Normal Men Don’t Marry Prostitutes – Who Will?

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A “normal” man is your everyday guy-next-door, with a relatively normal family, a normal job, normal hobbies and a normal set of friends/peers. This man will never marry a prostitute (knowingly, that is). Why? He is too busy to ponder deeply about prostitutes, or the plight of downtrodden people, generally. He would be afraid to be associated with people outside the realm of normal. He would be focused on keeping up appearances. He will be too concerned about what his family thinks. He would be too afraid of what others might say. This “normal” man is likely to be a “great” client to a prostitute, but he will never marry a prostitute. He may love her, lust for her and cheat on his wife with a prostitute, but he will never swim against the tide to give a prostitute the full dignity of marriage(**Mind you, not all prostitutes desire or want marriage at all, or with such a person**)

The only case where this “normal” man would marry a prostitute is if her past is unknown (kept a secret). Some prostitutes do hide their past and revert back into normative society.

Who Marries a Prostitute?

A prostitute will attract a lot of men whom are not good for her: weirdos, creeps. Men with unwholesome lifestyles and intentions (ie: swingers, players, pimps, predators/abusers). A prostitute should never associate with these sort of men (but sadly, prostitutes often do get in relations with such individuals due to being naive or getting ‘finessed’). Aside from the unwholesome, there are some decent men who marry prostitutes.

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Wajid Ali Shah (d. 1887), last ruler of Lucknow, married a courtesan.

 

There are good kinds of men who will marry a prostitute. But these kind of men are rare. They are rare because most people, generally, are too afraid to go against societal norms. It’s understandable — life is much easier when one sticks to what the majority does. After all, prostitutes are heavily stigmatized and hated by wider society. Only a man with an immensely solid self-esteem and high emotional intellect can overlook all the stigma and realize prostitute’s humanity.

The good man for a prostitute *might* be normal looking/acting. But deep down, he will be immensely unique. He will possess empathy for others. He is one who dismisses and/or critiques societal norms that negate wholeness or humanity. In other words, this kind of man is deep and highly moral. He may have been broken himself, which is why he has depth and a deeper understanding of life. He won’t care what society thinks (marrying a prostitute), because he knows the value of humanity over ego. He will fight to protect his beloved. Once again, he might look like one of the “normal” men with the conventional lifestyle, but deep down he is much more unconventional. Of course, a lot of prostitutes like myself are also quite “normal” acting, but are rather unconventional behind closed doors. 

Depiction of a “True Lover” in Film: Water (2005)

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Water (Director: Deepa Mehta, 2005) 

In the film Water (2005), the character Narayan, played by John Abraham, is the epitome of an empathetic, true lover. The character Narayan came from a “normal” upper class family. Compared to his peers, who could care less about the well-being of prostitutes and can easily reduce a prostitute to “she’s just a whore,” Narayan was different. He was disturbed by the inhumane, cruel norms within Indian society. Thus, he became an activist, and lived out his activism through action. He fell in love with a young widow, who was prostituting herself to survive. Despite he knew his Mother’s disapproval, he was confident in his decision to marry a widow (a deeply stigmatized “undesirable” woman for marriage in pre-Modern Hindu society). He was confident because he knew he was doing the right thing.

The most powerful part of the film is when Kalyani, the widowed prostitute, bares her soul and makes herself extremely vulnerable. Kaylani was expecting to be rejected for exposing herself (ie: loss of her physical beauty, and exposing herself as a stigmatized woman). But despite that,  Narayan looks at her and says, “I love you even more now,” and made preparations to marry her. His powerful action symbolized true love — a man who loves their beloved in any condition. He was swimming against the tide, and yet he remained determined. That scene always makes me cry, as such love is only imaginable.

Prostitutes Relationships with Drug Dealers & Gangsters 

Aside from creeps and good men, prostitutes commonly bond with men whom are involved in the underworld, or the illegal trade economy. These men are drug dealers, gang members, or are somehow involved in the black market economy. While a lot of gangster-type of men fall into the ‘creep’ category and are harmful for prostitutes, some of them, ironically, are actually caring, loving, protective and loyal. Class is also a factor — there are different classes of gangsters just as there are different classes of sex workers. For instance, some high class prostitutes associate with high ranking gangsters/mafia (I, personally, avoid mingling with such people due to lack of common interests).

Why do Prostitutes often form Relationships with Drug Dealers and Gangsters?

Both come from similar backgrounds of childhood neglect, broken homes, and/or poverty, etc. They find commonality and comfort in their shared experience of trauma and being ostracized (outcasted) from ‘polite’ society. Drug dealers and gangsters are less likely to care what society considers a “proper” wife, and this is because they have less family input into their lives or their families are less concerned about keeping up appearances. Vice versa. There are indeed a lot of scum who are drug dealers (ie: those who do it to floss (ego and fame), and/or ones who pimp and exploit women into the sex industry). But not all gangsters are the same — some are vehemently against that and are protective of women. The “good” gangsters are in the game due to circumstances, and they often want out of that life (very much like most prostitutes).

Over the years, I have occasionally come across these kind of men as clients. Strangely enough, I often felt chemistry or somewhat connected to clients whom were affiliated to the underworld (the kind whom are low-key, sophisticated and un-flashy). The ones I liked were generous and took pride in caring for and protecting women. They were also emotionally deep, and we had a lot in common in terms of struggles and coming from dysfunctional family backgrounds. One, in particular, that I connected with was a man who left the illegal life behind. He told me he had spent time in prison when he was younger and “foolish.” When he got out, he changed his ways and made a better life for himself. We spoke about our broken families and circumstances, and somehow, it made things more passionate. Something about pain is erotic — people who come from pain sometimes express their passion with more intensity. At the same time, anyone who has been through struggle is often dealing with un-healed trauma, which is hazardous for a healthy relationship. I purposely avoided getting serious with gangsters for this reason, but also because they were outside my Islamic criteria and personal interests.


 

Dear Readers: What is your take on this topic? Would you marry a prostitute? For Sex Workers, what sort of man would you marry? Are you married to a prostitute? Are you are prostitute who is married? Share your experience!

 

15 Comments

Filed under Facts About the Sex Industry, The Escorting Business

15 responses to “Normal Men Don’t Marry Prostitutes – Who Will?

  1. We live in an age of cowardice and mediocrity. Even “normal” girls are having a difficult time getting married, because sex and having children has become available outside of marriage.

    If a girl does not “conform” in any shape of form, she’s going to have a difficult time getting married.

    The question here is: Why do we want to get married? is it stemming out of fear of a lonely and ageing future? Whatever the motives are, We need to be brutally honest with ourselves. If they stem out of fear or any form of malice, then it will only be a hurdle and delay finding a good relationship/husband.

    Yes, I am human, and I’d like to build for the future. “Playing the field” eventually gets old, and one would like to experience deep intimacy and relating, with the willingness to accept the other the way the are.

    But, people nowadays are taking longer to grow out of “playing the field”. However, the pendulum swing law is still active, so they will come back with even more hunger for intimacy once their slumber is over.

    As for the non-conformists, the list of mates is far more limited, but it makes it easier, doesn’t it?

  2. John

    Would I marry a prostitute? Yes I would. I’ve been visiting local ladies for years and am open with all of them all about that fact. I would like to link up with a beautiful younger lady who would like to have a more normal life and become stable in the wealthier neighborhoods I was lucky to be born into, but who is a working girl due to lack of other opportunities.

    As a serious student of astrology its been fascinating to analyze horoscopes of about 90% of the ladies I’ve met. Almost all of them are quite willing to engage in that very peronal process. Few of them really believe in it , prior to seeing how well the astrology describes them. Its very fascinating and a big education about astrology to observe energies of all kinds between myself and the ladies I’ve met. I most always see very clear correlations, ie precise astrology correlations, it faithfully describe people and qualities of interactions between two people. Its a hoot. And its fun to see how the ladies are often changed by finding out these ways to understand themselve, manage parts of thier lives that seem mysterious to them. Its fun and a good way to make a new friend if not find a wife.

  3. Trevor

    Perhaps I am not a “normal” man, but if I found an amazing, caring, communicative woman who I connected with, I would certainly marry her if we fell in love together. I have never dated nor hired a prostitute, but I have met several and they have some things in common which would be important to understand in a relationship. For me the biggest things would be communication and affection.

    If she were to continue her career (and I understand she likely would because it’s hard to quit or change one’s identity), she would need to be upfront about it and honest with me about what she’s doing. She would also need to be careful and safe. If that means we have a house where she can work in a separate work room safe at home, that’s better in my view than working in different places every day. If she keeps her work identity a secret, we should share that secret together.

    She would also need to affectionate with me, because I am an affectionate person. She would need to be open to having a true relationship of equals and jaded or tired of men because of her job. Oh, and she would want to have 1-3 children together. 🙂

    Opposites attract and make the best couples. But both people in the relationship need to have similar goals.

  4. Tyrone

    “There are good kinds of men who will marry a prostitute… They are rare because most people, generally, are too afraid to go against societal norms.”

    Or maybe they’re not afraid of peer pressure. Maybe they’re just repulsed by the idea of marrying a hooker. Would you marry a man who sleeps with other women everyday?

    • escortdiary

      @Tyrone

      Thank you for expressing your view. Your mentality is expected and predictable. A lack of deeper understanding.

      Are all prostitutes the same and sleeping with men out of their own personal pleasure? No, that’s very rare.

      So it’s okay to sleep with a prostitute but one cannot consider her marriagable because she is ‘repulsive’? In other words, she is sub-human, but a perfect candidate to fuck and use?? Thanks for proving my point.

      You won’t get it.

      • Tyrone

        @Sawhore

        “Are all prostitutes the same and sleeping with men out of their own personal pleasure? No, that’s very rare.”

        True and irrelevant. Even if they get no pleasure from it, the point is that they do it, and most people won’t accept that in a spouse. You’re argument is even dumber than you.

        “So it’s okay to sleep with a prostitute but one cannot consider her marriagable because she is ‘repulsive’?”

        Sure, it’s a-okay. Nothing wrong with having standards, you bellend. It would also be okay for a woman to refuse to marry a man who visits prostitutes.

        “In other words, she is sub-human, but a perfect candidate to fuck and use??”

        Now, you’re just putting words in my mouth. Being undesirable for marriage =/= subhuman, and I never claimed it does.

        BTW, you avoided my question. Would YOU marry a man who sleeps with other women everyday? Let’s make this hypothetical man a male prostitute.

      • escortdiary

        @Tyrone

        Would I marry a man who was a male escort due to circumstances? Sure, if I loved him and he wanted to quit to live a simple life. Would I marry a player who sleeps with random women due to their own desire to sleep with random women – no. It’s not the same thing and you are trying to equate a prostitute with a male player. Of course, you cannot grasp the concept that prostitutes are NOT sleeping with random men for fun/pleasure.

        I enjoy your comments, as you keep proving my point. Props for the name calling. Lol

      • Tyrone

        @Sahar

        “Would I marry a man who was a male escort due to circumstances? Sure, if I loved him and he wanted to quit to live a simple life.”

        In other words, you would NOT marry a man who refuses to quit being an escort even though you yourself are an escort. Thanks for exposing your own hypocrisy, Sweet Cheeks. You actually proved my point about people (including you) not wanting their spouses to be escorts.

        “you are trying to equate a prostitute with a male player.”

        They may be different, but their actions are similar enough for people who reject one to also reject the other. Don’t believe me? Create an online poll; ask the participants if they’d marry an escort if there was no social stigma against it.

      • escortdiary

        @Tyrone

        I am speaking of a scenario of a prostitute getting married and being monogamous (ie: leaving the sex industry).

        No woman dreams to be a prostitute, nor does a man dream to marry one. But life happens. Women find themselves in sex work, and some men find themselves in love with a woman who happens to be a sex worker. It’s not premeditated, it just happens. A wholesome man realizes a woman is a human first, not just a prostitute.

        Why are you even on my blog? You give off the vibe that you were rejected/burned by a prostitute(s) and to make yourself feel better you now have some vendetta now against them.

      • Tyrone

        @Sahar

        “I am speaking of a scenario of a prostitute getting married and being monogamous (ie: leaving the sex industry).”

        My mistake is understandable since you didn’t make that part clear anywhere in your article. You’re still a big, fat hypocrite ’cause you wouldn’t marry a fellow escort (who’s still active).

        “Why are you even on my blog?”

        I came across your blog while searching for reasons NOT to become a hooker. My best friend wants to do some gay-for-pay, and I want to talk his ass out of it.

        “You give off the vibe that you were rejected/burned by a prostitute(s) and to make yourself feel better you now have some vendetta now against them.”

        Well, you give off the vibe that you should put on a blindfold and jump off the Grand Canyon.

      • escortdiary

        @Tyrone

        Comments from you are no longer welcomed. You commented under “skullz and guns” in a previous post and also told another commenter to kill themselves (which I deleted). Suicide is a very serious issue and to speak the way you have says everything about your soulless character.

  5. Candicelove

    Dear Sahar,

    Just wanna wish you Eid Murabak wherever you are in the world. 🙂

  6. Nuno

    I will! In fact we are getting married this coming Sunday. I would like to share with you more of our story. Can I write to you on escortdiaryblog@gmail.com? Cheers, Nuno.

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