About Escort Diary

I am a woman who belongs no where in society. It took me years to realize how living an ‘abnormal’ lifestyle made it harder to participate in ‘normal’ life.

I am a high-class escort who lives a seemingly normal lifestyle which consists of attending University and working in the business part-time. This blog is to expose how working as a ‘high-end’ sex worker irreversibly changed my life. There are good aspects of this work, and equally difficult aspects.

What makes me unique is that I’m an exotic escort, who’s born and raised in the West yet my parents are both immigrants from the Eastern regions of the world. I learned at a young age that many men are quite pleased by my exotic look.

This is my diary of being a high-class prostitute. Selling sex often feels like I’ve sold my soul at times. There is a lot of money to be made in a short amount of time, but the reality is it is not glamorous. Despite being ‘wanted’ all the time and being told constantly how ‘beautiful’ you are….it’s can often be quite an empty, shallow life. This blog will discuss the implications of modern sex-work.

I see all sorts of men of different ages and ethnic backgrounds. Many married women wonder: Why do men pay for sex? Why do married men see prostitutes (escorts)?  Others may wonder: what’s it like to be an escort?


267 responses to “About Escort Diary

  1. Chris

    I am a man who had been fallen in love with a prostitute. I like read your diary which help me understood more why she rejected me after we lived together almost one year.

  2. JustMe

    ….pity that there is the comment function is switched off , just to say, Shaykh Hamdi Ben Aissa, the man is right . cheers ..

    • Anonymous

      There are different types of love …
      The one labelled by the sheikh hamdi ben aissa as impulsivity is Eros/romantic love (from the Greek word erotikos)

      I’m pretty sure Adem and Hawa would have had that kind of romantic love

      And then there is agape love – the love that the sheikh describes as Nurturing and is unconditional ..

  3. Remmi

    I am an escort myself and I agree with you on most things, but I don’t see how u can “fall in Love”. I see at least 6 guys a week for the last 4 years. Each time they repulse me more and more, even if they are cute and clean. All men are the same to me now,

    • Michael


      This is why I so desperately (as a”hapilly single man)get lonelt at times, and have turned to try an escort to “full” a void I miss. I found out what you feel and act when working , is why I don’t want to waste 1k if my harde earned money, when I now realize , that it is a very ” void”, and almost production line means to ootgasm so you can slip out the door. I honestly didn’t feelu duped, or “taken ” for.my money. I payed for the word “sex*. Nowehre did it say, affection, cuddling, romantic this, or that. It’s for to be a tragic and emotionally void life you lead. I’d it’s for the money, sharing sunch a sensual and and private party is yourself, for the greed of money imo, is tragic. I can make myself orgasm for a cheap thrll “for free” with my hand a vivid imagination. You’ve told me that “you don’t care what a “John ” cares of feels about the way you support yourself. But. Every human wants to live, and be held, kissed, and enjoyed. Why women(or men) give up their last shred of human dignity, and hate doing it just to make a buck is sad, and as a person who loves everyone, I feel awful for anyone who can”hate” others over something that isn’t worth paying for something he or she will. Never find with those in your perfession. All I can say, is as long as All A lit of guys care for is seeing a makes girl, and having her touch him while being repulsed isn’t a real man!

  4. Jess

    I loved reading this!

  5. Nikita

    I came across your website while I was trying to gain some clarity and read about other escorts experiences and insight about life in our industry and to see if other escorts struggle with certain challenges that are unique to what we do and hopefully get some advice on how to handle those challenges.
    I’ve been an independent escort for a few years now. I’ve had a few “traditional” relationships along the way and have gone on “traditional” dates. The relationships I was engaged in were healthy and balanced. Back then I thought I wanted to get married again and settle down (obviously my escort career would come to an end if I did) but over the past year I’ve become increasingly disinterested in both dating and being in a traditional relationship at all. My past partners were not aware I was working as an escort during our relationship. To me work is work and my personal life is separate from what I do for a living. I know it’s a hot topic so I’d rather just keep my thoughts on that subject to myself. My problem I have been facing is that I am worried my disinterest in relationships will continue when my career ends. I enjoy the time I spend with my clients. It’s fun stress free and totally void of the kind of emotional drama a traditional relationship has. I noticed you mentioned at age 22 you were engaged and struggling with similar concerns about what you really wanted (to get married and settle down) How did you work out that issue? Any advice on how to handle the world of dating and relationships while working as an escort?

    • Woodbine

      Dear Nikita,

      In many ways the dilemma you write about is the mirror image of “A fan of …” (see Contact Jan.6, 2020). These thoughts of yours grabbed my attention. “I enjoy the time I spend with my clients. It’s fun stress free and totally void of the kind of emotional drama a traditional relationship has.”

      Both you and “A fan of …” seem to value arms length relationships sex-for-hire offers. You have had experience with non-for-for hire relationship while he as forgone them for work. But for you, these traditional relationships lack connection producing a feeling of ambivalence and apprehension about seeking safety in another human being. “A fan of …” like you has found meaningful connection in sex for-hire. So you both find yourselves asking how can we embark on match-making to find an attachment figure i.e. a bonded supportive secure relationship.

      Nikita, I was wondering if you and “A fan of …” 1) are polyamorous as away to avoid match making and bonding or 2) are polyamorous because you enjoy sexual variety and at the same time are earnest about finding a bonded life partner who will be there for you when you reach for them 24 hours a day seven days a week and likewise you for them. Nikita, for you I’m guessing it might be the first, because in your traditional relationships you have been unwilling to establish the trust to be able to reach for your partner when you have a bad day with your for hire sex clients (an emotional wall with your traditional relationship partner).

      The fact that you engage in sex for-hire does not make understanding how to match-make for secure attachment any less problematic (it’s universally problematic). In fact it is very possible you have greater insight into human emotion than others who are not in the business or polyamorous. You say, “….over the past year I’ve become increasingly disinterested in both dating and being in a traditional relationship at all” What I hear in that is your brain is acting out for you a feeling that your non-for-hire relationships are not secure in attachment terms. Your brain through emotion is telling you embark on learning about match-making that leads to more secure attachment relations. Stay away from the kinds of experiences you have had, learn a different way.

      Attachment is a learned skill. Even those of us who came from families that fostered nurturing secure bonding are unschooled in how to do secure attachment and match-making. People from less nurturing families find it more difficult to deal with avoidant or anxious attachment. The take away is bonding and secure attachment is difficult for everyone, so you are oh so normal.

      My guess is studying attachment will not only help you recognize the potential for secure attachment in matchmaking but will help you with your clients as well because life is dealing with the emotions of yourself and others. Since you seem to be the mirror image of “A fan of …” it would not be so odd if you were both seeing each other professionally right now.

      Check out his posts and let us know how you receive the intended support from others.

      Best to you, your clients and friends, Woodbine

  6. Mish

    How do you screen clients? Do you get license id photo work number and references or do you just talk over phone and gage whether clients are decent

  7. Janelle


    I found your website searching the internet for help which I do often as an escort having no one to talk to. I agree with many parts of your blog. I developed feelings for a client and it didn’t work out. He manipulated me, like many men who seek out escorts do. There is a certain kind of man who seeks out an escort to emotionally manipulate. I’m sick of the men who feel the need to share their “status”. The men that dangle their success and use it to emotionally manipulate.

    I am scared and traumatized from my experiences making it hard to fit in. If you smile too much, people think you’re full of yourself. If you don’t talk or make eye contact, people think you are strange. There is no winning. Escorting has made it hard to trust and I don’t think I’ll ever trust anyone again.

    I’m blown away by men “disgusted” by escorts yet seek them out. I’m disgusted bragging about “status”, I will never ever care about a man bragging about his accomplishments and I hate how these men are clever because the way I tell the story it sounds like as an escort I’m after his money LOL. I hate how just because you’re a woman and like getting your nails or your hair done everything is assumed about you.

    I hope to heal from the pain caused by the men I’ve met. Especially since I gave my honest heart. I have a lot of healing I need to do the next little while. I wish I could be ugly, I wish I didn’t like getting my hair and nails done. It is truly my dream to get a “normal” job and be alone. I don’t want any children and I especially do not want any men in my life. If a woman is alone and chooses to be single, and doesn’t want children, society can thank MEN for this tragedy.

  8. Mia

    I’m loving this website. What about stalking which happens alot in this industry. I am also born in the West with middle eastern parents .. fell into the hands of the worst client who has been stalking me for years . Once anyone like the police find out what you do for a living they turn a blind eye and it’s disgusting

  9. Akbar Khan

    The best and wholesome advice by Sahar. If I was to say something, I would say the same.

    • escortdiary

      Thank you kindly AK. Your input is deeply valued

    • Ralph J

      Dear Sahar: I have been seeing the same escort for five years. I am almost 68 years old. She is a young woman from China and has a six-year-old daughter. I care for her in a real way. I’ve been reading articles on your website for a couple years. Your article on how hard it is for a woman to get out of the business was really interesting. Sincerely, Ralph

  10. Kris

    I am very happy I came across your Blog Website. I have been in the escort business since I was 19, I am 21 now and feel like it has damaged me not only my physical health but mentally as well. And reading your blog post’s and joining this community with others who was in the same situation I was in is really comforting. My dad left me and my mom when I was 8 years old and my mom struggled with paying things for me such as school, clothes, food, etc. then she kicked me out when I turned 17 because I was so close to being 18 she wanted me to automatically grow up so she wouldnt have to take care of me anymore. So then I resulted in high end escorting when I turned 19 and everything went downhill from there. Sure, the money was great and fast and I was also independent but it was not worth it in the long run. Now, I am emotionally depressed, have anxiety, and can not have a stable relationship. All those years I had no one to talk to because I would get shunned and casted away and been called names I actually believed that I wasnt worth anything and all I had was my looks. Even one instance I met a guy who wasnt a client however just a man who was interested in younger women. He could tell I was upset because I have been hiding everything inside about how I felt about myself and what I do and my future. I told him I was an escort. He said “You look like you do that type of work”. I asked him “How is that supposed to look?” and he simply did not have an explanation he was just being prude. And that really hurt me, to think how complete strangers see a pretty face wearing nice clothes, shoes and jewelry… I hated myself for years and pushed all of my emotional and physical problems behind me and continued to escort because I knew the money was there. I had no one to talk to, no family to talk to, no friends because I was socially isolated that it permanently damaged my ability to create new relationships. I numbed my emotions for 3 years and now when I meet some guy my age that I am interested in, I naturally dont trust him, and just think all the negative things and end up pushing him away. To think three years ago if I hadnt resulted in escorting I wouldnt be emotionally unstable and would be physically healthy.. It is nice to roll upon your blog and have a community that supports and understands one another; where you wont get shunned for your past/and or present escorting business. All the luxury and glam they present on social media and sugar baby websites is just an image to lure young women into talking to creepy, nasty old men. And for what? Money in exchange for sex? It’s not worth it..

    • Akbar Khan

      @Kris, thank you for sharing your feelings with us. I am so sorry you had to do this eork and suffer the fallout. I absolutely agree and understand every word of yours. Here, on the blog, sometimes I come across young women who would enthusiatically ask @escortdiary about entering and progressing in this ‘profession’. I feel disturbed and ask myself how could these women be so happy and enthusiatic about this work? Do they even know what are they opting for?? I, then think in myself that they have severe socioeconomic dilemmmas which they arent sharing and that their enthusiasm and joy is only fake. No women would (and should) feel happy about selling herself. I also understand that many men are callous and irresponsible too, for leaving their women and children helpless, ultimately ending up in such situations. I dont know what kind of fathers they are. Some Men are callous is other ways too because the prostitution industry thrives on their demand. Never be carried away by those who claim to be so loving and respectful toward women and yet they are paying you to buy your body. Anyway its a never ending discussion which has many facets.
      For you, my request is that you are still very young and not very far into this (to the point of no return). I forcefully suggest you to make an exit. Yes it is possible at this stage. Never look back, because the past has nothing new to offer. For any psychological and medical help we are always here.

    • escortdiary


      Thank you dearly for sharing your traumatic experiences. I am so sorry to hear what you have been through. You made it through all that, so just know that you are a gem!

      I see so many parallels in your life experiences with other escorts and my own experience. If only we had stable families….if only we had proper security from our caregivers (family) while we were young. But we didn’t have those blessings, and that’s okay! I hope you, one day, can realize how the trials you endured can make you a stronger person — only pain builds ones’ character (it is essential). One day, someone very special/wholesome will appreciate you for the pain that made you so beautiful internally.

      Now, I am emotionally depressed, have anxiety, and can not have a stable relationship. All those years I had no one to talk to because I would get shunned and casted away and been called names I actually believed that I wasnt worth anything and all I had was my looks.

      How old are you now? The reason I ask is because if you are young, then I can reassure you that these feelings will dissipate with age (so long you are coping in healthy ways). Depression won’t necessarily go away, but understand that is only a temporary feeling, begin to understand what triggers it and learn healthy ways of coping. I was very much thinking of situations like yours when I recently wrote, “Where do Prostitutes go for Comfort?” Your comment shows how you are silently hurting, and that there is no wholesome outlet for you to find comfort at your convenience. The only solution that can solve this problem of despair is wholesome love (family, friends or a lover). But before you can even welcome love, you need to focus and heal yourself in wholesome ways (which means learning to know yourself and owning your pain). Please do find a counsellor or therapist that has experience with helping sex workers (it may take testing out a few to find the right match).

      I had no one to talk to, no family to talk to, no friends because I was socially isolated that it permanently damaged my ability to create new relationships.

      I feel you. I felt like that at one point too. But please know dear, things can change. You have a lot of healing to do. How you feel is completely normal given the circumstances you have been in. Be easy on yourself. It’s OK to feel sad and feel out the pain — give yourself time to heal.

      One way to socialize yourself is to enroll yourself in the community (such as going to College/University, get a part time job). I know this can be hard, because ‘normal’ settings can bring about a lot of anxiety (especially when we can’t express our experiences to ‘normal’ people). But the point of mingling in normal settings is to not let the sex industry consume your whole life. Going back to school was one of the best things for my emotional well-being — study something you like so you can meet like minded people. Study topics on society and the human condition — you might learn a lot about yourself in the process.

      Now when I meet some guy my age that I am interested in, I naturally don’t trust him, and just think all the negative things and end up pushing him away.

      It’s understandable you wouldn’t trust easily given what you have experienced. What you are experiencing is C-PTSD (Complex post-traumatic stress disorder). Focus on healing yourself dear by going to a counsellor who is skilled in healing this. I hope you have someone at least that you can feel safe with and can trust. Remember, I am here, and other readers care too, so please do check in.

      All the luxury and glam they present on social media and sugar baby websites is just an image to lure young women into talking to creepy, nasty old men. And for what? Money in exchange for sex? It’s not worth it..

      100% true. Indeed, it’s all a lie. Even then women who boast about their lux/glam lives as escorts are completely empty. Boasting is the biggest indicator of extreme insecurity. They show off because they are either paid to do so (by big business who profits off the sex industry), and also because they were hurt/rejected badly and superficial validation makes them feel worthy. It’s a shame society is allowing the normalization/promotion of the sex industry for women.

      I wish you the best and hope you keep in touch,

      With love

    • Peter

      Kris, I think both your parents started the snowball, and it just kept rolling and becoming a much bigger snowball when you end up escorting. Thanks for being honest about your situation and letting others see a glimpse behind the glamorous yet “seedy” world of high class escorting. It’s difficult for others to understand without walking in your shoes (or heels).

  11. Kimberley

    Thank you for your wisdom and vulnerability. I realize you’re out of the business but I do hope that this website remains up for those of us who have only just begun to gain insight and reflection from your writings.

    Peace to you,


  12. Yasmin

    Your page has helped me live through and understand the variables of this profession. I came from an abusive and neglectful childhood which lead me to run to this profession. My mother abused drugs and wasn’t able to properly care for me and my siblings and my father wasn’t involved in my life as a teenager. We lived in a drug ridden and violent community, and my siblings and I dreaded it, yet we all escaped successfully in the end. After I graduated secondary school with honors, I decided I needed to help my siblings financially so I started at 18 as a street walker under my boyfriend who pimped me out. After much chaos with him, I met a madam on the while walking the streets. I thought she was beautiful, caring and convincing , so I decided to work under her as an escort. It was an fun and scary experience, I got to travel, learn the business, help my siblings, experience the finer things, yet I saw the dark side to the business. This negativity stemmed from the other girls I saw come and go, including the madam I worked with, who often got in abusive relationships with pimps and drugs .Luckily I didn’t fall subject to drugs and alcoholism and eventually wanted to work independently. I quit a year after and took time off to take care of my father who had kidney failure. Now I am 23 year old college student , who does this job independently as a part-time profession. I make even more money being independent nor do have to deal with the drugs and drama that comes with working with other girls .Honestly, this work has saved me a lot of time to study, focus on my wellbeing and gain so much financially, as my parents cannot support me through college. I have great upscale clients who see me regularly and take very good care of me financially and emotionally. They admire me not just for my beauty but my passion and intellect. Sometimes I feel lonely, as I have to hide and keep my profession discrete and live a double-life. Reading your page has made me feel that I am not alone, that there’s a global community of women in the same position of balancing their double life, in this world where this profession is condemned. Thank you so much for creating and posting this page.

    • Elisabeth

      I randomly came across your response.

      I never google these things but I feel, too, lonely in my double life.

      However, I truly love what I do but I feel it’s wring. It allows me to support my friends and family and I feel my clients become really good friends.

      Thank you for sharing and please email me if you want to chat more.

      E xx

  13. ANT

    Hi Sahar

    You still there?

    Having read some of your writing, given the dates of the replies, I wish to contribute though I need to know if your blog is still active and if you are still in the industry?

    I will share what I believe is what the true Divine Love, you so desperately seem to crave, with another person, though can never attain despite the fact you believe you are and have been in ‘Love’.

    No judgement or condescending lecturing; just an honest view based on my journey.

    Let me know,


  14. Yolanda

    Hi, i just want to know what its the best company to work like an escort! I considered the idea, but I want something trustworthy.

  15. AC

    Hello, I’m a blogger and your blog is excellent. Do you host with wordpress.com or you self host? I have many questions for you, but that’s one of my first. I really look forward to your response. And once again, cheers on such a specific and special blog.

  16. Andres

    I read some of your posts/POV and found most of them extremely interesting and profound.
    I could feel the struggle involved in your path and how you decided to embrace your reality.
    I wish you the best with whatever you decide to make of your life and remember, you are stronger than you think and deserve to be happy. Go for it!

  17. Rajesh

    Wish you a happy new year friend. Stay blessed

  18. Lara

    Just pop in to wish you a happy new year!! Xxx

  19. S K

    Could you share your opinions about the make escorts? Or if you know any particular blog for the same then please share it.

  20. Akbar Khan

    @ Lost Girl
    1. Thank you so much for such a detailed response. I appreciate it so much. I also appreciate Sahar for providing us the opportunity for a dialogue through this blog.
    2. Let me first of all clarify that I am not at all a judgmental person and I am so happy and impressed about your strength to stand up against the difficulties and leaving this escorting business. It is a very big thing which you have done and its not a weak person’s task.
    3. Regarding NHS, I have studied NHS model at length, although I am myself not working for NHS, many of my friends are. It has serious constraints and inadequacies. 60% of the budget goes to only emergency room treatments, with another 25% going to Primary Care, the emphasis on specialist care is probably neglected. People have to wait for months and face consequences as mentioned by yourself. Healthcare in today’s world is a very costly commodity and i understand the difficulties of patients.
    4. When i posted some comment, it had to be about a general scenario which fits a sizable proportion, of course individual circumstances differ widely. All in all we probably agree that women opting to sell themselves have serious, social, psychological, economic or other exploitative circumstances otherwise why would they do so. I am cognizant of the hypocrisy, debauchery, deterioration of moral and social values and materialistic approaches prevalent in today’s society. I have always accepted the need that societies address the circumstances which force women to sell themselves.The place and time here is obviously too short to encompass the subject in its entirety.
    5. My usual concern is not “insider vs outsider” emotional conflict. It is rather an attempt to create a realization that how to go about life now and in future. Let us consider that whatever circumstances forced a woman into a situation whereby she resorted to prostitution. Now there are two possible ways forward:
    a. She should keep blaming society for its ills, hypocrisy and exploitation while staying entangled in a state of emotional torment, internal conflict and vicious cycle of selling herself.
    b. She should move forward, leaving past behind, finding ways to bridge the gaps and returning to a more meaningful and wholesome life.

    My focus and aim in encouraging people is towards this part ‘b’. I am not saying that it is easy or perfect solution but at least I try to help people in making focused decisions and choices out of worst circumstances. A sincere and right advice is the best a human can offer to a fellow human being.

    Now why “Outsider” perspective is important? It is because if we don’t bring in outsider perspective, what is left would only be about reinforcing part ‘a’ which would be counterproductive. Agreed that society has ills, but then 99.5% of people are so called ‘Normal outsiders’ and not all are bad. Also on a very broader canvas, ultimately a return to a ‘non-escorting normative’ life would entail some sort of transitional interface between prostitute – normal stage. I hope I have made my point bit clarified.
    Here i will not touch the subject of our spiritual well being and soul which unfortunately has been totally relegated by western societies in favour of biological entity only.

    My appreciation and applause for your strength and struggle and my prayers that you find a life partner whose sincere love and affection brings a new dimension, meaning and dynamism to your life. You may write to me, if deemed appropriate at akbarkhanniazi@gmail.com


    • Lost Girl

      Hi Akbar,

      Thank you again for an interesting and insightful comment.

      I do agree also that moving forward is best for women that have been involved in prostitution. I also agree that asking society to change rather than addressing one’s own issues is problematic in many regards. Even if there is a lot that could be changed in society, it is much easier and more beneficial to one’s own mental health to first try and move on towards a better place.

      That said, I do feel that Western society could be more supportive and less hypocrtitical towards many people, in many ways (I cannot speak for other cultures, being brought up only in the UK). Two examples that spring to mind are women leaving sex work and men leaving the military: both groups, although very different, often suffer from PTSD symptoms and upon leaving their previous life, are left to try and exist in a very egocentric and individualistic world. I feel as though, at present, our society tends to pour fame upon those who are attractive/”sexy” above those who exhibit obvious talent. In other words, we seem to put a lot of attractive yet talentless people on a pedestal. At the same time, we are all encouraged to focus on ourselves and gossip about each other. Perhaps if we could divorce ourselves from these practices and seek empathy even a little more, many people would be better off.

      Regarding the NHS… In my experience, the NHS is a huge mess right now for people suffering from mental health issues. For many people, it simply is not working. I hope that this will change in the future, but I fear that many people will have to pay for private treatment… this leaves people in poor economic circumstances in a very dire place.

      Alas, though. My main focus right now is to try and move forward – and hopefully find some way to help others in the future. Many thanks again for your messages. I really found them very interesting.

      Thanks too to Sahar, for providing a medium for this dialogue.

      Best regards,

  21. Lost Girl

    Ex-escort, here. I just wanted to thank you for this blog.

    I became an escort during my PhD studies in medical science. I had been awarded a full scholarship to assist me throughout my PhD, including living expenses. About half way through my PhD, I suffered from severe depression manifesting with lots of physical symptoms (anaemia because I wasn’t eating well due to the depression, insomnia, headaches etc.). I decided to request a break from study for several months, but was told that I would not be able to shift my scholarship around and receive any support for living expenses during this time off. I made do at first with cutting down severely, but soon found that I was going to need more time off than I’d initially hoped…. I had bills and accommodation to pay, and felt waaay too bad to try a ‘normal’ job for a while… so, I put up an advert on a site. It was just an experiment at first. A client called and I freaked out, but he was lovely and I wound up seeing him… I remember walking away feeling and just thinking, ‘I can’t believe how easy that was!’. I could make enough to live for an entire month in one day….. and because it was such quick, easy money, I was able to deal with the symptoms for short periods of time like that….

    I had no problems with any ‘moral’ issues surrounding escorting, as I believed that I should be able to do what I wanted with my body. But I didn’t think carefully enough about how much even escorting part-time for a short amount of time could damage me. How could I? I was so depressed that I was convinced I was going to kill myself before the end of the year. I wasn’t thinking straight whatsoever. I wasn’t receiving anything near the support I should have, medically and psychologically from the public health service. I never got an STD, always practiced safe sex and only ever had one bad customer. I convinced myself that I would pay for private medical care with any extra that I earned, but never wanted to escort much more than I actually needed…

    My worst experiences after leaving escorting were:

    1) One client spent time/money investigating me and found out who I was. He was ‘nice’, but pretty clingy and creepy in that regard… I don’t know how I feel about him. He said he understands my situation and feels bad for me, and even gave me £500 at one point just to meet him for dinner (no sex or even kissing). He told me about his wife and family and said that I “knew I could trust him” because if he told anyone about me, I could just “go nuclear” on his life. Which I probably wouldn’t do anyways, but… 😐 I feel as though he’s a nice guy but simultaneously the most creepy client I had.

    2) I tried really hard to get back on track, get away from escorting. Started dating a guy. It was going well. Felt really awful about ‘lying by omission’ by not telling him about the escorting in my past (I fall into the category of ‘nice girl’ and not the generalized idea that most people seem to have about prostitutes, and he just wanted a nice girl to settle down with and marry in a few years…). Wound up telling him about it about 4 months into dating and he went MENTAL, threatened to tell my entire family about it and my workplace. Thankfully I wound up convincing him that kind of action would do waaay more harm than good, so he told me he was just going to cut me out of his life entirely.

    3) I have panic attacks and get paranoid about people somehow finding out I used to be a prostitute, and shaming me for it without even fully getting to know my character. Or worse, thinking entirely differently of me even and seeing me in a very negative light despite having been quite close friends. I’m so, so scared of people just …. judging me immediately over it, above all else. Of not giving me a chance. Of seeing me as a ‘prostitute’ and that’s it, no matter what else I have accomplished or what new pastures I have moved on to. I don’t do things I used to love anymore (voice acting, auditioning for amateur dramatic theatre shows) because of this utterly paralysing fear. I mean… if I was an orphan and had absolutely no family that cared for me… I’d probably not care so much. But I’m from a loving, wonderful, family who care deeply for me. I don’t want them to find out through the grapevine that I used to sell my body to old men to scrape by… they’d feel like shit. My dad has severe depression, too, and I can just imagine him blaming himself for everything, even though none of them were in a suitable financial state at the time to help me.

    It feels surreal, in some ways. I wouldn’t say I enjoyed being an escort. Sometimes I felt glamorous and wanted. But mostly, it just felt like a job. Just a much better job than a minimum wage bar job. Something that gave me fast money in a time of desperation. I guess, because of my depression at the time, I was mostly numbed out to the emotional side of it, anyways….

    I have a long-term boyfriend who knows that I was an escort… and he is okay with it, just worried about me. But I didn’t tell him everything. I felt like I needed to make it sound as though someone was manipulating me into it (without saying so many words). I have tried to breach the subject with him, using other escorts as an example… but his general view on it is that he doesn’t care what people do to their own bodies, but he wouldn’t want to associate himself with someone that chose solely to earn income that way.

    I feel as though I’m floating as a ghost, no longer fully part of this world… I feel so disconnected and lonely, sometimes.

    So, thank you for this blog.

    Thank you.

    Thank you for reminding me that the world is a complex, wonderful, terrifying place filled with people who, most likely, are consistently mis-imagined. Even the ‘normal’ ones.

    I have now finished my PhD and work as a cancer researcher.

    I hope one day I will feel whole again. Happy.

    • Akbar Khan

      @ Lost Girl
      I had accidentally stumbled upon this blog in the past and started following it because of the immersive writing power of the blogger. I usually feel very disturbed, empathetic and often sympathetic towards most of the escorts who are trapped into this line of work. Sometimes I also have feelings of anger too. Usually I don’t comment regularly on posts but yours is one such post which made me write.
      1. We all know that most women enter the escorting or prostitution because of some very difficult economic or exploitation circumstances. Most are impoverished, uneducated women. Although I personally do not avidly accept validity of this reason, but nevertheless we condemn such exploitation based environment.

      2. When a highly educated not so economically pressed woman enters this profession based on her individualistic decision based on imperfect (may be distorted) thinking process, I feel both angry and sorry for her. The worst part is that many continue to do so even when their initial dire need for money gets addressed.

      3. In your case, you were a very highly educated person related to medicine (I am myself a doctor), you have good family and possibly peers. You should have addressed the causes of depression and sought Psychiatric help rather than an abnormal escape by doing a damaging activity. I also blame lack of family, social and peer support at the time of depression. Had they been emotionally and otherwise supportive you wouldn’t have ended up in severe depression in the first place or at least recovered soon.

      4. I agree that NHS system is too lousy when it gets to seeking specialist opinion, with often months in between.
      5. The ”Morality Issues” surrounding the prostitution are not totally baseless. They have been crafted and reinforced over centuries by all societies, religions and cultures unanimously. It is not the simple issue of “its my body and let me do whatever i want”. By that logic you could even commit suicide but law sees it as a crime. The social, ethical, moral and religious frameworks differentiate us humans from other animals. Two wrongs do not make a right. We have already pointed out earlier on this blog that prostitution, though rampant, can not be glorified. And the point which often “escorts” forget is that we are condemning prostitution for their very own sake. It gives them way more harm than benefit.

      6. Like in your case, most young women fall victim to a temporary elated feeling from easy money and superficial appreciation by men. However only to later find out that these materialistic things are no good and the price in the form of insignificance, internal conflict, depression, emptiness, identity disorders and social stigma is way too much.

      7. I feel angry that why many young women do not learn from the others and why they have to be a victim to understand. Society does not appreciate people who play victim to the circumstance they themselves created.

      8. For you my humble request is that move forward in life. forget it as a past mistake. Our past mistakes are meant to make us wise, not define us. And you do not have to divulge every minutest detail to your BF or spouse. This is enough that he knows your were escort at some point in time. When your past calls, do not answer for it has nothing new to say. Your contribution would be positive if you can save women by making them aware of drawbacks. For any medical help regarding depression you can seek it through your NHS system or let me know if i can be of any help.


      • Lost Girl

        Hi Akbar,

        Thank you for your reply, I always find it interesting and enlightening to understand the perspectives of others.

        Yes, I agree – I would like to help other young women. Though, I do believe that prostitution is a very complex thing, and that some women are saved by it rather than ruined by it. I speak mostly of women in very dire experiences.

        I do accept responsibility for the path I wound up on, though I feel I must clarify a few things. Not because I necessarily disagree with you, but because I think it can be very easy to judge someone’s actions without fully understanding the path that led them there.

        You commented, ‘You should have addressed the causes of depression and sought Psychiatric help rather than an abnormal escape by doing a damaging activity’ and mentioned the NHS wait.

        In my case, I have suffered from very severe depression for about 13 years. I have been through the NHS system several times and, despite being diagnosed with ‘severe depression’ have essentially been told I am not ill enough to warrant a psychiatrist. I have had the police called to my house 4 times over the past few years out of doctors being worried, yet apparently I am still not ill enough for specialist treatment and just get discharged straight away every time I am sent to a specialist, despite having to wait 3-4+ months for the initial assessment.

        I should also possibly clarify the ‘it’s my body’ comment. Like many women that become escorts, I was sexually abused as a child (not by immediate family members but by an uncle we didn’t see often) and later targeted by a much older man when I was 12-13. I guess, ironically, wanting to feel in control of my body, I wound up dating this guy who was more than twice my age and being sexual with him at a young age. Later I was sexually assaulted by a guy that, to my knowledge, had assaulted 2 other girls. I went to the police about him, but he essentially said something along the lines of, “I probably went too far but it was consensual”. He got away free, despite punching one other girl in the face while sexually assaulting her, and stalking another to her house and forcibly kissing her and feeling her up. I was angry about that for a very long time… and feeling violated, became quite promiscuous as a means of trying to take control of my body.

        ‘The ”Morality Issues” surrounding the prostitution are not totally baseless. They have been crafted and reinforced over centuries by all societies, religions and cultures unanimously. ‘

        ^ This isn’t completely true. Historically, some forms of prostitution were seen very differently to the somewhat polarized morals many societies seem to adhere to today. Remember that many things we see as ‘traditional views’ have not been around for more than 100 years. It is not a view everyone prescribes to, but I sincerely believe morality is subjective. I guess, at that point… I felt as though no one cared when I had been abused or raped. Maybe the one or two very close friends I spoke to were supportive, but as a whole, society didn’t give a f**k and rarely did to other women… I wanted control over my body. If people were going to start caring when I’d actually started making choices about my body, then they could f**k themselves, to be rather frank. Though, obviously, it is not as simple as that – and that kind of thinking arose from a psychologically unhealthy mind at the time.

        ‘ Like in your case, most young women fall victim to a temporary elated feeling from easy money and superficial appreciation by men. However only to later find out that these materialistic things are no good and the price in the form of insignificance, internal conflict, depression, emptiness, identity disorders and social stigma is way too much.’

        ^ I think, perhaps, I was not clear with myself. I think that the small period of time in which I was an escort probably saved my life. I cannot adequately describe how much I felt as I was going to kill myself. My family and my roommate at the time were supportive, but I felt they could not help me financially and should not. I could not get a loan or financial aid. Maybe I could have tried more. But when even getting up in the morning feels like climbing a mountain…. You can imagine what everything else is like. I think the only thing that bothers me is the ‘social stigma’ if people were to find out. But, then again… most of the time I just feel as though society is so broken that I could not care anymore. When my people will simultaneously applaud me and destroy me for being sexual, I just… don’t even know where to look or what to do anymorte.

        ‘7. I feel angry that why many young women do not learn from the others and why they have to be a victim to understand. Society does not appreciate people who play victim to the circumstance they themselves created.’

        ^ I don’t know. It’s odd. I needed to get that off my chest. But I don’t feel so much a ‘victim’. I wish I had not had to do what I did. But it could have been much worse. And I feel that an integral part of life is learning either through yourself or through living in someone else’s life through books, film etc. Ironically, because society as a whole does not wish to adequately explore themes of prostitution in a meaningful manner (i.e. novels in which the protagonist or another character is a believable prostitute), then how must one learn? One cannot learn through the experiences of others if there is a concerted effort to censor those experiences. The only other thing I can add is that when you are that depressed, your entire perspective is different. Added to this, I probably do not perceive sex the same way as most people. I can see how the entire thing can be frustrating for an outsider, looking in… but probably mostly through my childhood experiences, my entire perspective on sex is very uneven, and laden with weird notions on power and dis-empowerment.

        Overall, again, thanks for your comment. I guess what I am trying to communicate is that the ‘choice’ to escort is not clear-cut. I feel it is a very complex thing and that it is very easy to tell someone that they should’ve been stronger, somehow. As far as I’m aware, many escorts have also experienced sexual abuse prior to prostitution… in my experience, that kind of abuse changes an individual’s views towards sex/depression in a very prominent way.

        Right now, I am just trying to get on with life. I guess I wrote that long comment above because I felt all these feelings building up in my chest. As I mentioned, I am a researcher now and feel finally like I am moving beyond my past. I have not gone back to escorting, and definitely don’t intend to. I am glad that I told my boyfriend about my past, because it is important that he accepts me. But I want to move on now and mostly leave things behind me.

        I do hope I can help some women, perhaps, in the future. I’m not sure how yet, though.

        All the best.

        P.S. Apologies for any mistakes. Written all at once before going to bed!

    • escortdiary

      Dear Lost Girl,

      Thank you for sharing your experience.

      Your experience shows how escorting, for some, is the only practical career option for stressful circumstances that women find themselves in.

      I wish you can find someone you trust to confide too, but also be aware that ultimately one cannot rely on others for support all the time. Ideally, I hope you can find wholesome forms of healing on your own – there is always hope dear.

      I have drafted a post regarding post-traumatic stress disorder among prostitutes. You mentioned you have emotional issues resulting from escorting (which is a very common experience for most, if not all, prostitutes). Sometimes, the emotional trauma we experience can be debilitating at times – a classic trait of PTSD. It’s not something others can understand, because they haven’t been in our shoes. We have experiences that most ‘normal’ women and men will never experience (and yes, even prostitutes who have decent experiences face this emotional turmoil). Our experiences in a ‘taboo underworld’ have shaped us deeply, so it is hardly surprising that we feel scared or uncomfortable when integrating within ‘normal’ society.

      I understand what you said when you wrote “I feel as though I’m floating as a ghost, no longer fully part of this world… I feel so disconnected and lonely, sometimes.” I have felt the same at times — but who can understand the feeling of loneliness when you’re a prostitute who has attention and love from many? It’s not easy for outsiders to understand at all. My advice to you is embrace your hopeless feelings. Remember that the worldly life is just temporary and the only way to find true meaning is by doing good for others (especially the needy). Try to gain some meaning in your life by helping those in need when you can. Try to understand that pain and all setbacks are blessings in disguise. It is only via pain that strength is made. Try to mingle with people who have experienced struggle themselves yet are humbled by it, and likewise avoid people who do not understand what struggle means.

      I wish the best for you


      • Lost Girl

        Thank you so much for the reply, Sahar.

        I think I definitely have suffered from traits of PTSD even before becoming an escort, but these intensified for a while after some experiences during escorting. I look forward to reading your post on the matter.

        Yes, I think there is a lot of truth in what you say. Only through pain is strength made.I hope to try and help as many people as I can.

        Thank you again for your wonderful blog.

        All the best,


    Dan, I can totally relate to you’re comments regarding your relationship with you escort girlfriend. I too HAD an escort girlfriend. I had been going to see escorts for over 20 years, when I met this lovely women. She provided a GFE like so many others I had seen, but some how and for some reason we truly connected and fell in love, even though there was a 25 year age difference between us. In the beginning of our relationship, I was ok with her work, but then we began to live with each other and I became insecure and even worse jealous of the men she saw. As you say, I too became somewhat of a control freak. There is a website where clients can write reviews of their experiences with providers. I read her reviews, which of course made it even worse for me. I knew she truly loved me, and when we made love she could be herself and not the person she made herself out to be when she worked. But still I had these issues and I could not let go of them. The resulting stress eventually ended in our breakup after a year. I wish I had been a stronger man and could have delt with her work in a different, more caring way. Now I have lost her.

    Sahar, I wonder what advice you would have for men like me and
    Dan. For me it’s too late, but I’m sure there are others who would appreciate your words of wisdom

  23. SomeoneWhoCares

    Dear Sahar,

    Your writings, thoughts and ideas are both enlightening and thought provoking.
    Whatever anyone thinks about sex workers, it is clear that you command respect, even if indeed some of the posts have been negative towards you – why else would these individuals feel the need to make such impassioned comments if they were not prompted by your feelings? And so too I am compelled to reply as hundreds of others have done.
    You clearly blame society for its attitude towards sex workers – yes, society and cultures across the world are often flawed and the cause of much pain and wrong doing. But, generally these systems are a force of good, and a wise way to organise human kind. They have evolved over hundreds, or thousands and in some cases tens of thousands of years to provide us with a sense of order, direction and beliefs. Generally they “work” for most people to a lesser or greater degree. But because they do not fit in with your chosen lifestyle they do not work for you. Notwithstanding your obvious intellect, it appears as though you believe billions of people who are living or have lived and died, have made a mistake in developing this system and you are the only one who has the foresight to design a better system? I think not. You may not like the system, but it is effective for the vast majority. Society, culture, governments, families – they all have a negative perception towards sex workers for valid reasons. Illicit liaisons lead to broken relationships and broken homes, being the most prominent one, but there are dozens of other reasons why people don’t condone prostitution. But society does not have such harsh attitudes towards forced prostitution/slavery, indeed many cultures actively try to fight against this to protect those who are vulnerable. However, Sahar you are not being forced in any way – you deliberately choose this lifestyle and thus you have little or no defence towards the negativity you have experienced.
    Your ramblings on this site paint a mosaic of emotion – pain, mistrust, intelligence, empathy, anger, sadness, strength, passion, to name a few. But most of all, you display confusion and inner conflict. It seems your mind is constantly battling amongst itself, and whichever emotion is felt strongest at the time wins, but only momentarily. And in the longer term, the same is true – you seem torn between differing goals, desires and directions. I’m sorry to say, you appear hugely tormented, largely by yourself. But often it’s easier to blame society, men, clients, boyfriends, families, the authorities or someone else. Can you not accept some responsibility in life? You are experienced, intelligent and have many talents, so why not put these to greater use? You seem to indulge in your emotions but don’t take any action. I don’t wish to attack you, but surely someone close to you who cares about you, has said “Sahar, what are you doing with your life? Stop this and move on!” If they haven’t said it, then I have! You can escape your torment quite easily, if you choose to – there are many people that can’t because they don’t have the physical, mental or financial choice.
    You have no excuses – you are healthy and pretty, you are intelligent and educated, you are young but experienced. Most importantly you are strong willed, so use all of these resources to do something positive.
    Sleeping around for either money or pleasure ultimately won’t lead to happiness. More like loneliness and shame. Choosing prostitution won’t bring happiness either – it hasn’t worked so far has it? Going on a crusade to champion the cause of sex workers isn’t going to make a difference to people’s lives either, and you delude yourself if you think you can change thousands of years of culture to your way of thinking. It doesn’t matter what religion, culture, race, gender or sexuality you are – you have the power to make a difference and find your way in life.
    Accept that the majority is usually right. Accept that all religions and cultures shun prostitues who choose that way of life for good reasons. Accept that if all the pimps, whores and clients stopped what they were doing, then we would have a better world.
    Stop making excuses and take control of your life. And if you cannot do it on your own, then seek help – there are plenty of good people and organisations who will help.
    Finally, stop defending something which is morally wrong, and start defending goodness and family values. You really are on the wrong side of the fence and I’m pleased to say in a tiny minority which will ultimately lose the war.
    We are not animals, we are thousands of times more intelligent than any other creature on earth, so let’s not degrade humankind in thinking that we cannot be monogamous. Find someone you love who you can be with and have a family with them. Find a job that makes you and other people happy. And judging by you inner turmoil, find a good counsellor or psychiatrist.
    People care, so take that on board rather than hitting out at the world! I care, so if you ever need a shoulder, then here is mine.
    May God, Allah, Budda and Abraham bless you!
    Brian x

    • Akbar Khan

      @ Brian x
      As a reader I thank you for putting it in such a balanced and clear way, perhaps any impartial and balanced person won’t disagree with you. I fully agree with you and that’s what I mostly tell people. Wrong is wrong and in no way can be justified through jugglery of words. Identity conflict, confusion, inner battle and self-torment are the real issues which many of the so called high class escorts face. (this is also a misnomer in my opinion – prostitute is a prostitute, no high or low). Although there are social injustices, exploitation and economical difficulties which force women into prostitution, we all must condemn these and societies should make an honest endeavor to address those issues. (As you said, societies do take such measures to protect those who are vulnerable). However these reasons cannot be made an excuse to justify and glorify prostitution. At a given moment in time a given number of women are exposed to social, financial and emotional difficulties but they all do not resort to selling themselves…..only weaker ones do it. Societies, Religions and Prophets, cultures regardless of race and region have unanimously condemned illicit liaisons for very valid reasons. Where as prostitution among very impoverished, uneducated, smuggled women in very poor countries might be understandable, it is difficult to comprehend in this case. What hurts me the most is that an educated, extraordinarily intelligent, physically healthy and beautiful young woman voluntarily chose it and then continues to sell herself, for easy money and enjoying sex and satisfying lust. I feel deeply disturbed for so many reasons. As Brian has said we are not animals merely governed by the biochemical effects of tiny molecules of testosterone and estrogen /progesterone, we rise above it. And if we can not rise above it then we are probably worse than animals. Prostitution has never brought happiness to anyone and will never. It is a lost cause and on the day of judgement it sure is a bad baggage. Most of the prostitutes have underlying severe depression and identity conflicts which make their life miserable. They usually do not seek psychiatric help for fear of identity trace or shame and are caught in a vicious cycle of worsening crisis. In my personal capacity, I have always advised young women (who were seeking to be escorts) to be aware of the dreadful later consequences and the price they will ultimately have to pay. At the time of emotional vulnerability, lack of social and family guidance and negative company plus easy money and sexual ecstasy traps them into a dark world. Superficial praise, shallowness and ego-inflation is all what lies there. Our past mistakes are not meant to define us, they are meant to make us wise and learned. We must make efforts to separate wrong from the right and take the right path, even though it seems difficult, for ultimately solace and happiness lies there.
      In my personal capacity I am deeply saddened and perturbed after reading this blog. I pray to my Creator and he knows my said and unsaid prayers.

  24. ajay. rahul

    I desperately want sex with u. Will u?

  25. passionboy

    hi Sahar, ur blog is interesting. About why men pay for sex – the simple answer in my opinion is evolutionary / genetic need as men need variety and something new and exotic after a while; to enjoy and cherish with full passion, I don’t know how female sexuality works, you can reflect on it better I guess.

    • escortdiary


      I disagree with evolutionary theories regarding men and women, as they fail to note the extreme diversity in human social patterns cross-culturally and historically. Many intellects have countered evolutionary theories like this as purely pseudo-science, a ‘science’ fabricated and used to forward a particular agenda. In other words, this type of belief system upholds the status quo of the society we live in today. It is not a universal.

      I, as female, desire and crave sex the same as most men do, if not more in some cases. However I also realize that meaningless sex is not desirable — many men also realize this.

      The reason why women with my erotic appetite are rare is because most women have been socialized by societal norms to feel SHAME for their sexuality (thus, they do not explore it). The irony is that women today are told to express their sexuality, yet only in shallow ways. What exists now is a phenomenon of women who dress and ‘act’ sexy, but beneath the facade these women are still not sensually-awake women. So men marry a seemingly ‘sensual’ attractive woman and then feel sexually starved because their wife never had any genuine desire for sex — and thus, they begin looking for something more promising. Capitialism exploits this societal conflict immensely — keeping men sex starved and having sex commodified makes those in power very rich.

      Sounds confusing, but hopefully one day I can write this out in a way that makes more sense…


      • passionboy

        I totally agree with second part of your reply. I belong to eastern part of the world, I am very passionate about sex and desire and crave it a lot. Its good to know that you desire and crave it actually. Real problem as you said is women are socialized to feel shame for their sexuality so men find other avenues to fulfill their cravings. If only we accept sex and desire as a natural phenomenon and women are encouraged to explore and embrace it fully in their marriage without any shame, things will be much better; as sex is a wonderful thing for soul and body and more meaningful and passionate it is, more good it is for husband and wife.

  26. James S

    Great dissertation and point of view on “Can Men Really Be Blamed for Cheating.” If only, other women (and men) could speak openly and candidly about the unrealistic expectations that western society places on married couples.

  27. Admirer

    I just found this blog today. Kinda stumbled upon it. I do have to say you are an amazing writer, so eloquently put. I’m twenty-six and all my life I have only seen the poor helpless sad prostitute, more of a girl than a women. I’ve only ever read of women like you. I’m a huge history buff and I tell my friends all the time not to shun this profession. At one time this was the highest station a women could get. She had true freedom in this. As a wife you are not allowed such freedom. As a wife you are at your husbands will, but as this you could do for yourself. Actually it was high class prostitutes that were more educated as well. I applaud you for being so open about your life and about yourself. I really do appreciate the window into yourself that you let me peek in. How you write actually makes me feel like I am walking in your shoes and understanding it all. You have hooked me women, this is a power that only the best courtesans posseded.


    I like ur attitude towards ur passion
    What ever u do if u love and do
    Then it is a real living
    U can clearly diffrentiate love and sex
    My humble pranams for this maturity
    I love the way u articulate words
    Dharma what u follow is awesome
    I pray for ur happy life
    And I wish the same
    Stay blessed

  29. id like to talk to people on here how do i
    do that

  30. Roberts

    Hi! EscortDiary…I am physically healthy and have a strong desire for sex but I have a problem of maintaining my erection and controlling my orgasm for at least 30-45 minutes during love-making. My soulmate enjoys making love to me but I can satisfy her only for a brief period of time. Can you recommend any escort girl who can teach me how I can I extend my staying power. Appreciate very much if you can help…

    • Nils

      Hi Roberts, there are lots of other ways to satisfy a woman then during intercourse. I dont think you are special in any way if you cant keep it uo for 45 minutes. 😉
      Try to use your imagination and/or search the web for ideas but most important of all, aks your sould mate what she needs from you. cheers!

  31. Nils

    Dear Escort Diary, thanks for your blog. I´ve read some of it and its Amazing and also gives me some thought and aspects to consider.
    I´ve been seeing quite a few prostitutes the last years. Some of them native of my country but very many of them from foreign countries. I live in a northern European country.
    Lately I´ve been seeing a woman who is in the way that she has fullfilled all my sexual wishes and desires. And I´d Think they are rather modest. I am not a wealthy man.
    After having read your and other blogs I understand how silly of me it would be to hope for anything more than the physical and mental relaxation she has to offer me.
    Thanks for letting me share this with you and your readers. I admire your perspicaciousness shared with so many other working Girls and women as well as some men too.

  32. Johnny

    It’s sad to hear women think of all men as pigs. Not all men are willing to pay for sexual services. I haven’t had sex in quite a while. Embarasing to say 12 years. Yet I have not gone to an escort. I’ve been to an escort 2 times in my life, and found it unpleasant. The true passion of making love isn’t there. It is more of a wam bam thank you mam, which I don’t find satisfying. If anything I’d rather spend money taking a woman out for a nice dinner and what not. A woman who’s willing to have sex because she feels like having sex with me not because she’s getting paid. A woman having sex because she’s getting paid isn’t genuine sex. it’s paid sex. Not the same.

    • escortdiary

      I agree it is sad when women say all men are problematic or vice versa — there is good and bad in everyone.

      I understand you’re disappointment with the sex industry. In most cases, as I have stated before on the blog, a real intimate connection is hard to find when sex is being purchased. However, genuine intimacy in this context is not impossible. My own escorting life is an example of how love/chemistry/intimacy can occur between escort and client. I don’t have sex with men outside of work, so my only outlet to express my sensuality is within the realm of work. Not all women sell themselves in the same manner — some women are more open to intimacy than others (though, rare).


      • Lara

        Dear escort diary ,
        I agree with everything you said. Love between a escort and client is not impossible. I have been there and I gave up my work for 2 years and I had the best time loving this man. I didn’t get any financial support from him cause I wanted just his love and respect, but one day on Valentine’s Day in NYC I found out that he was paying others escorts 500$ an hour to have sex while I was there and giving him what he assumed he needed ( love, attention,sex)”
        I was broken
        I cried and didn’t work for another 1 year
        Now I am more careful . Am back to the industry and I know that I can fell again . I am not scared of being in Love.
        And I know between a man and a woman anything can happen
        Warm hugs

      • escortdiary

        Dear Lara,

        Thank you for sharing that.

        Never be with a man who doesn’t provide financially for you. Decent men have no issues providing for a woman they truly care about.

        Sorry to hear about your experience but hopefully you learnt a lesson to not give your heart away to a man who does not make an effort to move mountains for you

        Best wishes

  33. Dan

    Thank you so much for your blog! My girlfriend begun escorting roughly four months ago and it’s been a… Rocky start. I’ve really had a lot of trouble being able to separate her work from our relationship and have been constantly waiting for her to run away with a client which, in turn, had caused me to become somewhat of a control freak – causing her to become more isolated and dishonest while I myself became more angry.

    Thank you so much for your insight and your incredible writing. You’ve really gone a long way in opening my eyes to the internal struggle she’s facing and hopefully I can regain her trust and provide enough comfort for her to open up to me so that she knows she’s not alone and that I will shoulder whatever I can of the weight she is carrying because I truly love this human being.

    • Nils

      Hello Dan, thanks for your posting. Your Love, affection and warm feelings for your girlfriend reflects in your Words. 🙂
      I wonder, when she started escorting, was that something you were both agreeing about?
      Please apoligize my question but I wonder about your situation because as you can see below, I am at least very interested a woman that I´ve met as her customer since a couple of months back.
      I wish I could get to know her more in private. Maybe we will get closer maybe we won´t. So far she´s been very careful with what she shares with me. I realize that and most likely it is so that I have to accept that I will never be anything more to her than a customer.

  34. Natasha Edwards

    My husband of 20 years has never in college and high school been a ladies man. He was always Academic. Him being rejected constantly in his youth is now affecting him in adulthood. At 45 he is now constantly fantasizing about exotic women. I’m really confused I’m hurt but I’m trying understand what he’s going through and I’m tryin to be there. Through his adulthood he’s grown up to be very attractive 6’6 Athletic built man. Because he carries himself in a professional manner people are not as engaging in flirting with you. He’s taking it that he’s not attractive that he can’t even get a woman to even look his way . That’s not the case at all, even though he’s looked at as very professional and hard-working. He doesn’t give people the welcoming feeling of being able to tell him that he looks nice or some type of comment. Because of that he is start seeking attention from upscale escorts who are exotic. He said this started a few months ago. Even though I’m considered daily as exotic and beautiful he doesn’t understand why I am not enough. He craves to have unattached sex. We have a great sex life and I’ve always been open to any and everything. Because I know he’s genuinely a good man who loves me I’m trying to understand but it still hurts. at times he asks like a college student and what he fails to understand is that he’s paying for a fantasy and or affection that’s really not true. I don’t know how to help him and I’m scared he’s going to get so caught up in this fantasy that he’s going to start to believe that it’s real. Any escort would love to have him as a client. He’s very sympathetic of the craft that you all perform and he treats his escort like they were friends or like a girlfriend he cares about and tries to help outside of their interaction. Usually these escort courts are between the ages of 21 and 29

    • Arnauld

      Hi Natasha

      This is probably not what you want to hear but what you describe is exactly me with one exception. He is tall and handsome – me I am neither.

      I understand what he is feeling and what he is going through and what the excitement is. The danger is that he will fall in love with one and that will probably break his heart. I speak from experience – I know there is no love there apart for the gifts dinners and income for her and that there is no future. But I am so long gone that I am already heart broken before I’ve been ditched.

      What’s the answer ? I really don’t know. I can’t even say that you need to be more adventurous – it sounds like you already are. My wife is very conservative and we haven’t had physical contact for over 5 years. That, and the reasons you outlined, really drove me to this.

      I hope he comes out of this. Let know if you want to discuss further.


    • Darrell

      Sounds like the problem is you. You have allowed him to control the relationship and you have allowed him to hurt you. True love does neither. A really good man (mate) doesn’t hurt someone he loves. You may need to set him free so he can learn the difference between reality and fantasy. His looks have nothing to do with it but makes a good excuse. And you are fooling yourself… you don’t have really good sex because when you have sex with him you aren’t there “to him”!

  35. David B

    I’ve gotten close to an escort and I’ve seen the good and bad of this industry. I just read this and wish I had seen this before. I think all clients should read this before seeing an escort. And learn some respect towards escorts they are still human beings and female’s… I know theyvwouldntv like if their mothers or daughters who could be in this indusrty want to be called rude names…

  36. Hello! and thank you for sharing with the world! Your writings are amazing! I would love to feature your piece on “Types of Clients, an Escorts Perspective” on our site and have you as a guest blogger, if you’re interested. Please contact me at jashlenvip@gmail.com or info@cityessence.net if you’d be willing to allow us to feature your above piece on our site’s blog. Our site is http://www.CityEssence.net and while our site and blog are fairly new, we would be very honored if you would consider us.
    Thank you, in advance, for your time and I do hope to hear from you!
    Very Sincerely,
    Jessie Ashlen

  37. I was here to thank you for liking a post on my blog. Then, as I went through yours, I was overwhelmed and amazed by your writing as well as your dignified responses to some really unpleasant comments. Hats off to you.

  38. Jorge Mancuso

    I came upon your blog today and all I can say is wow!, I really love your writings, very eye opening and insightful as I read “A Question of Poison – Western- Liberal Values”. It is so sad that so many traditional Ancient Arts are dying such as Chinese Taoism, Taoist philosophy, Taoist sex practices, and Chinese Taoist meditation methods among other traditional ancient practices across the globe among all cultures that are going obsolete and being replaced by the ways of the west and all the negative characteristics that are associated with the western culture that we see impacting society all the way down to a person’s psychology on an individual level (psychological cultural conditioning ).

    Mao Tse-tung around 1949/ 1950 had all the books on spirituality, Taoist , Buddhist writings books philosophies and schools destroyed by China’s military force during the time. This strategy is used today more insideously but less direct and less aggressively to indoctrinate the various cultures around the world with the negative traits of the ways of the west as the ancient traditional way’s are slowly being replaced and slowly dying off. What’s wrong with us? Why are people in the modern world so harsh, so hateful and negative? What happened to our connection to spirituality, love kindness and humility. This is all being replaced with self interest, competition, ego, social isolation, mean spirited individuals and social status. This is so sad.

    Anyways…., when I was 9 years old I was sexually abused by a female relative who was 10 years older than me at the time. As I grew older I started noticing I was very sexual as a child but had a hard time getting emotionally close to, trusting, and getting intimate with women ( and letting women “see into me” / “in to me see”/ intimacy) later on in life. My vast family of female cousins would tell me “your so handsome, you look like that James Bond guy, Pierce Brosnan, do you have a girlfriend” I would tell them “no”.

    I would do favors for women, buy them things, and write romantic poetic texts and letters to them and was very caring and sweet with these women that I was trying to date in the regular civilian world but every time they would take advantage of me and slander my goodness. I eventually stopped trying to date these women in the civilian world who were way too controlling. (I remember recently, not too long ago, I met this very beautiful girl and we had good chemistry together and she tried to get close to me and I stopped taking to her. I didn’t “let her in”, I didn’t let her “see into me” because I don’t trust her and I’m damaged on the inside. She sent me a letter “When someone won’t let you in, eventually you stop knocking”)

    At 21 years old I started seeing escorts. I paid my first escort to come over my house for an outcall through an escort agency online. I wanted to cook for her since I enjoy cooking and as my way of caring for her. She shows up and she is too business like and controlling, since it was my first time paying for an outcall escort she takes advantage to con me and persuade me (since I’m so nice and humble to her) to give her more money. This similar type of situation of a hardened business like controlling attitude occurs to me over and over again throughout the years. I still see escorts to this day as I’m 25 years old and have found caring providers I see when I get depressed and want to feel loved.

    I recently started to see a sex positive sex therapist / psychotherapist who encourages me to see escorts and is currently helping me with my inability to trust, and get close emotionally to and be vulnerable with women as I am hyper sexual and confuse sex with love. I’ve grown so accustomed to escorts that I don’t want to be with regular women who live in the civilian world ( I guess because regular women will think I’m too sexual for them as I tend to confuse sex for love and I feel more comfortable being with an escort who I can relate to, open up to, and be vulnerable with and let my guard down when I’m around them, maybe even trust them .

    Formerly I almost got into the adult film industry as an adult film actor but came to the conclusion that there are too many downsides for me and my future. I thought of the possibility of becoming a male escort for females.

    Thank you
    so much

  39. Ola

    Hello Madam,
    I stumbled on you blog by chance. I have spent all night reading the thoughtful responses ,comments and replies. I commend you candor and intelligence. Here is my question for you, WOULD YOU REMAIN AN ESCORT IF YOU MADE THE SAME AMOUNT OF MONEY DOING WHAT YOU ENJOY FOR THE SAME LENGTH OF TIME WORKING INDEPENDENTLY AND AT YOUR OWN PACE?. An honest answer to this question by any escort would reveal the real motive behind the stigmatised occupation.

  40. Darrell

    One day leaves to another and then stops… I meaningless process

  41. “I am a woman who belongs no where in society. It took me years to realize how living an ‘abnormal’ lifestyle made it harder to participate in ‘normal’ life.”

    I think this is going to be my new life motto. Good for you, I admire and envy you, in great ways of course.


  42. John


    Really appreciate your blog. Reading it has given me a lot of insights into how an escort-client relation can/should be.

    However I managed to fall in love with an escort half my age. I am 47. She lights up my grey depressed life and can’t stop thinking about her. She knows it and has been honest enough to say it is never to be and I accept that.
    It started as a couple of visits – nothing unusual plain vanilla. I asked her number and got it. i met her for a few occasions for drinks etc no sex – just holding hands. Couple of weeks ago I asked her to spend 24hrs with me and she agreed. The most magical 24 hrs where we went shopping, dining etc.

    Back in the hotel I was just happy to lie next to her – she offered oral but I just couldn’t do it to her. Same with sex. I just care so much for her that it’s not sec anymore. She said this made it awkward for her and uncomfortable. She even wouldnt accept money as I had spent substantial amount on shopping. For a few days after we were ok – constantly on Whatsapp but then abruptly she cut me off. Said I was crazy but no explanation. Only thing I can think was I sent her flowers.

    She agreed to see me again but said I couldn’t come to hers – I booked a hotel and that was it. She assumed it was for sex. Which it wasn’t. I just wanted to see her. Finally we agreed to meet at a coffee shop. Half way there I stupidly SMS a response saying I had suggested her place but she had said no and she flipped. Called it off altogether saying I was twisting things out of context etc.

    Problem is I really have fallen hook line and sinker. I know it’s not to be but just can’t forget her !

    I know this isn’t an agony aunt column but perhaps some advice you may have for me? What do I do? Can I still call her as a client? Don’t think she’ll see me any other way.

    • Darrell

      In response to John:

      Wow, it’s all about you! You are so worried about the future you can’t enjoy the present. Tomorrow you may be dead or she may be dead so why worry about the day after tomorrow. Everything in life is temporary. Sorry, just had to add my 2 cents after reading your woe-is-me story. She is right, if you turned her offer down, you are crazy!

  43. Sukhi

    Found your blog very insightful and helpful. I am in a conundrum, about a year ago I met my girlfriend. We clicked right from the word go, at that time she was starting her MTV transition. I was supporting her financially through her transition till a couple of months ago. When she started escorting to pay for her transition. I do love her like I have never before and she loves me too (I believe she does) anyways I find it really hard to take in stride that she sleeps with other men. I could really do with some advice as to how to handle this, really distraught.

  44. Anon

    What cities do you tour?

  45. You open my eyes about some woman I know who are sex-worker….Thx a lot

  46. Hello Sahar,
    Your blog is unique, could you please make a full post about your first lesbian experience from the start of meeting her to finish. I know you didn’t enjoy it but please post how you picked her and what the two of you did.
    Do you believe in Female Supremacy?

  47. Rose

    Tonight I am missing escorting. I slowed down in November and took my last wonderful appointment with one of my favorite clients about 3 months ago. God or Allah had a lot to do with transition into normal life…. It hard not having physical affection. I really miss that part of it. I was a GFE because I love cuddling, massage and kissing (as long as you brush your teeth regularly).

    I’ve had two boyfriends since quitting. One was a former client, who I think I just couldn’t fall for. I loved his friendship, but I also felt like I was his dirty secrete. I knew him for 8 months. Since I quit escorting, he’d see me once a week. Always making plans at the last minute, never introducing me to anyone in his life, and the weird part was that he’d never answer my calls (I only called him about three times and he didn’t have voice message). He just didn’t make me feel important. It came to the point where I felt like I was more of his free whore where he’d see me when he was horney. As I progressed in my faith of God, I couldn’t have sex or give him blow jobs anymore, and he quit seeing me, so I guess that’s all he wanted me for, so it’s good that he’s gone.

    The other guy has been teaching me about Islam and trying to convert me Ito being a Muslim. When we first started hanging out he was so sweet and the chemistry between us was amazing. The day After our second hot and heavy make out session (yes organism were given) he told me that he didn’t want a serious relationship. I’ve tried cutting back to just being friends and awesome conversations, but then sometimes we make out. Then tonight where I ran into him at the gym and he was talking to my trainer and anther trainer, and he just totally ignored me and actually stepped away from me as my trainer was saying hi to me. Again, what am I just a dirty secret? He doesn’t know I was an escort. This is just men being jerks.

    This makes me want to go back to escorting where at least I received money instead of just being used. What’s worse is being manipulated to think a man cares when he just wants sexual favors. What the F*ck, do I have a sign on my back saying that I’m a whore at heart, so insert penis here? Who cares if I have feelings?

    To avoid heart ache, are my only choices in life to either be a none who only serves God and doesn’t have the chance to meet a man or be an escort with walls around my heart where at lest I don’t get used for free?

    Thanks for giving me a safe place to vent and your wonderful blog. I wish we could be friends.

    Even after quitting escorting, the fact that I was an escort still leaves me so lonely. I’ll never tell anyone not bound by law to keep secrets what I used to do, and that leaves me with God alone to heal my heart from the scars it left behind. I just don’t know if I’m patient enough to let Him do His thing.

  48. rahul

    I am 26 yr old and single. I wanted to do sex. And while searching on net about escort service i found your website. I find this website very helpful. A girl who is actually working in this service given information from all aspects. And I also learned from you that doing sex with whom you love gives you more satisfaction. So I gave up idea of doing sex with unkown girl. Thank you for this valuable information…..!!

  49. John

    Hello Sahar
    I’m so very happy to find your blog. Thank you! Yo give us such a beautiful expression of this corner of humanity.

    Since I cannot spend big $ I’m only experienced with the world that is not high class. It is frequently deeply disturbing to see the young asian women in the SF bay area choosing this work out of desperation, at the expense of their soul, it seems. They are sometimes deeply damaged by it. And the sometimes appalling men they service who “review” these people from the perspective of the sometimes appaling people they seem to be. The quality of experience in such a context is impaired by the status of the emotional lives of these ladies, the inappropriateness of the profession for them. Its heartbreaking to see.

    I’m sorry to bring the truly dark side. That dark side makes your work all the more enriching, It is so refreshing to read your work and have a bit of contact with the beauty you express.

    Thank you !

    • John

      I’ve kept distance for years, creaped out by the spectre of young asian women controlled and indentured into servitude, by debt. Young , too young. One person I met was so upsetting to see I don’t think I can return to that scene at all. Its too thoroughly dehumanized.

    • escortdiary

      Thank you for commenting John. It’s very true that reviews of escorts are problematic and misleading on so many levels. I will be posting a post on the concept of ‘escort reviews’ one of these days. In essence, what reviews reveal is not so much about the realistic details of a particular escort, but rather it reveals the character of the clients whom is writing the review. If a client can reduce an escort to physicality and the physical acts she offers, then this is a clear indication this client has no concept of true intimacy.

      Take care

      • John

        Thank you for your response.
        I still look for a nice connection with a lady locally. For my own reasons I seek relationship that does not fit conventional mode but has the rewards of authenticity and love, caring. Its not looking too good so far.

        There seems to be a partition between men and women …. the inhumanity of men speaks for itself. The women often do not speak good English (learn English, for what or who ??) who become “mechanics” since these men seem mostly at that level … they seek their bread and butter and have no good optioins. The girls get involved additionally with men the can milk money out of …. and who can blame them? Their needs are elemental. There isn’t much opportunity for them for loving emotional or intellectual connection, given the population of men. I’d be willing to bet they crave it though.

        They almost all hope to find love, even marriage, at least those I’ve chatted with about that. Hope springs eternal.

      • > It’s very true that reviews of escorts are problematic and misleading on so many levels. I will be posting a post on the concept of ‘escort reviews’ one of these days.

        Hello Sahar. I am glad that you are still writing. Please write such a post soon. Thank you.

  50. Victoria

    I stumbled across your blog and I’ve fallen in love with your writing style. You seem to be a powerful, wise woman with a lot to offer to the world. I will definitely be reading any updates!

    To all of those who are commenting here urging her to “stop selling herself,” I think she’s doing just fine. It’s her body and if she wants to be an escort you have no right to make value judgments on her employment. All the holier-than-thou’s in this world are always far too interested in telling women what they should be doing with their bodies and sexuality, in my opinion.

  51. Thanks for your Blog. Is very interesting to read them an your tips too. Please continue this and publish it in future.

  52. JohnDC64

    Thank you so much for your blog. I found it very interesting and deep. It’s not so long time that I started to date escorts and I feel what you wrote quite true. Please, continue to do this.Will be nice if one day we can meet.
    Best regards

  53. Rose

    Thank you so very much for your blog. It’s been so helpful with life balance, maters of love and business. Plus, it’s good to know I’m not alone in the way I view so many things. I only have one friend who I didn’t meet through escorting who knows what I do. I wish I could speak freely about my adventures to more people.

    Several times you and your other escort readers have asked how how or have a “normal life” while also being an escort. I have done so successfully for several months and I’m only getting better.

    The number one key to remember is that unless your wearing extremely skimpy sexy clothing, no one who’s just looking at you is thinking your an escort. Strangers don’t know and if your like me, my family and friends wouldn’t guess either. It’s not something most people think about. Sometimes the secret weighs heavy on me, but here are a few things that helped me feel/seem normal. These things will also help you transition out of escorting when you’re ready.

    Maintain a real job. It doesn’t matter what kind of job. This is my number one thing to keep me in touch with reality. It helps me have something normal to talk about with friends, family and even my Jon’s. I’m lucky to work some where with health insurance. Plus, if I never see a John again, I can still pay all my bills.

    Limit the hours you’re available for escorting to the most profitable days and times. During the slow escorting hours do normal life stuff. This is when I exercise, spend times with my real life friends, and work my non-escorting business.

    Start your own business. The thrill and excitement are way fun. It’s a good way to meet people. I personally chose Mary Kay. There are a ton of direct sales business with very minimal start up cost, and of course, you may have your own business dream. This is turning into so much fun, I’m hardly escorting anymore.

    Read books or watch the news to have normal things to talk about.

    Live somewhere other than where you escort. It’s nice to have a privet place to call home. I never bring clients home. I happen to live with a family and can’t have guest, but now that I’ve gotten good at saying, “I live with family and can’t have guest”. I’m sure I’ll continue this even once I get my own space.

    When I really want to tell my non-escort friends about a particularly john, I say it was a date, we met online, he bought me dinner. Then I’ll tell the details. My friends and roommates just think I date for fun a lot. I also see a lot of repeat clients, so these make for better ongoing stories and make it look like I’m not a totally bouncing around. When my friends ask about meeting him, I just say it’s not to that level.

    Hopefully some of you find this helpful. This has really helped me to live a more enjoyable life. Plus now, as I’m transitioning to not being an escort, I have friends, hobbies, a job, a safe place to live and another exciting business to fill my days.

    • escortdiary

      Hi Rose

      Thank you for sharing those valuable insights and tips for escorts. Many of your points are identical to the advice I would give to other escorts too. Take care of yourself

      Sahar x

  54. It’s a very good business for college girls as myself to pay tuition or pay student debt off but its also good to have another job as a front for your side work …, just be careful

  55. sorry mom

    I stumbled across your blog as I was looking up how to become an escort. I am 22, fit and very much in debt. I need the money to go to university. and moneys always my
    priority. reading this has given me tips but also has made me think. I’m not big on emotions. but this has definently helped. thank you.

    • Mahfuz

      You are a great writer , I must have to say it again and again. I have started your blog as a curisity but I was so admired that I could not come out from that.
      Thank you very much to narrete every thing so artistically. Please continue this and publish it in future , so that more people can be benefited .
      Almighty (Allah) keep you in peace and happyness.

    • escortdiary

      Thank you for commenting, and I wish you stay safe. Best wishes.

  56. He came again, and it was magic, and we left, wending our way through the house, under the building, through the serpentine hallways, and out into the great heaving gorgeous city, and it was magic.

  57. charles

    hi, your blog is a great insight to a perspective of a call girl. recenlty, within the last year or two, I have visited a few girls, and found myself caring much for this one; i have only seen her about four times. I saw her once for a short period, and several months later, walked by her and she recognized me without hesitation. She works in a red light district so she sees many guys per night, per week, year, etc. The last trip,which was my forth visit to her, she became more chatty, gave me more info about her and our time seemed more intimate; she was the instigator of the intimacy,At one point, I closed my eyes and she made a comment for me to wake up-i was just enjoying her motion. She looked deeply into my eyes the entire time, this is something that she did not do the times before. She chatted up her goals, and family info. It seemed she was trying to let me in. I texted her since my trip, since i got her number last time–i live 5000 miles away from her. I’ve spelled it out for her that my only intention is to be friends, i genuinely care for her future. After some thinking, I realized it is no longer viable to pay her for sex; its a roller coaster of emotions and can’t even imagine how much life she has lost being a prostitute. Your blog has helped clear the air.

  58. vam

    I can understand all the thoughts expressed here but am not inclined to enter the pros and cons debate or add to empathy / sympathy sentiments.

    The plain truth is that we each, in this crowd of billions, desire to fulfill ourselves in a company of two, and then work towards being One.

    That’s how we are programmed. The money issue merely distracts. Some may find in it an alternate means to ‘fulfillment’ … but it remains the second best, no matter how it eases or glorifies.

    There is nothing like leading a simple, honest married life though, I agree, nothing as difficult too !

    Best wishes, anywhichway you choose.

    🙂 _/\_

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  60. Louis

    Dear Sahar,

    I am glad to have found your blog, you are an amazing writer.

    I had my first experience with a social escort a couple of days ago. I went ahead out of curiosity and lust, and was not anticipating a roller coaster of emotions. Reading your articles has helped me to deal with them. In retrospect I wished I had read your blog earlier and went in with the “Wham, Baam, thank you Maam” mindset, but by nature I fall in the category of the “The Nice Guy who’s Divorced, or Broke up with his Long-time Girlfriend”.

    From another perspective, your articles have enriched me, and I found much joy and intellectual stimulation reading them.

    I wish you the same peace, comfort and joy that your blog has brought me.


  61. Hi! Do you have an email address I can contact you on? I am doing some research into escorts who are in relationships for a documentary and would really appreciate your views. You can contact me via email. Thanks – Laura.

  62. bob

    Women & men should be able to make any arrangements cordial to coming together without stigma or disability in society.

    The exchange of money is but one way of showing consideration between a man & a woman. Other considerations often obscure and obfuscate, but material comfort’s desire is so often the root of it, that moral distinctions turn to grey. The seeking of comfort is a natural phenomenon between women & men.

    Lives change. Desires change. We live & grow.

    What we experience and whether is is pleasurable or desirable changes as our journey down life’s path moves forward.

    Human nature since time immemorial has been a chronicle of women and men seeking each other.

    It is a journey with many passages, the possibility for life’s fulfillments constantly renewed. Our free will expressed as our sensibilities evolve over time. Our emotions changing with time. Our needs changing with time.

    I see no reason for moral stigma.

    The pathos expressed in these writings is appreciated.

    Thank you

  63. Nicole

    How do I become an escort?

  64. George K

    Hi there; I just came across your blog and have only read two of your entries so far – A Courtesan: A Curiosity of Clients Intentions, dated: July 2/2013 and Escorts, Clients and the Sex Industry: Questions and Answers # 5, dated: Feb 28/2013. I am pleasantly surprised that there are people out there, like you, reaching out with deep insights and wisdom, to try and educated others about this industry. And my heart aches when I think of the painful lessons you had suffered to learn some of these lessons. I am however comforted by the fact that you now see the truth so clearly and completely and are able to express them so elegantly and beautifully. One of your phrases that stood out for me was: “adopting shallow values only attracted shallow people”. Have you considering turning this blog into a book? There are so many “lost souls” out there, your valuable perspectives could help many of them. I wish you well.

    • escortdiary

      Thank you kindly for the comment. I may consider one day writing more. It warms my heart knowing that my words can give others comfort.

  65. Hey there! I’ve been following your weblog for
    some time now and finally got the courage to go ahead and give you a shout
    out from Austin Tx! Just wanted to mention keep up the excellent work!

  66. sajan

    Haii dear, ur interview/blog was quite interesting. Although a guy without this habit, ur interview was an answer for my questions. Throughout the article reflects ur dedication, sincerity and passion towards ur job. Well done

  67. Writing will move mountains

    It is rare to see such divine beauty within a soul from the inside out simply by reading the words of such a confident and well situated woman as yourself. What give here in your writing is something way beyond just writing. It shed’s light on knowledge. Knowledge of a subject that most have always been curious about, but not brave enough to truly understand. Through your writing you have truly tapped into my mind and heart. Please keep writing You’re truly making this world a better place with it.

  68. One of the problems I have is with the language of “Selling your body”. Many of the sex workers I know would take great offence to that language – regardless of potential addiction, you are still selling a service like any other.

    There are many other jobs that are emotionally devastating. Wage slavery is a terrible thing.

    Of course you recognise that the problem is with stigma – were sex work seen as a “real” profession, there would be transferable skills. But as is – you have to start out from rock bottom, working a shitty minimum wage job.

    Capitalism, inequality are huge issues as is racism in your case as many men will exoticise you in an unpleasant way – just as they will do for a transwoman like myself.

    I have been considering sex work though have always been aware it’s not all glamorous. I am more likely to try something like phone sex as I am far too inexperienced to do anything else. If I could dip my toe into it now and again, however, I probably would. As a transwoman with an alternative appearance and loud personality I believe I do have something to offer.

    But i’m not selling my body doing so more than anything else.

  69. Hi Sahar,

    we are still eager to read your forthcoming article on “reviews” forums.

    Have a sweet day.

  70. fred

    Arab immigrant boys in Paris are castrated at a private club and sold to expensive gay clubs to work as “rent boys”. They and their families get money for this. So it’s not only daughters that are sold

  71. Natalie

    Whats the best city to work at in the USA?

  72. Mary

    I loved reading your blog, I’m interested myself in becoming a high class escort. I’m a college student & could really use the financial help. I just have no idea where to start? Am I suppose to go to a website and make a profile? If so what is a good one?

  73. A

    I am an escort visitor. Funnily enough I am muslim too (of Pakistani background) and I want to stop visiting escort because of that. I came across your blog searching for blogs on escort addiction. I often try to seek out escorts with a similar background to me, and I feel like asking them if they are muslim too, but I don’t because I am scared that they will judge me!
    I was just curious if you are a muslim? Also I find it interesting that you’re saying that islamic civilisations didn’t shun escorts. I was just wondering if by that you meant that you thought fornication/adultery were not forbidden in Islam, or just that islam recognised the context of escorts and understood their needs and function in society?
    You say that some clients are lovely and care about you. I would place myself in that category. I care about how the escorts feelings, am always nice and polite with them, often start feeling attached to them and I also pray for their health and wellbeing. However I still think that ultimately for men who use escorts, it is a selfish thing. Even though like I said I feel care and attachment towards these girls, I still want to try out new experiences such as visiting two of them at once and fantasise about them in certain ways just to fulfill my growing appetite. So even though I consider myself a nice guy, I’m ashamed that it seems that I see women as pieces of meat and I think that would probably be the case for a lot of us ‘nice’ escort visitors.

  74. Kevin Park

    This is a very interesting blog to read. Many sides of the same subject. It is true some men do visit these lovely ladies from a lack of intimacy at home. But occasionally that doesn’t come from a bad situation. In my case it is just one of life situations that one adapts to. My father died in 2000 and as a result of my mothers poor health I have become her care giver. It is certainly an honor for me to assume this role, but as you can imagine it leaves little time for any meaningful social life. So finding a woman willing to give me her time and tenderness if even for a short while makes all the difference. I am not deluded enough to think there is any deep emotional attachment between us, but I alway approach her as if there was. I treat her with the upmost kindness and respect. She is doing me a great service even if she is compensated for it. I certainly am appreciative of the attention and hope that spending time together is not unpleasant for her.

  75. addeff

    I read your posts and was amazed by your writing. Just want to say that you are intelligent and smart and a lot more than the kind of escort the media and society depicts. Most people don’t realize that escorts are ordinary people and can be smart, intelligent.

  76. John smith

    Hahahaha .. you had me laughing for so long (I have not laugh for couple of days). You are so funny. First of all, I am one of the Johns who you do not like, the kind of (without soul) 🙂
    As a fan, I have a question for you about weird demands like ((temporary marriage)), do you accept such thing?

  77. Jordan

    Wow. I am so happy to have found your site. I appreciate your words! Thank you for sharing.

    From one who understands,

  78. John Oakland

    I read most of the comments and looks like everyone has a story. So here is my story. Hated the idea but after two years without any, broke out into this world. As a drivers told me once we are human beings and need companionship. How true. So as one of the good guys, I fell into this site looking for answers to make sure I am not being duped. My first encounter was great. Saw her twice in four days. The second time we clicked very well. Either she is a very good actress or we really did click. To the point she was willing to stay beyond our time, but she had an appointment for her small business she is trying to start. For all you styptics, she told me this well ahead of time and tend to believe her. So we clicked to the point I found myself wanting to help her get out of the business, which she realizes she will have to do in a couple of years. Luckily she did not ask for money, which would have been a turn off. But access some of my network maybe. First is she making so much money now that she will never be satisfied with small business? It take a lot of hard work to make little money, not sure she realizes how much work. Second am I being a fool to help her…. have I been deprived so long that anything is great? Luckily she is 2000 away so cannot I can see her often, but I will in a few months. Any thoughts are great.

  79. I love Butts

    Your views on Olfactophilia are fasinating to me. I have enjoyed the scent of a woman (the butt) every since I was 12 years old and a beauty sat on my face during a wrestling match and she had no panties on I became addicted to a womans scent and pubic hair that day and at the age of 46 I still love a hairy bush and to enjoy a womans natural scent. If I could find a woman who was turned on by me worshipping her fanny, I would stay forever!

  80. Amazing and spot on! I am sure you don’t need a random reader to tell you this, but still.. I am so impressed with your outlook and strength. Best wishes.

  81. punterthoughts

    I look forward to following your interesting blog. I see escorts for a variety of reasons. I am not in a relationship and miss the company of ladies both at an emotional and a physical level. I also appreciate the variety offered by ladies of different ethnicities, backgrounds etc. I try to avoid seeing the same escort to regularly due to not wishing to become attached to them at an emotional level. The very best of luck to you.

  82. wm

    escortdiary, please contact us for cooperation via email.

  83. Godschild

    I’m proud of you! If you have the love of your life with you…then believe me….you are one of the happiest person..now start appreciating it!
    May God Bless You!

  84. Andrew

    I agree sex work’s not glamorous and never will be, the Lady I used to see is kind and beautiful but her Agency makes her pay the Tax and National Insurance and takes 50% of earnings, then makes her give six weeks notice of holidays, I should note she works of her own free will and chooses to work the 10 hours back to back clients. Happy?
    So UK EU law is about to change. By that I mean new Legislation (Mary Honeyball’s doing) will Decriminalise sex workers and Criminalise clients, some will say ‘hooray name and shame those filthy bastards’ but what will become of sex work in the UK.
    This proposed Law isn’t the reason I’ve stopped but in the future if I was raided in the above brothel, rather than a caution I’d probably get a Criminal record, sign the Sex Offenders Register, lose my Job, family and ultimately Prison though unlikely! Btw I chose to stop because I was tired of the sadness in this industry, client and worker.
    That’s me but what will be the outcome for sex workers without their wealthy, professional in-call clients who’ve too much to lose? My opinion is Street Prostitution (kerb crawling) will still exist simply because it’s illegal now.and goes on. But for the ‘girl’ who’s paying clients visit her flat one after another things are gonna change big time, those wealthy payers will have gone!
    Will she stop? Work in a supermarket for minimum wage (@£6/hour) rather than £200/hour? Take the risk of running a one room brothel? Or get onto the Streets? More learned men than I will have to answer that one.

  85. Paris

    Dear ED,
    I have a question I’d like to ask you, but wish to pursue the thought off a public forum. Is there a private email I can reach you at?
    Kindest Regards,

  86. daylonfaine

    Dear Sahar, I just read through your post and the comments. I see theres a few people displaying ignorance and I would like to chime in to say that your words resonate with deep feeling and theres a wave of compassion, gratitude and appreciation in your replies. The people who are negatively judging you can obviously not feel the beauty in your expression which says more about them than it does about you. You mentioned that your a woman who belongs nowhere in society, but as you probably already know deep down, everyone is trying to fit in to something they heard called society; but the truth is theres not and never has been anything to fit in other than your own heart. Albeit, theres plenty of others hearts you do fit into also, I can feel you in mine for one. The only true society is nature herself that brought and nurtured you into her world. You belong because nature gave you life and provides for you everyday. You belong because your heart beats over 100,000 times a day just so you can experience life. You belong because you will have touched many peoples hearts in your life and through this blog. Its Okay to be addicted to something, it just means that your a passionate person. If your addiction does not fill your soul with joy then turn the addiction into something that does. A great place to start would be to replace money for meaning and follow that. I’m not sure if you realise it yet but this blog site you have created is flooded with so much meaning and beauty. I’ve wrote this to you to show how your already sitting on your way out of escorting. Just look how much I engaged with your site and how much everyone else is blown away by you. Write your book Sahar and become addicted to feeling joy not what buys joy. Sorry to be hardcore on you, but its with sincere love as I believe you have a story that the world would love to hear.

    • escortdiary

      Thank you for such a beautiful comment. It warms my heart. I’m so sorry I didn’t reply earlier, as I didn’t see this comment

      Love Sahar

  87. Thanks for posting this really interesting article about escorts. It is a difficult industry and we as providers of male escorts in Sydney we understand way to well about the stigma some have

  88. Rema

    I found your blog from a comment you left on AB, I see you’ve been looking to find out whether if there is a future with your Saudi guy. I used to date a Saudi guy as well, things started to head south so I ended it and tried to come back and I wouldn’t let him. He loved my appearance as well since it is similar to a gulf girl (long thick black hair, tanned skin, big eyes, full lips, curvy, just not chesty like you – lol) I’m desi and I’m going to assume you are too based on the numerous Bollywood references and the Celina Jaitley banner at the top of the page. You write numerous times not to stereotype people but there is a reason why stereotypes exist. Arab men especially Gulf guys LOVE (I mean what guy doesn’t love beautiful girls? They just take it to a new level) LOVE LOVE beautiful women. If you’re a beautiful woman gulf guys will throw themselves at you, I’ve been to the Gulf and men will drool over gorgeous women. At my university, there are a lot of Saudis and I get a lot of attention from them but I don’t bother with them for a very good reason. Saudi men are affectionate and giving lovers but at the end of the day are going back to KSA whether you like it or not. Many see their time in the US as a fun vacation filled with drinking, partying, meeting new people, and all kinds of women that their parents will never get word of back home. This isn’t my opinion I’ve spoken to few of them and they’ve told me this. Gulf men are KNOWN to pay for sex and companionship as well. IMO many pay for sex for the deed itself and companionship and to also live out a fantasy that is ‘forbidden’ that’s what it seems like is going on with you and that guy. I HOPE he genuinely loves you and wants to bring you back to KSA with him but at the same time you seem to be consumed by material wealth and the adoration of men. Do you even love yourself because it’s clear you’re happy and you’ve based whatever happiness you have off of this man? If you’re not living a fulfilling life how could you be a good wife? Relationships should be complementary not supplementary. Would you still love this guy if he wasn’t rich? Regardless. I hope you find real happiness and leave this sh*t lifestyle behind and learn to really appreciate yourself.

    • Aphrodite

      Whatever her lifestyle is, who says the author doesn’t appreciate herself? There are enough people in this world who don’t fit in and still have a sense of self-appreciation.
      Anyway, I’ll leave that to Sahar. (Sorry for patronizing you, again :()

      • escortdiary

        Thank you for writing that dear. You are absolutely right. Don’t apologize for commenting! I embrace your participation on my blog. Kisses

    • escortdiary

      Hi Rema,
      What makes you think I don’t have any self-respect because I do this? I have control over my body and what I do. I conduct myself in a manner where I do not degrade myself, and thanks to God I am treated with elevated respect. Yet even if I didn’t have my blessed situation, what gives you the right to judge a prostitute and condemn her for her lifestyle? I wish people judged others by their heart and intentions, rather than their lifestyle and habits. As for Saudis, there are good and bad in all people. Their lifestyle habits is not the problem, so long it’s not hurting anyone. What is problematic is when one’s habits harm another person. I don’t think a man is terrible for paying for sex, so long he treats her with courtesy and respect (which many do). The terrible aspects is when someone gains their own pleasure at the expense of another persons happiness (through manipulation, dehumanization, lies, deceit). God knows the intentions of the heart, so eventually any person with false intentions will see their downfall.


  89. Khori

    “all men are pigs”??? interesting pharse from a person who sells their body for money. Just think about what you are doing and what you expect to attract. A descent man/person raised with good value, morals and fundamentals would not seek a prostitute. If you’re diggin in the trash for food, don’t expect to find a top quality kobe beef steak. just saying

    • escortdiary

      If you had read properly, I never said “all men are pigs.” I would never say that, because I’m well aware that there are good and bad in ALL people.

      And by the way, there are many clients whom are DECENT men with good values and morality. There also ones who are pathetic just like yourself.
      Thank you for letting everyone here know that you think prostitutes are TRASH. I applaud your ‘brilliance’, especially your amazing grammatical skills. Bravo.

  90. James

    Hi my name is James and I was hoping to get yours or any female escort help,opinion and help. I met an escort and the most beautiful girl I ever met about 5 months ago at least and I think I am or about to be in love with her and I know I have very strong feelings for her. I really want to be with her and I mean with her ONLY as far as girlfriend relationship maybe even wife. She is single has no kids has her own things and said she wants to become a dentist so I conclude she will stop escorting and she also is a stripper and may stop that as well but I dont really have a major issue with her doing those things. Yes I would not at all agree she keep doing it but that is if she decides she wants to stop cause I knew what she did and what I was getting into, but I do hope she does want to eventually because if we do end up together hypothetically we get married and have kids I know and even you all can think of the struggles that can happen even the fact of our children having a mom that does that even if they dont know. But I dont want to let that get in the way of having her in my life and hopefully winning her over. She is such a sweet beautiful lady to me and a good girl and thats why it dont so much bother me what she does I just want to be with her and her to want me too and thats what I really want to ask help with from you all. I want her but I worry about if she is just tricking or fooling me just to have me around for money? I wonder if she truly cares about me and likes me? She does seem to enjoy seeing me and really gets personal with me even after she said when we 1st met that she dont trust anyone outside her family and dont want to get too personal but yet she did. I guess cause she started liking me, she even want me to meet her family one day and I would like to. I know how I feel about her is real and whether you all believe this or not we only did anything sexually twice when we 1st met and when I went to see her the third time I told her all I wanted to do was talk and get to know her and for her to get to know me and ever since thats how its been and we have not had sex since then. I do not mind either because I rather focus on winning her and her falling in love with me so we can be together, I mean If she would want to have sex which she most likely wont cause she already do then I might but I dont think she will do that cause she want to really see if I want her which I do so I dont care if I dont as a matter of fact I DO NOT want sex anymore I want to make love I want something real and if anyone thinks theres no difference STOP being mistaken but I know even if it takes to marry her before I get to be physically intimate again at all then thats what I will do even though it will be tough but to prove to her I want her to be mine and me to be hers is all Im trying to do thats my intent but how do I know if she would want this all too and with me? how do I win her over or at least get her full honesty in telling me she dont want this and even telling me she is just using me to have me around for money? How can I tell what she says is true and what she really means and how can I know I am the only guy she does what she does when she is personal with me?

  91. Ulysses

    I dont know if this is appropriate to say but is it possible to meet you somehow?

  92. Hariaha

    Really interested in learning more about your story as far as how it came about. I have questions for as what it takes to be apart of the the higher end (miami) of work. Thanks

  93. alexanicole

    Thank you so much for blogging. I just started reading your “diaries” and will read them all. I am a single mother working as a dancer right now seriously looking to get into escorting. I am burnt out and my body aches after long shifts and dancing in my 7 inch heals..

    I have been looking for other jobs, school, but like you I have social axiety and depression that makes in unbearable at times.

    I am doing my research so I can make an “educated” decision and reading your diaries is helping me..I still have not decided. Part of me feels it may be less degrading than dancing in some ways (I work in a city with many clubs that are prodominently brothels).. You are a brilliant woman, keep your head held high and Keep writing please!

    • escortdiary

      Thank you so kindly. It’s very sad that those involved in this work have no adequate social security. The stigma against us only furthers popular attitudes of social neglect. Since this is the reality, I suggest to always save your money incase you ever need to take a break. It’s best you look for a longterm ‘backup’ plan. Switching to escorting isn’t a safety haven either, so think of other alternatives too. Best of luck.

  94. nice post and thanks to sharing escort experience in life, i accepted your word in your book and your question is right for every men.

  95. DavWil

    Having two young friends just give this industry a shot has made me value not only your statements but even some of the responders comments. As an atheist I shake my head at the more religious comments I am certain sex came along way before anybody envisioned someone they cannot see as a control device. Even though I am sure you aren’t trying to write a rule book for escorts, you are definitely giving insight on how to make their decision safely. I have always said all women are beautiful until they say something then the proof is made. From what I have read tonight you may be the most beautiful women I have ever experienced. I have spent 5 hours on this site and have never felt more educated in my life thank you so much:)

    • escortdiary

      It’s sad that some people misinterpret the essence of religion and make it into a complicated issue. I hope you do not judge all religions based on false stereotypes propagated by the media and others. In essence, it’s very simple — which is what I embrace.

      I really like that you see beauty in a persons’ mind and soul, not just the exterior. That is true beauty. Thank you for that comment.

  96. Veronique

    you should write a book! You are a very gifted writer. What incredible insight you give us into the world of the modern day sex trade. Although it is very different for the ones that are trafficked, the pain and the sense of ‘loss of soul’ is the same whether one ‘chooses’ to sell one’s body or didn’t ‘choose’. Praying you will find hope. Blessings

  97. Paris

    Dear ED,
    Deeply impressed is about all I can say at the moment.
    Many have commented on your ability to articulate (I wonder if you’re even aware of your own abilities) and provide perspective (context) and I have to say your blog features one of the most, to me, intriguing discussions I’ve come across in a while.
    I’m curious if you could comment more on the following topic, a topic which, as I travel around the globe and witness life, seems more and more to be poisoning society (and which your abilities appear to be addressing): loneliness and emotional wellbeing.
    You mention providing companionship to clients and your service becoming, sometimes, a vehicle for the client to address deeper emotional need.
    Through my lens, the emotional health of society is at an all time low (with loneliness and fear being at an all time high).
    Given that your services are able to influence the emotional health of your clients, even if that was not the original intention, could you comment on what you see regarding loneliness and other emotional needs in the people you are around and what potential trends you see for the emotional health of the communities you’re involved in going forward?

    • escortdiary

      Thank you so much for commenting. I feel blessed that you could understand the way I write.

      What I observe is that a lot of people (in West) are deeply lonely and unhappy (and these can be people who portray themselves as successful, beautiful, outgoing, etc). What does it mean when so many people are unhappy and don’t know how to relate to others anymore? It’s a clear indication that the our society (based on consumption and consumerism) is not adequate to provide people with the basic necessity of life: love, belonging.

      I could elaborate endlessly, but there is a nice quote that articulates this trend: “People are made to be loved, and things are made to be used. The problem with the world is that things are being loved, and people are being used.”

  98. I read your blog, It was nice and i had curiosity to know more about high-class escort and your blog gave me lot’s of knowledge about it. Thanks dear…

  99. Eva & Julie

    It is always hard to be is such delicate enviroment but I’m impressed of your courage and willingness to make things happen!
    Go girl!

  100. John

    I try 3 times to fall in love with a working woman. Every time it fail. The first 2 just in for the money. My last one does not want to be romantically involve. A few time I saw her , she will not take the money from me. But when I try to push it harder to be come more she are upset. Now she want me to be back as her client again instead a good friend. My point, it is not advices able to fall in love with a provider.

  101. olivia lily

    You are sharing your best information about women. It’s really amazing.

  102. eleen


    Really love reading your blog, extremely well written, obviously you are a highly educated, intelligent and beautiful person inside out.

    Just regarding your blog entries on love…maybe it would be easier to date someone rather than your clients? The reason I’m suggesting this is because I also worked briefly in the industry, travelled around the world quite a bit with my clients, but I don’t believe in men who regularly see escorts…

    Looks like I’m slightly older than you, currently in my late 20s…from my experience, falling in love is only a hormonal reaction, an urge to reproduce…not sure if true love really exists, if so, I think it will be based on trust, friendship and commitment, of course, sexually compatibility.

    Marriage is not always necessarily the key to happiness, that’s why over 50 percent of them end up divorcing. You probably won’t believe this, I had my happiest years while working in the industry, still had hopes and dreams, but now a so called normal life depresses me, and made me hopeless.

    Hope you will find your true happiness one day.

    Love and light


    • escortdiary

      @Eleen, Thank you for sharing that. I can’t be with a man who doesn’t know about my life. It would feel too isolating. All of my serious lovers have been clients — it’s a really nice feeling when somebody understands my experiences and secrets. Not all clients are in the ‘habit’ of seeing various prostitutes. Many clients are driven to see women out of companionship, rather than just physical sex alone. One should be careful to generalize all clients in one stereotype. I disagree with your biological notion that ‘falling in love is hormonal.’ Attraction is a multitude of things (biological, cultural, and mystical). The sole purpose of sex is not solely for reproduction only (we are lead to believe this by popular discourses, but this idea is heavily critiqued). Sex is also for pleasure too. I do believe in true love (in a mystical sense) because I have felt it. Anyway, Kind Regards Sahar

  103. example of Experts writing.
    Nice Blog

  104. KI

    The world revolves around money and the vagina – simple as that, more so the money than vagina because money can buy vagina out any time of the day. Now some may find this funny or vulgar but this is the reality, and the bigger reality is that we all are going to die sooner or later and that trumps everything else.

    Our exotic escort lady is a fine writer who by now must have realized that Arab and especially the Muslim Arab man of Gulf states, including Saudi is a piece of garbage of the filthiest kind – no morals, sexually frustrated, trapped in a society built on barbarian traditions. I wouldn’t believe it if I had not seen it with my own eyes. The Saudi man is a very special breed for his only goal in life is to have sex with as many women and men as possible and he is willing to spend any amounts of money for it. Please don’t think I am jealous of them, I probably have money than most of these scum bags, the difference is that I made my money with my own hands and it just didn’t jump out of the ground for me.

    For me, the exotic escort and her sisters are more respectable because they make their own money – selling ones body is not that easy as it requires special skills same as highly paid athletes who make use of their bodies to earn money.

    For you dear exotic escort, my analysis of your situation is that you are missing the company of your real sisters and mother – a man will seldom be able to give a woman what she gets from other women, especially the ones that are close to her, so please go see you mother and sisters, you will feel better.

    The reality is that a man lives to spread his seed far and wide and a women lives to raise her children and make a home and a family which may not necessarily include a man.

    • escortdiary

      Sorry, I don’t agree with what you wrote. I don’t think Arab men are ‘a piece of garbage.’ Actually, I find people with your mentality disheartening. Saying an entire people are ‘bad’ due to coincidences is a fallacious (incorrect) form of reasoning. I know there are stereotypes of Arab men being terrible beings. Yet despite this popular belief, the vast majority of Arab/Muslim men I’ve encountered treated me with elevated respect….often like a Goddess.

      • KI

        I see that you are beating me up on stereotyping the Arabs and Muslims. That logic is used often to prove others wrong – the fact is that different nations do exhibit common traits on the whole, Japanese are intelligent and hardworking, Americans are inventive and like to wage wars and Germans are great at engineering.

        See when you interact with these scum bags, you are in a position of control – probably because you are very good looking with a face and body that these men would kill to see in real life (most of their women have to wear the veil). Also, you are not dependent on these men for a few more dollars, they can take it or leave it, right ! my guess is that they are usually vying for your attention.

        Now compare your position to a not so good looking house maid or an ordinary laborer working somewhere in these Gulf States. From what I have been told by close acquaintances is that these women are forced into having sex with fathers and sons and then beaten by the unhappy women in the same house-hold. You have probably heard of the Kafeel system. This system allows these brutes to exploit the labors of poor expatriates from other countries.

        Look here Lady, just because these Arabs come to you and wag their tales and cry on your shoulder (BTW real men don’t cry) so that they can have sex with you DOES NOT make them good people.

      • escortdiary

        You’re response only proves you’re stupidity further, as you’re mentality is very typical of one who’s education comes from the ideas propagated by the media. You clearly have no understanding of how socio-political power influences the construction of gender roles, identity, stereotypes etc. Very saddening.

  105. Jessy Elite

    Well and fitted answer to Raf!
    he should realize that the very men who pretend to fear God, make trips to other women for sex. They feel privileged to marry 4 and more women and yet call themselves sane.
    And by the way, I do not prefer to call an Escort a Prostitute. There is a great difference. God bless!

  106. oh good to see your not hiding you true self in fear of getting shunned from the society.
    I respect your courageous attitude to embrace the world and yes I also agree that islamic civilizations had prostitution like the kings had their harems where they had their courtesans and concubines.
    But lastly I hope your against the illegal sex trade that forces women into prostitution

  107. I can’t believe you are a prostitute.
    Your are an intellectual, and you write so well.
    I am reading on to understand why did you do this..

  108. Some countries do not embrace the idea of escort for hire, but there are some that are open to it. I think it is just a matter of perspective or if it is legal.

  109. Hari

    Yes exploitation is there in this industry as it is present in all industry.
    You will have to grow professionally and mentally to be in a position to accept only what you need. But in this industry unlike all other, the value diminishes with time or experience which is really the compromising factor.
    How ever if you keep this in mind and take care of your body and your mind then this period can be extended and you can exit without much damage. Spend your time wisely is the key factor.

    • escortdiary

      You are trying to compare two things, which seem similar, but in actuality the dynamics are quite different. Prostitution is not comparable to an ordinary ‘normal’ job. Likewise, the systematic exploitation of sex workers is a different dynamic compared to the exploitation that occurs in ‘normal’ jobs, generally.

  110. Hari

    Every job has a dignity. A vital role in the balance of society. The only point is if you are passionate about the job you do. Are you enjoying it. As in all kinds of jobs there are good day and bad day , good customer and bad customer , u will have to realize this fact. So spread love through what ever methods you are gifted with. That is the role of all humans. Live it to the fullest.

    • escortdiary

      Thank you for sharing that. Ideally, one would hope there is joy in their work. In the current global order, sadly, many people do not have the luxury of enjoying the work they do (I am not talking about myself, because I feel very thankful that I am in a position where I can ‘choose’ good, relatively enjoyable clients). But in reality, many escorts simply do not have that luxury — they are pushed into this work for a variety of reasons, not out of their own personal desire for sex/companionship/entertaining.

  111. Rachael

    What does your family (mother, father, siblings, relatives) think you do for a living? I need some advice on that as my mother is extremely, extremely nosey and it would break her heart to know what I’m doing, but I don’t know where to tell her my money comes from and how I’m able to pay my rent and stuff. Any advice?

  112. Jeano

    You are truly an inspiration for ladies out there! God bless your heart!!

    Stay safe!

  113. Dear Escort Diary,

    I have worked with a number of Muslim escorts and I have found them to be thoughtful and caring people who however have often internalised the stigma that others have imposed on them. Stigma impacts on all escorts and sex workers as it challenges societal norms regarding “good” women, but my little experience of Muslim sex workers is that their burden is heavier than most..

    I have also struggled with the balance between my work and having a lover, and found it to be a most difficult set of circumstances.

    The nuances and complexity of sex work requires that we engage with lovers who can appreciate us more than they want to possess us. We are not property and it is of little value to exchange our commercialisation with many men for the hegemony of a single man.

    I wish you well.


  114. Hi, here I am again.
    I see you genuinely believe in Islam.
    I have a question, not directly about prostitution, but rather about your point of view on religion.
    Aren’t you afraid of being condemned by Allah, in the hereafter, for the profession you do (or did?), or do you see Allah as a merciful god?
    Forgive me for my ignorance, but I am interested in your view on Islam, and how you possibly can ‘combine’ two opposite ways of life.
    I approach religion is a more philosophical way, not in a dogmatic way.
    I’m interested in religion though, in an intellectual way, but I do not believe.
    I personally would not be able to combine my ‘work’ , if I also believed in a religion, such as Islam or Christianity.

    • You can always send me an e-mail, sayurithatsme@gmail.com.
      I don’t want to intrude myself upon you, I’m just very interested in your standpoints.
      I must must confess, even as a non-white Western-European citizen in small-narrow-minded country, I have huge prejudices towards ‘people like you’. (people believing is Islam, that is)
      I So…if you ever feel like it….
      And if I’m starting being annoying, you can say it too, but hopefull I’m not 😦
      (B.T.W; Sayuri is not my real name, but you can adress me by this name)

    • escortdiary

      Thank you for sharing your insights as always.

      For me, religion is not a fatalism. A person can live their life and believe in God (in their own way). Islam is not against love or against one’s sexuality. Unfortunately, many people judge Islam by certain hadiths or strict interpretations/understandings (fiqh) of the Sharia. Some interpretations have become more strict/warped in current Modern contexts, as a way to deter the influence of the West (and, unfortunately, for political motives). And sadly, Islam and other traditions have been demonized by the Western media, also, to maintain the hegemony of Western-NeoLiberal ideals. It’s up to the individual to understand the essence and do what is right for others and themselves.

      For me, the essence of Islam is about how one thinks, how they treat others and their surroundings, and showing gratitude to God. I once read a blogger who said, “I reconcile my religion with me being a human being, not my sexuality or lust in my bedroom.”

      I do not fear condemnation from the religion. I try my best to treat others justly. It is the intention, not the action. And this is the essence of Islam, how one treat others and deals with the world around them. There is so much spirituality in life. Love, for instance, is the the most beautiful manifestation of God. A lot of Sufi Muslims practice their devotion through the essence of love.

      Hope that answered your question

      Take care.

  115. Alan McThredder

    have just fallen in love with you. Okay that’s a bit strong – but what a lovely heart you have. Like so many others here I enjoy the way you communicate the most sensitive and complex issues without being dogmatic or judgmental. But can I ask everyone to look at things from a more ‘natural’ angle? Men are not pigs – women are not whores. We all are here primarily to reproduce. That is the driving force behind everything that lives: To do that we must have sex. Nature has evolved so as not to put all its eggs in one basket. Sex is linked to love and affection but also to violence and war. Sex can be fun, cruel, cold, passionate and lusty or full of tenderness. That is not a choice humans make – it is nature’s way of ensuring procreation. We have to all mange the powerful sexual needs within us to the best of our ability. Most of us hope for love and sexual fulfilment with one person who is a ‘soul mate’. (In that I have been lucky. My sexy, fun loving wife for 28 years is still my best friend and our 2 daughters are a constant joy.) You only have to understand the different (but overlapping – so no clear lines here) needs of males and females to see why there are conflicts. We both need love so there is nothing to argue about there but on top of that? Women need security more than men because they produce the young and will be vulnerable for a long period of time. Men need sex because nature needs them to. If they don’t get regular sex (according to the individual sex drive) they will go insane. Too strong a word? Read any religious writing by celibate priests to see what madness ensues or study the constant sexual attacks throughout history on young children by celibate monks etc, etc.
    It is all down to how we handle those needs in the best way our individual upbringing and cultures allow. Escorting/prostitution/marriage for wealth, are all attempts to supply the female need for security with the male need for regular sex. They all fall short because they are not the product of love which is the common bond that each uses to trust the other. Looking for a constant and sure love is impossible in those situations because you have subscribed to a world of pretence and lying. Love can happen but how can you tell when you are paying someone to pretend to care for you? Where does the act stop and the truth begin?
    You talk of sex workers as being marginalised but don’t you see what a threat you are to many married women who are afraid their husbands/partners are not being sexually satisfied by them. Many married women believe rightly or wrongly that their husband will desert them if they stop providing sex and in many relationships that is all there is. Every relationship goes through difficult patches. How easy to find solace and sexual pleasures with willing women for money rather than fight to patch up the relationship? Rational or not that is why men secretly like prostitution and women hate it. It allows men to have sex without the preliminaries of wooing and restaurants and sweet talking. This is not the only reason sex workers are marginalised. There are men who are terrified about being with experienced women because they can compare them physically and emotionally (see men’s fascination and worship of virgins throughout history to explore that frailty of men’s egos). There are men married to women who have naturally lost their drive for sex after reaching a certain age. Nature intends men to be able to fertilize women long after the age where a women stops being able to conceive.
    Anyway – I must stop because this is 10 times longer than I intended and I still haven’t said everything I wanted to. Your point about capitalism’s low salaries that drive women towards the sex industry is so true……
    Women will always sell sex to men. Men will always buy sex from women. Nature is the driver – all we can do is learn to respect the needs of each other and be kind to one another. Love and best wishes to you.

    • escortdiary

      Thank you for sharing that. Sorry it took me so long to reply.

      I disagree with you on some points about sexual desires being all ‘natural,’ or biological. A lot of sexual habits/lifestyles/practices are not biological despite popular belief, but rather are socially constructed. It is only in recent modern history that sexuality has been categorized and classified so obsessively (by pseudo-sciences, medical and legal professionals), which has given rise to narratives of certain sexual habits being ‘natural.’ If you want to understand sexuality, I highly suggest reading Foucault’s “A History of Sexuality.”

      It is the conditions of a particular society that creates people needing to sell themselves to other individuals (which wasn’t always a bad thing historically– only in current modern society prostitution has become so degraded). It’s not only women who’ve sold themselves, but also men were highly valuable in certain societies. But one must remember that there are vastly diverse ways of organizing society, where many did not have the conditions/concepts for the monetary sale of sex. A lot of foraging societies were very much collectivist, where there was simple no need (demand) for placing monetary value on sexual labor.

      You say that ‘men need sex’ because it’s their nature. Well, what about women? It’s not ‘biological’ that men are more hornier than women. It’s also not ‘biological’ that women need security from men. What you mention is social conditioning of a particular society (one that dominates the world now, sadly). I, myself, as a woman can exceed my men in terms of sexual desire (because I am very aware of my body and it’s sexual capabilities). Yet most women are not aware of their sexual desires in modern societies. Why is it? It’s NOT biological, but rather it’s because modern (Western) society undervalues/under-acknowledges female sexuality. Think about it. Think about what we learn about sex — we grow up with this image and idea that dominant men penetrate submissive women. We also grow up with this narrative that our sexuality has a prime function: reproduction — this is not a fact; it is a narrative (a very political one). Women are ONLY submissive because this is how our society is organized — a modern capitalist society is organized around male domination. I must emphasize that there have been other societies where female sexuality was embraced, and female pleasure was primary — societies that were vastly organized differently, where sexuality wasn’t just seen as a purpose of reproduction, and women were not just mandated to be in mothers/nuture roles

      Exotic Escort Diary

      • Adi

        I’ll have to disagree with you on this point,sahar.”it’s NOT biological”.While you may be right about society/political influences,please remember we are biological entities first,and social entities next.I have more testosterone in my veins than you.I can’t help my desire to dominate.I may not appear dominant in my behavior,but that’s for social/political reasons.The male need to dominate exists all over the world,not just in humans but all mammalian species.
        Alan rightly points out that females need security from males when she is pregnant,or is raising a vulnerable offspring in species that live in social settings.Think lions,chimpanzees,gorilla,and many others.I’ll be quick to admit exceptions like the elephants,but the male elephant is SO dominant that he is just kicked out of the herd!lol
        When I was younger i appreciated,acknowledged the dominance of a senior colleague at work as that gave us security and a sense of direction.

        Bottom line: males are more comfortable being dominant.and not to be viewed as an evil trait.

      • I’m a man who has enjoyed prostitutes for decades. Sometimes very often somtimes seldom.
        I’m married 30 years and my wife is lovely physically, emotionally and very intelligent. We have 4 grown children all have degrees or advanced degrees from some of the finest schools in the USA . Including Harvard Business School for my self.
        I am not wealthy but I enjoy many of the perks from substantial income and disposable income.
        I love prostitutes of all sizes shapes and colors. I use primarily high end ladies which I find on the Internet, or by referral. Most high end prostitutes are rated by the men who see them and the ratings are posted on the Internet in several services who collect and resell the information.
        My tastes vary from time to time, but mostly I want the GFE experience. I enjoy every bit of kissing, fondling, hugging, oral sex, 69, or just eating or being eaten. I have experienced anal sex a few times both giving and receiving. I found it quite interesting and fun.
        I’m in love with my wife although we have very little sex together. We seemed to have fantastic sex for 10 or15 years then it became almost scripted and routine which neither enjoyed.
        When I’m with a Prostitute it’s fun to talk and get to know each other as people not as the John and the whore. I’ve honestly enjoyed my ‘sessions’ more from touching, kissing and talking than the final fuck and cum. Although it gives me great pleasure to make my date cum and be genuinely satisfied.
        That’s my brief summary of pay for play. Seems to me to be a wonderful business / hobby.

  116. anescortgirl

    I love being an escort. I dont care what anyone thinks. Its like having a wealthy husband and not having to live with him, and you can do this til old age if you save money for cosmetic procedures the way other wealthy women do. We are wealthy and carefree, lots of free time and many of my clients have been cute. I have always loved sex, too. Paul is right, most men are pigs. I didnt come to that conclusion via escorting, but rather from dating. If you think otherwise you are naive. I love men, for fun, but I dont take them too seriously. Also too many women join escorting who dont belong in it. If you are going to be overly emotional, falling in “love”, hating your clients and yourself, and overall brain washed by societys standards of what is “proper”, then change jobs. You are doing your clients a disservice by providing crappy experiences. Just saying!

    • escortdiary

      Thank you for sharing that. However, our mentalities are differing.

      If this job helps you to supplement your values in life, then surely it can be good.

      I never stated in my blog that I hate clients. Clients are not the problem. My blog is showcasing the implications of being an escort in a society that is hostile to women with ‘deviant’ lifestyles.

      I am a very sexual person, and I do enjoy most clients, which makes this job sound ideal. However, this does not change the fact that we face social stigma. Money cannot compensate for the social condemnation of society, which influences our relationships outside of work. For myself and others, wealth and beauty are not the only ways to live a satisfying life. One can have money and abundance, yet their values are more simplistic: love, spirituality and family.

      It’s very easy to say women who are ‘overly emotional’ should not be escorts. That view totally ignores the reality of WHY women are resorting to sex work. Many women who entered the sex industry were not aware of the implications of their involvement, therefore it’s invalid to argue that women in this industry made the ‘choice’ to do this. Furthermore, once a woman has sold her body, it’s not so easy to transition into another job. I find what you said highly arrogant and also ignorant of the realities of sex workers other than yourself.

      Finally, your statement of ‘all men are pigs’ shows your experiences have been quite narrow. There is no universal behavior for men or women.

  117. Hi, I just discovered you blog. I’m not a high-end prostitute, though. I’m just, a prostitute, who’s writing a blog. I notice from your ‘about’-page that you have different feelings towards the profession, than I have. Maybe it’s because you’re more experienced? Maybe it’s because we life in different countries? (I have a Sout-East-Asian roots, but I live in Western-Europe).
    Maybe because we engage in prostitution for different reasons? Anyway, I ask too much question. I should read some of your blog first 😉

  118. escortdiary

    I understand what you are trying to say: that undervalued professions and workers are, in fact, very valuable in society (despite mainstream ideas). Yes, I agree. In capitalistic societies, it is the reality that the hardest working people are, unfortunately, paid less and received less social status. This is why capitalism as a model is hardly humane or equal.

    However, I have to disagree on your point of persons marginalizing themselves. (1) Prostitutes do not marginalize themselves, and (2) the marginalization of prostitutes is in no comparison to that of a sewage worker or plumber. Sure, those professions are under valued and carry the stigma of being working class in some contexts. Yet, unlike prostitutes, they are not condemned or silenced from society, and most importantly they are not criminalized. There is a big difference if a child told his teacher, “My Mom’s a prostitute,” rather than saying, “My Dad’s a plumber.” It simply cannot be compared on the same level.

    But you are right in that prostitutes are an important part of society (despite government measures to condemn and silence us). A client once said how thankful he was for me, as an escort, because if I didn’t exist he would have no outlet for companionship and intimate care. Further, prostitutes become more ‘needed’ when societies become increasingly individualistic. People no longer have security with their relationships or families, which results in further isolation. In this way, prostitutes are an outlet for some.

  119. Robert

    I would like to discuss a couple of your points that you have made. “the public society will condemn us, so we are forced to isolate ourselves”. Very often, I think, it is the person or that particular group of persons, who marginalize themselves. How often have we heard of people using sweage workers, plumbers, or other similar types of workers being used as examples of “derogatory” professions? Yet they are a very important part of the society. They contribute to the society same as any other profession (in fact their work is much much harder and in worse conditions than many other jobs). Without their contribution, society would be in such terrible, unlivable conditions that it may not be able to survive. And yet, their professions are often being viewed as valueless, dirty and worthless. Human sexuality is a normal trait, just like in any animal species. The society tries to pretend that humans are more “civilized” and tries, unsuccessfully, to cover and mask this uncontrollable and inherant trait. This leads to people trying to seek outlets to satisfy this trait secretly (both males and females). Society is made of hypocritic persons. I think, everyone should stand up, feel proud of what each person can contribute to the society and remove that hypocritic mask. Fight for each own’s rights and status and not let others run all over them. Like you said, escorts fill the void in this “cold” society. Escorts help those who might otherwise not be able to function as well if they have not been given this venue to restore their “normalcy in the human traits”. They help to restore the balance in the normal physiological functions of humans. Every person (except criminals) should deserve a place and a status in this world. It is time that everyone should stand together and be recognized for what each has to offer-there is no worthless profession.

  120. I have been in the escorting world for the last five years and it is not a profession I would recommend to anyone. Although I have met lovely people along my journey and the fast money has assisted in fulfilling financial goals, the emotional toll of this profession is immensely high and albeit, very difficult to put into words. Let’s start from the beginning…. I was born into a single-parent family, my mother was loving and did the best she could but a succession of health and other social problems meant my childhood was far from normal. I was diagnosed with crohn’s disease at age 7 and by 12 had to undergo a full colectomy. My father, in the short involvement he had in my life was emotionally abusive and due to my health I always felt extremely socially isolated in childhood. Flash forward a few years my life was looking brighter… I met some beautiful (who I strongly affirm) will be lifelong friends in my high school years, I graduated high school with high grades and got accepted into a health course in a leading Australian university. I also met my (who I believed) was my soul mate at the time at age 17 and we were married soon after. My health improved dramatically and I was fortunate enough to have had my colectomy reversed. Life, I believed, was finally going to turn out how I always dreamed and happiness had never been more abundant. However, by age 23 my ex and I ended our marriage as he decided to convert back to Hinduism. Although I loved him and followed him on the transformation (which led me to leave Christianity and make the conversion to Hinduism), the lifestyle readjustments proved inextricably difficult; I couldn’t keep up and at the end of the day, he chose religion over our marriage and ended our union. Concentrating on my studies became all too difficult and I failed out of my health course just 6 months short of completion…. All my life I had aspired to be a wife and work in the health industry so failing so miserably at 2 major life ambitions before age 25 was devastating. I still can’t identify how or why, but a short time later I ended up dabbling in the escorting industry. At first I was elated as it seemed that this was the first thing in my life where I actually attained success-clients seemed to enjoy my company (despite what some people still believe, there is much more to escorting than mere sex), I got a great flow of regulars, travelled around Australia on tours and for the first time, actually felt like what I was doing was making a difference in people’s lives. I developed a holistic bond with many of my clients, many of whom had endured health conditions and marriage break – ups themselves. Not surprisingly, I found I connected better with clients at least decade older than me. It was all rosy at first and escorting facilitated a few international trips and the purchase of a small little run down but homely villa I now call home. However, five years later I want more than anything to leave the industry, I’m completely warn out, feel used and abused, watched my friends get married, have babies, fulfil career aspirations whilst vicariously wishing that was me. I have not had a partner in over 5 years, I guess I just want to protect people I love from this world- it would not be fair to drag a partner into it. However, depression issues, feeling completely directionless with my life, not to mention an incomplete education, has left me feeling that there is no way forward. I feel so truly blessed that I have a supportive small group of family and friends, however, guilt attributed to what I was doing, coupled with feeling like this mess is all my fault, made it really hard to open up to them, despite wanting to more than anything in the entire world. I have no idea what the future holds or how I will get out of the rut I’m in now….I dream of being happy, one day married with children and in a fulfilling career….right now I feel like I’m at the end of road and I don’t know how to cultivate the energy or even where to start in fulfilling other endeavours- I guess I just feel like everything has been taken from me and I have nothing left to give. Although escorting may seem like a quick fix, or even like a glamorous alternative to the norm I urge anyone who is considering this profession to please, please seek an alternative path. Escorting causes inextricable damage and your life will never be the same again-trust me I know xx

    • escortdiary

      Thank you for sharing your story. It really breaks my heart, because your feelings of hopelessness are very familiar to me. Through all these years, I keep trying to wonder why this lifestyle has negative implications. How can it be? Clients are often great to us (as you mentioned). The problem is not the clients, nor the fact we are having sex without love. What is problematic is that we have no place for us in society. The stigma affects us. The fact we ‘disrupt’ gender norms causes us to be marginalized.

      We know that the public society will condemn us, so we are forced to isolate ourselves. Sure, we may find decent people who do not judge us, but it still doesn’t change the fact that society has given us no significance. I know some ‘extreme’ escorts who are very open about their lifestyles and mingle with others who have ‘alternative’ lifestyles. Yet personally, I never wanted to ‘come out’ and publicize that I am prostitute. Why do I need to the tell world about my sexual habits? I, like yourself, desired a ‘normal’ life with ‘normal’ people — but I was in denial. The reason I wanted normalcy was because it was a form of security — we all want to belong to a group, we fear of being an outsider. Yet being a prostitute is anything but ‘normal’– I had to come to terms with this reality. Norms are constructed, and norms change. Most importantly: being non-normative isn’t a bad thing at all. In fact, I embrace it now. Now, I accept that my life is ‘queered’ from the norm. As an academic, I am very critical of current ‘Modern’ norms. I am trying to stop looking for ‘straight’ lines in life — it just simply cannot work. Yes, we can still marry or be in a committed relationship, yet we must be with a partner who understands and accepts our complex lifestyles.

      I really like how you mentioned your ‘holistic’ bond with clients. I truly understand this too. I empathize with lots of clients, because many are truly genuine in their respect and politeness. Many clients have their own hardships as well. Given that the world is increasingly becoming individualistic, a lot of men face difficult conditions to meet and connect with women. Many clients are grateful to prostitutes for being there to care for them in a relatively increasingly ‘cold’ society.

      Education can always be a ‘backup’ for us, so I do hope you finish your studies when you are able too. Please stay in touch. I hope this blog can be an outlet for yourself and share more of your thoughts.
      Kind Regards and Blessings.

  121. Hi there.

    I have a gf and have been philandering in the WDC area with escorts and fell in love with one that later went insane on me and hysterical. Through your blog..I realized she overworked and framed herself as a victim (I did already know that)

    I have now acquaintances with a number of pros. I have a number of women that are essentially part of my private network of lovers…from lawyers from Ivy league schools to strippers that never had a chance in our society. The odyssey is difficult to describe. I have used it to learn about myself and others. I was always fascinated and raised in a strict catholic family that interfered with a normal sex life and relating to women and thus had me awkwardly repressed during important late teenage years.

    Later I had lovers and vowed never to get married because my mother did not want me. I never did married. I enjoy my solitude and I now think my best friends are stuffed animals.

    I have been a successful Electronics Engineer BSEE with Honors and minor in Computer Science) with a specialization in RF Engineering and Telecommunications. My home has thousands of books and more than a thousand compact discs of music, etc… I am also self educated way beyond University and when I go to the doctor I usually know the details of my diagnosis beyond anything they can piece together.

    Sometimes they are afraid of me and send me away. I do not watch Television. I get my news from talking to people and the Internet.

    I often receive highly prejudice treatment particularly from clerks for facial hair. I have acquired a lengthy beard over the years. I used to keep it esquire short…but eventually grew it longer to my liking. Most immediately assume it is religious. I have been grabbed (clutching my arm in a steely grip) in grocery stores by older men claiming I look like the Rabbi, given deathly stares from clean shaven men on public transportation as if I am about to blow the vehicle up or some such non-sense. I have had women give me the cold shoulder and also practically throw them selves at me of all ages (usually after sexual excapades…one women I trust with near psychic intuition told me this was pheromones…who knows…but, we are talking prototypical so-called good looking women dropping their jaw and fawning in a way that can be explained only by some sort of energy transfer. You know when you pass two blondes that falter for words…you are balding, skinny and wearing a beard and basically just reasonably physically attractive, but they know nothing about you…their conversation halts in a faltering stutter and they just gawk as you walk by…after you have been interlocked in a three hour embrace that something IS going on.). I know the work is painful for you…perhaps try framing it differently and realize that maybe you are also a healer/energy worker. I can tell you as a man…that women practically trip over themselves when I have seen someone that has resonated with me. It is uncanny. It is like a movie. They (what you refer to as “normal” i.e., “Normative” women) start to nearly trip over their own feet, blush, fall over, spill their coffee, etc… I am an applied scientist (engineer by training and profession) and contend our science is primitive. There is no doubt because of the anomalous nature of the experience, many only get glimpses of this via successful lovemaking with their spouse over the weekend. But, if that has withered… well then the energy must be created elsewhere…and some are what I call “naturals.” The Naturals acually limit the number of clients they see and totally focus on a low vol clientele. It is only something one can relate to, if they have experienced it.

    I am characterized by my gf as an “original.” I would say this is true. I do something that is characterized as verbotten in this world…I think for myself. I have extremely strong principles and adhere to the code of honor. Academically, I was bound by the Honor Code in my University.
    That is a bit about me.

    Your blog is outstanding and has helped me deal with a variety of feelings I have and understand the industry I am tangoing with.

    I have also provided your blog link to other high class escorts such as yourself and recommended it as (even if familiar) a valuable resource to read. I think you have done a great service “coming out of the closet enough as an educated and thoughtful soul to share your inner conflicts from the weaknesses to your attempts to come to some sort of balance based on your experiences. What I find extremely valuable is the reflection, the introspection and the willingness to embrace your own self that,while multifaceted found an insidious weakness that this career in our hypocritical cultural context created for you…an isolation. Does this mean you were wrong. Does this mean your choices were bad? Does this mean the culture imposes an undue burden on you as a person? I do not think there is a right answer. I think sometimes in life there are only questions and it is important for us to be at peace with the uncertainty of such questions.

    Yes. I think I pretty much read your entire blog. It took me days.

    Great Love, Hugs, and Kisses,


    Matthew John Hammett
    Reston, VA

    Let your soul roam free… and, while it does…do be practical and begin a savings plan that is synchronized with the real world and begin to invest for your future and retirement. You are basically self employed and good at what you do.. You should shove your money into the bank and plan to invest it in a portfolio. Do not become fatalistic and completely foolishly live in the moment entirely.

    PS — and yes, if you find it healing..then: Blessings, Alhamdulillah, etc…

    Care for yourself and do not fall into self pity nor the guilt that repressed men heap on you or jealous women for that matter.

    Your blog was not lost on me. ~ 😉 ❤

    • escortdiary


      Thank you so much for sharing that. It seems you have quite an interesting life — I enjoyed reading it. Sorry it took me so long to reply.

      Kind regards,
      Exotic Escort Diary

  122. Yang Anonymous

    Dear Exotic Diary,
    Came across your diary today, it’s really been so informative and gives the opportunity for each human being to apprehend the wealth of desires that we seek and live within in this life. It’s also to learn and know that we have everything today an abundance of comfort; we have been showered by gadgets with the growth of science and technology, we have Facebook, internet, enough credit cards to borrow as much from banks, foodies like McDonald’s, Pizza Huts and to add to the flavours mouth watering Krispy Kreme donuts, uncountable movies television programmes and channels video games and what not. Still we are not happy… We had a simple life 30 years ago and were contented with whatever food was served by our granny, simple steamed rice poured with dal accompanied by fresh fried potatoes, fish was forced in our diets and mouths perhaps once or twice a month and we just hated that. We would walk to school and in my later years would ride a bicycle to school. Now things have changed and the new generation has skipped the hardships that life would teach us. Everything is so reachable. Even an escort in any part of the world ! I admire the writer for the blog she has created ! It gives an insight to the character of the the kama sutra as a person. Its not about money but the desires of an unsatiated thirst that each one has in today’s life. So it’s not only that each man yearns for touch but that warmth and shelter and energy that helped him grow from the day he and his hunger was fulfilled when he sucked from nectar from his mothers breasts.
    The writer has a wonderful flair of an art of writing and gives us an understanding of the vacuum each one of us may be going through or is going through at some point in our life and lifestyle.
    Bloggers would also be delighted to view more on Osho discourses.
    The hindi movie devdas is also realistic story and has depicted the pain of joy and pain of sorrowand why men mostly fall in love in the arms of an escort. A man always owes to an escort as he owes to his wife. In this situation the Sheik too has tried always to pay dues. Whatever he paid is only a fraction compared to what he got back. An immeasurable wealth of love attention warmth protection shelter that Allah may have wanted he deserved fom our beloving escort.
    A Taj Mahal should be built, and am sure that would what Sheik could have never afforded !!
    Lots of love

    • charles

      its funny how you say 30 years ago we were content. 30 years ago was the first time i visited a prostitute, let’s call it a window girl (if you know where I mean). I did a handful of time as I was a teen. I have recently been back in it, had a few different ones, but this one just sticks out to me and I can’t seem to get let it go. As many as she sees per night, day, week, year, I saw her once and came back several months later, she remembered me..I can’t get her out of my mind.Reading these comments/blogs, has only opened my eyes…but I still wonder why she was able to recognize me several months later after a short, less than 30 minute encounter.

  123. AAL

    Your blog is an enthralling read. Only other exposure is through TV (Secret Diaries of a Call Girl).

    1) How did you decide to do escorting instead of adult films? Is escorting better paying? More discreet?

    2) I know it’s notoriously difficult for men to break into the adult industry. The life style seems like a great way to earn some extra cash. Is there anyway for a heterosexual man to break into the industry servicing only women? Servicing gay men as well (gay-for-pay)?

    3) I was wondering how your relationship and desire to leave the industry has changed by the Sheik’s graduation and return to the kingdom. When he’s gone is it harder to justify leaving the industry, are you more comfortable with clients, take more clients? You’ve reflected a lot on the ex-fiancé, do you think it’s a mistake to date a former client again? Any fear that you’ll break yet another heart if the allure of the money and independence outweigh the Sheik’s love (vulnerability)? Is it easier / less competition to be in a university city, or is it more difficult because clients are scarcer and it doesn’t have quite the same anonymity as a big city like London?

  124. J_A

    This was an interesting read and blog, although I have not read all of it, there were several areas of interest…

    I think Eastern region for one thing is especially strict regarding sex. My understanding is that many men from this part of the world, however, especially those with money, engage escorts and prostitutes particularly on business trips outside of their own countries. So this is very brave writing, what you blog about here.

    Sex, in and of itself, is quite different for men and women…women tend to need emotional stimulation before physical…most men do not (my opinion only).

    Morally, I think that the sale of sex is basically wrong, although I understand the various reasons for it (after all it is known as the “oldest profession”). As we see from comments above about “all men being pigs”, both provider and client, both male and female, are damaged from it.

    For similar reasons, if you are truly “in love” with someone, I would imagine to have sex with some stranger, whether you are well paid for it or not, would be almost impossible…having been in love myself and also being a male, to be honest I would not even care to look at another woman in this situation.

    However I also am no angel myself, nor have I lived a holy life. Yes I have patronized escorts…it is a risky business, fraught with both performance and nervousness issues…the so-called “GFE” experience, well, it can be very mechanical, rules-based, cold sex; possibly friendly, usually not very satisfying for either person.

    Better for me to have a girlfriend, lover, or wife who satisfies my needs. Someone I am connected to.

    I wish you all blessings and the ability to eventually escape this life and find your true partner.

    • escortdiary

      Thank you for comments. You mention a lot of ideas that are very much the product of popular narratives (popular stereotypes on gender roles, sexuality, etc).

      I would like to mention that ‘Eastern’ regions were not always ‘strict.’ A lot of the strictness that may exist in SOME parts is very much the outcome of the modern nation-state, imperialism, and globalization processes. People often assume that it’s the religion/culture that causes sexual repression, when in reality it’s the state (Government) which oppresses sexual minorities. If one glimpses into historical literature of many regions of the ‘East’ they would find sexuality is very complex and fluid, and in many cases open and accepted.

      I do agree that sex work in a contemporary (current) context has problematic concequences. It’s problematic because of social stigmas, laws, trafficking, the degradation of many sex workers, etc. However, in other times and places, sex work has manifested itself in many different ways, such as a form of empowerment for women (matriarchy).

      As well, you mentioned the difference stances on sex between men and women. I would like to highlight these so-called differences are socially constructed. Female sexuality is devalued in many Modern contexts, which gives rise to the discourse that women equate sexuality through emotions while men do not. This idea you mentioned is part is the outcome of asymmetrical gender roles imposed on men and women, which is not universal by any means.

  125. Sarahb

    Hi am about to do my first ever shift with a high class escorting business and I am also nervous can you please write a blog on your first ever client and some tips…. My reasons for going from a degree holder and very independent women to going into this field goes very deep… I love reading our blogs as I am about to enter this world and have no one to relate to or talk to…

    • escortdiary

      Thank you for commenting and I am very sorry to hear you have to resort to this. My blog gives many reasons how this industry is not worth the emotional trauma, but if you have already made your choice then it is better to get wholesome advice to stay safe. I will try my best to write a post soon dedicated to such advice.

    • Lauren

      Hi Sarah,

      I was wondering how this went for you? I’m seriously thinking about getting into escorting, I’ve done it once as a one off but would like to get into it part time? Any advice on how to?


  126. Kris

    Wow your writing is very helpful for me. I have been involved with this escort/ girlfriend for over 5 years now. We have had many ups and downs. Funny how the heart works I am not a rich man but I am stable. My question is how would I know if she really loves me?

    • escortdiary

      The question should be: is she ready to let you love her?

      • Kris

        The reason I ask that is how does one know, she has now moved away, we still talk and I visit at least once a month. How do I know when it is work or real?

      • escortdiary

        It’s also not so easy to interpret her intentions. She may love and care about you, but she is also thinking about her own survival. Or, she might be taking advantage of you and not care at all. It’s my understanding that there is a big distinction between work and real intimacy — if you and her have great chemistry, then it’s real.

  127. Oncelostnowfound

    I stumbled upon your blog and I was awed. It is very well-written! Also, it brought me back the bad memory many years ago when I was in debt & very desperate. I tried to be an escort and took on my first client. He was a cheat who refused to pay up, and that’s it, I decided I couldn’t continue with this career at all. I felt remorseful & stupid to the point I nearly wanted to end my life. You are a strong & wise woman. God loves you, do not forget that. He will take you back and open other doors of opportunity for you, if you are willing. Whatever circumstances you are going through, they will all work out for the better. Take courage and quit this industry, Sister. Sending you lots of love & prayers.

  128. What an amazing woman!! Listen it is strong women like you that inspire women like me. Chin up huni 🙂

  129. Purushottam


    I wonder if you ever come out from this world but you may end your hunt by making a strong decision that may leave you in stress for a short span of time but trust me it is more satisfying than you are working as a sex worker.

    I’ve had come across many personalities while traveling to different countries who shared their views on escorts (a shortcut to hell), but at the same time i realized that situations sometime play a significant role in destroying you.

    I have a great sympathy on you and i wish you could end this blackness from your life and enlighten your life with “self- actualization” and “Spiritual-awareness”. “One strong
    decision and you are out of hell”.


  130. dev

    Thank you very much ! First, I am being from a science/health related background, despite of knowing a risks in principle/theory, your answer gave me an idea of risks in real world scenario. Second, I am being a sexually and emotionally dissatisfied married man who is not in a position to come out of my existing life at this point of time, visiting escorts has given me an opportunity to maintain my emotional health, sexual satisfaction and married life too. I do think, I am being so dishonest to my life, but in life, things come with options, and I had to choose one. Probably, it is also a kind of social pressures to maintain my married life (As you have mentioned in your posts). Thanks !

    Have you thought of writing a book? Haven’t you thought of compiling your posts into a book? As an educated reader of your post, I believe your experiences, thoughts and advises not only will help hundreds of thousands of men and women to understand their life, relationships and sexuality, but also will provide insight into these businesses and, will guide guides those people in/directly related to escorting. I would strongly encourage you to write a book. You have always an option either to disclose or not to disclose your identity. And you deserve to be a world class writer/author.

  131. dev


    Really great to read your diary. I found your diary a week before while searching for my own stuffs in internet. I am reading your dairy everyday bit by bit and I am still reading it.

    I have been visiting escorts from past two years. I am not very regular though especially due to financial problems. I came to UK three years back as a student. It actually costs quite high to visit so called high class escorts as advertised. One of the escorts I visited was £220 per hour which was so expensive I should day, but I could have had sex just once. Now I look for one of the lowest range escorts that too only for half an hour, and most of them have been quite good. I often found some escorts very good and I often asked them if they could be my girl friend, and to be honest, I often think these days, I may be lucky enough to find an educated escorts as my long life companion. I wouldn’t mind to move ahead if I am lucky.

    I have two questions to you, how can I win a trust of an escort? if its money, I am not in a position at this point. I am a very honest, open minded, sensible guy, and always have been gentle and sensual with escorts. I visit escorts for affection and in fact look some affection and care from them.
    In your post, you have written about oral with or without, and also about receiving oral from clients. I am one of those clients to be honest with you. As a person, I truly love french kiss which is something that gives me an immense satisfaction than anything else, and I like giving orals as well. It is not because I am visiting escorts but also because I love it. I have most of the time (except when escort didn’t agree rarely), gone for oral without, french kissing and oral giving. I would also do the same when I have my girlfriend/partner/wife if they agree. My question here is, if I am visiting an escort which seem to have good personal hygiene, well groomed, is there a big risks of having oral without and giving oral to escort? What do u suggest personally?

    Sorry to write to you such a long post. I hope to read you very soon.

    • escortdiary

      Thank you for sharing your experiences.

      To answer your first question: Sorry to inform you, but most women in this industry aren’t really concerned about clients unless money is involved. You can be the sweetest, kindest, most loving and respectful person, but be mindful that an escort can often have many options (in men). She may enjoy you as a client, but will not give up her lifestyle easily. She will be more warm to a man who has qualities she desires and pays her decent money simultaneously. I have met lovely clients indeed, who are selfless and willing to work hard to impress/please me. But I have no place for them in my life, unless money is involved. Ironically, I am also not easily impressed by men who only offer money. In other words, my love cannot be bought by just any man. It’s the bitter truth. Unless I am deeply in love, perhaps, but again money and financial security is part of the gaining an escorts trust.

      To answer your second question: I understand that you, like most of us, desire more than just sex itself. For many, it is the foreplay (oral, kissing, cuddles) that is as exciting as the sex itself. The problem is being truly intimate with an escort is a bit of gamble for clients — you can never truly know if she will want it or not. Secondly, these acts are quite intimate — many escorts might cringe at the idea of being too intimate with a client. As I mentioned on my blog, some escorts can enjoy themselves and do feel aroused with *some* clients (but not all). And equally many girls are strictly doing this for money, so either they don’t want pleasure or they will just do it out of obligation.

      Oral sex uncovered can be a risk. People are aware of risks, but in reality many judge the risks on the particular context (the girl, the mood, trust, etc). In other words, clients are not always thinking rationally in the heat of the moment. Sometimes an escorts ‘rules’ are laxed too, depending on her comfort level, her clients’ comfort level, etc. For instance, I do not perform oral without condoms. Contrary, I do allow trusted, hygienic clients to perform oral on me. Sounds rather hypocritical, since I won’t do the same for my clients. The notion of tasting a strangers fluids is ghastly and I simply cannot do it. But if they enjoy tasting me, and they are well-groomed, I embrace it in some circumstances. Most clients want to give oral– therefore, they must assume I, in particular, am safe and hygienic.

      It would be ideal if you could find a girlfriend/life-partner (rather than escort) to experience your desires — unless you find good sexual chemistry with an escort and still afford seeing her. I’d be cautious of escorts who offer oral sex uncovered for all her clients — choose one who is more discerning, and who markets herself as ‘safe.’

  132. Dins

    I am a married man, 33 years from East, and have a beautiful child. I am pursuing research by profession, so still studying. My wife, who looks fairly pretty is not actually at all satisfying me sexually. I have tried my best. More than this, there are few other problems in my relationships in terms of emotional, mental and psychological compatibility. But, I still think, sexual dissatisfaction is something that is frustrating me. I have started seeing escorts from past one year (I am married for almost four years). I have started spending a lot of time in researching on escorts, their life, articles etc. I really admire you for your candidness, truthfulness, purity (I call it purity of heart), honesty and courage. You are a very good writer as well. Now, I realize, how important it is to be sexually satisfied in life and family. I wish, I am liked and loved by a woman who could understand me and my emotion. How can married man remain happy without ever being touched by his wife’s hands in his body especially in sensitive areas. How can a man remain fulfilled with sex without much foreplay and without passionate kissing. How far a man will go kissing his wife and taking care of her sexually and never get those kisses in return. Is there anyway, a man teach a woman or his wife, what he wants? Doesn’t a complete as well as repeated sensual, sexual and affectionate act on his wife tell her the way he wants to be pampered by her in return? Could you suggest me any thing when you have time. Thank you very much

    • escortdiary

      Thank you for sharing your story. I will be dedicating a post to answer your question, as I feel your situation is very common among many patrons of escorts. A lot of men love their wives dearly, but they are seeing escorts due to minimal/no sex at home.

      A question I will also address is: what created the conditions where women stray from sex with their husbands due to getting older or having children?

    • MIQ

      Wowww I can relate this to me 100%. I thought I was alone in the boat !

  133. princesslaylah

    Hi there, I stumbled upon your blog from somewhere..read your posts for quite some while! I have to say you are a very talented writer and I wish you all the best..Hope you get out of the “cycle” and move onto something else before it damages you permanently. From the little that you have shared on here I can tell you have a good and pure heart.

    All the best


    • escortdiary

      Hi Layla,

      Thank you so much for taking the time to comment. I have seen your blog before and have enjoyed many articles. You are also a great writer, and seem to have a fascinating life. I look forward to your posts.

      With love, S

  134. sara jatta

    Hi thanks I’ll read the book. I’m Taking it day by day. Hopefully i can stay away from the business permanently.

  135. sara jatta

    Hi I was searching for something else online and stumbled across ur blog. I’m an ex escort. I left the business few months ago and moved back home (Norway). It has now been 9 months since I quit.

    I got into escorting after leaving my studies. I was studying law in uk, but left my studies and found myself in financial difficulties, so to make some extra cash I got into escort. First it was just casual, then I Went professional, working as a full time independent “high class” escort. However after a year I hated what it was doing to me psychologically, and stupidly enough I fell in Love with one of my ex clients. A married surgeon, a big mistake. Anyway we ended it and I decided to leave the business and moved back home.

    Leaving escorting was VERY VERY hard. I was used to making allot of money in short space of time. Now having to get a normal job and earning an average salary was difficult. The temptation to go back is always there. I’ve even had offers from ex clients visiting Norway and wanting a booking, but its not worth it. Ive lost myself in the process of escorting and find it VERY difficult to trust men.

    I’ve been single for a year now because I find it hard to trust anyone enough to let them close into me.

    I just hope that someday I’ll find peace and happiness and leave this behind me. Inshalla.

    • escortdiary

      Inshallah. If sex work isn’t working for you, then let’s hope you can get out of the ‘darkness.’ I know how hard it must be to quit. The hardest part is often our former, regular clients …who call or email us (which is so tempting, because often they might be lovely clients). But I hope you can keep it up, if that is what you desire, and let me know how it goes.

      Since you are in Europe, I would like to suggest a great British memoir called, “Disgraced” By Saira Ahmed. She is a British-Muslim woman who go lured into prostitution by financial difficulties.

  136. Olivia


    I shall keep this brief, as here in Australia it is midnight. I am 29 years old. I started working for a fairly famous and very high class bordello -stiletto- in Sydney, Australia when I was 20. I’ve come back in and out of the industry. Loving the cash, but being to immature to realize it just wouldn’t last forever. The money would dry up and all i’d be left with- outdated clothing:( and due to repeated leaving for man after man after man… Each time truly believing I’d found true love. Each time I was treated worse than the previous. Now I have finally left my last disastrous relationship and after spending a month or so getting super duper together emotionally again and starting to love and appreciate myself for the first time in I could not even say how long I am caring only about what’s right FOR MOI;) Along with this I have, I think, made the decision to go back to escorting- but THIS TIME- because I am 29 and no spring chicken -good time-only-party new to the industry I have decided I WILL NOT be paying any agency half or any house 60-70% plus bonds ect to work really in what is just basic ‘prostitution’ no knack to it, no airs and graces, no real manners or grooming and deportment training necessary. It’s just sex for quick usually small amounts of cash. I worked for a worldwide very high profile escort agency AFTER the high class bordello – And I would go and pick my cheques up from the managers/owners of the agency- they lived in a gorgeous apartment, with a chef and personal trainers, they spent their holidays travelling the world. And although they were charging $800-$1000p/hour for my time and service, I was only seeing A HALF OF THAT! I spoke to an escort friend of mine now in her 50’s and still slogging away at a ‘apparent high class’ bordello, I told her I had decided to work for MYSELF. She tried SO, SO very hard to just talk me out of it! Telling me ALL the reasons why it wouldn’t, couldn’t, shouldn’t, work. She had looked into it and the overheads just too high. But when I sat down and wrote up a proper business plan and feasibility study etc it seemed to MORE than show extreme viability on paper! So now, although I feel that I should use the next 5 years (until 33-34) to work my little butt off marketing myself as probably the ONLY truly high class, well educated, excited, groomed and trained with life experience escort/courtesan in my city. In the market research I performed there just was NOT anyone single lady offering what I would like to and most importantly CAN HONESTLY offer:) I feel that after all I’ve lost- in many ways to this industry (things I won’t mention here, but certainly not any such things which have left me in anyway bitter towards the industry- but I just feel now is the ONLY time I will EVER have to recoup my losses due to leaving this industry for pathetic-promise the world-deliver-utterly-NOTHING-men!!! I feel I don’t have long left, age wise, to be able to offer my services at the class level and price range I shall be asking. I am excited to be honest about the prospects, and travel opportunities, financial security and education that could all be built out of my working incredibly hard over the next little while. I fully intend on paying tax, so as to build a property portfolio and my long term financial stability. I also intend on investing a lot into furthering my education (I was studying law/psychology at uni and would like to continue this at some point in the near future so as to have something to build a career with outside of and far away from this industry 😉 I guess my question to you my friend, is what do you think of my plan? I am based in Canberra, ACT. Which is Australia’s capital city and whilst certainly not the biggest city it is I suppose like Washington DC in many ways due to all politics being run from here, parliament house is here and the government comes from all over the country to sit for parliament on a regular basis- politicians are one of a working ladies biggest slices of ‘bread n butter’ I’ve been told here in the ACT. It is also just won the title of most expensive city to live in Australia but almost in the world these days! So! People clearly have money! And it is literally filled with public servants whom have long been known to hire escorts and stay longer. They are reputed to have a lot of luxury disposable income to burn and they love de-stressing with a beautiful high class intelligent lady;) And as I stated above- my market research mostly proved that Canberra is over run by the following;
    *massage only
    *older larger ladies with the shocking ad copy- “little bit older, little bit bolder, not over the hill, still able to thrill”….. Ummmmm somehow I don’t think I even WANT to compete to keep company with the type of ‘gentleman’ whom would read this ad, call and ACTUALLY go ahead with this booking- given that a friend (a male) of mine whom has helped me with my market research(I send him to visit and stay with ladies around the area and he reports back- As an escort veteran-he’s never even been inside a parlour-he’ll only see escorts- and he WASN’T happy at having to investigate this frightening ad lol;) went to see her and refused to stay as she certainly lived up to the copy and more! Not only was she A LOT OLDER AND A LOT BIGGER- she works from a dingy apartment on the outskirts of town with cats crawling around everywhere, and the ‘little bit bolder’ came into play most surely when HE- YES HE!!! – HAD TO BEG HER TO USE PROTECTION (condom) she refused many times-reassuring that she could tell when men are clean! And he said- its not me I’m worried about!!! How many men are you servicing ILLEGALLY /IMORALLY/UNETHICALLY everyday in this disease spreading fashion! He grabbed his clothes and RAN! And assured he was NOT happy with myself for the market research ‘perks’ that particular day which will stay etched in his traumatized mind!!;) anyway there are maybe 8 girls whom would be somewhere close to decent looking enough to work in a highclass bordello whom live and work from serviced apartments mainly in the city. But NONE of them whom I’ve researched so far (and I’m so sorry if this sounds rude) NONE of them are attractive naturally – they are either too large, covered in stretch marks, no breasts, on any number of drugs and totally unprofessional, covered in tattoos, old women, skanky looking young and middle aged women etc ect… The couple of truly stunning and by the sounds of their websites are the ‘real deal’ and I guess what I would like to launch myself as eg: website. Business cards ect… They are NOT based permanently and on a fulltime basis in Canberra. They come on ‘holidays or tours’ or special bookings. You have to book well in advance, so I believe so far I may be one of maybe one or two girls permanently based in Canberra who do this for a living whilst also educating themselves, saving, building property portfolios, spending money to make money, investing, paying tax and throughouly caring for themselves both inside and out, so as to be the best to only have to accept the very best. So I believe that qualifies somewhat as a niche, yes?
    I would really love, appreciate, be honoured with any advice, suggestions, words of wisdom etc that you could maybe offer me.
    I want to ask you straight out- do you think I’m being ridiculous, stupid, unrealistic or living in some sordid fantasy world with lovely thick rose coloured glasses glued to my face?
    Am I being selfish by refusing to give my ex partner (he was somewhat violent) a second chance and instead following my plan to set myself up for life with just 5 years of full time hectic escorting.
    Can you give me any advice or information on what I could do to enable me to morally charge really high prices without losing every client altogether?

    I’m SO very sorry that I’ve given you just SO much information on your blog. I truly am. I so need and want this to work. I’m 29 and I don’t get a second chance at this what I believe (and what I know will be hideously-want-to-give-up days) a golden opportunity for me right now. I know it’s not glamorous, but I find ways to make it feel glamorous and glitzy by counting all that money, buying n investing and spending hours at the day spa …. My body is my product it must be cared for yes? 🙂

    I so look forward to hearing from you, at your earliest convenience.
    Thank you,

    Best wishes for a lovely Christmas and happy new year,


    • escortdiary

      Hi Olivia,

      Thank you for sharing your story. Try to make a plan that will let you leave this line of work. Save your money, and invest in a home or flat rather than spending it on expensive designer goods or day spas.

      It’s very terrible they take half of your money in Australia. I have heard about this before. It’s very unjust. Taking 50-60 percent commission inspires greedy people to start escort businesses and exploit sex workers.

      I hope my future posts can help you and others

      Take care,
      Exotic Escort Diary

    • anescortgirl

      Im 29 and I look 24. I work out and do my own glycolic chemical peels and use sonya dakar skin care. I have a very youthful face and nice body, and I will invest money in cosmetic procedures in the future as needed. I want to look as young as kim kardashains mom (kris jenner) when im her age. With the kind of money you make, its very feasible. But dont get distracted by relationships with men or costly schooling. Think about you and only what is best for you, not men, not anyone else. Men always tell me if they could escort they would rather do that than work 50-60 hours a week. Im also going to pursue acting and modeling as side hobbies, but i have ZERO intention of marrying or going to school. Well good luck, be strong:)

      • escortdiary

        I’ve known many women/escorts with your outlook on life. They want to invest heavily into their outer beauty, and become completely focused on their physical appearance. They hold this belief that money and outer beauty is enough to keep them happy and satisfied. It’s your life, do what you want. But I suggest finding a balance. You can do this work, but do not neglect your inner self. If you let money and superficial beauty define who you are, then you will attract the same shallow people. At the moment, that type of attention may sound ideal. But when you are much older, you must ask yourself: will shallow attention make you happy? What is your plan if something happens to your outer beauty?

        Outer beauty is such a fragile thing to rely on. I, too, am a beautiful woman. I am getting older too, hitting my mid-late twenties. When I was younger, I was focused on defining myself by superficial means (my appearance). Then I thought to myself: what if I burnt my face? What if I broke my leg? Who will still want me if my outer beauty was ruined? That’s when I realized the importance of internal qualities. I am no longer interested in shallow persons, because they are only concerned with my physical appearance (which, again, is not a permanent feature).

        I am sure one day in your life you will want love, but real love is not based on physical appearances. I don’t know how one can find ‘shallow’ love satisfying, but it depends on their mentality. Lastly, if one does not have an engaging personality, then their outer beauty becomes very mediocre over time.

        Best of luck.

  137. tobiasess

    You write extremely well and I enjoyed some of your cultural insights. It’s obvious that you are aware of your profession being fraught with emotional and physical problems and you are intelligent enough to realise that this cannot continue forever.
    What I find perplexing is why you continue upon a path that causes you suffering? You can have meaningful sex elsewhere, you can find intellectual stimulation from your studies and clever friends, and you are bright enough to earn a living elsewhere.
    As your friend Tony pointed out men often think of ladies in your profession as ‘whores’ and as people they can discard, so would it not be best to change now and fulfil all your human potential and be happy with a partner that values you as a person and not simply an object of temporary desire?

    You mention a little about Islam and Muslims and I thought of this hadith: http://hadithqudsi.sacredhadith.com/hadith-qudsi-34/

    On the authority of Anas (may Allah be pleased with him), who said: I heard the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) say:

    “Allah the Almighty said:
    ‘O son of Adam, so long as you call upon Me and ask of Me, I shall forgive you for what you have done, and I shall not mind.
    O son of Adam, were your sins to reach the clouds of the sky and were you then to ask forgiveness of Me, I would forgive you.
    O son of Adam, were you to come to Me with sins nearly as great as the earth and were you then to face Me, ascribing no partner to Me, I would bring you forgiveness nearly as great as it.’”

    It was related by at-Tirmidhi (also by Ahmad ibn Hanbal). Its chain of authorities is sound.

    I hope the best for you and I hope you find solace and happiness.

    • escortdiary

      Thank you for commenting. I am not doing escorting for the purpose of sexual stimulation per say. As I mentioned, I do this because I am extremely addicted to the money from this job.

      The sex industry is not so black and white. Not every client views escorts as insignificant or ‘whores.’ Ironically, many clients respect us and often even admire us (and some clients, if given the chance, may enter relationships and marry with escorts).

  138. Anonymous

    I am starting to miss your writing…Looking forward to your new posts.

  139. MissMoti

    I love reading your post!! I have always been so curious about the life of a high end exotic escort.

  140. You look so gorgeous on your photos. I’m pretty sure you’re busy with the industry. Best of luck to you. ❤

  141. I just came across your blog when you followed mine 🙂 I am fascinated by your writing, your experience, and your client-turned-lover Sheikh…and I feel for you, reading about the emotional toll this lifestyle has had on you. I look forward to reading more of what you have to say and getting to know you a bit.

  142. janet

    WOW ! WOW! WOW! I AM SPEECHLESS HUNNY! YOU ARE JUST EXTRAORDINARILY AMAZING, DO U HAVE A FACEBOOK WHERE I CAN ADD U AS A FRIEND, your blog woke me up and i enjoyed reading every article u wrote there… stay blessed dear

  143. Laura

    How refreshing it is to read your blog! You are a very good writer and have a talent here!

    It was a relief to read the words that we can find some clients who try to please us – the thought of it is repulsive. Usually they are doing nothing wrong, they are quite often highly respectful, punctual, pay the right amount etc. They are ordinary decent, hardworking men, who you can imagine would treat a woman very well. But there’s something we can’t explain – just no chemistry – yet they keep coming back again and again.

    I find I can’t see regular clients for too long (say over 2 years). There’s no logical explanation for it, other than you keep feigning intimacy with them when it’s not real. To them, it’s their fantasy which gives them fuel, a spring in their step. But to us – it’s draining our energy.

    We give it, and enjoy the lifestyle that comes with it. It feels as if we lose our soul a bit but we are compensated with working whenever we please, on our own terms, if we feel like it, etc. I often become grateful after seeing ‘check-out’ chicks slaving away all day long at the cash register and see them pushed around by their superiors.

    • escortdiary

      Thanks for commenting Laura. I agree with your perspective and thanks for sharing. Indeed the lack of chemistry is why we don’t desire clients who are handsome, sweet and respectful.

      It is nice not having a ‘boss’ …we are very independent, yet this escorting world isolates us — it makes us too independent.

  144. The sheik has played you for a fool.

  145. Hello, I wanted to compliment you on your blog. I literally began a post yesterday, just felt the need to write and share my experience. Its bare bones at the moment, no design, just a glimpse of me. Check it out if you can. http.//soyouwanttobeahighendescort.blogspot.com….XO

  146. Mandi

    I was considering escorting until I read your blog. I realized while reading it that no amount of money would be worth the emotional turmoil I know I would feel afterward. Thank you for sharing so much of yourself on here.

    • escortdiary

      Thank you for sharing that, and I am glad you are beyond this industry. The money is not worth the emotions. Be strong

  147. You should think about publishing this into a book. It would sell itself and you could stop selling yourself. Your writing gives a different perspective and understanding about what women in this life style go through, and that they are people too with feelings, wishes, and desires for a better future. May you find what you are looking for, and with happiness.

    • escortdiary

      Thank you so much…peace also to you.

      • disha

        u r rare, u r having a beautiful heart , but u r not doing justice to yourself,
        go get free, leave d thing dat makes u feel away from your soul!!
        i respect ur emotions.
        regards ❤


        It amazes me how humans being can be so judgemental. why do they always seem to know what exactly you SHOULD be doing with your life, yet they have no clue what to do with theirs. happiness is not a place that you go look for, is a direction and you can find it within. how do you know she is not happy? Are you?

    • MaryJane

      Agreed!! I would buy the book and so many others would too!

  148. Raf

    I stumbled over your pose, while researching for a paper – adult entertainment business and its impact on soceity, for my sociology class. I would just like to leave you with a friendly reminder, that fear the day when you will be resurrected in front of ALLAH and be answerable for using a body which is the property of ALLAH not human being, everything we are given in this life, body, money, relationships, interactions, situations are nothing more than a property or situation of test from ALLAH .

    The filth that this act creates in soceity, has far and wide repurcussions. moral and social degradation and total loss from the path of finding mercy of ALLAH.

    Fear ALLAH, ask for forgivness from ALLAH and seek ALLAH;s help in leaving this filthy way of life, It will neither avail you anything in this life nor anything in the hereafter, one forgiveness is all it takes with sincerity, to be on the path of success in the hereafter.

    I am not judging you or telling you that you are hell-bound, but merely trying to tell u what is the truth so that in the hereafter I will not be responsible for not telling you to leave this way and come back to the path of ALLAH . may ALLAH forgive you and guide you to a pure, clean and pious life. Ameen

    Your brother

    • escortdiary

      Thank you for the comment. Islam is about justice for humanity, and thus there is a dire need to eradicate the forces within society that place people (such as prostitutes) in vulnerable, exploitative positions. Often there is no element of choice for prostitutes, so it requires the wider society to help prevent women from resorting to this downtrodden life.

    • curvy

      I am an escort myself and I agree with you on most things, but I don’t see how u can “fall in Love”. I see at least 6 guys a week for the last 4 years. Each time they repulse me more and more, even if they are cute and clean. All men are the same to me now, dirty, disgusting, pigs. I cannot help the way I feel. I had a young lover (i’m 46 he was 27) and I fell madly in love with him in the beginning of my escort career. As time went on, I didn’t even want him to touch me and I loved him more then anyone I had ever been with. This career has ruined my perception of men, if there are any good ones out there, I will not be able to see it because of the huge cloud before my eyes. I cannot stop escorting because I am addicted to the money and I fear that ev entully my looks will prevent me from doing this. I don’t know how to get out, and I am lonlier then ever. It’s a no-win situation…….

      • Paul

        You have to get out of this profession.

        The sad truth is that you are probably correct. All men are pigs. Younger women try to remain blind to this truth. Older women realize it eventually.

        It’s really a question of how women come to terms with this. Just because men don’t visit prostitutes, doesn’t mean they wouldn’t if there were no consequences.

      • escortdiary


        Thank you for commenting.

        However, I disagree with your statement about all men ‘being pigs.’ All men are NOT ‘pigs.’ This is the wrong mentality. Sure, being an escort can make a woman very hardened towards men. Yet she must realize that not all men (nor every client) has the intention to exploit/use her. Some men are bad, sure. But some women can be equally as bad. Blaming an entire sex is an invalid argument, which fails to look how society conditions men and women to behave in certain manners.

        Men, just like women, face tremendous pressure to play their gendered roles. There is also no universal trait for men or women, as variety of gender identities exist cross-culturally.

      • Jaime

        In response to Curvy, I am so sorry to hear that you have come to this way of thinking regarding men. I have been an escort for the past 4.5 years (I am now 52) and I have a very different view of the men I see. I see on average 18 men a week, many of them are repeat clients. I designed my business around what works for me, working from 10am to 3pm 4 days a week. I see respectful gentleman 35+. It is never an issue of seeing people who have been drinking or taking drugs. These are business men primarily or entrepreneurs who have flexibility in their schedules. I communicate only through text as men write like they speak. I don’t get drawn into long conversations with those that are only interested in talking. If they are not 100% respectful in their communications with me, I politely tell them that we are not a good match and I will not see them. Much easier to do in text by the way then on the phone. I have found every person who sees me to be a good soul. Some of them are there purely for their physical release and that’s ok. I respect that, I am acting as a sexual surrogate and that’s fine. Others are there for the sex, the conversation and are an absolute joy to spend time with, whether we are playing or talking. Many of these men have huge holes in their heart and are looking for a place that makes them feel safe, appreciated and cared about. What I give, I get back 100 fold. I am told over and over how beautiful I am inside and out and I never ever let that fall on deaf ears. I appreciate their kind words and take them to heart. I feel better about myself now than I ever have! Each day I am grateful and thankful for the beautiful souls who have come to see me. This career has been the most rewarding to me and I have had many over the years. Every day I have the opportunity to make some one’s day special. To make them feel special! In return they make me feel like a cherished princess. 🙂 We really do get what we give! When I allow myself to be fully present as I do, I see the beauty in each and every one of them. People often ask, what if the guy who comes to the door is unattractive, what do you do? If I can’t see beauty on the outside, I am guaranteed to find it on the inside I say. And I mean that with 100% sincerity. If you can see these men as being hurt, wounded children who are desperate for some loving attention (and not getting it from home) you can see their innocence and their desire to just feel connected to someone. Even if it is fleeting, it does feel good to be wrapped up in someones arms. 🙂 I’m wishing you the very best sweetie and hope you can change perspective so you can enjoy what you do, and enjoy men in general again.

      • Hi, You are right living that kind of lifestyle will only leave you “BURNOUT”.
        But if you care about true love there is a other lifestyle call how to become a virtuous women. If this is some thing you would like to learn email me. Please understand that mind control is word control who is controlling your mind? Thank You.

      • Lacy

        Finally! Another escort who is on the same page as me. I have been an escort for 10 years and I have a strong bias against all men now. I hate what I do, I hate all of the men that get to use my body but I am addicted as well. I’ve tried to leave for years but I can’t get out. It’s a terrible addiction to have and there are no resources to fight this addiction. Society only wants to help those with substance abuse addictions, which I don’t have. You’re not alone!

      • Darrell

        Interesting how the inter-you conflict with the physical you and how you blame men for your problem. The truth is you have more than ample meaning of leaving your trade by simply living simple and saving your money until you have independence… It is your greed that enslaves you.

      • Bailey

        In response to ‘curvy’:

        What if he wants you back. Just because u think all men are pigs and your perception of men is ruined it doesn’t mean that he was. U can’t judge a man based on your personal experiences. Sounds like you wouldn’t know what love is if it was pissing on your shoe. It was your choice to get into this work, do u think it is in fact the case that your the pig not him. What’s more important love or money. For you: money. So it’s women like you don’t deserve the good men in the world. I’m glad I live in Texas, with real people Good luck I hope you find love one day, just remember you’ll never be able to buy it. No matter how good of whore u are. Your trapped in the business now. Have to wait till you start getting ugly, then what. See you later little ms whore.!

      • kian

        In my case, I have been addicted to sex. As I’m single and an introvert, I usually end up calling escorts, to the point where I have amassed high debts on my credit cards. The problem is I cannot see the complete picture here. My assumption usually revolves around the fact that they (escorts) also enjoyed their time with me. Unfortunately as you have highlighted above, that’s not the case. I am now on the path to beat this addiction and return to my original pure consciousness. This kinda life brings nothing…but pure misery upon that person (both ways). This addiction (again both ways) may bring you temporary pleasure…but at a very great emotional and spiritual cost.

    • Ahem. A retort if you will. Your comment “…will be resurrected in front of ALLAH and be answerable for using a body which is the property of ALLAH not human being, everything we are given in this life, body, money, relationships, interactions, situations are nothing more than a property or situation of test from ALLAH .” – I can’t help but point out that other than the claim that Jesus Christ was resurrected 3 days after dying, there have been 0 people resurrected after death ( not counting medical recitation) nor has any God smote anyone since well…Egypt pre pyramids? As for a body being the property of a god and not the resident of the skin…well that’s just wishful and very archaic thinking.

      Fear a god? Why? Lack of understanding of my surroundings? Lack of just over all knowledge? We KNOW that the earth is the third planet in our solar system. We KNOW our moon is a satellite stuck in earth’s gravity (no the magic of ALLAH or GOD ). Lack of human anatomy, we KNOW life is given when sperm and egg attach (we could get more technical but for conversation sake). So perhaps while using the magic box that allows your holy crusade. Perhaps you should seek out Goo Gle… the god of knowledge. Ask and your answers will be revealed!

      Sounds kind of dumb to follow such an innate ethereal incorporeal being… right?

      • Adil Sb.

        Oh you said, “we KNOW life is given when sperm and egg attach”.
        Then who created the first man and woman of this world.
        Who created First Horse, Goat, Pig, chicken, tiger, sparrow, and all other thousands of creatures?
        Do you Think all those born itself..?
        No, You are wrong, It’s The Allah who created us and all other creatures of this world. Allah is the one who created each and every thing from scratch.

        Just Think about it, look around yourself and you will say, “Yes, someone is running this whole universe.”

        We try to protect our religion whole life that was assigned by our parents just after 5 minutes of birth. We should research for the true way.

  149. Raj Shekar

    Hi dear.,

    I have seen your blog just today itself., Planned to spend for 5 minutes but your writings make me to read few articles.., You are a good writer more than a prostitute, Your emotions are more precious than money. But Money gives all the pleasure except sex, so money is important. I am also in dual mind and i am from india..
    Wish you best of luck for future

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