Category Archives: Relationships

Husbands Who Cheat With Escorts/Prostitutes

Broken-wings.jpg

A wife calls me. She discovered her husband has been cheating, with me, and others perhaps. Over the years, I have had to speak with a few other wives/girlfriends of clients. Strangely enough, each of these women share a similar patience towards me, the escort. They do not abuse me over the phone as one would expect. I often hear, “I know it’s your job, and I know you are probably doing it just for money, so I am not upset with you.”

The most heart-breaking part of speaking to the wife of a former client is when I hear the cries of small children in the background of the phone call. Coincidently, the last three wives who contacted me all said at one point, “Can you hold on for a moment?” while they attended to a crying baby or toddler. I hear small children making noise for their Mothers’ attention, while their Mother is emotionally destroyed from discovering her husbands infidelity. It is such a tragic scenario.

Up until recently, I usually was brief if a client’s wife or girlfriend called me. I denied knowing or associating with their husband, and said “This is my job. I see married men all the time and I do not ask about their personal lives. Sorry but there is nothing else I can say.”

But recently, I could not remain stoic with a sad wife who called me. I felt terrible for the woman on the other end of the line. She had just given birth, only to discover her husband’s thirst for other women. I wanted to cry with her for the deception that has ruined her world. What makes everything all the more confusing for these wives is that often their husbands are sweet men –some of my married clients are some of the most kindest, generous and loving type of men. But if someone can risk ruining another persons well-being to benefit themselves, are they really that great? How can someone casually cheat someone they supposedly love? Not all marriage scenarios are the same, however. Indeed, there are many cases I have observed where the husband cheats because he is purely selfish, apathetic and has no sense of appreciating what he has (a.k.a  he’s stuck in the deceptive ‘grass is greener’ fantasy). And then there are other cases where couples have little-to-no sex life at all, nor any sexual chemistry — and then the husband goes to escorts due to sexual deprivation. The reasons are complex, indeed — and moreover, it doesn’t help when one lives in a society that indirectly promotes cheating others for self-gain.

Things Are Not What They Seem: Picture-Perfect Deception?

The irony I have discovered is the fact that many married clients have very beautiful wives. Yes, beautiful women are cheated on commonly. It is only ironic because many people mistakenly believe that being ‘beautiful’ is enough to keep their partner sexually satisfied — women commonly make this wrong assumption. Genuine sexual bonding has very little to do with physical looks — sadly, many people do not realize this. We live in a world where people are lead to believe that sexual chemistry is found in those who appear sexy — appearing ‘sexual’ outwardly has no correlation to being internally sexualit is internal qualities that contributes to the sexual energy transfer between two bodies (a.k.a. chemistry).

Some regular clients show me pictures of their families and their wives. Some even show me their social media, where they have photos of their families. Ironically, many of my married clients have ‘picture perfect’ families. Recently, I googled one of my clients to check if he was using a real name or not. Incidentally, I ended up on the social media of this client’s fiancee. Her entire social media portrayed the picture-perfect life, complete with endless cute photos of her and her hubby-to-be. Sadly, little does she know that her future husband had traveled to another country to meet an escort, me. I imagine that outsiders may look at her life, or others like her, and wish they had what she portrays …..but little do outsiders know that her ‘picture perfect’ relationship consists of a husband who acts on his desires for other women. This only reiterates the realization of how much deception exists in life, especially in a time where people are obsessed with misleadingly showcasing themselves and their ‘lifestyles.’ Outsiders, generally, assume the same for high-class escorts — they assume escorts are satisfied for getting paid to have sex in comfortable settings — they don’t see what happens behind the scenes. I cannot count how many people I’ve met who are depressed because they feel their lives are not measuring up to the ‘perfect’ and ‘glamorous’ lives of people they see in real life or on social media. For such people, I always try to emphasize as much as I can, “Believe me, things are not what they appear to be.”

The Question of “Why Did They Cheat?”

The other day, I decided to share some of these thoughts with a regular married client of mine. I told him about the most recent cases of wives calling me. I have known this client for nearly 6 years now, so I was comfortable to discuss the sensitive subject of “cheating” with him (after all, he is married). We then got into a discussion of “Why?” I asked him, “Why do you come to see me?” Just as he has told me before, he said that him and his wife almost never have sex. Though, since we’ve been meeting over the last 6 years, he did have a baby with his wife between this time. His wife only allowed sex for the purpose of baby-making. I then asked, “What if you and your wife started having sex more often, would you still need to see other women?” He then explained that if he got sex from his wife, he would have no incentive to find it elsewhere. He also added, “But since I met you, it would be difficult to stop seeing you now.” And me, being myself, said, “I hope one day you won’t have to see me anymore.” I then asked about his wife and her sexuality — like many others, she shared the trait of being physically beautiful, yet lacking any desire for sex. What is one to do in this case? There is no simple answer. 

The purpose of writing this post was to share sympathy for wives of cheating husbands. Thank you for understanding that I and other escorts are doing this for money/survival. To married clients, please think twice about how much you are potentially hurting someone — be honest, be real.

If you are the spouse of cheating partner, what was your experience? If you are married man who see’s escorts, how do you justify it?

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Filed under Emotional Aspects Related to Escorting, Marriage, Relationships

The Conflict: Falling in Love with A Prostitute/Escort – Part 1

drenched rose

As if love isn’t already complicated among ‘normal’ individuals, but how immensely complicated is LOVE with a prostitute. Love with a woman who shares her body to numerous others.

There is a theme of responses on my blog: a man loves a woman who sells her body and he seeks advice. My blog consists of numerous comments by men who have expressed a deep conflict in reconciling their love/emotions with a sex worker. The responses range from wholesome male lovers of prostitutes, whom express deep concern and understanding about the well-being of their lady-love, and then there are others, whom express hostility towards women-of-the-night.

Why does this conflict of love with a prostitute exist? Why are men writing to my blog with confusion, burning hearts, and pain from their experience of loving a prostitute? Why can’t a prostitute simply quit her work if she truly loves another? Can it really be love if she is still sleeping with other men? How can intimacy between a prostitute and her lover be special if she is sharing her body with other men? I attempt to answer such questions on my blog, given that other wholesome outlets are scarcely available.

In Love with a Sex Worker? A Word of Caution When Seeking Advice from Outsiders and others who claim to know:

Not all women who sell themselves are the same. Yes, there are similarities in certain aspects, but also great diversity in our personalities, lifestyles and upbringings. Therefore, one must be cautious when seeking advice from outsiders who tend to premise their arguments on the notion that all prostitutes have the same motivations, values and lifestyles –such sterotypes are invalid. Seeking any wholesome advice on being in love with a prostitute is very much prone to bias from outsiders who have little-to-zero personal experience with such women (outsiders who’s perspectives are shaped heavily by stereotypes)– It is important to remember that just because someone knows/visits prostitutes does NOT mean they got personal with them.There are so many disgusting attitudes that exist in forums and other internet sites about prostitutes in general, which is the result of a over centuries worth of discourses aimed at reducing prostitutes into degraded stereotypes. It is very easy to dismiss a prostitute as being “soulless,” “selfish,” “lazy,” and “having no dignity” if her behaviour is upsetting to someone. This mentality is not only erroneous, but lacks any sense of empathy or broader understandings. One commenter (“Mike”) on the blog epitomizes this hateful mentality. He commented in response to a paragraph I wrote:

“An escort is no different than any other human being. Yes, her lifestyle is different, but she/he is deserving of love, acknowledgement and care just as anyone else. Sadly, society still holds this view that such non-conforming groups are un-deserving of basic human dignity. Such cruel view needs to be challenged.” – Sahar

“Mike’s” Response:

I have to completely disagree with this view; and I say this as a hobbyist who has dated a Korean prostitute in Los Angeles. The only reason why I dated her was because I was led to believe she was going to quit her line of work and to be fair I promised to quit hobbying. I was genuine and she was filled with lies.

Yes, people are deserving of love…all people who choose to be in a monogamous relationship. The reality with most women who sell their bodies is this–they are very selfish, self-centered and jealous. It is okay for them to sell their bodies 8-10 clients a day but when her boyfriend needs a release and goes to another provider (because the gf/escort won’t see him at her work place) she gets very upset. Talk about a double standard.

Personally speaking, if an escort truly loves someone, she would understand her line if work would be very difficult for a man to deal with. Knowing this, true love would lead her away from her kine of work. It’s called compromise and respect. But it appears escorts simply want everything their own way and want a man to love them in the same fashion a man would love a genuinely kind and respectable woman who isn’t a prostitute. That is very very very…unreasonable in my opinion.

What I found amusing, during a heated argument I told her she is a deceitful, compulsive lying, trash of a person. A whore. A prostitute.

“I can’t believe that is how you think of me!” She exclaimed. Well, what am I to think of her? Classy, elegant, trustworthy, respectful? ?? She screws over a thousand men a year for money when most other women make something of themselves by working hard, going to school etc… she made a deal with the devil and when she is old and grey on her death bed…that is when it will finally hit her–OMG, I will die as a whore.”

What is apparent from Mike’s response is his complete lack of understanding why the lady continued to sell herself, why she couldn’t just quit so easily, why she is hesitant to give up her independence, and moreover, why she doesn’t resort to working for a 70-90% reduced income at a ‘normal’ job. How does Mike rationalize this? He just reduces her to a whore, in a derogatory, stereotypical sense. Yep, according to him, that explains everything. There are many Mikes in this world, both men and women. That’s what happens when a population is constantly bombarded with hateful propaganda towards a certain group, they internalize it. Such tactics are no different than the internalized racism that is prevalent in the world today. It is the laziest form of incorrect reasoning, but what can one expect? We are not all given the liberty of pondering about the wider implications of the human experience. I thought it might be worthy to share my response to the “hobbyist” aka Mike:

My Response:

“One reason I wrote this blog was to complicate terms and concepts that are prevalent in society about escorts/prostitutes, such as labelling them as: selfish, lazy, whores (in the derogatory sense), etc. I wanted to show how and why these attitudes exist, and how they are constructed by whom and for what purpose. And yet your comment, which is not surprising, fails to grasp any of what I’ve tried to convey.

First off, since you subscribe yourself as a’hobbyist’ I am quite sure your mentality of escorts is quite disheartening. Your comment is indicative that you are one of those people who fail to ‘read between the lines.’ You’ve taken your own experience of ‘not getting your way’ with a woman whom happens to be a sex worker, and then you make the hasty generalization that most escorts are “selfish, self-centered and jealous.” And from your experience, there is not one ounce of trying to understand the underlying issues, nor the underlying meanings of her actions, perhaps.

From what you have written, it is clear that you have accepted the so-called ‘moral’ social norms within society, and thus you have ZERO comprehension of how societal norms are socially constructed (often to serve political agendas). So, let’s take a look at the typical norms that you have clearly internalized (ie: accepted as ‘righteous’ without any critical analysis). Firstly, according to you, women whom have sex with multiple men are somehow terrible ‘immoral’ people. Secondly, according to you, women whom are sex workers are apparently undeserving of love/commitment if they cannot quit their job. With your logic, you fail to realize that most women do not actively ‘choose’ this lifestyle, but rather were ‘pushed’ into it for economic factors. As hard as it is to understand, yes, a prostitute can be loyal to a man she loves whilst seeing other clients — you clearly cannot understand this. But let’s imagine if a prostitute did, in fact, enjoy some of her clients or perhaps she does NOT want to be monogamous — is she suddenly a terrible immoral person? Clearly, a woman’s sexuality that’s not ‘controlled’ is very threatening to you (which again, is not surprising, because that’s what our current society tells us).

I’m glad this Korean woman is not with you, because she deserves a man who has a better understanding of the things she keeps silent. You are quite naïve to think a prostituted woman can simply just leave her work for love or that leaving her work is a requirement for love. There are lovers of prostitutes who understand the emotional conflict that prostitutes face. These decent men are patient, compassionate and understanding. Rather than reduce her to being lazy, selfish, or a ‘whore,’ decent men actually try to understand sex workers and are willing to take on an unconventional relationship for the sake of love. Yes, it can seem that many prostitutes are simply living for themselves, and thus one gets the impression that they are ‘selfish’ or perhaps ‘lazy’ because they don’t want to conform to the capitalist work ethic. But there are so many complicated factors of WHY women are doing this, WHY they cannot quit so easily, WHY they feel its better to stay in the industry and be independent, WHY women are stigmatized for living alternative lifestyles, etc. I am glad that woman left you, because clearly she deserves a man who loves her and can stay loyal to her whilst understanding that leaving her job is not so easy.”

exotic-courtesan-painting

Breaking the Stereotypes:

In this post, I do not mean to imply that all escorts are decent beings. Indeed there are escorts who happen to be, perhaps, selfish and heartless, but that is NOT solely because she happens to sell herself. I’ve witnessed in other internet discussions where sometimes prostitutes, themselves, aid stereotypes such as “prostitutes are always acting” or “they are masters at faking love and emotions.” Other ideas one commonly hears is that “a prostitute will have sex with anyone for money”– a notion exists that we all apparently have NO standards when it comes to making money. These stereotypes irritate me since I am a prostitute and those ideas do not represent me at all. As mentioned previously, I never fake love or even fake orgasms. Again, not all escorts are working within the same dynamics or have the same motivations. For instance, an escort who has a pimp and has a very hardened outlook on clients will have a very different persona/lifestyle than an escort, like myself, who works part-time and doesn’t view all clients as one monolith. Even within each dynamic, diversity will exist. One must remember that good and bad exists in all walks of life. For those in love with sex workers, one should view their lover as a human first — sex work does shape one, but does not make one any less good or evil.

We’ve all been in one of those situations where someone makes a casual remark about how “you can’t trust whores” or they will rationalize a woman’s behavior by simply stating “Well, she’s a whore, what can you expect.” As I have tried to illustrate in this post, this logic is flawed and dehumanizing. I wonder how people would feel when they realize how many everyday prostitutes (who did not actively choose to be in the sex industry) are living very private lives, are only having sex for love or money (survival), and still retain common decency.

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My apologies that this post did not give much advice for those in love or having feelings for a working lady, but I recommend browsing the comments in my blog where I answer such questions. Below is recent advice I gave to a gentleman who asked how he can better understand his lady love:

“Be strong and expect hurdles [in the relationship] — it is normal. She will likely have a hard time changing her lifestyle, and it may take time. Give her time. Be patient. Be realistic. And be supportive. Ask her clearly what she wants. If there is mutual love between yourself and her, then don’t listen to the negative perspective of outsiders (whom clearly don’t understand that prostitutes are human like everyone else).”

Here is great link that gives wholesome advice for men who are in a relationship/in love with a prostitute. Here is the link Below:

How to Date a Sex Worker

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For my readers: What has your experience been?

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Filed under "High-class" prostitution, Relationships

A Letter of Acceptance and Sorrow – Irony with Purpose

Is it a mere coincidence that my fate unfolded as it did? After I brutally discarded my ex-finace and broke his heart, I was met with the so-called fruits of life (wealth, praise, luck). Yet in an ironic twist, such ‘fruits’ didn’t bare any meaning in the long term. Is it a coincidence that another great man, the Sheik, came into my life…and isn’t it ironic how this great man can only ever be a temporary bliss? Is it ironic how I get all this admiration from numerous men, yet I am so deeply isolated in my thoughts and emotion? There is a reason for everything. I accept my fate.

heart

My mind comes backs to dear person I once met in my life. A short encounter, yet a meaningful encounter. He told me of an old proverb (from an unknown source). He said there are many disabilities that are not visible to the eye. For instance, we often view people with disabilities as someone who has a visible problem, such as being blind, handicap, etc. We look at these people and feel thankful that we are not in their condition. We pity them. Indeed these people endure hardships. But we also fail to look at disabilities that are not visible to the eye, such loneliness, pain, depression, hopelessness. There are many forms of pain, and suffering….and often they not visible or known. I do not pity myself. What I endure is something that I can, thankfully, manage. But my heart often cries for those who cannot manage. There are people with worse conditions who do not even protest or seek help……I wish those people all the best, for their courage. When I say I am suffering, I am not asking for help……I am thankful for this, ironically. Pain opens my eyes, to the light from the darkness.

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

If this is Your way of punishing me for the terrible things I did in the past, then I accept it. But I just ask, in perhaps a selfish way, of how much longer will I be punished? Perhaps I deserve it. Perhaps I don’t even deserve to know how much longer I must endure this suffering. But I know You did this for a reason, and I am so thankful for all the experiences in my life, both good and bad, because I know You are doing the best for me .

5 years ago, I met a met a man whom I deeply hurt. He was my lover, my life partner, a man who was the light to my darkness. He was like a Sufi poet, who was devout in his love. Like that of Akbar the Great Mughal Emperor and his love for his non-Muslim wife Jodha, he accepted me for who I was. He had so much love in his heart, so much love to give. He asked for nothing in return. He only asked that I hold his heart in mine. He proposed that we make a family together, and stay together as husband and wife. So for almost 3 years, we lived like husband and wife being engaged, and we dreamt of having a family. Like any true lover, he sought to protect me. I saw how he truly would fight against his own life to keep me safe and protected. But those were ideal times. The reality is that I was full of darkness and hatred, and I introduced my sorrows into his honest heart.

My ego killed not only us, but it crushed his soul. I left him. I left him alone, without any emotional support. Yes, I had the ideal love, a man who gave up his life for me, lovingly and sincerely. A man who put me first. A man who accepted me as I am, and was willing to do whatever to protect me, fight for me. And suddenly, because of feeling I needed to ‘live my life’ I abandoned him.

The sad part of our story is that I was a selfish, egotistic person when I was with him. I didn’t appreciate his love, his kindness and his generosity. I was dominant in our relationship, which he enjoyed. He made the money, he paid the bills, but it was me who decided what to do with the money. I made all the decisions, which didn’t bother him at all. Yet all the decisions were to benefit myself. I never thought of his needs, which his only need was that I keep him in my heart. I only thought of myself throughout our relationship. He tried so hard to please me. He cooked gourmet meals for me, he bought whatever I wanted, he made love to me to make sure I get pleasure in abundance and before his own, and he made every effort to enjoy the same hobbies as I, such as reading and writing. Yet despite his perfection, I was so blind. I criticized him, I put down his confidence, and I made him feel like he was worthless. If I deserve any punishment, the punishment should be severe. I deserve the worst for what I did.

So yes, I had a man who loved me more than himself, who moved across the world to start a life with me. And I left him. He invested money and everything he had into me, but mostly he invest his heart. His heart, which I broke and abandoned. After we seperated, he wrote to me beautiful letters. He would ask me to reconsider my decision – he asked me to come back to him

After I left him, I was quick to do whatever I wanted. I jumped right into another relationship, with the Sheik (like my ex, also a client). I had everything I thought I wanted: freedom to do whatever I want, a generous Khaleeji lover, all bills and expenses paid, generous amount of savings, my own place, etc. But then I realized how miserable I was. I traded a perfect man for a fake life, a life of insignificance. And what is the cause of all this? My ego. The very idea of needing to cater to myself is the biggest evil in my life. In the process of ‘bettering myself’ I neglected so many people – and inevitably I neglected myself in the end.

So I sit here, with money, material abundance…everything I thought I always wanted. But I realize how deeply unhappy I am, because I have nothing with true meaning. Material things give temporary happiness, but it brings zero meaningful or wholesome feelings. What is missing in my life are things that money cannot buy. The things I desire are family, good friendships and love. And to have a family with security and protection (something I didn’t have) I desire stability with the man I love — a man that I once had, but I threw him away. So now I am being punished. Punished for my selfishness. And I deserve every tear that I’ve cried. I deserve every moment of loneliness and wondering if life is even worth living if I have to continue this way.

holding hands

The irony of it all, I have someone. I have my Sheik. Is it Your way of testing me? It this my punishment? Is it Your intention that another amazing, perfect man entered my life? And it is just a coincidence that he can never marry me or give me children? If so, I accept Your punishment. I accept my tears. My Sheik resembles my dear ex-fiance in that he does all that he can to please me, and does so lovingly and with sincerity. Bless his heart. Anything I need, he gives it with pleasure. The Sheik’s infamous words to me are, “Min Ayouni ya omry,” which min ayouni essentially means ‘from my eyes‘ in Arabic, or in English interpretation, “It would be my pleasure to do anything for you.” We cry in each others arms when we discuss our future. I swear to myself that I will leave him, and at times I’m often determined to do so. But the reality is I am so attached to him. Every part of my life has been incorporated with his life. Yet at the end of his studies, the truth will become reality: we can never be together. I love him, but I cannot bare the idea that our love will never blossom into something truly symbolic: a family.

I have tried to leave him, and I did so with full determination. But when I leave him, he will not let me go. He will come to my feet and kiss them. He will take my hands and say, “Slap me, hurt me…do whatever you want to me….but don’t leave me.” He feels the pain too, how can I punish him for something that pains him perhaps more? And lately, he says what I thought I wanted to hear: “I will marry you, we can have children.” He knows that’s what I want. He wants it too, and we talk about having a girl first. But there are too many politics that will result from making our love official.

I don’t want to imagine the consequences of our love. The consequences are only more pain and hurt. If our love remains, then we lose love in other ways. Our happiness will bring pain for others. How can I be selfish and ask for such a thing? If we get married, we must stay here (in the West). Staying here means that he will lose his family, his career. Staying here means our children will have only one set of grandparents, from my side. Staying here means we are isolated and alone from the loving arms of family members. Staying here means our child will grow up with an uncertainty of cultural traditions, because sadly my own culture has got contaminated by mainstream Western ideology. So I tell him, “No. I will never marry you and live here.” Do I want to raise my child in an environment where it’s ‘cool’ to be materialistic? Do I want my children to grow up without structure from a strong-knit family? No. It makes me saddened to imagine having a child experience the same life I did….the same circumstances and ideologies that indoctrinated me to believe that being  ‘independent’ and ‘sexy’ was something to embrace, when in reality it lead me into prostitution and money addiction.  There is no way I want to stay here, the West, in an isolated family. So the Sheik and I… we cry more, because hope is against us. There is no chance for us to be in Saudi either without hardships. Family acceptance is another hurdle, a hurdle that I understand. Although Saudi culture is rapidly changing and giving into Western ideology, I do understand the urgency to preserve whatever’s left of the ‘old’ ways. Our love is a classic example of how the cruel forces of politics and society are preventing us from establishing our basic desires.

So, I understand Your intentions. I just ask, please let this suffering be over, because I have learnt my lesson. For the past 2 years, I have understood my right from wrong, and Inshallah, I will change it, with Your help.

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Leila and MajnoonI adore films and poetry. Many classic tales illustrate the pain of a forbidden relationship, such as the classic tale of Laila and Majnon in Persian/Indian/Arabic Folktales. An excellent Bollywood film that portrays such forbidden love is, “Veer Zaara,” where Veer and Zaara are very much like Laila and Majnon. The song below  (in 2 parts) from the film has powerful lyrics that illustrate the strength of love and sorrow. “Why is there a tradition of cruelty?”

“If I see your face, I will forget all my sorrows” — 2:33 seconds

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Filed under Dating a Saudi Student - also my Client, Dealing with Depression, Memories, My Poetry and Others, Relationships, The Sheik, Trying to Understand Why I Sell Myself

An Escort in a Relationship with a ‘Normal’ Man – “What’s the Point?”

By ‘normal’ I am referring to a man who isn’t a client and a man who doesn’t know that I sell myself. The following story depicts the complications associated by a relationship with a ‘normal’ man, from an escorts perspective.  

I’ve been surrounded by men for the last several years, whether they are my clients or my lovers, so there is no incentive to have an interest in other men.

Yet one man, for the first time, had sparked my interests. He is neither a client, nor a lover…he is my school friend. We have known each other for a while now. When we first met, I had no interest in him. His dashing handsome looks didn’t sway me at all, as I assumed he was a typical male ‘bimbo’ chasing the dream of riches and social prestige like most other students.  But as fate had it, we ended up in several classes together. I discovered he had a keen interest in all the things I love, and rather than chase riches he was thirsty for knowledge. Soon I came to realize that this handsome man was far from typical. I had prejudged him. He was far from vain and ’empty’ headed. His admirable personality had conquered my interest, and I discovered that he was also captivated by mine. He confessed that he liked my views and the fact that I was opinionated and rather dominant when I felt passionate about something. We became friends, and it was obvious that we both felt an attraction to each other. Yet suddenly, my behaviour towards him changed. Previously, in classes, he was talking to me, sitting with me, and leaving with me. We were growing closer, which worried me.  Suddenly, I stopped everything. I changed completely, because I had realized something: “I can’t do this.” I don’t want to get close to him.

But the truth is I liked him a lot as a person, despite my actions. I went from friendly and interested to instantly cold and standoffish to him. I tried to avoid him at school. If he came to talk with me, I was very brief and walked away. I purposely sat far away from him. Essentially, I wanted to let him know: I’m not interested, back off. I dismissed him. We still bump into each other. I try to ignore him, but he, being the sweet man he is, always approaches and asked how I am doing and what’s new in my life. I try to end the conversations abruptly. I tell him I am busy and have to do something important. In his view, he thinks I don’t like him anymore. Yet ironically, I love his mind. What can explain why I have changed my attitude towards him?

As an escort, I am addicted to money. My poisoned mind tells me this: any non-profiting relationship with a man seems counterproductive (a waste of time).  Of course, I’m aware that my poisoned thoughts are wrong and self-harming. But aside from money, how can I possibly relate to a man who has no idea about my secret? I can’t tell him. Even if such a man accepts my ‘secret’ and even seeks to help me, like previous lovers, he can’t. The stigma follows me, because it’s scarred my soul. Only I have the power to heal my wounds, and essentially change my fate.

My other reasonings are simple: I am dead. He is alive. He is a man optimistic about life and has so much positive energy to give to others (which I admire). I, on the other hand, am the opposite. I am pessimistic about life, and I spread negativity. My life experiences have made me so jaded, and resultantly I don’t want to get close to many people. I isolate myself, because it’s easier than explaining my ‘successful’ independence. I can’t be with a man who I met in ‘normal’ circumstances, because I will not give up my escort-life for him (a man who isn’t my client). And it isn’t fair to escort without his knowledge. I can already predict the web of lies if we become too close. Like others, he will ask, “How come you don’t work? Where did you obtain the money for everything you have?” And what can I tell him? Do I tell him that I’ve slept with hundreds of men for money, and that I am aware of every sexual technique that exists? Of course I can’t. Rather than lie, I’d rather avoid the situation entirely, which means avoiding him.

On a side note: His attraction to me was something I admired. Unlike most men, I didn’t seduce him with my beauty. In fact, his attraction was the ‘real’ me…..which is not glamorous at all. I am not a glamorous woman in my day-to-day life, I am very simple. Doing my makeup, making sure my hair is perfect and dressing fashionably everyday is too much effort, let alone shallow. The only time I make an effort to look glamourous (in an objectifying way) is when I have an incentive: money. Otherwise, I have little incentive to be appealing externally. I didn’t have to objectify myself to spark his attention, which made me adore him even more.

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Filed under Emotional Aspects Related to Escorting, Relationships

Can Men Really Be Blamed for Cheating?

 

Growing up in a world that emphasizes enduring romantic love, fairytales and love marriages indeed influences us. In the West, we are socialized to believe in love that is everlasting and monogamous; we expect that our lovers should stay faithful and honest to us. In current times, expectations on love are very high, which often leads to disappointment. Where did these expectations come from? Why do we assume that relationships MUST be monogamous? Why do we assume that humans can only love ONE person? Is fidelity a realistic expectation if we consider the worldwide statistics of divorce?

My view towards love and relationships are changing. As an escort, I see countless men who are ‘committed’ — often men who are in loving relationships with girlfriends and wives. What can explain why these men are cheating on their partners? Many of these married men love their wives, but their wives no longer have sex with them. We label these men, or anyone, who cheats as selfish and weak because they cannot ‘control’ their desires. Yet isn’t it unjust when men, and also women, are stuck in a relationship that lacks intimacy? Many men and women feel ‘stuck’ in their marriages, so rather than divorce and face all negative impacts of divorce they end up choosing infidelity.

Men, just as women, also face oppression from modern gender role expectations. Previously, I used to feel that I could never trust men (because my experience as an escort saw too many ‘nice’ men who were cheating their wife/partner). I was once bitter; I thought that most men were liars and cheaters. But my thoughts have changed as I try to understand the dynamics of society. My view now is: Social expectations and social pressures have forced men to lie and ‘cheat.’ Men are not at fault. Women also lie and cheat. But the problem is society and UNREALISTIC social expectations placed upon us. Contemporary European-style monogamous marriage, alone, simply doesn’t work in the modern context. One must be mindful that marriage has many variations and interpretations cross-culturally. For this topic, I am referring to monogamous marriage (in modern times, the ‘love’ monogamous marriage).

“To hold and proclaim that a man and a woman (who may not even have chosen each other) are in duty bound to satisfy each other in every way throughout their lives is a monstrosity that necessarily gives rise to hypocrisy, lying, hostility and unhappiness” (Simone de Beauvoir, 1949: The Second Sex (1974 edn. p497-8).

Basically, Simone De Beauvoir, the pioneer French feminist, says the concept of Western monogamous marriage is invalid. Marriage, in her view, gives way to lying, cheating and hypocrisy because of the unrealistic expectations placed on individuals in a relationship (such as promising a lifetime of fidelity). I agree with her that contemporary marriage in modern context is problematic, but I do not agree that marriage in other contexts (culturally and historically) can be degraded. Marriage in other historical contexts (non-Western) was not oppressing, as it meant something vastly different than it’s usage today. Yes, marriage used to have a vital purpose for the society, but it’s meaning has become diluted and shallow with modern capitalism. Even the concept of polygamy once served an important social function. Yet today, polygamy is marked with negative connotation. Polygamy is still taboo in Western societies. When polygamy does exist, it is only men who have the ability to have multiple wives. Women, of course, are not supposed to have multiple lovers…..because society does not recognize that a woman’s desire IS just as powerful as a man. The irony of it all is that our society embraces ‘serial monogamy’ (having a relationship, breaking up, and then starting a new relationship with another), yet polygamy is still stigmatized?

My stance on marriage is undetermined. I do feel marriage in other contexts served an important purpose, yet the contexts have changed. On one hand, marriage is the only institution that has provided better security for children (yet one must also be mindful that other societies, organized in vastly different ways, had other ways of maintaining social structures, such as family — so, in essence, there is no universal ‘proper’ way of having a relationship). But for the moment, it seems, marriage is the safest institution to hold families together. It still holds symbolic meaning in non-Western cultures. But Western marriage, in particular, has lost it’s symbolic purpose –it has unrealistic expectations that contradict the context. With my experiences of seeing countless men cheating on their spouses, I really question the concept of fidelity. Even for myself, I have never been ‘faithful’ to any of my partners (mainly because of my work) ; but I have also had multiple lovers all at once. Many would probably label me as selfish, and unable to appreciate being with one person, or having a lack of self-control. Of course, our so-called ‘great’ modern society has so many degrading terms to apply to those who do not conform. But I ask: who wants us to be monogamous and why?  Ideally, the concept of open relationships and marriages sound ideal, but we are far too egotistic to accept sharing our partners. We’ve internalized monogamy to the core. Even I am hypocritical: despite having multiple lovers myself, the idea of my men being with other women is unfathomable (but this is probably because I can’t let go of my ego and superiority complex).

We also need more openness to other variations of marriage that exist cross-culturally. Also, we need is more awareness and acceptance of the sexual needs from our lovers. For instance, if a wife decides to abstain from sexual intercourse with her husband, how can she expect her husband to give up his desire? That’s unfair to a husband. Similarly, I would suffer also if I was stuck with a man who couldn’t give me intense sexual pleasure. I feel deep sympathy for women who are stuck with men who don’t give them orgasm.

What would compel a woman to stop having sex with her husband? Do most men fail to please their women?

Patriarchy, capitalism and modern gender roles for men and women has conditioned society to ignore or devalue female sexual pleasure. Yet with more acknowledgment of women’s desires, the sexual needs of women become more valued. A common myth is that women have less sexual desire than men. As well, we assume that when women get older, they lose their sexual desire. I disagree. The problem is these women with ‘low-sex drives’ never got to experience intense sexual pleasure. Perhaps they internalized ‘shame’ associated with exploring their sexuality. Some women show little interest in sex, because they don’t even know what ‘good’ sex is. These women may have married early, and had only one to a few sexual partners. Personally, if I wasn’t a prostitute (with the experience of having sex with a variety of men), then it’s likely I would have NEVER experienced good sex (because men who are amazing at sex are still a minority).

Faking orgasm and pornography influence men to perform bad at sex?
Aside from modern gender role expectations of female passivity, I attribute men lacking in sexual skills with two things: women faking orgasm and pornography.

What gave men the idea that it takes MINIMAL effort to make a woman orgasm? One reason is that women often fake their pleasure, which reinforces a positive self-concept of his performance.  Too many women fake their pleasure. Even escorts do it commonly, which I have witnessed when clients booked me and another girl together. The result of women faking their sexual pleasure means that MEN will assume their BAD sexual skills are GOOD (and thus these men have no incentive to improve their sexual skills!). Countless men I’ve slept with have this annoying trait: they think it’s easy to make a woman orgasm. The classic scenario: during sexual penetration, the client will say to me, “Did you come yet baby??” Or better yet, after 2 or 3 minutes of oral sex on me, he says, “Are you close baby, did you come?” I, however, refuse to fake my pleasure. If he really wants to give me pleasure, I will teach him how to do it.

The other reason why some men lack sexual skills is because of: pornography. The majority of Porn reflects the gender and sexuality discourses of modern society — where, sadly, female sexuality is reduced to passiveness. Porn is mostly false acts of sex, and the goal of porn is typically for HIS pleasure. When a woman ‘apparently’ has orgasm in porn, they hardly depict the reality. They show a man performing cunninlingus for 1 or 2 minutes, with the woman screaming for ‘pleasure’ and then apparently, she has an orgasm. It’s false. Considering most men watch porn, they are being (socialized) influenced in false ways, giving birth to false expectation. Thanks to ideas propagated by porn, many men will have the expectation that women can orgasm easily and are pleasured by minimal effort. Thankfully, some men reject societal norms of ignoring/devaluing female sexuality. There are great men who’ve discovered that the beauty of pleasure is when both participants are fully enjoying. Yet I cannot say men, alone, are at fault.  After all, it takes two to tango: so, if many women don’t discover their own sexual pleasure, how can men know?

Certainly many women may have no sexual desire because their partners or husbands never addressed their sexual needs. Yet we cannot blame the man, because perhaps his wife gave him false impressions that his performance was good. In cases of marriage in conservative societies, divorce is taboo because of social pressures and social expectations. So what happens as a result? Couples suffer passively, and they end up cheating. For many societies, love was not connected to marriage, yet there was also not an unrealistic expectation of monogamy. In a some contexts, some women fear to cheat, so they end up having lesbian relations with other women. A great Indian film titled Fire depicts this very well, where two married women resort to lesbianism because their needs are ignored by their husbands.

In theory, it sounds great that I can be accepting of my partners needs. For instance if I am unable to have sex, I should not prohibit my partner from getting it elsewhere. Just as I would hope, ideally, that my lover would let another man give me pleasure if he was unable to do so. In theory, this sounds great. YET in reality, JEALOUSLY, angst, emotions get involved because we are so conditioned to believe in ENDURING love. We are so selfish to even fathom that our lover might have needs that we cannot meet.

With my ex, I  had severe trust issues. He didn’t trust me, as I was his young beautiful lover. And I didn’t trust him because he was, well, a MAN. That made our relationship disastrous. Ideally I want to be more accepting if my partner potentially desires another. But I admit, the idea is hard to digest. It’s my ego that gives rise to these jealous feelings….this sense of entitlement, that I must be the best and the ONLY woman for my man.

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Filed under Feeling sorry for the wives, Relationships, Sex

Being in Love and Escorting at the Same Time – Can’t Have Both

Being with a man I love and being a successful escort at the same time only works in theory. In reality, one or the other will be strained. For me, my work becomes strained. I cut down clients, because it’s harder to ‘tune’ out my emotions when I’m in love. Alternatively, if I put more emphasis in escorting, then my relationship will be strained. I can’t have the best of both worlds.

Falling in love …it’s the worst thing for me as a sex worker. I become ‘stained.’ Stained, in a metaphorical way, in that my lover, the Sheik, has marked me (emotionally, physically, spiritually). The love consumes me at every moment. I only want to be with my love, nobody else. As a result, I am lazy when with other men (clients).

When I’m in love, it’s like I become chemically ‘marked’ by  his love… his scent never leaves my skin. It’s as if his scent stays with me to ward off other men and say, “This woman is off-limits.” His scent is there when I am with clients. I have withdrawals from this special ‘scent’ when it’s not with me. And the clients can detect it: they know my heart, mind and soul belong to another man.

I become a lazy, uninterested and mechanical service provider to my clients when I am in love. This is the second time it has happened to me. It happened when I was in love with my ex, and I could no longer see clients because the idea of letting other men touch me was unimaginable. And now, with the Sheik…the same is happening. I barely work, but occasionally I see the odd client or two (my Sheik, of course, has no knowledge of this). It’s extremely difficult to sit there with a man who I have NO attraction too…and lay in his arms and be pleasant, because all I am thinking of is how much I hate it.

Yet I need the money. The Sheik provides for me…but I need to stay in the business to meet other goals. I don’t want to become too dependent on the Sheik — no no no — I must not rely on his money, or his love. Dependency is a dangerous area, which I don’t want to be in. Yet I can’t have the best of both worlds.

Sometimes, I wish it was easy just to abandon this love. But it’s not easy

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Filed under Dating a Saudi Student - also my Client, Relationships, The Escorting Business, The Sheik

Addressing Your Questions # 1 – About Escorts, Prostitutes, & Courtesans

A lot of people are curious about the sex industry, which is reflected in the stats of this site. There are numerous phrases people search for in google to find this website. Many of those phrases are asking a question that is related to escorting, prostitution, courtesans, mistresses, relationships with clients, etc. So, I thought I would answer some of the questions that spark curiosity to my readers. Also, if there is a question that you may have regarding any aspect of the sex industry in any context, please let me know. Please remember that my perspectives can be subjective and in some cases biased.

Your Question: How do I tell people that I am an escort/sex worker?

Telling people you are prostitute should be done with extreme caution. Even if a prostitute feels no shame in her profession, she should keep it among intimate friends only. Remember, this is an aspect of society that many people can never understand or accept. Even people who appear non-judgemental towards sex workers might not fully understand the plight of a prostitute. Be prepared to face social castigation (rejection). Having said that, such a secret is difficult to keep inside, because it’s a secret that has shaped sex workers. Prostitution relates to sex, and sex is an intimate, touchy subject in modern society. Sex is also unique to each individual encounter and differs with each person, and thus it’s not easily understood in the same manner by all. If an escort feels compelled to tell someone, then she must tell it to someone who makes her feel safe, a person she ultimately trusts.

Your Question: How do escorts lure men to them? Or in other words, how do escorts attract clients?

Well, many prostitutes do not physically go out and lure men from the streets, unless we are actually working on the street (which is not associated with ‘high-end’ escorting). Escorts do not lure men per say. The transaction requires participants from both sides. Essentially, some men are looking for sex and/or companionship and the escorts are offering their services. In modern settings, escorts place advertisements either online or in newspapers, and clients find these websites where escorts offer their services. Call-girl agencies typically advertise online and in newspapers too.

I have never gone out to find clients in public settings. I advertise and let the men come to me. They view my website and photo’s and make the choice to arrange a booking with me. For men, seeing an escort is a bit of gamble, because clients cannot be sure of what to expect from the escort. The same can be said for escorts, as escorts do not know what to expect from their clients (generally, the hope is clients will be handsome, polite, generous and relatively easily to please).

I should also address what makes men seek escorts in the first place. In other words, what do men seek in escorts instead of their own wives or other non-prostitute women? Non-sex workers probably feel that men are attracted to an escorts immense beauty and sex appeal. But I must tell you that this is a myth; escorts are no different than other women. We are no more exceptional because we are ‘wanted’ by some men. I used ‘wanted’ in quotations because escorts are not truly wanted. Escorts are wanted for a shallow purpose (sex without commitment) most of the time. There are always exceptions to the rule, but in general a prostitute is only wanted for the purpose of sexual fulfillment without emotional acknowledgement.

In Western society, there is a growing importance for sex appeal. Women feel it is important to be sexually desirable to men all the time. This is a very unfortunate part of society, because women are objectifying themselves further by placing their self-worth on their sex appeal. I am guilty of this too. But I must say sex appeal is not a worthy quality at all. Being wanted for shallow reasons never made me genuinely happy.

In the West, normal women are trying to be the ‘ideal’ woman that is promoted by society. But what these women fail to realize is that there is NO ideal woman. For instance, women see how many men are avid porn watchers, so these women try to imitate prostitutes by getting plastic surgeries and dressing provocatively. Meanwhile, such women don’t want their brains to be neglected, so they get educated. The result is ‘educated’ women who uses their sex-appeal to feel powerful, which is a contradiction (they have objectified themselves and made themselves further subordinate to men). The reality is that these women have given away their power by trying to be the wife, the sex object, and the intellectual.

Your Question: How to Be an Upper Class Escort?

There are various factors, and having just one is usually not enough to become successful. Beauty alone may get clients for one visit, but beauty alone will not keep a steady clientele. Having said that, beauty is also in the eye of the beholder. A woman does not have to be exceptionally beautiful to be a successful prostitute, but it’s essential to be physically well-groomed, decently attired, polished, and healthy. The most important aspect is your personality with clients. Typically, clients like women who are nice, affectionate and accommodating. However, personality is also subjective, so I cannot suggest specific traits that clients want.

Again, if one is thinking to become an escort, they have to realize that it is a life-changing experience. An escort may gain in terms of money, but she loses in other ways in the process. Some escorts find the lifestyle easy, while others find it to be a severe addiction that has ruined many aspects of their personal happiness. From my observations, the only escorts that don’t seem to struggle emotionally are ones who numb their emotions with drugs, relaxers, and the various intoxicants.

Your Question: How to Leave the Industry? How to Stop Escorting?

For women who are doing this and cannot enjoy it, then I understand the desire to stop escorting. For me, I don’t despise this work, but it’s still not easy to remain a prostitute in a hostile society (where I am legally and socially condemned by attitudes and laws).

I have a post regarding my thoughts on leaving the industry. My view is rather negative and depressing, because I feel most women remain in the industry. Only in very rare cases I have seen a girl leave the industry for good. But as I mention in that post, prostitutes seem to only leave the industry when they get involved in a relationship, and unfortunately they go right back to the industry when the relationship fails.

I should try to be more optimistic. For myself, I am not sure if I want to quit. As long as clients are good, then I have no quarrels continuing to see them. Yet things become complicated when I’m in love with one man, or trying to ignore the stigma. I enjoy aspects of my job, but unfortunately society doesn’t feel the same way. Even when I graduate from University, I can still make more income working in the sex industry regardless of finding a qualified ‘normal’ job. For women who enjoy this work, rather than quiting, one should try to avoid internalizing this idea that their job is ‘wrong.’ However, for women who do this and DO NOT enjoy it, then it’s wrong. Sadly, what better alternatives are available to women who don’t like selling their bodies? If society made better alternatives for women in poor socioeconomic situations, then they wouldn’t be resorting to this work in the first place.

The industry is somewhat addicting in terms of financial rewards.  The first step is for an escort to understand herself. She needs to assess why she got in the industry and the reasons why she needed the money. Leaving the industry will require immense sacrifice, and perhaps resorting to lower pay. This is not always an option for women. It means getting a ‘normal’ job to survive, and training oneself to work long hours on a schedule. I can understand why for many sex workers, this ‘normative’ life is not appealing.

A materialistic prostitute (a woman selling herself to gain social/superficial prestige –like I started out to be) will find it the most difficult to leave the industry. She is not only facing addiction to the money, but she is also deeply insecure. She has based her entire self-worth on the presence of luxury and wealth. This was once my problem, but now I sell myself because I enjoy the benefits that exists (autonomy,working at my own pace, financial ease) and enjoy seeing clients. The battle I face is with being silenced by society and realizing my profession is not socially recognized. This job is not negative for all women, but it requires great strength to overcome the negatives.

Your Question: I am in love with a prostitute/ escort. Will our relationship be successful?

First, you need to assess what sort of prostitute she is. Ask: Why is she selling herself, and more importantly what factors lead her into selling herself to men? What sort of values does this woman have? A man who is in love with a prostitute must realize that a prostitute does not have the same experiences as a ‘normal’ woman. Therefore, a prostitute will be deeply shaped by her unique experiences, experiences that ‘normal’ women do not encounter. The experiences faced by prostitutes affect their emotions, and mostly in a negative way. For instance, a prostitute who sells herself to gain higher status (live in comfort/luxury) is likely to have a major ego followed by major insecurities. Insecurities do great damage to relationships, which I have experienced. Often, my insecurities caused me to lash out on my partners. I could not bare the idea of being wanted by only one man, when previously I (or my ego) was accustomed to ‘praise’ and ‘admiration’ by numerous men.

My estimate is that a relationship with a prostitute can be successful if she is ready to bring love into her life. Some are simply not ready for this, or perhaps they don’t want the conventional relationship. As her lover, you should also be respectful of her needs and desires, as she might not want to give up her work. One needs to ask themselves, can they handle being with a woman who see’s other men? Some can, some cannot. It’s also not easy for a prostitute to transition into a ‘normative’ relationship when she’s become accustomed to her own independence and lifestyle.

Often, I wish my ex-fiance could have understood me better. But its not his fault. Neither of us knew I was seriously confused about what I wanted in life — after all, I was only 22 back then. Although I was a prostitute, I considered myself ‘normal’ up until being serious with my ex; but later I realized that my lifestyle had made me far from the ‘norm.’ (Which isn’t a bad thing, but I wasn’t accepting it initially). My ex also thought I was a just like other ‘normal’ women because I didn’t look or act like a ‘typical’ prostitute (typical in the context of being vulgar, uneducated). He had expectations of me that were expected of women who don’t sell themselves, but he was not prepared for my ‘baggage.’ Love is strange, and blinding. Despite the constraints I caused our relationship, my ex didn’t give up. He accepted me as I was. Instead, I gave up, because I knew I was only capable of hurting him. I could not promise him anything, because I was too much confused back then — things made sense only later.

Your Question: Do Escorts Fall in Love with Clients?

Yes, it happens. But what I mentioned above illustrates that escort-client relationships are tricky. They are often unsuccessful as either the client cannot commit or the escort cannot compromise her work. So far, I have been in two serious relationships (one currently on-going) with men who originated as my clients. I have also been in love with an additional young man, Khalid, who’s a client, but money is what keep us from being in a serious relationship. Khalid doesnt have the means to give me enough financial support, therefore I refuse to commit myself to him. Instead, the two men who got me, my ex and the Sheik, helped me lovingly and generously. My ex provided for me financially, and so does my current partner. That aspect alone is a deal-breaker whether I like to admit or not. I could never be with a man who doesn’t ‘spoil’ me, because my addiction and ego is too strong (not something I am proud about). My poisoned theory is: why be with a man who doesn’t spoil me when there are many of other men willing to spoil me?

Your Question: Why does society say it’s wrong to be a prostitute?

It is only in modern (Western) history that prostitution has been constructed as a social ‘issue,’ where it became generalized, degraded, devalued and stigmatized pertaining to political agendas of dominant powers. For further academic reading, Michel Foucault explains this in his “The History of Sexuality.” One must be mindful that prostitution has existed in different ways and in different contexts historically, and has not always been viewed as a ‘shameful’ act.

Imagine you are a political elite. You have millions of people in your nation-state, and those people need to be mobilized and controlled. How to control these masses of people? Firstly, you need to assert your dominance. You need to instil fear into the minds of those millions of people, because fear is a great form of control. Thus, you create structures and have massive propaganda campaigns that support your ideals. In this structure, you create strict rules that dictate what is acceptable and what is not acceptable. Of course, you want your followers (the masses) to be loyal and embrace your society/kingdom, so you have to make them believe the rules (of the organization) are ‘good’ and ‘beneficial.’ Now, if you are male, you don’t want a bunch of women running around and having the freedom to choose who they sleep with. After all, in this mentality, women are the producers of future generations. Then, you control the sexuality of women, and by doing that you can control the future children being born into your kingdom. You tell the people that a ‘good’ woman is one who is chaste, modest and only has sex when it’s lawful to do so (in a marriage contract). A woman who has sex for pleasure is totally wrong and bad! Thus, if you are woman who has ‘loose’ morals you are a terrible person, and should be condemned by society. Social exclusion/condemnation is a way of preventing others from defying the norms that benefit your kingdom.

The point in my little story above is to illustrate that prostitution is solely unacceptable in contemporary society because it clashes with the interests of the dominant class. Women’s bodies are still viewed as the essential component to nation building, so most modern rulers are deeply concerned with regulating sexuality. Prostitution as being ‘the great social evil’ is only a recent European historical phenomenon stemming from the late 19th century.

Your Question: Why NOT to become a prostitute / call girl / girl ?

Well, my whole blog gives endless indirect reasons why not to become a prostitute. It should be quite apparent that I’m not entirely content with the situation, but my situation is ideal compared to the majority of others. I do enjoy sex and do enjoy it with some clients, so for me personally, it can be positive. However, most escorts do not have my outlooks. If a woman loathes the idea of seeing and sleeping with different men, then I don’t recommend sex work at all. The reality is that most escorts do not enjoy their work, and are doing it solely for money. Even if a woman can enjoy it, she has to be strong enough to overcome the potential consequences of this work: the added loneliness, living a double life, the loss of touch from reality, the insecurities, being vulnerable to alcohol and drugs as a form of coping, the false facades, the rejection, the shallow values associated with money, the prospect of never trusting a monogamous relationship, the false feeling of being loved and wanted, loss of family/friends and the separation from simplicity (natural happiness). A very resilient woman can overcome these emotional stresses, yet many cannot.

Your Question: How does an escort make money when she has her period (menstruating) ?

Good question. I had the same question when I first joined the sex industry. I had absolutely no idea what the answer would be. I was quite shocked when the madam told me, “Not working because of your period is NOT an excuse!” I was shocked to learn that almost all prostitutes work during their menses. I learned that many had their own methods to deal with the blood. Some women used contraceptives which made their menses disappear altogether. Another technique was used when the period was in its lighter stages in which a red colored condom is used to disguise any droplets of blood. The other more common method was using a sponge (a make-up/ or sea-sponge) that is inserted inside the vagina before seeing a client. The sponge is not felt during sex and it captures the blood thus making the sex blood-free.

Your Question: Is non-sexual escorting classified as ‘prostitution?’

This question is regarding the concept of a ‘social escort,’ which is typically a woman who is paid to accompany men for social events, such as dinners, outings, etc. I have yet to meet a ‘social escort’ who strictly does not have sex with her client afterwards. Indeed there are many clients who seek companionship over sexual intercourse. There are many other sexual acts besides penetration that some men seek. A small minority of clients don’t even request for sex, but rather they like to spend the time talking, or satisfying, perhaps, a certain ‘fetish’ with the woman. Regardless, most clients desire some form of release. I have only encountered a handful of men who didn’t want any release at all (meaning these men didn’t want to ejaculate/come). It is a rarity. Never the less, my theory is a ‘social-only’ escort cannot truly exist. If the man paying for her company likes her, then he will offer more money to get sexual services. The money is too tempting for such a woman to say no. It would SEEM ideal to be a ‘social’ escort in theory in which a woman is paid to just hang out with men. Yet in reality, mingling with men in public is far more time-consuming, less financially rewarding, and much more ‘work’ compared with having sex with a client.

A social-only escort could not charge the rates of a prostitute. For instance, there are some women who provide services other than actual sex. These women refer to their services as ‘sensual massage,’ in which they provide a nude massage complete with hand-release, and maybe oral sex. Since these sensual masseuses do not have sex, they also cannot charge the rate of a ‘full-service’ prostitute. Rate is generally determined by the amount of service provided.

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Filed under "High-class" prostitution, Emotional Aspects Related to Escorting, Questions for Escorts And Clients, Relationships, The Escorting Business, Trying to leave prostitution