Normal Men Don’t Marry Prostitutes – Who Will?

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A “normal” man is your everyday guy-next-door, with a relatively normal family, a normal job, normal hobbies and a normal set of friends/peers. This man will never marry a prostitute (knowingly, that is). Why? He is too busy to ponder deeply about prostitutes, or the plight of downtrodden people, generally. He would be afraid to be associated with people outside the realm of normal. He would be focused on keeping up appearances. He will be too concerned about what his family thinks. He would be too afraid of what others might say. This “normal” man is likely to be a “great” client to a prostitute, but he will never marry a prostitute. He may love her, lust for her and cheat on his wife with a prostitute, but he will never swim against the tide to give a prostitute the full dignity of marriage(**Mind you, not all prostitutes desire or want marriage at all, or with such a person**)

The only case where this “normal” man would marry a prostitute is if her past is unknown (kept a secret). Some prostitutes do hide their past and revert back into normative society.

Who Marries a Prostitute?

A prostitute will attract a lot of men whom are not good for her: weirdos, creeps. Men with unwholesome lifestyles and intentions (ie: swingers, players, pimps, predators/abusers). A prostitute should never associate with these sort of men (but sadly, prostitutes often do get in relations with such individuals due to being naive or getting ‘finessed’). Aside from the unwholesome, there are some decent men who marry prostitutes.

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Wajid Ali Shah (d. 1887), last ruler of Lucknow, married a courtesan.

 

There are good kinds of men who will marry a prostitute. But these kind of men are rare. They are rare because most people, generally, are too afraid to go against societal norms. It’s understandable — life is much easier when one sticks to what the majority does. After all, prostitutes are heavily stigmatized and hated by wider society. Only a man with an immensely solid self-esteem and high emotional intellect can overlook all the stigma and realize prostitute’s humanity.

The good man for a prostitute *might* be normal looking/acting. But deep down, he will be immensely unique. He will possess empathy for others. He is one who dismisses and/or critiques societal norms that negate wholeness or humanity. In other words, this kind of man is deep and highly moral. He may have been broken himself, which is why he has depth and a deeper understanding of life. He won’t care what society thinks (marrying a prostitute), because he knows the value of humanity over ego. He will fight to protect his beloved. Once again, he might look like one of the “normal” men with the conventional lifestyle, but deep down he is much more unconventional. Of course, a lot of prostitutes like myself are also quite “normal” acting, but are rather unconventional behind closed doors. 

Depiction of a “True Lover” in Film: Water (2005)

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Water (Director: Deepa Mehta, 2005) 

In the film Water (2005), the character Narayan, played by John Abraham, is the epitome of an empathetic, true lover. The character Narayan came from a “normal” upper class family. Compared to his peers, who could care less about the well-being of prostitutes and can easily reduce a prostitute to “she’s just a whore,” Narayan was different. He was disturbed by the inhumane, cruel norms within Indian society. Thus, he became an activist, and lived out his activism through action. He fell in love with a young widow, who was prostituting herself to survive. Despite he knew his Mother’s disapproval, he was confident in his decision to marry a widow (a deeply stigmatized “undesirable” woman for marriage in pre-Modern Hindu society). He was confident because he knew he was doing the right thing.

The most powerful part of the film is when Kalyani, the widowed prostitute, bares her soul and makes herself extremely vulnerable. Kaylani was expecting to be rejected for exposing herself (ie: loss of her physical beauty, and exposing herself as a stigmatized woman). But despite that,  Narayan looks at her and says, “I love you even more now,” and made preparations to marry her. His powerful action symbolized true love — a man who loves their beloved in any condition. He was swimming against the tide, and yet he remained determined. That scene always makes me cry, as such love is only imaginable.

Prostitutes Relationships with Drug Dealers & Gangsters 

Aside from creeps and good men, prostitutes commonly bond with men whom are involved in the underworld, or the illegal trade economy. These men are drug dealers, gang members, or are somehow involved in the black market economy. While a lot of gangster-type of men fall into the ‘creep’ category and are harmful for prostitutes, some of them, ironically, are actually caring, loving, protective and loyal. Class is also a factor — there are different classes of gangsters just as there are different classes of sex workers. For instance, some high class prostitutes associate with high ranking gangsters/mafia (I, personally, avoid mingling with such people due to lack of common interests).

Why do Prostitutes often form Relationships with Drug Dealers and Gangsters?

Both come from similar backgrounds of childhood neglect, broken homes, and/or poverty, etc. They find commonality and comfort in their shared experience of trauma and being ostracized (outcasted) from ‘polite’ society. Drug dealers and gangsters are less likely to care what society considers a “proper” wife, and this is because they have less family input into their lives or their families are less concerned about keeping up appearances. Vice versa. There are indeed a lot of scum who are drug dealers (ie: those who do it to floss (ego and fame), and/or ones who pimp and exploit women into the sex industry). But not all gangsters are the same — some are vehemently against that and are protective of women. The “good” gangsters are in the game due to circumstances, and they often want out of that life (very much like most prostitutes).

Over the years, I have occasionally come across these kind of men as clients. Strangely enough, I often felt chemistry or somewhat connected to clients whom were affiliated to the underworld (the kind whom are low-key, sophisticated and un-flashy). The ones I liked were generous and took pride in caring for and protecting women. They were also emotionally deep, and we had a lot in common in terms of struggles and coming from dysfunctional family backgrounds. One, in particular, that I connected with was a man who left the illegal life behind. He told me he had spent time in prison when he was younger and “foolish.” When he got out, he changed his ways and made a better life for himself. We spoke about our broken families and circumstances, and somehow, it made things more passionate. Something about pain is erotic — people who come from pain sometimes express their passion with more intensity. At the same time, anyone who has been through struggle is often dealing with un-healed trauma, which is hazardous for a healthy relationship. I purposely avoided getting serious with gangsters for this reason, but also because they were outside my Islamic criteria and personal interests.


 

Dear Readers: What is your take on this topic? Would you marry a prostitute? For Sex Workers, what sort of man would you marry? Are you married to a prostitute? Are you are prostitute who is married? Share your experience!

 

30 Comments

Filed under Facts About the Sex Industry, The Escorting Business

30 responses to “Normal Men Don’t Marry Prostitutes – Who Will?

  1. Mia

    This is so true. It’s extremely rare to find a guy who is okay with it. I used to date without telling the guy but I found someone who knows and he’s okay with it. Not talking about marriage. But just dating is harder for any sex worker.

  2. SeanB

    I am curious as to how one “entertains” a sugar daddy without venturing into prostitution. I mean, if you do not have “consensual sex” after he “pays you only for your time”, I imagine you would not get a lot of repeat business.
    Then again, my experience with marrying and divorcing one (finalized next month, thank God!) May or may not be typical. It’s a world that I honestly want no part of.

    • escortdiary

      @SeanB,

      Sugaring is the same thing as prostitution — just some people involved are delusional and in denial about this reality.

      • SeanB

        I agree. I am as far as this situation as my divorce permits. I. despise everything about prostitution and the women who engage it

  3. Elle

    Hello.

    I’m a sex worker, although I haven’t ventured into prostitution yet. I do erotic videos, chatting, and have entertained sugar daddies.

    When I met my boyfriend, I was just starting my camming career. I told him I was starting on a site, so he came to my chatroom and paid hundreds just to make my room score high, then politely left because he’s not a customer. It made me feel so happy that he supported me and trusted me to make my own life choices. I never asked him to do that for me.

    I love my boyfriend very much. Although he’s not a “gangster,” he did come from an abusive past and life on the street. When we spoke, I felt a very strong connection to him because we can understand each other’s pain, and his sense of humor is similar to mine.

    When I talk about pursuing more ‘risky’ things (such as dancing at dirty clubs or wanting to meet sugar daddies), he feels concerned for me, but he ultimately trusts my judgement. It makes me feel so much deep affection for him that he only wants the best for me.

    While he has not collared me yet, nor married me, I’m looking forward to it. I consider him my family. When we almost broke up before, while it was very emotional, we both made it clear we could never abandon one another. Even if our relationship doesn’t work out someday, I believe our genuine bond and respect for each other would lead to a good friendship. I’m happy to have somehow found, out of everyone in the world, someone to share life with no matter what path we take.

    • escortdiary

      Dear Elle,

      Thank you for sharing your experience. I am glad to hear you have a supportive partner. A normal man should feel somewhat protective of you being in the sex industry — if he is too supportive, then I’d be worried he’s leaning towards a pimp or man with no moral grounding

      While he has not collared me yet, nor married me, I’m looking forward to it. I consider him my family. When we almost broke up before, while it was very emotional, we both made it clear we could never abandon one another. Even if our relationship doesn’t work out someday, I believe our genuine bond and respect for each other would lead to a good friendship. I’m happy to have somehow found, out of everyone in the world, someone to share life with no matter what path we take.

      If you are looking forward to being married to this man, then you need to put him on that shot clock. If you have been with him long enough, then what’s stopping him from marrying you? Don’t ever neglect your boundaries.

      Anyway, I wish you the best

      Love,
      Sahar

  4. Sean B.

    Oh boy. Would I marry a prostitute? Well, I have, and am mid divorce, and never would again.
    She and I met at my father’s funeral in 2016; I hadn’t been to my home neighborhood in years. She had moved to my old neighborhood and was already friends with the rest of my family. One of my brother’s wives would babysit her disabled son while she was “at work.” She also has her Master’s Degree, (I will not disclose her emphasis) She and I had a good rapport, but I never thought she’d be interested in me. The day after I met her, my brother’s were dying to tell me, “Dude, she’s a porn star and a hooker!” And they attempted to show me her porn sites online. I declined at the time, out of respect for her privacy, I felt it would be invasive.
    Over the years, we maintained social media contact, and had some great debates. I began to develop a crush on her, but didn’t want to act on it. At some point, she announced that she was leaving the sex worker industry, and I was happy for her. Her game plan –so she said at the time–was to relocate to a certain state in the Northeast where she could have adequate affordable medical care for her son. Although that was ONE of her reasons for that location, her other reasons were apparent to me later.
    She began to approach me romantically, and I had split from a loveless marriage some 5 years earlier, and was flattered…..and gullible. Honestly, had she not indicated a desire to leave sex work, I would have friendzoned her and not given a thought to a relationship with her. But since she was retiring (so I thought) I was receptive to the idea. I was worried that jealousy until she retired would be a factor, and it indeed was. Although I thought I was being supportive of her when she was at work, I woukld drink when she was working to try to take my mind off what she was doing….no man in earth is OK with the thought of his woman having sex with another guy. This upset her, and she became less open about her job. Also, when she’d vent to me about an awful client experience (chugging urine, gagging/vomit) I would say things like, “Thank god its over soon, I hate that you go through that.” I thought I was being supportive by saying that, she’d get offended; saying I was invalidating her entire career.
    Still, we got engaged and planned a wedding and marriage. We had a major argument when she wanted to turn one more trick (so she said) after she retired I objected. She argued that “Turning tricks after I retire doesn’t make me any less retired.” (!) I argued that it means 100% that. We almost split then. She tearfully stated that she was coerced INTO sex work, and wanted to leave on her own terms. I caved in and looked the other way while she had sex with another man 20 days before our wedding. THAT was my fatal mistake. Once she saw that she could screw another man and that I would put up with it, she lost all respect for me as a man and began to treat me like dirt.
    The morning after our wedding, she began to insult me all day long and complain about literally everything I said and did. She began to withhold affection and sex. We moved across the country, my pets left in the care of my brother until we could get a doghouse (her plan was NEVER, I realized later). She began to make me feel unwelcome at home. She would complain to her fans, orbiters and flying monkeys on social media how “awful” I was. Within days, she removed every wedding picture from social media; photos of us as a family she would crop so that just she and her son in them, and treated me like an intruder.
    The meaner she acted, the harder I tried to be nice to ameliorate her nastiness and make her feel safe. I saw evidence that she did not delete her client contact info, and was reconnecting with clients in Boston, NYC and Philly. She only got worse (since she had no respect for me) I finally asked her if she regrets marrying me, she said she does regret and that she wants me to leave. So I left. On my way out, I did say things that could be perceived as insulting, as I was stinging from her actions, but they were true and she needed to hear them.
    Now throughout our relationship, she would tell horror stories of abuse from former partners. I believed her. The only real abuse I can see are self inflicted cuts on her left forearm and right upper thigh. (She even displayed them on facial abuse dot com) After I left, she began shitposting ME on social media, stating that I was violent and abusive to her. Since I know the truth, I now doubt all her stories, since she is now saying the same of ME.
    I spent 3 weeks visiting relatives and friends on my way back to Georgia, and saw a lawyer when I got home. The day after I got home, she served me with a restraining order (!) I sent her divorce papers, and am waiting to see what is next. Every few days, one of her orbiters, flying monkeys, fanboys sends me a message to yell at me for abusing her, but nothing is further from the truth. I likely damaged her ego by leaving when she asked me to. She even tried to have me SWATTED when she found out I was going to Fetcon. She has resumed sex work. She picked Vermont, because it is a low density prostitute state, she pointed out that only one or 2 SW are on eros dot com in Vermont. She is a soulless, evil narcissist.
    That is my experience dating and marrying a prostitute, and I will NEVER do so again.

    • Akbar Khan

      @ Sean B. It was an unfortunate but expected outcome. You can’t just ignore collective intelligence and opinion of millions of people for hundreds of years regarding prostitutes. Although, on the face of it, this might seem discriminatory but the harsh truth is itself a reality. There are strong reasons for normal men not to marry a prostitute. Prostitutes have a very high tendency to DERAIL in relationships and only their clients can possibly attempt a long-term marital relationship (if it ever succeeds). This is unfortunate, few escorts might be different but they do not represent the sizeable proportion. On the face of it, we have to respect the collective wisdom of society.

  5. Escorts

    I can relate to this blog entry. The love of my life ( now deceased ) was a big time gangster and infamous during his lifetime . He was completely different to what you read in the papers about him, but there was something about the connection you talk about and not fitting into mainstream polite society that does bind you.
    Great blog thank you. It made me go back in time.

  6. Brett

    Would I marry a prostitute? Yes I would if she was a professional one. The hookers who are street walkers with pimps would be a no. But a professional contracter yes. Why you ask? Well these women are the true independent women who have not been brainwashed in the corporate sector or government sector. They also have seen quite a bit in life with various men and clients and so have a better sense of reality with street smarts. Not saying a prostitute if retired can not do the jobs that I stated brainwash women but they are better grounded socially and have compassion for men who are truly good and assertive. Most Western women in america and Europe are hostile to men and divorce rape them for a variety of reasons because of the materialistic mentality that has posioned families socially. So yes I would marry a former professional escort. I would love her completely and be grateful for her experience that could make her a good wife to me. That’s my take am I wrong?

    • S.Crow

      Brett,

      I admire the positive and encouraging outlook expressed by your comment.

      I agree that many of the experiences female escorts have had during their work could benefit them in their roles as wives, should they choose such a role. Extensive knowledge and wisdom gained regarding the motivations of men should provide stability and be a source of comfort, well as a source of jealousy, for their husbands (every rose has its thorn?). After all, what are the odds that a young, handsome, wealthy man could lure a non-escort-experienced wife wife to cheat? A: relatively high. The odds that the same man could tempt a wife with escort experience? A: much less. The woman with escort experience knows that such men are a dime a dozen and what’s more, she’s had such men, and knows where to find more if she should want them..

      However you should consider one very important area of knowledge and experience that most (if not all) escorts have mastered: deception. The escorts I have known have all fabricated extensive and intricate webs of lies which they present to their loved ones, to hide the basic facts surrounding their lives. They don’t admit that they are escorts, but tell their families and friends that they work in some other job to explain the frequent traveling and income. They essentially live two separate lives. The one they present to the “normal” world and the one they present to the sex-industry world. And they lie to both worlds. Perhaps the only honest area in their lives exists within themselves.

      This behavior becomes a pattern, which can easily define and rule any person subject to it. And since this pattern has been effective and rewarding, it will be one that will be very difficult to change. Rigorous honesty, which many believe is required for a successful marriage, will be a challenge, IMHO.

  7. C Alan

    A simple question, but complex to answer. Firstly, the face that an escort presents to her client will not be her true self, it is part of the play acting that she does to please him. It hardly the basis for a true relationship.
    Assuming that hurdle has been overcome, and the man now sees the true person behind the escort, then he may wish to take the relationship further.
    The final step is whether the escort wishes to continue her work, and why. If it is purely for money, then she may at some time stop seeing clients. However, if it is to satisfy her sexual needs, then there could be problems for that relationship, especially id her man is of a jealous nature.
    As an older man, if I fell in love with an escort, I would not be bothered by the opinions of others. It is none of their business. There are a lot of women out there who play the field with many men, but do not need the money (apart from the odd gift). They are no different to an escort.

  8. jay j

    Can I reply.Yes I would marry my escort. I am not single but if we are ever available at the same time, I’m taking the chance. I’m a normal guy. 

    • escortdiary

      Hi Jay,

      Thanks for sharing. To be honest, most escorts are not interested in clients who they know are married.

      -Sahar

  9. We live in an age of cowardice and mediocrity. Even “normal” girls are having a difficult time getting married, because sex and having children has become available outside of marriage.

    If a girl does not “conform” in any shape of form, she’s going to have a difficult time getting married.

    The question here is: Why do we want to get married? is it stemming out of fear of a lonely and ageing future? Whatever the motives are, We need to be brutally honest with ourselves. If they stem out of fear or any form of malice, then it will only be a hurdle and delay finding a good relationship/husband.

    Yes, I am human, and I’d like to build for the future. “Playing the field” eventually gets old, and one would like to experience deep intimacy and relating, with the willingness to accept the other the way the are.

    But, people nowadays are taking longer to grow out of “playing the field”. However, the pendulum swing law is still active, so they will come back with even more hunger for intimacy once their slumber is over.

    As for the non-conformists, the list of mates is far more limited, but it makes it easier, doesn’t it?

  10. John

    Would I marry a prostitute? Yes I would. I’ve been visiting local ladies for years and am open with all of them all about that fact. I would like to link up with a beautiful younger lady who would like to have a more normal life and become stable in the wealthier neighborhoods I was lucky to be born into, but who is a working girl due to lack of other opportunities.

    As a serious student of astrology its been fascinating to analyze horoscopes of about 90% of the ladies I’ve met. Almost all of them are quite willing to engage in that very peronal process. Few of them really believe in it , prior to seeing how well the astrology describes them. Its very fascinating and a big education about astrology to observe energies of all kinds between myself and the ladies I’ve met. I most always see very clear correlations, ie precise astrology correlations, it faithfully describe people and qualities of interactions between two people. Its a hoot. And its fun to see how the ladies are often changed by finding out these ways to understand themselve, manage parts of thier lives that seem mysterious to them. Its fun and a good way to make a new friend if not find a wife.

  11. Trevor

    Perhaps I am not a “normal” man, but if I found an amazing, caring, communicative woman who I connected with, I would certainly marry her if we fell in love together. I have never dated nor hired a prostitute, but I have met several and they have some things in common which would be important to understand in a relationship. For me the biggest things would be communication and affection.

    If she were to continue her career (and I understand she likely would because it’s hard to quit or change one’s identity), she would need to be upfront about it and honest with me about what she’s doing. She would also need to be careful and safe. If that means we have a house where she can work in a separate work room safe at home, that’s better in my view than working in different places every day. If she keeps her work identity a secret, we should share that secret together.

    She would also need to affectionate with me, because I am an affectionate person. She would need to be open to having a true relationship of equals and jaded or tired of men because of her job. Oh, and she would want to have 1-3 children together. 🙂

    Opposites attract and make the best couples. But both people in the relationship need to have similar goals.

  12. Tyrone

    “There are good kinds of men who will marry a prostitute… They are rare because most people, generally, are too afraid to go against societal norms.”

    Or maybe they’re not afraid of peer pressure. Maybe they’re just repulsed by the idea of marrying a hooker. Would you marry a man who sleeps with other women everyday?

    • escortdiary

      @Tyrone

      Thank you for expressing your view. Your mentality is expected and predictable. A lack of deeper understanding.

      Are all prostitutes the same and sleeping with men out of their own personal pleasure? No, that’s very rare.

      So it’s okay to sleep with a prostitute but one cannot consider her marriagable because she is ‘repulsive’? In other words, she is sub-human, but a perfect candidate to fuck and use?? Thanks for proving my point.

      You won’t get it.

      • Tyrone

        @Sawhore

        “Are all prostitutes the same and sleeping with men out of their own personal pleasure? No, that’s very rare.”

        True and irrelevant. Even if they get no pleasure from it, the point is that they do it, and most people won’t accept that in a spouse. You’re argument is even dumber than you.

        “So it’s okay to sleep with a prostitute but one cannot consider her marriagable because she is ‘repulsive’?”

        Sure, it’s a-okay. Nothing wrong with having standards, you bellend. It would also be okay for a woman to refuse to marry a man who visits prostitutes.

        “In other words, she is sub-human, but a perfect candidate to fuck and use??”

        Now, you’re just putting words in my mouth. Being undesirable for marriage =/= subhuman, and I never claimed it does.

        BTW, you avoided my question. Would YOU marry a man who sleeps with other women everyday? Let’s make this hypothetical man a male prostitute.

      • escortdiary

        @Tyrone

        Would I marry a man who was a male escort due to circumstances? Sure, if I loved him and he wanted to quit to live a simple life. Would I marry a player who sleeps with random women due to their own desire to sleep with random women – no. It’s not the same thing and you are trying to equate a prostitute with a male player. Of course, you cannot grasp the concept that prostitutes are NOT sleeping with random men for fun/pleasure.

        I enjoy your comments, as you keep proving my point. Props for the name calling. Lol

      • Tyrone

        @Sahar

        “Would I marry a man who was a male escort due to circumstances? Sure, if I loved him and he wanted to quit to live a simple life.”

        In other words, you would NOT marry a man who refuses to quit being an escort even though you yourself are an escort. Thanks for exposing your own hypocrisy, Sweet Cheeks. You actually proved my point about people (including you) not wanting their spouses to be escorts.

        “you are trying to equate a prostitute with a male player.”

        They may be different, but their actions are similar enough for people who reject one to also reject the other. Don’t believe me? Create an online poll; ask the participants if they’d marry an escort if there was no social stigma against it.

      • escortdiary

        @Tyrone

        I am speaking of a scenario of a prostitute getting married and being monogamous (ie: leaving the sex industry).

        No woman dreams to be a prostitute, nor does a man dream to marry one. But life happens. Women find themselves in sex work, and some men find themselves in love with a woman who happens to be a sex worker. It’s not premeditated, it just happens. A wholesome man realizes a woman is a human first, not just a prostitute.

        Why are you even on my blog? You give off the vibe that you were rejected/burned by a prostitute(s) and to make yourself feel better you now have some vendetta now against them.

      • Tyrone

        @Sahar

        “I am speaking of a scenario of a prostitute getting married and being monogamous (ie: leaving the sex industry).”

        My mistake is understandable since you didn’t make that part clear anywhere in your article. You’re still a big, fat hypocrite ’cause you wouldn’t marry a fellow escort (who’s still active).

        “Why are you even on my blog?”

        I came across your blog while searching for reasons NOT to become a hooker. My best friend wants to do some gay-for-pay, and I want to talk his ass out of it.

        “You give off the vibe that you were rejected/burned by a prostitute(s) and to make yourself feel better you now have some vendetta now against them.”

        Well, you give off the vibe that you should put on a blindfold and jump off the Grand Canyon.

      • escortdiary

        @Tyrone

        Comments from you are no longer welcomed. You commented under “skullz and guns” in a previous post and also told another commenter to kill themselves (which I deleted). Suicide is a very serious issue and to speak the way you have says everything about your soulless character.

  13. Candicelove

    Dear Sahar,

    Just wanna wish you Eid Murabak wherever you are in the world. 🙂

  14. Nuno

    I will! In fact we are getting married this coming Sunday. I would like to share with you more of our story. Can I write to you on escortdiaryblog@gmail.com? Cheers, Nuno.

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