Vulnerable

The song below is truly deep and beautiful (and relatable for sex workers):

Shame – Summer Walker

In a perfect world
You’re understanding, I’m not a perfect girl
I would drop my fears at the door
I would only bring myself and nothing more
And you let me be, a woman
And you let me be, a flawed woman
You would yearn to hear all about my past
What I’ve done, what I’ve did and why
Hear all my sick thoughts
And if I needed to, I could cry
And you would catch my tears
You don’t wanna be nobody else’s place, no, aye, no
You don’t wanna be nobody else’s place, to hide from themselves

Shame
And I’m the one to blame

You see right through me
You see through the smile
You see straight through me
You push past the lies, oh
You got it baby
Oh, oh, oh

————————-

 

Such a subtle song, yet very deep for those who understand. The world is not perfect. It’s not easy to be vulnerable without fear of what may follow. It becomes exhausting to constantly put on a facade to impress others or to fit in with others. Deep down, we just want to be ourselves and be accepted for whom we truly are. Especially in the context of relationships (friends, family and lovers) — we want to be vulnerable and feel safe. As a sex worker, how easy it is for one to just lay out her past …just be herself (flaws and all)... without the fear of being judged, exploited, or rejected? How much do we have to keep inside?

*On a side note, I love of lot of Summer Walker’s songs: she get’s it. She, after all, used to be a stripper and apparently came from a troubled past. Her talent comes from her life experiences, which is why she is raw, erratic and unique. My favorite songs of hers are: “CPR,” and “Just Might.” You can sense the emotion in her voice. 

“Just Might be Hoe….”

“Love is a losing game, so I just might be a hoe.” In “Just Might,” I don’t think Summer’s intent is to promote being a “Hoe” but rather she is expressing the disappointments that love brought, so it appears to be more lucrative to focus on meeting men who pay her (rather than give love for free that always ended up hurting her). I have shared the same mindset myself — though, I would never wish upon other women to resort to sex work to heal a broken heart.

6 Comments

Filed under Emotional Aspects Related to Escorting, The Escorting Business

6 responses to “Vulnerable

  1. Alex

    How did you think the life of escorting was going to end? Upper class, married life with kids? Men whom you would like to marry have many options. We take care of ourselves physically, earn or come from a lot of money, and have a reputation to uphold. Why choose you over the young virgin woman from a reputable family?

    You chose the materialistic life. It is cold and emotionless and practical. If you are not better than your competition, you will be replaced.

    But if you want love, maybe you should start first by loving a man who cannot offer much. The men who would like to marry you most likely don’t have much to offer and don’t have many options — and yet they are the type of men you don’t want to marry. If you are not willing to do that, why should a man look over your imperfections and baggages?

    • escortdiary

      Alex,

      From what you wrote, you imply:

      1. Prostitutes choose to join the sex industry, fully aware of what they are getting in to and fully aware of the consequences.
      2. A prostitutes “baggage” makes them less worthy as a human. They chose to have this baggage.
      3. All decent men are shallow who cannot see a woman as fully human.
      4. Prostitutes sell themselves for materialistic reasons.
      5. Being a prostitute means one is cold and emotionless.
      6. Prostitutes should stay in their lanes and should never have hope for anything beyond the undignified life they chose.

      Thank you for reminding myself and fellow prostitutes that we are not worthy of dignity. Shame women who in the sex industry, that’s the spirit!

  2. summer walker songs are nice and original. thanks for sharing. emailed you on 15 jul .do reply. keep healthy keep smiling

  3. Sssssssssghfh

    You know, women usually have the longer lever when it comes to Dating. While I don’t know how much your occupation impacts your relationship opportunities, you probably have dumped a lot of good men (no judgement there). You have been with hundreds or thousands of men and in the end the ones you have chosen, didn’t work out for you. Maybe, just maybe, could it be, that the whole situation has a lot to do with yourself?

  4. Candice

    Hi Sahar,

    Hope you’ve been keeping well. Just dropping by to say that I still visit your blog regularly and I hope you are safe and protected from everything that’s going on in the world right now.

    We don’t know each other in reality but this time last year, you took time and effort to write me a comforting post, and I’ll always thank you for that. It really meant so much to me, still brings a tear to my eye when I read it..

    Keeping you in my prayers always. ❤️

  5. It’s good to see that you’re still around. I feel you, even as a so called “normal” woman, and from a conservative background which means I have more protection, I am still very hardened from all the heartbreaks I have endured, and it made me become very materialistic, as well as vindictive, both traits that I’m not so proud of, but I guess it’s sort of a defense mechanism to protect myself and to bring justice through vengeance since the world is so wild and unfair, it chewed my heart raw when I still had the ability to trust and love a man. I feel that a woman’s love is so big that most men cannot carry it, this is why we were created to be caregivers for children who come from us.

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