Where Do Prostitutes Go for Comfort?

Clients come to prostitutes for a variety of reasons. Most come to escape the world, to get comfort, pleasure — to feel intimacy.

The Comfort of a Woman's Lap for a Man is a Haven

The heavenly comfort of resting on the lap of a nurturing woman…

 

Clients come to Comfort Women (prostitutes) to escape the harsh realities of daily life. For clients, prostitutes are appealing because we are (ideally) a soothing, pleasurable fantasy that men can retreat too at their convenience. For the most part, we dress up and act/behave our best while with clients.

For men whom have some money to spare, they have the option to pay for comfort with a prostitute. It is, for the most part, a one sided comfort that only benefits the client. And what about the prostitute? 

The reality is that most prostitutes do not have a healthy outlet to find comfort. Furthermore, most prostitutes do not derive pleasure/comfort from their encounters with clients. Most are, in fact, repulsed by intimacy with strange men (of course, they will conceal their displeasure). So for many years, I used to think about this: clients come to us for comfort, but..

Where do prostitutes go to escape the harsh realities of their lives?

The answer is: there is no safe haven or outlet that any prostitute can retreat too. As a result, most prostitutes escape and cope with life with very unhealthy habits: drugs, alcohol, excessive materialism, unhealthy relationships, seeking sexual attention from strangers to validate their self-worth. What prostitutes need is wholesome care/love. Wholesome love is the only thing that has the potential to soothe/comfort her (in the form of family, friends or spouse — and above all, spirituality (Allah, for me, as a Muslim). Love, however, is not something that can be purchased nor easily attained. Moreover, love can be something so strange and conflicting for a prostitute. It’s not easy to welcome love into one’s life or even give love when one comes from a traumatic past or is experiencing PTSD (something most prostitutes endure knowingly or not).

A Problem With No Solution

Society did not make a wholesome outlet nor alternative for prostitutes. Instead, we are silenced and often have no one to listen to us. Even if there was an outlet, we often fear to disclose our personal thoughts. We know society jokes about how “hoes” ain’t worthy of respect, we know society shuns us. We know that if we make one mistake, it will be thrown back into our face that we are simply just whores. In essence, we have no wholesome place to go for comfort. Love is the only outlet that can soothe us, yet ironically, a prostitute is very much a fool to hope or dream for love.

Sex as a Coping Mechanism?

IMG_0017

In my personal experience (which is definitely not the experience of most prostitutes), I also adopted unhealthy coping mechanisms. Physical intimacy, as one example, became my escape from the realities of life. Intimacy and passion seemed to make all the stresses of the world minimize. Although I stay away from drugs and alcohol, my erotic coping mechanisms were not much better. I had a very poor sense of discipline and limits. I am now understanding and applying the value of discipline. I have come to realize that an undisciplined life based off one’s desires/passions comes with negative consequences. Let’s not forget that many clients who seek to escape with prostitutes, for instance, are often married and thereby harming the well-being of their spouse. A brilliant quote has stuck with me as I grow older and am making more sense of the world:

“The exhaustion of the passions is the beginning of wisdom”

-Lost Horizon, 1937, James Hilton

 

———————————–

Bless The Hearts of Good Clients

A reader of mine is adamant that all men who see prostitutes are inherently bad. This is not true. I could never say all clients are X — there is too much diversity in clients. Not all clients want to just fuck a woman like an object and go ‘high-five’ their soulless peers after. Yes, there are a lot of soulless, perverted men who are clients of prostitutes. Yet there are also ones with genuine souls.

Good clients are ones who have empathy. They think about the well being of prostitutes. Rather than just take take take, they want to understand, give and act respectful. These are the clients who adore the escort they see, whom put her comfort and dignity above everything — who don’t just see her as a sexual object. Yes, some even literally bow at her feet in servitude. For me, I feel grateful I have known many kind-hearted clients who literally serviced me, and allowed me to escape and relax — they massaged me, they listened to me, they comforted me. So indeed, in some cases, the feeling of escapism can be mutual with clients.

Comfort-Massage

Traumatic events, by definition, overwhelm our ability to cope

-Susan Pease Banitt (The Trauma Toolkit)

Dear Prostitutes & Readers: What Comforts You? How do you Cope? What do you think could help you?

18 Comments

Filed under Emotional Aspects Related to Escorting, The Escorting Business, Types of Clients

18 responses to “Where Do Prostitutes Go for Comfort?

  1. Woodbine

    Dear Sahar,

    You seemed to have not allowed comments for this post
    “To Hope for Nothing, To Wish for Nothing,” October 21, 2018. https://exoticescortdiary.com/2018/10/21/hope-for-nothing-wish-for-nothing/ Please feel no obligation to make this public support for you is paramount. I’m not sure if I heard or understand the way you wanted to be known. Below is what came up for me when I read this post. Please to not be offended if I got it wrong. My intention was to offer you empathy and care not criticism or judgment I deeply apologize if you hear the latter.

    This post struck me as being sad and dark where as when I read other posts what comes up for me is your joy of love of life in all it’s peculiar and wonderful aspects. To read lots of your work is to read the work of beautiful and gracious person. I don’t mean physical beauty but that love of life that is within you.

    I also hear a thread about the difficulty you have in living a double life and the lack of support for the profession of granting emotional and sensual care to others. Additionally you speak like all of us regarding aspects of the past that make going forward both more or less joyful. I can only guess at how these manifest on the beauty god gave you to embrace and relish life. It is not your fault that there is anger, hostility, judgment, and violence that you encounter in every day acquaintances and with clients. These likely take a toll on you.

    I would imagine that it might be useful to give your self empathy for how close acquaintances and distant clients impact you – Useful to give them empathy for the pain they experience too. What you do and the pathways that you walk are truly amazing. Most people do not and can not walk in your shoes. Give your self empathy and courage to recognize how truly amazing you are. Is it hard to find grace and compassion? Sure, we all struggle with that. It is so easy to be judgmental and critically violent and so difficult to grant empathy even to one’s self.

    You are an amazing wonderful person full of and capable of beauty and joy. Give yourself empathy for both the joy and sorrow that is within you and around you, you amazing person – you.

  2. Oh goodness, there is just so much to say regarding this. We live in a selfish, newocapitalistic world where women are giving away themselves “for free” to complete strangers in one night stands and random encounters “just for fun”… it often makes me wonder if it decreased the demand for escorts in comparison to 30-50 years before. Now, this “fun” that these women are looking for is often a need for LOVE,validation, and something to make them feel alive, but unfortunately it often leaves them empty and discarded afterwards; I truly believe women were not designed this way.

    I find it very strange that this behavior is accepted -even encouraged- by society, while escorts (who I find to be much wiser in this scenario) are shunned and judged. I can’t help but to think that this version of “feminism” and sexual liberty was designed to strip women away from one of their ultimate powers; sex.

    Whether it’s a modern day woman or an escort, I feel that neither really has a place to go to when they are used and discarded. We live in an age where men have ZERO accountability for their actions, and people are just consuming each other.

    The narrative I just mentioned seems very patriarchal and polarized in favor to one side.

    Of course, in the case of the escort, you add this remorse, pain, and shame for being fooled and multiply it by 100 to get how she feels. She doesn’t have “girlfriends” to talk to unless they are in the industry, and keeping such a big secret takes a toll.

    So where do we, “normal” women go to for comfort? We have nowhere to go to either, sweet Sahar. Our best bet is to have preventive measures, such as putting any man who is “interested” under our acid test of scrutiny, and even then, we can still be mistaken and get hurt. What can I tell you? It’s tough out there.

    • AK

      @Diana Diamond
      Couldn’t agree more with you. However who’s to be blamed for this situation? Society, Men, Escorts or Women themselves?

      • Hello,

        I am not one to blame. Humanity goes through cycles of trial and error, and hopefuly it is an upward spiral.

        Sahar mentioned earlier that mainstream media is encouraging middle class women to get into prostitution to buy more designer items, and portraying it as a glamorous thing. There are many problems with this:

        1- they do not need the money, they are simply turning themselves into a product that wears or carries another product.

        2- It is NOT glamorous and as u can see in the blog, the emotional price is very dear.

        So what to do? I believe there should be much better legislations for prostitutes where they can be protected as much as possible and be treated fairly as humans, because there will always be a demand for this work by men who can’t have sex as easily and with availability like others (too old, ugly, special needs, lonely, wife refrains from sex…etc) . A lot of the pain they experience will be subdued this way.

        At the same time, even assuming that these regulations were applied, I don’t believe that this line of work should be encouraged.

        Meanwhile, women can truly be empowered by taking preventive measures from being used, and taking a hobby or passion to fill their lives so they won’t feel empty and need a man so much. This is difficult, because modern society’s individualism has alienated people behing concrete walls, but hopefully with enough willpower it is still do-able.

        Another thing women can do is to stop participating and believing in any victimizing role; this is true empowerment, not taking boxing or shooting like what is being advertised.

      • escortdiary

        @Diana Diamond

        Well said dear!

        At the same time, even assuming that these regulations were applied, I don’t believe that this line of work should be encouraged.

        Exactly. Unfortunately no matter what framework of law is used, the problems will be not be eradicated. The proactive (preventative) solution requires more economic equality and upholding/strengthening the family unit/morality (since broken families and economic hardship are the main factors to why women become sex workers).

        Another thing women can do is to stop participating and believing in any victimizing role; this is true empowerment, not taking boxing or shooting like what is being advertised.

        Well said. Exactly. A rose can still grow from the gutter.

        Thank you so much for your well spoken contribution dear Diana

        With love,
        Sahar

      • escortdiary

        @AK,

        I appreciate your comments and skepticism. But I ask you, how can you even consider blaming escorts or women in this situation?

    • escortdiary

      In Response to DianaDiamond:

      We live in a selfish, newocapitalistic world where women are giving away themselves “for free” to complete strangers in one night stands and random encounters “just for fun”… it often makes me wonder if it decreased the demand for escorts in comparison to 30-50 years before

      Absolutely! Women giving away sex easily has indeed cheapened the value of women. I have written a long draft about how the price of escorts is not rising in line with inflation — the market is flooded, and for most girls, sex work has become progressively more degraded as women have become more sexually “liberated.” Very sad reality. Society is messed up for allowing the brainwashing of women into being sexual objects. That’s why I despise feminism and the whole sexual revolution.

      Now, this “fun” that these women are looking for is often a need for LOVE,validation, and something to make them feel alive, but unfortunately it often leaves them empty and discarded afterwards; I truly believe women were not designed this way.

      Exactly. No woman wants sex for “fun” with people they are not connected too intimately — yet sadly, many women are doing it because they are confused, they want to be liked and accepted (because society has normalized and made it cool), and lastly, they are exposed to perverted, sociopathic men (not realizing that wholesome men exist who don’t objectify them). If any woman claims she likes random sex (regardless of getting paid or not), then her self-esteem has been harmed and she gets an ego-boost from feeling “wanted” by random sex (which ironically harms her more in the long term).

      Whether it’s a modern day woman or an escort, I feel that neither really has a place to go to when they are used and discarded. We live in an age where men have ZERO accountability for their actions, and people are just consuming each other.

      That’s why I, as Muslim, admire the Sharia laws mandated in Islam (where women are to be protected by men who understand the virtue of protecting their womenfolk). Under Sharia, the ‘pseudo-alpha’ males who ‘pumps and dumps’ women (essentially, a cowardly form of rape) would rightly be held accountable by being stoned to death. In medieval times, the point of harsh public floggings or executions was to instill FEAR into the populace, thus making crimes REDUCE due to the sheer fear of facing penalty. It was actually a very young girl on youtube, Amaani Noor, who pointed out the purpose of having harsh punishments. I will share the video, since it’s about her candid experience of being used and played: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pf5sZwOjp8Q&t=4s
      It’s refreshing that people are starting to wake up about the exploitation of people’s well-being.

      So where do we, “normal” women go to for comfort? We have nowhere to go to either, sweet Sahar. Our best bet is to have preventive measures, such as putting any man who is “interested” under our acid test of scrutiny, and even then, we can still be mistaken and get hurt. What can I tell you? It’s tough out there.

      I hear you. I am so thankful to hear your great words and wisdom dear.

      With love,
      Sahar

      • @escortdiary,
        This is the essence. Promiscuity amongst men and women is a real problem. Something the modern societies don’t dare to touch upon.
        At least not publically. Never understood why sex workers are punished in multiple (‘subtle’) ways, but non-sex workers aren’t punished at all.
        Why not restrict/punish all promiscuous behaviour?
        Not only women suffer from promiscuous behaviour, men also, methinks.
        Or what is your view on this?
        Promiscuity is an ugly aspect of society.
        However, Ignorance about sex should be batlled, yet, promiscuity shouldn’t be encouraged either.
        A healthy and knowledge based introduction to sex within the context of a longterm and safe commitment…well, that’s an utopia, I guess. 😦

      • escortdiary

        @Aphrodite,

        Thanks for sharing your thoughts dear. I agree!

        Yes it is indeed ironic how prostitutes are punished and ridiculed in derogatory ways as “whores.” Most prostitutes are not promiscuous in their personal lives (unless they are going through a naive phase or have low self-esteem and are doing it to gain a sense of worth by men). Nevertheless, most prostitutes are not having sex with multiple men out of their own free will nor due to a deep appetite for sex.

        Promiscuous men and women result from low self-esteem. It’s an ego trip and a game. Because promiscuity is hyped and ‘cool’ in pop culture, it may seem cool at first (especially for men). But just like women, men with sincere hearts will eventually realized the value of quality over quantity. Random sex with no intimacy has literally no appeal once its easily available to you. I have met men with lots of money who can afford to sleep with random beautiful women at their leisure, and yet in the end, what they crave is something real with one person (intimacy). The men who do desire promiscuity are men who don’t have much life experience and they are simply naive (ie: they have been brainwashed by pop culture). People will continue to fall for these false fantasies of promiscuity until they get immersed in it and see the lies/deception themselves.

        Anytime there is a dude in society who boasts about his harem of women or his conquests, it’s a clear indication that he is spiritually empty, he has a Napoleon complex (ie: short man/dick syndrome or ‘can’t fuck’ syndrome), and/or he is sociopath. Think: Floyd Mayweather, Hugh Hefner, Pseudo ‘Alpha’ Males, etc. The fact soulless people like them are celebrated and placed as ‘role models’ is by no mistake though. Western society loves to promote soulless celebrities or figures, as they influence people to adopt habits that will lead to moral decay.

        Western society promotes hedonism (ie: promiscuity, partying culture, etc). The reasoning behind this is because Western society doesn’t care about the well-being of its populace anymore. The West is a consumeristic culture, that worships money above all. It only cares about monetary profit and power. The best way to make consistent profit is to have consistent consumers. To do this, those in power work hard to make people unhappy, divided, addicted and weak (via very subtle and manipulative marketing/advertising). In essence, a weakened populace is more complicit and easier to control.

        Promiscuity is a great way to weaken the populace of a society. For instance, pumping porn in society works to weaken men, making them them sex-obsessed. This then results in the breaking apart of families, as some men will cheat (as porn is pushing them to be promiscuous). Another result can be the creation of perverts who have internalize that women are just sexual objects — so they use women for sex and discard them after. The result are unhappy, depressed women, who then often cope by spending money on clothes, makeup, or plastic surgery to feel better about themselves (because society has told them this will make them worthy). Or they might cope by drinking, doing drugs (again, weakening them and make them addicts). This eventually backfires on decent men, because eventually women who have been harmed may become petty and heartless (and some start manipulating and using men as revenge, vice versa). It’s pretty messed up. But….one just has to keep their head up, be aware and understand that goodness still exists amidst this filth.

        With Love,
        Sahar

      • Also, promisuity degrades the value of truly sensual woman, who truly love the art of touch and intimacy.

  3. From my experiences with sensual massage, I would say it is probably easier for a woman to derive satisfaction when she is giving in a fetish or massage scenario where she is not being penetrated, as less intimacy is present. In those contexts, a woman can artfully hold space for sensual expression without feeling invaded. It is understandable that escort work may be much more difficult.
    As a massage therapist, I find my greatest comfort comes from receiving massage. This is where I can let go and enter my most connected meditative state. For some reason, I have a tendency to channel all of my emotional needs into a desire for loving touch. This may come in the form of massage or cuddles; however for me a good massage is as good, if not better, than the best sex; I experience it as a transcendent sensual release. I’m probably one of few people who approaches the giving and receiving of sensual touch as a pathway to touch the divine realms.
    Like you I never looked to drugs or alcohol for comfort. If there is anything I am addicted to, it is oxytocin from cuddling and bonding, and fantasies of love and union.
    I also seek comfort in food which has made me an amazing gourmet cook.
    Sending love Sahar 💕

    • escortdiary

      Dearest Pua Nani,

      Thank you for the lovely contribution.

      From my experiences with sensual massage, I would say it is probably easier for a woman to derive satisfaction when she is giving in a fetish or massage scenario where she is not being penetrated, as less intimacy is present.

      You are very much a sensual woman by nature, so it’s understandable how you can be satisfied by your intimate connections with others in massage. I am sure you are also seeing decent clientele who have a deep appreciation for your sensual nature/art. We are similar in this sense dear. But sadly, for the majority of other escorts (I know you are not an escort), this is truly not the case at all.

      As a massage therapist, I find my greatest comfort comes from receiving massage. This is where I can let go and enter my most connected meditative state. For some reason, I have a tendency to channel all of my emotional needs into a desire for loving touch. This may come in the form of massage or cuddles; however for me a good massage is as good, if not better, than the best sex; I experience it as a transcendent sensual release. I’m probably one of few people who approaches the giving and receiving of sensual touch as a pathway to touch the divine realms.

      That is lovely to hear — how beautiful; nothing better than finding joy in one’s talent/profession. I wish all massage therapists shared a passion for touch as you do <3. Indeed, the art of touch/intimacy has the potential to reach divine realms. What a glorious human phenomenon.

      Like you I never looked to drugs or alcohol for comfort. If there is anything I am addicted to, it is oxytocin from cuddling and bonding, and fantasies of love and union.
      I also seek comfort in food which has made me an amazing gourmet cook.

      You are a truly a remarkable woman who connected to the natural pleasures of life. That’s how it is supposed to be — the true pleasures of the world are natural, free and good for our body: bonding (sex, intimacy, companionship), food, warmth. Interestingly, people only start to do drugs and other harmful things when they are disconnected from the natural pleasures.

      With love,
      Sahar

  4. waldstern

    In my opinion and in my experience with prostitutes they get a lot satisfaction from their job. Not sexuell satisfaction, but satisfaction to make a man happy, to give him pleasure and let him feel intimacy.

    Specially when some fetish comes around, they got so much thankfulness from their clients. Some times the clients can feel, there is more between man and women, than the married life. The can be honest without fear to loose their face. The clients get the possibility to feel the true connection and get a clue, what is possible between man and women, they learn something and receive something about connection and the healing of an embrace, without being a distressed man, to be the problem of the world as some feminists say. They get the experience that their sexuality is welcome, ok and has a right of existence. Is sacred and not evil.

    And the prostitute gets the fulfilment, that they create this. Some prostitutes told me, that this is a really great feeling.

    • escortdiary

      @Walstern,

      I don’t think you get the point that prostitutes do not disclose to their clients their emotional pain that comes from sex work.

      To say in a general sense that prostitutes get satisfaction from serving men is extremely incorrect and ignorant. Even though I personally enjoyed meeting some clients, I would never be foolish enough to say most other prostitutes share my attitude. The majority of escorts I met are harmed and traumatized by having to sleep with random men (hence why they need to drink or do drugs to cope).

      It is traumatizing for most prostitutes to touch, be groped and be close to men they do not desire. You either have experience with the rare escort who enjoys intimacy, or you cannot understand that most escorts are hiding their sorrows (to be more appealing to clients).

      -Sahar

      • waldstern

        My experience was a few years ago and with more kinky orientated escort ladies. That wasn’t only sexual intercourse, more a good time with a paid fetish orientated girlfriend. It may be different from your business.

        Sex for money can be authentic and fulfilling. Look, I know prostitutes, they told me, I have a good time, I had a marriage without sex, where I haven’t felt my femaleness and now, I work in a brothel and I love it.

        But everyone has a different story and for you as a Muslima, a woman which has to wear a headscarf and isn’t allowed to drive a car and so one, is a job as a prostitute doubtless another issue.

        Sorry, I don’t want to disesteem you.

      • escortdiary

        @Waldstern,

        My experience was a few years ago and with more kinky orientated escort ladies. That wasn’t only sexual intercourse, more a good time with a paid fetish orientated girlfriend. It may be different from your business.

        I consider myself more towards the kink/dominatrix persona. Yes, kink oriented women (aka Dominatrixes) are often very intelligent women in the sense that they have taken total power into their hands with clients — still, these women do not at all represent the majority of escorts. Nor does it imply that kink women are fulfilled/not harmed by their involvement in the sex industry.

        Sex for money can be authentic and fulfilling. Look, I know prostitutes, they told me,

        From whose perspective? Sure it can be fulfilling in a context where there is no better solution, but please don’t try to tell me that prostitutes, in a general sense, are feeling fulfilled in any wholesome sense by having sex with random men.

        I work in a brothel and I love it.

        Ah, it makes sense now. You work in the industry and therefore are trying to attract clients to your business. Biased, indeed.

        for you as a Muslima, a woman which has to wear a headscarf and isn’t allowed to drive a car and so one, is a job as a prostitute doubtless

        ????????

        -Sahar

      • waldstern

        Thanks a lot for your answer.

        No, I don’t wok in a brothel. I know woman, who told me, „I work in a brothel and love it“.

        I agree with you, that the work of a kinky lady is an other thing. A dominatrix is more like a woman which understand men.

        I cannot evaluate, whether the job as a dominatrix is a better paid job, as a normal prostitute. You have to consider, that after the fifty shades many woman start with the thinking of doing some kinky sex.

        As some example for prostitutes I could refer to Ilan Stephanie (sorry only in german).
        https://www.kalis-kuss.de/forschungskoerper/liebundteuer

        She wrote„ Prostitution is a mirror of the truth, therefore i love it.“

        Or take a look to Susan winemaker.
        https://www.amazon.com/Susan-Winemaker/e/B0034ONO3E

        In her book she wrote some something about the job of a dominatrix and a prostitute.

        Regards

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