An escort Punter (Hobbyist) = a male KAREN?
Dear readers, it has taken me several years to write this post. I imagine this post will get a lot of hate in escort forums, where people’s sole identities are tied to these toxic forums. Escort review forums are extremely dehumanizing for both men and women (it encourages toxic behavior for men’s interactions with women and detracts from a wholesome sense of intimacy). This post will break it down.
A select population of clients in the sex industry are punters (also known as Hobbyists), men who review escorts on public escort forum boards. They are the unpleasant type of clients as they degrade sex workers into very shallow criteria and ratings on scales. Essentially, punters see sex as something that can be standardized – that a sex worker has a menu that is static and can be applied to all clients. They don’t have the maturity to factor in that intimate sex is about chemistry, communication, among other things — they don’t realize that sex with an escort will always vary. Punters also do not realize that having a degradative mindset/attitude towards sex workers will actually work against them — no woman wants to feel intimate with a self-entitled, shallow creep. It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy.
In an ironic twist, a lurker to any escort review board will notice one thing: most punters’ biggest complaint about escorts is that the “service” (or sex) “felt mechanical.” Sex will be mechanical if you think escorts should offer sex in a standardized “set menu” manner! Sex should not be seen as a service. Sex cannot be pre-planned with a fixed menu that can be repeated uniformly with different bodies. Having a self-entitled attitude towards sex workers is not only a recipe for bad sex, but it’s toxic. Having sex for the intent of gloating about it online and seeking virtual “high fives” from fellow soulless entities is toxic.
In Short: Escort Review Boards are cesspools of false information, jilted lovers, jilted clients, one-sided BIASED and often false or exaggerated reviews, the site of shallowness and the dehumanization of women (and sex), and a meeting point for sociopathic, self-entitled clients (aka “Karen” clients with the “CuStOmEr iS RiGhT” attitude).
Disclaimer — this post is NOT about all clients. Clients are as diverse as any population and there are many lovely men who are patrons of escorts. This post is specifically talking about men who identify themselves as Punters, whom frequent/contribute to escort review boards. Not all clients are punters. This is also not talking about those who may only browse review boards.
Anyone can create a username and write whatever they want about you on an online escort forum. Have a psychotic, jilted former ex lover/stalker? Pissed off another escort, pimp or madame? Have an escort who is jealous of you? Did you stand up for yourself to an abusive, creepy client? Guess what, he/she can take revenge against you by writing negative things about on these escort review forums (under the guise of a so-called client). Even “good” reviews can be false, misleading or exaggerated (which I will speak about my experience later).
Getting a BAD Review as an Escort
A few months back, someone sent me a very harsh and harassing email (to my escorting email). They told me I was a scammer and I was a fraud. They also said I must be “old and fat” now. They claimed they saw me many years back. I was trying to think of whom I met and had a bad experience with? I could only think of a few instances where I met a client who was unreasonable and ghastly.
I have never received such a mean email before. Foolishly, I replied to that person something along the lines of, “I am sorry you are such a hateful person that you would email someone with such hurtful words.” I shouldn’t have engaged with them at all, and I should know that empathy doesn’t work with sociopaths. I wondered if this person was actually someone I had met, or was it someone who has a vendetta against escorts and just wants to spam them with hate?
So I thought back to any bad experiences I’ve had. I remembered there was one man who had the same name as the email. He was the only client who I told to “Fuck off” as I shut the door on him. This was perhaps eight years ago. Now that I realize he was/is a “punter”, it all makes sense to why I had such a bad experience with him.
This client was the first client who spoke to me degradingly during sex. I remember during our session, he was calling me “Slut” and “whore”. “You’re a little whore, aren’t you?” I was shocked as I never met men who would even dare call me such things. For me, I was used to clients treating me like a Queen. But despite that, I went along with his degradative role-play. Prior to sex, he brought his own condoms and set them aside beside the condoms I have. After the sex finished, he looked at the condom wrapper and noticed we had used my condoms instead of the ones he brought. He then completely shifted his mood from happy to sour. He then berated me and said, “I told you to use THESE condoms, that’s why I brought them.” Him, a late 40’s grown man huffing and puffing at a young girl in her early 20’s for using the wrong condom, only realizing AFTER he finished. Me, being an extreme people pleaser back then, apologized sincerely, “I am so sorry, I didn’t even realize it.” And it was true, I sincerely didn’t realize we used the wrong condoms. Furthermore, why was it a big deal which condoms we used since he didn’t even notice until after we finished? But instead, he turned sour and annoyed, and became pissed at me. I kept apologizing despite he was being unreasonable. I was shocked that this man could behave so awful and childishly over such a trivial issue and a clear mistake. Decent men would NEVER behave this way. While he was dressing, I was angry at myself for apologizing to him and continuing to be kind despite he turned into a disrespectful jerk (for lack of better words). So as he was leaving my home, I muttered, “Fuck off” as I shut my door. And that is the creation of a jilted client — who will then go on an ESCORT REVIEW BOARD to take revenge on escort (where a BIASED, one-sided story is told). An escort review board, where readers have no inclination of how disgusting, rude, creepy, abusive, or horrid the CLIENT BEHAVED.
Looking back, I wish I would have yelled right back at him and set him straight. But I was also scared, as most escorts are. Sex workers are extremely vulnerable in such instances. We have no protection, and furthermore where is our protection on escort review forums? Escorts are constantly dehumanized — yet no one is batting an eye. Now, I can look back and realized he, this “punter” client, was sociopathic bully. And furthermore, he is a complete coward to now email me more recently with harassing words and speak about me on an escort review board. I do not accept reviews but somehow last month my name was mentioned on an escort review board. He wrote some posts saying my service was bad (restrictive) and said how I am now in my 30’s in a derogatory sense.
What Do Reviews say about the AUTHOR (the Punter, the Reviewer)?
If you ever come across an escort review, ask yourself next time: what is this review telling me about the author?
A lesson on academic level critical thinking teaches one to not take writings as face value. Instead, a critical thinker/reader will always ask the following when reading something:
- Who is the author and what are their biases in relation to what they are writing?
- What are the politics of ones memory and how can it be distorted?
- What is the authors intent behind what they are writing?
- What does the authors’ writing tell you about the author themselves? (Ie: If a Punter degrades a woman because of her age, doesn’t it tell you that this person views a woman’s worth in shallow terms? If a person’s storytelling consists of bragging and boasting of their experiences, isn’t this an indication of low self esteem and attention seeking?
With regards to the jilted punter who contacted me recently, he is trying to soothe his wounded ego by speaking negative things about me, the escort. Me, barely standing up for myself and telling him to “fuck off,” wounded his ego. Nobody will know my story — an escort’s side is silenced. I feel thankful that I am able to not take his mean comments personally –being educated about anti-social personality disorders and the politics of storytelling taught me why hateful people behave this way. He’s an abusive person — sociopathic — and possibly narcissistic. Projecting his self hate by putting me down. What can be said about a person who dehumanizes women on online forums? What does it say about his character by attempting to shame me for my age and appearance? It tells me that he is a hateful, shallow and vile person. And that’s why I felt sorry for him at first — that he is filled with so much hate that he projects that onto other people.
Who is the Escort Review Punter?
*He has made a hobby out of meeting escorts and sharing his experiences with other men.
*He is the type of man who brags and boasts of his sexual experiences. Shallow boasting/bragging is the biggest indicator of low self-esteem and immaturity. It’s also a known cliche that those who show off are usually compensating for short-comings (Napoleon complex, penis insecurity issues, etc).
*He feels a need to tell his sexual escapades to a group of male buddies online to get “high fives” and an ego boost. In real life, he might be a loner, so logging online to escort review boards connects him with men like himself and gives a sense of community.
*He has “issues.” And because of these issues, he doesn’t have sex that is truly intimate, steamy and mutually fulfilling. His own personality prevents him from establishing genuine intimacy with a woman, so he is always on the prowl for new escorts since he cannot connect with women on an intimate, emotional level.
A great article that describes “11 Types of Emotionally Stunted Men” also describes a hobbyist: http://www.cnn.com/2010/LIVING/11/15/tf.emotional.men/index.html
Traits of “Hobbyist” Men who Review Escorts
- Potential Sociopath – A person who has little to zero empathy for the well being of sex workers.
- Emotionally Stunted/Immature – If a punter is not a sociopath, then he may simply be emotionally immature, socially awkward and/or have limited experience with women in everyday life. Just like anyone, some naive men want to belong, and when they join escort forums, they may feel like they found a sense of belonging with punters. The problem is, escort forum boards promote a very toxic ideal of masculinity, which can prevent men from making meaningful relationships with women.
- Coward – Have a REAL issue with an escort? Then, why not address it to her privately first so she can evaluate her practices? Gossiping, backbiting and doing it anonymously behind a screen makes one a coward, period.
- The, “I aM aN EnTiLTeD CuStOmEr” attitude. Punters are the male version of “Karen-who-needs-to-speak-to-the-manager.”
- Loner Misogynist – Find solace in other loner misogynists on the board (they all share common traits).
Getting a GOOD review as an Escort
I do not accept any reviews — even a “good” review is unwanted. Thankfully, most clients I’ve seen are not the type to write reviews, nor would they even want to . As a rule, decent men do not kiss and tell. As one client told me, “Why on earth would I want to tell other men about our intimacy! No way. I don’t want to share you with anyone.”
The best sexual experiences (intimacy) are NOT being shared on escort review forums. Simply put, a genuine man who has a beautiful, intimate experience with an escort does not have it in his character to go boast about it online — he wouldn’t want other men coming to her. A man who experienced passionate intimacy with an escort wouldn’t dream of writng about her in a way to entice more clients to meet her. If he’s crazy (not decent), he might even write a bad review on her as an attempt to keep her for himself! In essence, decent men do not engage in such a behavior nor have a ‘hobbyist’ mentality. A man who genuinely respects women will not be an active on escort forums
One reason why I do not want “good” reviews is because I do not want to come off as an escort with has a set menu that can be performed with all clients. How I am with one client differs from another client. I am upfront that my service literally depends on each situation — that’s because chemistry with each person differs.
Many years back when I worked in a high-end brothel overseas, I discovered someone had written a review about me. It was a ‘good’ review. But it was incredibly false and exaggerated. The punter likely thought I would never see the review since I wasn’t working in my home country. He went into details– saying my ….. was waxed (I never wax, I shave). He claimed he made me orgasm 3 times. His writing skills were very good and exceptional — it was written in the tone of an epic tale. But it was false. I was shocked because I don’t even fake orgasms, but I certainly did not go 3 times with him (I don’t think I came with him at all).
So thus, even good reviews are highly biased, debatable and political. They can be faked also. Furthermore, one can get a good review from a punter, then a bad review by the same punter if they felt slighted at the least. Once again, the reader is not hearing anything from the escorts side, nor do they know anything about the Hobbyist in terms of their behavior and hygiene.
Here is what you need to know when reading escort reviews:
- Escort Reviews are completely biased. In escort reviews, there is an absence of the other perspective (ie: the escorts perspective), which is essential to get a more accurate depiction of what actually happened. Sex between two people has two different perspectives. How accurate is a punters review of an escort when he is anonymous (his identity is hidden behind a computer screen)? How accurate is the review of an escort when we don’t know the INTENT of the writers goals (ie: he’s a scumbag who felt insulted and to make himself feel better, he writes an unflattering review on an escort with the INTENT to get a sense of revenge for his bruised ego — this is very common). How is the review accurate when we don’t know that the client’s annoying foreplay tactics and nasty body/hygiene caused the escort discomfort and made her disengage in the sexual experience?
- Seeing an escort is ALWAYS a gamble – There is a term YMMV (your mileage may vary). Clients need to be schooled that seeing an escort is always YMMV. Whenever seeing an escort, a man’s experience with her CANNOT be guaranteed to be the same as someone else who reviewed her.
- Details on the Client are Missing in reviews. We have no idea about the CLIENT and how his attitude, looks, hygiene, touch and other crucial aspects IMPACTED how the escort reacted. He is an anonymous person behind a computer — he might be a physically and emotionally repulsive man who is talented in the art of telling epic tales (lies). He might have the worst sex game (ie: how he behaves with women sexually), which makes an escort feel turned off. The point is, readers of escort reviews have ZERO indication of the client, which is crucial in understanding how a sexual encounter actually played out.
- Sex CANNOT be standardized into a SET MENU. Good sex is all about chemistry between two people (sexual energies that are aligned). Chemistry between two people is a phenomenon (like love) that cannot be premeditated or forced. Therefore, the entire notion of punters expecting pleasurable sex based on an escorts reviews or menu is completely invalid — there is absolutely NO way to guarantee good sex between two random people. A sex menu is not comparable to buying a meal from a set restaurant menu (but punters think it’s the same). If one thinks sex can be predictable and standardized, then they are a blatant fool and have NO idea what intimacy/chemistry is all about. The biggest irony that punters have is how they complain about escorts for being too “mechanical” or “lacking enthusiasm” — if anything, punters are INFLUENCING escorts to act mechanical when they ask escorts, “What’s on the menu?” Once again, clients need to realize that seeing an escort is a gamble in terms of making a good sexual connection, which is because, again chemistry is NOT something that can be premeditated. Furthermore, having a good experience with an escort also HEAVILY depends on the behaviour of the client. Some punters are overt or closeted misogynists — their experiences with escorts are a self fulfilling prophecy–— they have negative ideas about escorts (and women, generally), so when they meet an escort they give off a negative vibe that makes the escort less friendly and uncomfortable. In other words, if a client acts like a scum, he can’t expect an escort (or any woman) to be enthusiastic about spending time with him.
- Decent men are NOT profound reviewers of escorts for a variety of reasons. Decent men /clients do not seek egotistical validation by bragging or boasting about their sex life. The only time a decent man might review an escort is if the escort, herself, asked for one — he is reviewing to help her with good intentions. But again, decent men are not the type to engage on these forums generally. Genuine, passionate sex will not be found on a review board, because no man would want other men to get the chance to experience true intimacy with a woman.
- Many, MANY reviews are highly inaccurate, exaggerated, blatant lies, or even revengeful (ie: written by a jilted lover/client, who got rejected by an escort). Even jilted escorts/pimps/agencies sometimes pretend to be a client and write negative reviews on another escort out of envy, jealously or revenge.
- Escort Reviews Dehumanizes and Exploits Women – To quantify someone’s body parts or service on a scale of 1 to 10 is dehumanizing and shallow — is that all that matters about a woman? Is sex just about the physical? For shallow people, yes. For those whom are deep, sex is much more metaphysical, spiritual, intimate among other things. Escort reviews also work to bully escorts into compromising their comfort levels and boundaries. For example, an escort might feel uncomfortable with a client, but she fears to get a bad review, so she is subtly coerced into doing sexual acts that make her uncomfortable (or even hurt her). This is one reason why many escorts have to drink or take drugs before seeing clients, because they cannot see clients without numbing themselves. Being afraid to stand up for oneself or assert boundaries is, itself, traumatic for an escort.
- Escorts Don’t Like Review Culture. But since Escorts are essentially silenced from taking action, they sometimes are forced to participate in this toxic culture. Personally, I do not use escort forums, nor do I want to attract punter/hobbyist type of clients. However, when I was new to escorting many years back, I discovered these forums and read them out of curiosity. It was very depressing to see how fellow escorts were dehumanized on these forums.
- The punters description of an escort can be heavily skewed or inaccurate for a variety of reasons. Let’s look at an example of how an escort review could be completely biased and inaccurate: Imagine a punter meets an escort and is attracted to her. Then he touches her roughly in ways that hurt her. The escort first tries to say sweetly, “Not there honey, and be gentle sweetie.” But the client keeps poking and prodding roughly, causing pain and discomfort. The escort gets upset and say, “Can you please stop doing that again. It hurts.” By this time, the escort is now in a sour mood and just wants this vile client to bust his nut. The escort feels like a sex toy, because this filthy client doesn’t respect her body nor comfort levels. At this point, the escort now has lost her sweet attitude because this client clearly feels entitled to her body, as if she is not human with emotions and feelings. He clearly has no idea how to be intimate or how to gently touch a woman. The client finishes and goes home. He gets home and writes a review on the escort. He felt insulted by the escorts “bitchy attitude”, so decides to write a manipulative review that isn’t necessarily bad, but it’s contains subtle ways to make the escort look bad. He tells his fellow punters, “She’s sexy, but doesn’t allow much and she has zero enthusiasm.” Then, to soothe his ego, he figures he should knock her down some more by inventing a physical flaw about her. The review leaves him feeling better about himself because he evened the “score-board” in his head because the escort did not exalt his existence. The reverse is also true where good reviews are often exaggerated (such as what happened to me once.)
Help For Escorts Regarding Escort Review Forums
I was a teenager when I discovered escort review forums. I was fresh to the sex industry. For the most part, the clients I met, thankfully, were lovely and treated me exceptionally well. But when I saw escorts forums, I realized there was another breed of clients that were vile and shallow. I thought to myself, how come most of my clients don’t appear to be that way (like punters)? Later I realized that I don’t really see/attract punter-type of clients (except when I was totally new and naive — punter-types like naive “new” girls because they are easier to exploit).
When I discovered escort forums at a very young age, I actually got depressed from reading them. I was shocked how some men were extremely cruel, perverted, mean and shallow when it came to women. I was depressed because I yearned to be loved for my mind, for my soul — I was tired of being just “a body” or just “sexy” or “beautiful.” What I saw on escort forums was that a woman’s worth was extremely degraded — zero concern for the well being of sex workers. The women that “punters” idealized were typically women whom were cheaper bargains (in price), did the most risky work (ie: had no boundaries) and were willing to act robotic (have no personality, say yes to everything and never complain). Then to top it off, every “flaw” that a woman could have was highlighted and shamed. I was too young to realize that only SOME men were vile like this, but quickly learned that only “punter” types had this horrid, misogynistic and entitled mentality towards sex workers. Ironically, the few 3 or 4 reviews had in those days were all good. But they still made me uncomfortable, and as mentioned in this post, they were misleading and exaggerated. I did not want to participate in a forum that was viewing women in such shallow ways, nor did I want to see clients whom were active contributors to escorts forums. I decided to stay out of escort forums by not allowing reviews early on. I marketed myself in a way to attract a particular type of client who was seeking a more wholesome experience — and through the process of screening, an escort can hopefully weed out the unpleasant from the decent (though, not always, unfortunately). I hope most escorts can also boycott escort forums, but sadly these days many escorts are bullied into the review culture.
How should an escort process the escort review boards and punters? Remember that not all clients are punters. If possible, try not to market yourself to them (I know this not easy for many escorts). If that’s not possible, then be clear that you don’t accept reviews.
The things that punters say about escorts can be hurtful, humiliating (even if it’s ‘good’), embarrassing, traumatizing, dehumanizing and so on. Remember that how a person treats others is their character — what that means is if someone treats you a certain way or says cruel things to put you down, it has everything to do with THEM and not with you. Some people are filled with so much self-hate that they project it onto others — projection is well documented in psychology. They will also gaslight you into thinking YOU are a fault. Try your best to not take it personally. If someone tries to shame you for something shallow, OWN IT. Learn self-love and remember that wholesome people will accept/love you for whom you are as a human being. Furthermore, any “flaw” you are shamed for will be something another person will treasure and adore.
Toxic hobbyist in a nutshell: “When a person cannot control you, they will try to control how others perceive you. This is a common tactic of oppressors and abusers.”
Cases Where Escort Reviews Are Meaningful:
Unfortunately there are cases where an escort duo (another escort or her pimp) will rob a client. In any instances where there is danger, it is important that warnings are made about dangerous situations. This works for both escorts and clients — both need to warn others about dangerous situations.
My point of this post is stop the normalization of escort review forums. — it harms women by objectifying them in shallow ways — taking away the human experience of an escort. It ignores the struggles sex workers face from being in the sex trade (and from their personal lives). When women are harmed this way, it also in turn hurts men. How can women be loving and warm to men if they see a group of men who are complicit in their exploitation and dehumanization?
To my readers, what are you thoughts?