One-sided Love: When a Client Falls for an Escort

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The first client to profess serious love for me in terms of getting married was about 9 years ago. Let’s call him James. This took place when I lived overseas. Back then, I was a very young lady who did not fully understand how critical matters of the heart were. I had met this client James once, and then unknowingly I made such an impression that he very quickly became a frequent and generous regular client. He was very easy going, kind hearted and generous — so I quickly began to enjoy his company as a client. Since he came to see me so frequently, I eventually became comfortable to go out with him publicly. We started going to dinners and theatrical shows together. To me, James was just a client and a lovely guy who’s company was joyful — but nothing more. But for him, it was much more. I was young and oblivious, however, to his intentions. It did not occur to me until later that he was spoiling me with the hopes of winning my heart.

During this time, I had also met my ex-fiance as a client. My ex, however, was someone I truly felt connected too — and very quickly we became a couple and then started living together. Once my ex and I started living together, I cut off all non-business communication with James. And very quickly, I decided to abruptly end business relations with him too. I was occupied with my ex, so I felt seeing James was too much time and effort. It was at this point, I was shocked to discover the hurt I, unknowingly, inflicted upon James — James had the idea that I was growing closer to him and we would settle together. He started showing up at my home or at the brothel I worked at, waiting for me. I was startled and shocked, because I had zero feelings for him and only considered him like any other client –the only exception was that I was closer to him as a client because I saw him so frequently. James had the best of intentions, but he mistook my kindness for something serious, which made him panic when I suddenly dropped him. It was my fault for failing to outline my intentions towards him. Looking back in retrospect, I should have taken cues of his desire for me — and moreover, I should have stated early on how I was not interested in anything beyond a client-escort relationship. But again, I was young and knew nothing about matters of the heart, so I was innocently unaware. This was a huge learning lesson for me, and a lesson I still have to apply until today: make your intentions clear from early on, and never play with someone’s heart. 

This example with James occurred when I was very young. I had no intention to mislead someone or play with their emotions whatsoever — it is my biggest fear until today to exploit someone’s heart. I have made mistakes and caused pain indeed. But I, too, know the pain of deception, so it would burn my heart to intentionally cheat someone. I was simply oblivious at my early days of escorting on how to deal with clients who became attached or fell in love.

And then the story of my ex-fiance and I — again, I was young and naive while I was with him. I did love him, but I was not sure of what I wanted through out our relationship. I was scared to settle down so young with him, and for this reason, I tried to leave him numerous times early on in our relationship. Out of love, I felt it was unfair to stay with him when my heart was not sure of what it wanted. But anytime I expressed my desire to leave him, I saw his eyes and felt like a Mother abandoning her child. This was my first true relation, so I did not know the rules or the consequences of love. Fast forward two years, I ended up leaving him. I was unsure of what I wanted throughout our entire relationship — I was poisoned with thoughts of the ‘grass being greener’ while with him. He dreamt of marriage and family, and I killed that dream for him. It was all unintentional. Only years later, once I faced rejection myself, I realized how dangerous love is when there is no structure or morality to guide it.

Now, the examples above shows how being oblivious and ignorant are part of being young. It is hoped that one will eventually learn empathy (the ability to consider the emotions of others) which distinguishes them from childhood into adulthood. Sadly, some people have no sense of empathy — they kill souls and feel no remorse. But others learn through trial and error. I had to be the neglecter and be neglected myself to learn the valuable lesson of empathy in love: don’t play with someones heart, don’t use someone, don’t make empty promises and more importantly, be clear with your intentions. 


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And so, there have been subsequent clients among the years who have expressed a one-sided admiration for me. And out of deep fear of hurting their dear hearts and inflicting them with pain that can be lethal, I have to hurt them with honesty…

Tonight, a client just left my home. He is reading this, as I felt comfortable to tell him about my blog. He is an all-round lovely, young man. Tonight, before he came to see me, he sent me two writing pieces he made about me. I read them. He wrote about me in the tone of love and admiration. But instead of feeling flattered, I felt concerned for his heart. Rather than applaud his efforts, I crushed his heart with the harsh tone of my bluntness: “I don’t feel the same.” He claims he has fallen in love — he wants to express it in all ways. Just moments ago, he sends me a photo of a cardboard cup that sits in the cupholder of his car. It was the cup I drank last week, filled with tea. The cup has a pink lipstick mark, my lipstick. He keeps the lipstick stained cup in his car as a memorabilia of me. And in his writings, he writes about how my scent stays with him after he leaves my home. He must have read those ‘scent’ posts on my blog, and he must think I feel the same way. Am I supposed to feel flattered? No, my dear. I am sad for you. Sad for the situation. I know my honesty hurts, and I don’t want to hurt you —  but honesty is my duty.

After learning from my past mistakes years ago, I have since become very blunt when I get an inkling that someone has feelings for me. Sometimes, regular clients confuse an escorts’ kindness for a deep, intimate connection. It is important for anyone to be true with their intentions with another –after all, one’s character is defined in how they treat others

So I said to him tonight, as I have numerous times in past meetings….”I don’t feel the same, I am not in love with you nor will I ever be.” This must confuse him, as my behavior with him seems otherwise. I understand his confusion. Yes, I can genuinely enjoy someones companionship, but that does not mean I desire them.

What worries me the most, and causes me to be more harsh, is his sense of hope for “us.” In his writings, he wrote his hope to eventually “win my heart.” So once again, I have to crush his hopes again and again, being firm and harsh — when will he understand? I tell him he must stop seeing me. Now, I feel bad for accepting his generosity. How can I feel comfortable taking his kind gestures when it means I am leading him to eventual heart ache? But I told early on, I have been honest. Yet he says I own his heart now — and I shout “I never asked for it!”

As an escort, I must be blunt, I cannot pretend to love a client to line my own pockets — that is heartless and apathetic.  I tell him that he has no choice but to accept the fact that I have no feelings for him outside a business relationship. And that doesn’t mean he is unworthy — not at all. He is too young to understand that sometimes unrequited love or losing someone is a blessing in disguise. I fear that he does not make this realization, but instead blames himself. It is not him who is lacking at all — he must learn a lesson that many need to learn: chemistry is not a choice. There is no such thing as one not being ‘good enough’ — no. There are reasons why people come together and why they part — it requires immense patience to see the spiritual importance of why people come into our lives, who remains and who departs.

I cannot exploit his heart. I cannot exploit his generosity to benefit myself without thinking of how this affects him. No. I have seen the abuse of love and its consequences. I have seen how love is falsely proclaimed when it’s simply a ploy for one’s selfish gain. I have seen suicide resulting from false promises of love. So much dishonesty masquerades with the label of ‘love’ and so many broken souls who once dreamed. This is the result of a society with no structure or morality  — I learnt the lesson long ago, do not play with hearts.

Final Remarks:

Despite I used the term ‘love’ in this post and past posts of mine, I have come to realize that there is no such thing as wholesome love without structure/guidance. I wrongly assumed that I experienced ‘true’ love in the past — but I no longer believe that was love. Perhaps at best, it was just a glimpse of love. There is no love unless it’s given the correct conduct that it deserves — love is a serious responsibility, not a toy to play with. But sadly, today, love is treated as something so casual, something to play with and discard once ‘bored’ — and alhamdulilah for Islam, because Islam makes awareness of the societal ills that result from the falsehood of unrestricted love. As a Muslim, I finally see how love is only granted when one follows the guidelines of Allah swt. Islam recognizes how love, when outside the responsibility of marriage, is often misused and leads to social chaos (fitna). For this reason, Islam prohibits the relations between men and women outside of marriage  — after all, sex without responsibility renders people being exploited, used, heartbroken or deceived (all things which Islam seeks to protect one from).

14 Comments

Filed under Emotional Aspects Related to Escorting, Questions for Escorts And Clients, Relationships

14 responses to “One-sided Love: When a Client Falls for an Escort

  1. Akirah

    you’re absolutely right when stated don’t play with someones heart, don’t use someone, don’t make empty promises and more importantly, be clear with your intentions. not a toy to play with. But sadly, today, love is treated as something so casual,

    recently I’ve had a provider Toy with me, use me for things as well empty promises in the end I knew it would be nothing but i shouldn’t of allowed it, since March 17 I’ve been trying to juggle the pain…. I love your diary this one will help me in many ways

  2. Lively Life

    what a good read. i learned something like this too. I was ruthless and reckless with mens hearts when i was younger- i never had my heart broken. two years ago i did and ever since then I do my best to outline my intentions and it is difficult a lot of the times when i am so used to pleasing people and enjoying the attention that flirting or stringing someone along does. but in no way will that sit right in my heart now and i am thankful for that. it will only create the best of relationships when i am upfront and honest with first myself , then vocalizing it to others.

  3. Akbar Khan

    Dear and Respectable Sahar
    Now a days I only end up reading your posts when some notification pops up. You deserve unconditional and absolute admiration from me for what you have written above. You might possibly be knowing how I think of prostitution as a business ring without judging individual workers. In the past I had gone through your blog in detail and reading your this post makes me feel happy……………happy for it has started reflecting the maturity of thought and clarity of concept. You had been very intellectual and sensitive in your past years too but I have felt a definite change. The single major thing which made me feel sad and which also was the reason for following your blog was your break-up with your fiance. You have your reasons and choices, you might possibly be oblivious to the certain things at that time because of your young age and inexperience, but when as a mature reader I read it, I really felt sad. With the addition of more years of experience you might possibly NOW UNDERSTAND my point better.
    Escorting and prostitution is not the best of professions, and the negative social and emotional fallout’s outweigh any potential benefits, and once you have experienced it first hand and have discovered that it is either a mirage or a downward spiral, you might partially agree with me. We can neither change the past nor go back in time, so the best contribution would be to go for a positive transformation, by letting vulnerable young women understand the dark side.
    All I have is a wish and desire that you (and us all) get best of both worlds. Amen
    Regards and Warm wishes
    Akbar

  4. This is a terrific and insightful post. All escorts should adhere to your principles, and clients should be wary of those who don’t.

  5. I’m happy to see a new post.
    Your honesty and introspection touch my heart deeply. It shows you’re a very intelligent woman, beyond the intellect and the physical.
    It used to matter to me you are an escort.
    Now I couldn’t care less.
    Again, I have to say I admire you deeply.
    You’ve been touched by unique life experiences but you decided to live throuh all experiences, the positive and the negative ones.
    You’re not perfect. But you have great wisdom.

  6. I wrote a post about love today too. Beautiful to hear your voice again, gorgeous Sahar xoxo

  7. John

    Dearest Sahar,
    I came across your website while I was trying to understand the feelings I have toward a beautiful and captivating prostitute. I have fallen in love with her. She does not feel the same way.
    I had been visiting her many times per week for maybe 4 months. We spent time together outside of a bedroom (dinners out, driving around town and simple things). She did not really want to be seen in public with me though. I didn’t understand it and still I don’t. She seemed to care about me, but never would she tell me so. I finally had to stop. It was simply too painful without love reciprocated. Yet my heart still aches. I want to continue seeing her, but I know it’s a path where pain will continue.
    Your writing here helps me to understand better, but still I want more. Will she ever feel love toward me? Does she even think of me?
    I lack the discipline to move on. And move on I should. But matters of my heart are so intense that moving on without a harsh rebuke of my love seems impossible. I doubt love from her will come; I just cannot seem to stop myself of this love.
    Thanks for your insight. I know better now, but still I love.

  8. Woodbine

    Dear Sahar,

    No one ever said sex work was easy or anything but work and with work as with pleasure and sex there are risks even if sex is work and work is pleasurable. It seems in this post you have explained a risk sex work can pose to both sides of the contract because the hormones produced by sex are attachment bonding agents. As you have grown in life as well as gained job experience to be able to enjoy and promote the social and sexual connection these intimate experiences bring to both you and your clients. Also you have grown in your awareness of other people, and how much we humans depend on each other even in contractual situations (student/teacher, doctor/patient etc) not to mention the close bonds of families, extended families, couples and parent child relationships.

    What a beautiful tribute this post is to the love you share with your clients and they with you. Even if it is for hire it’s apparent from your past writings and here that sexual connection and intimacy with other human beings is something you value with yourself and with clients. I’m guessing it works well as long as neither provider nor client are meeting their needs at the expense of the other. It is just as true with free love as it is in paid relationships or any connection between people or in community – needs met at another’s expense spells trouble for people and communities.

    All too often people equate sex with love, with a tight secure relationship bond, and that’s why people get married and later learn their bond was never as secure as their sexual infatuation. Love may simply mean to care for each other’s dignity, whereas a secure bond means we will be their whenever and however they call for us. “Can I be there when my mate needs me?” “Is my mate dependable to the there for me?”

    I’m guessing, Sahar, you are saying people can have perfectly wonderful sex for hire relationships, meeting each other’s needs sharing and holding each other’s dignity with care and have no relationship bond at all – secure or otherwise. In other words, Sahar, presumably you might have been meeting you needs for shelter, food, (AKA income a living wage), order, independence, security, space, community, and spontaneity as well as intimacy, connection, to know and be known, and yes enjoyed experiencing the sexual pleasure of a client and perhaps orgasm in your own body too. Normally clients would meet there needs for sex, connection, safety, order, independence, space, and spontaneity etc. In this case the client is increasingly meeting at your expense his needs for romantic love (AKA secure tightly bonded relationship) trust, to matter, belonging, acceptance, mutuality, etc.

    Let all know – How wonderfully they are both speaking so clearly about meeting there own needs. In doing so it appears they are attempting to protect not only each other’s dignity but their own as neither he nor she seems to desire carrying-on meeting their own needs at the other’s expense. Sahar, as you point out you could play along and take his money as well as his dignity. He could also have taken your dignity by not being blunt by now saying he was now coming for a loving bonded relationship, instead of sex for money. Or simply demand now buying a bonded relationship, he didn’t.

    So the hart of the whore is not cold or cruel it loves just as the hart of the client’s is not narcissistic or cruel. The boldness with which they both speak should lead them both to believe that in order to preserve their love and dignity they can not continue to meet their needs at the other’s expense. It very likely means doing what they have done in the past; live their own lives separately giving up their sex for hire or “free love” for that matter.

    Nothing cruel about that, it is the essence of love and admiration. Sorry, if both of you might share some pain as the realization you both intended no harm either to yourselves or to one another – just people in community attempting to meet your needs.

    Sahar, Thanks for sharing the story; we are all stronger and more understanding of the daily complexities of life in community.

  9. simi69

    Nice Article Sahar especially relating it to religious teachings of avoiding extra marital relations

  10. Michel

    great article 🙂

  11. hi sahar! great to see another blog post from you. I love what you have written. I’ve been watching expert Esther Perel on relationships and shes very insightful. youtube her i think you will find her insights very profound.

  12. Drake

    Hi, and thank you for making such an interesting and informative blog. I have a question related to this. Any insights would be greatly appreciated.

    There is an escort I’ve been seeing regularly and at the end of our time together (which I had already paid for) she asked me if I was hungry and wanted to get lunch. I was surprised because she was off the clock, but I happily said yes. We had lunch together and talked and had a good time. I really like her and would consider getting into a relationship but I’m not sure what her thoughts are on that.

    I plan to ask her next time but I was wondering if you had any insights into the situation beforehand. How common is it to invite a client to lunch, off the clock?

  13. Edward

    Hi Drake, this has happened to me a couple times also. It’s certainly possible that she has feelings for you because that does happen sometimes, but I would warn against reading too much into this. You should consider the fact that if she’s been doing this for any length of time and had lunch with you that she’s probably hung out with other clients off the clock as well. Often escorts can get quite lonely, is it possible she just sees you as a respectful person she can spend time with? You obviously know her line of work so you are someone she doesn’t have to hide from. Also, as someone who was in a relationship with an escort for two years and knew many others who were as well I can say that these relationships can be extremely difficult and usually don’t end well, so just be aware of that.

    • Drake

      Hi Edward, thanks. It’s certainly possible she hangs out with other clients and just sees me as a kind person to spend time with. There are other things she’s done too, besides lunch, that make me wonder, but I agree with everything you said. I’m fairly new to seeing escorts. She isn’t the first escort I’ve seen, but she is the first one I’ve seen regularly. I’m sure getting into a relationship can be difficult. Right now I’m just rolling with everything and we’ll see where it leads.

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