Clients: Why an Escort Refuses to Meet You Again

The other day I opened my door to an unfavorable surprise. I was expecting to meet a client whom I have never seen before. But to my dismay, it was a former client who I had purposely been ignoring.

This client, whom I have met before, had been trying unsuccessfully to meet me again for the past two years. At first, I ignored his calls. Then he got in contact with me by calling me from a new number, and so then I started to ignore his new number. Fast forward one year later, this week, he called me from an additional new number. I picked up and did not recognize his voice. I thought he was a new client, and when I asked for his name, he gave me a different name. So we made an appointment, and voila…he shows up ….!

nose
So the question is, why would an escort reject a repeat customer?

While every escort is different, here are the four main reasons an escort MAY ignore or reject a client from coming back (as a repeat customer).

  1. Hygiene issues

And/Or

  1. Cheap (ie: tries to stay longer than allocated time, unwelcomed, without paying extra, or gives less money than expected)

And/Or

  1. Unbearably ANNOYING or tiring sex (ie: takes too long, or makes us ‘work’ too much. Yes, some of us are ‘spoilt’.)

And/Or

  1. Rude and Disrespectful

Additional reasons for an escort to reject a repeat client that are, perhaps, less common. Such as a client who has…

  1. Stalker-like tendencies (ie: a love crazed client who invades your personal life in an unwelcomed sense — where the ‘love’ is one-sided). Note: This is not to be confused with clients who are in love with an escort while also respecting the escorts own boundaries and expectations. Admiration does not bother escorts so long as their boundaries are respected.
  1. There are additional unique reasons. For instance, I had a really young client whom I felt was spending too much money that he didn’t have (hoping to gain my heart). Since I couldn’t give him love, I felt it was better that he focused on saving money for someone who can truly love him back. I liked him as a person and client, but morally I felt he should direct his hard earned cash elsewhere.

Now, of course, these undesirable traits can be interpreted differently depending on the person. For me, hygiene is a paramount deal breaker, so I would flat out refuse anyone who was not clean. And of course, I would not accept to meet any client who could not pay my rate. Annoying sex, however, is not something one can predict with a new client. Now, with regards to a client being ‘rude or disrespectful’, luckily I have not experienced that so far as I am quite particular with whom I attract and meet. But for many other escorts who do not have the privilege to be so discerning, dealing with disrespectful clients is a reality.

In general, my screening processes have been successful to the extent that there have only been 3-4 men that I have refused to see again. Generally, most clients are relatively pleasant and have no issues. And for the 3-4 clients that I could not bare…, my method of refusal was to simply ignore their calls or messages.

The irony is that these clients whom I refused to meet again were not actually disrespectful at all.

In fact, the former client who showed up the other day under a new name – he is exceptionally respectful and kind hearted. He is even relatively clean and professional. Yet for some reason, this particular client possessed the first three traits of a client I would reject: (hygiene issues, cheap, and tiring sex). Like the first time we met, this client appeared clean. Yet his breath odor was so disgusting that I wanted to gag! His vile breath made me repulsed to touch and be close to him. To top off my disgust, the sex was beyond annoying – he abnormally takes a long time (probably because I cannot hide my repulsion and barely want to touch him) and also, he wants to be all lovely-dovey romantic while he takes his damn time! Yes, I am a romantic woman indeed who loves to be romanced — but not with a person whose scent repulses me! And to make matters worse, he dragged out a one hour appointment to two hours —- no extra tips, nothing. Now, being Sahar, I do have a temper and am quite assertive. I gave him a piece of my mind on the first meeting, yet in a diplomatic way (so not to hurt his feelings). I bluntly told him “I don’t think we are a match in sex” and “you’re just not my type.” Despite that, he still wanted to come back. I allowed him to come a second time, thinking that his ‘bad’ breath was just a one time thing. Well, I was wrong. After the second meeting and the same annoying scenario, I told myself, “Never again, the money isn’t worth it.”

This time, when he arrived at my home the other day, the first thought in my head was a Dave Chapelle style, “Fuck!” I couldn’t just kick him out, because as mentioned, he was actually a really kind and respectful person. I asked him right away, “Why didn’t you tell me it was YOU? Why did you tell me another name?” He said, “I thought you were ignoring me.” I said in my head, “Yes, Obviously” So then I secretively rolled my eyes back, and then told myself, “It’s not that bad, I’ll just get through it.”

Nothing had changed. He was still a sweet guy. But that foul odor from his breath was still there! He was a clean guy, but clearly had neglected his oral hygiene (yes, you can have bad breathe even when you brush your teeth everyday!). How the hell do you tell a nice person that they smell so foul that it makes you feel repulsed to the point you have to obsessively clean your home after to rid the disgusting scent from your home? Finally, at the end of the appointment, he said, “Can you tell me next time openly if you don’t feel comfortable to see me?” Finally I broke down — I had to tell him. I sincerely wanted this sweet guy to have success with OTHER WOMEN, but I am sure other women won’t have the temperament to tell him about his terrible breath. So I said to him, calmly, “Your breath……I am sorry to say this… When is the last time you went to the Dentist? Is there something you eat that smells very strong?”

I felt so bad that I had to tell him something, perhaps, so embarrassing. He was actually very thankful when I told him to go to a Dentist and ask the Dentist to thoroughly check his oral hygiene. So would I see him again? No. Even if he fixes his breath, I am not interested to see him again. Even the sex was just far too unbearable to the point I could not hold in my annoyance. But again, he is a nice guy, so I sincerely hope he can find a woman who does love him – he has many lovable qualities – he is actually an attractive, fit, younger guy! But for me, personally, I was just far too turned off by the whole experience. I hope I did the right thing by being honest.

Lesson to be Learnt?

Want to be a good client or partner in general? Excel in the first four points I mentioned (be mindful of your hygiene, be courteous with her financial expectations, ask for feedback during intimacy, and be genuinely respectful).

Lastly, the thing with hygiene is that it is difficult to detect one’s own scent, or body odor. I, too, have been guilty of having bad breath, unknowingly — which is a funny story. A long time ago, when I lived overseas, I was with a regular client of mine. It was his birthday, so I brought him some cupcakes. I told him not to eat the cupcakes until after our appointment. I told that I won’t kiss him or let him kiss my body if he eats the cupcakes first. He then said, jokingly, “Why not? I always kiss you after you eat your spicy foods and I don’t complain.” He was teasing me and alluding that I had “garlic” breath once and how it didn’t bother him. Since then, I always am paranoid about meeting someone after I have eaten foods with my favorite ingredients, garlic and onion. It can be a cute and sweet gesture to others to simply say, “Is my breath alright?”

Escorts? What is your experience? What would make you stop seeing a client? Clients, have you been rejected? What would make you stop seeing an escort? Share your thoughts

33 Comments

Filed under The Escorting Business, Types of Clients

33 responses to “Clients: Why an Escort Refuses to Meet You Again

  1. Escorts should be able to see whomever they want. No need for elaborate excuses. Just like clients can be choosy, so can the ladies. Personally I would rather an escort just tell me that she prefers not to see me. A simple reason like, “I’m sorry but I didn’t feel the chemistry with us and can’t give you my 100% effort.” Or something to that effect. Some clients can’t take hints. Dodging or ignoring their calls wastes your time and his. Ideally, clients and escorts would be completely honest with each other. After all, most people in the hobby don’t have the thinnest skin.
    Just my opinion……..:)

    • escortdiary

      Thank you for sharing.

      It is not easy to be blunt to someone in all circumstances, especially when they are a kind person. Rejection is experienced differently by everyone — some people are very sensitive, so it is important to be mindful of their feelings.

      Rejection does not mean, at all, that someone is unworthy. But not everyone understands that.

  2. Thomas

    Hmmm… I’ve booked three hours and used almost all of it having sex. It was hands down one of the most beautiful experiences of my life.

    I had another woman who said she would rather not engage in an activity that was clearly on the menu. She just didn’t feel up to it that day. No problem. But I would never see her again. It is the equivalent of being cheap for an escort to book time and then not be up to performing.

    There is only one escort that I have ever wanted to be herself completely, who I would have loved to see on her worst day. I’ve stopped seeing her. But, I miss her very much.

    • escortdiary

      Thank you for sharing.

      If there is chemistry, and exploration is welcomed, then of course it is okay and enjoyable to prolong the sensual experience.

  3. Akbar Khan

    I personally do not see any intellectual point or need to intellectualize the subject of prostitute-client dynamics in this particular context, nor there is need to highlight “Bad Breath Syndrome” or any shortcoming of any particular client.

    1. If you prostitute your self, you deserve to be paid for your time.
    2. If you don’t like a client, there is no need to create a long story – just tell him straight that you have problem. He finds another hooker or not, gets his problem fixed or not, should be none of your worries.
    3. If a customer has paid, It is his right to…….; if you are too disgusted, want him cum or finish as per your terms, you better reimburse his money and show him the door.
    4. More appropriate term would be “Business Etiquette” rather than “respect”. You can neither quantify nor be sure if the client has “respect” for prostitutes. For example Person X had no business etiquette rather than saying he was disrespectful.
    5. Finally prostitutes should learn to expect variations among clients. Being prostitute and having attitude of Queen Cleopatra are not something very compatible.

    My personal views, apologies if anyone dislikes them.

    • escortdiary

      @Akbar

      Thoroughly disappointed with your views here as your comments in other posts were quite good.

      I made this post to express something that many other escorts can relate too. The whole point of my blog is to humanize escorts by showcasing our emotions, so I certainly will write about candid experiences.

      If you think you can apply business etiquette to sex work, then you clearly have no understanding that sex and intimacy are NOT things that can be professionalized (unless robotic mechanical sex is your cup of tea).

      No one can prepare themselves for the unexpected and prepare how they will react in all situations.

      -Sahar

      • Thomas

        Sahar,

        I didn’t get the idea that Akbar is bitter. He is just saying that it is a business transaction. You yourself have alluded to the fact that you sometimes enjoy a client or even fall in love with a client, but that it is an act that is put on for money (you said this in a post called “do prostitutes like sex or money?”). You have alluded to the fact that providing a GFE experience can be exhausting and that while clients may fall in love with you, they should understand that you are usually providing an experience and are not really attracted to many of them. I’m “quoting” from memory. So, I apologize if I am misrepresenting what I’ve gotten the impression you have said.

        Well, it is not bitter to point out that for many men, the majority of visits to escorts are just a business proposition. If I paid for a massage and the messuese said that her hands were tired that day, I say, “Why don’t you go home and let someone else finish.” If they suggested that my massage would be better if I gave them a massage first, I’d be like, “What?”

        I would not be paying someone to have sex with me if I wanted to take their desires into account. I’m paying someone to act like I’m the center of the world and that everything I want is what they want too. And I don’t really want to have to coax that experience out of a provider (I would stay home for that). Really, sometimes I just want to get in there and go at it until we are both dripping in sweat. I want to see her flagging along the way. It makes me feel virile to tire a woman out. That’s one type of experience that I like (there are many others–including minimalist sensuality).

        You said that if there is chemestry and exploration is welcome, then it is OK to prolong the sensual experience. I’m paying to do as I please (within the limits that are implicitly or explicitly agreed to before the session–which includes both specific types of pleasure and time limits. If a woman says no Greek and only a half hour, I might want to see her…. If she says PSE and two hours, well that’s what she signed up for). It’s not bitter to have expectations. It’s just saying that for both the client and the provider, it is usually just a transaction.

        I sometimes feel like providing pleasure and enjoy providing a relaxing massage. There’s really only one provider that I’ve fallen in love with. And if we made an appointment and she showed up with the flu, I would be greatful for the opportunity to see her at her worst and feed her chicken soup.

        But that’s love. The rest of the time I just want to engage in my depravities and be taken care of. That’s no more callous or bitter than for the provider to say, usually I just want my money and for the guy to leave so that I can go relax at the pool.

        I’m not discounting what you have written Sahar. It’s nice to know the perspective and emotions of a provider. It’s why I read your blog. And I really do prefer that a woman be completely happy with me. And I’m not saying that I expect every provider to be 100% into it every time. But it is what I want and what I would return for. And I’m not saying that I expect a provider to push herself past her comfort level with me. I’m just saying that I would never see a woman a second time if I didn’t think she was comfortable with me. And the fact that I engage in certain pleasantries and kindnesses before or during a session really is almost always just etiquette that I know will usually be reciprocated by the provider whom I have paid for a service. That’s reapectful. But it really is almost always just business.

        But you Sahar, are a willful woman with intellectual and spiritual depth. I am not surprised that men fall in love with you and that you are used to being pampered. I have great respect for women like you and am sure that you would capture my imagination if I ever met you.

      • escortdiary

        Thomas,

        You have misquoted and have clearly misunderstood my writings. I never said that I ‘put on an act’ with clients at all. I may not express my every emotion, but I am still myself. Yes, escorts sell themselves for money, but that does not mean at all that we cannot be ourselves in the process. I have, in fact, noted numerous times that I do not fake my emotions with clients.

        Sorry, not all clients have your “me me me” mentality when visiting escorts. Other men realize that SEX is not SEX if it is a selfish, one-sided act. Moreover, sex cannot be IMPERSONAL like other jobs — but sadly, it has been MADE impersonal given there are clients who attempt to treat it as any other business relationship. Any one who desires true intimacy would never make sex about themselves, irrespective if they are with an escort or not. I am actually repulsed by your mentality and am thankful that there are men who are not like you at all. You wrote, “I would not be paying someone to have sex with me if I wanted to take their desires into account. I’m paying someone to act like I’m the center of the world and that everything I want is what they want too.”

        I am sure a lot of men share your mentality, and equally a lot of men DO NOT.

        You seem to respect escorts and their boundaries, yet you are treating the experience like it is akin to getting a massage. That’s fine. It is no suprise that you go to multiple women — no woman would want to get close and explore with a man who has a selfish mentality in sex. You prevent yourself from meaningful experiences by your mentality — but perhaps that’s a good thing, since you are MARRIED and condone cheating.

        Please don’t bother to write paragraphs explaining yourself — it is off topic, and I quite frankly I’ve already heard enough of your mentality

        -Sahar

      • Thomas

        Here is the quote from this blog post, “This is not to be confused with clients who are in love with an escort while also respecting that the escort only see’s the relationship as business.”

        And then you responded to Akbar that, “If you think you can apply business etiquette to sex work, the you clearly have no understanding that sex and intimacy are NOT things that can be professionalized.”

        This is important for you to understand: By pointing out this inconsistency, I’m NOT gloating on having cornered you. I think that these inconsistencies are just a truth that we have not yet adequately articulated. The inconsistencies are where truth and eventual understanding lie.

        And this inconsistency is why I’m reading your blog. Its the reason I have stopped seeing a provider with whom I have fallen in love. I’m trying to wrap my head around paying for a woman to love me and I just have not yet been able to do that. I think that sex and intimacy can be professionalized. But it strikes me as absurd to think that love can be professionalized. And while I really enjoy paying for sex and intimacy, I can’t imagine paying for love. You can fake sexual arousal and intimacy. But, by its very nature, you can’t buy love–though it is also true that love cannot exist until certain basic needs are met.

        Here is what I have come to think. I could never enter an arrangement that did not provide me with an exclusive relationship. And yet, I want her to, in a way, invest in me by seeing me of her own accord for a period of time. How does she feel that she is not being cheated? Well, I would not mind if she withheld sex from me until I “paid” for it. So, let’s just say we saw each other for six months or a year, not often–once or twice a month–sometimes for dinner, sometimes for a walk or a drive though the countryside. Just time to get to know one another.

        I think she needs more money than she can earn right now to support the lifestyle that she wants for herself and her child. But she is not going to starve over the next six months or a year. Really! She has a job that she seems to enjoy.

        At the end of the year, she decides if she wants to stay together. If not, we part ways. If she does, then we see each other exclusively and I provide regular support. Of course, this whole arrangement sounds a lot like traditional courting, engagement, and marriage–particularly from an era before women worked. It’s rather Victorian in its formality. We would be guaging each other’s interest. She would be judging my financial stability. I would be judging her fidelity. It’s all a rather drawn out negotiation with genuine feelings involved–but also very practice concerns discussed.

        This is rather theoretical. She had expressed an interest in an arrangement. I didn’t want to discuss anything explicitly–primarily because I had not yet wrapped my head around the idea. But we never discussed anything explicitly. So, I don’t know what she would think of it.

        I would love to hear your thoughts on this matter Sahar.

      • escortdiary

        Thomas,

        Yes I am aware that may seem like a contradiction, but my usage of ‘business’ in that context does not suggest that the sex industry is in any way comparable to ‘business’ in the job market. I could outline this and explain it, but that will be for a future post. There are numerous problems I have found when sex work is attempted to be professionalized or compared to other jobs. It is even more problematic when clients take the approach, like yourself, that sex work is a business and therefore ‘it’s all about the customer’ as you alluded too. This is sex. If one wants robotic, mechanical sex (ie: no feelings or chemistry involved), then yes, apply your “I am the customer” attitude. The funniest thing I observed is that the number one thing clients complain about the sex industry as a whole is this: the sex was too mechanical, there was no passion. You cannot standardize sex for it to be anything wholesome.

        Sahar

      • Thomas

        Sahar,

        I didn’t mean to come across as devoid of emotions or anything. For me, business can be very pleasurable. I want to be friends with the vendors I work with. We have lunches and dinners and drinks together. I have often met their spouses or know what their kids are doing. But if I don’t renew their contract, they don’t buy me lunch anymore. And if they don’t perform, I don’t renew their contract. Top notch performance and timely payment are crucial to maintaining the relationship.

        If I’m the client, I treat the vendor as a friend. But, if we have dinner, I never give a thought to whether they really think my jokes are funny or if they have somewhere else to be.

        If I’m hosting a client, I look relaxed. But I have made sure that every concern and potential concern has been addressed well before we get together. There is often someone standing by to look up any information that they may want. I know their wife’s name, how they order their coffee, the latest news in their industry or area of interest, and their political and religious affiliation if that’s available. I know what they are likely to want from me and the direction in which I want to steer them. They have no idea that I slept 3 hours the night before or that I will be relieved to get home, take a hot shower, and crawl between clean sheets to watch the latest episode of Game of Thrones.

        I’d be very surprised if there is a hobby client out there that does not view things generally in this way–though I don’t at all doubt that a lot changes once a long term relationship is established.

        I look forward to reading your post regarding “business.”

        And I don’t think that I’ve condoned cheating. I’m just acknowledging my sins. And, I am speaking in a forum populated by others like me and you. “We have all sinned and come short of the glory of God.”

      • escortdiary

        Thomas

        I do not doubt that there are many misguided men who do share your view. But again, you are incorrect in thinking most clients would view things from your perspective.

        What you wrote above — where you essentially compare your interactions with escorts to similar experiences with your business contacts — is again, problematic on so many fields. But I thank you, as you have given a great example of a type of mentality that I have been writing about for quite some time now (a mentality that attempts to dehumanize the escort experience by applying ethics of business relations). The very fact that sex has become so depersonalized, non-intimate is really tragic.

        I know you mean well,…and thank you for the willingness to listen.

        Take care,

        Sahar

    • Rolling Tin Fist

      @Sahar love the blog plus the gents comments. They have been very helpful especially with my last round of The Hobby and optimizing the experience.

      I’m with both Akbar and especially Thomas on this; Thomas is just more eloquent and detailed about it. It’s first and foremost business. Any man who thinks it’s not business is going to get into a lot of trouble emotionally and is more likely to violate boundaries with an escort.

      I think you’re being a bit hard on both of them, although I see your perspective and I’m not surprised by your reaction to their comments. I’ve known other women to react similarly given similar contexts.

      It’s not business in the cold widget sense, but business in the sense that if I pay, I expect “some” sort of service in return. Now what service I receive is another story and is of course discussed and negotiated with the escort for our mutual benefit.

      For me I patronize escorts for the GFE (Girlfriend Experience) minus intercourse. This is typical during my annual “Red Pill” getaway with like-minded men. I get all the sex I can stand at home. I seek the GFE for the physical and interpersonal aesthetics (as Thomas broke it down brilliantly in the last post comments) and the emotional intimacy which I don’t get at home. My wife is even more transactional than I am.

      While I could, I don’t seek the GFE locally as the risks are too great seeking the GFE with an amateur. Plus I get more professionally, for my money, better rules of engagement, and quality and service, if I travel abroad.

      Some escorts are confused and sometimes slightly offended/disappointed when I let them know I’m not planning on having sex with them, and they discover I’m not joking. Some see it as they aren’t going to make as much money or that I’m maybe wasting their time. Others, I suspect may be thrown off guard by a client willing to pay for something other than sexual intercourse.

      However, depending on how well the escort meets my service requirements, I’ll pay a tip above the negotiated price, for the time put in, if the direction things are going in isn’t working for either of us. If she not only meets my requirements but knocks it out of the park, I pay the negotiate fee, plus bonus. Then, I’ll begin negotiating for extracurricular activities (e.g. dinner, dancing, opera, etc.) if she’s verbal agreed to partaking in such activities. The escort I visited last week during my getaway fit very well in the latter category.

      I ended up seeing her two days in a row, which I hadn’t planned on, but my pals wanted to return to the same establishment. Plus due to an unintended logistics issue with suite availability, I ended up with an extra half-hour or so with her before our official session in the establishment lounge.

      Unfortunately and probably for the better (I was getting more emotionally involved than I expected or would have liked) I wasn’t able to reconnect with her and confirm our next meeting before I had to return to my half of the planet 🌎.

      Now a lot of men I know and communicate with travel at some expense (time and money) to engage in The Hobby so it’s better an escort and client communicate very clearly with each other and understand it’s first and foremost business.

      For me, I avoid or disegage escorts that fit into at least one of the following categories:

      1. The escort has hit The Wall (e.g. no longer able to meet my physical aesthetical requirements). This is a harsh one but it’s good because it help me avoid the male equivalent of number 2.

      2. The escort isn’t obviously aren’t present emotionally during initial introductions. This is a killer, especially if it’s blatantly obvious.

      3. The escort is unable to convince me she’s above my age requirement. When in doubt, I pass.

      4. They’re too inexperienced (and I don’t mean sexually) given the line of work they’ve chosen. They don’t understand how to negotiate (e.g. ask me to pay whatever I want or overcharges beyond logic and market prices) or the rules of engagement (e.g. attempting to negotiate within good visual range of law enforcement)

  4. Y.F

    Nice article Sahar……

  5. MM

    It is understandable when a lady doesn’t want to say anything; because we all risk bad reviews; also – IT IS COMMONLY KNOWN THAT IF SOMEONE DOESN’T RETURN YOUR COMMUNICATIONS, SHE DOESN’T WANT TO SPEAK WITH YOU. No reason is necessary or required. Every individual has the right to refuse communication – without providing a reason. His covert stalking/name-changing/continued messaging was VIOLATING YOUR BOUNDARIES — and he knew it. Had it been me? and I saw him through the peekhole, standing at the door? I would NOT have answered it. There is NO EXCUSE FOR ABUSE of boundaries. He did it on purpose and sneaked up on you. I can’t believe you let him disrespect you like that…it surprises to hear that from you. *smh*

    • escortdiary

      Hi MM,

      Thank you for sharing that and giving a ladies perspective. Great points you mentioned. As for the guy who showed up: this particular guy was a really respectful man, so I couldn’t be harsh with him. He was also kind of naive, so I don’t think he had anything but good intentions. But of course, I would outright refuse anyone else if I really felt I couldn’t deal with it.

      Best wishes

      -Sahar

  6. Lil

    Hygiene is a huge issue. I am freshly showered immediately upon opening the door. I require every client I see to shower when they get there. I need to SEE that they have showered before anything occurs. This is because many things occur after a morning shower—coffee is consumed!, breakfast is consumed, bathroom breaks occur! When I started in the business, I began to notice that EVERY client I saw STANK down there. It is impossible Not to sweat, etc., when you have clothing on. The fact that a client is handing you CASH means that his hands are unclean! and, if his fingers go inside you, you WILL get a bacterial infection…you WILL spend time at the doctors office…you WILL spend 2/3 of that donation on a medical issue. This is why ladies have bac. infections constantly. For centuries, escorts demanded clients shower upon arrival – for these very reasons – it was just part of the experience, without exceptions, no questions asked. Why ladies are NOT asking men to shower now, every time, is beyond me. I and many ladies whose websites I view are requiring a shower upon arrival. It takes 2-5 minutes. Also, FYI: for some reason, they do need to be asked to use the soap sitting on the edge of the tub as well. If you do not specifically ask them to, you will notice they do not use soap. Be meticulous about hygiene. Hospitals and doctors are meticulous about hygiene for a reason. Bedbugs are a huge issue now, and lots of other bacteria are making a comeback as well.

    • escortdiary

      @Lil

      Thank you for sharing. Great points from a ladies perspective.

      Indeed hygiene is essential! Looking forward to hear from you and other ladies again in future posts.

      -Sahar

    • @Lil
      Hygiene is definitely a serious issue particularly when it involves sexual intimacy. You gave a good example of hospitals and doctors. However as much as you expect a client to take a shower using shampoo and soap before any entertainment takes place, he also has the equal right to demand that you take shower in his presence. He has similar concerns about germs from previous client, his saliva, semen or sexual secretions on your body. Although you mentioned that you take a shower but since it is not in the presence of client so he might not be satisfied with your claim. Why not take a shower together with every new client? It might add to fun and satisfaction both at the same time? What do you say?

  7. Chris

    I have two strange conundrums. And it is mostly odd that you mentioned the situation you mentioned.
    Almost as if I should ask your input before I do something incredibly dumb.

    Here goes.
    There is an escort whom I saw for a long time (6 months, twice a month at least), a few years ago. She became a friend, and I would see her for hours at a time for the price of her regular two hours.
    She would tell me about her life, and we would talk over text regularly.
    She told me about this man she was attracted to, and how she would watch his child when he and his wife fought.
    One day, while talking about our next visit, and having her describe what we would do to eachother.
    I crack a joke as part of my telling her that I was going to have to work.
    I don’t have message thread anymore but it was along the lines of

    “…but, and it’s a bigger but than the one I worship, (hint, it’s yours)…”

    And, no answer
    Nothing

    So I figure she got busy and shrug it off. A day goes by, so I write again.
    Nothing

    I get worried and I call
    Nothing

    I am about to go to her place but I see she posts her ad again.

    I’m confused
    I write
    And write
    For two weeks
    Nothing

    Finally I write saying

    “Date: Sat, 1 Feb 2014 01:40:29 -0800
    Could you please at least just tell me that I’m wasting my time?
    I can’t stop remembering how great a time we had together.
    I am your ardent fan
    And regular
    I sing your praises at every chance
    I really think this whole situation is unwarranted.”

    She responds with

    “You’re wasting your time! Please stop emailing me!”

    So I stopped

    Nothing, no contact

    A month later I get a random call and hangup from a random number.
    Registered to the guy who’s kid she watches when he fights with his wife.

    I text him to knock it off or I’ll go pay him a visit.
    And write her, asking her what she wants sending that guy my number.

    Nothing

    It’s been a couple of years

    But I’m still confused all to hell.

    She still works, and she receives clients at her residence.

    Is there ANY possible way to re establish contact?

    Thanks for your time.

    C

    • @Chris

      Why would you want to? I understand what you are saying/thinking, because I was in a similar situation….but why not just move on, she’s not worth the drama. Yes I know I don’t know her, but it took me several tries to let a particular escort woman go. I think your woman has made herself clear. There’s always someone else who can fill her absence, maybe someone you would care for even more. just my opinion..

    • Lara

      I am sure if she was seeing you for free you would not respect and love or get obsessed . Men likes women that use them for money.
      I am a escort and I think that money can’t buy love or emotions that’s why I was seeing this special client for free. The love making was from another world … I never felt such intense connection . I used to write poems about us daily .
      And he’s confused about us. One day he says that he loves me and won’t leave me but next day he is in silence .
      I never chase him because I see that must be difficul for him to see that I am having sex with other guys , but it is only a job . The only one that can feel my emotions is him and no one else . Because I believe that I am there to sell see and not my love and emotions and that explain why I don’t charge this man because I love him
      I believe must be hard to you
      I hope you get healed
      Peace
      Lara

      • Thomas

        Lara,

        I am rooting for you and this guy to get together. This is a great forum for gaining perspective from the other viewpoint. You have to keep us up to date on your story.

        You wrote that “if she was seeing you for free, you would not respect and love or get obsessed. Men like women that use them for money.” This view seems distorted to me–and I suspect is universally untrue. I want to tell you how this guy probably sees things so that you can sharpen your game–or bow out gracefully.

        Men get obsessed when a woman is hard to get, regardless of why she is hard to get. In your case, you are hard to get because your rate precludes buying up all of your time (it would cost $105 million for me to buy up the time of a provider that I’m in love with, through retirement age). But you could just as easily be hard to get by your choice to not always be available (which you are doing by not persuing him).

        Respect is earned from having principles–a woman who knows herself and her boundaries and her value beyond money, a person who has aspirations or something that she loves outside of the interpersonal realm. From my perspective, that includes people like you and Sahar and Rolling Tin Fist and I who are tying to understand the nature of love–particularly when money is a complicating factor (thank you to each of you for helping me come to some unexpected conclusions). Not taking money in exchange for sex from a person you love is another example of principles.

        Love stems from God or fate or some kind of bad luck. We fall in love in ways that defy patterns and formulas. But, I have come to think that we fall in love because we see a person for who they really are. There is a moment of revelation that is a gift, something that we may see in the first second that we catch sight of someone. Sex is a great way to increase the probability of experiencing these moments. We intuitively understand someone at their deepest level and often feel that they understand us at an intuitive level. The experience is so rare that we value it highly and want to continue to experience it. I consider it to be a divine gift to fall in love. It is a second gift of divine grace, of equal rarity, when the other person falls in love with us.

        Because I consider it a divine gift, I feel that I have to follow it through once it starts. I don’t feel that I have to do anything that is unprincipled or desperate for it. It is almost as if it is happening against my will. I feel obligated to be there to receive it if it comes. It would be a sacrilege if I turned it away or actively worked against it. But if it doesn’t happen, it is only proof that I misperceived the interaction as fated by God. And I have been relieved, at times, when love has not blossomed–even when it hurts so profoundly and deeply to discover that we have misperceived events. I have written to the provider I am in love with and about her and even prayed to her as a diety, both when she knows and in silence while at work or before a work of art or before the power of nature. And I fear our love like some cataclysm of nature, utterly destructive in its force and power.

        But let me tell you this, men hate it when they are used for money–though “used” may have a different connotation in your mind than it does in mine. Maybe men enjoy being generous. But generosity is something completely different than paying a fee–which is a business transaction, or being worked–which is an exploitative act similar to a guy trying to push boundaries in an uncomfortable and unwelcomed way. It’s like saying that a woman likes to be abused–possibly so in a very controlled and consensual and respectful way. But for the most part–no, they don’t. And those that think they do are neurotic and resentful.

        The way to make yourself scarce is to stop having sex with him. Just spend time with him–and never ever give in–until he has to provide for you in order to get what he wants. Don’t let him pay for it. Don’t let him talk you into it. Don’t let him threaten not to see you anymore. Just tell him that you love him and will never take money for anything quid pro quo again and that you will never give your body to him until he can provide an adequate level of support for you to see him exclusively. If he doesn’t like this, he is almost certainly not in love with you. Just stop seeing him if he doesn’t like this arrangement. He will either realize what he has lost–or–you will realize, with time, that your loss is not as bad as it might have seemed. But keep seeing him for free so that you get to know each other. Love also, I believe, develops through shear exposure–as long as you don’t give him everything.

        Then there is the financial part. You can’t stop working right now. But you could get another part time job to ease into that market. Just be ready to make a change if that’s what it would take. If he has the money to support you, tell him you are available for such an exclusive arrangement (don’t suggest moving in with him–that could make him feel a little overwhelmed). But tell him what your expenses are. If he doesn’t have the money to support you, talk about how to make that work. But it is a bit of a tragedy that most of us are limited by financial constraints. If he loves you, the fact that he can’t take you from that life is reflection of his failure, not yours. So, *don’t* think that he will understand that it is just a job for you.

        It is tempting to think that, because the original meeting was easily facilitated with cash, that love should work out easily somehow. But, I’ve come to the conclusion that it does not. The provider that I am in love with may not yet understand that I simply will never pay her for specific quid pro quo again or for non-exclusive access to some of her time. But she is keeping in touch. I don’t know if she is more interested in me or the money. But I do think that she is interested in both. And she appears to have left that lifestyle (all of her ads have expired). I think that I’ve made it clear that I will never pay her for specific and/or limited access to her again. I will always be available to go out on a date (which we have done once and have talked about doing again after the holidays). I will always be receptive to her interacting with me, whether that is by email, phone, or in person. I will continue to express my devotion to her for as long as she expresses a wish to hear from me. I may try to have sex with her. But I don’t expect it any time soon. And I would actually prefer that we not have sex (and that she not have sex with others) until we can enter a more stable type of relationship–but she has to say no to my advances (I’m not so prudish as to look down on her for acquiescing–just saying that I don’t expect free sex). And it would take courage and possibly self control to turn me down if she is really enamored with me.

        If I can double my salary in the near future (which will require me making some radical changes to my lifestyle and taking considerable risk), I’ll share a substantial amount of that with her. But I will never pay her for a specific act or a limited amount of her time again–ever–for any reason. The past is the past. It is irrevocably finished. And I’m fine with however she decides to react to that (even though that decision feels like it will crush me at times).

        The key to getting what you want from any negotiation is to know when you are ready to walk away. And you always have to be ready to walk away. You also have to know what doesn’t matter to you so that, hopefully, some common ground can be found. You have to make it clear how to navigate the opening to eventually reach you. And your non-negotiables need to be both personal (tactical) and realistic (strategic). For instance you need to know if you are so jealous that you can’t abide him seeing another provider (tactical) and if you just can’t live with another job that you may hate every minute of doing and therefor need complete support (strategic). If you don’t know all of this going in–and know it with certainty–you will loose and will be used.

        I think the only way to get past how you met is to transform the dynamic completely and irrevocably. And just think about this, most relationships are based on a real and exclusive emotional bond where financial arrangements are made. It’s usually possible (at least in first world countries) to make it work without selling your body if both of you really want to make it work. But you have to know when you will walk away and stick to the game plan that you settle on no matter what.

        Jonathan

      • Rolling Tin Fist

        “Love stems from God or fate or some kind of bad luck. We fall in love in ways that defy patterns and formulas. But, I have come to think that we fall in love because we see a person for who they really are. There is a moment of revelation that is a gift, something that we may see in the first second that we catch sight of someone. Sex is a great way to increase the probability of experiencing these moments. We intuitively understand someone at their deepest level and often feel that they understand us at an intuitive level. The experience is so rare that we value it highly and want to continue to experience it. I consider it to be a divine gift to fall in love. It is a second gift of divine grace, of equal rarity, when the other person falls in love with us.

        Because I consider it a divine gift, I feel that I have to follow it through once it starts. I don’t feel that I have to do anything that is unprincipled or desperate for it. It is almost as if it is happening against my will. I feel obligated to be there to receive it if it comes. It would be a sacrilege if I turned it away or actively worked against it. But if it doesn’t happen, it is only proof that I misperceived the interaction as fated by God. And I have been relieved, at times, when love has not blossomed–even when it hurts so profoundly and deeply to discover that we have misperceived events.”

        Beautifully written. I felt this divine gift myself (I understand this now) with my last provider. Although I never expected it. It had never even occurred to me that it could happen with a provider, and it never has before.

        Well, she responded back to my message since my last post here. Which surprised me. I never expected to hear from her again and was almost hoping I wouldn’t. I don’t know if I’ll ever see or communicate with her again or even if I would want to given the opportunity.

        Although re-reading this help me put my episodes with her in a context I can now put words to. Thank you Thomas.

  8. simi69

    Dear Lady
    Nice Article
    Hygiene issues well understood and relevant
    What about smokers
    Does chemistry have to do with age. Do you find younger clients having better chemistry than elders due to their libido. What age is the oldest client whose chemistry was good
    What about clients who have a desire for somethings more than straight sex say a butt massage or a blow job
    Thanks for the education.Cheers

  9. Aphrodite

    Dear Sahar,

    I used to have blog under the name of Aphrodite, which I removed more than a year ago.
    I started escorting at the barely legal age of 18. Very soon, only after a month, I met my Beloved client. I managed to see him without losing professionalism until a few months ago. We’ve known each other for more than four years now. I knew he was extremely fond of me, but I realized that I too, fell in love with him. Fortunately he understood my decision and respected me. Before our last date, I warned him our appointment would be different than other times….and I knew he knew what I meant.
    Our last date was very passionate. Never in my life I loved to kiss a man…any man. But at that moment I enjoyed it with passion. I felt sad the few days after.
    However, my client missed me more, which confirmed my decision to not see him anymore.
    Often I think about your writings. In the beginning of my career as an escort I was sceptical of your writings. I thought leaving escorting was easy. Nothing is farther from the truth. My mother knew too soon and she asked why I didn’t just quit.
    It’s quite ‘mission impossible’ to explain to her. I’ve tried to quit several times. I managed to stay away from prostitution for a whole year until the beginning of 2016. I’m a very passionate and sensual, which comes with my very independent and adventurous nature. I love my family very much, but at the same time I felt I was suffocating. I decided to leave my family’s house to live on my own. My mother was afraid for me but when I told her I left, she started to see me as a ‘fallen woman’. I know she still sees me that way, and I feel both sad and angry. She asked me how I could pay for the rent while only doing interim jobs. But I saw in her eyes she already knew.
    I decided to leave. But it is hard to manage, especially because I didn’t left in peace. For the first time in my life, I really NEED the money to pay my rent, instead of the ‘luxury’ of spending it lavishly.
    I’m thinking about my future. I want to get a fulltime ‘normal’ job’ or an education to have the chance to do the job (a ‘real job’) I really love. I want to focus on that, otherwise I’ll lose myself.

    Kind regards,

    Aphrodite.

    • escortdiary

      Thank you for sharing dear. I was worried for you and will correspond via email. Kisses and blessings

      • Aphrodite

        Dear Sahar,
        Thank you for replying. I told my one-sided story through e-mail, but how is your life going? What makes you strong and what gives you hope these days? Are you seeing family and friends?
        I’ll read your answer on e-mail.
        Kisses and blessings.

      • miq

        Why you are beautiful, sexy, intelligent and same time kind hearted too !

  10. Aphrodite

    Dear Sahar,
    I wonder if you’ve read ‘Status Anxiety’ by Alain De Botton? It’s a book that contains different essays, many of them touching subjects you also wrote about on your blog.

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