Addressing Your Questions # 1 – About Escorts, Prostitutes, & Courtesans

A lot of people are curious about the sex industry, which is reflected in the stats of this site. There are numerous phrases people search for in google to find this website. Many of those phrases are asking a question that is related to escorting, prostitution, courtesans, mistresses, relationships with clients, etc. So, I thought I would answer some of the questions that spark curiosity to my readers. Also, if there is a question that you may have regarding any aspect of the sex industry in any context, please let me know. Please remember that my perspectives can be subjective and in some cases biased.

Your Question: How do I tell people that I am an escort/sex worker?

Telling people you are prostitute should be done with extreme caution. Even if a prostitute feels no shame in her profession, she should keep it among intimate friends only. Remember, this is an aspect of society that many people can never understand or accept. Even people who appear non-judgemental towards sex workers might not fully understand the plight of a prostitute. Be prepared to face social castigation (rejection). Having said that, such a secret is difficult to keep inside, because it’s a secret that has shaped sex workers. Prostitution relates to sex, and sex is an intimate, touchy subject in modern society. Sex is also unique to each individual encounter and differs with each person, and thus it’s not easily understood in the same manner by all. If an escort feels compelled to tell someone, then she must tell it to someone who makes her feel safe, a person she ultimately trusts.

Your Question: How do escorts lure men to them? Or in other words, how do escorts attract clients?

Well, many prostitutes do not physically go out and lure men from the streets, unless we are actually working on the street (which is not associated with ‘high-end’ escorting). Escorts do not lure men per say. The transaction requires participants from both sides. Essentially, some men are looking for sex and/or companionship and the escorts are offering their services. In modern settings, escorts place advertisements either online or in newspapers, and clients find these websites where escorts offer their services. Call-girl agencies typically advertise online and in newspapers too.

I have never gone out to find clients in public settings. I advertise and let the men come to me. They view my website and photo’s and make the choice to arrange a booking with me. For men, seeing an escort is a bit of gamble, because clients cannot be sure of what to expect from the escort. The same can be said for escorts, as escorts do not know what to expect from their clients (generally, the hope is clients will be handsome, polite, generous and relatively easily to please).

I should also address what makes men seek escorts in the first place. In other words, what do men seek in escorts instead of their own wives or other non-prostitute women? Non-sex workers probably feel that men are attracted to an escorts immense beauty and sex appeal. But I must tell you that this is a myth; escorts are no different than other women. We are no more exceptional because we are ‘wanted’ by some men. I used ‘wanted’ in quotations because escorts are not truly wanted. Escorts are wanted for a shallow purpose (sex without commitment) most of the time. There are always exceptions to the rule, but in general a prostitute is only wanted for the purpose of sexual fulfillment without emotional acknowledgement.

In Western society, there is a growing importance for sex appeal. Women feel it is important to be sexually desirable to men all the time. This is a very unfortunate part of society, because women are objectifying themselves further by placing their self-worth on their sex appeal. I am guilty of this too. But I must say sex appeal is not a worthy quality at all. Being wanted for shallow reasons never made me genuinely happy.

In the West, normal women are trying to be the ‘ideal’ woman that is promoted by society. But what these women fail to realize is that there is NO ideal woman. For instance, women see how many men are avid porn watchers, so these women try to imitate prostitutes by getting plastic surgeries and dressing provocatively. Meanwhile, such women don’t want their brains to be neglected, so they get educated. The result is ‘educated’ women who uses their sex-appeal to feel powerful, which is a contradiction (they have objectified themselves and made themselves further subordinate to men). The reality is that these women have given away their power by trying to be the wife, the sex object, and the intellectual.

Your Question: How to Be an Upper Class Escort?

There are various factors, and having just one is usually not enough to become successful. Beauty alone may get clients for one visit, but beauty alone will not keep a steady clientele. Having said that, beauty is also in the eye of the beholder. A woman does not have to be exceptionally beautiful to be a successful prostitute, but it’s essential to be physically well-groomed, decently attired, polished, and healthy. The most important aspect is your personality with clients. Typically, clients like women who are nice, affectionate and accommodating. However, personality is also subjective, so I cannot suggest specific traits that clients want.

Again, if one is thinking to become an escort, they have to realize that it is a life-changing experience. An escort may gain in terms of money, but she loses in other ways in the process. Some escorts find the lifestyle easy, while others find it to be a severe addiction that has ruined many aspects of their personal happiness. From my observations, the only escorts that don’t seem to struggle emotionally are ones who numb their emotions with drugs, relaxers, and the various intoxicants.

Your Question: How to Leave the Industry? How to Stop Escorting?

For women who are doing this and cannot enjoy it, then I understand the desire to stop escorting. For me, I don’t despise this work, but it’s still not easy to remain a prostitute in a hostile society (where I am legally and socially condemned by attitudes and laws).

I have a post regarding my thoughts on leaving the industry. My view is rather negative and depressing, because I feel most women remain in the industry. Only in very rare cases I have seen a girl leave the industry for good. But as I mention in that post, prostitutes seem to only leave the industry when they get involved in a relationship, and unfortunately they go right back to the industry when the relationship fails.

I should try to be more optimistic. For myself, I am not sure if I want to quit. As long as clients are good, then I have no quarrels continuing to see them. Yet things become complicated when I’m in love with one man, or trying to ignore the stigma. I enjoy aspects of my job, but unfortunately society doesn’t feel the same way. Even when I graduate from University, I can still make more income working in the sex industry regardless of finding a qualified ‘normal’ job. For women who enjoy this work, rather than quiting, one should try to avoid internalizing this idea that their job is ‘wrong.’ However, for women who do this and DO NOT enjoy it, then it’s wrong. Sadly, what better alternatives are available to women who don’t like selling their bodies? If society made better alternatives for women in poor socioeconomic situations, then they wouldn’t be resorting to this work in the first place.

The industry is somewhat addicting in terms of financial rewards.  The first step is for an escort to understand herself. She needs to assess why she got in the industry and the reasons why she needed the money. Leaving the industry will require immense sacrifice, and perhaps resorting to lower pay. This is not always an option for women. It means getting a ‘normal’ job to survive, and training oneself to work long hours on a schedule. I can understand why for many sex workers, this ‘normative’ life is not appealing.

A materialistic prostitute (a woman selling herself to gain social/superficial prestige –like I started out to be) will find it the most difficult to leave the industry. She is not only facing addiction to the money, but she is also deeply insecure. She has based her entire self-worth on the presence of luxury and wealth. This was once my problem, but now I sell myself because I enjoy the benefits that exists (autonomy,working at my own pace, financial ease) and enjoy seeing clients. The battle I face is with being silenced by society and realizing my profession is not socially recognized. This job is not negative for all women, but it requires great strength to overcome the negatives.

Your Question: I am in love with a prostitute/ escort. Will our relationship be successful?

First, you need to assess what sort of prostitute she is. Ask: Why is she selling herself, and more importantly what factors lead her into selling herself to men? What sort of values does this woman have? A man who is in love with a prostitute must realize that a prostitute does not have the same experiences as a ‘normal’ woman. Therefore, a prostitute will be deeply shaped by her unique experiences, experiences that ‘normal’ women do not encounter. The experiences faced by prostitutes affect their emotions, and mostly in a negative way. For instance, a prostitute who sells herself to gain higher status (live in comfort/luxury) is likely to have a major ego followed by major insecurities. Insecurities do great damage to relationships, which I have experienced. Often, my insecurities caused me to lash out on my partners. I could not bare the idea of being wanted by only one man, when previously I (or my ego) was accustomed to ‘praise’ and ‘admiration’ by numerous men.

My estimate is that a relationship with a prostitute can be successful if she is ready to bring love into her life. Some are simply not ready for this, or perhaps they don’t want the conventional relationship. As her lover, you should also be respectful of her needs and desires, as she might not want to give up her work. One needs to ask themselves, can they handle being with a woman who see’s other men? Some can, some cannot. It’s also not easy for a prostitute to transition into a ‘normative’ relationship when she’s become accustomed to her own independence and lifestyle.

Often, I wish my ex-fiance could have understood me better. But its not his fault. Neither of us knew I was seriously confused about what I wanted in life — after all, I was only 22 back then. Although I was a prostitute, I considered myself ‘normal’ up until being serious with my ex; but later I realized that my lifestyle had made me far from the ‘norm.’ (Which isn’t a bad thing, but I wasn’t accepting it initially). My ex also thought I was a just like other ‘normal’ women because I didn’t look or act like a ‘typical’ prostitute (typical in the context of being vulgar, uneducated). He had expectations of me that were expected of women who don’t sell themselves, but he was not prepared for my ‘baggage.’ Love is strange, and blinding. Despite the constraints I caused our relationship, my ex didn’t give up. He accepted me as I was. Instead, I gave up, because I knew I was only capable of hurting him. I could not promise him anything, because I was too much confused back then — things made sense only later.

Your Question: Do Escorts Fall in Love with Clients?

Yes, it happens. But what I mentioned above illustrates that escort-client relationships are tricky. They are often unsuccessful as either the client cannot commit or the escort cannot compromise her work. So far, I have been in two serious relationships (one currently on-going) with men who originated as my clients. I have also been in love with an additional young man, Khalid, who’s a client, but money is what keep us from being in a serious relationship. Khalid doesnt have the means to give me enough financial support, therefore I refuse to commit myself to him. Instead, the two men who got me, my ex and the Sheik, helped me lovingly and generously. My ex provided for me financially, and so does my current partner. That aspect alone is a deal-breaker whether I like to admit or not. I could never be with a man who doesn’t ‘spoil’ me, because my addiction and ego is too strong (not something I am proud about). My poisoned theory is: why be with a man who doesn’t spoil me when there are many of other men willing to spoil me?

Your Question: Why does society say it’s wrong to be a prostitute?

It is only in modern (Western) history that prostitution has been constructed as a social ‘issue,’ where it became generalized, degraded, devalued and stigmatized pertaining to political agendas of dominant powers. For further academic reading, Michel Foucault explains this in his “The History of Sexuality.” One must be mindful that prostitution has existed in different ways and in different contexts historically, and has not always been viewed as a ‘shameful’ act.

Imagine you are a political elite. You have millions of people in your nation-state, and those people need to be mobilized and controlled. How to control these masses of people? Firstly, you need to assert your dominance. You need to instil fear into the minds of those millions of people, because fear is a great form of control. Thus, you create structures and have massive propaganda campaigns that support your ideals. In this structure, you create strict rules that dictate what is acceptable and what is not acceptable. Of course, you want your followers (the masses) to be loyal and embrace your society/kingdom, so you have to make them believe the rules (of the organization) are ‘good’ and ‘beneficial.’ Now, if you are male, you don’t want a bunch of women running around and having the freedom to choose who they sleep with. After all, in this mentality, women are the producers of future generations. Then, you control the sexuality of women, and by doing that you can control the future children being born into your kingdom. You tell the people that a ‘good’ woman is one who is chaste, modest and only has sex when it’s lawful to do so (in a marriage contract). A woman who has sex for pleasure is totally wrong and bad! Thus, if you are woman who has ‘loose’ morals you are a terrible person, and should be condemned by society. Social exclusion/condemnation is a way of preventing others from defying the norms that benefit your kingdom.

The point in my little story above is to illustrate that prostitution is solely unacceptable in contemporary society because it clashes with the interests of the dominant class. Women’s bodies are still viewed as the essential component to nation building, so most modern rulers are deeply concerned with regulating sexuality. Prostitution as being ‘the great social evil’ is only a recent European historical phenomenon stemming from the late 19th century.

Your Question: Why NOT to become a prostitute / call girl / girl ?

Well, my whole blog gives endless indirect reasons why not to become a prostitute. It should be quite apparent that I’m not entirely content with the situation, but my situation is ideal compared to the majority of others. I do enjoy sex and do enjoy it with some clients, so for me personally, it can be positive. However, most escorts do not have my outlooks. If a woman loathes the idea of seeing and sleeping with different men, then I don’t recommend sex work at all. The reality is that most escorts do not enjoy their work, and are doing it solely for money. Even if a woman can enjoy it, she has to be strong enough to overcome the potential consequences of this work: the added loneliness, living a double life, the loss of touch from reality, the insecurities, being vulnerable to alcohol and drugs as a form of coping, the false facades, the rejection, the shallow values associated with money, the prospect of never trusting a monogamous relationship, the false feeling of being loved and wanted, loss of family/friends and the separation from simplicity (natural happiness). A very resilient woman can overcome these emotional stresses, yet many cannot.

Your Question: How does an escort make money when she has her period (menstruating) ?

Good question. I had the same question when I first joined the sex industry. I had absolutely no idea what the answer would be. I was quite shocked when the madam told me, “Not working because of your period is NOT an excuse!” I was shocked to learn that almost all prostitutes work during their menses. I learned that many had their own methods to deal with the blood. Some women used contraceptives which made their menses disappear altogether. Another technique was used when the period was in its lighter stages in which a red colored condom is used to disguise any droplets of blood. The other more common method was using a sponge (a make-up/ or sea-sponge) that is inserted inside the vagina before seeing a client. The sponge is not felt during sex and it captures the blood thus making the sex blood-free.

Your Question: Is non-sexual escorting classified as ‘prostitution?’

This question is regarding the concept of a ‘social escort,’ which is typically a woman who is paid to accompany men for social events, such as dinners, outings, etc. I have yet to meet a ‘social escort’ who strictly does not have sex with her client afterwards. Indeed there are many clients who seek companionship over sexual intercourse. There are many other sexual acts besides penetration that some men seek. A small minority of clients don’t even request for sex, but rather they like to spend the time talking, or satisfying, perhaps, a certain ‘fetish’ with the woman. Regardless, most clients desire some form of release. I have only encountered a handful of men who didn’t want any release at all (meaning these men didn’t want to ejaculate/come). It is a rarity. Never the less, my theory is a ‘social-only’ escort cannot truly exist. If the man paying for her company likes her, then he will offer more money to get sexual services. The money is too tempting for such a woman to say no. It would SEEM ideal to be a ‘social’ escort in theory in which a woman is paid to just hang out with men. Yet in reality, mingling with men in public is far more time-consuming, less financially rewarding, and much more ‘work’ compared with having sex with a client.

A social-only escort could not charge the rates of a prostitute. For instance, there are some women who provide services other than actual sex. These women refer to their services as ‘sensual massage,’ in which they provide a nude massage complete with hand-release, and maybe oral sex. Since these sensual masseuses do not have sex, they also cannot charge the rate of a ‘full-service’ prostitute. Rate is generally determined by the amount of service provided.


Filed under "High-class" prostitution, Emotional Aspects Related to Escorting, Questions for Escorts And Clients, Relationships, The Escorting Business, Trying to leave prostitution

22 responses to “Addressing Your Questions # 1 – About Escorts, Prostitutes, & Courtesans

  1. Alex

    A brief history before my question, I was a regular of a specific escort obviously I am very attracted to her but that is because she showed that she is very attracted to me as well and verbally expressed that she is, but ofcourse I thought she did or said that to make me feel comfortable. One day I stopped coming due to work and recently I thought of her (more or less 6 months later) I messaged her and she remembers me but she has been out of the business soon after I stopped seeing her, she is in real estate now I was happy for her but she said she still wants to see me after work and come over her place. My question is, if I do see her I am worried of offending her if I ask her “do I still need to pay”? Or after I sleep with her I pay her, please help me I don’t want to offend her.

  2. Brian

    I am 35 years old and my girlfriend who is 42 use to be a prostitute it was troubling to me at first but I love her with all my heart and she loves me and tells me she’s never been in love like this before and even her mother says I never seen my daughter like this with anyone , do u think she will be faithful to me

  3. Nesha

    How do i know the difference between the police and a jon

  4. Pingback: The girls that make £200,000 a year |

  5. Ryan

    This escort I seen for the first time have me oral after she was done she said you can text me whenever. I just looked at her as she was a escort not my girlfriend or anything and she said no really text me whenever so I said okay. What exactly does she mean by that?

  6. holly

    Having a child just to ‘stabilize’ a relationship will undoubtedly produce the opposite effect.

  7. Pat hetic

    I met an escort had strong feelings for. After several months of sex in exchange for money we started going to movies dinners etc. like a couple we went out in public. we also had sex without protection. We spend a lot of time together. We hang out a lot sometimes without sex and no exchange of money. Now all of a sudden she wants nothing to do with me. I’m so confused and I can’t get a straight answer. Was this just for show, a game, a fantasy? Am I a fool to believe that this would actually work?

    • mia

      In response to Path etic:

      Maybe she really started to like you more and that’s why she left, too close. Maybe she has a husband/pimp and he didn’t like how close you two were getting-jealous.

  8. Simon

    What a thoughtful and honest exposition of an escort’s work and life. The sooner people realise that escorts are real people, with real feelings, joys and sorrows like the rest of us, the clearer things will be.

  9. rocky georgian

    Hi there.
    I would like to ask you a question, but before that. I’ll explain to you what happened.
    I met one young beautiful Italian not very high class escort ( she just arrived to UK in London, she speak well) I am young too)
    When I went to her before we got down to business we talk a bit to get to now a bit better anyway
    When we started foreplay I asked her if it’s okay to kiss her sweet lips and same time I showed her my teeth :).
    She gave me cheeky smile and blinked her eye.
    When she said she will do blowjob with condom, and I said to her do as you feel comfortable. But when she went down on me she did without it, and told me do you like it?!
    Anyway i finished quickly.
    than she said. why you came here? Dont you have girlfriend..You look good, have a nice body(i workout) you are funny and polite.
    I paid her for 30 min but i was there for 1hour.
    her action made me to think really a lot.
    So my question is, did she like me?.
    i am form Georgia, the county next to the Russia Ukraine, Armenia..sorry for my bad English i hope you can read it and understand.

    Thanks so much for you articles.

    • escortdiary

      Thank you for commenting.

      Well it sounds that she liked you. Perhaps she was feeling aroused that day and wanted good sex. Or, perhaps, she felt lonely and/or genuinely enjoyed your company. Prostitution is a business, yes, but in some cases the two participants can connect on many levels.

      • rocky georgian

        Thanks so much for your feedback.

        soon ill visit her again ;-).
        I’ll dig more in her personal life:) to understand what Is going on in her mind.

  10. Hi there, thank you for all the valuable information on your posts, they are not for everyone but I do believe I have found the source I have been looking for … I met my wife 7 yrs ago and fell in love instantly, however our relationship was always on again and off again, three yrs in to our relationship I found out she had been an escort before I met her and was continuing with it when we were at our ” off agains”, I confronted her and after denying it at first she hesitantly admitted it, she promised to quit if I committed myself to her so we moved in together and three more years later got married. A year in to our marriage she threw me out of our house and went back to being an escort, again behind my back, when I found out again she told me it is very temporary until she pays off her student loans and then we can get back together again. She has all of the signs in her upbringing that you mention of the typical escort, my question to you is ….. She’s never going to change is she ? she is addicted to the money, yet she wants to have a child with me to stabilize our life together, I want a normal relationship, should I get out now?

    • escortdiary

      I’m sorry to hear about your situation, but on a better note your situation sounds quite common of men who are in relationships with former escorts/prostitutes. It’s often a difficult journey. Perhaps your wife is convinced that she wants a ‘normal’ relationship and marriage with you. However, once she stops working she then feels the withdrawals of her addiction to making money (and making money on her own terms — this is something that escorts love: their independence). Perhaps you need to ask yourself if you love her enough to endure her indecisiveness. And ask yourself if she loves you? If she loves you and she has a genuine and good heart then give her emotional support. Expect that things will be shaky, and understand why she is experiencing these unpredictable emotions (remember, she has experiences that are completely different than a woman who never sold herself). Time will make things more clear.

  11. escortdiary

    Welcome and thank you for taking the time to read and share your thoughts.

  12. Hal

    Your blog is most candid and truthful on the subject of escorting and I applaud you tremendously for articulating so well your thoughts and feelings on the matter. Of all my reading into this subject over the years, your discourse comes out at top. Thank you very much for sharing so openly and for enlightening so many others.

  13. Ayesha.Lovely

    One question i wished you answered. How do escorts and prostitutes protect themselves from hiv/aids/std’s? I understand you can use a condom for intercourse, but what about bj’s? What about oral sex, 69’s, kissing etc? Isnt it up to the male client to tell you what he wants to do? If he wants to please you orally, do you expect him to use a dental dam? Or do you give all your blow jobs using a rubber? Im sure that is a little uncomfortable for clients. Im just curious to know how women in this business are protecting themselves. Especially since many clients are married and going home to their wives and girlfriends.

    That period thing is disturbing to me. In a profession where the woman has the control to make her own schedule, i would think she can take off when she wants. I mean if her flow is heavy, i don’t think that sponge thing would work. Do you let your cliemts know your bleeding at least anyway? I dont think there’s anything wrong with sex during your period, with a partner you trust. But with strangers? Cmon? That up’s your risk majorly for STDS on both ends. I guess that’s why they say this business isn’t for everyone. Because some women are okay with taking those risks and prepare for it. For others, there ain’t enough praying in the world….

    • escortdiary

      Thank you. I will dedicate a post or question period answering that question. It is a very important question indeed

  14. Ivan

    Just a quick disagreement, although im not sure if its appropriate to call it a disagreement but, when you said that when you were in a relationship with your ex you wanted to feel the emotion of feeling wanted by other men, well actually…. I think any beautiful woman is accustomed to feel that since they are 12 years old…im not playing, this btw reminds me of a myth.

    Have you ever heard that people usually say that girls are more mature than guys? and thats the reason girls usually like older guys, when i was a teenager i usually said…. WTF?!
    Well the truth is most of this gorgeous girls receive attention at a young age given them a social experience, so when she faces a guy who can challenge her, then she becomes interested in him.

    Good luck take care

    • escortdiary

      Always grateful for your comments Ivan.

      The idea of women seeking approval from men is not innate. It’s something that women have been conditioned to do (socialization). Why is that? Would a woman who does not objectify herself feel the need to seek approval from men? I think not.

      All the ways we (men and women) behave are due to our socialization.

      • Ivan

        oh… no no no no is not like they are born with that desire of approval, but what i meant is that they are exposed to that “experience” which makes them savvy or gives them social wisdom if you want.

        BUT i heavily disagree that all our behaviors are due to our socialization, ok here comes a little bit of my own past, which honestly is kinda painful, and i think only my mom knows this.

        Since i was child and of course all my life i felt that my family was different and not because they didn’t love me or because i didn’t love them or because they treated me with hate or violence… it was because i was very different and i couldn’t understand some of their behaviors, my brain works in a different way.

        So that made me feel like an outsider which i kinda sense you feel that occasionally due to the standards your family taught you, which btw is 1 of the reasons i read your posts lol

        Good Luck, now im gonna try to read your new post 🙂

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