Category Archives: Sex

Escorting: Fears, Risks, and the ‘Girlfriend Experience.’

A female reader emailed me and posed an interesting question:

“I wanted to ask if you get any anxiety about stds? I wonder if escorts can ever feel very safe about meeting so many men who may infect them with something very serious.”

To answer her question: yes, when I first started escorting I had severe anxiety over many things, such as worrying about sexually transmitted diseases. Besides worrying about diseases, I was also worried that too much sex was going to damage me internally, by making me ‘loose.’ I wrote about that previously, which can be viewed here: https://exoticescortdiary.com/2012/03/02/the-myth-of-a-loose-woman/

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When I began escorting, I had very little sexual experience, thus I was a bit fearful of what having sex with strangers might entail. In particular, I was very worried that sleeping with multiple clients was placing me at risk for sex-related diseases. But once more familiar with the industry, I realized that the risk was very minimal as I used a condom for oral and sex. My introduction to escorting  began with a high-end establishment that instructed girls to be extremely safe. And by extremely safe this meant there was no such thing as the ‘GFE’ (the Girlfriend Experience). At this high-end agency, escorts risked losing their job if they were caught doing ‘extras.’ Back then, the owner of this particular establishment prided herself in having girls who avoided GFE. In other words, there would be no kissing, no oral sex without a condom, or anything that’s considered intimate-like. Nowadays, such cautious attitudes do not prevail, and virtually all agencies and brothels embrace more risky services associated with the various interpretations of GFE. Men want the closest to passionate sex as possible from an escort — which is why GFE is highly in demand. Every girl has her own interpretation of what GFE entails — it might be oral sex with or without condoms, it might be light kissing or deep french kissing, etc, etc. Yet despite some girls being a little more/or less open-minded for certain acts of foreplay, a condom is always used for sex in any situation.

I’ve maintained the same stance on being safe. However, there is a slight contradiction. As I mentioned before, I did/do cross boundaries with certain clients. Specifically, I give in to receiving pleasure occasionally. A lot of clients then and now were lovely men, who seduced me in a respectful manner. I seldom stop them if they are talented. In such instances, I lavish in my own vanity and pleasure….and I’d think to myself something highly arrogant, such as, “Ahhh, men pay me to give ME pleasure.

 

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To my readers, I apologize for my absence. I have been writing lots as always, yet most of my writings are half-finished as I’m doing the difficult task of incorporating ideology and context to my observations. What I aim to do is give my readers a broader understanding, and a more ‘academic’ feel for the sex industry. I seek to conceptualize rather than simply sharing my personal accounts. More importantly, I want to avoid ‘essentializing’ traits of men and women, or giving the idea of ‘universals’ for human behavior. In other words, many observed traits of men and women are not innate, but rather are socially constructed. I want to focus on the social conditions that set the norms and habits in certain contexts or circumstances. A lot of what I write is very much context constrained (for the most part, I am writing about ‘high-end’ escorting in a Western social context). Although the experiences and observations I write about are common occurances/trends, they are not universals (they are not traits experienced by all prostitutes cross-culturally, nor historically). I want to make these points clear in my other posts. In any event, I also wish to make this blog a dialogue, so I welcome my readers to comment and share their own perspectives.

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January 22, 2013 · 8:19 am

Your Questions, My Answers #4 – The Sex Industry and Human Sexuality

I love checking my stats for this blog and seeing the numerous search engine terms. It gives an idea of what people think about prostitutes. One thing that pops up very often is the question: do prostitutes get pleasure? I answered that question in previous posts. But I should restate it: we have sex with clients for money, not out of pleasure (even though some of us enjoy some clients). The other common misconception is that many people assume a whore (a sexually promiscuous woman) is synonymous with a prostitute (a woman who has sex for money). Ahh…it is interesting how we live in a world that’s obsessed with sex, hypersexual. Why is it such an issue? Well, human sexuality has always been political, and since the 19th century in the West, sex became a ‘moral panic’ issue within society. Why? Sexuality is associated with reproduction. What is the most important thing to national leaders? To control the reproduction of their society and future generations. Anyway, I won’t get in to that now….

 

Your Question: Should I get a female prostitute for my wife?

If its her idea, sure. Be sure to find a quality and genuinely sensual private escort (finding an escort who is genuinely in tune with her sexual desires — such as being intimate with other women — is not easy). Bare in mind, many escorts are willing to do ‘girl-on-girl’ for the money, but I cannot tell you how many times I’ve witness ‘girl-on-girl’ appointments where the experience was completely mechanical and fake. I’ve always fantasized to have a beautiful, wholesome woman to be my client. Or vice versa: I have the fantasy of being a patron for a beautiful, wholesome courtesan. But it’s just not common having a beautiful woman seek an escort (unless, in rare cases, she’s with her male partner).

Once I saw a couple. It was the woman who wanted to live out this fantasy. It was a very great experience. The woman was not particularly my type, but regardless she was lovely. I cannot explain the intensity of touching and caressing a woman while a man is getting so turned on by the very sight. Both a man and woman’s body is interesting for me, so I didn’t mind exploring a woman who wasn’t exactly my ideal. She made me cum, while her lover watched. It made me wonder if such openness between couples is a truly a good thing?

While some fantasies sound good in theory, are they good in reality? I used to tell my ex about my threesome fantasies. He loved when we talked about it, but he said that he would never do it. Why not? He said it wasn’t healthy for a relationship. His argument was this: if we do it once, then what if one of us has uncontrollable urges to do it again and again? I embrace being open in a relationship, but sometimes having no limits can cause havoc.

 

Your Question: As an Escort, How Much Should I Charge clients?

Basic economics 101: It’s the law of supply and demand, which varies from city to city. For instance, there are an abundance of ‘inexpensive’ women available in my locale. More women = lower prices. Less women = higher prices.  Dave Chapelle made a hilarious joke related to this, “If Pussy was a stock, then we’ve flooded the market! Women are giving it away too easy.

My price is in the higher-end range for my city, which also means I limit my clientele (since many men cannot afford my rate/rather restrictive rules). I adjust my rate depending on which city I am in. When I worked overseas the particular city was wealthier and therefore I could increase my price. There is a demand for ‘high-quality’, safe escorts for a more discerning clientele, but these type of women are a minority in the sex industry.

I must also note that not every girl can successfully charge high rates. Men have certain expectations with women who charge higher-than-average rates. For one, an expensive escort is expected to be exceptional in some way, whether it’s beauty, intellectual or sensuality (or perhaps the entire combination). Although part-time, I consider myself a very skilled courtesan. Over the years, I learned how to cater to the needs of a client and how to act like the companion that he desires. If a woman does not satisfy the expectations associated with her price, then she will not have repeat clients. She must be ‘worth it’, but again, one’s worth is also a perception.

 

Your Question: What do Girls do after Appointments?

We eat! I don’t know what it is about sex, but hunger and thirst follows afterwards. It’s a universal among escorts that we love eating (especially when we work in a brothel establishment together). We order food in abundance. Sometimes we make our clients wait so we can eat some chocolate or delicious delicacies. To be quite honest, I miss the ‘in between time’ when working at a brothel. The ‘in between time’ is when girls have a break in between seeing clients. We sit together, a group of girls (hopefully a good group — because escorts are infamous for their cattiness towards each other), we order food, some smoke cigarettes, we tease and laugh about our clients, and we discuss the most vulgar subjects. Many times the night turned into an all-girl party; we all made money, celebrated and laughed until it hurts. As an independent, I don’t get to experience any of that ‘female bonding’ anymore (which is also a good thing….escorts can be terrible influences on each other).

The ‘good’ girls never last long at brothels…they eventually move on to something or somewhere else. There used to be a good group of escort girls that I knew when I worked overseas. These girls made going to work fun. They were girls with other goals besides sex-work. Eventually the group disintegrated and we went our separate ways. It was during these female ‘in-between’ bonding times that I got to observe a lot of behaviors/realities/circumstances for women who are in the sex industry. Yet for the short time we shared together, we gave each other support.

 

Your Question: How to “fuck prostitutes and not get caught by wife?”

This mentality makes me cringe sometimes. I understand social pressures and not wanting to break-up the family, but the sneakiness of infidelity is alarming. The only infidelity that I don’t really condemn is with men who’ve been married for a lengthy time, and their wives (due to old age, disability, no interest, etc) do not have sex anymore.  But I do not feel sympathy for younger men, especially newly married men, who cheat on their wives just for the sake of ‘variety.’ If variety is what you desire, then opt for an open relationship or don’t get into a relationship with someone who expects monogamy. If only there was more openness in relations.

Once, I met a great client who was in an open relationship (his wife knew he was seeing me). They were a loving couple with children. They were educated and realistic about their needs. They had a private, semi-open relationship, complete with set boundaries. Both were permitted to see other people within reason, but the main restriction was: no sex with others. And that man, as a client, was utmost respectful of his wife’s restrictions and remained disciplined. Their relationship made me more warm towards the idea of an open-relationship (something I haven’t tried …it’s always been one-sided, in my favor).

Sadly, many men do go to lengths to hide their sexual affairs. They get private mobile phones, they slip away for an hour or so, and even bring their own soap. One of my married clients brings his own body-wash, because he worries that my ‘girly-scented’ soaps will make his wife suspicious.

 

Your Question: Why would an Escort want to stop seeing a client?

Well, as mentioned, some men develop strong feelings for us (which can make us uncomfortable). It’s problematic when the love is one sided (he falls in love, and we just liked him as a client only). Love is an irreversible thing…I can’t just tell a man to ‘stop loving me’ and he will switch his emotions off. Sometimes these men can also interfere with our personal lives, which gets overbearing. When I was overseas, I had a devoted client who fell in love with me, and we became quite close. However, I only just saw him as a favorable regular client of mine. He became obsessive, and I had to end it. (I will talk about him in a future post). There are also issues of morality. In rare cases, it is the escort who truly likes a client, and thus she might feel uncomfortable to continue seeing him as a client (but in most cases, it’s usually the first scenario mentioned above).

It might be shocking to know that I, as a sex worker, have my own morals. Sometimes clients are too candid about their personal lives. They openly tell me they are married or attached, or they have children, or their life stories, etc. In my brothel days, one particular client told me too many personal details about his life, and as a result I rejected him. Why? He was a very sweet man, but his life circumstances conflicted with my morals. When I first met him, his wife (as he told me) was heavily pregnant with their second child. He said he was working two jobs to make a good life for his family. He claimed his wife being pregnant as an excuse for no intimacy between them. He also stated how he loved his wife dearly. Yet ironically, he was spending a large sum of money (for him) to spend time with me. I couldn’t justify it. He wasn’t financially well off, and the money he used to pay for me could be put to better use (he could use that much-needed money for his family). For this reason, I advised him to stop seeing me. I told him to go home to his pregnant wife, and give her comfort, do something special for her , but don’t spend hundreds of dollars (that you really cannot afford) for spending one hour admiring an escort. It amazes me how far men will go just to have sex and be with a woman!

Did he listen? No, of course not. Men love women who are ‘unavailable.’ According to him, I was special. I was the only girl he saw. For him, he felt I was ‘worth it.’ But I felt guilty taking money that could be used for someone (his wife and child) who needed it more. So, I told him, once again, to stop seeing me. That was the last time, and soon after I stopped working in that particular establishment. Apparently, he still calls the establishment looking for me

 

Your Question: How to Make Clients Spend Money on You?

The only thing I can say is be yourself. Don’t be greedy, be thankful. I am an honest escort. I have been in many situations where I could ‘exploit’ the situation of my clients for gain. I know how to do it, but it goes against my personal ethics. I am a woman who has a heart, and therefore I cannot hurt people intentionally. I see the merit in honesty.

But! Unfortunately, not all escorts (or women, people for that matter) have honest intentions! I’ve seen plenty of women (working and non-working) who can lie, use and manipulate good people for their own selfishness.

I am not perfect. I have made mistakes in the past and hurt decent people. But it hurt me also.

If you are an escort looking for cheap and easy ways to “scam” a man…you are reading the wrong blog. It is an unfortunate truth that many women in the industry are not honest, and do give the honest ones a bad reputation.

 

Your Question: Do Escorts ever Fall in Love with One Man?

Why not? Escorts are human. Why do people assume that an escorts needs/desires are any different than a non-escort? Like any individual, an escort her own unique preferences. Ironically, despite the fact that most escorts defy social norms, I’ve observed many escort women who desire heteronormative relationships in their personal lives (ie: monogamy and marriage).

Personally, I can be loyal to my love, but I don’t know if I could be monogamous, however.

 

Your Question: Does Escort Work Ruin Her Sex Life? (Does Prostitution Ruin our Personal Sex Lives?)

It’s a logical question. One would think that having too much sex would be physically draining (especially because society assumes that women are hardly horny). I’m sure this is the case for some women, because too many women are still shy or unaware of their erotic capabilities. But personally, sex work intensified my desires. Sometimes, seeing clients is like a big tease (a build up), and makes me crave my personal lovers. In fact, I attribute that being with multiple clients taught me so many great things about intimacy. My experience with countless clients made me a better, more enthusiastic lover in my personal life. In this blog I focus on the implications of escorting, which are solely negative. But I have to say being a prostitute gave me access to some sexually-talented men, and contributed to me being in tuned with my body and thus experiencing an amazing personal sex life. Something about being a courtesan makes me feel sexually assertive, and enhanced my dominance persona with men. Perhaps this reason could explain why most clients are concerned with making sure I get pleasure.

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Filed under Bisexual, Facts About the Sex Industry, Questions for Escorts And Clients, Sex, The Escorting Business

The Myth of a “Loose” Woman

Well, what is the term loose? Webster dictionary defines loose as: not tight-fitting; not dense, close, or compact in structure or arrangement; lacking moral restraint (unchaste), etc.

Thanks to the diffusion of oppressive Victorian notions of sexuality, many societies today view prostitutes and women with multiple sex partners as  “loose” women. “Loose” in this context has a negative meaning. It signifies that a woman is morally de-valued, because of her ‘loose’ morals and ‘loose’ vagina. The misconception is that her vagina is less tight because she has frequent sex — and in this narrow mentality, a woman’s sexuality supposedly determines her inner qualities. Of course, this concept of being ‘loose’ has no validity at all, but rather is the outcome of hegemonic discourses aiming at maintaining gender inequality. These stereotypes of “loose” women are constructions that serve a political agenda — in this discourse, a woman’s sexuality is a threat to the institutionalized norms of patriarchy. But in reality, a woman’s vagina size does not get bigger as a result of frequent sex with multiple men. The only way a woman’s vaginal canal size increases is, perhaps, by delivering a child vaginally.

When I first entered the sex industry, I thought frequent sex with random men would damage my sexual organs. Essentially, I thought I would become ‘loose.’ This really worried me, until I realized my assumption was incorrect. In fact, exploring my sexuality made me physically ‘tensed’ by way of orgasm. My job as a prostitute exposes me to multiple men, and this variety allows me to explore a diversity of sexuality with some talented men. These talented men made me orgasm in various ways. An orgasm requires contraction of kegal muscles, which can make the vagina more tense (tight). My ex, for instance, always made me orgasm, multiple times. I could have sex with him after seeing multiple clients; rather than being ‘loose,’ having lots of sex actually made me physically tensed, or tightened. An orgasmic vagina usually tightens, especially during climax.

I should also define the main two types of sex that women encounter: sex based on equality (where her orgasm is equally essential for pleasure as his), and unequal sex (the kind of sex that is akin to most porn, where the woman does not actually orgasm). A woman who orgasms often, and knows her body well, has sex for her own pleasure. She cannot be satisfied without an orgasm. On the other hand, there are women who have sex without even knowing about their own body or it’s pleasure potential. To compound further, these women may have a partner who also has no idea (nor interest) about the female orgasm.  A woman who doesn’t orgasm isn’t strengthening her muscles the way an orgasmic woman does. So while a sexually passive woman may not be “loose,” she doesn’t become ‘tensed’ when excited as she has not made much use of her vaginal muscles. A lot of men and women don’t realize this — so calling a woman ‘loose’ for having too much sex is actually incorrect. In fact, men who have experience with orgasmic women are well aware of this beauty — a woman who orgasms makes the sex extremely euphoric, passionate and addicting.

My theory is that women who have frequent orgasms through sexual activities enable a ‘snugness,’ which is due to frequent use of kegal muscles. However, valuing a woman based on the ‘tightness’ of her vagina is very shallow. If one thinks good sex is based purely on physical components (ie: size of vagina), then they have a poor comprehension of what brings great sexual pleasure. If anything, people with overtly superficial expectations on others probably have the worst sex. Any wise person knows that physical components are only one fraction of numerous other inner qualities that contribute to beautiful pleasure. Sadly, there is a tragic abundance of ignorant people who believe physical shapes and sizes are essential to desire — without realizing, many people with narrow mentalities actually limit their access to true pleasure/intimacy. Women come in all different shapes and sizes, as do men. There is a “fit” for everyone, which is linked by chemistry more so than the physical aspect.


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Sex and Beyond

Before I entered the world of high-class prostitution, I had virtually little sexual experience with others. However, I was deeply sensual and curious. Back then, in my late teens, I didn’t even know that a man could bring me to orgasm. For one thing, bringing myself to orgasm used to take a lot of effort. Little did I know that some men make it their goal to spend a great deal of time giving pleasure.

I often feel that being a prostitute has made me a very passionate lover. I really love sex (only with those I love and/or have chemistry with, of course). I am fortunate that my facade (the exotic and busty girl-next-door) attracts a lot of romantic clients, clients who get pleasure in pleasing me. It is some of these clients who’ve taught me about the wonders of my body, and what feels good.

When I was around 19, a gentleman, who happened to be a client, gave me my first non-self-induced orgasm (previously, I had my first orgasm by myself). I learnt that pleasure-giving-men know how to make a woman feel relaxed — and most importantly, they are patient. He spent such a long time kissing nearly every inch of my body, edging me and teasing me purposely. In fact, he purposely teased me by avoiding my most sensitive areas. By the time he reached my nipples, my valley was flooded with arousal. Once his tongue went between my inner thighs, I was intensely aroused. Coming with his warm lips and mouth was bliss. After him, it gradually became easier to come with talented men. My ex-fiancee in particular made it his duty to make sure I always have intense orgasms, in any fashion that I desired.

I have always been a very aroused lady. As I wrote before, the ironic thing about being a courtesan is that ‘work’ sex makes me crave ‘real’ sex. As mentioned, some clients (regular clients that I know well and trust) can make me orgasm. However, the reality is sex for ‘work’ doesn’t do much for me. A client who makes me orgasm does not make me lust for him necessarily. While I may get pleasure from a client, my feelings can remain indifferent since there is no love. However, a man that I genuinely desire, who makes me orgasm, entices me to be playful and heighten our pleasure. There are no sexual boundaries with someone I love.

A fellow escort once ridiculed me angrily, because she found it ‘disgusting’ that I could get pleasure from some clients. Ironically enough, when escorts socialize together it is actually ‘uncool’ for an escort to admit she enjoys sex with some clients. Most sex workers I encounter do not ‘get off’ with their clients, and can’t even conceive of the idea. Even more ironic, escorts judge each other as ‘whores’ depending if she enjoys her clients or not. Paid-sex is typically ‘mechanical’ between working girls and their clients — the sad reality is most girls are doing this for the sole purpose of money. Just because a woman sells her body does not mean she’s discovered the beauty of pleasure or has discovered her own sexuality (sadly) — I think a lot of people do not realize this about prostitutes. On the contrary, my personal experience only reflects a small minority of prostitutes, who try to make the best of work and enjoy clients when possible. If a man is respectful, impeccably hygienic, discerning and generous, then I may let him seduce me (within limits, of course).

‘The girlfriend experience’ is a term working girls use to describe an ‘extra’ service. Regular service with a client consists of sex with a condom, blow-job with a condom, no kissing, no touching or licking her pussy. The ‘girlfriend experience’ on the other hand includes kissing and allowing the man to perform oral sex on her — in other words, sex that’s similar to being with ones girlfriend. Additionally, no high-class working girl has sex without a condom, unless she is insane. Any form of unsafe sex among high-class prostitutes is looked down upon, and deeply condemned amongst the working girls ‘codes of ethics.’

So despite my rant on safe sex, I contradict myself because of my actions with the Sheik. Technically, the Sheik is a client because he pays for our time. However, he is also my lover and friend. The sex we have has no limits, because it’s emotional and based on love. It is the strangest and most confusing scenario I’ve encountered, the Sheik and I.

My hormones are raging this week. I am flushed with desire. I can’t wait to see the Sheik and unleash these desires.

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