Vulnerable

The song below is truly deep and beautiful (and relatable for sex workers):

Shame – Summer Walker

In a perfect world
You’re understanding, I’m not a perfect girl
I would drop my fears at the door
I would only bring myself and nothing more
And you let me be, a woman
And you let me be, a flawed woman
You would yearn to hear all about my past
What I’ve done, what I’ve did and why
Hear all my sick thoughts
And if I needed to, I could cry
And you would catch my tears
You don’t wanna be nobody else’s place, no, aye, no
You don’t wanna be nobody else’s place, to hide from themselves

Shame
And I’m the one to blame

You see right through me
You see through the smile
You see straight through me
You push past the lies, oh
You got it baby
Oh, oh, oh

————————-

 

Such a subtle song, yet very deep for those who understand. The world is not perfect. It’s not easy to be vulnerable without fear of what may follow. It becomes exhausting to constantly put on a facade to impress others or to fit in with others. Deep down, we just want to be ourselves and be accepted for whom we truly are. Especially in the context of relationships (friends, family and lovers) — we want to be vulnerable and feel safe. As a sex worker, how easy it is for one to just lay out her past …just be herself (flaws and all)... without the fear of being judged, exploited, or rejected? How much do we have to keep inside?

*On a side note, I love of lot of Summer Walker’s songs: she get’s it. She, after all, used to be a stripper and apparently came from a troubled past. Her talent comes from her life experiences, which is why she is raw, erratic and unique. My favorite songs of hers are: “CPR,” and “Just Might.” You can sense the emotion in her voice. 

“Just Might be Hoe….”

“Love is a losing game, so I just might be a hoe.” In “Just Might,” I don’t think Summer’s intent is to promote being a “Hoe” but rather she is expressing the disappointments that love brought, so it appears to be more lucrative to focus on meeting men who pay her (rather than give love for free that always ended up hurting her). I have shared the same mindset myself — though, I would never wish upon other women to resort to sex work to heal a broken heart.

2 Comments

Filed under Emotional Aspects Related to Escorting, The Escorting Business

2 responses to “Vulnerable

  1. Candice

    Hi Sahar,

    Hope you’ve been keeping well. Just dropping by to say that I still visit your blog regularly and I hope you are safe and protected from everything that’s going on in the world right now.

    We don’t know each other in reality but this time last year, you took time and effort to write me a comforting post, and I’ll always thank you for that. It really meant so much to me, still brings a tear to my eye when I read it..

    Keeping you in my prayers always. ❤️

  2. It’s good to see that you’re still around. I feel you, even as a so called “normal” woman, and from a conservative background which means I have more protection, I am still very hardened from all the heartbreaks I have endured, and it made me become very materialistic, as well as vindictive, both traits that I’m not so proud of, but I guess it’s sort of a defense mechanism to protect myself and to bring justice through vengeance since the world is so wild and unfair, it chewed my heart raw when I still had the ability to trust and love a man. I feel that a woman’s love is so big that most men cannot carry it, this is why we were created to be caregivers for children who come from us.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s