Escort Review Boards are Toxic & Dehumanizing

An escort Punter (Hobbyist) = a male KAREN?

Dear readers, it has taken me several years to write this post. I imagine this post will get a lot of hate in escort forums, where people’s sole identities are tied to these toxic forums. Escort review forums are extremely dehumanizing for both men and women (it encourages toxic behavior for men’s interactions with women and detracts from a wholesome sense of intimacy). This post will break it down.

A select population of clients in the sex industry are punters (also known as Hobbyists), men who review escorts on public escort forum boards. They are the unpleasant type of clients as they degrade sex workers into very shallow criteria and ratings on scales. Essentially, punters see sex as something that can be standardized – that a sex worker has a menu that is static and can be applied to all clients. They don’t have the maturity to factor in that intimate sex is about chemistry, communication, among other things — they don’t realize that sex with an escort will always vary. Punters also do not realize that having a degradative mindset/attitude towards sex workers will actually work against them — no woman wants to feel intimate with a self-entitled, shallow creep. It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy.

In an ironic twist, a lurker to any escort review board will notice one thing: most punters’ biggest complaint about escorts is that the “service” (or sex) “felt mechanical.” Sex will be mechanical if you think escorts should offer sex in a standardized “set menu” manner! Sex should not be seen as a service. Sex cannot be pre-planned with a fixed menu that can be repeated uniformly with different bodies. Having a self-entitled attitude towards sex workers is not only a recipe for bad sex, but it’s toxic. Having sex for the intent of gloating about it online and seeking virtual “high fives” from fellow soulless entities is toxic.

In Short: Escort Review Boards are cesspools of false information, jilted lovers, jilted clients, one-sided BIASED and often false or exaggerated reviews, the site of shallowness and the dehumanization of women (and sex), and a meeting point for sociopathic, self-entitled clients (aka “Karen” clients with the “CuStOmEr iS RiGhT” attitude).

Disclaimer — this post is NOT about all clients. Clients are as diverse as any population and there are many lovely men who are patrons of escorts. This post is specifically talking about men who identify themselves as Punters, whom frequent/contribute to escort review boards. Not all clients are punters. This is also not talking about those who may only browse review boards.

Anyone can create a username and write whatever they want about you on an online escort forum. Have a psychotic, jilted former ex lover/stalker? Pissed off another escort, pimp or madame? Have an escort who is jealous of you? Did you stand up for yourself to an abusive, creepy client? Guess what, he/she can take revenge against you by writing negative things about on these escort review forums (under the guise of a so-called client). Even “good” reviews can be false, misleading or exaggerated (which I will speak about my experience later).

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Getting a BAD Review as an Escort

A few months back, someone sent me a very harsh and harassing email (to my escorting email). They told me I was a scammer and I was a fraud. They also said I must be “old and fat” now. They claimed they saw me many years back. I was trying to think of whom I met and had a bad experience with? I could only think of a few instances where I met a client who was unreasonable and ghastly.

I have never received such a mean email before. Foolishly, I replied to that person something along the lines of, “I am sorry you are such a hateful person that you would email someone with such hurtful words.” I shouldn’t have engaged with them at all, and I should know that empathy doesn’t work with sociopaths. I wondered if this person was actually someone I had met, or was it someone who has a vendetta against escorts and just wants to spam them with hate?

So I thought back to any bad experiences I’ve had. I remembered there was one man who had the same name as the email. He was the only client who I told to “Fuck off” as I shut the door on him. This was perhaps eight years ago. Now that I realize he was/is a “punter”, it all makes sense to why I had such a bad experience with him.

This client was the first client who spoke to me degradingly during sex. I remember during our session, he was calling me “Slut” and “whore”. “You’re a little whore, aren’t you?” I was shocked as I never met men who would even dare call me such things. For me, I was used to clients treating me like a Queen. But despite that, I went along with his degradative role-play. Prior to sex, he brought his own condoms and set them aside beside the condoms I have. After the sex finished, he looked at the condom wrapper and noticed we had used my condoms instead of the ones he brought. He then completely shifted his mood from happy to sour. He then berated me and said, “I told you to use THESE condoms, that’s why I brought them.” Him, a late 40’s grown man huffing and puffing at a young girl in her early 20’s for using the wrong condom, only realizing AFTER he finished. Me, being an extreme people pleaser back then, apologized sincerely, “I am so sorry, I didn’t even realize it.” And it was true, I sincerely didn’t realize we used the wrong condoms. Furthermore, why was it a big deal which condoms we used since he didn’t even notice until after we finished? But instead, he turned sour and annoyed, and became pissed at me. I kept apologizing despite he was being unreasonable. I was shocked that this man could behave so awful and childishly over such a trivial issue and a clear mistake. Decent men would NEVER behave this way. While he was dressing, I was angry at myself for apologizing to him and continuing to be kind despite he turned into a disrespectful jerk (for lack of better words). So as he was leaving my home, I muttered, “Fuck off” as I shut my door. And that is the creation of a jilted client — who will then go on an ESCORT REVIEW BOARD to take revenge on escort (where a BIASED, one-sided story is told). An escort review board, where readers have no inclination of how disgusting, rude, creepy, abusive, or horrid the CLIENT BEHAVED.

Looking back, I wish I would have yelled right back at him and set him straight. But I was also scared, as most escorts are. Sex workers are extremely vulnerable in such instances. We have no protection, and furthermore where is our protection on escort review forums? Escorts are constantly dehumanized — yet no one is batting an eye. Now, I can look back and realized he, this “punter” client, was sociopathic bully. And furthermore, he is a complete coward to now email me more recently with harassing words and speak about me on an escort review board. I do not accept reviews but somehow last month my name was mentioned on an escort review board. He wrote some posts saying my service was bad (restrictive) and said how I am now in my 30’s in a derogatory sense.

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What Do Reviews say about the AUTHOR (the Punter, the Reviewer)?

If you ever come across an escort review, ask yourself next time: what is this review telling me about the author?

A lesson on academic level critical thinking teaches one to not take writings as face value. Instead, a critical thinker/reader will always ask the following when reading something:

  1. Who is the author and what are their biases in relation to what they are writing?
  2. What are the politics of ones memory and how can it be distorted?
  3. What is the authors intent behind what they are writing?
  4. What does the authors’ writing tell you about the author themselves? (Ie: If a Punter degrades a woman because of her age, doesn’t it tell you that this person views a woman’s worth in shallow terms? If a person’s storytelling consists of bragging and boasting of their experiences, isn’t this an indication of low self esteem and attention seeking?

With regards to the jilted punter who contacted me recently, he is trying to soothe his wounded ego by speaking negative things about me, the escort. Me, barely standing up for myself and telling him to “fuck off,” wounded his ego. Nobody will know my story — an escort’s side is silenced. I feel thankful that I am able to not take his mean comments personally –being educated about anti-social personality disorders and the politics of storytelling taught me why hateful people behave this way. He’s an abusive person — sociopathic — and possibly narcissistic. Projecting his self hate by putting me down. What can be said about a person who dehumanizes women on online forums? What does it say about his character by attempting to shame me for my age and appearance? It tells me that he is a hateful, shallow and vile person. And that’s why I felt sorry for him at first — that he is filled with so much hate that he projects that onto other people.

Who is the Escort Review Punter?

*He has made a hobby out of meeting escorts and sharing his experiences with other men.

*He is the type of man who brags and boasts of his sexual experiences. Shallow boasting/bragging is the biggest indicator of low self-esteem and immaturity. It’s also a known cliche that those who show off are usually compensating for short-comings (Napoleon complex, penis insecurity issues, etc).

*He feels a need to tell his sexual escapades to a group of male buddies online to get “high fives” and an ego boost. In real life, he might be a loner, so logging online to escort review boards connects him with men like himself and gives a sense of community.

*He has “issues.” And because of these issues, he doesn’t have sex that is truly intimate, steamy and mutually fulfilling. His own personality prevents him from establishing genuine intimacy with a woman, so he is always on the prowl for new escorts since he cannot connect with women on an intimate, emotional level.

A great article that describes “11 Types of Emotionally Stunted Men” also describes a hobbyist: http://www.cnn.com/2010/LIVING/11/15/tf.emotional.men/index.html

Traits of “Hobbyist” Men who Review Escorts

  1. Potential Sociopath – A person who has little to zero empathy for the well being of sex workers.
  2. Emotionally Stunted/Immature – If a punter is not a sociopath, then he may simply be emotionally immature, socially awkward and/or have limited experience with women in everyday life. Just like anyone, some naive men want to belong, and when they join escort forums, they may feel like they found a sense of belonging with punters. The problem is, escort forum boards promote a very toxic ideal of masculinity, which can prevent men from making meaningful relationships with women.
  3. Coward  Have a REAL issue with an escort? Then, why not address it to her privately first so she can evaluate her practices? Gossiping, backbiting and doing it anonymously behind a screen makes one a coward, period.
  4. The, “I aM aN EnTiLTeD CuStOmEr” attitude. Punters are the male version of “Karen-who-needs-to-speak-to-the-manager.”
  5. Loner Misogynist – Find solace in other loner misogynists on the board (they all share common traits).

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Getting a GOOD review as an Escort

I do not accept any reviews — even a “good” review is unwanted. Thankfully, most clients I’ve seen are not the type to write reviews, nor would they even want to . As a rule, decent men do not kiss and tell. As one client told me, “Why on earth would I want to tell other men about our intimacy! No way. I don’t want to share you with anyone.”

The best sexual experiences (intimacy) are NOT being shared on escort review forums. Simply put, a genuine man who has a beautiful, intimate experience with an escort does not have it in his character to go boast about it online — he wouldn’t want other men coming to her. A man who experienced passionate intimacy with an escort wouldn’t dream of writng about her in a way to entice more clients to meet her. If he’s crazy (not decent), he might even write a bad review on her as an attempt to keep her for himself! In essence, decent men do not engage in such a behavior nor have a ‘hobbyist’ mentality. A man who genuinely respects women will not be an active on escort forums

One reason why I do not want “good” reviews is because I do not want to come off as an escort with has a set menu that can be performed with all clients. How I am with one client differs from another client. I am upfront that my service literally depends on each situation — that’s because chemistry with each person differs.

Many years back when I worked in a high-end brothel overseas, I discovered someone had written a review about me. It was a ‘good’ review. But it was incredibly false and exaggerated. The punter likely thought I would never see the review since I wasn’t working in my home country. He went into details– saying my ….. was waxed (I never wax, I shave). He claimed he made me orgasm 3 times. His writing skills were very good and exceptional — it was written in the tone of an epic tale. But it was false. I was shocked because I don’t even fake orgasms, but I certainly did not go 3 times with him (I don’t think I came with him at all).

So thus, even good reviews are highly biased, debatable and political. They can be faked also. Furthermore, one can get a good review from a punter, then a bad review by the same punter if they felt slighted at the least. Once again, the reader is not hearing anything from the escorts side, nor do they know anything about the Hobbyist in terms of their behavior and hygiene.

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Here is what you need to know when reading escort reviews:

  1. Escort Reviews are completely biasedIn escort reviews, there is an absence of the other perspective (ie: the escorts perspective), which is essential to get a more accurate depiction of what actually happened. Sex between two people has two different perspectives. How accurate is a punters review of an escort when he is anonymous (his identity is hidden behind a computer screen)? How accurate is the review of an escort when we don’t know the INTENT of the writers goals (ie: he’s a scumbag who felt insulted and to make himself feel better, he writes an unflattering review on an escort with the INTENT to get a sense of revenge for his bruised ego — this is very common). How is the review accurate when we don’t know that the client’s annoying foreplay tactics and nasty body/hygiene caused the escort discomfort and made her disengage in the sexual experience?
  2. Seeing an escort is ALWAYS a gamble – There is a term YMMV (your mileage may vary). Clients need to be schooled that seeing an escort is always YMMV. Whenever seeing an escort, a man’s experience with her CANNOT be guaranteed to be the same as someone else who reviewed her.
  3. Details on the Client are Missing in reviews. We have no idea about the CLIENT and how his attitude, looks, hygiene, touch and other crucial aspects IMPACTED how the escort reacted. He is an anonymous person behind a computer — he might be a physically and emotionally repulsive man who is talented in the art of telling epic tales (lies). He might have the worst sex game (ie: how he behaves with women sexually), which makes an escort feel turned off. The point is, readers of escort reviews have ZERO indication of the client, which is crucial in understanding how a sexual encounter actually played out.
  4. Sex CANNOT be standardized into a SET MENUGood sex is all about chemistry between two people (sexual energies that are aligned). Chemistry between two people is a phenomenon (like love) that cannot be premeditated or forced. Therefore, the entire notion of punters expecting pleasurable sex based on an escorts reviews or menu is completely invalid — there is absolutely NO way to guarantee good sex between two random people. A sex menu is not comparable to buying a meal from a set restaurant menu (but punters think it’s the same). If one thinks sex can be predictable and standardized, then they are a blatant fool and have NO idea what intimacy/chemistry is all about. The biggest irony that punters have is how they complain about escorts for being too “mechanical” or “lacking enthusiasm” — if anything, punters are INFLUENCING escorts to act mechanical when they ask escorts, “What’s on the menu?” Once again, clients need to realize that seeing an escort is a gamble in terms of making a good sexual connection, which is because, again chemistry is NOT something that can be premeditated. Furthermore, having a good experience with an escort also HEAVILY depends on the behaviour of the client. Some punters are overt or closeted misogynists — their experiences with escorts are a self fulfilling prophecy–— they have negative ideas about escorts (and women, generally),  so when they meet an escort they give off a negative vibe that makes the escort less friendly and uncomfortable. In other words, if a client acts like a scum, he can’t expect an escort (or any woman) to be enthusiastic about spending time with him.
  5. Decent men are NOT profound reviewers of escorts for a variety of reasons. Decent men /clients do not seek egotistical validation by bragging or boasting about their sex life. The only time a decent man might review an escort is if the escort, herself, asked for one — he is reviewing to help her with good intentions. But again, decent men are not the type to engage on these forums generally. Genuine, passionate sex will not be found on a review board, because no man would want other men to get the chance to experience true intimacy with a woman.
  6. Many, MANY reviews are highly inaccurate, exaggerated, blatant lies, or even revengeful (ie: written by a jilted lover/client, who got rejected by an escort). Even jilted escorts/pimps/agencies sometimes pretend to be a client and write negative reviews on another escort out of envy, jealously or revenge.
  7. Escort Reviews Dehumanizes and Exploits Women – To quantify someone’s body parts or service on a scale of 1 to 10 is dehumanizing and shallow — is that all that matters about a woman? Is sex just about the physical? For shallow people, yes. For those whom are deep, sex is much more metaphysical, spiritual, intimate among other things. Escort reviews also work to bully escorts into compromising their comfort levels and boundaries. For example, an escort might feel uncomfortable with a client, but she fears to get a bad review, so she is subtly coerced into doing sexual acts that make her uncomfortable (or even hurt her). This is one reason why many escorts have to drink or take drugs before seeing clients, because they cannot see clients without numbing themselves. Being afraid to stand up for oneself or assert boundaries is, itself, traumatic for an escort.
  8. Escorts Don’t Like Review Culture. But since Escorts are essentially silenced from taking action, they sometimes are forced to participate in this toxic culture. Personally, I do not use escort forums, nor do I want to attract punter/hobbyist type of clients. However, when I was new to escorting many years back, I discovered these forums and read them out of curiosity. It was very depressing to see how fellow escorts were dehumanized on these forums.
  9. The punters description of an escort can be heavily skewed or inaccurate for a variety of reasons. Let’s look at an example of how an escort review could be completely biased and inaccurate:  Imagine a punter meets an escort and is attracted to her. Then he touches her roughly in ways that hurt her. The escort first tries to say sweetly, “Not there honey, and be gentle sweetie.” But the client keeps poking and prodding roughly, causing pain and discomfort. The escort gets upset and say, “Can you please stop doing that again. It hurts.” By this time, the escort is now in a sour mood and just wants this vile client to bust his nut. The escort feels like a sex toy, because this filthy client doesn’t respect her body nor comfort levels. At this point, the escort now has lost her sweet attitude because this client clearly feels entitled to her body, as if she is not human with emotions and feelings. He clearly has no idea how to be intimate or how to gently touch a woman. The client finishes and goes home. He gets home and writes a review on the escort. He felt insulted by the escorts “bitchy attitude”, so decides to write a manipulative review that isn’t necessarily bad, but it’s contains subtle ways to make the escort look bad. He tells his fellow punters, “She’s sexy, but doesn’t allow much and she has zero enthusiasm.” Then, to soothe his ego, he figures he should knock her down some more by inventing a physical flaw about her. The review leaves him feeling better about himself because he evened the “score-board” in his head because the escort did not exalt his existence. The reverse is also true where good reviews are often exaggerated (such as what happened to me once.)

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Help For Escorts Regarding Escort Review Forums

I was a teenager when I discovered escort review forums. I was fresh to the sex industry. For the most part, the clients I met, thankfully, were lovely and treated me exceptionally well. But when I saw escorts forums, I realized there was another breed of clients that were vile and shallow. I thought to myself, how come most of my clients don’t appear to be that way (like punters)? Later I realized that I don’t really see/attract punter-type of clients (except when I was totally new and naive — punter-types like naive “new” girls because they are easier to exploit).

When I discovered escort forums at a very young age, I actually got depressed from reading them. I was shocked how some men were extremely cruel, perverted, mean and shallow when it came to women. I was depressed because I yearned to be loved for my mind, for my soul — I was tired of being just “a body” or just “sexy” or “beautiful.” What I saw on escort forums was that a woman’s worth was extremely degraded — zero concern for the well being of sex workers. The women that “punters” idealized were typically women whom were cheaper bargains (in price), did the most risky work (ie: had no boundaries) and were willing to act robotic (have no personality, say yes to everything and never complain). Then to top it off, every “flaw” that a woman could have was highlighted and shamed. I was too young to realize that only SOME men were vile like this, but quickly learned that only “punter” types had this horrid, misogynistic and entitled mentality towards sex workers. Ironically, the few 3 or 4 reviews had in those days were all good. But they still made me uncomfortable, and as mentioned in this post, they were misleading and exaggerated. I did not want to participate in a forum that was viewing women in such shallow ways, nor did I want to see clients whom were active contributors to escorts forums. I decided to stay out of escort forums by not allowing reviews early on. I marketed myself in a way to attract a particular type of client who was seeking a more wholesome experience — and through the process of screening, an escort can hopefully weed out the unpleasant from the decent (though, not always, unfortunately). I hope most escorts can also boycott escort forums, but sadly these days many escorts are bullied into the review culture.

How should an escort process the escort review boards and punters? Remember that not all clients are punters. If possible, try not to market yourself to them (I know this not easy for many escorts). If that’s not possible, then be clear that you don’t accept reviews.

The things that punters say about escorts can be hurtful, humiliating (even if it’s ‘good’), embarrassing, traumatizing, dehumanizing and so on. Remember that how a person treats others is their character — what that means is if someone treats you a certain way or says cruel things to put you down, it has everything to do with THEM and not with you. Some people are filled with so much self-hate that they project it onto others — projection is well documented in psychology. They will also gaslight you into thinking YOU are a fault. Try your best to not take it personally. If someone tries to shame you for something shallow, OWN IT. Learn self-love and remember that wholesome people will accept/love you for whom you are as a human being. Furthermore, any “flaw” you are shamed for will be something another person will treasure and adore.

Toxic hobbyist in a nutshell: When a person cannot control you, they will try to control how others perceive you. This is a common tactic of oppressors and abusers.”

A sex worker forum on Reddit where Escorts express their dislike of Review Boards (Note: I don’t post on Reddit personally)

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Cases Where Escort Reviews Are Meaningful:

Unfortunately there are cases where an escort duo (another escort or her pimp) will rob a client. In any instances where there is danger, it is important that warnings are made about dangerous situations. This works for both escorts and clients — both need to warn others about dangerous situations.

My point of this post is stop the normalization of escort review forums. — it harms women by objectifying them in shallow ways — taking away the human experience of an escort. It ignores the struggles sex workers face from being in the sex trade (and from their personal lives). When women are harmed this way, it also in turn hurts men. How can women be loving and warm to men if they see a group of men who are complicit in their exploitation and dehumanization?

To my readers, what are you thoughts?

7 Comments

Filed under The Escorting Business

7 responses to “Escort Review Boards are Toxic & Dehumanizing

  1. Some Guy

    @Sahar,

    LMFAO! You must be the world’s greatest unintentional comedian. 😆 This is what I interpreted from your little post.

    “Waa, waa, Mommy! How dare customers not let my fellow hookers get away with incompetence?! Waa, waa!”

    So what if some escort reviews are biased or untrue? LOL! Information that’s biased or potentially false is STILL better than no information at all. I wouldn’t expect YOU to get that, though. You’re dumber than a headless monkey. 😆

    As a cautious consumer, I look out for MY OWN interests first and foremost. Don’t like it? Oh well. 😆

    Note to the public: If I don’t respond to Sahar within this comment thread, it’s ’cause I got banned, and that’s okay. I’ve said my piece, and I regret nothing.

    Note to Sahar: Maybe you won’t even make this comment public, and that’s okay with me too.

  2. John Smith

    Another very good post Sahar! I always enjoy reading your perspective. As I’ve alluded to before, I tend to notice the Madonna/Whore complex applied to men when you write. Clients are either wholesome or sociopaths. I did read your disclaimer that not all clients are bad, just some. So, I do know that you have a nuanced view. However, you later seem to lump almost all men who post reviews into the bad group—even when they write good things.

    I, like you, tend to enjoy writing about my experiences. Sometimes I put those on TER. Sometimes I don’t. But I usually write because sex often brings out intense emotions in me. It’s the reason sex often leads to someone being a muse. So, there is a reason to write other than for self validation. Having said that, I would not leave a review for a woman who asked me not to. That’s never happened to me. But, I’ve been asked, a number of times, to leave a review.

    Second, when I see a bad review, I just look at the other reviews the person left. Invariably, when I see an anomalously low rating, the rest of that client ratings are anomalously low. No reason to read it. I know the guy is a creep and can’t get along with women of any type. But, in general, if you see every score being high, I can usually expect a good experience. Then I see score that fluctuate and I know it’s a YMMV escort. From there, I know that it might be really good or not so good. And sometimes it is worth taking that chance—sometimes it’s the reason to see her if she appears to have a well developed personality.

    My reviews are a bit biased simply because I have usually left reviews about really good experiences or not so good experiences. I leave out the middle ground. I’m scrupulously honest about the facts. I usually leave out the flaws. And the opinions are usually very personal. If I like a women, I often believe she is incredibly beautiful even if, objectively, I realize others may hold their own opinions. I do genuinely find many different ages, body types, and other physical features beautiful when a woman plays them up with confidence. So, I tend to write for the escort rather than other clients.

    However, there is a value in reviews. As I mentioned, I’m into all kinds of women and definitely find the MILF body type and personality attractive. But, if I’m in the mood for a 20 year old, that’s what I want. So, let’s say that while age should be off limits in a review, blatant false advertising should be pointed out. I think it would be hard to disagree with that.

    Similarly, I like intimate sex. But, I’m often going to see an escort because my wife is not into kinky sex. So, I don’t want any woman to do anything she is uncomfortable with. But, at the same time, I’m often looking for a woman who is comfortable with kinky sex. For example, I once reached out to an escort who advertised in her add that she was into a certain sex act at her in call. When I contacted her, she said she no longer had an in call. I was fine with springing for a hotel. Then she wanted a premium since it was an outcall. I called it off. She responded that she didn’t need the premium. I still wasn’t interested since, just as you get a vibe during the screening, I get a vibe. She told me she would make it up to me and kept asking to meet. I agreed. She provided what I expected until it got to her “specialty.” She said she hated that. She wasn’t a blatant rip off. But, neither was she delivering as promised. I came to the conclusion that she must be a trafficked person and left no review at all since it might cause a problem for her. But, I’m sure it would have been helpful to other guys.

    For another example, I recently wanted to see an escort with small breasts. She was beautiful, older than her advertised age, small breast, and probably would have been happy watching a movie rather than having sex (and said so in so many words). And frankly I was kind of in that mood too. But, I can’t really justify spending $x to watch a movie in bed. I can do that at home any day. So, I would never post a bad review (and I would refer to her as a young lady if I post a review—which is completely true from my years of perspective). But, it would be dishonest to say she went above and beyond. I’m not getting even with her. I liked her and will probably see her next time she is in town. But, I really don’t think I can say she was passionate. She was loving and accommodating. “Fun time,” is probably accurate, but probably an insultingly low rating. So, in the end, I’ll probably never post a review.

    Another woman was probably less than an ideal beauty. But, she was authentic in so many ways. I would describe a vibe and she would dress exactly how I wanted (and surprise me at the same time). She was totally into kink. We had chemistry. She genuinely enjoyed our encounters (yes, I could tell—although to her, she was proud of being able to cast an illusion of glamour). She got a 10/10. I fell in love with her. And to this day, I will never forget the year I spent seeing her). And yes, I was eventually very jealous and never wanted her to see another guy again. But, she liked that review. And I left it up.

    But, most of the time, do I hope other guys don’t have fun with an escort I saw? I really don’t think about it one way or the other. But, I wasn’t born yesterday.

    How about this, put in your escort ad that you are looking for intimate encounters with no kinky stuff, that you are judgmental and dislike men who are creepy. I mean, you say all of this stuff on this blog. But, I doubt you say it in your ad (maybe you do).

    Bottom line, I write reviews. I’m not a sociopath. My hygiene is impeccable. And I do like kinky sex a lot of the time. That’s why I pay for it. And I want to get together with women who are into kinky sex. That’s why I read, and sometimes write, reviews.

    • escortdiary

      @John Smith,

      I tend to notice the Madonna/Whore complex applied to men when you write. Clients are either wholesome or sociopaths.

      I’m not sure where you got the idea that I paint clients as only two types — in fact in my “Types of Clients” post I have outlined several different clients (and only 1 or 2 of them in bad light)???

      I, like you, tend to enjoy writing about my experiences. Sometimes I put those on TER.

      Please do not equate my writing on this blog with your writings on an escort review board. You write reviews that have implications (good or bad) for a particular escort (and implications on how women are viewed as whole).

      However, there is a value in reviews. As I mentioned, I’m into all kinds of women and definitely find the MILF body type and personality attractive. But, if I’m in the mood for a 20 year old, that’s what I want. So, let’s say that while age should be off limits in a review, blatant false advertising should be pointed out. I think it would be hard to disagree with that.

      Value for WHOM exactly? You mention you are married and yet you seek a variety of escorts for sex. I feel so sorry for your wife. Does she know what you do? You claim not be a sociopath….yet how would your wife feel knowing you seek out random women constantly for “kinky” sex?

      But, most of the time, do I hope other guys don’t have fun with an escort I saw? I really don’t think about it one way or the other. But, I wasn’t born yesterday.

      You don’t care, because you actually do not truly connect with any of the women you meet. You like variety and that’s telling your character.

      Bottom line, I write reviews. I’m not a sociopath. My hygiene is impeccable. And I do like kinky sex a lot of the time. That’s why I pay for it. And I want to get together with women who are into kinky sex. That’s why I read, and sometimes write, reviews.

      Fair enough. However, you just don’t get it. You don’t understand why this is harming for women. You have no quarrels about rating women on scales, which shows you don’t have much empathy for the plight of sex workers (let alone women) and how that effects them in the long run. You just think about yourself, how it benefits you, and ignore all the criteria I have outlined about how reviews serve no wholesome benefit to both men and women.

      Good day.

      Sahar

      • John Smith

        Sahar,

        Artists have complained about literary, music, movie, and art critics for a long time now. They complain that the critic never exposes his or her soul to the world as the artist does, that the critic makes his way in life via heartless, soulless, in creative, risk free derivation.

        Politicians have complained that the press is out to get them, that it is unfair and that they were never given a chance. They see the press as twisting fact in an effort to sell paper and air time.

        Kings, queens, and movie stars complain about the invasive ness of the paparazzi.

        And yet all of these groups exist in a symbiotic relationship with their critics. Chefs, movie directors, book authors look to have their work reviewed in order to sell more. Politicians leak to the press. Movie stars court the paparazzi when their careers stall. They may hate their critiques and see them as both lecherous and without talent. But the critic does bring value to the artist.

        Just as importantly, the critic is relied upon by consumers to sift through a seemingly limitless supply of works. What do you want to watch when you visit Broadway for one night on vacation? Which museum has the best exhibits for out of town guests this weekend? At which restaurant do you want to spend $400 for dinner with your wife for your anniversary dinner?

        I get that sex is a very private and personal experience. But, when you put your ad up, you include photos of your body, you list the number of roses you want for a finite period of time, you at least imply that someone’s dreams will be fulfilled for that period of time. You have put yourself out their for public consumption.

        And, while you may be into intimacy, others may be into kink and non-intimate sex. It doesn’t mean that the person is incapable of intimacy or empathy. And, even when someone finds intimacy in sex difficult to achieve or lacks empathy in a given situation, it does not mean they are psychopaths, they they do not care about others in a difficult plight.

        And there is often heightened intimacy during non-traditional sex such as BDSM, group sex, polyamorous relationships, voyeurism and exhibitionism, anonymous sex. That’s not the case for everyone. But, for some people, looking into a new set of eyes without the baggage of context and enjoying them for who they are in that moment allows them complete self expression. It’s a wonderful experience for some.

        What always surprises me about seeing an escort is that I usually walk away with a desire to know them better and a concern for their long term well being. In other words, I pay for that boundary. I don’t want an ongoing emotional commitment. But, very often, that boundary is enforced by the escort. I become emotionally interested in them. For instance, this escort that implied that she wanted to just curl up and watch a movie seemed tired and lonely since she had just arrived from out of town to work fir an agency for a few days. If she said, “ Do you want to watch a movie with me?”, I would probably have thought about it for a moment and said sure, kept my clothes on, and kicked back to watch a movie with her. I had the time and, for some odd reason, wasn’t overly interested in sex that night. But it is her who would want my to pay for an extra hour. I get that this is her bread and butter and that she needs to be compensated. I’m just saying that the boundary would have been enforced by her. Of course, that could have been a faulty assumption. I never asked or offered to relax with her off hours with some genuine time to just relax and be ourselves. I get it, that boundary comes with the territory.

        But, here is my question for you: are you bothered by the fact that a client you are spending time with will have sex with another woman in the next few weeks? When you experience intimacy with a guy, do you build that level of emotional involvement. I admit that I often do. And it takes me a few hours or days for me to work through that—which I often do by writing. I pay for a lack of emotional involvement and yet two out of every three escorts, I walk away in some type of emotional turmoil about them. I may not have experienced intimacy with them, but I’m not expressing psychopathy or sociopathy toward them. I would say that I achieve some level of empathy with them. I find that both inconvenient and enriching at the same time.

        As for my wife, she doesn’t know. But, she often a suspects I think. She would be upset if she knew. But, I think it excites her when she suspects. And she says things that allude to this from time to time. We have been married for a while now. I think priorities become more nuanced as time passes. I don’t think it’s your place to pass judgement on that any more than I should be passing judgement on your choices. I say that thoughtfully and reflectively, not with any sense of indignation. You provoke a sense of self reflection in me Sahar. I appreciate this forum for discussion and have the greatest respect for you.

      • escortdiary

        @John Smith,

        Ultimately, you keep missing the bigger picture and all I hear from your ramblings is that you (1) Are only thinking about your own interests and (2) you do not understand that sex work is NOT comparable to the sale of fixed, static objects. Sex with a woman is not a fixed, static, finite “thing” — and that’s what makes sex work a unique phenomenon.

        Artists have complained about literary, music, movie, and art critics for a long time now. They complain that the critic never exposes his or her soul to the world as the artist does, that the critic makes his way in life via heartless, soulless, in creative, risk free derivation.

        Politicians have complained that the press is out to get them, that it is unfair and that they were never given a chance. They see the press as twisting fact in an effort to sell paper and air time.

        Kings, queens, and movie stars complain about the invasive ness of the paparazzi.

        And yet all of these groups exist in a symbiotic relationship with their critics. Chefs, movie directors, book authors look to have their work reviewed in order to sell more. Politicians leak to the press. Movie stars court the paparazzi when their careers stall. They may hate their critiques and see them as both lecherous and without talent. But the critic does bring value to the artist.

        Are all those professionals you mention having their bodies prodded and touched in the most sensitive and delicate areas? Are they traumatized by their work? Are they shunned from society? It’s not the same comparison, so your analogy is baseless — You simply don’t get it.

        Just because ANYTHING is open to review, does that mean everything should be reviewed? Should rapists form a website and review their rape victims? Because that’s more in line with what escort review forums are doing. The majority of the women being reviewed are NOT “happy-by-choice-hookers.” And if even if they were, escorts are NOT being empowered or uplifted by escort review forums. I am a woman who can enjoy my work and am still against escort forums as they promote the worst traits in masculinity (which has furthered the harm and exploitation of sex workers). Are you aware that sex workers (even the minority of “happy hookers”) sometimes have bad experiences where it feels like they were violated or raped? Money was the only thing that made it justified, yet they suffer trauma and fear from their experiences with some clients. Not only has the escort been harmed, but now that cowardly scary client can go on escort forums to do more harm.

        You seem to be a client who respects the escorts when you meet them — that’s YOU, but that does not extend to all “punters” on escort forums. You are contributing to forums that largely harm sex workers in ways you do not grasp. If you like writing about your sex encounters with escorts, then why does it have to be on dehumanizing forums? Why not write anonymously about your sexual life on your own platform using pseudonyms?

        But, here is my question for you: are you bothered by the fact that a client you are spending time with will have sex with another woman in the next few weeks? When you experience intimacy with a guy, do you build that level of emotional involvement. I admit that I often do. And it takes me a few hours or days for me to work through that—which I often do by writing. I pay for a lack of emotional involvement and yet two out of every three escorts, I walk away in some type of emotional turmoil about them. I may not have experienced intimacy with them, but I’m not expressing psychopathy or sociopathy toward them. I would say that I achieve some level of empathy with them. I find that both inconvenient and enriching at the same time.

        Those questions have nothing to do with the topic of escort forums and I don’t see your point in trying to show you have empathy for escorts. Anyway, life is a learning experience, so perhaps you are learning more about escorts by reading my blog and such.

        Since you only engage with other clients on review boards, you are only interacting with men like yourself (who view women as a means to their urges only). Men who are always on the hunt for new bodies constantly -like you have described yourself — is very telling of many things. Especially since you are married — you don’t care about going behind your wifes’ back and you have poor control over your impulses — what does that say about you? Indeed, I have clients who see other girls and that’s doesn’t bother me nor is my concern. With some, the sex is annoying or bad, so it makes sense why we cannot connect and it makes sense that they need to see others because there was nothing great about our experience. But not all clients are seeking new bodies constantly –nor are they on forums. Some clients just like to keep one girl — not all clients share the same motivations.

        As for my wife, she doesn’t know. But, she often a suspects I think. She would be upset if she knew. But, I think it excites her when she suspects.

        That is incredibly creepy to say it excites your wife to suspect you.

        I don’t think it’s your place to pass judgement on that any more than I should be passing judgement on your choices. I say that thoughtfully and reflectively, not with any sense of indignation. You provoke a sense of self reflection in me Sahar. I appreciate this forum for discussion and have the greatest respect for you.

        I didn’t choose to be a sex worker. Circumstances. A client’s motivations for buying sex versus a sex workers motivation to sell her bodies is not the same.

        Thank you for your engagement with my blog, and I hope you might “get it” one day. Let’s end the conversation here.

        -Sahar

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