Escorting: Fears, Risks, and the ‘Girlfriend Experience.’

A female reader emailed me and posed an interesting question:

“I wanted to ask if you get any anxiety about stds? I wonder if escorts can ever feel very safe about meeting so many men who may infect them with something very serious.”

To answer her question: yes, when I first started escorting I had severe anxiety over many things, such as worrying about sexually transmitted diseases. Besides worrying about diseases, I was also worried that too much sex was going to damage me internally, by making me ‘loose.’ I wrote about that previously, which can be viewed here:

erotic stockings

When I began escorting, I had very little sexual experience, thus I was a bit fearful of what having sex with strangers might entail. In particular, I was very worried that sleeping with multiple clients was placing me at risk for sex-related diseases. But once more familiar with the industry, I realized that the risk was very minimal as I used a condom for oral and sex. My introduction to escorting  began with a high-end establishment that instructed girls to be extremely safe. And by extremely safe this meant there was no such thing as the ‘GFE’ (the Girlfriend Experience). At this high-end agency, escorts risked losing their job if they were caught doing ‘extras.’ Back then, the owner of this particular establishment prided herself in having girls who avoided GFE. In other words, there would be no kissing, no oral sex without a condom, or anything that’s considered intimate-like. Nowadays, such cautious attitudes do not prevail, and virtually all agencies and brothels embrace more risky services associated with the various interpretations of GFE. Men want the closest to passionate sex as possible from an escort — which is why GFE is highly in demand. Every girl has her own interpretation of what GFE entails — it might be oral sex with or without condoms, it might be light kissing or deep french kissing, etc, etc. Yet despite some girls being a little more/or less open-minded for certain acts of foreplay, a condom is always used for sex in any situation.

I’ve maintained the same stance on being safe. However, there is a slight contradiction. As I mentioned before, I did/do cross boundaries with certain clients. Specifically, I give in to receiving pleasure occasionally. A lot of clients then and now were lovely men, who seduced me in a respectful manner. I seldom stop them if they are talented. In such instances, I lavish in my own vanity and pleasure….and I’d think to myself something highly arrogant, such as, “Ahhh, men pay me to give ME pleasure.



To my readers, I apologize for my absence. I have been writing lots as always, yet most of my writings are half-finished as I’m doing the difficult task of incorporating ideology and context to my observations. What I aim to do is give my readers a broader understanding, and a more ‘academic’ feel for the sex industry. I seek to conceptualize rather than simply sharing my personal accounts. More importantly, I want to avoid ‘essentializing’ traits of men and women, or giving the idea of ‘universals’ for human behavior. In other words, many observed traits of men and women are not innate, but rather are socially constructed. I want to focus on the social conditions that set the norms and habits in certain contexts or circumstances. A lot of what I write is very much context constrained (for the most part, I am writing about ‘high-end’ escorting in a Western social context). Although the experiences and observations I write about are common occurances/trends, they are not universals (they are not traits experienced by all prostitutes cross-culturally, nor historically). I want to make these points clear in my other posts. In any event, I also wish to make this blog a dialogue, so I welcome my readers to comment and share their own perspectives.


January 22, 2013 · 8:19 am

7 responses to “Escorting: Fears, Risks, and the ‘Girlfriend Experience.’

  1. Dear Sahar, I commented on this post with a different profile.
    I know you ‘ve written extensively about the degredation of sex workers.
    Loser moral and sexual values have done NOTHING good for society, and ironically, especially Not for sex workers.
    It’s cynical how loose sexual values correlate with the degradation of sex workers. I hope that in the future you have the time to give your eloquent opinion on the situation, on one side more loose sexual values, on the other side the degradation of sex workers.
    I wish you well,

    • escortdiary

      Hi Aphrodite,

      Yes sure. Sex work is far more degraded with the advent of internet advertising and social media. I have written drafts on this topic, so will try to post it in the future.

      Well wishes dear,


  2. Marin

    I stumbled across this website today for the first time. I do believe things do happen for a reason. I have been escorting for the last two years and i don’t regret any of it. Its a very risky dangerous however amazing experience so far. I can honestly say i love my job regardless of how others may judge or look down on the sex industry.

  3. Aphrodite

    I wrote a post about std’s and condom use. I think it’s rather sad to see so many sex workers give in to extra risky behaviour (and I was one of them).
    I often browse the Net, just to see ‘what’s out there’. Oral with condom has become an exception. Not too long ago , I saw a documentary about the lack of condom use and the lack of self-care because amongst sex workers. Various sex workers in the documentary also pointed out the dangers of Internet and extreme porn, and how it influenced the demands of their clients.

  4. escortdiary

    Thank you for commenting. It is very sad how the sex industry has been degraded further. If one looks at historical and cross-culturally forms of sex work there was at least a sense of community where women could be ‘prepared’ for their work. Now, however, a sex worker is left to care for themselves. There is so much greed, corruption and self-destruction involved in the sex industry nowadays; for this, it is almost more dangerous to align yourself with others in this line of work. Furthermore, there is much emphasis on physical risks, but why not so much on the risk of emotional being?

  5. FINALLY! An intelligent and relevant blog.
    As regards to your note on STDs, yes it is somewhat of a risk. Every girl should be taken aside and shown how to screen for these. But there is no training manual. In some brothels new girls might find a helpful manager or girl but most of the time its jump in and sink or swim.
    It’s not a good scenario really.
    Violet Ivy, Author, Lucky Girl – How I Survived the Sex Industry

  6. arewethereyet

    First, I commend you for your candor about your life and profession and your willingness to help others by way of your blog. There is a compassion coupled with sadness permeating your thoughts. But it must be also therapeutic to “put yourself out there” while remaining anonymous. I actually stumbled upon your blog and am quite enthralled, as others have, by your knack of being concise, relevant and honest. It is refreshing to see. Is the lure of this profession and your self-professed “addiction to money” an attempt to fill a gal or void in your psyche? I am not trying to be Dr. Phil but I wonder if you have thought about it. Coincidentally I recently came across a quote that helped me in a way. I had been asked and unfortunately had the honor to do two eulogies this year and was looking for inspiration and came across this quote: “The happiness of a man in this life does not consist in the absence but in the mastery of his passions.” – Alfred Lord Tennyson. I wonder what your true passion is or if you ever sought to find it. Anyways, please keep being yourself I enjoy learning more about your fascinating life.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s