Social Stigma makes Prostitutes Vulnerable – Dangerous Encounters

Recently I had my first bad experience with a client. In my half-dozen years in the industry, I have never (thankfully) had a bad or scary experience until now. Again , my ego made me feel I was beyond ‘bad’ clients.  My recent experience was with a client I trusted….one who admired me, whom I felt worshiped me. But a sex worker must never be naive and too trusting. A few weeks ago, I feared for my safety. I was in a situation where I felt extremely uncomfortable, and I had lost control of the situation. I was with a regular client of mine, who previously was tolerable and pleasant. However, this time, he was extremely intoxicated — in other words, sloppy drunk. I had only brought two condoms, which he pulled off. Without condoms, I told him politely that we can’t have sex, but he insisted we have sex. He sensed my fear, and he must have sensed that I was ready to leave the hotel. He had traveled far from out of the country to see me specifically, so I understand why he felt upset that I was leaving.  However, his actions were not acceptable. When I got up to leave the bed, he grabbed me aggressively. I stood up, and he followed. He tried to pull my body close to his body, so he could penetrate me. Thankfully, he didn’t, but I knew he wasn’t going to let me leave without getting what he wanted. I grabbed my purse and ran to toilet and locked the door. I desperately wanted to leave the hotel room, but I feared to open the door. I feared he would easily grab me, and rape me. The alcohol had totally changed his behaviour, and he was no longer the funny client I had once known. He was not directly rude to me, but the problem was the alcohol had made him lose any sense of respect. While locked inside, I called the hotel reception and asked them to come to the suite. By this time, I was panicking, crying and shaking. The hotel reception came, and I ran out of the room crying. Although nothing severe happened, the fear alone made me break down. I am a strong woman, but physically I am defenceless to man. This experience reminded me of other bad stories I’ve heard from other escorts. Escorts, regardless of their status on the prostitution hierarchy, are sometimes placed in risky situations with their clients. I remember working at a high-class establishment overseas where there was this manipulative client. He preyed on innocent-looking girls. I was one of them, but luckily my ‘innocent’ look is a farce. He was well-dressed, polite and pleasant initially, but during the booking he tried to pull off the condom before sex. To me, he said it was an accident. Luckily, I caught him before he had the chance to violate me. Unfortunately, other escort girls I knew were not so lucky. One girl saw him on her first day in the industry. He pulled off the condom without her knowledge, and ejaculated inside of her. To add to the wound, he pretended it was an accident and blamed her. After a while, the girls all told their experiences to each other, and we realized this man was intentionally trying to take off the condom. Not only that, the type of girls he chose were all very similar: clean, educated, innocent and ‘good’ girl types. This type of man is a predator, yet none of  us girls did anything. We told the owners of the establishment, and they supposedly banned him. But what does banning him do? He can easily go to another establishment or call any agency, and continue violating women. Why didn’t we call the police and have him arrested? The worst part is that prostitutes are not only physically defenceless, but we are also legally helpless when it comes to getting justice. The end result is the same: Prostitutes do not get justice when they are violated by clients. We do not call the police or report the negative incidents. Why? We fear of associating our legal name with the sex industry. I don’t want any association of my name to prostitution, because my family can find out, I will be stigmatized, etc. Legally, prostitutes may have rights and can get justice in certain countries. But the problem is, the social stigma (and sometimes quasi-legal laws) prevents us from doing so. It would be ideal if we could report incidences without revealing our identity, but we cannot. If something happens to me, will I go to the police? In a severe case, yes, but doing so means I have to ‘out’ myself. Being ‘Out’ in sex-worker slang means to publicly label oneself as a sex worker. For many escorts, it is our biggest fear if others find out that we sell our bodies. Personally, I worry only because society stigmatizes sex workers. For instance, if I ever wanted to apply for a government job in the future,….my chances are effected if my name is associated with illegal work as a prostitute.

The stigmas we face as sex workers adds to our stress.

We are living multiple lives and multiple identities. An escorts life is full of lies, not by choice but by circumstance. These web of lies get exhausting and sometimes I’d rather just retreat from the world than make up stories to explain where the money came from. I don’t want to lie to my family, my lovers or my friends, but do I really have an alternative? Again, I have the agency to make choices in my life……but these choices are deeply influenced by the circumstances that follow. So what’s the solution? Maybe I will have to ‘out’ myself one day if that means protecting myself and others? Experiences like these make me and other sex workers hardened. Many escorts I met are very bitter towards their clients, because they fear to trust anyone. I don’t blame them, especially since they were violated by clients they initially trusted. Of course, not all clients are this way at all, but how do we decide who’s good and who’s not? There are good and bad in all people. Now, my guard is up, but I am not jaded. Thankfully, I can resort the safe arms of my Sheik, my protector.

8 Comments

Filed under "High-class" prostitution, Facts About the Sex Industry, The Escorting Business

8 responses to “Social Stigma makes Prostitutes Vulnerable – Dangerous Encounters

  1. Ivan

    Oh Dear God…..

    That was an AWFUL! experience… so sorry that you had to go through that situation, you know what i think you should do but…in addition, i think you should avoid clients that are drunk or tell them before arranging the meeting that you do NOT want alcohol on your dates, that you will leave if they are drunk, and maybe self-defense classes? still you are a lady so….is not the same thing.

    how do you identify douche-bags? hmm I’m afraid that a good amount of your clients have the potential to be abusive… all you have is your instincts, so dedicate 30 minutes before going to the room, that way you can feel the situation.

    Good Luck gorgeous.

    • escortdiary

      Thankfully, that was the only real incident I’ve ever experienced. My clients treat me well in the sense I am respected and essentially adorned. I always make sure my client is educated and well-spoken before I proceed to book an appointment, but sometimes these well-dressed, educated and well-spoken men are predators.

      • Ivan

        status quo means nothing, actually, when i was in college the guys that had more money were often the ones that told me despicable stories… some of those stories were with their GFs and some of them were with prostitutes or just random girls. My guess is that they were spoiled as children and they get what they want and nobody can say no to them.
        I think i can put my father in this category and most of his friends, when i was a child.. they had this notion that women were sex toys, i have been always careful of what comes out of my mouth and the words they used were just offensive, actually i HATE when girls call themselves “bitches”… a secure person doesn’t has to bark.

        Anyway, stay safe and Good Luck.

  2. Mike

    I pray that you never come across a client like that again. Can only think about how many other escorts that are less fortunate. Money can be a good thing but it’s not everything. Being passionate about what you do and following your heart means more. Sometimes we can get caught in the middle between the money and our true passion; or we become loss in it all. My prayer is that you discover and pursue your dreams again and never be deterred by life circumstances. I am rooting for you. More importantly, I pray that God continues to watch over you. Your writing skills are awesome and you will fulfill your true purpose in life … As well as provide us will more of your wisdom. 🙂

    Mike

  3. Talia

    first, im glad you are fine. you did EXACTLY the right thing. i can only recommend you to explicitly state on your profile that upon an encounter in which the guy is intoxicated you leave WITH the money.

    then…I think you are absolutely right in what you wrote here… I myself decided from the beginning that i wouldnt go through the hassle of having to lie always, so everybody whos important to me knows. Also, I find it necessary to tell the guys im “dating” ( which happens very rarely) about this, since I dont want to be lied to either. yet, i very often get these responses à la ” a woman shouldnt sell her body” and “oh nobody is ever gonna marry you / be able to love you”. i think these guys dont really realise that things like that are very harsh statements, which make me even more angry when the same person has already visited prostitutes (today a guy explained it via the example of: “well, if theres beer in the fridge ill drink it”, translating into if there are prostitutes its not my responsibility if i use them, but i still have the right to judge them). im glad i “came out”, partially cause i know now the people that love me, accept me for who i am and what i do as long as it makes me happy and im not hurting anyone… but on the other hand, im tired of hearing these ignorant things. how are you supposed to deal with that? the social stigma is so bad, i cant understand how people just keep on going on about how “it shouldnt be”, when its in fact the oldest profession that exists and certainly not exclusively due to the fact that all escorts/prostitutes/etc. are gold-diggers ( i myself got raped and rejeted from my dad, who then told me im not worthy of his financial support anymore to pay my tutition fees). i get to a point where i prefer the escort environment and the men i meet there, because its a geniounly purely human connection without these power relations and constant judgements…i love the freedom of my work, that allows me to explore sexuality as what it is: non-verbal communication that connects, which we all need and love. im sorry if this response seems a bit out of line with your post, but im sincerely searching for someone to explain me her/his view on how to deal with the social stigma that comes along inderictly or directly adressed at you. im not worth less cause im an escort. when will society learn that?

    • escortdiary

      Thank you for commenting and sharing that.

      As mentioned, that was the only real scary incident I’ve experienced in this work. In this particular case I was in a different country with strict laws, which intensified my fears. Thankfully, my experiences with clients are good and safe otherwise.

      It’s nice you are open and honest with certain people in your life. Sadly, we don’t always get the reaction we expected. Expect that people will NOT understand. I went through a very short experiment/phase of ‘coming out’ to people around me. I stopped. I realized most people, despite claiming to be non-judgemental, cannot understand sexual minorities (prostitutes). They simply are too indoctrinated in popular stereotypes of sex workers or the sex industry, and they internalize these ideas. For many, the stigma remains even when a person claims they are non-judgemental. They might worry about others knowing of their association with a prostitute, where our stigma ‘rubs off’ on them, risking their ‘reputation.’ It takes a very resilient, empathetic, and intellectual person to resist and critique the oppressive institutions and attitudes of society. Yes, there are a minority of people who truly see us as equals and understand our marginalization, so it’s best to associate with these kinds.

  4. Thanks for showing fabulous information about love and relationship.

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