had been an escort, and saw no problem. She said that she had retired. We dated for several months and then moved in together. We have decided to try for a child. Things were rather blissful. Then I discovered that actually she hadn’t actually quit but had continued to see clients. After some soul searching on both our parts we continued in the relationship with some ground rules … no over nights, no tours and no advertising. Some of this has been eroded. Our relationship has suffered but six months later we are still together. Her health, both physical and mental, is suffering. The latter from the rigours of her job or our relationship is difficult to determine. I’m not sure she knows either.
My question is can she leave? If financial considerations were removed? She seems to have an intimacy with some of her clients I find threatening. Is the thrill of this world addictive? In short should I be patient and wait or am I the most stupid mug in the world?
Hi..this is the second time I hv written and have already said tht I am a sex worker. Just wanted to say tht even though I am in the industry, I decided tht I wanted to treat myself and so, I booked myself a male escort!!!
I was so totally excited hwever, I did get a lot, not all but negative comments from my fellow workers…”can’t believe tht you wld do tht when it is wht you do!!!” or as one Madam put it..”You f…k the cunts all day and then you hv to pay for one!!!!”
My reply was, “I can get 100 men on the outside but you know wht…not one wld be able yo satisfy me..”
I got wht I wanted..I had a beautiful time bcoz I wanted to be pampered..to get a service where I knew I was going to be satified..
Loved every moment..I hv since booked him a few times…
Hv you ever paid for a male escort..?
i have just read about 5 hours worth of posts from this blog and i am amazed. Escortdiary, are you still in the business or was there a post stating that you left and i missed it? I had bookmarked this blog 2 years ago and didnt read more than half an hour then and left for another time but now i have and it is indeed interesting.
I only just stumbled upon your blog.
I was a long time customer of escorts and have only recently stopped seeing them since I realized what you explained.
I find your words very relatable.
I am a member of a few review boards and would like to share your words with them.
Some hobbyists might take offence but I hope some might come to realize what I have realized and what you put into words so eloquently.
In either case. Your writing style is amazing and I believe you could publish your insights into a book.
I know I would buy it.
Hope this message finds you well.
Thank you so kindly. I still am overdue to post my thoughts about the concept of escort reviews and the notion of ‘hobbyists.’ I welcome your thoughts in the future about why you stopped seeing escorts.
when a guy orders duo service as in she brings a friend does that mean there is girl on girl action
A Private Comment for you please, just the final musings of a ‘punter’.
I’d like to wish you a happy 2015 and also thank you. A good while back I made the mistake of reading what a famous UK feminist had to say about men who see Prostitutes and consequently got myself into a bit of a state when she compared punters to ‘silent rapists’ it had a big affect rape is a heinous crime and everything had started so well! Then I discovered your blog read your entries and saw Escorting in a different light, I understood them more over time and your entries answered most of my curiosities (I had become a bit obsessed)……. well you know I’ve written enough about it! If you pushed me to say ‘how did I help?’I’d answer with this. I realised these young women are quite happy to service men, for whatever personal reasons they’ve willingly chosen to Escort as a lifestyle their choice……… ok it’s a HELL of a lot more complicated than that, but in my case it’s true, 10 young women have been happy enough to give me unforgettable sexual experiences in exchange for a fee, I tried my best to please and be respectful and in return had happy relaxed times together lost virginity AND experienced that magic word ‘connection’ more than once.
I know a long comment for you. I’ve commented on your blog over the last 13 months, some you post some you don’t, it’s nice when you do but I don’t sit at home all annoyed saying ‘why doesn’t she post it?’Quite the contrary ExoticEscortDiary is your diary, I write from the heart (I’ve a melancholic style?) hopefully they’re relevant to an entry and it’s just nice that an Escort has read it. I can also tell you haven’t agreed with every word I’ve said but that’s fine, I’m a bit Jekyll and Hyde I know, I HAVE used women.
If there’s one thing I’ll take from my experiences it’s that rather than seeing Escorts as slutty degenerate immoral dirty whores I know my 10 Escorts to be intelligent lovely young women, not all liked me mind but they were all lovely. I don’t lie, none deceived cheated me (one came close) and along the way a couple of them I adored, there was one favourite who Escorted for the wrong reasons, her sons, she looked and was so unhappy it wasn’t for her and I knew she wouldn’t last, we talked openly honestly for an hour and I will never forget that. The rest were happy enough pleasant confident amusing, content to oblige, yes confidence is the important quality in an Escort, if she can handle asshole Clients isn’t too intense like the woman above, then is Escorting a good part time occupation?
After all that I’ve written you’re probably saying ‘why doesn’t this guy get a grip of himself, see a girl, enjoy himself, tip and leave till next time’………..and you’re probably right. But I’m a man who thinks a lot and enjoys being with these young women I think their femininity most of all and pussy!
I now visit an Establishment (lol I was mortified when you called my sort a brothel rat!) which has a glossy website and features 9 Escorts 7 of which don’t show their face, it’s clean with cosy bedroom clean fluffy towels and lovely girls. Below is an advert for one of the girls, it’ll be familiar and I’m now convinced this is where high end Prostitution confusion starts.
‘SAUCY & NAUGHTY UNI STUDENT ####### WILL BE AVAILABLE ON ###DAY THIS WEEK IN #####
####### is a stunning ###### beauty that loves to pamper & please and treat you to the most amazing passionate encounter you’ve ever had. She loves to get wild and naughty and loves to have fun. ####### has a stunning figure, 5’6” tall, a slim dress size 8 and beautiful 34C breasts. With beautiful long dark blonde hair, and amazing green eyes, ####### is very pretty. Your time spent with her will be amazing, she is a very sexy lady. ####### loves most services, OWO, CIM, Role play, French kissing, 69,GFE.
Very sensual, caring and friendly, & loves taking the lead and hearing about any fantasies you might have that you can role play. ####### takes great pleasure in creating a wonderfully relaxing and intimate atmosphere, she’s intelligent, passionate and very very horny. If you’d like to spend some time with a bubbly beauty who likes to enjoy life to the full, #######’s the lady for you.
Please call for same day booking’.
I have a print copied from a painting called ‘Night Shift’ you may guess, the painting is not much more than a young woman lying on a bed, lit by a bedside table lamp, with not much more in the bedroom and a shadowy figure leaving through a door at the back. On the bed with her are banknotes thrown at her and by the look on her face you’re left in no uncertain times that she is unhappy and I’d say her ‘dead soul’ painted face leaves you in no doubt she’s a sad Prostitute who’s just been used by the punter leaving! You could say she’s in-call (me)!
So I ask which is she? The profile on the Brothel website or the archetypal damaged Prostitute? Men are pretty dumb creatures and I have to admit I’ve fallen for the bullshit, in truth the advert should read ‘attractive young woman who will service your sexual needs but is likely to be weary and tired maybe on her Period and truth be told not overjoyed at the thought of sucking your dick, use her vagina but don’t expect her to care’.
I’m not quite sure what sort of point I’m making, society will probably say there’s more truth in the painting but after nearly two years In-call Escorting I would say more truthful is she follows him out of the bedroom, ‘plonks’ herself on the living room sofa, has something to eat, switches the satellite tv on and has a chat laugh about the‘size of his dick or weird fetishes’ all whilst waiting for the next Client. Summing up from a Clients point of view I’d say Escorts are happy to give a service in return for a good fee, it’s just an unusual job which I enjoy.
Lastly what happens next for lol the thinking man, 18 months 10 Escorts and 22 in-call visits later have changed me good and bad, I’ve had wonderful times learnt a lot and met intriguing young women along the way, but Escorting has lost it’s shine and appeal, maybe because I’d only like to meet one favourite girl again. I’m not criticising Escorting, not a lot more happens than two adults having a consensual happy time together, sex foreplay conversation fun, people read FAR to much into what can go on, stopping is because I miss a girl and finding doesn’t happen twice, she’d make Hookers smile, very clever very knowing very sweet and honest I know.
I think the overriding reason for stopping is I want need more from them, I’ve said it before I truly believe Escorts are best for married men who want variety a quick fuck no strings a change from their partner, in-fact it saddens me that a man will betroth his body to a woman, wedding vows in the sight of God but at the same time he’s fucking women behind her back, sickens me actually.
Of the 10 I’ve met ‘friendliness’ (I think unrealistic expectation) has been mixed, with just over half we clicked a couple didn’t take to me and one was a bit unfair, perhaps that’s normal averages. Even though I’ve spent a lot I don’t begrudge a penny and wouldn’t change a thing good and bad, here’s one interesting fact I’ll NEVER forget, most told me their least favourite Client was an arrogant man explains a lot.
I hope I added to your blog a little, nice to imagine a few Escorts have read my comments, no more though lol which may relieve you.
P.S. I hope you don’t think I’ve been trying to show off, I will never be a blogger, I haven’t the patience and I honestly believe no one really cares what men like me have to say anyway.
This might sound naive—but I swear the overwhelming majority of times I’ve been with an escort have been fabulous!! I would honestly say 9 out of 10 times the experience is wonderful–and I’ve been involved in the “life” for the past 15 years!! I know it’s a business–but I feel the best escorts truly enjoy giving pleasure to a man and they love sex! I cannot imagine any woman who’s in the business not enjoying it to at least SOME degree—it seems incomprehensible that a woman could totally “fake-it” day after day and be able to last very long.Now I’m not under any delusions that the women aren’t “performing”–if you will—to some level. But the real quality providers WANT you to feel good–and not strictly for business either. They take pride in being able to satisfy a man!! As has been stated on this forum in one form or another many times–we are human–and human feelings will always come into play in some form during a sexual interaction!!
Hi, I’ve read some of your posts finding them very interesting 😉
I’ve contact one escort trough Skype, we’ve the same age, she’s 23 and I’m 24. After start writing on Skype she said she was not interested in people who only looking for sex, intrigued about this I start talking with her. She told me she likes doing this job only with ones who appreciate her also for her personality not only for sex and physical appearance. She has already a job she takes dates some time because she likes do it. She’s really an interesting girl, I found her a very sensitive and nice person also different from other “no pay girls”. After saying my impression she said “you ve deserved a coffee with me”. Now what does it mean? How I should behavior with her? Is it still job or not? How can I ask this to her without offend?
Hi. Can you please give me advice?
Im in love with an escort girl (a single mother of 27) on the first time already she came into my house bit I didn’t have sex with her.
She liked me too. And she gave me her phone number and address.
However a week later when I visited her, she didn’t like it at all, she remembered me very well but seemed to have forgotten our passion.
She treated me like a stranger and now im just heart broken.
She is planning to stop in couple months. Is there a change she is trying to harden herself while she is still doing this? Meaning she may get her feelings back for me when she quits escorting?
I met a “Model” through social media about a year ago. I hired her for a promotional modeling gig for my company in March of this year. We kept in touch, became personal friends and started hanging out about two months ago. She pretty much “friend zoned” me from the start. She has a 10 year old son and we do family activities together frequently. In the last month, she revealed to me that in addition to her modeling, she also escorts. She initially insisted that she was not full service and was only “army candy” for events and parties. She had been pretty open about when she had appointments and if I wanted to go out on a particular night, she would schedule her clients around our dates. Sometimes she even books appointments over the phone in front of me. A few nights ago, I was at her place and we were drinking and having a good time. She told me that she has been a full service escort for several years. She begged me to keep it a secret and said that only two of her girlfriends know what she does. This revelation has me confused about the sincerity of our “friendship”. She invites me over frequently, cooks for me, likes to do family activities together and has introduced me to her mother. She recently invited me to spend Thanksgiving at her mother’s house and meet the rest of her family. Also, she invited me to attend a family reunion from Christmas through New Year’s out of state at her Grand Father’s house. She has stated that we will never be anything but friends, not even have casual sex. She does not like me to get touchy feely with her or even kiss her goodbye on the cheek. However, she will initiate sometimes, like if we’re watching a movie at her place, she will cuddle up with me. She calls me her “bestie, Bff” etc. I have loaned her money (she has actually paid some back) and recently asked me to co-sign for breast implants which I haven’t agreed to. I don’t know what to think or how to approach this situation anymore. I feel like I may just be a cover story and a stand-in father figure for her son. What is your opinion ?
@dapper soldier Its seems clear from your account of the story that your lady friend sincerely sees you as nothing more than a friend, even though you probably feel like you are acting a lot like a boyfriend. Often times women will draw support from guy friends if they offer it but decline to have sex with them if they are not attracted. I think the only way for you to get out of the friend zone would be to be clear that you want more and that if you don’t get it then you will stop giving all that you are giving. She might start to see you differently or maybe not. Either way at least you will have a better sense of whether there is any future with her.
Hi, another late response on ‘selfishness and laziness’. I don’t really want to argue too much. I only want to say is that selfishness and laziness doesn’t (only) lie in what a person does, but also who a person IS, and in his or her attitude towards other people. Yes, there are a great deal of lazy and selfish people, but Sahar isn’t one of them I believe. While reading through her blog, I learned she’s an intelligent, curious and open-minded person, trying to bring something useful and beautiful in this world.
Yes, lots of people will call her selfish and lazy, justified their capitalist and competitive views. Because she isn’t doing what ‘she’s supposed to do’ (such as getting a ‘normal’ job). Despite her addiction to money, her depressions, or whatever she will go through. She has a capacious heart.
I just started reading your blog and after some posts I decided to start from the very first entries to the last. I am mesmerised by your knowledge and curiosity about knowledge.
I relate to your fears and insecurities because for the last 7 years I have 2 secrets that the main stream culture would never accept and would mark me as an out cast.
One of these secrets is that I can not relax in front of a women and keep tense and because of this I can not ejaculate. I have million of women friends and I know how to seduce but I can not make any moves because it will be very embarrassing. 7 years without a girlfriend without those caresses that make the heart burn is a long time so last June I decided to visit some escorts with the hope that I will solve my problem because they won’t judge me. After all I thought it was just an economic transaction. (Reading your blog made me realise that it ain’t not). I tried with them but only one girl managed to make me cum, the others I have to help myself.
My question to you is this, is it ok if I say to an escort this that I am trying to solve my problem? I am open to suggestion and criticism and if you in the past had some clients like me who maybe opened their heart it would be grateful to share their knowledge.
A million thanks.
Thank you for sharing. Yes, it is completely okay to share your personal concerns with an escort beforehand, or upon meeting. Just make sure to find a lady who has a bit of experience and appears to be doing it on her own will — an independent escort, that is. And likewise, steer away from escorts who offer “quickies” or appear to be working with an agency. Hypothetically, I personally would welcome a client like yourself, and would try my best to let you relax and feel comfortable. In fact, many men see escorts for this reason — they are able to explore their sexuality in ways that are more difficult in conventional settings. I hope you can find a gem who will not judge you and make you feel comfortable to explore.
Prostitutes rarely prostitute themselves, unlike politicians, pop artists, cubicle workers, government officials and the sycophants who grease palms and use flattery to win favor and earn rewards.
My compliments to you for allowing these damaged souls to post their rants and misconceptions. My admiration to you for addressing and rebuking their banal and hurtful comments.
Much light, laughter, and joy to you as the earth spirals throughout the universe. Embrace the light, and dream through the darkness…
Truth shall prevail.An Escort may be purer than a saint.God knows what is inside us and we cannot fool Him
Thank you so kindly to Steven and Simi — may you be blessed for your empathy for others.
How do you know it’s love?
You know it’s love because all that I want for you is to be happy,
even if that means you find that happiness without me. It’s love
because I would just be your friend rather than lose you altogether,
no matter how much it kills me inside. It’s love because no matter
how much my heart breaks, I will always smile so that you never
see being without you causes me pain.
It’s my love and its all, and only, for you.
I am actually interested in possibly getting into the escort business. I would love to get some insight as to how to go about this from you.
I really enjoy reading your blog and I find it very useful to get a little more insight to this world. Your answers and intellectual attitude fascinates me to a high level. Not to mention your excellent writing skills, which represents a truly educated and outspoken person. I also like some of the comments left by readers. This topic truly escalates different view points and leave some people here in desperate hatred and negative feelings towards working girls. Well, it is their pity, this business has always existed and it will keep on existing until human nature does not change.
I am a high class escort, and I consider myself successful. I am happy with the amount of work I acquire and I am so grateful for the quality and high level of my clientele. My attitude towards clients is rather professional and kind. I like to be sweet to them, after all this is what they are coming to me for. Sex plays just a small part during my dates.
I am open to new views and advices, so I decided to ask you a question which is important to me.
How do you maintain your regulars as clients, and prevent them from “falling in love with you” and then try to date with you as a “normal woman”, as opposed to treating you further as an escort? I mean particularly, that after a certain point they wish to stop paying and try to “enjoy your company” for free. This has happened lately with a few clients. I believe they misinterpret my kind and loving attitude, and they start believing that I am in love with them. I try to remain consequent, and do not make exceptions, but then, they just stop booking me. Do you have any suggestion, how should I change my attitude- if I should at all- to avoid such a situation? Thank you very much for your answer, and I hope my comment and your response will be useful for other escorts as well, who might experience something similar problem.
I was looking for answers and somehow I fell on to your blog.
First of all, I am flabbergasted by your intellect and most importantly your ability to connect with the folks on this blog. After reading the blog, it has helped me in a directional way. Hopefully, sharing views this way should provide clarity into all aspects of our modern society.
The decrease of intimacy (my perception) at home with my wife led me to seek companionship with an escort. I took this path after mulling over which actions would have the least impact on my family life. From every angle, it is a selfish decision (……) and I do my best to try and compartmentalize it.
I started seeing the same woman once every three weeks. We enjoy each other’s company which extends beyond the sexual and into a semblance of a friendship.
To my surprise, I was getting a better picture of the minor flaws of my personality/behavior and also the self-realization of the need to correct them. This woman/person actually helped me (not sure knowingly or unknowingly, does it really matter) in an area that was not my primary interest of being with her. And so when 2 people interact with each for WHATEVER REASONS accompanied by respect should always yield something positive.
My own positive outcomes are:
-Emotional intimacy meter at home is on positive grounds.
-Removing another stigma out of my mind.
I follow a couple of Prostitute Blogs, one I’ve personally known and when I read comments like Frank’s I ask why are these men such hateful people? And have they truthfully ever visited an Escort? However within his comment ARE some ‘cast iron’ truths ‘would either party entertain without money’ and ‘would I visit if I could find someone?’ The first NO and the second NO, meeting an Escort IS a transaction, simple!
Also there ‘IS’ and ‘CAN BE’ warmth and honesty with an Escort it all depends on how you treat another human being. Perhaps he reads to much as to what goes on between Escort and Client, brother it’s nothing more than handing over an envelope, laying on a bed naked with a naked woman and having fun together whatever that may BE! And if you really do click being good at oral helps. So chill my friend I’ll say it again, not a lot more happens than relaxing sexy enjoyable fun where if you understand the rules and boundaries and are lucky then Escorting will be as exciting as you want it to be, pure FANTASY.
Finally he IS being incredibly naive and stupid if he thinks Escorts are losers, they are some of the most streetwise, all-knowing, confident, intelligent women I’ve ever met, they understand the man more than he knows himself of that I AM sure, but he’s got one thing write Clients are the losers.
Lol I’m not going to bother answering ‘how hard is it to lie on your back and receive a massage?’ Selected and out of context.
I AGREE they are some of the most streetwise, all-knowing, confident, intelligent women I’ve ever met, but they are losers because they have chosen a life of secrecy and a position of social alienation and for that reason cannot fully participate in relationships outside of the industry as they can never reveal their true selves, and they must live a lie to people and cannot develop relationships without revealing themselves which often ends disastrously. So life passes them by, people pass them by, and they cannot participate fully in life as they live shrouded in secrets and that is not a path to happiness
You are here a lot, you love expressing your opinion about escorts, which are often negative. I just don’t understand why you are wasting your time and energy on this blog? You keep elaborating your hard feelings, you keep saying we are losers, and we cannot lead a healthy and fulfilling life.
How many escorts do you know personally and how many do you know closely? You keep emphasizing the fact that all escorts are lazy and selfish. What makes you think this and claim it so firmly?
Why do you think people needs friends? Let me tell you one thing: if you can count on one hand your friends on your death bed, then you had a lot of them. There is no such a thing as friendship! People will always want something from you, they will envy you if you have a better car, better paying job, higher social level. You keep saying that we are living in a denial, and we are outcasted from society. We only hang out with fellow escorts and clients. True. But why is this bad? We hang out with them, because our lifestyle is common and our views are similar. There are other social groups and nations that are explicitly mixing with their own breed. Look at orthodox jews. In my house there are many of them. They hardly greet others in the neighborhood. They live between them, folioing their own beliefs and traditions. Why you don’t go an harass them with your judgmental, narrow minded attitude??? I only with people like you could become more open and lose this bitter rigidness that surrounds every single thought of yours.
I wish you a happy and bright day!
Just to make clear, this poster “Frank” has posted before in this blog, telling about his own experience of dating an escort and expressing his frustrations with her lifestyle. He also used different usernames “Jean Paul” (under the same IP address). It’s evident his own failures with an escort (or escorts) are painting his hateful generalizations. It’s quite tragic how certain people deal with hardship — rather than learning and trying to understand the particular circumstances of that relationship, he’s a classic example of one who generalizes an entire group of people based on his own jaded coincidental experiences. Quite honestly, I am not surprised at his mentality, because sweeping generalizations of entire groups of people is, unfortunately, quite common.
On the contrary, I was a very good client caring giving generous. To the point where girls would trust me and share with me and open their hearts and doors to me and their lives. I am not betraying you. Just stating truths. For you to repeat again the fact that historically the profession was held in high regard is like suggesting that the doctors of the Middle Ages should still be highly regarded for their barbaric bloodletting techniques. This is the modern age, there are so many opportunities available for alternate incomes but supply and demand will always spur the business. Cocks need warm holes. Women have holes…. And it’s interesting that you choose to make a personal attack on me rather than elaborate on why my comments are untrue in your opinion. It’s typical of those who are threatened.
Which further proves my point… She is selfish. And quite simply, due to her life choice beyond the reach of love. Get out of the bottom of the barrel dude and know that if you can connect with a woman’s mind you’ll have the best most kinky no holds barred sex ever. But it’s unlikely you will connect with a hooker ever on a connection that will satisfy because unless you are the type that enjoys knowing your woman is sharing her holes, it’s doomed. Sharing her holes with others is fine if you are present and part of the deal, but when she has no choice in the matter and some smelly overweight is smothering her while you are elsewhere, there must be pause for concern on your part. And even if you have a ton of money, these girls are addicted to the feeling of autonomy and power that they hold over men so they will never give it up. Cause they are lazy and selfish.
Your mentality is actually quite tragic and amusing at the same time. Isn’t it lovely how you just reduce a very diverse population of people into such simplistic, narrow-minded terms? It’s clear your own failures to connect with certain women is painting the tone of your posts. The very fact you can overlook the terrible hardships faced by many people involved in this work (both escorts and clients) shows you are a person with ZERO empathy. Your posts tell nothing of women whom offer their bodies for money, but rather tell my readers about what a heartless, ignorant mentality you have.
PS Trust me on this one… I fucked hookers for 35 years, I have worked with hookers as their partner in threesomes, I have lived with hookers, i have loved hookers, and I know what I speak of.
Right, and you are probably one of those unbearable clients that no escort can stand. Look at your attitude. No woman would want to open and be warm with a person with your sick mentality. Your attitude is very typical of someone who never reflects on their own behavior and instead blames all escorts as “selfish” and “lazy” because you fail at establishing any meaningful connection with them. I hope you start to question your attitude one day.
There are people that aren’t worth to be loved and there are others that love isn’t the right word to express your feelings towards them…..The girl I love is an example of the second category. She’s smart, sensitive, decent, beautiful from inside and outside….She’s simply a different creature….Love isn’t just enough for her, because simply this word has been said over the years millions of times to millions of normal women than don’t have any of the qualities or blessings that she possesses…………..God bless her heart, protect her from all evil, and guide her to the straight path……Amen
God this forun is truly depressing. Women with aspirations of what I don’t know… Men led by their cocks and loneliness… It’s the basest collection of desperation and unjustified reasonings that I have ever read. Find yourself a woman love her treat her well and she will return the same. Those who offer their holes for rent and those who fill them are merely living at the bottom of the barrel and there must be a bottom of the barrel in order for it to be filled. So if you choose to remain at the bottom accept it and admit it , that your life has no social consequence nor meaning and that you are struggling.
Frank, you don’t choose the woman you love, it just happens. In my case, I loved an escort, and she turned out to be the best person I’ve ever met in my life. The fact that she sells her body doesn’t make her a bad person. I did everything I could to make her love me, but unfortunately I wasn’t good enough for her…..she definetly deserves better than me.
Clearly you are quite ignorant by expressions you have made. You don’t even question why certain professions have been constructed as “degrading” or at the “bottom of the barrel” whilst in other historical contexts the same professions were held with great status. Please stop flooding my blog with your warped, heartless comments.
I am a wife who wants to spice up my sex life. Can you guide me on how to be like an escort for my man and opening myself up for new experiences.
Teri meri, meri teri prem kahani hai mushqil
Do lafzoon mein yeh bayaan na ho paaye
Ik ladka ik ladki ki yeh kahani hai nayi
Do lafzoon mein yeh bayaan na ho paaye
Tumse dil jo lagaya toh jahaan maine paaya
Kabhi socha na tha yun meelon door hoga saaya
Kyun khuda tune mujhe aisa khwaab dikhaya
Jab haqiqat mein usey todna tha
Ik dooje se huye judaa, jab ik dooje ke liye bane
Teri meri, meri teri prem kahani hai mushqil
Do lafzon mein yeh Bayaan na ho paaye
Teri meri baaton ka har lamha
Sab se anjaana, do lafzoon mein yeh
Bayaan na ho paaye
Har ehsaas mein tu hai
Har ik yaad mein tera afsaana
Do lafzon mein yeh bayaan na ho paaye
Sara din bit jaaye, Saari raat jagaye
Bas khayal tumhara lamha lamha tadpaye
Yeh tadap keh rahi hai mit jaaye faasle
Yeh Tere mere darmayaan hai Jo saare
Ik dooje se huey juda Jab ik dooje ke liye bane
Teri meri baaton ka har lamha Sab se anjaana
Do lafzon mein yeh Bayaan na ho paaye
Har ehsaas mein tu hai har ik yaad mein tera afsaana
Do lafzon mein yeh bayaan na ho paaye
Teri meri, meri teri prem kahani hai mushqil
Do lafzon mein yeh bayaan na ho paaye
Dear Sahar, where are you? I sent you a mail but you don’t reply. Hope everything is well.
You were my everything;
Now you’re gone.
I don’t have the strength
To carry on.
Skies always seemed sunny
When you were here;
Now there’s nothing but gloom
In my atmosphere.
I loved you so much;
You were all I had;
Now my whole world
Is depressing and sad.
I’d like to start feeling
Other than blue,
But you were my everything,
What can I do?
Lazy. Laziness is the over riding reason why escorts who have met with a degree of monetary success keep on working. Laziness and selfishness. But they all find ways to justify the reason they keep on working. Helping humanity, touching others lives, giving back to society, providing a useful service to society, and a myriad of other claptrap. This is a condition of the human mind that allows us to survive and adapt to terrible circumstances which we either construct or which are beyond our control. For example Holocaust prisoners accepting their reality as normal in order to survive, kidnap victims altering their perspective on their captors (the Stockholm syndrome), and the author of this blog swimming in academic justifications in order to indemnify her mind against choices. Without these girls we would have nowhere to bust a nut when we need to, so whatever story you need to tell in order to keep on working, Think it, tell it, profit and keep the door open!
Response to Jean Paul:
I believe in free speech and freedom of expression so the above comment is fine but I fervently disagree.
That ‘LAZY’ accusation annoys me!
‘Escorts work because they’re lazy and selfish!’
, where’s the facts or at least a personal experience to back it up? I never give an opinion on something unless I could back it up. In my experience the nine Escorts I’ve seen have worked bloody hard giving me an enjoyable happy time, seeing me go home with a kiss and a smile and maybe that’s because I’ve been respectful and treated them as the nice young women they are, perhaps they Escort because bookings can be fun or at least interesting and it’s a Clients fault if he gets a bad one.
For the last eighteen months I’ve seen them work VERY hard at both conversation and services (two were indifferent but maybe that’s because I’m bald and middle aged?) However if you meant working on ‘her back’ is lazy because she doesn’t ‘go find a real job’ then that’s a different argument. I’d say reasons for her Escorting aren’t ‘lazy’ but personal to each, financially rewarding, having NO boss, working THEIR own hours and own conditions, choosing who they want to see, what they want to do (don’t ever believe the Client is in control, oh no!) and I’d imagine meeting different men COULD be mentally stimulating and a challenge more say than pushing a pen. However a qualification I’m not naive, no I’ve seen melancholy weariness told of the odd bad experience and know it’s not an easy job also I KNOW some would like to finish one day. Btw don’t label me with having altaria motives for being ‘so nice’, I massage her back give her oral and ask for HR because that makes ME happy but I’d take each out for dinner if I could,
Selfish? I have NO idea where he got that one from?
Truly though how hard is it to lie on your back and receive a massage? How difficult is it to open your legs? These are girls with holes for rent. Who suffer social stigma and alienation. Who find it easier to market their open holes and wait around the apartment for calls rather than find something useful to do and contribute more to society rather than satisfying throbbing penises on a daily basis. So for that reason they are selfish and lazy. They would far rather suffer the social alienation they must live than get out the door and make their mark. And I have known many very smart girls who simply are trapped because they are simply lazy and trapped by the ease of it all, and because they are lazy they are selfish. Too themselves. And others. Who can tespect that? It hurts them ultimately and only serves the lonely man who needs an itch scratched, which could be a release or could be a conversation which they are not able to construct without paying for it. Losers… Both parties. But both parties justify the transaction as fruitful and satisfying which is where the personal deceit is evident. Given a choice, would either party really entertain the transaction? If the guy could get what he needed without paying for it? And if the girls would get off her ass and make money instead of renting the most intimate parts of her body to a stranger she would not normally have chosen for a sexual partner? All girls will say they always find something beautiful in each strange man they meet, but that is again the mind deceiving themselves for survival. It has going on for centuries and will continue but as I stated, there does need to be those that inhabit the bottom of the barrel in order for there to be those at the top. So live at the bottom or strive harder. There is a reason social stigma is associated with prostitution and clients… It’s because they are at the bottom of the barrel!
Thank you for sharing that. Those whom connect with escorts are men who have a great deal of empathy, who can see us beyond simplistic reductions and stereotypes.
@ Jean Paul
I’m very sorry to hear that you have such a mentality and how you’ve internalized the dominant norms of a capitalist, modern ideology (ie: working hard is good, a leisurely lifestyle is bad, selling sex is morally bad, etc). No point to elaborate further with a person who cannot question their own paradigm of thought.
Thank you for speaking up about your experience as a courtesan. It is only when sex workers speak up for themselves that the public will begin to understand that those in the sex trades are people just like you and me.
Very true. Silence on certain populations is often political — when their voices are silenced, then it’s easy to leave them neglected, ignored, and rejected.
hello dear. sorry for my bad english
please help me, i need your advise. i had girfriend who was an high paid escort. she was 25 russian escort and i met her as a client in moscow. she was beatiful and smart. i was 21 and started to became her regular. i had feeling for her and after 5 month i invited her to a date and she accepted. we fell in love with each other. i didn’t have problem with her job and she always appreciated me for my supports.we wanted to get married but we discovered she had cancer.after 8 hard month she died. after that i became desperate for some years and couldn’t handel it. i started to see psychiatrist and it helped me alot. it was for 7 years before and now i am 28 years old successful business man and rich.i saw many girl but i didn’t have feeling for them. now i see another high class russian escort in london for 4 month.she is the first girl i had sex after my girldfriend. in these 4 month we had 3 travel to other countries .in each travel i booked her for 2 weeks. i feel i got depended to her and i love her. i don’t know what should i do? i don’t know she has feeling for me or not? i don’t know how can i catch her trust? my stress started again and it going to make my life harder. i know the industry and trusting a client is hard for escorts. please give me advise
Sorry to hear about your situation. I don’t know how to advise you because I don’t know much about this lady you are seeing. In any event, be mindful that a relationship with an escort can be very difficult because a man has to accept that she will likely not give up her autonomy and work (even if you are supporting her). Anyway, keep us updated and best of luck
Thank you dear sahar for your reply
its a hard situation, days pass one after another but silence kills me, tow weeks ago we traveled to monaco because she told me she like to see this place. in fact i arranged it for her happiness , not exactly for my pleasure
she doesn’t have bf and she live alone like me. i don’t have any problem with her lifestyle or job, i’m not jealous type cos i learned it before.i don’t want her to give up her job, beside this i can support her financially.
her feeling is much more important for me than her body.
she always praised me for my appearance and success in job, we talked about each other alot, we don’t have much age gap just tow years.i taught i was stronger than this but i feel a big weekness in myself.
know it is about a year that we know each other and i can’t pass my feeling.
i want to talk about my feeling but still fear about rejection.
i don’t know how to start a conversation about it or how to show it.
i want to ask you, as an escort what is important for a client to ask a working girl about date and is there any thing that i should pay attention?
is there anything i can do for her trust?
i just don’t want to lose her
i will appreciate for your help
I have thought a lot about getting into this profession. I am an ambitious woman and sex is an art form for me. There are just few things I would like to ask you but I am not comfortable asking them over here. Would you mind mailing me back, so I can clarify my doubts? I apologize for the inconvenience and thanks a lot you are really an inspiration. 🙂
im a certified pussy lover 🙂
how often do you meet guys like me?
what advice do you think will be helpful for someone with my tastes?
I am a fan of your blog and find it incredibly well-spoken and enlightening. I am a freelance writer with experience in writing on sensitive topics, and am working on a feature piece about students in the escort industry, and how they should not be discriminated against when seeking employment in different career areas.
If you are open to a phone interview or anonymous skype interview, I would greatly appreciate your perspective and time. Please email me if this is something you would be open to.
i read alot of ur posts and i would like your answer on this question should people who hire escorts feel bad about them selves ?
Are you available to be interviewed? We are making a doc on the escort industry in the Middle East….would love to hear your insights.
Hi, I’m looking into becoming an escort in london, but I don’t want to work with an agency. I’m looking for middle eastern men from the gulf. But I don’t know who to get to them. If you could help me, thank you.
hi I have been seeing a girl at first at a brothel we get along great I have fallen in love with her she has said she loves me as a best friend but now she says I love you she stills work at a brothel for 4-5 hours one day a week but I go to her house were she lives with her dad and kid she is quitting soon she has told me about how is going to make money when quits she is just waiting for it to get a bit bigger but she has never said that we are going be together but we go out to lunch and go shopping together it is different days to when I see her for sex when we go out we hold hands kiss its like we are a couple she lives in a small town we see some of friends but I just don’t know what we are I am a bit shy never been real good at picking up on what girls want but where she lives with her dad he doesn’t let any one at their house but he lets me so I was thinking she had to told he something for him to be ok with me going there he even said if I need a job he owns his business she tells me everything I know her real name where her mum lives what school her kid goes to even somedays when we go out her kid comes with us she even said about us going away together for xmas with me being a bit shy I just don’t know what to do I really love any advice you could give me would good sorry if its a bit long
Great website. You offer a lot of good insight on several topics. Your post on how colonialism effected courtesans and also the South Asian culture was very enlightening. I’m also intrigued by how you were able to cultivate a relationship with two of your “clients” beyond a business relationship. I just want clarification on a few things so that I understand your views. 1) do you condone or approve of a courtesan and a client having a relationship if both are committed to it for the right reasons? Meaning that it’s based on feelings that transcend above financial and emotional security. Like you mentioned that chemistry that can’t be explained once the physical and financial attractiveness are an afterthought. 2) if you are in that relationship, is it sustainable? Not just for you but in your opinion, in general, is this kind of relationship sustainable to a point you can spend the rest of your life with each other? 3) for you and the Sheik, is it only the political factor the reason you aren’t fully retired and taking the next step with this man? If not, can you explain further what the other challenges are? 4) How did your lovers respond to you still seeing certain clients?- supportive, understanding or grudgingly accepted that fact? 5) Eleven Minutes by Paulo Coelho, have you read it? If so your thoughts on it?
Love poses one of the greatest challenges for a client and the courtesan (escort/prostitute). She often can’t leave her lifestyle behind, and he cannot accept her being with other men. I have been supported by men where I don’t need to work anymore, and yet I still couldn’t give up my lifestyle. Difficult situation. Only time will tell ….
I hope people stealing your Diary entries (Copyright) so eloquent and useful to so many isn’t the reason why you’ve stopped writing 😦 ‘Plagiarism’ a despicable Internet crime, those ‘bloggers and I use the term loosely!’ should be ashamed of themselves.
I have never come across so much true and honest insight depiction of escort feelings and her life. Wonderful and my due regards for your blog.
I have seen few escorts and my experience with them was it was more or less all are mechanical (but there is also different level, as you mentioned some of them so pretty it doesn’t matter, but few of them are rude, some give fake Mouning which completely turns me off. But first time I met some one who has started being intimate with me say from 4th visit, I was surprised to see a bliss on her face when I saw after long gap on 4th visit (that day was beginning of her making me special as she did not check for money and was more keen on time with me and she was no more escort for me from there , and now Iam seeing her only. But she don’t like to talk, possibly afraid of exchange personal info or get more involved on personal grounds. But we and our bodies respond without much talk so it’s ok for me. But I was trying to think what’s going in her mind, why she is different all of other girls whom I have seen before ( some of them repeatedly ), but after reading your blog many things are clear to me.
Thank you again.
To answer you question… why is this girl different from others? It’s called the beauty of chemistry. Best wishes and thank you for commenting
I really enjoyed reading your blog. You are very honest and open and offered a lot of insight into the world of escort service. I’m very curious about this industry and I’m considering going into it professionally. I was born in India but grew up in the United states most of my life. Currently I am a cam model so I only please clients through the virtual world. I started out very conservative and shy but the more I worked on this site the more I learned to open myself up sexually. I’m so much more confident about sex, pleasing men and finding a balance between a normal life and a secret life. I was curious how you started in the escort industry. Did you join an agency or did you always work independently? Building a clientele to be a high end escort seems difficult to do on your own. Can you offer any advise on what is considered a good way to join the industry?
Thank you so much for sharing your experience and knowledge!
I hope you don’t venture into escorting, because it is far more degraded than when I started many years ago. I started before the popularity of online advertising and inflation of women selling themselves. I personally don’t think escorting is very lucrative anymore for new escorts, because there is a trend of increasing neglect of standards. I started in a high-end brothel that was owned by a madame who made sure we (escorts) maintained safe, high-standards — and we were prepped to see good, respectful clients only. Sadly, those standards no longer exist in high-end agencies or brothels. These days, most owners care about cashing-in rather than protecting the well-being of the escorts they employ. I have been able to maintain the standards I started with years ago, but my situation is definitely in the minority of escorts. A new escort can potentially avoid the degradation, but it requires an investment to establish yourself as an independent courtesan. For one, you need nice settings. And beyond that, you also need a genuine desire to be playful with men and a good attitude. Respectful, wholesome clients are a minority, so having regular clients is essential to maintaining your standards. Unless that describes you and your situation, then I don’t suggest getting into this work. Best of luck and please keep us updated.
Would you divulge more information about Escorts going on tour. I know “they leave home to increase income streams.” When booked through an agency they are usually “contracted” for 2 weeks or maybe even longer, say 90 days. For the longer term how does the escort maintain their clientele from their home base? What other motives come into play when booking outside of their home base?
Sorry, but I cannot answer your question because I personally have never been an escort who tours. But I know what you are talking about. It’s my understanding that women who “tour” are professional full-time escorts, so they are touring to seek more bookings. I did know some escorts who used to “tour” to small towns because they weren’t getting much work in their own city. But surely that’s not the case for all, of course. I am sure many women are also traveling to different places for their own leisure, and find it beneficial (even fun) to work in a new city whilst they are vacationing.
Hope that helps, Sahar
I really enjoy your blog . However, I have questions that I need answers too. A little bit about me, I am married and I have stability in my life but, made bad desions in the past and cost me having a felony and 8 years of of probation. I have to work 5times harder to get a job. And am still low in cash. I have school loans to pay. So, I want to go into the business until am zero in debt. But, I’d like to know. How do you manage your cash without attracting to much attention to yourself(IRS, Family) since it’s a cash business. 2. What type of clothes are a must to always have? Shoes, dress and even make up? And last question what types of ??’s to as the escort agencies when shopping for one to work for?
Thank you, sincerely, Letty
I am not sure where you live, so I’m not sure about the regulations for taxation. If you want to make your income from escorting become “legitimate,” there are ways. Some escorts get small business licenses and say they are self-employed entertainers, caregivers, etc. And then they claim their income and pay taxes accordingly. That’s one way, and you can google other ways depending on which country you are in.
Hope that helps,
Have just finished reading your blog, Sahar, from 5th January 2011 to 14th April 2014 post. My first impressions were only confirmed. A talented woman you are. You could be a very good writer, scholar, actress, journalist, columnist. You ARE a fabulous blogger. I think there might be people among your clients or acquaintances who could teach you a trade which would allow you to earn not less than you’re earning with your current occupaiton – business, investing, writing or anything else. You would excel in any of them.
I hope you’re finding peace and bliss during this Summer, a season fraught with ire, conflict and sadness in regions ruled by humankind.
With ardor, candor and charm, may you unleash your passions and gifts to illuminate, to enchant, to awaken all those whom you respect, admire and love.
Take care with thy glances; such beauteous molecules can spark wars in a thousand and one hearts…and magic and rhythm in that one worthy heart…
Some remarkable insight with tremendous integrity. Thanks for sharing your reality. I personally tend to view someone like yourself as an entrepreneur rather than a ‘prostitute.’ Again I think the underlying reasons/ motives are important here. Some ‘prostitutes’ would be better described as entrepreneurs and some entrepreneurs as prostitutes.
hi dear we are awaiting your new updates!!!! so excited because u really have changed my views on many things including capitalism, relationships and family
If I could have just one wish,
I would wish to wake up everyday
to the sound of your breath on my neck,
the warmth of your lips on my cheek,
the touch of your fingers on my skin,
and the feel of your heart beating with mine…
Knowing that I could never find that feeling
with anyone other than you.
Such soulful, touching, sincere, and wholehearted posts you write. It is a rare pleasure to discover such a many-sided and gifted personality behind those lines. You have a rich inner world, your intellect is amazing, your morals are high (I beg you not to take it for teasing!!!!), your body must be not so distant from the divine perfection, judging by your experience and profession. I am amazed by how you soberly describe your occupation, without trying to justify yourself, and without false humility at the same time. You clearly see where you are, and you are open to search for answers to the questions that arise before you.
I’ll shortly tell who I am, and share my own occupation, that is much worse than yours. I am a married man in my late 20s-early30s (sorry for the anomynity), I have got two daughters and a wife who is the first and the only person I have made love to, we’ve never had any serious regrets or complains about our sexual life. All the people who know me or who get acquainted with me never think about what my job is. I was very reluctant to accept it, I hated it for some 4 years, and I still seek for opportunities to quit it. I took to this job when I was broke and had no money to pay the rent, when I was in debts, and there were no other job offers.
I am a writer at a dating agency from Eastern Europe. You might know what dating agencies are, if not, it is easy to find lots of info about them on the Internet. I write letters under the guise of three ladies, they are real people, who are registered on a famous dating site in hope for some extra earnings – presents, gifts, and money transfers from overseas. I also write from a “personal” email of one of these ladies, and from time to time she receives money transfers which we share on 50/50 basis. She never even meets with men, she met with a couple of them, without any purpose other than “have a walk” through malls and supermarkets and then disappear. There is no sex, even, innocent romanticism involved altogether. We have worked for some time, received good transfers from men who have never even seen her in person. She is married and has a daughter, she also doesn’t seem to have cheated on her husband. She is very happy about receiving money from abroad without any significant effort, although she sometimes shares her remorse abouts such an income. I get commission from letters on the sites, plus earnings from “individual correspontence”. I have not been able to find a job that would bring me equal income, and I can’t allow switching to another – less profitable – occupation.
During these years I learned a lot about men, despite being a man myself. First I judged myself, then I judged the foreign men, then girls on the sites, then judged everybody, later I came to the point that I don’t judge anybody. Writing letters under a woman’s guise may sound weird, but I usually make a trick, imagining myself similar to Rousseau, or Pushkin, or Machado de Assis or any other writer who wrote female letters in their novels and stories. After some letters, some men may get really crazy and sent sums as high as $15,000, or $20,000, maybe it is because of my writing skills, or the girl’s photos or combination of both. During my career I found that virtually all of Western men search for attention, they wish to share their everyday events and interests, they are escaping neglect, they like when they see somebody care about them, although they be some 5,000 mile away. Oftentimes, there is no romanticism in letters altogether, and we just communicate about literature, stock exchanges, politics etc. I don’t like writing erotic letters, but I have a “kit” of some 20 porn letters, that have extracted certain sums of money from the men inclined to such a “vice”. I sent them to different lovers of porn, and they had the same reaction. However, I most often do without them. Where else Western men will be always replied, where else will they get compliments, and interest for their life?
In the depth of my consciousness, I hate my occupation, it is VERY dishonest, although it provides for living for two families in Eastern Europe. At the same time, I haven’t found another job that would at least be equal to this one in financial terms. Those who lived through poverty know what it is, I guess it is basically the same in all the countries. Plus I have free schedule, I keep my family as far from this business as possible, and don’t talk about it too much, my “business” partner does the same. To other people, I am a freelancer.
I came to conclusion that however bad a role we might receive from our destiny, we should try to excel in it, we don’t always have a free choice, and we are not always deprived of possibility to change our life either. “To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven”, writes Ecclesiastes in Bible, and whenever we clearly see that we are given a real choice by destiny we should take it, and change our lives for better. If we, however, try to do it prematurely, we will only aggravate our situation, and even destroy our life.
In sum, Sahar. You are much more moral than me, although I have never had sex with a woman other than my wife. Whatever you further life may be, I’m sure you’ll make the best choice.
Hello this is a difficult question to ask as I know a client escort relationship is just that. I saw a escort who I had date with which went several hours longer than scheduled where we just hung out and talked about life and our experiences and even a bit about our personal life’s. No extra charge was incurred for this time. She was really cool and enjoyed talking with her. I just want advice as I want to be friends as I enjoyed the time after when we just talked.
i have followed your blog and even wrote to you once and i was thinking of becoming an escort( about 2 years ago maybe), you replied and it was something along the lines of look into other possibilities for money instead of an escort which i did! i graduated from university, and got a full time job. However it is so hard to get a well paid job.
i live with my mum and we have a horrible relationship, i am muslim and mixed ethnicity, my mother white and dad pakistani, i havent seen my dad for over a year he has been in pakistan.
i get no financial help from anyone and i am sick of having the threat of being thrown out from my mother. i think i’m ready to be an escort, however the agencies i’ve looked at do not seem to appeal to me, i’m so nervous about starting, what if i dont make money, what if the clients do not find me attractive, what if the agency take advantage of me, what if someone finds out, do i escort in the same city i live in?
all these worries and questions buzzing around my head, but i’ve made the decision to do it, i NEED my own house and space i just cannot afford that with my current job.
could i have some advice please?
you are a beautiful and honest woman xx
Hello Zee.. How are you doing? First of all, sorry to interrupt in your personal matter. thought necessary, that is why decided to probe. No doubt, your problem is a genuine one, but as they say” Look before you leap”. By becoming an escort you will unnecessarily expose yourself to a harsh environment. Then you have to think about your family also. There are other ways to tackle this problem. You can marry someone from your community and together the two of you can take some decent job. Or you can practice something depending on your educational qualification. There is Allah to look after you and your beloved ones. Have faith in HIM, HE IS THE ALMIGHTY!!
See, please do not misunderstand me. I am not against you becoming an escort. But somehow I feel this is a risky profession. You may do as you please. But please before doing anything always weigh the deeds and their consequences. I am ready to be your friend,guide and philosopher. You can share your personal matters with me without any fear and hesitation. I shall be ever ready to guide you and help you. My email id is: firstname.lastname@example.org
May Allah give you the inner strength to choose the right! Ameen!!
(P.S. Please ignore this if you feel I am not the right person to talk to you.)
Hello my name I am an author of a book called Masquerade. I am doing an interview of why people choose to be an escort. The book I wrote focus on the financial struggles of two characters and their choices of becoming an escort and the complication comes with the profession. If someone willing to help me with an online interview will be a great help.
You can check out the book at Amazon.com
I was wondering how to become a high-class escort. I have been thinking it over for years and was wondering how to get into the business as well as discretion. I don’t want to be walking around shunned or possibly even true love pass on me because of my occupation.
هل عندك شكٌ أنك أحلى امرأةٍ في الدنيا؟.
وأهم امرأةٍ في الدنيا ؟.
هل عندك شك أني حين عثرت عليك . .
ملكت مفاتيح الدنيا ؟.
هل عندك شك أني حين لمست يديك
تغير تكوين الدنيا ؟
هل عندك شك أن دخولك في قلبي
هو أعظم يومٍ في التاريخ . .
وأجمل خبرٍ في الدنيا ؟
هل عندك شكٌ في من أنت ؟
يا من تحتل بعينيها أجزاء الوقت
يا امرأةً تكسر ، حين تمر ، جدار الصوت
لا أدري ماذا يحدث لي ؟
فكأنك أنثاي الأولى
وكأني قبلك ما أحببت
وكأني ما مارست الحب . . ولا قَبَّلْت ولا قُبِّلْت
ميلادي أنت .. وقبلك لا أتذكر أني كنت
وغطائي أنت .. وقبل حنانك لا أتذكر أني عشت . .
وكأني أيتها الملكه . .
من بطنك كالعصفور خرجت . .
هل عندك شكٌ أنك جزءٌ من ذاتي
وبأني من عينيك سرقت النار. .
وقمت بأخطر ثوراتي
أيتها الوردة .. والياقوتة .. والريحانة ..
والشرعية بين جميع الملكات . .
يا سمكاً يسبح في ماء حياتي
يا قمراً يطلع كل مساءٍ من نافذة الكلمات . .
يا أعظم فتحٍ بين جميع فتوحاتي
يا آخر وطنٍ أولد فيه . .
وأدفن فيه ..
وأنشر فيه كتاباتي . .
To my own sacred prostitute:
I am aching to be wrapped up in your body, your smells, your sounds, your dance,
to be re-connected to that mysterious source
that I have spent so many years seeking-
shadows, mirages, fleeting moments of it, for sure-
but never finding reduced me
to hoping that there was more somewhere and in some One
inevitably, after long, lost years,
doubt about the possibility of you crept in
like water turning to ice in Winter and cracking a rock.
that first look
that first laugh
that first touch
that first kiss
that first glimpse of your naked body
that first taste…
at the perfect moment,
that first act of a love supreme
Confirmed to me
that what I had been dreaming my whole life-
a kindred spirit wrapped in a beautiful body-was
I have recently discovered that my gf has turned back to being an escort and she says that’s it’s for te money. She has a very rough background with past sexual abuse and asshole bfs. I am actually the first persons who has tried to help her in life. When I met her she was working a real job and I had got her other jobs trough out our relationship. Some bad events happened and she was pushed back into escorting. I have since tried to understand and accept her for this. My question are this…
1. She tells me that she feels nothing being with these guys. And often is looking for what I give her. But she gets nothing. Is she lying to me? She must be experiencing some pleasure from this?
2. If she is having sex with such a variety of men, (small and large) then would the feeling of sex with me become less when we see eAchother again? I know I only at the average scale of size but now I fear that she won’t feel me as much as her larger clients. Will this make sex less enjoyable for us?
Thanks for ur time
Hey babes.. I am a great admirer and a regular reader of your blog. I do not have any girlfriends, maybe because I am an introvert. But I am dying to have sex.. I do not masturbate but have many sexual fantasies such as oral sex. I regularly fantasise about sucking huge breasts and asses.. now how to divert my mind from all such dirty stuff.. I am getting restless by each passing day thinking about all these.. Should I visit an escort? Will she satisfy my mental sexual needs? Kindly satisfy my query.. (P.S: I am 28 years old and an engineer by profession.)
I am about in the same situation as the girl you replied to above; I think I would genuinely enjoy this work. For one year I’ve actively researched on prostitution and lately been in contact with potential clients with who’m I’ve openly discussed that I am not there yet, but that I’d like to get to know the person a little before developing a sexual relationship. So until now, I’ve been in contact with men who seaks a contact for the long term. I guess I want to cover every inch of insecurity in me, and that’s why I feel the need that my first paid experience is with a man who’m I can relate to on an intellectual level, but I do see myself having more irregular clients as well. So I have a few practical questions and I hope you can fill me in/advice…
– I don’t want to work for a regular escort agency and prefer to be independent with a small scale of clients. But with no experience, is this a good idea? Do you ever/have you ever received clients at your own home? How do you feel about that? How do you get clients?
– If I’d think about working for an agency, I would want a high class agency to be as safe as possible. I live in Amsterdam and the regular (and they overfload around here) agencies don’t seem very professional to me. Although, I have scars from a plastic surgery (breast implants) as my left breast never developed and it looked very misformed at an age of 19. Is this a problem when working?
– I also have 8 years old scars from a difficult period in my life (now 24) from which I’ve learned a lot and come out very strong. But ofcourse such an appearance can wake doubts by agencies and maybe be a turn-off for clients (it hasn’t been for men in my private life, which has been quite a few, but I’ve mostly gotten to know them better before the actual intercourse). Would this limit me in working for a high class agency? Will this limit me in working at all?
Furthermore I am a natural beauty when it comes to personality as well as appearance and I’m confident that I would enjoy the positive aspects, and handle the negative aspects well. But I’m just not sure how to start.
I love your amazing blog. I’m a 25 year old woman and I’ve always enjoyed sex I guess more than most people and I’ve never seen any shame in it as long as you don’t hurt yourself or others. It’s a natural part of human behaviour and basics needs and I’ve never understood why it’s almost tabooed when a woman just enjoys sex. Anyway I’ve been thinking about getting into escorting because I think I would genuinely enjoy it but I’m wondering if it’s possible yo stay 100% anonymous and where does one find reliable agencies. I’m in the United kingdom by the way.
The other thing is I’m not exactly a thin girl. I’m a size 14 and have a few curves (in all the right places mind you) and I’m just wondering if this would be an issue for starting work.
Thank you for sharing that. The taboo over women’s sexuality has a history, which is fascinating once one realizes how and why certain sexual norms were socially constructed. What many don’t realize is that gender norms that exist today (where women’s sexuality is stigmatized and marginalized) is only a recent historical phenomenon. I’m glad you question this absurdity. Do not feel shame so long you are not hurting yourself or others.
Having said that, expressing your sexuality in escorting can be tricky. For some women, it can be empowering when they see decent, wholesome clients. But in the population of clientele, there are also bad seeds. An escort has to be very assertive and resilient to avoid seeing clients whom are indecent. While the industry can be lucrative for a sensual woman, it also comes with hardships associated with the stigma, among others things.
Also, you being a size 14 is no issue. Many men strongly desire and prefer a pretty woman who has curves in the right places. Women of all shapes and sizes are desired so long they take care of themselves and are presentable. What’s also important is an escorts attitude and persona, as this is what also allures many clients.
Hope that helps
Masha Allah – you are such a beautiful soul. I am Egyptian Italian and can completely relate to the beauty of your words and your feeling blessed. I am considering delving down that route myself. I am 26 and believe I have what it takes. I would I’ve to know more about your journey, internally and I am in DC, I would suspect there are many women who could use my service here..?
I would like to know your opinion about my experience with an escort whom I fell in love with. First of all I’m currently in the process of getting divorced but she’s not the reason. I met this excort begining of last year and she attracted me from the begining, then I became a regular client….The more I knew her the more I liked her, and after few months have passed I simply fell in love with her and I even had my plans to propose to her right after my divorce is finalized……But I had to do one last step to make sure that she really wanted to be with me and she’s not only looking for the money…..I faked a financial crisis that I’m passing through to see her reaction…..Sadly, it was shocking to me!!! Once she knew that I’m having finacial problems she immidiately turned her back to me and suggested that we shouldn’t see each other again…..Although I’m now sure that she didn’t deserve my love, but it’s not that easy….I’m being tortured, and I still love her so much and can’t get her out of my mind…..What do you think I should do? Shall I give her another chance, or should I simply have to move on and forget about her?
Let her go if I were you.
You describe your experiences with such candor, grace, kindness and insight. You’re a sensualist, a storyteller and an enchantress. I’m curious if you’ve acquired your knowledge and your literary gifts via a formal education or through reading myriad books and extraordinary life experiences. You enjoy reading the great Sufi poets and the sacred texts. Your intuition is keen, as are all your senses. You can be chameleon-like in your physical presentation, comfortable in elegant and casual wear. And although you’re intensely romantic, you’re also quite pragmatic. Sometimes you think of absconding t another land, to another locale, wherein you can reinvent yourself as maybe a scholar, a writer, a business owner. Solitude does not bother you, but you relish the company of kind loving people.
I wish you well on your life journey; you have many gifts to share throughout your peregrinations….
Much peace and light for your Journey, & may your spirit breathe in all the happiness, beauty and bliss surrounding You….
Thank you for the lovely words. I suppose my writing is inspired from all the things you mentioned. I read and wrote extensively from a young age, and I read from a wide array of genres. I suppose that habit was inspired from my own cultural roots and world travels, and trying to reconcile my feelings with reality. University wasn’t the inspiration behind my writing, but it did teach me conceptual frameworks to aid my thoughts or observations. Hope that answered your question.
I really liked reading your writings. Would like to know how to get in touch. Would appreciate if you can email.
Thank you for the time energy heart in all that you have shared in your dairies and discussions. I feel that there is just so much here that can help create deeper insight thought into perceptions. I pray that the Devine feminine and masculine can find unity. I want all my brothers and sisters to not suffer and live in fear. Massive gratitude to you. People have questions, people are curious. I am curious and found my self here. With love and respect. Blessings
Thank you very much for the kind words.
Can we please speak via email? I am very interested in knowing more and would like some advice. Hope you are well.
My name is Anna and I have been reading pretty much everything you have posted on your blog. I really like the way you write and mostly the way you express your emotions through poems…
I have recently started being an escort, for a week now with an agency. I should mention I am Eastern European and they have listed it on the website too. I am a student and need to make income to be able to support my studies and accommodation and could really use some advice from someone who is experienced in the field.
Could you please email me?
Hello my name is Natasha, I am 18 years old. I absolutely love your blog! I’m starting college soon and need to make income fast. Although I am a bit scared, I am considering your profession. I am a virgin, and for a few months now have been thinking of selling it. Throughout these past few years there’s been headlines of women who have decided to sell theirs and have been offered insane amounts of money. Do you have any advise on this? I really don’t know who to contact or who to reach. Your blog has have me so much insight, I would appreciate it if you can help me with this. Thank you so much, have a great day!
Thanks for commenting.
The stories about selling virginity are perhaps over exaggerated or fabricated for the “shock” purposes in the media. While there may be some men who desire this, I’d say the allure of virginity is dying out. Probably because sex is so cheap and easily available, and also, perhaps, because many men have realized the big myth (lie) about the taking one’s virginity: It’s nothing special…in fact, it’s not even good sex. The concept of taking one’s virginity would appeal to men who have inferiority complexes, and see the ritual of taking virginity as a way of proving their ego/masculinity. It has nothing to do with intimacy or good sex. Having said that, if there was a market, it would be lucrative to take advantage of.
Hello there all I ask is that you help me get started I have questions that need answering I’m a quick learner and dedicated .. I am not doing this for the love of money but more so to help fund my education and dreams I want to fulfill .. Please contact me
I just read Types of Clients – (An Escort’s Perspective) and wondering if you would like a guy to write Types of Escorts – (A clients Perspective) I think it would be helpful to your readers and would explain why sometimes things don’t work out well. Reading you blog I learned some things and many I already knew, but one of the biggest things I saw is that guys are wanting to buy something and the women are selling something else. If you would like me to right an article I think it would be good for your blog, and who knows if it works well I could help write on other things.
I certainly would be very interested to read anything like that, Chris! As I worry that I won’t get any clients if I proceed with becoming a escort (not full time). Do men want a woman that isn’t perhaps as perfect as other ladies I see advertising? Do they care? I guess they are paying for a fantasy….interested in feedback anyone!
Generally, what you see in advertising is not the reality. There is also no such thing as one ‘perfect’ type of escort, as perfection is subjective. What’s perfect for one is vastly different than what’s perfect for another. There are more factors than simply just physical appearance that attracts good clients. Clients are just as diverse as escorts, and therefore not all men are seeking them same thing.
My blog wants to highlight the voice of an escort, which is deeply marginalized in popular discussions. I have provided my own types of escorts in one post, and will continue to elaborate more. You are welcome to comment on your perspective of escorts. Would be interesting to see your view.
I just read your stories for the first time, I’m crying like a baby. It was naive of me to think no one else feels like I do. But you got it dead on. Your writing is beautiful and I can tell you’re actually really smart but like me and so many others, you’remixed up in this horrible life. You’re stronger than me though, I don’t believe in god any mor I do however believe in good people like you. Thank you I really needed some comfort and understanding right now.
Thank you for sharing that. My heart is warmed by your comment, and it makes me feel happy to know someone else shares my feelings. I feel sad you don’t believe in God anymore, I hope you reconsider — for me, my hardships have strengthened the beauty of God in my heart.
Hello there. I’m glad I came across your blog. I’ve been looking for some information about this industry.
I’m currently writing a online story/book (sorta) and it is about a courtesan’s life. I would like to COPY some of your experience as an example, would you allow it? I mean, I’m have zero knowledge in all this stuff. ( I don’t even know what I’m writing though). I would definitely appreciate email from you in private, giving me some ideas.
I appreciate your gesture. However, please keep your ideas original. I kindly request you do not use my ideas.
It’s nice that you want to write about courtesans, but given you have “zero knowledge” about such a life, then you should be cautious about your own outsiders bias. Otherwise you will just be providing another narrative that really has nothing to do with the actuality of our lives, and thereby misleading to the readers.
Hope that helps
I was wondering if you’ve heard of an escort intentionally try to get pregnant by a customer. I’ve heard that many escorts are in the US from other countries, and I wonder if any of them might try to get pregnant by a customer in order to stay in the US permanently or for financial gain.
No I have never heard of that. I don’t think any sane client or escort would have sex without a condom, unless they established a genuine intimate relation with the other (which takes time, trust, and perhaps, love).
Your poem just posted is so powerful (I’m assuming you wrote it). If I could make one suggestion, it would changing from the foxes “hands” to either paws or teeth. That fox don’t have hands jars one from the beauty and imagery of the rest of the poem.. just a thought. A beautiful, powerful poem. I’ll wait to see if you return to this comment section before I comment on your paper. I’m a professor and I’m completely impressed with your work. I assume it is graduate level.
Thank you so much. I often think that my esoteric musings are far too confusing. I did change it, thanks to your advice. I await your response to my paper.
I am 26, male, and I never had sex, never kissed and feel uncomfortable hugging.
I was looking on the internet if there are escorts who are willing to ‘teach’ how to get more confident with one’s body during sex, know how to please the partner, …
I just want to make sure that if I happen to have a connection with a woman one day, it would be nice that I’m prepared so that we both have a nice experience.
Are ‘lessons’ something you have heard of before? How much would it cost?
Thank you so much, your blog is immensly interesting. 🙂
Thank you for posing your question. Only a very small minority of escorts would genuinely attempt to ‘teach’ you how to establish comfort, trust, skill and intimacy in sex. She will be tuned with her sensuality and be empathetic to her clients level of comfort. It’s not easy to find, but it’s possible. Try to look for women who don’t offer ‘quickies’ or cheap-thrills. The majority of women in the sex industry refrain from intimacy with clients. It’s still possible to find a rare gem, but it might not be cheap or easy to find.
Hello – love your writing, such intelligent and interesting work. I also admire the way you’ve handled some of the more critical comments on this feed, I get angry reading them but you’ve handled them wonderfully.
I work with an escort agency marketing them and am proud to do so, the women are intelligent, beautiful and some of my favourite people. I’ve written a piece on digital safety in the escort industry and was wondering if you’d be interested publishing it on exoticescortdiary?
If not, congrats again on the blog – we need more resources like this! The blog I write is in the link section if you’d like to take a look, we like to keep it light hearted and fun.
All the best.
Thank you. Sure, you can send me the article and I can potentially post it on here.
This is going to be weird I guess.
So if this is weird to you, sorry about that it is not weird for me though…
I have done quite a bit of reading on intimacy because I am trying to figure out how what it means. So lots of materials suggested that intimacy is sex and or making love they call it.
In my online search sessions I came across your blog. The reason I took liberty to contact you was because I saw that you were blogging and thought that you wouldn’t mind answering some of my questions. I hope it is ok, I really didn’t want to try and ask someone on a chat room.
The question I have for you since quite a lot of reading proved that intimacy generally has to do with sex. What in your opinion and or experience would you say is intimacy? Is it sex? You (are?) a sex worker and I thought that if it was true the real intimacy is sex, then you must have a lot of intimacy experience. Do you think the your clients experience it as intimacy or would you say it is pure desire and a quick fix for them?
Great question. I have been writing about intimacy quite a bit and will hopefully dedicate a long post to the topic of intimacy in society.
Intimacy is the true beauty of life, but sadly we live in a society where intimacy has been severely reduced, exploited and lost its meaning.
I am a Western male that was reared upon the streets. I did whatever it took to survive and better my station in life. There comes a time in an alternative lifestyle when the risks outweigh the rewards. A truly wise person will recognize this crossroad and choose the right hand path. When I left the streets I severed ALL ties from my past as fast as I could.
Your diary reads reminds me of a lady I used to know. She was intelligent, attractive, and prolonged her lifestyle until her health deteriorated to a point. Looking in retrospect her mother thinks of her as one that lived life to the fullest. I see her as one whom chased money onto a rail road track. The risk is someday a train maybe traveling on your track.
Opportunities can be made if you work them to fruition. Once your journey enters the Winter season simply turning the pages of a calendar can not bring back lost time.
Thank you for sharing that. Life can take different paths….nothing remains static.
This is kind of a roller coaster of a blog… Frankly I got here searching for escort services in Bahrain but this has held my feet a bit.
I have had three experiences with escorts so far two of which were unintentional… The first was a surprise “gift” by a friend whereas second was when I found before gwtting intimate that the lady was an escort… The thord was product of boredom where I “ordered” one from a website into my room… All were sensually and intellectually unsatisfying as all were in it for merely economic reasons…
Now I am a married man and I love my wife. I don’t cheat I think as she knows, infact I ask her before any such contact… I view it as more of a collecting experience because my wife cannot be multiple ethnicities or sizes at the same time…
Now here are the questions… I don’t want to be part of an exploitative deed sso to speak… So how does one know if someone enjoys this or is into it for economic difficulties only?
Specially in Bahrain or Dubai which is ambigious legally, and the women themselves view this profession as a necessary evil only, how can one find ssomeone who doesn’t belittle themselves and by extension their companion and at the same time are sane enough to realize the reality of it too?
And philosophically, if the economic reasons are removed what do you think would happen to this profession?…
Thanks for sharing that.
The motive behind this is economic for most women, and as I noted before, most women in the modern sex industry do not derive much pleasure with clients. It’s unfortunate, because I wish sex workers could all be like the skilled courtesans that once existed in the pre-modern past of many societies. But nowadays, most women selling themselves are heavily marginalized, without any social recognition, and thereby reduced to their bodies (sex objects). Why? This is a reflection of modern globalized gender ideologies that teach women to feel shame about their sexuality and exploration. What most people don’t realize is that these social attitudes are only recent in history. Prostitution has been around for 1000’s of years in many societies (not all), but the way it’s condemned and degraded today is only a recent social phenomena.
In any society that is organized with large populations and social inequalities, prostitution in some form will exist — so there is always an economic motive. Prior to modernity, there were indeed societies where prostitution did not exist simply because there were no gender ideologies that shamed women for expressing their sexuality, nor was the society organized in a manner where rigid social hierarchies existed.
Hope that helps. Take care
Sahar, will you not respond to my words!? Alan.
I am thinking about hiring an escort. But I am very adamant that she is an escort by choice and not due to economic or other pressures. I also would like it to be different than what I at least read about.
I would like to hire her for at least two weeks or more. During this time we would get to know each other much like dating. I would expect sex to wait until there is at least a casual friendship. I don’t expect it to be real, but I would expect her to learn to know me and I her (at least to the extent she allows).
Also, I would prefer to not use protection. I have a vasectomy and would be willing to submit to any tests at a medical facility of her choice. I would expect her to do the same…both on a regular basis. During this time I would expect her to remain monogamous as would I. Further, if our personalities jive, I would consider a long term contract ( 6 months to a year, who knows after that ) during which time she would be my exclusive companion.
This all seems to be far outside the normal way of doing business, but can you tell me if arrangements like this are possible?
Oh, the payments would be regular deposits, just like a regular employee, health benefits and other standard benefits included.
All escorts are in this profession for economic reasons. Yes, a minority of escorts can enjoy their work, yet they are still driven by the monetary goal. Otherwise, they wouldn’t be an escort.
What you desire is quite understandable — you want a woman who can enjoy the experience just as much as you do. Yes, it does happen that a client and escort can get along well and develop into a more personal encounter where they are similar to a couple. But the ESSENTIAL component for such intimacy is trust, chemistry and emotions (perhaps, love). Those things cannot be bought with money. In other words, you cannot just pay a woman to become genuinely intimate with you.
Sorry to say, but what you wrote is far too ideal. If you’re going to pay for sex, you have to be realistic that your experience can never be pre-determined. Establishing geniune intimacy with an escort depends on chemistry between you and her, which can never simply be bought. If you’re looking for unprotected sex and a monogamous relationship, then it will won’t be easy to find with an escort. For the most part, an escort would only be interested in such an arrangement if the money was very generous, or she genuinely likes you. But in my personal standards, I have rejected even generous arrangements because I don’t want to get close to men I don’t love. Why would an escort want to have unprotected sex with a man whom she doesn’t genuinely enjoy? Why would an escort want to give up her autonomy and be exclusive (monogamous)…especially with a man she doesn’t have feelings for? In my case, I have only accepted being in long-term arrangements with men that I loved. My relationship with the Sheik was for three years, where he financially supported me the entire time. We became a normal couple and we had unprotected sex. YET the only reason I became so intimate with him is because I loved him. And for me, I do not love and trust so easily Without love, I would never date any man just for his money.
Now, there are many women who are NOT like me, and they don’t mind dating men for money. Perhaps you should consider websites like “seeking arrangement” where ‘normal’ women are seeking to date men exclusively for compensation. In my personal opinion, however, relations in the ‘sugar daddie/ sugar babie’ scenario are quite shallow and lack true intimacy.
Otherwise, if you do want true intimacy with one woman, then you’ve chosen a task that only happens by chance. Best of luck.
Fascinating reading; I am grateful to all that have contributed and hope I have gleaned some wisdom from your often heartfelt stories and musings.
Sahara I do admire your candid honesty and your emotional IQ is through the roof. Your motivation to enlighten people to the true reality of companionship/courtesan-ship and prostitution, (I make a distinction between the two), and the issues and feelings involved is commendable, I know I have learned from your life experience and valuable insights. I adore your writing. I often, though not always, find myself agreeing cathartic-ally with you. Where many would merely ignore or silence critique you make an honourable effort, draining as it must be, to debate it with reason and patience. This humility I salute. I encourage you, as a highly intelligent, well-read, progressive, wealthy woman who is sought after by men and complimented and turned to for advice frequently by your peers, to keep vigil against arrogance.
I do have a bone to pick though, you provide a service of love and companionship, it can only be afforded by the very wealthy, it is denied to the poor. High class, middle class even low class escorts comfort is unattainable to those men whom are poor or economically enslaved. While many voices express sadness of the plight of poor women whose only path to survive is prostitution, which to be sure is tragic, I wonder too at the desperation and options available to the dispossessed men in those societies. Bar girls occasionally escape poverty through wealthy expats, but unto the men in poor societies god help them – is not their impoverishment a concrete fate rarely illuminated?
It is often only through experiencing pain and suffering that our hearts, broken, laid bare, can recognise struggle and empathise with a person’s struggles. Perhaps a client can never truly understand the feelings of a prostitute and similarly a rich person is blind to the hardships of a poor one. It is the tyranny of capitalism, the greed of the elite few, that ensnares men in perpetual debt and enslaves them to hard labour, long hours and often jealously denies access to a hierarchical societies’ women altogether. These men, whose worn hands, farming prawns or picking coffee.. they are testament to their humility, perhaps it is these men that are most deserving of the comfort that women such as yourself, low or high class escort, can provide, and yet with brutal economic certainty this, even fleeting precious love, this human need, it is entirely unattainable to them.
So Sahar I put it to you.. despite your wisdom, your openness, your ethical integrity, are you not complicit in the trappings of the very capitalism that you detest? For the rich, even your beloved Shiek, to have a great fortune, it follows that others will be subjugated and exploited to sustain the rich man’s wealth. By offering up your great beauty, your sensuous female charm and companionship as a service for money, attainable only to the rich, it is synonymous with capitalism. It may have been survival once, is it not a choice now? Money addiction is capitalism. What if a poor man was your soul-mate and you will never meet him as you concentrate your thoughts on the unfortunate social stigmas that tragically prevents your true love with the Shiek from being manifested in a socially accepted marriage?
Every time I put an item in my supermarket trolley I recognise that I am contributing to an economic force most likely subjugating someone, somewhere, so please don’t interpret my words as a judgmental attitude!
Apologies for my long delay in replying and thank you for commenting
You bring up a great point about the economic exclusiveness pertaining to certain hierarchies in the sex industry. I strongly agree that many men face social and economic repression, which leaves disenfranchised men in a worst state than women (simply because this society makes it much easier for economically disadvantaged women to find companionship opposed to their male equivalent). I have thought about it, and it does break my heart that I have to exclude so many potential good men as clients. But again, if I do not practice exclusiveness, I make myself vulnerable to undesirable types of clients (sadly). A lot of men whom are not rich even pay high amounts of money to be with expensive prostitutes, simply because they see the high-quality of intimacy/companionship as invaluable.
I really like how you noted “Perhaps a client can never truly understand the feelings of a prostitute and similarly a rich person is blind to the hardships of a poor one.” Sadly, it’s often very true that people cannot empathize with the feelings, emotions and hardships of others, because they never leave their own class or social clique. Modern society enhances these barriers between different groups of people (even condones it) which allows for the continuation and increase of silencing, poverty, and oppression of the socially disadvantaged.
Is my life a choice now? The very idea of “choice” is never black and white….there are always factors that influence our choice. I’d say I continue to do this out of circumstance, and also, perhaps, habit. It’s desirable also because I can be flexible whilst being a student.
Hope that answered your questions
Really very well put. I appreciate your writing skills. You should sure try documenting it or even should seriously think about producing a video documentary on this subject. You could make good money in creative industry as well.
I guess I am one of the people who stumbled across your blog while trying to get answers for a very personal issue that relates to escorting.
First of all I have to declare at this point that I admire the way you express yourself. It does not mean that I agree with everything but your sincere approach makes me feel confident to ask for your advice.
I am European and I have moved to another European country for the last 4 years due to my profession. I have (had) a very serious relationship for 15 years which I tried to keep alive although the long distance wasn’t helping. I stayed faithful and tried to avoid going out with girls and colleagues to ensure that my promise, mainly to myself to remain faithful with the woman I love, will not be broken!
I managed to do it successfully up until November 2013. It was then when I realized how lonely I feel, that my life apart from my profession’s excitement had nothing else to offer. I decided to book an escort in order to put some sexual interest in my life since I was seeing my girlfriend 3,4 times per year and that feeling started becoming unbearable. I had a couple of sessions that provided exactly what I needed, 2/3 hours with the company of a lady and then I could go back to my normal way of living. Without feeling guilty or unfaithful (probably mistakenly but that was the only way to survive at the time the psychological pressure) I brought happiness to my expat life.
And then I booked the 3rd lady! Very beautiful, well mannered, educated and above all sweet and understanding. From the first meeting it didn’t seem to be a conventional escorting experience. I was paying for two hours and she was letting me stay for 7 or 8 hours without asking for more money. We stayed all night listening to music, talking to each other about our lives, our interests. It was then when I started falling in love with her. I could see deep in her eyes the real her, the pure girl that she was below the fancy and glamorous escort suit. Up until today I still meet with her, and we are having discussions about marriage or even having a family together.
This is where things get complicated because of my girlfriend and the suggestions of my friends regarding the intentions of the new girl. Everything has become so messed up in my mind because I truly love this girl. I want to protect her, to be with her, at least to try what my heart suggests because my brain is so confused. I haven’t stopped loving my girlfriend and I feel it is so unfair for both of us that after all my efforts I managed unfortunately to destroy everything. Many people out there I know they will judge me badly or even mock me. I will try to understand them because they are not in the same situation with me. And being the critic while a spectator is so easy.
The new girl wants to be with me but at the same time will not consider quitting her job which makes things even more complicated. I consider myself monogamous and by even thinking letting her continue says a lot about my love for her. It is not easy though! I am socialized in a society that a man cannot even think his woman with other men (even if it is just a profession without soul as she says!!).
Your sincere words and suggestions are more than welcome. I am just looking for an honest opinion that will clear out my mind and help me chose the right path. I sincerely thank you in advance for finding the time to respond.
Thank you for sharing your experience Val. From your writing, I can tell you have deep empathy for the feelings of others, which is very noble. These days, the simple beauty of love is complicated by so many social realities. For instance, you noted you’re an expat. Your case is a prime example of how a loving relationship is negated by new realities of a globalized world. Nowadays, its common for people to shift their locations all over the world for careers and education; the result is long-distance or casual relationships (which are, for many, not satisfying), being alone, or resorting to prostitutes. And sometimes, like in your case, expat clients fall in love with an escort. I don’t really think there is a solution to this conundrum, given that people are increasingly shifting around for jobs, etc.
It seems you’re stuck, and in either scenario there will be barriers to overcome. You have to accept this is part of life — there are no straight paths. I really don’t know what to suggest, but you should be honest with your girlfriend, and honest with yourself. Is it really love given you and her have accepted a long-distance relationship to last for 15 years? If you and your girlfriend were truly soul-mates, wouldn’t one of you compromise so that it didn’t have to be long-distance? That’s just my observation, as I would imagine true love to compromise. Often we seek advice from others, but no one can truly understand your situation better than yourself. Be honest with your intentions to both women, and listen to your heart.
Thank you so much for taking the time to reply and most of all be honest with me even though knowing very few things about my life.
Just to clarify something, I am not living away from the woman I love for 15 years, just the last 4. It would not have been possible for both of us to bare the burden and the loneliness for so long!
Unfortunately and as you very truly stated in a globalized world where financial balances change from one minute to the other (even if we are not directly responsible) people have to make difficult choices. Not only for themselves but mainly for the good of the people they love and care about.
Leaving from a very depressed country due to a sudden financial crisis to maintain good leaving standards for the people you leave behind is not always a matter of choice but a hard and painful one way path.
No one can really understand what a financial crisis can do to a whole nation unless he or she is part of it. Even if you come from a higher educational and financial status you get effected, you morn along with all the people around you for the unimaginable transformation and degradation of what you once believed it was your life. Anyway that is not the theme of this blog so I am not going to bore the readers and you with my country’s problems! That’s our responsibility to deal with, and we will eventually!
To answer to your last comment: ”Often we seek advice from others, but no one can truly understand your situation better than yourself. Be honest with your intentions to both women, and listen to your heart.” I have to say that my feelings are true for both girls. The first is a soul-mate and will always be what ever my decision will be. She taught me to be a human being, to love and respect. To know what it feels to be loved in all forms. Unfortunately we cannot get married, we cannot have our own family due to reasons that I am not able to explain publicly.
The other girl gave me the chance to love again, strongly, passionately. She gave me a purpose to breath once more! But as you have explained in some of your articles, especially in the ones you describe your life with your ex, she has at times an ego that kills everything. Apparently she feels confident, autonomous and so used to this life style that makes things very difficult for her to realize. The fact that I am willing to sacrifice everything, my life, my job and my dignity means everything and nothing to her. She loves me too but she changes her mind over and over again. She becomes angry with me and then she tells me she is sorry and she wants to marry me. And then she transforms again probably because she has friends in the same line of work that advice her to do otherwise! This cold and warm feeling has become a torture and a blessing at the same time. Probably as you have said god is punishing me for my choices and I accept it. I accept it because it comes from her, from her doings.
I guess no one will be able to give a real advice! I wanted to get things out from the depths of my soul. Relief myself from the unspeakable burden. Knowing that you have passed through this love from the other side, the girl’s side made me to post my life story hoping that things will get more clear in my head, less confusing. As you said it is my problem to solve and only I can find the right path.
Your words were honest and I appreciate it a lot believe me. You reminded me of my responsibilities and that is more than enough!
I wish you all the best in life, you are exceptional and rare for this world cause you say things by their name.
Always with respect,
I’m looking for some advice. I am a frequent business traveler to Brazil. Recently, I booked an escort from her personal blog, and she came to my hotel. We had dinner, and she spent the night. We actually spent most of the night talking. She told me her real name, and said that she recently moved to the city and has only been working for a month.
The next day, she texted me on her personal phone, and asked if I was free that night. I said that I did not have enought money, and she said that it was OK, that this was her choice. Long story short, she spent four out of five nights with me at my hotel, and aside from a bottle of perfume and room service, no money was exchanged.
Since leaving Brazil, we exchange texts on a daily basis, skype each other a couple of times a week, and view eachothers pictures on Instagram. She uses a professional alias, and no one from her hometown knows her work. Her allowing me to follow her on social media, opens her up to being comprimised, so I suppose she trusts me. Is it common for an escort to provide so much personal detail to a client, whether former or not?
I recently found out that I must go to Rio de Janeiro in April, and told this to her. She is flying from SP to stay with me, and said that she does not want any money, that this is because she likes me and wants to be with me.
I know the work she is involved in, and although we started off as a escort/client, it feels like it evolved. She doesn’t go into details about work, but she knows I worry about her, and she sends me messages telling me that she is OK and pictures when she is with her girlfriends telling me that she is not working, but out with her friends. Several times a week, she’ll send a photo of her living her “regular” life.
I’ve delveloped really strong feelings for this lady, and unless I am being completely fooled, it seems as if she has as well. She is university educated girl, high class, and a lot of fun to go out with. I have a family in the US, and complications there as well.
I wonder whether this is all a joke, then I wonder, why would a professional 5000 miles away, continue to keep in touch with me, throughout the day, not knowing when or if I am coming back, or not expecting any compensation in exchange. She knows that I am not wealthy, and can not be a “regular”, so I don’t know. It has been a confusing month. Any advice you could give would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you for sharing that.
It’s not common that escorts share personal information with clients. But since this lady did, then it seems she does trust you. I don’t think she is fooling you, simply because she is willingly meeting on her own time. Escorts are no different than other humans, so of course they can feel emotionally close to someone beyond just money. It seems you are special to her and she might desire something serious, so cherish her and be honest with your intentions.
Thank you for replying. I appreciate the advice. We are still talking, and I’m looking forward to her staying with me next month in Rio. It’s not a situation that I’d ever imagine myself in, but that’s life.
I’am an escort at last 8 months and i want to ask you to tell me from your experience it is better to work with agency or as indepented?!what offers the agency and what is the fair proportion for the both of us!
thanks you… ❤
P.S.: KEEP THE GOOD WRITTING!LOVE U!!!
There are pros and cons for both situations. For many years, I didn’t work independent because I didn’t really know how to get started. Once I switched to working independently, I loved it. I run my own business. The downside with being independent is it can be time-consuming doing logistical work (advertising, screening clients, answering calls/emails, etc). Working independently also welcomes a type of a clientele who avoid agencies (clients who want more companionship and intimacy). Working alone means there is less security, so one has to carefully screen their clients to avoid potentially bad experiences. Being independent and charging high-rates also requires some legitimacy — for example, if you want to charge high-rates, you’re settings (your home) have to be relativity upscale.
With agencies and establishments, you are in a more secure environment because you’re working with other people. The downside with agencies is that they take a portion of your money, you’re working a schedule, you’re working within rigid rates/time frames, etc. Also, sadly, many agencies might have exploitative tendencies, so it’s best to research agencies and find one that treats their girls well. I have had good experiences working in high-end establishments in the past, but sadly I noticed that agencies/establishments have become increasingly degraded over the years. When I first started, the establishment was set at high-rates with minimum one hour bookings. Nowadays, so-called “high-end” establishments are trying to maximize their profit by offering cheap “quickies.”
My advice is to do what you feel comfortable with. Perhaps start with an agency and save up to establish yourself as an independent escort.
I was really intrigued by your post on olfactophilia. I just wanted to know in your opinion why you feel men are attracted to certain body parts belonging to a woman. Also your blog is fantastic, well written and informative. Love it.
Thank you for commenting.
Regarding Olfactophilia: Scent desires can be appealing to anyone, not just men. I wrote a post about some of my experiences with men who had extreme ‘scent’ fixations to certain parts of my body. By fixation, I am talking about men who specifically focus on a certain area, such as the underarms, buttocks or feet, for an extended duration of time. The young man who wanted to smell and taste my hands, feet, bum and between my legs for a whole 8 hours inside a brothel is a prime example of ‘fixation.’ Another example is a client who’s prime desire was to lick and smell my underarms for a long duration before we had sex. So why are some ‘fixated’ while others are perhaps neutral? It’s part of the diversity of sexual desires. People are often led to believe that there is only one ‘proper’ way to experience pleasure, but in reality there are many different ways of deriving pleasure.
In my experiences, I noticed a lot of ‘scent’ men have submissive desires and specifically lick ‘taboo’ areas to symbolize their devotion and admiration for me. In other cases, I’ve also seen men who have a more prolonged fixation for body parts that concentrate natural odours, such as the feet, underarms, buttocks, between the legs, etc. For them, scents in these areas gives them a sense of euphoria.
Modern society has socialized most of us into discourses of ‘hygiene,’ where we are told that certain body parts are ‘dirty’ and to be avoided. The very fact we are told certain parts are ‘dirty’ makes them even more appealing for some. In my own experience, smelling and tasting a lovers natural body odor, especially in the most concentrated regions, is the most alluring part of intimacy — it’s truly intoxicating, the scent of heaven.
Hope that helped answer your question,
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I wanted to ask you a question which has been bugging me quite a lot since some time. I have a morally ambiguous question to which neither my brain or my heart seems to have an answer to .This question deeply intrigues me. Before I ask the question I would like to brief you a little on what kind of a person I am. I am a person of high morals and therefore the world is not as simple for me as it may be for say a psychopath or rather a person without any inner beliefs or values. I have never availed the services of an escort. I am highly sympathetic towards women who are forced into it prostitution and my blood boils to see women being forcefully led into this profession. In my own family all the women have a healthy sense of self respect and as far as I can decipher were mostly virgins when they got married. So I have been born into a family in which all women have extreme self esteem. My nature is different though. I have always been different in my thought processes from my family and I do not judge any person. I have had a few sexual experiences or encounters if that is a better word to call them. Now my question to you is that is it morally right for a man to pay a women to have sex with him? I have never in my life tried to engage the interest of a woman in me through the show of money. I sometimes think that what is the difference between say an escort, an aspiring actress, or a porn star? They all seem to have sex to gain some kind of tangibles or monetary benefits in life. Even a normal girlfriend for that matter may be sleeping with someone for his money and the kind of benefits he can provide. Like any other person in this world I love to have sex. I won’t use the term make love here because I have never really felt so strongly for anyone in my life yet. You claim to be a beautiful woman with a voluptuous body who chose this kind of lifestyle. Now you experience the ups and downs of it. You could have say worked harder or have been content with the little money you had. You could have been a model or maybe someone else. These thoughts have put me in a moral dilemma as to what kind of a person I want to be in my life. My sexual thirst isn’t as important to me as doing the right things in life. My contention comes from doing good and being good. I wonder sometimes that would it be right for me to avail the services of an escort say like you who chose such a life for herself or say sleep with a woman who loves me for the money that I may have? I generally would not hold myself accountable morally if I did such things but still I think of sometimes being more than that. Specially in the case of prostitutes, if all men stopped availing such services then many women will have other opportunities to make themselves financially independent. Isn’t prostitution the easy way out to earn money for a woman? I think about these things sometimes. I would be highly obliged if you could share with me your views on the aforementioned issues. I may be able to be clear in my soul as to what path is the right one…..
Thank you for commenting. It’s nice that you are concerned about the well-being of prostitutes. However, it seems that your understandings of prostitutes, sexuality and the whole industry is the outcome of stereotypes (which is heavily flawed). One of the reasons I made this blog is to clear up myths and misunderstandings about notions of sexuality and the sex industry.
So you asked the question: Is it morally right for a man to pay for a woman to have sex with him? My answer is that it really depends on the context. If an escort has my approach towards her work (relative enjoyment of respectable clients), then it’s okay so long you treat her respectfully, pay for her time, don’t make her uncomfortable and make the encounter wholesome (not shallow). However, as I mention on my blog, most prostitutes are NOT in my circumstances. Some women are forced in extreme conditions where they are facing immense poverty. Some women are lured indirectly via manipulation of agents or pimps. And finally, some women got into sex work by circumstance for various reasons on their own (like myself). If an escort is not forced or pimped, then visiting a prostitute has the potential to be a positive experience for both the escort and client. Men are just as much marginalized by wider society in that they have limited outlets for intimacy, companionship and sexual expression, which is why prostitution becomes desirable. In essence, the experiences of prostitutes are very diverse, so it really difficult to say if it’s right/wrong in a general sense.
I found it strange how you lump escorts, pornstars and aspiring actresses all together. You’re assuming they are similar when in fact those jobs are targeted for a variety of different reasons. Prostitution can exist and play out in many different ways. Porn and acting are standardized commodities for consumption — prostitutes are not following a script, nor are they having the same experiences with each client in a standardized fashion.
You mentioned the word ‘choice,’ which I want to address. It’s wrong to use the word “choice” and say escorts made the “choice” to do this work. How much choice does one have when their options are limited? Some single mothers, for example, turn to escorting not so much out of choice, but because escorting was the only option at having more time/money for raising their children. If they had the option to have a rewarding, high-paying job or perhaps wholesome family support, then it’s unlikely they would resort to selling themselves.
It seems you’ve internalized this idea of “hard work” as being ‘good.’ While that sounds nice in theory, it’s not an easy nor attractive option for everyone. I did try the ‘normal’ job route, but I quit. I wanted a better standard of living for myself, and to be able to get a higher education. Why should I remain in poverty and slave myself at a job for pennies? Further, low-wage labor in a capitalist setting kills creativity — why do I need to conform to a ‘normal’ job that contributes to an exploitative system? What is so ‘wrong’ if a person doesn’t want to conform to the conventional ways of making money? You should be careful in assuming that informal jobs like prostitution is simply just an “easy way out.” It’s very sad that many people are essentially forced to do low-skill work just to survive (wage slavery). You seem to have accepted the discourses which try to embrace the “hard working ethic,” where one disciplines themselves into notions of ‘success’ through hard-work and sacrifice. I recommend reading Max Weber’s “The Protestant Ethic” to show how this ‘hard work’ mentality arose and was widely adopted among Europeans (it’s still exists today, but how often do people question “why?” — this idea supports capitalism, so it’s strategic.
Indeed I do embrace work that isn’t demeaning and has wholesome outcomes — but I didn’t have that option. For me, prostitution is a better option of survival without slaving myself, without doing mindless low-paid labour where there’s no room for creativity or agency, and without contributing to an exploitative system.
Why do you think just because I am a prostitute that I might have otherwise wanted to become a model? You are incorrectly assuming prostitution is comparable to the modelling profession — again, I am getting more evidence that you really have no understanding of this diverse industry. Prostitution is not like other professions — we are dealing with humans here, not static objects. It seems you are missing the fact that prostitutes are NOT one species, but rather each woman is a unique individual with unique circumstances/aspirations.
Hope that gave you some insight
I recently found out my fiancé has been using escorts. I thought we were happy. I was always the one initiating sex, and have a higher sex drive than he does ( so I thought). We aren’t a prude couple and I’ve always encouraged trying new things. With wedding planning I am extremely fit ( thinner than when he first fell in love) and yet he increased his hobby even more as I have upped my appearance. Finding out he had a side hobby was not easy to understand or take. He can’t explain it himself. I found his “reviews”, and we did everything he did with the escorts – at least everything he listed in the review.
So what did I do? I feel like I’ll never know. Why did he want escorts? It’s so frustrating because I feel like I’ll never know. I don’t judge the practice or job itself, and I am not disgusted or sickened by his behavior. I am confused and hurt.
I’m sorry to hear that. We are all conditioned into the concept of monogamy, so we struggle to understand when people cannot contain themselves. Do we blame individuals, or should we accept that our social norms are often unrealistic? Or, perhaps, are we partnering with someone who is NOT our soulmate? It’s a complex issue to address.
But I must tell you something, appearance isn’t everything. Being gorgeous is not only subjective, but it’s also not a crucial factor in maintaining desire. In my observations, I have noticed that some men are actually quite bored by women who are too focused being ‘perfect.’ In the process of trying to be superficially attractive, many people neglect their inner selves. Could this be the reason for his infidelity? I don’t know. Maybe you and him are not soul mates? Is he shallow himself? Perhaps he seeks escorts to soothe his ego, to sort of prove his masculinity? I personally avoid shallow people for this purpose, as they always need to find ways of ‘proving’ their self worth by seeking approval from others.
I had discussed threesomes, swinging, etc with him when we found out some of our friends were swingers. He said he wasn’t into it. So I did not push him into monogamy.
Ultimately it wasn’t so much what he did, but the lies and hiding and sneaking around. And he still wants to be with me, swearing up and down he’s done with the escorts. I know I would be an idiot to believe him and take him back. But I really, really want to be a fool.
Blessings to you dear, and I hope it works out in the end. Strangely enough, people often have to lose something to realize its importance.
Thanks again for replying. To answer your question, I meant that by having a clear and developed understanding of herself, she would have been honest with herself and then with me and presented her case up front and clearly, that she would not tolerate my continued unprotected oral swinging if we were to be lovers on a more personal level. Instead, she began to change the rules, blaming my ‘blatant disregard for the safety of the women who gave me unprotected oral’ instead of admitting to herself and to me that it was her own personal boundaries, and being upfront with me. Hiding her true desire to own me and my actions and instead heaping ridicule upon me as being reckless, was not being honest with herself or with me. She insisted that she had not an ounce of jealousy in her, and that jealousy was not an admirable trait, but asked me repeatedly if I had the telephone numbers of various women still in my cell phone, and demanding that I erase them as I stood before her. It kind of made me laugh, not only at her belief in her own power, but how could I take her seriously as she was constantly texting and communicating current and prospective clients in my presence but if I protested, it was always ‘ just business’.
If you would indulge me…a note about pleasure.. my personal versus her work pleasure. For me, my personal pleasure in swinging is much the same as the pleasure I take with an unknown prostitute. There is nothing cerebral about it, I don’t know the woman, and may not even like her, should I even choose to speak to her. It is often less personal a relationship than my ex would have with a regular client she had been seeing for years, about whom she has shared marital and job stresses, past experiences, deaths, career trials and tribulations etc. With him she has shared intimacies. So my personal pleasure over her work pleasures is surely not a debate. In many ways, my pleasure in swinging can be likened to masturbation, only I do it inside a woman’s vagina or mouth. Perhaps a sorry statement, but swinging is not known for its subtleties. To suggest that my pleasure in swinging is more personal than her pleasure in seeing clients, where she makes the best of the situation, and climaxes to at least derive some enjoyment from it, is quite incorrect. True, I choose to do it, just as she chooses to be a prostitute. She has no intention or immediate desire to leave the trade, as it satisfies her in many ways, financially and sexually, and feeds a desire for control and power. In fact, she is very ambitious. She is not simply making the best of a situation that she has no control over. She controls every aspect of it and as she is living the situation by choice, she is as responsible for choosing a trade from which she can derive pleasure, as I am responsible for taking pleasure in swinging.
The real pleasure she derived from me, and what she defined as the most intimate part of our relationship, involved sharing our lives together, the mundane details, the shopping, cooking, dining out, silly joking. I would have had less issue with her demands if my sexual needs were met with her, but alas, they were not. She was often tired from seeing clients. That is a hard pill to swallow when I came home with a raging hard on, and a required swinging party was easily found.
No, I am only sad that we went as far as we did without her being honest to herself and to me, understanding what her limits were as a fem dom, and communicating them to me in a way that I understood, rather than me having to defend myself so often against her personal attacks and her shifting landscape of rules. She threw me out so many times, my head was spinning. I am not a cuckold and never will be.
One final note, our lovemaking was not really love making. She was an admittedly selfish lover, as I guess fem doms tend to be. Sadly, the sex that I had with her on a personal level was no different that the pleasure that I had with her when I was her client. It was all physical, and I strongly believe that her years of service has rendered her incapable of breaking through to a place where she can trust and be free.
Too bad. My love for that woman was deep, despite all our difficulties. Still, we live on to see another day, another love, and life is still beautiful. To each is own ! Be good and thanks for reading.
It seems you didn’t get your way, so now you are trying to rationalize this by making her look bad. Femdom is not about being a selfish lover. In fact, many men find it extremely rewarding pleasing their woman and thus getting the reciprocation they desire. Because you, personally, do not desire this, please do not try to say dominant women are culprits.
Real love is not always rational. I never openly stated to any of my lovers that I want to be in control. I wasn’t aware myself initially, but rather it was my lovers who placed me on a pedestal of power. It happened naturally, and my lovers eagerly accepted these dynamics. My pleasure was also their pleasure. Only one truly in love can understand this.
I don’t believe your love for this woman was deep, because if it was you could have done anything to please her. Vice versa. From what you wrote, it is clear that you and her were not soul-mates. After all, she wasn’t desiring to sleep with you after clients. Perhaps your relation was for the sole purpose of companionship, but companionship does not always translate into soul-mates. Love is not just a disposable, replaceable object — if you have this mentality, then you have not experienced real love.
Kind Regards x
Hi, I was looking into getting in this line of work. I live in france and I’m curious as to how get clients? Clients who can pay the high amount I wish to charge. Thanks a lot in advance. I really love your writing, please keep up with your blog
Thanks you for your reply (although I don’t see it published) and I wish I had known of this sooner, but I agree with you and now understand why we had so much conflict throughout our relationship and that she is, as you say, a dominant controlling femdom. She would likely have been happier with me had I been a true cuckold, and it is a little sad that she does not have the insight to be honest with herself and to define her expectations and the rules of her game upfront in terms that I could have more easily understood, so that I could have rejected her upfront. But instead she maintained a moral high ground, insisting that I was the problem as I did not understand risk and what is truly right and wrong. For instance, she argued that having sex with other women at sex parties was totally different from her having sex with clients, as she was getting paid and I was doing it for pleasure. She was doing it as a career which was acceptable while I was doing it for pleasure which was not acceptable. Having had sex with her as a client, I know that she does indeed takes pleasure in her encounters, and her multiple reviews prove this out, so in my mind, we were on equal footing, and when I repeatedly maintained that my risk was lower as I always had freedom of choice, and was playing in a safe public area, and was not in the habit of letting strangers into my home, it made her furious.
Pleasure with strangers is acceptable to me, whether you are getting paid or not, as only the moral codes imposed upon us say it is wrong, and honestly, if I could be paid for my encounters with swinging women, I would take it.
Her behaviour to me at the time appeared to be more that of a sociopath than of a woman who had a clear and developed understanding of herself and her needs. I have never understood how a man could maintain respect for himself living a code of restrictions imposed by a lady who controls his behaviors, but I loved the girl, and so put up with her for as long as possible, but as you say, each to his own !
I understand your perspective, but you and her are not on equal footing. You are swinging for your own pleasure. She is, however, seeing clients for money. Sure, maybe she derives pleasure with some clients, but pleasure with clients is NOT comparable to personal pleasure. The motivating factor with her clients is money first, not pleasure. I highly doubt she would be seeing those men for free. She’s only making the best of her situation, and being paid for it makes a huge difference. If you are not a prostitute, then it’s really hard to understand this difference.
Why does her preferences, as a dominant woman, make you think she doesn’t have a ‘clear and developed understanding of herself? It’s likely her preferences are the result of being with men whom are willing and eager to accept a submissive role. Glad to see you agreed, to each their own.
After reading you blog, I would respect your opinion on a matter. Can you comment on this situation ? It has left me a little confused.
Without going into all the details, I began living with an escort, who I had frequented as a client, but who needed a room mate. I fell in love with her, and she enjoyed my company. We became lovers to the extent that we went together to get me tested, so that we could have unprotected sex. I am also a swinger, and was before I moved in, so attend sex parties. She of course, continued with her trade. We even worked together with a few clients who were seeking a couple experience. Here is the problem. She always plays safe with all her clients but kissing and receiving unprotected oral is part of her service. At the parties I attend, I always use a condom for intercourse, but I do not use a condom when receiving oral from a woman. My lovely escort lady at home though, had a huge problem with that and demanded that I begin to use a condom for oral sex at the sex parties. I countered that she never demanded that a client use a dental dam for pleasuring her, and that she would also offer DFK for whoever came through the door, whereas I always had a choice in the matter. Was this a fair demand that she made of me ? It ultimately ruined our relationship because I refused to see her point of view, her point being that although the risk to me was low, it was the risk for the woman that were pleasuring me that she was concerned about. What do you make of this ?
Any ‘open’ relationship (despite participants being open-minded) will face problems of jealously, boundaries and health concerns. After all, two people committed to each other while both being intimate with others is not easy to maintain.
Anyway, it seems your lady is dominant and likes to have control over her men. Yes, it seems deeply unfair and doesn’t make sense that she wants to control your sexuality whilst she remains free. Strangely enough, many submissive men are actually seeking a lady like yours (a woman who controls/restricts his sexuality whilst she does what she likes — the femdom lifestyle is not for everyone, of course). With your lady, you cannot change her. It’s your choice to accept it, or walk away.
My relationships have been seemingly ‘unfair’ too. My conditions were that I was allowed to escort (sleep with other men), but my lovers were expected to stay monogamous to me. I’m well aware that many men cannot accept this and find it deeply hypocritical. While some men find this deeply unfair, other men find this very attractive. To each their own.
hi I have been seeing a girl at a brothel I seen 2 times about a year ago then the last 4 months I have seen her every week I really like her and I think she likes me by some of the things she says here is a few of what she says I’m her best friend. were heaps alike. she has took photos of me on her phone and I have photos of her she tells all about her daughter and shown me photos of her and when she get time wants to have lunch and her dad owns his own business and said if ever need a job she can get me one and even xmas day she sent a text and always says love at the end of her text and told when she first got pregnant she wanted to have abortion there is just some of the things she says to me I want to say something but she talks about things working better when you start as friends and not trying to force things to happen any advice you could give would good thanks
Are escort agencies very selective on who they allow to work for them? I’ve been browsing some sites and they are all looking for models. I understand you have to be beautiful, but how beautiful is beautiful enough? Do you really have to be tall and under a certain weight with the most drop-dead and unbelievably gorgeous looks? Or could you just be short and cute with a dazzling personality and that’d be good enough? I’m looking to apply for one, but I’m not sure I’d meet the requirements. If I had to describe my looks, I can describe them as rather cute and maybe a little exotic, but nothing extraordinarily beautiful. I’m curvaceous in a way that men may find appealing, but not the tallest gal in the room either. And my weight is pretty average. I wouldn’t qualify as the skinniest, bone-thin person in the room either. My personality is very sweet, upbeat, bubbly and humorous. I can be feisty and deviously playful in a way that delights and endears most men to me in my current profession. I’ve gotten numerous offers to work at many upscale bars in my area from bar owners who believe I’d be a hit with the men as a bartender and I have found that to be true. So I do believe that if given the chance to become an escort, regardless of whether if sex is involved or not, I’d be pretty good at it. Many things would come as naturally to me as breathing. I’m just not sure if my looks would reach most escort agencies’ standards. I understand I’d probably have a lot of competition. There are going to be other girls applying for the same agency too and some of those girls are going to be a lot more beautiful and model-like than me. I’m not sure I’d stand a chance even though I do believe I can succeed if I am given that chance. I know you don’t operate an escort agency and probably wouldn’t know much from their point of view regarding the types of escorts they look for or what about me might score me some serious brownie points from them, but you do appear to have pretty good perspective on this industry so I just thought it wouldn’t hurt to try and ask.
It seems you’ve been fooled by the marketing schemes of escort websites. Firstly, almost ALL escort websites use photos that are heavily photoshopped (altered) — even fake photos. I cannot tell you how much marketing plays a strategic role in the sex industry — there is much deception. Many of these so-called “models” in the photo’s are women who would get hardly noticed in their daily lives. Yet escort agencies and websites have to promote this ‘larger than life’ image to be able to command their high-prices.
As well, there is no such thing as one ‘perfect’ high-class escort. Indeed, there are standards of relative fitness, grooming and personality, but in essence all types of women are desired. It seems the media and marketing has influenced you to have a completely false notion of what ‘ideal’ beauty is, unfortunately — don’t believe it.
You will be shocked to know that most escort agencies are not very discerning (even most ‘high-class’ agencies). These agencies are aware that they need a variety of different looking women to appeal to the variety of clients tastes. Most agencies are running numerous websites, and often are using the same girl at different rate scales. For instance, I once knew a woman (whom I didn’t consider beautiful) who was marketed for $1,200 US an hour on a so-called elite escort website. The same girl was also working for US$200 hour on a different website (with different photos). Again, this is the deceitful art of marketing in the sex industry.
If you want to see proof in the variety of “beauty” that men desire, then work inside a high-end brothel. You will discover how all sorts of beauty in different looks and shapes are sought after. Also, bare in mind that most good clients are seeking qualities that are not only physical. For many clients, an escorts overall personality, intellect, sensuality are essential qualities they desire.
Hope that helps
Honestly many of these agencies use photos of models who don’t even WORK as an escort! I’m sure they just find photos and use them for their only benefit. I worked for an agency as a Booker who tried being high class, but did everything wrong. It’s really awkward when a guy requests a girl from the site only to realize none of the girls actually working never look like that
Some use fake photos, and some insist on real photos. But either way, the determining factor is meeting the person in real life. My photos are modest yet elegant – I don’t show my face, which is one of my best features. Clients often tell me they are more than impressed once meeting and I often hear, “You are even more beautiful in real life.” On the other hand, I have met high-class escorts who have extremely gorgeous photos, but in real life they are not that attractive. Seeing an escort is always a gamble.
In your personal opinion, as I am not sure you will be able to answer this question accurately or not, what do you believe escort agencies look for in a woman before hiring her? What traits are desirable in a woman that escort agencies may look for before allowing her to work for them as one of their girls?
Do escort agencies train you on at least the basics of being a high-class escort to wealthy men or is that something you need to know before you fill out any applications?
Escort agencies/establishments never require that prospective escorts have any prior ‘skills’ or knowledge about this industry. Some places do give advice (I don’t think ‘training’ is an appropriate word), while others allow the girls to learn by experience.
Thanks for your kind message. Yes, you may reach me at email@example.com
Firstly, I’d like to say your blog is amazing. The way you write, all your experiences, the way you seem as a person can be reflected through your blog and you seem lovely. I’d like to ask you some questions relating to myself as I am also in the sex industry is there any way of sending you a private message?
I had mentioned on this blog sometimes back that I was entering this industry. I have been advertising and carefully vetting possible clients. I now have a shortlist of 3 for my entry. Please wish me luck and give me any appropriate advice
I have been dating an escort girl whom I met on August last year. It was my first book. And its been a month now. And I think its been going pretty well. I did everything you have elaborated on your writings to make our relationship to work. At first she was not interested with me, which is a correct thing to do given the risk of her occupation and also to protect her.
As time went by, we are getting closer, and started to build feelings to each other. I really like her and I don’t want to hurt her.
Thank you for everything, you have made my life easier.
Thank you for sharing that Mark
Best wishes for everything, and keep us updated.
Escort Diary, thank you for standing so strong in your truth.
I am fascinated by all the comments on right and wrong. The duality expressed only separates and you so eloquently bring it back to the ONE, you are offering love and care. There is no duality in God, there is only love. It seems to me you are anchoring the true meaning of a once noble occupation. Prostitution maybe so rampant because the culture of the west is so devoid of what it craves, which is connection and love. Keep on keeping on sister, I feel you.
I am researching the escort business because I am looking to upgrade my economic situation. Your honesty helps me form a clear decision. I am a healer and I see this work as a way to offer the love and care that so easily flows through me. I was a naive girl with trauma in my story. I have come along way into the woman I am now. Men desire me, and I thought it was from their hearts, but it was out of lust. After hurtful experiences and disappointments in “love” I am considering using my natural attraction in business, to empowering myself while being able to offer the love care and companionship I so strongly desire to share with the world. Our world is in dire need of more expressions of love and care, and perhaps as a companion I can be a beacon of love and light though the shadows of modern consumer culture. I know you have discouraged the women asking for advice to enter the industry, and I am not scared, I am comfortable with my sexuality and feel I can be successful, attracting the respectful, kind and caring clients that you seem to attract. Thank you for sharing the emotional tools I will need on this journey.
I’ve been a sex worker for only one year, but my ambition was to give something special to people who clearly needed it, whether sex, care or intimacy. I came to know some wonderful and respectful people. People who respected me and whom I respected as a person with feelings and desires. I really felt I did something useful for a great deal of people.
Unfortunately, due to personal circumstances I had to stop.
But I still long for it.
Also, your view on God is absolutely beautiful.
I personally don’t believe in God as a ruling authority, but I actually started to see God as Love, the most beautiful gift to humanity.
Denying that from a person is the maybe the worst crime, in my eyes.
And misconceptions, ignorance, and shallow prejudices don’t justify the abstinence of love. That’s what I Believe.
By the way, I’m sorry if you’d expected an answer from the author herself, but I couldn’t hold myself from reacting.
Thank you for sharing that, and I’m so happy to see you have such a great outlook on life. I love what you said and I couldn’t agree more, especially when you wrote, “Our world is in dire need of more expressions of love and care, and perhaps as a companion I can be a beacon of love and light though the shadows of modern consumer culture.” It’s a sad reality this industry has been degraded and reduced to physical exchanges only, with a majority of men and women who simply don’t know how to open their hearts and experience intimacy. I try to avoid this aspect, and conduct myself in a fashion that can be something meaningful. I wish more women could share our mentality towards this work, but the reality is most women simply do not. It’s not their fault, but rather a reflection of the values of society, where people degrade love as being indifferent, disposable, secondary, shallow. Best of luck to you dear.
Escort Diary, Do you really think this is what God wanted for your life?
I’ve been divorsed for three years now and haven’t had a women in that time. I would like to find an escort but havent any clue how to find one being I’m in a small town.
Insightful and beautiful writing. I have been engaging working girls since the age of 16 and I am now 50. That is 34 years ! So, I too have some experience with the sex industry and I have been in many unusual circumstances with unique women all around the world. Over the past few years I became involved with a woman with whom I fell I in love, a working girl, who I had first seen over ten years ago, but to whom I was drawn back to time and time again. Her honesty, her beauty, her laughter, her grace. A woman I wish to grow old with. I wished I had read your writings before we became intimate, to better understand her position, her isolation, her choices, her struggles and addiction, to see myself within that list of clients you created, and why I acted as I did. It would have made my life and hers a great deal easier. Some of us just are not equipped with the ability to eloquently express reality in the way you have done. Bravo my dear. Get these musings published into a book and onto the best sellers list quick ! Change the perceptions of a society blinded by morality and laws. Big hugs.
I haven’t been able to find any way of contacting you, other than by posting a comment here. I wonder if you are still working, as you say somewhere that you have reduced the amount you work because you have a boyfriend that you love.
Love all your information. You give WAY too much time to the negative, hate filled people, yes, they can speak their minds, but I hate to see you waste your precious voice filled with wisdom/light/love on those who remain in darkness and chains. I have an advanced degree, and a professional job. I do not crave a committed long-term relationship, but I am highly sexual person. I am quite mentally stable, no issues with abuse, neglect, other problems assumed I should have. I have recently began screening higher end clients for escorting purposes and am about to go on my first booking. He is an older gentleman, middle 60’s, wife no longer interested in sex. Any advice you have for me would be VERY appreciated. Thank you so much!! Blessings to you!!
Interesting enough you condemn the society that “has brainwashed people in believing that only monogamy is accepted and extra marital affairs are looked down upon”, whereas without the same society, you wouldn’t be able to hold your job. If we were living in a society where polygamy was more accepted and people were more open to explore sexuality, prostitutes wouldn’t be able to make a living. It would be too common to have multiple partners and prostitutes would be paid minimal wage. So no matter how many times you blame the system, it is still your provider. The reason why prostitution is so popular and demanded, it is because men are thrilled breaking the rules society imposes on them, they feel alive by doing so.Most people are not comfortable talking about, or even explore their own sexuality openly. When something is scarce or forbidden, it becomes a luxurious feeling people seek for and becomes addiction for others.
So don’t complain about society, because it feeds you.
And also, no matter what you say, you still depend on men, no matter how many times you brainwash yourself into saying you are self sufficient and the money you make is for you, MEN are your financial providers. You are not independent as you think, so stop lying to yourself. You depend on men at all times, so by saying you are independent is being hypocritical. You might as well marry a rich man and let him provide you for sex for the rest of your life as a husband. There is a difference between you whoring yourself to other men for money or letting a rich man pamper you. You can get STDs and other diseases even by using condom. With one person you are less prone to chances of catching such diseases. This is nature so follow it. The real concept of marriage is to provide for life, that is the best security a woman can get.
When you reach your 30’s or 40’s your beauty will fade away and you will be like most rotten single women out there desperate for any man to take them in. So while you have the time, make wise decisions,because one day you will wake up alone and miserable. No matter how many blogs you write, nothing will that void within that in your line of work, you need a strong man by your side. So choose wisely. You are smart, so re think your decisions..
It is very sad to know that people with your mentality exist. So according to you, people should never think critically and should ignorantly accept that they are exploited and marginalized? The fact you can say that shows your empty mentality. It’s quite obvious that you have missed the essence of my blog. It’s also clear that you have a incorrect assessment of this industry.
Prostitution is currently so rampant, heavily degraded and popular because of many FACTORS (social, political, economic). Indeed some men may find escorts appealing because of breaking traditional norms, but not all men are visiting prostitutes for the SAME reasons. Furthermore, the influx of prostitutes is because there are limited options for women to live a comfortable lifestyle in a capitalistic, individualistic society. Women are not actively CHOOSING to sell themselves; The vast majority of prostitutes are doing this because it is the ONLY option to live a comfortable life. Why does it bother you that I am speaking about reasons why women are doing this work? Why should I be grateful to a society that has exploited many people?
As well, your comment about my beauty fading away in my 30’s and 40’s reveals your shallow and heartless personality further. It’s clear that you obviously FAIL at connecting with decent people on a meaningful level. Wholesome and decent people understand that a persons true beauty is in their heart, not their appearance. Clearly you are too ignorant to realize that MANY clients become close with ladies (regardless of age) because they establish a meaningful connection beyond the physical.
Nice try at trying to offend me. It only proves your ignorance further.
You are clearly an idiot. But Sahar said it nicer than I 🙂
Please understand I am not being snarky with you or trying to take cheap shots. I try to see outside the box and I don’t consider myself an ignorant person. Also, I’m not just skimming your blog and passing judgment.
I find it quite shocking that you would say you have no intention of leaving behind this line of work when your art pieces infer quite the opposite. Here are some notable quotes:
“Without love, everything can seem so pointless… I cannot force myself to love someone. I want nobody else. I have no desire to meet others. My heart is in exile.”
“Let me burn. Let me burn until there’s nothing left. I swear, I am only a body now… I am a beautiful body, who’s dead inside… Once, this beautiful body and face was filled with light within, but now, everything is gloom.”
“…and these nights drenched in tears, surrounded by abundance, has made me realize the most invaluable purpose of life: God (love).”
“The money they make from selling their bodies allows these materialistic prostitutes to buy the lifestyle associated with the high-class. Again, the values promoted by Western culture disgust me, because they poisoned me too.”
These are just a few of many examples. Clearly you don’t want to be this way. Performing sexual acts for money in order to “comfort” needy men is not truly what any woman wants. You can try to justify it by saying “it’s just a job like any other,” but the fact is this “job” requires you to sacrifice your inner value for a short-lived monetary gain makes it a lowly position. I think you have focused too much on the fact that society frowns on your profession and not enough on WHY society frowns on it.
Perhaps you know the term “dunya”? In Islam it refers to the life of this world (material posessions and debased lusts). This is what you are sacrificing your peace of mind and afterlife for. The Prophet (peace be upon him) said:
“Perish the slave of the Dinar and Dirham (forms of money), when they have it they are pleased and when they don’t have it they are displeased.”
Also during the time of the Prophet the following happened (narrated by Jabir ibn Abdullah): Musaykah, a slave-girl of some Ansari, came and said, “My master forces me to commit fornication.” Thereupon the following verse (of the Quran) was revealed: “But force not your maids to prostitution when they desire chastity.” [Sunan of Abu-Dawood]
I think my greater point here is that you don’t truly wish to be a prostitute. You said it yourself, the only thing enticing about it is the money. Money goes and comes and the things you buy with it don’t last. If you are willing to give yourself completely to something, let it be God. At least He will give you something that last forever in exchange for your commitment.
Salamu alaykom. I don’t know if you have accepted Islam or are just considering it, but I am assuming the latter because I noticed you saying “inshaAllah” in your blog and illustrating the concept of Ihsan.
I would like to clarify: ihsan in the Islamic context means perfectionism; doing the absolute best that you can in everything you do.
I see you may have some hidaya (guidance) and that is a good thing. I am writing this to let you know that you are strong enough to leave prostitution behind. Clearly you are intelligent (you have a command of the English language), you are in love with this man whom you call the Sheik and you have expressed clearly that you do not wish to be in this lifestyle any further.
Some of the things you have said about Western values are things that even the Muslims I know won’t admit. The freedom here is a beautiful thing, and it is a give-take for the consumerism and materialism.
I reccomend you check out a lecture by a man named Abdur Raheem Green. He is a revert from the UK and he has a talk on YouTube called “Sex Drugs and Rock & Roll (Or Is There More To Life?). It is very thoughtful and articulate and covers many of the things you have said in great detail.
I hope you make the right decisions to leave the clients behind (if you haven’t already). Someone with light in their heart will never be at peace in a dark place.
Waleykum asalaam Umar
Thank you for sharing that. I am aware of the meaning of ihsan. There is another interpretation of ihsan as beauty, but a beauty (perfection) that is reflective of the Divine (God).
It seems you have slightly misread my writings. You have the wrong idea about my lifestyle. I don’t sell my body in such a meaningless manner. I am also providing love, care and companionship. What I am doing is not bad. The ‘bad’ is the exploitation and social stigma (attitudes of society against us). Thankfully, I am not exploited nor am I doing any harmful activities. I am only exchanging comfort. My lifestyle cannot be compared to “Sex Drugs and Rock & Roll.” The sadness and pain I express in my blog is not from having sex with clients, but rather it’s from the consequences of doing this work in a capitalistic society (facing social hatred, legal stress, individualism, etc). Hope that makes sense.
Rather than lecture me about quitting this work, it’s more important to critique the social conditions that have created degraded forms of prostitution. Please remember, prostitution has not existed the same in every context. Historically, it was once an art that was based on meaningful connections — what exists today is very degrading, but I am in the small minority who conducts my lifestyle in wholesome manner.
Thank you for commenting, nonetheless.
How does one get into high class escorting ? It’s something I’ve wanted to do for Years. Also how much do you get paid (author)
Dear Exotic Escort’s Diary, I love your articles and I wish you a very happy life. If it’s not too much of a request, is it possible if I tell you my story/situation via email? Thank You.
I am in the U.S. to be honest to get help in this country with one child its one of the hardest way to go mostly when your not a citizen that’s my case, my situation financially its very very bad. I am stuck with hospital bill that its over 3000.00 dollars, i owe my bank so much money that it added up less than a year. I have a new born that made it more complicated couldn’t as much while pregnancy. For some of us there is not a lot of choices so where can choose from. I did body rubs before, i did it twice and it was one of the hardest decision of my life, its really good money because in one hour i made 200 that money helped me pay for some of my stuff but yet some mans they want more and that is one of the hardest situation because you have to control 100% and some guys don’t like that.
Hi i like this page for the fact that you give out so much information, but one of the reason that i am writing is because my situation financially its not so great at all, i have a baby and my income its not enough to leave one job. i really would love to spend more time with my baby but i need easy money with out working so much. I can work a full time job but not two anymore. I am very interesting on becoming a escort, something that i’ve been thinking about since a long time and just never dare on doing it. i really need some good advise because i never done this before. what should i do?
Your case breaks my heart. There are many escorts who are in your case (single mothers). They are driven to this job for the economic needs, yet most don’t really enjoy the act of selling themselves. But what better choice do they really have in a society that gives very limited alternatives? Please do not give up hope — I wish you can find an alternative to escorting. What are the social services for single mothers in your country? Please let us know and keep us updated.
I plan on being a psychiatrist or psychologists in the near future. If I become a escort, do you think it could mess up my career later? What I mean by that is will becoming an escort stop me from becoming a psychiatrist or psychologists?
Best of luck. Anything is possible.
I hope that you can be more open to other academic disciplines besides psychology alone. While fascinating, psychology can be limited in its outlook, as it doesn’t explore how social and cultural environments deeply affect our livelihoods. Studying the brain, alone, doesn’t tell the broader story.
Hi, I’m 19 years old and I am contemplating on being an Escort. I’m kind of scared to be one but I need money as I am in college. It’s not that I can’t sleep with men but I am afraid of what might happen if I become an escort, which can be anything right? I don’t really know what to do and I need some advice.
Should I do it?
If you are scared, then I really hope you do not do this work. A woman has to be extremely strong and resilient to endure the potential risks (exploitation) and consequences of living this life. Yes, escorting can be successful for a minority, BUT the sad reality is that many escorts are unable to deal with the stigma, the uncertainties, so many end up ruining their lives. Hope that helps.
It did thank you
Please disregard my last post
Hello Escort Diary. I am a 20 year old guy who plans to procure the services of escorts in the near future. I have some questions that I would greatly appreciate if you could answer:
1. How much does the average escort charge for a 1 hour session? Me being strapped for cash, I am very unwilling to spend more than $200.
2. Do escorts generally allow kissing and cuddling? For me, physical intimacy is much more important than mechanical, boring sex.
3. Do escorts generally allow their clients to perform oral sex on them? This is something I am very interested in doing.
4. Do escorts stay for the full allotted time period, or do they leave once their clients climax?
5. Is there any “escort etiquette” that I should know about?
6. I have heard that many escorts especially do not like servicing black men, for whatever reasons. Is this true?
Sorry I cannot provide set answers to your questions, because every experience between a client and escort is unique to the context. Don’t go see an escort with all these expectations — you will set yourself up for disappointment. Yes, it is possible to establish pleasure and intimacy with an escort. But be aware that most women are not doing this work for pleasure — they are doing this for money solely. As well, every escort has her own rules and limits —and more importantly, every experience also depends on the client too. Essentially, you will only know once you try — the experience cannot be predetermined.
Also, your limited money might affect how ‘intimate’ you can get with an escort. Generally, expensive escorts of an area are more likely to be open to intimacy, as they see less volume of clients. Cheaper escorts see more volumes of ‘less’ quality clients, and therefore more likely to be mechanical. I don’t know where you live, so I cannot say how much the average escort costs. The price varies in every city, depending on the supply and demand.
About black men: I live in area where there are not many black people in general. Even working in different places, I’ve noticed that black men aren’t a noticeable group of clientele for escorts. It’s very rare to find them as clients. The stereotype I’ve heard is that black men will be too ‘big’ to take. For me and perhaps other escorts, I only worry about a client being too ‘big.’ I’ve only seen a couple of black men in my whole escorting career, which were good experiences. One was a doctor, who was absolutely lovely. Most wise escorts don’t judge based on skin color, but rather are more concerned that the client is hygienic, respectable, politely mannered, generous, etc. Sadly, there are ignorant and racist escorts who do believe a client’s ethnic background determines his personality.
Ajunta, as ED said, you can not predetermine what the sex is going to be like. So my advice to you is to pay the minimum possible and visit again if you like it. As for intimacy, do not expect any. You are fucking a stranger so its not very intimate and you are gonna cum faster than usual too. Do not pay over $200 for your first time, just pay her tips later if you like it.
Wear a condom and be careful of oral sex. They don’t mind but you should. They will mostly leave after climax but some don’t mind going for round 2 and even 3.
Is there such a thing as too big? Most girls tell me the bigger the better. So go on and destroy’em with your black dick.
I wanted to thank you for your website.
I love your writing and thoughts because as an escorts the issues also
apply to me.
please keep on writing!
I would love to read more
Thank you kindly for your comment.
Speaking of FemDom, I’m about to work for a company who specializes in FemDom, specifically women of color. The fact that 15-30 shoots are booked per week says a lot!
I enjoyed finding your blog today and finding there are others out there. On Oct 1 f this year I met Versace, I was her client and booked her for a hour. It was a great experience with her, the best ever, but Iknow when I left that it was paid for. I felt a connection with her, but I was careful with my heart. She called me every day after. Always wanting more time and attention. We had lots of hot sex and great conversation, I never paid her again, in fact she took me out and paid for me. After 3 days she told me she loved me and I said it back, I was on a cloud with her, she was such a beautiful girl. I was 31, she was 21, I soon discovered she had a huge drinking and cocaine problem, daddy issues, lack of education, and money management problems. I didn’t care about this, as long as she was honest with me. She told me would only have sex with me, with her clients she would only Dom and fet. I fell hard for this girl, loved her more then anyone ever, she was super stressed out now because she had to move and had spent all her money shopping. She started distancing herself fro me, started snapping at me. She never had money but was always able to be drunk. Her grandmother died and she broke contact with me. 5 days later she asked to stay with me for a couple days, told me she loved me, but needed time,I was happy just being with her, I didnt need the sex. One night she called me and we went to the hospital, she had used a vibrator for over a hour and had internal bleeding. On Nov 1 I helped her move, the next day I came over and brought her lunch, she threw it in the garbage and told me to leave. On the way home, she texted me and told me not to call her again. When I asked her why she said because she wants someone on her level, my nose is too big, and I laugh too much. When I contacted her again she threatened to call the cops if I don’t leave her life alone. I loved this girl so much, but she has given me no choice but to abandon her. I want her back desperately, but she is so cold to me and only bullshits me, and won’t talk to me. This was a week ago, I accept her completely and would love to have a future with her. So confused right now, any advice?
Dude, that ain’t rocket science. Detach.
She sounds like she was using you.
Response to Andrew:
Sorry to say, move on!
I would like to thank the host of this site for her honesty and truth. Yes I fell in love with an escort and she fell in love with me, but when it was over and I had no closure about my relationship with her I found this blog and it opened my eyes to the truth. My former lover is not ready for love, 21 years old, she is too materialistic, she depends on money for status and could not be happy in having only one man spoil her while there are so many guys out there who have more money and want to spoil her. My former lover has no hope for a better life, briefly I gave her some hope, but when her grandmother died, two weeks in our relationship, she changed back to her former selfish, hopeless self. Drugs and booze, that’s what she wants more then me. I tried to be understanding, maybe too much so, but i tolerated it all. Even when she dumped me i still loved her, i still do. It is a very weird feeling loving and missing someone and also not wanting them and having pity for them. I can tolerate a lot, but the one thing i could not tolerate is the fact that she is in love with someone else. This man is also a prostitute, and this fact absolutely disgusts me, i try not to judge anyone, but when it comes to where I put my penis I do. I gave this girl my heart and she abandoned it and is now spreading lies about me, I am definitely done with her and I thank again the host for her blog because it opened my eyes to the light from the darkness 🙂
That’s not true …perhaps you never tell her, but you know the truth yourself .. You need to go and find and her tell her this face to face . Have you ever understand her past , her life experiences or as usual you just wanted in your own personal selfish needs . have spoke very negatively at this person that doesn’t sound true considering that we haven’t heard her story rather than your make up since things didn’t go your own way .
Just wanted to say, I really appreciate your writing. As someone who has been seeing escorts for two years, your articles made me think deeply. It is a strange subculture that I thrust myself into, and your blog is an outlet that I can relate to. I think you should write a book, too.
Thank you so kindly. It warms my heart to read this.
I just found your site and by far the poetry section is my favorite. As an avid writer and reader of poems, I think you have such a talent and look forward to reading more.
Thank you. I am deeply honoured by your comment
What does your last post “An Ending” mean?
I hope not an actual ending!
Yes, please. Warn us if it’s ‘the ending’. x
I don’t know how to describe what it means, unfortunately. Thank you kindly for asking Mr. Anoxxx.
Welcome back… Just know, we understand your decisions but will miss you if you leave. 🙂
i have been thinking about this for a about a year now. i even went down to Miami to start but ended up missing my family too much and came home, only to realise that they think of me as a failure because of our financial problems. i wanted to know what i could do to get my self more “ready” and not be as scared.
Its always a difficult decision because of the moral and social paradigm. If you really want to do it let yourself loose. If you can’t then just let it be. But if you decide to do it you must enjoy it else you can’t be a success. I have been in this for a short time and realiaed this. Also negotiating with the guys is always difficult and you will need to get that skill. Only the experience can teaxh you that.
I am sorry to hear that, and I understand the feeling of being ‘scared.’ I really wish you can find an alternative and do something else. It breaks my heart when women are lured to sex work against their own comfort. I realize, however, that you might have already made this choice. In that case, I can suggest to work in an environment where you know your safety is valued and ensured. For me, I am most comfortable working from my home. Since I carefully choose my clients, it’s probable they will be good experiences. And thankfully, they are.
Working in other settings, such as working in a brothel or for an agency, would for sure seem more ‘scary.’ I’m not sure how or where you are conducting your business, but hopefully it’s in a safe place. I can suggest avoiding outcalls, unless they are 5 star hotels. The concept of outcalls seems scary to me. I only did it when it was at luxury hotels with known clients, but otherwise no. Finally, I suggest to be cautious of whom you trust (including escorts, agency administration, etc) in this business.
I wish you safety and the best of luck.
Hi. I just came across your blog and I enjoy the topics discussed in here and the way you approach them, I have a few questions about the legal/illegal aspects of seeking the services of an escort. Specifically, I was wondering if you could discuss what the best way to contact an escort is and how to avoid getting in trouble with the law. Can one be charged with prostitution solicitation just for exchanging emails with a provider? Is it better to discuss the details of an encounter via email or cell-phone? Do you know of any instance where a provided provided law enforcement with the private information of her clients? Obviously, this hobby is not completely risk free (and maybe this is part of what makes it so exciting), but what are the chances, even for the the most experienced hobbyst, of getting into legal troubles? Disclaimer: I have never been with an escort before. My questions are just to satisfy my curiosity. Thanks!
Every country has different laws. Where it is illegal, I believe clients and escorts discuss the ‘business’ by using slang words (they don’t actually talk about sex in a literal sense — this is often what is illegal). I have never worked in a country where sex work is strictly illegal, so I cannot really tell you what’s the best way to initiate a booking.
I am 40+ and have decided to enter this industry. I found the local equivalent of craigslist around a month back. As I have reworded my adverts I am now getting the right kind of mail responses. I dont have a economic need to enter this industry but still want to be successful so economics will form a part of my results. Can you give me any advice on how I can build up my clients. I am really imprressed with your blog which I have studied in great detail. I am attracted to this field because right now I am in a sexless relationship. In my earlier relationship which broke around 15 years back I had a wild time with my partner. Since that time I have really missed the heat which I now know is only possible with multiple partners.
@poojjs To just get the heat back why you want to enter such a business..doing this because of ego won’t give you the peace of love that you are searching. 🙂
@darkroom The decision is made. I understand the way my emotions and life may go. Lets not discuss morals
Sorry for my very late reply. Your entry into the industry is quite interesting, and I wish you good luck and safe experiences. To be honest, I don’t really know how I built up my clientele. It’s an ongoing process. When I advertise, I carefully outline who I am, but still leave a bit of ambiguity. Being too straight forward makes one seem too mechanical, I suppose. I also show that I am discerning, myself, with whom I see. But unlike most escorts, I am not looking for an abundance of clients. I prefer the minority of quality clients over the quantity. Hope that helps?
Peace & Blessing to you and yours. I seek your council in the name of preventative medicine. By now I had enough women (non-escorts & escorts alike) to know that my oats are sewn. My values are leading me into an area where the thing to do now is to have one woman, and to be had by one woman. The thing is, over the years I have come to know myself enough to know that I love, LOVE working girls. I love them. I know it’s not all good all the time. I am not talking about being pleased by a girl that’s being forced or hooked on dope. That’s. But the woman that’s not in those positions, is a rally, really exciting woman to me. Working girls that choose the profession, are so exciting to me (I am getting a rush right now just typing about it). It’s not even all about being with them either. I like to be around them as friends, or whatever. It really turns me on to think about a female that is all like “How am I going to make my ends meet (or whatever)? I think ill get into the business of servicing men’s sexual pleasures”. Yeah….that pretty much makes my head explode.
So given your expertise and experience, what can you tell me about preventing this sort of thing from destroying a healthy marriage. I suck as a liar, so I figure full disclosure will be the way to go when the time comes. But I will not let it all ride on that. I am asking you because you are the expert.
….and obviously I am getting a kick out of socializing with you right now too lol.
I don’t know how to take your comment. Firstly, you should be careful when assuming high-class escorts “choose” this job. Your understanding of prostitutes seems really naive. Most girls who think “How am I going to make my ends meet” are really unhappy once they start this work…even if it’s high-end. Most are NOT joining this work based on an enthusiasm for selling themselves to strangers. Of course, they won’t tell you this. Only a small minority of escorts derive pleasure from their work and make the best of it (like myself). But most other escorts are not content.
I can understand now why you’re thirsty for multiple women — you’re naiveness probably prevents you from making a meaningful connection.
I am n Indian. I stay in Mumbai. Where do I find legally safe and beautiful escorts girls for pleasure. Internet has so many escorts agencies, but how do I know about , whether they are genuine or not?
Hey i am a young girl i go by nikkey i want to become a high class escort. I considered myself to have an exotic look also. I still live at home with my parents but i want to sell myself to pay for my finances also been a strange fantasy of mine for many years. I really do not know where to begin or to find clients or a great agency. Pretty new to this i found a few guys on sugar daddy websites but for some reason i feel like im selling my self short and not finding those wealthy higher end clients. and you please help me and give me advice on where i should begin. I just came across your blog today like a hour ago i plan to read the whole thing in two weeks lol. I would love your help and advice thank xoxo nikkey 🙂
i really enjoy your writing and appreciate your sharing your experiences here.
i met someone in your position a few years back through a random encounter in florida, both in our mid twenties. we were physically attracted to each other right away and had what you would call FWB thing going. i had no idea she was in the business until she told me a few months into our friendship. as i am an open person in matters of sex and relationships, it did not discourage me at all–she told me that she didn’t fear judgment from me after getting to know me a bit, so i became the first person whom she was involved with that she shared this information. i still remember how nervous and scared she was telling me this. i told her i’m both really fascinated and careful not to be too curious about it. since, we would occasionally make jokes about it and became somewhat casual about discussing her work.
i don’t think her work dictates all of this but she was very emotionally fragile, often would carry nervous energy and guilt, equal parts very cynical and sweet. it wasn’t one of those “where are we going” kind of intense conversations, but she told me one day that she gets really attached to her relationships and would like a traditional relationship–not necessarily talking about me, at least i don’t think. i told her that i’m not looking for a relationship, and even if i did, i would prefer open arrangement, as i have done in the past, that is based on love, trust and respect for each other’s independence.
one day, for reasons i’m still not entirely sure, we stopped talking. which i regret because i was beginning to want more than just friends. i don’t have any desire to “save” her from her work, and i really believe it wouldn’t have been an issue if we were to be together. i was beginning to imagine a scenario where i would just be supportive (although not financially as i’m not rich) in her plans to leave the profession as she told me.
it’s been about 4 years. we only send emails here and there. we don’t directly discuss it, but she’s still in the high-end escort business and i believe she’s not attached to anyone. recently, i’ve been thinking about her a lot. i like her in many ways. sex was variably really passionate and awkward at times–that is, it felt real–and just spending time together was always fun.
often we only focus on what the other person can do for your happiness. with her, i’m also intrigued by what i can be for her, someone that she can be honest with and count on being supportive when she’s ready to leave the job that she says she doesn’t like. i sympathize with how difficult that can be, with the lure of “easy” money, but it seems anything but easy from observing her emotional and social cost.
a long post, i know. maybe it’s not such a dilemma, nor so Foucauldian–perhaps she simply isn’t all that into me (lol). anyhow, thanks for this forum. you handle all different kinds of opinions so expertly.
Sorry! I actually took the time to locate on your blog how you were able to start out. Forgive me.
Hello! Can you tell me how you got started? I am trying to search on your blog but I wasn’t able to locate anything.
are you still working?
Just out of curiosity what city are you based in?
hello i love your blog and think that your a good writer i myself want to get in the sex industry as a high end escort with an agency (based in new York and live in London for now ) i have goals and think that the money could help me build wealth and have my own business i only plan to do it full time for less than 5 years and retire ( and probably move in a country where nobody knows me ) after my question for you is dont you have other goals , passion or desire for an other life with all the money that you make ?
Thank you for commenting and sorry for my late reply.
Sorry to say, but once you start selling your body…its not easy to just stop. It doesn’t work that way. Like you and many others, I once had this idea of working for 1 or 2 years, then retiring. In reality, we cannot work ourselves like a machine — we are human. We need love, family and friendships to keep ourselves happy — and in reality, this is not possible if we are too focused on making money (especially living a double life as a prostitute). Quitting is not so easy either, as we become used to the lifestyle. As well, some escorts establish regular clients, and it’s not easy to sever these ties, especially when good connections are established.
Unless you’re a sensual woman who likes the idea of meeting new and different men, I hope you don’t do this work.
Just a random question, do prostitutes remember clients that have visited them just one time, meaning not a regular just someone who has visited once & also do prostitutes remember irregular clients such as the clients visiting 2 maybe 3 or 4 times over the span of a year or 2?
It depends on her memory and how many men she’s seen. If she’s seen a lot of men, then surely she cannot remember all. I don’t remember all of my clients from the past, unless they stood out in some way. It has happened to me where I’ve seen a client and I forgot that I’ve seen him before (maybe even a few times).
Thank you for the reply
Dear sister, please email me. l would really appreciate your doing so. l do not feel comfortable posting here.
After 5 years it went from a business transaction, to lunches, to dinners to love. She wants a relationship with me. She wants me to live with her. She is smoking hot, smart and is the woman of many mens dreams and I’m terrified. First I’m married but my wife decided she didn’t like sex anymore (5 years ago). I told he not to be surprised if I have a girl friend. It sounds easy but how do you tell someone that you’ve been married to for 20 years that you are leaving…. My other and I have agreed to have some serious soul searching conversations. The woman I can’t live without.
Thank you for sharing that. It just makes me fascinated at how marriage (only in recent history) has been constructed as the institution for pleasure and love, rather previously as an economic, social alliance. I empathize with your situation, as many men are facing your situation (in a sexless marriage). If only partners could be more open to the needs of their spouse….
I visit an escort for the company and sex. I am in a sexless marriage and have been for the last two years. My sexual experience was very limited before finding my “e” on the Internet. So, now in my mid forties I realise that I have been missing a very satisfying part of life. My “e” is a wonderful girl who I actually care about. I know for her it is purely a business transaction and I have to be careful not to get to emotionally involved. What will happen? I think I will have to face up and stop being a coward, divorce will be the only solution for me, I can then find a partner I can connect with and have a fulfilling sex life. It seems that sex is more important than I first thought.
As for escorts in general I have only ever visited the one girl, I have no interest in others as she is all I need and she feels comfortable in my company, I also have the greatest respect for her as a person and treat her with respect and consideration.
Thank you for sharing that. It’s nice you can connect with the lady you see, and I’m sorry to hear that your facing this dilemma.
What do you think about the sex trafficking that forces many young women in to prostitution?
Any type of sex work where people are selling themselves against their will is terrible. This is very tragic, and it’s the outcome of an exploitative, unequal global economic system.
hmmm your so blessed intellect you sure picked the wrong profession 🙂
It’s not the wrong profession for me. I am a very sensual woman, and this is the perfect way of expression (through sex). Sadly, my experiences are not the reality for most other prostitutes. This profession has been made ‘wrong’ only because of current social, political and economic factors.
Hello! Just came across your site a few days ago. As a former escort of color, it is refreshing to hear another perspective. Agencies are horrid, so I tried doing it independently, which went great I am 25 now and have stopped escorting, mainly because I now have a boyfriend and I would feel guilty. But part of me is still driven to get back in the business, and do it “right. ” You know, advertising on Eros and not Backpage. Another thing stopping me is that escorting did harden me to a degree. I’m sure I was hardened before, but escorting made me colder and I’m afraid some of that shows in my interactions with men.
I’m torn because I want to (maybe more on management), but the money might not be worth ruining relationships.
Your blog is absolutely brilliant!
Thank you kindly for sharing and commenting
I know exactly the feeling of being torn between love and work. Sadly, I’ve seen many girls leave their work for love, but most return. Many of us get accustomed to having our own money and independence. We think we want to settle down, and even be taken care of by one man ….but then we miss the total control over our lives.
Nevertheless, It is possible to quit — you just have to be prepared and have support in some wholesome form. I wish you the best of luck and hope you can stay far from the sex industry.
I think what I’d like to do is just ween myself from the sex industry entirely. Right now, I may end up working as a booker for a high class escort. It would give me the freedom to pursue what I really want to do – write. One of my issues that I experienced escorting was that I focused more on the money than anything else. Most of my clients were nice, but I couldn’t separate the two.
Dear Escort Lady and Blog readers
Please find the link below to a documentary film on escorting in USA
Request post your comments if any
Love you all
Thanks for sharing.
The video was interesting. My only problem with sex-work documentaries is they don’t tell the whole story, nor can they capture the vast diversity of prostitutes themselves. The bias of these films are interesting to observe. This video is portrays part of the situation in the USA perhaps — But it certainly does NOT illustrate the reality for all.
Personally, I do not relate much to these women depicted in the video.
Two more reasons I can give to persuade you to remove this Indian pic is: (1) This reminds of famous stories and movies like Umrao Jaan, Pakiza, Amrapali – all forced into becoming courtesans. Not even a single Indian courtesan is known through history (even if there might be some) to have entered into out of own sweet will rather than forced by others. So, this pic will definitely evoke hurt in sensitive Indians and is also untrue because you have become a courtesan without being forced by anyone else. (2) Despite being involved in sex-work, you have not lost your humanity and this is very true for many girls who willing get involved into sex work. So, the best pic for your website is the picture of a lotus who though in mud represents purity. Use one such picture from google image search by replacing this Indian pic.
I just tried to persuade you and perhaps am at the end of my rope and will let go of this issue even if you do not agree with me. (Same trouble again – not allowing me to post without wordpress login – plz remove my wordpress blog and replace name by Anon if you approve this comment.)
Your writing is very hard to follow. All I can suggest is thinking outside your own paradigm of thought, and try to understand how much colonial discourse has influenced the way you perceive things — including the ‘revived’ interpretations of the texts you are following. The very fact you mention ‘purity’ shows everything about your paradigm of thinking. Your ignorance is the problem, not the picture.
Well, I think it’s rather sad that some people make such a problem about what images you use on your blog. If some people are troubled by a trivial element like this, it’s better for them to leave this blog.
You know, your header was the first element I became attracted to, before actually reading your posts 🙂
No point in more discussion as we are on deadend. Only thing I will say is what I do for a living, I will be too glad and proud if my kids or other family members also do that for a living. But, I am sure, will not want your daughters or sisters/cousins to follow your line. It is not societal conditioning which causes lack of emotional fullness to sex workers, but it is a voice from within because sex work is emotionally and spiritually destabilizing and hollow by nature. That’s the reason why even in countries where sex work is legalized, sex workers would not like their kids to follow the line and even wish they themselves would not have joined the line in the first place.
I guess that you are more aware of courtesans and kamasutra than various branches of Indian spirituality and also are very confident at this point (you yourself accepted that in this line, mood is up and then down), so whatever I said would not have made much sense to you. I conclude this discussion. Best wishes!
The only ‘shame’ in sex work is because we live in a society (modern) that has eliminated status with extramarital sex. It’s very apparent that you have internalized this idea. You feel the ‘sex’ is the problem with this work. I disagree: the problems/dangers of prostitution are related to politics of power, causing negative implications (exploitation, commercialization, social condemnation (stigma), etc).
If sex could be seen as an enjoyable, spiritual connection (rather than exploitative, shameful, and/or meaningless) then such negative attitudes wouldn’t be associated with sex companionship.
Anon seems like a sexually deprived man who hates a woman be in control and thus ends up raping them mentally and physically. I’m an Indian woman.. I don’t mind the images.. your work or anything else on your blog. Foolish Indians with a narrow mind have a new hobby of having an issue with every god damn thing and causing troubles in others life.. cause they don’t have anything better to do. People forget they aren’t perfect and they have no right to judge anyone else.
I wonder why you would waste your time on fools like such.
Keep ur chin up.. do what’s right for u.
Actually, having read teachings of so many sages including Buddha, Guru Nanak and many more, I cannot agree with you that controlling sexual desire is an Euro-centric moral theme. It has been present in teachings of all Indian sages and religions because physical passions have tendency to develop into addiction which harm us emotionally, intellectually and many times financially also. No sage said, it is easy to regulate physical passions. But, they are not asking everyone to eliminate them altogether, just to keep it to marital domain. There is no condemnation for prostitutes or even those who visit prostitutes, but only compassion. Indian culture has viewed non-violence as the biggest ethics – even a non-violent prostitute or a non-violent person visiting her is always better than a violent criminal as per sages’ teachings.
You have used an Indian photo to represent your being a courtesan. That is your choice. I objected because (1) I felt, an intelligent person like you should feel more identity (even if not able to executive it due to addiction to money at this point) with eternal spiritual stream of India rather than its peripheral aspects. (2) Once girls were forced into being courtesans, they were bound to develop survival skills like the art of love, seduction, dancing, etc. – this does not change my contention that most of the times they were forcibly made courtesans by others rather than choosing it out of free will like many modern day prostitutes. Hence, the pic of an Indian courtesan used on your blog still represents exploitation and perpetuates the wrongs of the past in a psychological sense and hence, will surely hurt sensitive Indians.
Anyway, do whatever you feel right because to each belongs his/her karma. You are quite intelligent and educated – it is just a slackening of will due to curiosity-driven addiction that is an issue here. I am sure, you will overcome the past and find true love and happiness in life which no amount of cheap money can give. I am using cheap money, because the unhappiness sex workers describe is not something experienced by those who earn money through non-sexual, non-violent work – rather that type of money gives amazing satisfaction and happiness. Sex work is not the highest baseline of humanity (spirituality > intellect > loving non-violent physical passions > commercial non-violent physical passions > violent physical passions for our souls) and our soul always aspires for the highest (spirituality, intellect and loving non-violent physical passions). Hence, even if society normalizes sex work (like has already been done in many developed countries), dissatisfaction is bound to remain. Best wishes for recovery and future life!
Thank you again for sharing. The European criminalization, categorization, and oppression of certain sexualities (as a form of regulating ‘normal’ and ‘deviant’ sexual activities) is not comparable to regulations of sexuality in ancient texts. Yes, regulation has always existed in different ways, in different cultures — but not in ways that left entire groups of people socially marginalized, status-less and left to fend for themselves. Michel Foucault explains this in his “History of Sexuality.”
I have a problem with your generalization of ‘Indian’ religious and spiritual teachings, because you are ignoring how these texts were heavily re-interpreted during colonization. Many ancient Hindu texts and practices were ‘revived’ during British rule and REINTERPRETED using European epistemology (for ex: using the European notion of psychology — such as seeing things as ‘addictions’). There are vast interpretations of the old texts, so what you are trying to say to me is just ONE narrative or interpretation.
I also have a problem with your usage of “Indian” culture, as “Indian” culture” is a recent colonial construction that homogenizes a vastly diverse population. It sounds you have a very nationalistic rhetoric, which paints your bias very clearly.
You are trying to compare the modern context of prostitution with courtesans of India (perhaps Mughal India) — it is not comparable, as the context was vastly different. The paradigms of viewing the profession were vastly different. Where do you get this idea that courtesans were forced into their life? Many were born into it, yet back then it wasn’t seen as such as threatening, exploitative, terrifying job. The films such as Umrao Jaan and Pakeezah are great films, yet they were films made in a modern context. Many academics have noted that courtesans in Mughal India and the Islamic world were a form of matriarchy, where females were able to retain not only status, but dominance over their own affairs. The context of the premodern world cannot be comparable to the capitalistic exploitation and mass poverty that exists today.
I appreciate what you shared despite I disagree with your interpretations. Indeed it is a sad reality that prostitution has been degraded, via criminalization and prude sexual mores. It’s sad that modern society thrives off individualism and mass consumption. It’s sad that women are vulnerable to sex work considering their options to have a decent survival (independently) is limited. It’s more sad when women internalize the idea that their sexuality is something to ignore or to feel shame about, whilst the society also internalizes this idea that sex workers are doing something wrong. If all these ills of modernity were not in effect, then prostitution could be seen as a beautiful thing — where companionship is an art, not a task. Where sex work is a means of fascinating the art of love, which can be seen as a union with Truth, itself. Yes, it has been degraded, but not in all circumstances. There is humanity and spirituality found in ALL aspects of life. I think you are clearly confused on prostitution, and have no idea what it entails…..but instead, you generalize so much that you miss the essence.