A Courtesan: A Curiosity of Clients Intentions


A few commenters on this blog have misunderstood my writings, because they assumed my blog was blaming clients for my mishaps. I will clarify it here: clients are not the problem in the modern context of prostitution. Certainly there are some ‘bad’ clients and third-party affiliates (brothel owners, managers, agents, etc) with exploitative tendencies, but equally there are some ‘bad’ escorts too. Individuals, alone, can be problematic indeed, but they are the not the sole cause behind the negative implications of the sex-industry. Prostitution has manifested itself in a multitude of ways in various places and contexts – it hasn’t always been a degraded phenomenon as it is depicted in modern societies today. Anyway…

Sometimes, I wonder about the lives and circumstances of my clients. I can only imagine how seeing an escort is a gamble when a client is, perhaps, seeking a true connection. Many women who sell themselves are not looking for genuine pleasure, but rather see the experience as a task. Other women might be more open to exploring sexualities, yet that does not mean chemistry can be established with every client.  In this post, I am curious about clients who are seeking a real connection with a woman. What is their experience? Is it easy to establish a good connection with an escort? And is it easy to establish good sexual chemistry? In my recent years, as a courtesan, I encounter many clients seeking more than just a physical act – they want passion, or perhaps they want to express desires that are considered ‘taboo’ in mainstream society, and overall they want to me enjoy it too.

As mentioned in the previous post, I tend to see clients who seek a deep connection. Do I connect with them all? Of course not.  They are looking for someone where they can establish good sexual chemistry, companionship and conversation. If such a client is married, then it’s my recollection that he, perhaps, rarely got the sexual openness and ‘spark’ with his own wife. And for single clients, perhaps they have never been in love, perhaps they are timid to share their desires, or they are recovering from a former love? The diversity of intentions for going to see a prostitute fascinate me.

One of my regular clients feels we have a strong connection. Indeed I feel comfortable with him, and do enjoy seeing him. But the feeling is still unequal. He claims he’s in love, but I say, “That’s not a good idea.” I like him as client certainly, as he’s a lovely man, but nothing more. But I admit, I think about his circumstances. Often, during appointments, I ask him about his life. I try to understand how he behaves the way he does – which is caring and sweet. When he started to profess his love for me, I told him, “I think you should go see another escort.” Instead, he claims, thus far, that he has no desire to see another girl. He said he detests meaningless sex – that is, sex without any emotion. He said his satisfaction is when he see’s me being satisfied. I understand his attraction – he likes me because he knows I am enjoying it too. It is egalitarian sex, which makes one-sided sex seem mundane.This client of mine, however, is married. I asked him, like many other attached men, why he see’s me: why cheat? Why not please his wife?

It turned out, his marriage, as he claims, was not founded on geniune love and intimacy. He loves his wife. But the love he described was not intense-sexual-love-chemistry. I asked him, like others, very intimate questions, such as, “Does your wife masturbate? Does she initiate sex? Does she always cum? Is she open minded?” The answers were not surprising.

This married client of mine has experience true love before he got married, with another woman. But sadly, he told me he lost her. He said she died in an accident. He told me that he never forgot their passion. I felt deeply sorry for him, because it seemed the love of his past still lingers. This client makes me wonder to myself:  do I ignite the old flame that once burned in his heart for his former true love? Or perhaps he finds me, as a prostitute, more open with my sexuality? Is there something about familiarity that makes us feel comfortable and nostalgic?

For my viewers, I am curious to know what draws you to escorts? And how does the experience make you feel after? And for escorts, what do your clients tend to seek from you?


Filed under The Escorting Business, Types of Clients, Types of Prostitutes

41 responses to “A Courtesan: A Curiosity of Clients Intentions

  1. John

    “Is it easy to establish a good connection with an escort? And is it easy to establish good sexual chemistry?”

    I gather it is no different than other relationships as you have said. Trying to make it happen is a looser of a proposition. When a natural compatability, sexual and emotional exists, you couldn’t stop it if you wanted … if, that’s a huge if, both parties are emotionally intact, open rather than “hardened” as escorts it seems routinely become …. and for men the myriad superficial / idiotic emotionally impoverished items on the male menu , to many to count. Its hard to tell how many nice guys are present in the setting if you are a male. If a male is more or less healthy ….. and the woman not yet hardened and emotionally colorless to protect her soul, then bingo. How often is it a deep and lovely experiene? The little experience I have I’d guess almost never in a full way.

    I met the lovliest Korean woman , i felt filled with her sweetness, there is a beautiful natural compatability, I felt. She’s got strong Venus nature, venus conjoin her sun, saturation, and wow did I feel that …. and other lovely emotional compatabilities … shown by mutual close Moon contacts to one anothers charts. These things are perfect and I felt it big time, My jaw hit the floor when I saw all those symbols correlate so perfectly with my experience. I was bowled over by it in her presence, so lovely.

    ON a second visit we spoke more as best we could and I realize she did not exprience it that way to speak of at all , she is working at this 5 days a week, 5 months now. I cannot say for sure because her English communication is quite weak, these ladies remain sequestered in the Korean speaking circles … or .. . they may conceal some English abilities to keep things surfacy and reduce threat of authentic interest in them while their interest is fast money. Period. Thanks to you for the insight.

    The point is those lovely energies seem spoiled by how gaurded she seems, shutting down, protecting herself in the cattle call intense too many contacts environment. I felt that energy with her very strong, but apparently she does not or did not.

  2. John

    Finishing that thought

    I have never experienced a “mystical ” experience with an escort. Some very nice experiences that are based on their being OK with what they are doing, plus some natural chemisty, if that is present also, isn’t too uncommon.

    Even in this setting where the women are mostly Korean, often speak little English even if they have been here a while, have no education to speak of (it seems), have turned themselves into sex toys according to what silicone valley computer engineers with money to throw around want, as their only opportunity for fast money …. even then if and when there is natural emotional compatability some very nice experiences are possible.

    Astrology is a fascinating index to the presence of absence of chemisty. Most have been trusting in sharing birth data to study the correlates to absence or presence of some degree of chemistry. Never fails to correlate.

    If they have become hardened you can forget it. Its all over.

    Its a heartbreaker to see sweet still intact women working at this 5 to 20 days in a row. You just know their soul isn’t going to survive that for long.

  3. John

    …. “what draws you to escorts”

    Any individuals response may be incomprehensible to others. Only a small fraction of people will understand some things. Potentially the sky is the limit in sexual experiences … how is your capacity to experience altered states of consciousness, mystical experiences. Trying to put those experience into words by definition, diminishes them …. they are ineffable. Sexuality is one of the loveliest ways to gain access to those moments of ultimate fulfillment. That idea alone will loose completely many or most men who simply are not geared for having or understanding such experiences. Most of the pathetic male creatures I’m aware of from forums and bulletin boards in escort advertising settings cannot go there ….many are obviously barely human. I literally feel sick when I spend any time in those settings. No wonder the ladies lose their humanity too.

    In a lifetime of seeking out these profound moments of deep spiritual connection with life, I’m lucky to have had a few. It does require special circumstances, its a “delicate flower” easily wilted especially given the unfortunate cultural stigma you have amplified on so beautifully, Sahar. One thing I’ve noticed in “low class” prostitution, as a male consumer, is the hideous and sad circumstances some women are in furnishes an opportunity to extend loving support to good women who are locked into this setting. Since the lofty experiences I seek are almost unheard of in that setting, some of the most beautiful experiences I’ve had have been thru that process of extending loving support and understanding to women who were near emotional breakdown , locked in to something they hate but feel they must. Things are so bad …. that is a rewarding offshoot of my actual motive. Its kookoo.

    The “little death” as the french refer to orgasm It will not be experienced so beautifully as a mystical experience for everyone.

    In 2500 year old spiritual traditions “the little death” is one fully normal pathway to deeper spiritual experience.

  4. Kemal

    sorry for my bad english. I am living in Germany. I wanted to answer your question after I read your blog. Now I am 40 years old and I visited escorts since I was 23.
    As you explained in another blog there are many different kinds of clients and each of them have different reasons for visiting escorts.
    My reasons were that it was the only way to have sex. It really was not possible to come in sexual contact with women in public life. I am living in a society where I am a foreigner. Furthermore, I have no relatives, I was and am alone. In the first years I enjoyed the sex with escorts: I only had contact with three or for escorts in these 17 years. Some of them vanished.Who knows what happened to them.
    But with time I found very interesting issues about escorts out. First of all they are very serious and they play a role. Many of them are lonely persons. One of them fall in a hard depression and vanished years ago. I still have compassions about her. In Germany many escorts are the product of human trafficking and the government is not going to stop it: in the opposite it takes a lot of taxes from escorts and tolerates that many of them are physically and economically enforced to this job.
    When I found out this truth I stopped to visit escorts! In my terms it is a kind of violation for this women than sex. Last time I saw how a pimp took all the money of a women on the street. I still regret that I did not beat this pimp.
    And now I really have respect to all of this escorts: but I have no respect to the society anymore. In my terms the society is the real escort or prostitute: it has two faces and is really egoistic. It is really sad what happened to many of this women: captured, tortured, slaved and now humiliated by society. Why? because society is respecting the strong and not the victims.
    I never want to get in sexual touch with an escort because it makes me sad when I feel what kind of human tragedy is happening on this human beings.
    And I really feel angry when I see some clients who are thinking that they rule and can become agressive to prostitutes because of their money.

    Am I incorrect on my views?

    Best regards

  5. Manny


    I know this blog is old but i came across this and can relate to this so much!

    I have been married for 13 years. My wife is older than i am by 13 years. We both have been swingers and have met some couples that have been great but then stopped because it seemed like it was a lot of work to find couples that werent into games and into just great sex. She doesnt know this but i have cheated on her constantly.

    Now i know its not right but im just not physically attracted to her. Yes hate me im probably very shallow. But even when i have sex with my wife its mundane and boring (same position, she doesnt dress sexy, etc). My wife does understand me because we are familiar and there is some connection i suppose but i still cheat on her.

    Ive been seeing an escort on the side for the past 9 months.

    I met one of the most beautiful and mysterious women, let me call her Brooke in February. The first time i saw her i was so nervous. But then i got to know her as a person and got to connect with her emotionally.

    Now i know that being mysterious and charming is the job of an escort. I too fell in love with her because she is so beautiful and the sexual energy is amazing. There is a dark side to her that gave me pause but i truly loved her a bit ago. Ive come to realize that i still care for her deeply but have come to feel for her like a good friend. I truly want the best for her in life and sometimes wish i could be that guy. The knight in shining armor. She doesnt want that but i just wish sometimes for a second that i could make her heart melt and feel really special to truly show her how much i value her companionship.

    Ive seen her countless times and each time i see her im reawakened. Its like the spark thats within me is lit up again. I enjoy pleasuring her more than i like to be pleasured because it really gets me off. She does have a boyfriend which im not quite sure how i feel about that. On one hand i really hope she is happy with him and on the other im kinda envious. I know the grass is always greener on the other side and shes not perfect but the sexual chemistry is really great. Either that or she is a really good actress. Or am i still in love with her?

    We have talked about it before and she doesnt have thise feelings for me and i realize it truly wouldnt work out because our lives are so clearly opposite. She likes the life of danger and bad boys and i prefer a life of non danger and Safety. Im also gastly overweight (well not too bad but have a problem with stress eating and trying badly to get back in shape). Im 200 lbs but feel awkward clumsy and not confident in my own skin. Thats definitely not charming to any woman im sure.

    Im rambling right now and i hope this makes sense to anyone. I just saw her today and wm floating on cloud 9. Does this make sense? Or am i still in love with her?

    • Torin131

      You’re in love with the idea of her, and that’s her skill as an escort showing. She sounds like a fantastic find; I’ve met a couple that could do that (or took the time to do that), and they are gems.

      However, if an escort is still charging for services (not just discounting), and not seeing you outside of sessions, she’s just a really good escort, not a person who wants to romance you.

      I’ve been with a couple of very, very good escorts. You were their best friend, confidante, lover. Until the session was over.

      The two who were actual friends, money never changed hands. I was not a “client”. They instigate this, you don’t ask. They ask for rides, go to the mall with you, and invite you out to dinner. They may hit you up for a pack of smokes or some financial help once in a while, but never “tit for tat”.

  6. Thompson

    I’m a client. In my age before 21, I always think of escort/prostitution as a very torturing job in terms of emotions-violence committed by the managers, agents on the escort girls), through media.
    I’m single, not socially awkward, but I just went to experience their life.
    I tried to be friendly with them as always- because that was my 1st time experience, i want myself at ease, but only when I ‘SELECTED’ them, they only acted ‘FRIENDLY’ to me.
    As GFE, she did cuddling, kissing(but not on the lips).
    But finally I put myself at performance anxiety. Why? Because these girls are paid to ‘serve’ the clients, not always letting clients to serve them back because of time constraints.
    I ain’t sure wanna visit any escorts in the future.
    I kissed her on the forehead because I respect her, and saying goodbye.

  7. Andrew

    ……. and to answer your second point ‘ how did you feel afterward?’. The first time fabulous, we’d spoken a lot by email, she was lovely and everybody remembers losing their virginity.

    As for the rest I’ve never felt good about myself especially in that distance by foot from the flat to underground station, and with one I always feel a little ashamed for some reason …… but an explanation and bottle of perfume always makes her smile the next time. Don’t assume that we both lay there depressed and crying lol ……….. no with R it’s a lovely warm fun and friendly hour it’s just a shame it goes so quickly!

  8. Andrew

    Re ‘why do you see prostitutes?’

    I came across this quote by Australian sex therapist Pamela Stephenson, ‘Some men prefer to pay for sex because they enjoy not having to risk rejection at the courting phase, also certain men lack the social skills to attract and seduce a woman’. Interestingly I wrote this down a good year before losing my virginity to an escort. Actually I’ve decided to stop using the word ‘escort’, I think it’s a sham word that’s used to make sex work seem more palatable and help get around the law. No, the seven lovely ladies I’ve met are prostitutes and anyway, one referred to herself as a ‘hooker’ and one as a ‘lady of the night’ so I’m not being disrespectful. Basically it’s all wordplay, semantics!

    Getting back to that quote. I wrote it down because that IS the reason why I initially paid for sex. However I would add the word ‘laziness’ now, because it’s far easier to walk into a flat give a woman money and have her do the most amazing things without any need of the courting bit. Trouble is that’s not enough, yes you pay for her body, but that doesn’t mean intimacy tenderness and caring are thrown in as freebies or extras.

    No strings easy sex was ok throughout the summer, I was like a kid in a sweetshop, but nine months later it’s all changed, although I haven’t fallen in love with this lady or want anything from her, I’m none the less very fond of her and see now that nine months of carnal lust has been replaced by a need for friendship and intimacy. As much as anything I could easily spend the hour just lying next to her, she loves her back being rubbed and that’s nearly enough.

    By the way I’m not trying to show off writing so much, I’m not looking for being replied to, it’s just nice to write and doesn’t come from guilt or a sense of feeling sorry for myself. One year ago, and this is absolutely true, I thought prostitution an immoral seedy line of work used by dirty men, and now? I think sex work is as complicated as life itself and no one has the right to judge the client or the sex worker. As the disclaimer says, ‘what goes on between escort and client is the business of two consenting adults’.

  9. John

    Since 1999 I started seeing escorts. I have been divorced since 1992 and never remarried. I had to go through many escorts until I found a woman/women who I wanted to see on a regular basis. There have only been 2 such women. I sought out these women because of the difficulty finding a woman to be in a normal relationship. I am 61 years old and also stay in excellent physical shape and finding a woman within 10 years of my age who is equally concerned with being physically fit and in shape makes the task even more difficult. I deeply desire physical (and emotional) intimacy and escorts help fulfill my desires in the absence of a normal relationship. The longest relationship I have had with an escort has been since 1999. I have been seeing her off and on for the last 14 years and have come to know her well. She has had somewhat of a turbulent life suffering the heartbreak of losing one of her children two years ago and overcoming a subsequent drinking problem. She is 42 years old so she is not a very young woman which is to my liking. We are very comfortable with each other and she enjoys having sex with me. I certainly enjoy it with her. I consider her a friend and she does me. However I do not romantically love her and she feels the same towards me. The sex act can be a routine and mechanical act which, in and of itself, can be exciting but not emotionally rewarding. The sex act can be such a powerful bond between two people, especially if you have known the person for years. Being in love with the person only magnifies the intensity of the physical and emotional bonding of the sex act. After a long hiatus I have resumed seeing her and have seen her 6 times in the last year and a half. I will miss her greatly when she retires, and when she does retire I would like to remain friends if she desires. I have paid her for her services, but like I told her recently she has given me such a wonderful gift of intimacy that, to me, is priceless.

  10. Tork

    Why we become attracted to Escorts?

    1) You dont have to work hard to win a womens affection at bar/club. Its stressful….

    2) Plus who wants to deal with rejection anyway, not everyone is Brad Pitt….

    • escortdiary

      Thanks for sharing your own opinion. That’s certainly not the opinion of all. Not all men go to clubs/bars, nor do all men want women who engage in such a lifestyle. Equally, not every women is looking for men resembling American standards of male beauty.

      • Blessed

        I find your blog quite fascinating and was compelled to contribute to this discussion. I think that generally speaking, what drives most married men to the escort scene is that they face the harsh realization that marriage is a job. Marriage requires you to be a tactician. Both parties are stuck trying to find the best ways to deal with the idiosyncracies of the other person. This can be draining after sometime. At some point, you decide that once in awhile you want to be with an attractive woman without any controversy or power plays. In the escort world, if a provider begins to do things to get on your nerves you are free to simply politely never contact her again. There is an incredible freedom in this. In the marriage, you are forced to try and find a way to work out problems and conflicts. This can be draining and if you are a successful responsible man who takes care of your family you can get a bit resentful and feel like you are trapped in a situation because you want to make your family work. I found that the escort world truly relaxed me and made me a better lover in my marriage. Moreover, I was less likely to let the little things irritate me. I think most men experience their wife changing her tone and how she talks to you once she is comfortable that you are now “stuck in the marriage”. I would argue that most women marry men who they do not think would ever see escorts. This is why most escorts meet some “very nice guys”. Most of us are excellent marriage material. If we were “bad boys” we probably would not see escorts because our wives would probably expect us to have affairs in the “normal” civilian world and we would take advantage without any guilt.
        When you get into the escort world you come to understand women MUCH BETTER. You learn that some of the girlfriends you had could have easily been escorts. You also come to the realization that you wife could easily cheat on you and hide it quite well. When you get in the escort world you have some truly open conversations with women that allow you to analyze your wife much better. My foray into the escort world has helped me to understand my wife better and also see when she is lying to me. I do not take the marriage too seriously anymore and I think this actually has made her respect me more than before. She probably suspects I have a mistress somewhere. It is sad to say, but that suspicion that she has is probably helping our marriage. I suspect she has cheated a few times herself. In fact, I have picked up on some situations where if I dug deeper I could probably find some concrete evidence. However, I do not feel bothered because I now know that the access to a world of women is out there through the wonderful world of the internet. My life is much less stressful now. I can be the good clean cut handsome family man and still have a secret life of excitement if I feel it is necessary.

  11. Emerald

    Though I’ve been reading your posts for some time now (since I like your writing style and the way you approach the topics) it took me some time to actually respond to your question what was drawing me to visit an escort.
    I had to reflect on my past, on my marriage I’m still in … but also on a desired future.
    I guess the roots of contacting an escort are to be found in a marriage gone sour. We cared for each other – in a way still do – and there was lot’s of gentle intimacy involved in the beginning but not that much sex to be honest (about once a month). After a serious miscarriage the relationship went down the drain for which we were both to blame: we didn’t communicate about the pain and loss we both felt but tried to cope with it on our own. Increasingly we grew apart, less and less intimacy, even less sex.
    For my work I had to go on foreign business trips on a regular base. And it can be lonely and boring , particularly after dinner and self-satisfaction does have its limits. After a couple of years without any sex I was really craving it. So I contacted an escort which seemed to be cheerful, smart and with a nice sense of humor (purely based on her website). She was willing to receive me for a couple of hours, just for some straightforward sex I would like to have.
    However, it went completely different from what I intended to do. I wasn’t able to “score” because I really liked her personality and we just spent time caressing each other, chitchatting and laughing. We kept in touch by occasional email and/or text message.
    About 4 months later I had to visit her city again. This time I wanted it to be more of a date, having a drink together, going to a cabaret (which turned out to be their regular drag queen night of the month … big fun though). Afterwards we did some late night shopping, went to her place. Indeed had some sex, but more importantly for me was the fact that she offered a midnight snack of olives and some Middle Eastern food, which I accepted. There we were, nibbling away, talking again, looking at some pictures on Internet and before I knew I had overstayed 2 hours. She didn’t charge me though I wanted to pay for it. Instead she even offered me to stay the whole night. Unfortunately I couldn’t for I had an early breakfast meeting at the other side of town the next morning.
    To cut a long story short: for 2.5 years I didn’t have any opportunity to visit her again. But we kept in touch by occasionally email and I never felt any urge to visit another escort.These last 6 months our communication grew more intense and she really supported me when I decided to resign from my job.
    Recently we decided to meet at a holiday destination / neutral place and spent quality time together. That week we talked a lot about both our pasts, our current relationships (she didn’t know I was married) and our potential futures. And yes, we made love on a daily base. Though the circumstances are not ideal (me still being married, without a steady income and being considerably older) we concluded that we deeply care for each other and wanted to start planning a future together. We’re working on it now and we both feel exceptionally lucky we dared to be open to each other.

    In short: in first instance my hormones were influencing my brain and the idea of an intimate and lustful good time drew me to an escort. Well, for most of it, I guess.
    Because – apparently hidden below the surface – there probably was a craving for an intimate emotional good time. And over the years this emotional part / connection gained the upper hand. Therefore I became only attracted to her

  12. Aphrodite

    The stigma of sex work still exists in every European country, even in the most ‘free’ and ‘tolerant’ countries.
    Hypocrisy wants that the Europeans (at least where I live) see themselves as tolerant and open towards sex. ‘Everything can be discussed…… ‘ Until the topic of prostitution comes up, which turns the discussion in a heated debate about the goodness and badness, about the potential evil,and the problems that prostitution brings.
    I often hear in talkshows and politican debates: ‘Advanced countries shouldn’t have prostitution. We can’t allow this to happen in the 21th century.’ Not having to substantiate their opinion of course.

    • escortdiary

      Thank you for sharing that dear. You are absolutely right. These ‘moral’ notions still exist (globally — thanks to legacies of colonialism/imperialism). Many have this notion that ‘stigma’ is gone, especially in societies that allegedly ‘celebrate’ alternative ‘sexualities’ — but in reality, much stigma still remains. If anyone is interested, I suggest reading up on the concept of ‘homonormativity’ and Jasbir Puar’s explanation of of the discourse “U.S. Sexual Exceptionalism.”

  13. t0r1n

    I’ll just comment on your last point, about “Victorian Era” notions. This is not the case in Germany, France, Spain, Switzerland or Poland. Once you get into Italy, there’s a whole different dynamic.

    England and America share many of the same cultural viewpoints on sexuality and relationships for obvious reasons. I do not consider England representative of Europe.

    England is viewed by most of Europe as the stuffy neighbor you really rather not have over to a party.

  14. t0r1n

    I stumbled onto your blog whilst I was evaluating my personal experiences with escorts. Strangely enough, I’ve found myself in an interesting mindset heading toward my forties which may add to what is being discussed.

    I’ve always had a childhood crush on a girl I went to school with. We cared for each other deeply, but the timing wasn’t right. Afterward, she got married and had three kids, and this status stayed for 15 years. She visited the country a couple of years ago, and we had a tryst (she was getting a divorce, and was separated, but not ready for any sort of a relationship after that long a marriage). At the end, I came to realize that while I loved her, she was incapable of love due to her mental issues and instability. Otherwise, both physically and persona-wise, she was ideal. Sadly, no woman since this tryst has really “measured up” sexually or intellectually to that dynamic, nor do I ever expect anyone to.

    I’ve dated my current girlfriend for over a year, and do legitimately care for her, take care of her needs, enjoy how easygoing she is (no insane thoughts of marriage a month or so into the relationship). She really understand me, my needs/desires, and is relaxed about matters in that regard.

    However, does she fulfill everything I ever want? I’d have to say “no”. I want to spend time with her, I want to be intimate with her, but is it as fascinating as my relationship with the crush? No. And I don’t kid myself. I won’t try to make this amazing woman into what I want (as I feel many women have tried to do with me), but just enjoy her for her.

    One point you make above about cheating men; that it’s societal. Purely laying this upon society rings falsetto. I cannot speak for the other men in the “hobby”, as it were. But I can speak for myself. I love and admire women. Not just one type, but many. I am openly communicative about my aesthetic enjoyment of the fairer sex with anyone I am with. And, I am a hedonist. I truly enjoy new experiences, whether a fine wine, some new cuisine which I have never encountered, finer things such as music or film.

    And this extends to women.

    It’s been said by a few that you do not pay an escort for sex; you pay them to go home afterward. And that, at this stage of life, is probably most appealing to me. It’s the thrill of enjoying someone different, not just their body, but their mind and the intimacy. It makes me value more what I have now in my life, instead of feeling restless and leaving them because “I need a change of pace” or “maybe there is something more fulfilling out there”.

    And, while I am quite able to head out to a club and woo some pretty girl with great banter and genuine interest and respect, the strings and expectations after this are not feasible at this time. Almost every woman I’ve seen try and turn it into something more immediately after an established one-night-stand scenario.

    Perhaps this maundering isn’t even pertinent. but I thought I would add to this, as a person who has been with escorts, and even befriended one or two (without any other expectations than just chit-chat).

    • escortdiary

      Hi, Thank you for commenting

      But I have to ask you: If your reasonings are not societal, then what are they? Sorry, I do not buy into this notion that one’s desires for ‘variety’ is biological.

      Your reasonings for seeking something ‘new’ are very much the outcome of the modern social context which you live within (I am assuming a Western-capitalistic society). I will write about this later, because I have noticed that men from different parts of the world (having different outlooks on life, family, love, etc) have often a vastly differing approach when it comes their perception of prostitutes and love.

      In contemporary Western societies, we are heavily indoctrinated into seeking something ‘new’ and ‘different’ in everything –it’s so tragic that this mentality is projected on other human beings (increasingly). If you want to understand this more, I suggest googling the terms ‘planned’ and ‘perceived obsolescence.’ This is what I consider the dehumanizing aspect of sex work (which hurts clients too — as many clients seek a meaningful encounter that is not impersonal).I am not saying this to advocate monogamy (as I am not monogamous myself), but I do think two people can experience a connection (love and sex) that can satiated each others desires …to take it beyond a ‘pointless’ encounter, where ‘each become both.’

      Also, you mentioned, as others have, that the ‘easy’ part about paying prostitutes is that one is essentially paying her to “leave” afterwards. This mentality of having ‘no responsibility’ is very much the product of a society that embraces individualism and independence. I, too, am guilting of this mentality, because often I do not want to get too personal with clients either (again, it has problematic implications for both escorts and clients). But I argue that many men do not have this mentality, which makes it apparent that different social upbringings produce different individuals (thus, not biological).

      • simi69

        Dear Escort lady
        Men are wired for multiple partners based on the study by science too. So the biological requirement for men to seek more women may be correct. also see the large number of sperms produced by a virile man which could fertilize many women. hope that explains the extrovert nature of men towards sex partners

      • escortdiary

        Sorry, but I (and many social scientists) would disagree with the biological narrative that you mentioned. Science has a very uncomfortable position within social phenomena — so I’d be very wary of accepting biological explanations on behavior between men and women. Such notions were popular in Western discourses in recent history (18th century onwards), but they are fiercely debated in current postmodern academic thought. Yes, some of the great thinkers of the past (such as Freud and Darwin) are heavily criticized in current times, as they often made the mistake of seeking biological explanations for SOCIETAL behaviors among the sexes.

        Women are just as capable as men of having multiple partners/desires. Modern gender roles play a very important role as to why men seem more ‘horny’ than women. It is not biological. It’s the result of dominant discourses of gender and sexuality, which influence how men and women should ‘properly’ behave.

      • t0r1n

        Hi, and thanks for the well-rounded response.

        I’m quite aware of planned and perceived obsolescence. In fact, my job at my company deals with it as a business model on a daily basis. You might say that it pays my paycheck. I cannot definitively say that this is, in fact, not a product of society. But I was pretty much raised the puritanical way; that you grow up, get married, stay with one girl, have kids, grow old and die together.

        After spending much time (read: a decade) in Europe, even in the more conservative countries like Switzerland for many years, I’ve seen that the standpoint there is much more relaxed and more toward the celebration of a woman’s physical form. Trysts or affairs are not uncommon, and also (of my friends whom I keep in touch with) have never been grounds for a divorce. In other words, having some “fun” doesn’t seem to be as serious as it is in the States, and honestly, I think that Europeans are healthier in this mindset.

        One thing that grabbed my attention was the “dehumanization” factor you mention. It’s never been that way for me. I’m not “using some dirty whore” (or any extrapolation of that) when I have seen an escort. It’s ever been an experience… much like a night out with a friend, or watching an engaging TV show. Persona, physical form, and the act of sex itself measures the experience for me, more than merely “yeah, I had that chick”. That being said, people are people, and are more individual than any sweeping generalization I can make about them. So, most of my post above was my own situation, rather than making assumptions about others.

        I do too believe that “people” can have a monogamous relationship. I’m not trying to foist my beliefs onto others in this regard; I’ve had a specific set of circumstances occur in my life which led me to this pass, and honestly, I wouldn’t wish my life on another (as interesting and exciting as it seems to others from the outside).

        If you’re attempting to analyze my own perspective, I suppose the flaw I see with your reasoning is that you’re connecting emotion with sex, and that does seem to be common. I cannot say whether that is right or not, but it’s not for me. Emotion stands on its own from the sexual act. I’ve had sex just for sex, sex with friends, and sex-for-relationship. I’ve also been friends with two of the escorts I saw. Aside from the appointment, I did not engender them for sex; we were friends.

        Even with them, they both had separated the sex-as-a-job from sex-as-love.And in one instance, one opened up enough later to offer me sex-as-love (no charge). One was not physically more satisfying than the other, in actual fact. The emotional component does add something to the mix; don’t get me wrong. Let me make the analogy of (as I know this pretty well) eating a meal you took hours cooking as opposed to going out to a nice, high-class restaurant. Both enjoyable. both have their differences.

        As to your last paragraph… I think you mistook my intent on that. Or perhaps not. I don’t believe that sex should require responsibility (well, beyond protection and clear statement of intent). It’s self-fulfilling on both sides, if both sides are willing to go at it.

        I do believe that Western women are indoctrinated by romantic comedy movies to add more weight to the act of sex than is really healthy. Don’t get me wrong; romcoms are nice when they happen to you. but it’s not unless you find that perfect person in all facets, not just “meet for coffee, one look, fall in love”.

        So, in actual fact, you can say that the societal points also apply to women as unrealistic examples in the day to day, and attempting to make something of a physical act. I personally believe women are geared into being shallow rather than deeper people by such societal obligations (meet the perfect guy, fall in love). If you don’t, and enjoy sex as a girl without that, then you’re a “slut” in Western culture. Europe certainly doesn’t have that stigma until your body count reaches the hundreds, at the least.

        In closing, I find it distasteful on the woman’s side as well as the guy’s side of the fence on societal moral obligation. Too bad society doesn’t agree.

      • escortdiary

        Thank you for sharing. I am very critical on ideas of sex/gender/sexuality because this is what I do as an academic — critiquing and analyzing social phenomena from the vast discourses/narratives that exist. I have added some responses under your quoted reply:

        One thing that grabbed my attention was the “dehumanization” factor you mention. It’s never been that way for me. I’m not “using some dirty whore” (or any extrapolation of that) when I have seen an escort. It’s ever been an experience… much like a night out with a friend, or watching an engaging TV show. Persona, physical form, and the act of sex itself measures the experience for me, more than merely “yeah, I had that chick”. That being said, people are people, and are more individual than any sweeping generalization I can make about them. So, most of my post above was my own situation, rather than making assumptions about others.

        Of course, some clients (like yourself) do not come to view prostitutes in such a way — but there are those who do (in direct and indirect ways) — which is aided by (and reinforces) the stigma/stereotypes of sex workers. Again, not all clients engage in dehumanization viewpoints.

        If you’re attempting to analyze my own perspective, I suppose the flaw I see with your reasoning is that you’re connecting emotion with sex, and that does seem to be common. I cannot say whether that is right or not, but it’s not for me. Emotion stands on its own from the sexual act. I’ve had sex just for sex, sex with friends, and sex-for-relationship. I’ve also been friends with two of the escorts I saw. Aside from the appointment, I did not engender them for sex; we were friends.

        I do understand that sex can be disconnected from emotion — of course. Most of the sex that occurs in modern forms of prostitution is not based on deep chemistry, or deep emotional connections. But it’s my observation that the ‘quest’ for escorts (by certain men) is due to NOT (or infrequently) establishing any GENUINE emotional connection during sex — I must emphasize genuine. In other words, the reason why certain clients are drawn to seeing ‘new’ and ‘different’ escorts is because they fail to establish real intimacy with the other (the escort/ lover/ etc) — they might be unaware of it, because they do not know the difference. I have seen clients where I thought to myself “I feel sorry his wife” — he might have been a nice guy, but in terms of sex he was terrible (terrible, in the sense he assumed his skills were good enough). But I do not place blame on men who are lacking in sexual skills, because how can one expect ‘good’ sex from men when most women do not assert themselves in sex? Blaming women is not sufficient either. Rather, these sexual conflicts are the result of gender roles (pressures for women to be feminine, and men to be masculine — they have profound implications on physical intimacy). Sex with a prostitute further complicates this issue: for instance, if I encounter a client who is terrible at sex, I do not complain. Why should I complain? He’s just paying me. I will only assert myself when a client expresses to give me pleasure (only then, I will tell him what I like).

        If a person can be satisfied with one-sided sex (without emotion), then it makes sense they will seek ‘new’ bodies (because they have no incentive to feel satiated by one person —no emotion). Hope that makes sense.

        Even with them, they both had separated the sex-as-a-job from sex-as-love.And in one instance, one opened up enough later to offer me sex-as-love (no charge). One was not physically more satisfying than the other, in actual fact. The emotional component does add something to the mix; don’t get me wrong. Let me make the analogy of (as I know this pretty well) eating a meal you took hours cooking as opposed to going out to a nice, high-class restaurant. Both enjoyable. both have their differences.

        Sorry, but your analogy, to me, is invalid. Sex with a human-being cannot be compared to different contexts of eating food.

        So, in actual fact, you can say that the societal points also apply to women as unrealistic examples in the day to day, and attempting to make something of a physical act. I personally believe women are geared into being shallow rather than deeper people by such societal obligations (meet the perfect guy, fall in love). If you don’t, and enjoy sex as a girl without that, then you’re a “slut” in Western culture. Europe certainly doesn’t have that stigma until your body count reaches the hundreds, at the least.

        Since this behavior is not the universal (cross-culturally) — then it is indeed the outcome of society (social pressures). And I disagree that Europe does not have this stigma — notions of ‘good, chaste’ women originate from Victorian Era notions of sexual modesty (these Victorian notions of sexual ‘modesty’ have been thrown out in some European societies today perhaps, but they still exist).

  15. tom

    I am a client. Married. Love my wife and children. Marriage is close to perfect. We have a great sex life (wife is very open minded), we enjoy our time together, share mutual interests, having great conversations, love to dine out etc. It’s great! Still I have seen escorts for 15 years, since I was 25. Why? I guess I’m looking for the thrilling experience. Variety. Getting to know other people. I have found that internet dating etc. is too complicated. Escort is much easier, discrete and both parties know it’s business. Yet we can have a good time together. Only a few times I have seen the same girl two or three times. The thrill often lies in seeing a new one. Some are good, some are bad, some are breath taking 😉 Too mee the GFE is more important than the sex, even though sex is ok too 😉

    • escortdiary

      Thank you for sharing that.

      Are you open with your wife about your escapades with escorts?

      • tom

        No. She is open minded, but not that open minded. She is open minded when it comes to exploring new things in bed. We have had discussions about pornography and prostitution, and she is convinced all the women is forced into this, mostly as a result of human trafficking and/or poverty, i.e. having sex with an escort = rape. From my chat with escorts (and adult entertainers) I get the impression that reality may differ from the ‘forced’ and ‘trafficking’ angle.

  16. Robert


    Just thought i’d share my thoughts as a client.

    Ive been visiting prostitutes since i was 18, im now 31, over those years there has been periods where for a few months i would go once a week and other periods where it would be a once every 5 or 6 months thing.

    I dont ever go for companionship, my 1st time was only to see what paying for sex was like compared to not paying for it, since then it has become as easy way to get an attractive women i could no longer meet to sleep with me or for fantasy play.

    Its alot easier to pay a prostitute to have sex with me if im in lingerie or would like to be fucked with a strap on and verbally abused than it is to meet a women who will do that or at least not be judgemental about it, thats about 20% of the time i go.

    The other 80% is because its just so much easier, straight transaction of my cash for her body and over there years paying for sex has become legal where i live so instead of going to a pub and spending most the night trying to meet some one i might aswell spend that money getting exactly what i want.

    All ive noticed after my years of usage is that it takes alot longer for me to orgasm with a non working girl compared to a working girl, upwards of 30 minutes of penetration with a non working girl compared to 2 or 3 minutes with one.

    That isnt a bad thing lol but maybe ive developed a fetish for working girls?

    Thanks for your time.


    • escortdiary

      Thank you for sharing that…

      It seems you are into submissive roles and seek to be dominated, so it’s very understandable why the sex industry is appealing (the openness of it).

      When you mentioned that you find it difficult to orgasm with non-escort women, it made think about the ‘allure’ of prostitutes. I understand your ‘fetish’ for prostitutes, because I, too, find sex in ‘normal’ settings with ‘vanilla’ people very, very boring. A lot of men are more intrigued by sex workers, because many sex workers are very accepting of different sexual needs (and are far more assertive than the majority of ‘normal’ women to express their own desires).

      I am really intrigued by the transition of some men, who had many sexual experiences with prostitutes, into having a ‘normative’ relationship with a non-escort partner. In other words, how does a man, who’s spend years seeing prostitutes, cope with getting married later, to a ‘normal’ partner? This reminds me of a client who once told me, “I want to marry a prostitute, I feel comforting expressing and exploring what I like.”

  17. Dear Sahar
    Greetings Thank you for your blog and articles. I would love to know if you are of what nationality. you have good literary skills. Sexy and intelligent women are a pleasure to know
    Best Wishes

  18. Antonio

    Interesting post. During my lifetime I have been with some prostitutes and I would like to share with you my “intentions”.
    I want to relax in a witty company, a little small talk, freedom, no responsibility. Enjoy a beautiful body… That’s all.
    One of the girls that I used to see, also mentioned “freedom” as a very important aspect of the relationship of prostitutes and clients.
    Life does not have to be complicated, sometimes one’s intentions are quite simple.

  19. Bill Johnson

    I’m a client. Maybe I can give you a sense of the other side. Post a divorce, I woke up one morning and just wanted to get laid. Nothing more, nothing less. Not get in a relationship, not lie to someone in a bar. I live in a major western city. The internet leads to to what you seek. I found professional services. I patronized highly-skilled sex workers. I rarely saw anyone more than one once or twice. Twice was rare. I learned an enormous amount about myself and what I was capable of sexually. I came away grateful and shocked.

    Across 10 years, I’ve seen maybe a hundred people. However…

    Twice I have found myself surprised. And met someone extraordinary. We were both surprised. I ended up off the clock. Neither of us were looking for it. Anyone who goes looking for actual affection this way is probably confused. Anyone who denies it when it happens is a fool.

    I had no secret desire to subvert someone’s living. Nor was I getting worked to rescue someone. There was just some weird honesty that flickered and flared for as long as it could be.

    I’ve left this world for monogamy and long-term relationships. And when they’ve ended, I’ve come back.

    There are amazing people in places society tells you there will not be.

    • escortdiary

      Thank you for sharing that.

      As you said, you were not initially seeking a ‘connection’ but rather just something purely phyiscal. I assume the pleasure was one-sided in those instances, meaning you (the client) got your orgasm whilst being indifferent towards the escorts enjoyment (in such a scenario, it’s likely the escort isn’t concerned with getting pleasure, as she’s content enough getting the money). You mentioned how only twice you found someone extraordinary, which shows the uniqueness of chemistry (it doesn’t occur so easily, but only in rare occasions where two people simple ‘connect’ with their desires). It’s my feeling that when one experiences true intimacy, they cannot enjoy meaningless sex as they previously may have (because now, they have an ideal).

      Not all clients are content with just purely physical sex. Some clients of mine tell me they have had meaningless encounters with escorts previously, which did the ‘job’ (made them orgasm) but left them feeling unfulfilled and indifferent. It depends on their life experiences, circumstances and values towards others.

  20. Aphrodite

    great post. I often wonder about their intentions, too.
    My clients come to me for various reasons.
    Some men just want to have sex, some like to talk, some don’t even want to have sex, some love to cuddle me and caress me, in silence.
    When I just started, I thought that clients went to prostitutes for two things: sex and physical contact. But this point of view quickly changed.
    I don’t usually don’t ask these questions. Because I suppose they think it’s annoying, when I do that. So most of things I write in this comment are personal derivations.
    But yes, sometimes they start to give reasons of their own accord.
    Personally, I don’t like it when clients become too intimate.
    I like it when there is mutual trust, though.
    My favorite clients are like buddies.
    You can have nice chat, you laugh, you discuss funny topics.
    And that’s okay.
    But one of my regulars is becoming way too close.
    We never have intercourse.
    So I asked him why he kept seeing me.
    He said: ‘because of the intimacy I miss at home. Sex is something I can have at home, but not intimacy.’
    I feel troubled, thinking about that. I feel guilty, because I know he seeks more than sex and bodily contact. It’s my opinion that true intimacy is something one has to experience with a trustful partner or lover, and not with someone you see once in two weeks.
    For the first time, I felt like he was cheating his wife with me.
    I thought: ‘Please, you can’t find real intimacy with me. I’m a sex worker. Go back to your wife, please….’
    I didn’t say that, of course.
    One thing that struck me most, is the hypocricy I experience from clients.
    They pay me for sex, but they don’t want to realize or hear from me that I’m a sex worker, Deep in their harts, they think it’s a dirty thing, prositution. That’s what I derive. Another time, I had to make clear to a client that he was a nice man, but that he was only a part of my work.
    And he didn’t like to hear that, at all. So we made a compromise, namely that we were ‘sex buddies’ for eachother.
    And that’s what I experience in general.
    My clients see me as a nice sex buddy, someone to be convivial with.

    • escortdiary

      Thanks for sharing that Miss Aphrodite.

      That’s good you can enjoy your regular clients, and can have a mutual understanding with some of them. Indeed, things gets complicated sometimes. I feel your uneasiness about clients getting too intimate and personal. I have had more than my share, and after all these years I learnt that I must be very BLUNT and upfront about my feelings: it’s only business, even though the experience was good for both of us. I try to say it in a sweet and genuine way, so not to hurt their feelings. I just saw a regular client today, who was basically telling me that he’s falling in love, he thinks we have amazing chemistry, and he’d be a great husband to me. He seemed oblivious to the reality that I have ‘amazing’ chemistry with other clients, not just himself. He is not my type at all, and I had to be honest and say “I am not interested in anything beyond the bedroom and I never will be.” This is why I prefer my regular clients to be married, because we can maintain the connection without (hopefully) getting to personal. Almost all single, regular clients eventually want to start a relationship after some time, which seems logical, but I am not interested. In only extreme rare cases I fell for clients beyond formalities, which is happened with my Sheik (currently), my ex-fiancee, and a few others.

      I like what you said here: “It’s my opinion that true intimacy is something one has to experience with a trustful partner or lover, and not with someone you see once in two weeks.” Yes, I agree. True intimacy is not just a good session of sex once in a while, but rather it’s two people intertwining their lives together, through love, commitment, and complete trust.

  21. ps my dear, did you ever read The Art of Seduction by Robert Greene? This is a very fascinating look at the psychology behind love, sex and human relationships.

    • escortdiary

      I have not read ‘The Art of Seduction’ but I shall keep it in mind. I have read on other arts of seduction/eroticism, such as the Kama Sutra, Tantra, Sufi eroticism (which is how I first found your blog 🙂 )

  22. Very interesting…I had one massage client that wanted to cheat on his wife with me. Like I think I mentioned I do therapeutic massage and do not offer any sexual services…but obviously he sensed my sensuality and started asking me questions about my sex life and sharing that his wife had very little interest in sex. I declined and eventually I came to know his wife quite well too and she shared that she had been a virgin before marriage (they are both Indian) and now she wishes that she had experimented a little bit more like I have and experienced being with different boyfriends. I suspect that their sex is very boring (and I know the wife does not orgasm) and infrequent even though there is a strong emotional and social bond in their marriage. I think they both see me as holding keys to the kind of passionate sensuality that they desire but cannot seem to create in their own relationship.
    I have a comfort with sex and with my body and an ability to communicate about what I want and what I like that has come with practice but the best sex that I have experienced was only with one lover who is very open and comfortable and communicative about it like me (he’s the one that I mostly write poetry about). I can be what is considered a good lover with others (and I have gotten a number of “best sex ever comments” he he) but it is like with dancing, the best partner dancing comes when both partners are highly skilled and can match each other.
    And yet I have also worked as a counselor and a number of my male clients developed crushes on me and the thing is that the way you behave towards someone in a therapeutic setting is usually quite different than how you behave towards them in real life. In real life people are subject to the limitations of their relationships, often others put their needs and egos before yours and refuse to give to you in the ways that you might like. But when someone is being paid to provide a service to you, they are treating you with great kindness and consideration, making you feel comfortable, making you feel good, etc. I think that being an escort is probably a lot like being a counselor. You are focused on pleasing the client, in a way that his wife or girlfriend or other women in his world may not be. Women may only provide that level of consideration and pleasure to him when they are totally in love with him. And this is very rare in most people’s lives.

    • escortdiary

      That’s very fascinating dear. I can only imagine that your clients would be throbbing at your very presence, even though you are not providing any sexual services. Just by seeing your writings, I get a sense that your very presence has a very sensual aura. It’s no wonder about this client of yours. I feel sorry for men stuck in marriages with no sex or meaningless sex. I equally feel sorry for women who never experience the beauty of orgasm (perhaps they are too afraid to voice their desires, or perhaps these women express no interest in their sexuality).
      I am curious at how you became sexually confident and aware. You mentioned how it came with practice, but I am sure you got the best experience with your true love? And/or perhaps your work, in massage therapy and counselling, allowed you to meet such a diversity of people, where you came to know about a variety of different lifestyles and desires? This is only my guess. I, personally, find myself the ‘odd’ one among women in terms of my sexual desires. Do you find the same?


      • Your question about how I became more sexually confident made me think a lot. It definitely has been something that has been building up through my last few relationships, but blossomed more fully with my most recent lover of the past two years. There is something very tantric about the energy behind our relationship. I felt immediately upon meeting him that we were tantric lovers in a past life. We have both studied Eastern spirituality and we have both been trained as massage therapists, so these aspects bring certain special elements to our dynamic, especially related to intuitiveness.
        Often people shy away from sexuality because of the taboos associated with the body. My lover is turned on by some of the taboo aspects, the body fluids, the hidden places. I believe this too is a fundamental element of tantra. Even from the first time that we were together I felt very comfortable physically with him. Which is strange because I do not always feel so comfortable emotionally with him. But his sense of physical acceptance and his native South American passion fueled my own natural sense of comfort with the human experience, my own feeling that all parts of self must be embraced and loved.
        I have a deep healing mother energy that comes through me with physical touch. One time a male massage client commented during a massage while I was holding his head and rubbing his temples (and this was a very rich client who had visited a number of massage therapists in the past) “I’ve never been touched like this before.” I knew that what he meant was that he had never been touched in such a loving way.
        All my women friends right now are very sensual too. I have even recently been meeting a few new women friends who are more involved in tantric practice or sex positive groups who comment that I have a very “juicy” energy, but compared to them I am conservative in my attitudes about sex and limited in my experiences. I have never really watched pornography or been involved in polyamorous relationships or that kind of thing. But where I live in Santa Cruz California is a very liberal/hippie kind of area and women are very personally empowered to explore themselves in a lot of ways.
        How about you, how to did you come to embrace your own sensuality so deeply? What about women around you, why do think you are not like them? Love to you sweetie 🙂 Tamar

      • escortdiary

        My dear,

        The love you describes sounds very beautiful, and I know exactly what you are talking about (in terms of tantric lovers), because I have experienced it myself. Such bliss is not something we can just feel with anyone — it’s very spiritual indeed. It’s very sad when this bliss is confronted with the oppressive systems of society, causing lovers to give up their passions in order to conform to societal ideals (making ‘work’ and ‘money’ the basis of one’s life). The current society we live in hardly embraces the arts and non-commericialized expressions of love/intimacy. Mainstream views downplay the art of touch, intimacy and sexual bonds — only later, people realize how vital these simplistic gestures are (and how rare they are to find, just like the client you mentioned who was besotted by your touch). What you wrote reminds me of a quote from the film Kama Sutra: Tale of Love, “The true union between man and woman can take us beyond this animal lust into total trust and merging with the other. Each becomes both. Imagine such bliss.”

        I am glad to hear that you know other women who are quite open, sexually. I should move to your city! 🙂 I only have one female friend who is open, whilst the remainder of my female friends either exploit/ignore their sexuality out of fears, insecurity, or just having little interest all together. I do know of other women who seem ‘open’ sexually, but it’s a bit too extreme for my tastes. I find the mystery and spirituality of sexuality more appealing, and to express it in artistic ways rather than a lewd approach.

        Like you, my openness was a gradual process. I learnt by experience, with clients and lovers. My lovers were devoted and we explored things beyond the conventional. From experience, I became assertive in what I desired and became fascinated by exploring the unconventional. I do not think I would be this way had I been prude or unwilling to sleep with numerous men. Learning about how ‘taboos’ are constructed also made me realize there is nothing wrong with unconventional (or under acknowledged) sexual practices — there are no true limitations to what can ignite desires, but what makes it euphoric is merging such desires with the right person.

        Cheers darling

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