In recent years, I consider myself a courtesan. I have my own definition of it, which is not universal by any means. For me, being a courtesan is, of course, being an ‘elite’ prostitute, yet a courtesan differs in two things: (1) a courtesan is discerning with her clientele, and (2) has autonomy over her body/business. I have not always been a courtesan; in my initial years, I was a ‘high-end’ prostitute/escort. For some, there is no difference. But for myself, there is a difference. As a courtesan, I attract a slightly different clientele. On the other hand, when I used to work for establishments/agencies, I was available to almost any client that would choose and pay for me.
As a courtesan, I have my own business, I have control over what I do, who I see, how much I charge, and when I want to work. I feel blessed to have this ‘good’ situation as a prostitute, yet I’m mindful of it’s fragility (which I will mention later in this post). For the most part, I see regular clients, and then occasionally I like to advertise and see new clients. Unlike most prostitutes, a courtesan does not see just any man who’s willing to pay — this is the difference. I am picky. Men who contact me are, at first, candidates, and then I sift through those who I feel would be good clients. I can only hope my judgement is good. What has resulted from my ‘sifting’ methods is that I have clients who seek companionship and passionate intimacy. In other words, almost all of my clients want the GFE, or ‘Girlfriend Experience.’
In my previous work, working in agencies/establishment, a lot of clients also wanted GFE, yet the settings played a role in how meetings played out. In an establishment/agency, the limitations are more rigid, such as time limits and rates. It’s less personal in some cases, while meetings can also become quite intimate. After all, I met both my romantic Ex-fiance and my Sheik in a brothel setting. I attracted a variety of men while working ‘inside,’ from men who desired ‘quickies,’ to fetish enthusiasts, to men who desired ‘passionate love-making and conversation.’ To be quite honest, I liked the variety of the brothel setting. Sometimes I miss it. The variety, as a courtesan, is less.
As a courtesan, as mentioned, I attract romantic types. The clients are mostly very lovely. While sifting through candidates, I usually choose highly educated men and/or men who seem soft/affectionate. Seems ideal right? Well, I should feel thankful. But strangely enough, being too passionate and too romantic with various men is sometimes difficult. Most of my clients want to make me cum, kiss my body, kiss my lips, cuddle, talk about life, etc. While it sounds great in theory (because I love those things) it’s very difficult sometimes to do those things with men I DON’T LOVE.
For instance, I met a very sweet client a few months ago. He has such a kind and generous heart. When we meet, he always wants to make sure I feel good. He never demands anything, but always offers to massage me, make me cum via his amazing oral skills, or discuss topics that I am interested in. Again, it sounds ideal, right? I really appreciate him, but I find his sweetness very overbearing. After wards, he will send me very sweet emails and tell me how much he enjoyed our time. There is nothing wrong with him, but I don’t feel any love towards him. I have other clients exactly like him in terms of being loving, devoted — yet with others I might feel some attraction, so it’s tolerable. In cases too overbearing, I may decline to see them again.
I can cum with clients whom I do not desire, of course it feels good at that moment, but then, sometimes, feelings of disgust emerge afterwards — not always, but sometimes I feel disgusted that his lips and tongue have coated every inch of my skin. Again, the ‘disgust’ is the result of not being in love nor attracted to him or his body. I don’t always feel so repulsed by such close intimacy with those I do not love, no. It really depends on my mood and my level of attraction towards someone. There are often times I am so aroused that I will forget my emotions and immerse myself with a client’s body, but I need to be attracted. It becomes tiresome to do it constantly without emotion/genuine attraction. I should mention that it’s typically single men (bachelors) who become overbearing. Married clients, who are sweet like this, are more enjoyable, because they still remember it’s business at the end of the day (actually, sometimes married men can get too attached as well!)
Sex Sans Love?
Love and attraction erases all those feelings of disgust/indifference. When I love, the very scent/smells/secretions of my lover become my drug, whereas the bodily fluids of someone I don’t love — it’s ghastly. A very blunt, yet brilliant quote I heard (from the French film ‘Romance X’) said, “I don’t care who stuffs my cunt, but I can’t kiss someone I don’t love.” That statement has truth — the importance of taste and emotion. I do kiss some of my clients, but it can sometimes make me feel sickened — the feeling of attraction is not mutual.
Ironically, despite all that I said, I mentioned I miss the brothel variety of clientele. As a courtesan, I seldomly get clients who just want to fuck and leave. But sometimes, I want that! At least once in a while — some variety! No romance, no philosophical conversations — just pure lust (ok, not always, but …again…variety is nice!). Often my clients write to me and say sweet and sentimental things like, “I miss you” or “Can’t wait to see you again.” Sometimes, I crave the opposite. They never write things like, “I need your hot pussy.” This relates to my persona as an assertive woman (a Femdom), because most clients do not want to disrespect or anger me.
Why do I attract this type, while some other women attract the opposite? I am a bit dominating in an indirect way. My clients, perhaps, detect that I would never tolerate anything less than politeness and respect. It sounds very arrogant what I am saying, but I am speaking of my ‘facade’ (the way I portray myself, not necessarily the reality). When I am in courtesan mode, I act a certain way, dress and present myself in a certain way that is different from my non-work persona. As I mentioned, I can dress myself to be a ‘Goddess’ and perform it — but in day to day life I’m rather simple.
Pragmatic, Not Arrogant
Arrogance is not an attitude I recommend. But unfortunately, arrogance is something many escorts develop from being paid for their time. One thing I always ask myself is: How can long will I be able to be ‘picky’ with my clients? How long will my charm to besot men last? I am always mindful that, perhaps, one day I wont be in demand. A courtesan/escort/prostitute must never be too comfortable in their position. Times may be good, exceptional — ideal. But nothing is fixed. One must always prepare for the inevitable — aging, an accident, emotional issues, an economic crisis, loss of regulars clients, etc. Despite my ‘ideal’ situation, I try to always be mindful that this ‘status’ can be gone in an instant. If I rely too much on my physical looks — I must ask, “How many clients will still desire me if I didn’t have my face and body?” Indeed, some of my regular clients are loyal to my mind, body and soul — not just physical — but still, there is no security this work. Prostitutes can still retain their beauty (inner and outer) and success even when they get older and age (yes). But if one simply lives off their ego and superficiality — the span is very short for such women.