Monthly Archives: February 2012

Do Prostitutes Really Choose To Sell Themselves?



If a prostitute isn’t being forced to sell herself, then it’s easy to assume she chose to sell herself. Indeed, individualistic societies assume that people have the freedom of choice in life (neoliberalism, the dominant economic ideology, masks its exploitative agenda by using the notion of ‘freedom’). Thus, when someone makes a mistake, the individual is blamed for causing his or her mishap. In Sociological terms, one’s own assertion of power is referred to as agency. Most sociologists argue that one’s agency  is influenced by numerous societal factors/expectations. A prostitute choosing to sell herself is not solely her choice, but rather the outcome of her social circumstances.

Yet it is not surprising how people assume that ‘high-class’ prostitutes make the choice to sell themselves.  This mentality judges everything on the surface, but it fails at  discovering the experiences that preceded it. My ex, for instance, felt I had total agency (power) over my decisions. He didn’t realize I was severely addicted to selling myself, nor that my unique lifestyle had shaped me irreversibly. I didn’t realize it myself back then, as I thought the sex industry left me unscathed. Once the veil is stained.. the stain will remain forever.

At large, society ignores the factors that places stigmatized people in ‘dysfunctional,’ helpless positions. Did they choose to be neglected? Did they choose to be sexually or physically abused, or to have alcoholic parents? This mentality ignores the inequalities that exist in this ‘functional’ structure of society. How can we expect people with different experiences to all act, think and feel the same? It’s unrealistic.

I read a great article by an author named Nekome, read here , titled, How Prostitution Chose Me. The woman gives a great example of how her personal agency was limited by her personal experiences. She was lured to the sex industry. “When real alternatives do not exist, it looks like people are making bad choices. What are the basic rights that all women and children should have so that they never have to make the “choice” to prostitute?” Again, what are the alternatives for a woman who has sold herself? Even if she stops she will still be haunted by her addiction. As well, she has to conceal her past in public settings, and may believe she is a’ bad’ person for her past, which causes emotional distress. When someone is so emotionally damaged inside, is it easy for that person to integrate back into ‘normal’ society and pretend everything is ‘normal?’ Not at all.

Our life circumstances greatly influence our emotions, and thus emotions influence the choices we make. This assumption bothers me: “Why can’t prostitutes work NORMAL jobs and work HARD like the rest of people in society?” I got into prostitution because I couldn’t function in ‘normal’ workplaces. Prior to entering prostitution, I had extreme depression. I tried to work a normal job, but my emotional problems lead to social phobia and anxiety, and thus I could not commit to the linear schedule. Financial strains and pressures from family to succeed increased my depression. Prostitution lured me in, because I could work when I want (at my own leisure).

In my personal experience, it’s so hard to go back to a normal job. I have tried a few times to quit the sex industry and work at a normal job. The problem was not just the adjustment of making less money, but it was lack of commonality with ‘normal’ people. I had to hide everything, all of my personal experiences that defined me. I feared of being rejected or condemned. Often, I avoided making friendships because I hated pretending to be ‘normal.’ So, I ended up being introverted, and I would get depressed as a result. The depression affected my ability to show up at the job, and thus I lost motivation.  Then I reverted back into what I know best: selling myself. Prostitution allowed me to essentially survive while dealing with emotional issues. I could work when my mood was good, and of course retreat when I was feeling depressed. That was how I survived (on the surface).

Prostitutes become ‘poisoned’ once they know that plenty of men are willing to pay large amounts of money for sex. Now, it could be a positive thing, but sadly the modern sex industry is drowned in exploitation. My own experiences are blessed in comparison to the majority — most other escorts are doing this purely for money, and not deriving any pleasure. Thus, they become addicts, and the addiction dictates them. Now, for me, even though I can enjoy aspects, I still endure the pain of being condemned by wider society. It’s easy to assume that I, living in a ‘lavish’ lifestyle, feel content and complete. The reality is I often feel empty, lost and insignificant. It doesn’t help that I hide my emotional problems, and I portrayed myself as emotionally stable and confident. Once, I truly believed I was ‘normal’ too, but now I realize ‘normal’ women do not have the same experiences as I. In my own experience, I want to emphasize that having sex for money is not the problem, nor are clients the problem — rather, it’s the exploitative nature of state regulations and how that subsequently influences society to hate, degrade, silence and neglect prostitutes.

Another woman wrote her experience as being a high-class prostitute:For a great part of 1992 I lived in a beautiful apartment on Capitol Hill. I drove my expensive car. I bought lovely clothes and traveled extensively out of the country. For the first time in my 20 years as an adult woman, I paid my own way. There was no need to worry about affording my rent, my phone bill, all the debts one accumulates simply by living month to month. I felt invincible. And I was miserable to the core. I hated myself because I hated my life All the things I came to possess meant nothing. I could not face myself in the mirror. Working in prostitution lost my soul.Survivor interviewed by Debra Boyer, Lynn Chapman and Brent Marshall in Survival Sex in King County: Helping Women Out (1993), King County Women’s Advisory Board, Northwest Resource Associates, Seattle. (Taken from website: Here)

She depicts it well. ‘High-Class’ prostitutes are living a ‘lavish’ facade, but underneath there is a lot of pain (and if the pain isn’t shown, then it is likely being numbed). How can one explain that a woman, who essentially has ‘everything,’ can feel totally isolated and miserable?  But what is everything? These ideal values (materials, beauty, wealth, and power) promoted by Western societies are a big MYTH, a LIE (it’s BS!). I acquired all these things that society told me will make me happy and wholesome (and more acceptable), but it did the exact opposite. It made me more individualistic, which pushed me further from happiness. And worse, it made me neglect the simple treasures of life (love).

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Filed under Dealing with Depression, Emotional Aspects Related to Escorting

Answering Your Questions #2: Why do women become prostitutes? Do Saudi men see Prostitutes?

One thing I want to note before I answer questions is that my view is biased. Never assume my opinion, or anyone’s opinion, is the absolute fact for all escorts. My life, my experiences all shape the way I evaluate the world, just as anyone else’s opinion is influenced by their own context.  I suggest that people always remain skeptical, because my experience and outlook is not necessarily extended to the views of all prostitutes or escorts.

Your Question: Why do women become escorts? Or, what factors make women become prostitutes?

Answer: From my observations, women who become prostitutes were placed in a situation where they needed money, and perhaps fast money. Most escorts originate from low-socioeconomic backgrounds. However, a new minority of high-class prostitutes are coming from stable-income families. They sell themselves not because they are desperate for cash, but rather they want to be part of the upper-crest of society. The money they make from selling their bodies allows these ‘materialistic’ prostitutes to buy the lifestyle associated with the high-class. The shallow values promoted by Western culture disgust me now, but I was once poisoned by the so-called promise of living the ‘luxurious’ lifestyle.

Many women I have encountered in the sex industry have been neglected in some form. When I meet with another prostitute, I like to ask about her origins. I have encountered women who seemed “normal,” but later I found out many of their life circumstances pushed them out of the realm of normalcy. Most often, I hear stories from women who were hurt by men. For instance, some women were sexually abused, which made them very wary about trusting men or others. It is ironic that such women, despite their mistrust in men, end up selling themselves to men. Often, I heard stories of women who came from a broken home, and were forced to take care of themselves from a young age. There was no element of “choice” in their circumstances. The foundation of family stability was absent for them, which left them alone to discovered how to survive. Society can be quite cruel to lost souls, or those without any familial support. Often lost souls are exploited by others. For instance, young boys without any direction are susceptible to gang involvement, and young women are vulnerable to prostitution and sexual exploitation. Although I, myself, was never abused, I feel I was a lost soul too. I had a poor sense of direction, so I fell easily into things that came my way. Thankfully, I learned how to cope with being a prostitute and conduct my experiences with clients in a relatively wholesome manner. However, it is not an easy task for a modern-day prostitute to remain resilient to all the negativity that currently surrounds the sex industry.

As mentioned in my blog, I came from a middle-class family. It would seem that I had no valid reason to become a prostitute. However, my family separated in my teens, and as a result my Mother, siblings and I became relatively poor. Because I had previously lived in relative luxury, being poor was not an easy transition. I noticed that all my peers and friends were pampered while I had nothing. My Mother tried her best to keep us happy by sacrificing her own happiness. I admire her for doing that. As I look back in retrospect, I feel sad that I internalized the idea that being “poor” was shameful. I internalized the idea that I needed to objectify myself by focusing on physical beauty, appearing elite, dressing well, etc. Yet it’s not surprising when one feels ashamed to be poor, because modern societies valorizes elitism and all things associated with wealth-accumulation. A wise person can learn to ignore the dominant shallow values, but a young mind is very vulnerable to dominant ideas.

When the idea of prostitution was introduced to me, I decided to I try it once. My first client was very sweet, respectable, and generous. What boggled my mind was that this stranger, my first client, was a more pleasant experience than my previous sexual experience (losing my virginity). I felt like a Goddess, and I actually enjoy his admiration of my body. And best of all, I had made a lot of money from that one hour encounter. That money boosted my self-esteem, and I was able to buy things that I needed. In theory, everything seemed good. But only years later, I realized that there are hefty implications for being a sex worker (social stigma, constantly trying to hide my lifestyle/identity, conflicts with love, developing a shallow sense of morality/egoism, etc). Sex with clients is not the bad part, but what became difficult is reconciling my livelihood as prostitute with a hostile (outside) society that condemns me.

When I started, I made lots of money very fast and what seemed effortlessly. And I lavished in it, and believed I was improving my life by owning all the luxury items and appearing physically beautiful. Clearly, like many in Westernized societies, I was conditioned to believe that my self-worth could be improved with money. Western-Liberal capitalistic societies values money, power and social status/prestige. When I was younger, I was not aware of how much I was being influenced to value money. I was so blinded, because I thought money would solve my problems, but actually it made me more individualistic, materialistic, and most all of, emotionally empty. I chased money because it enhanced my social status, but at the same time I neglected love and relations with wholesome people. I soon learnt that adopting shallow values only attracted shallow people — and these shallow people have zero comprehension of genuine forms of love, inner beauty, wisdom, etc. I came to notice how the so-called ‘cool’ and ‘glamourous’ people were actually devoid of any wholesomeness — they became utterly unattractive upon this epiphany. I was puzzled at how people I met in impoverished countries seemed much happier than the ‘privileged’ elitists in the Westernized states. Why is it people who are poor in developing countries are happier than the poor in the West? The poor in developing countries have family and community, and their kinship societies protect individuals. Only once I was immersed in the shallow ‘luxurious’ lifestyle, I realized how the “promise” was a farce. Now, ironically, I admire those who DO NOT exhibit the traits I once admired.

Your Question: Do Saudi men go to Prostitutes?

Yes, some Saudi men visit prostitutes. But so do some men from all cultural backgrounds. Men of certain cultures may frequent with prostitutes more than others, but this is not “part of their culture” but rather an outcome of their socio-political context. As well, clients do not visit prostitutes for all the same reasons, so it’s hard to lump all clients into one category. Men have various and complex reasons for visiting prostitutes, and it’s not always just about sex.

In my experience, Saudi students have been a noticeable clientele due to various factors. For one, they are coming to a new country where relations between men and women are open, as opposed to home. Given they have scholarship money, it’s often easier for some to visit a prostitute for sex and companionship than the task of meeting women elsewhere. In many cases, I’ve come across Saudi clients who want more than just sex, they want a relationship.

Some Saudi students will try the services of a sex worker when they first arrive in their country of studies. This is because they have been deprived of expressing their sexuality. At first, visiting a prostitute may seem appealing. Initially, the prostitute is an outlet for their deprived sexual desires, and a prostitute is more accessible and convenient than trying to find sex elsewhere (nightclubs, bars, etc). In my observation, however, most Saudi students will not find casual sex appealing or fulfilling. Instead, they will yearn for a girlfriend-like relationship where they can receive affection and care from a woman, rather than a purely business-transaction from a prostitute. Almost all Saudi clients I’ve met, who were not married, asked me if I would consider being their girlfriend, which indicates they desire companionship. The fact I am a prostitute from a similar culture indeed influences their desire towards me. I don’t think sex, alone, is very satisfying for them, as they often want to express their romance in non-sexual ways too.

In my case, I have become the caregiver to some Saudi students. They resort to me when they are in need of affection, and sometimes chemistry arises. Often, as I’ve said before, sex is not the prime objective of these Saudi patrons. One client invited me to his home so he could prepare me a Saudi feast of kabsa. He was extremely respectful and didn’t try to ravage me, but rather was happy to have me as company.  And my Sheik, technically still my client, evolved to be my partner and lover. He found affection in me, and grew attached to me despite my stigmatized profession. Like others, he said he see’s me not for my profession, but for who I am. While this sounds romantic …again, it’s a temporary romance with the Saudis.

My theory for Saudi students also applies to Kuwaiti and Emirati international students, because some share a similar experiences and have been prior patrons of mine too. This theory does not apply to older Saudi men, because they are usually married, and thus their reasonings for visiting prostitutes are different than the students. I have less experience with older (over 35) Saudi men because they are a rarity in my city. The few older Saudi clients I did have were visiting, and were also married. I suppose working in Bahrain or the Gulf would give me a totally new experience of Saudi patrons, as the dynamics are different.

An interesting article was written, called Arab’s Got Prostitution,” which discusses the wide-spread use of prostitutes among Khaleeji men. The article has valid points, however I don’t feel it is fair to demonize all Khaleeji clients of prostitutes. Like all clients, there are ones with good and bad intentions — clients have numerous reasons for resorting to sex workers. While there are many “bad” clients who see prostitutes as sexual objects to use in a neglectful sense, there also exists “good” clients who realize our hardships and treat us with respect and humility.

It is important to understand the prostitution phenomenon in the Middle East within it’s modern context: Modernization, Neo-Liberalism, Imperialism, Globalization, War, Fundamentalist Sexual-Discourses, etc — complex socio-economic reasons contribute to why prostitution is increasingly rampant in a degraded state.

Many emergent and conflicting political, cultural and global factors have lead to Saudi men being popular patrons of prostitutes. Old gendered norms blended with new demands for modernity (Westernization) has had dire implications. Saudi youth, for instance, are now marrying much later compared to the past, due to spending their early 20’s getting an education, trying to find a good job. Old customs of bride-price (mehr) have become more extravagant, thus making it harder for young Saudi men to get married given many are not financially stable until their late 20’s. Given that Gulf laws restrict dating and interaction with non-related members of the opposite gender, unmarried Saudis are caught in an awkward position. New interpretations of gender that impose strict chastity are not compatible with new social realities (what made sense in 7th century Arabia cannot be applied to a 21st century context). Since many men do not have the financial means for ‘traditional’ marriage until their late 20’s, they are essentially pushed to find intimate bonding elsewhere. It’s unrealistic for a person in their 20’s onwards to abstain from seeking comfort/affection with another person. Thus, prostitutes become an ideal outlet for some. The outcome of numerous factors certainly correlates to men resorting to prostitutes in neighbouring Bahrain or other countries. What is tragic is when certain men (regardless of their culture or religion) show no sense of responsibility or genuine respect towards these women, which thereby conditions men to think it’s okay to ‘use a woman’ with no emotional attachment. Not all clients have a ‘neglecting’ intention towards prostitutes, but sadly many do. Even worse, discourses exist to aid a double standard in society, where ‘fallen’ women are seen as the culprits. Such neglecting behavior negates the essence of Islam, because Islam emphasizes social justice for people. The Gulf state governments have basically “sold out” to the lure of the West. Their attempts to ‘protect’ the so-called ‘traditional’ culture is a mere facade, as the old ‘traditional’ practices simply are incompatibly in the new social realities.

Your Question: Why do some men prefer prostitutes for sex?

This is a subjective question. But there is something I think about often: many prostitutes are assertive women. They have their own money and they are independent. Many do NOT cling to men, because men are multiple for a prostitute. It is not a big deal if a prostitute is unsatisfied with one man, because there are plenty of men who can replace him. Some prostitutes develop confidence over time in her sexuality because of her experience.

“Normal” women (women who don’t sell their bodies) make this assumption: pleasing the man will win his heart (it wont!). I have not read that popular book, “Why Men Love Bitches” yet, but the title alone is enough to support my argument. Men need challenge, men need mystery….and men need a woman to be assertive!  A woman can still be herself and be assertive too; this does not mean she has to be dominant per say in an extreme sense. Also, the importance of personality is so crucial, and a lot of women forget about their own needs and desires. Investing all your time in your appearance might attract men, but it won’t keep the worthy ones interested. The very popular trend of women divesting their intellect and making themselves sex-objects is not very wise — as it only attracts men who view women as an object. Being beautiful, only on the outside, does not translate into being a desirable, assertive woman. A woman who thinks she can please a man by giving him, for example, oral sex everyday isn’t very challenging either. What about a woman’s pleasure? Why are most ‘normal’ women not assertive about their own sexual needs? Perhaps because ‘normal’ women are still timid about sex. This is what, perhaps, differs between some prostitutes and ‘normal’ women; prostitutes become comfortable with their bodies and sex appeal because it’s our job. For instance, I am quite demanding in my personal sex life, yet in a subtle way. I know what I desire and I am open to express it with the right man. I have certain sex expectations from my experiences with talented lovers. I cannot be with a man who doesn’t know how to give me amazing orgasms. If he can’t please me, he better learn or he will lose me. I only gained this confidence from my experience in the sex industry. For every lousy sexual partner, there is a great talented lover…so why settle for less? I’d much rather be alone than be with a man who treats me less then what I expect. Without these experiences, I probably would be too timid to demand sexual pleasure.

In a vain sense, I feel the men in my life serve me. Sure, I am a ‘service provider,’ but essentially men feel a bit intimidated by me. They know I am sexually experienced, so they know that pleasing me is not an easy task. I pose a challenge to my lovers. The irony is I can be quite insecure. But with men, initially, I would never dare to expose my insecurities.

Your Question: Do Prostitutes Enjoy Sex with Clients?

This really depends on the individual (the sex worker). Some women can get aroused by certain clients, and other women are absolutely repulsed by clients trying to give them pleasure.  One escort I met told me she was molested as a child, and resultantly she hates sex with clients. She told me her services are very ‘restricted.’ She said she could never kiss a client, or allow a client to kiss her body, because the idea sickened her. Clients will argue that women who don’t enjoy sex should NOT be a prostitute, but that’s too simple to say. This woman shouldn’t be selling herself, but again many of these women do not have a choice. They were placed in a position of desperation, with limited options. Or perhaps they might have been facing some sort of addiction, and selling themselves is the only method that works for them. I feel deeply sorry for these women, because they despise selling themselves, and yet society has made no alternatives for them.

Personally, I have ‘enjoyed’ some men as clients, but it is not enjoying it the same way I enjoy my lovers (then again, all my lovers originated as clients). I say ‘enjoyed’ because sex with a client cannot compare to having sex with someone I love. I can even orgasm with clients who push the right buttons, but there is still a difference. I connect with some of my clients and feel desire with some of them. What I enjoy is a client who is easy going and not demanding. Essentially, a client is enjoyable when I feel totally relaxed. In any event I cannot show a client my displeasure; I, a prostitute, must act as if pleasure was in my nature.

My desire for certain clients depends on my personal life. When I am working and not in a relationship (single) I enjoy sex with clients more. They are my only source for sex when I am single, because I avoid casual sex. But when I am in love with someone, the idea of a client devouring my body is sometimes harder for me to digest (not always, but sometimes love can affect seeing other clients). It’s really confusing: I can still have an orgasm with a client, yet I can also have no desire afterwards for him. For me, I am just making the best of the moment with that client. For instance, I had a client not too long ago who was an absolute gentleman. He was generous, extremely respectful, and he actually made me orgasm twice. Did I enjoy it? Well, at the moment, yes and no. He had amazing sexual skills and was warm and intellectual, but of course I am not in love with him at all. He wasn’t my type either, so although he made me cum I was not really attracted. I cannot genuinely enjoy a mans touch unless I love him or feel truly attracted.

Now, if a sex worker started to develop feelings for her client, then of course she will enjoy his touch.  After all, my ex-fiance was my client. Instantly we had chemistry upon meeting, so I did enjoy his touch.

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Filed under "High-class" prostitution, Facts About the Sex Industry, Questions for Escorts And Clients, The Escorting Business, Trying to leave prostitution, Types of Clients, Types of Prostitutes

Addressing Your Questions # 1 – About Escorts, Prostitutes, & Courtesans

A lot of people are curious about the sex industry, which is reflected in the stats of this site. There are numerous phrases people search for in google to find this website. Many of those phrases are asking a question that is related to escorting, prostitution, courtesans, mistresses, relationships with clients, etc. So, I thought I would answer some of the questions that spark curiosity to my readers. Also, if there is a question that you may have regarding any aspect of the sex industry in any context, please let me know. Please remember that my perspectives can be subjective and in some cases biased.

Your Question: How do I tell people that I am an escort/sex worker?

Telling people you are prostitute should be done with extreme caution. Even if a prostitute feels no shame in her profession, she should keep it among intimate friends only. Remember, this is an aspect of society that many people can never understand or accept. Even people who appear non-judgemental towards sex workers might not fully understand the plight of a prostitute. Be prepared to face social castigation (rejection). Having said that, such a secret is difficult to keep inside, because it’s a secret that has shaped sex workers. Prostitution relates to sex, and sex is an intimate, touchy subject in modern society. Sex is also unique to each individual encounter and differs with each person, and thus it’s not easily understood in the same manner by all. If an escort feels compelled to tell someone, then she must tell it to someone who makes her feel safe, a person she ultimately trusts.

Your Question: How do escorts lure men to them? Or in other words, how do escorts attract clients?

Well, many prostitutes do not physically go out and lure men from the streets, unless we are actually working on the street (which is not associated with ‘high-end’ escorting). Escorts do not lure men per say. The transaction requires participants from both sides. Essentially, some men are looking for sex and/or companionship and the escorts are offering their services. In modern settings, escorts place advertisements either online or in newspapers, and clients find these websites where escorts offer their services. Call-girl agencies typically advertise online and in newspapers too.

I have never gone out to find clients in public settings. I advertise and let the men come to me. They view my website and photo’s and make the choice to arrange a booking with me. For men, seeing an escort is a bit of gamble, because clients cannot be sure of what to expect from the escort. The same can be said for escorts, as escorts do not know what to expect from their clients (generally, the hope is clients will be handsome, polite, generous and relatively easily to please).

I should also address what makes men seek escorts in the first place. In other words, what do men seek in escorts instead of their own wives or other non-prostitute women? Non-sex workers probably feel that men are attracted to an escorts immense beauty and sex appeal. But I must tell you that this is a myth; escorts are no different than other women. We are no more exceptional because we are ‘wanted’ by some men. I used ‘wanted’ in quotations because escorts are not truly wanted. Escorts are wanted for a shallow purpose (sex without commitment) most of the time. There are always exceptions to the rule, but in general a prostitute is only wanted for the purpose of sexual fulfillment without emotional acknowledgement.

In Western society, there is a growing importance for sex appeal. Women feel it is important to be sexually desirable to men all the time. This is a very unfortunate part of society, because women are objectifying themselves further by placing their self-worth on their sex appeal. I am guilty of this too. But I must say sex appeal is not a worthy quality at all. Being wanted for shallow reasons never made me genuinely happy.

In the West, normal women are trying to be the ‘ideal’ woman that is promoted by society. But what these women fail to realize is that there is NO ideal woman. For instance, women see how many men are avid porn watchers, so these women try to imitate prostitutes by getting plastic surgeries and dressing provocatively. Meanwhile, such women don’t want their brains to be neglected, so they get educated. The result is ‘educated’ women who uses their sex-appeal to feel powerful, which is a contradiction (they have objectified themselves and made themselves further subordinate to men). The reality is that these women have given away their power by trying to be the wife, the sex object, and the intellectual.

Your Question: How to Be an Upper Class Escort?

There are various factors, and having just one is usually not enough to become successful. Beauty alone may get clients for one visit, but beauty alone will not keep a steady clientele. Having said that, beauty is also in the eye of the beholder. A woman does not have to be exceptionally beautiful to be a successful prostitute, but it’s essential to be physically well-groomed, decently attired, polished, and healthy. The most important aspect is your personality with clients. Typically, clients like women who are nice, affectionate and accommodating. However, personality is also subjective, so I cannot suggest specific traits that clients want.

Again, if one is thinking to become an escort, they have to realize that it is a life-changing experience. An escort may gain in terms of money, but she loses in other ways in the process. Some escorts find the lifestyle easy, while others find it to be a severe addiction that has ruined many aspects of their personal happiness. From my observations, the only escorts that don’t seem to struggle emotionally are ones who numb their emotions with drugs, relaxers, and the various intoxicants.

Your Question: How to Leave the Industry? How to Stop Escorting?

For women who are doing this and cannot enjoy it, then I understand the desire to stop escorting. For me, I don’t despise this work, but it’s still not easy to remain a prostitute in a hostile society (where I am legally and socially condemned by attitudes and laws).

I have a post regarding my thoughts on leaving the industry. My view is rather negative and depressing, because I feel most women remain in the industry. Only in very rare cases I have seen a girl leave the industry for good. But as I mention in that post, prostitutes seem to only leave the industry when they get involved in a relationship, and unfortunately they go right back to the industry when the relationship fails.

I should try to be more optimistic. For myself, I am not sure if I want to quit. As long as clients are good, then I have no quarrels continuing to see them. Yet things become complicated when I’m in love with one man, or trying to ignore the stigma. I enjoy aspects of my job, but unfortunately society doesn’t feel the same way. Even when I graduate from University, I can still make more income working in the sex industry regardless of finding a qualified ‘normal’ job. For women who enjoy this work, rather than quiting, one should try to avoid internalizing this idea that their job is ‘wrong.’ However, for women who do this and DO NOT enjoy it, then it’s wrong. Sadly, what better alternatives are available to women who don’t like selling their bodies? If society made better alternatives for women in poor socioeconomic situations, then they wouldn’t be resorting to this work in the first place.

The industry is somewhat addicting in terms of financial rewards.  The first step is for an escort to understand herself. She needs to assess why she got in the industry and the reasons why she needed the money. Leaving the industry will require immense sacrifice, and perhaps resorting to lower pay. This is not always an option for women. It means getting a ‘normal’ job to survive, and training oneself to work long hours on a schedule. I can understand why for many sex workers, this ‘normative’ life is not appealing.

A materialistic prostitute (a woman selling herself to gain social/superficial prestige –like I started out to be) will find it the most difficult to leave the industry. She is not only facing addiction to the money, but she is also deeply insecure. She has based her entire self-worth on the presence of luxury and wealth. This was once my problem, but now I sell myself because I enjoy the benefits that exists (autonomy,working at my own pace, financial ease) and enjoy seeing clients. The battle I face is with being silenced by society and realizing my profession is not socially recognized. This job is not negative for all women, but it requires great strength to overcome the negatives.

Your Question: I am in love with a prostitute/ escort. Will our relationship be successful?

First, you need to assess what sort of prostitute she is. Ask: Why is she selling herself, and more importantly what factors lead her into selling herself to men? What sort of values does this woman have? A man who is in love with a prostitute must realize that a prostitute does not have the same experiences as a ‘normal’ woman. Therefore, a prostitute will be deeply shaped by her unique experiences, experiences that ‘normal’ women do not encounter. The experiences faced by prostitutes affect their emotions, and mostly in a negative way. For instance, a prostitute who sells herself to gain higher status (live in comfort/luxury) is likely to have a major ego followed by major insecurities. Insecurities do great damage to relationships, which I have experienced. Often, my insecurities caused me to lash out on my partners. I could not bare the idea of being wanted by only one man, when previously I (or my ego) was accustomed to ‘praise’ and ‘admiration’ by numerous men.

My estimate is that a relationship with a prostitute can be successful if she is ready to bring love into her life. Some are simply not ready for this, or perhaps they don’t want the conventional relationship. As her lover, you should also be respectful of her needs and desires, as she might not want to give up her work. One needs to ask themselves, can they handle being with a woman who see’s other men? Some can, some cannot. It’s also not easy for a prostitute to transition into a ‘normative’ relationship when she’s become accustomed to her own independence and lifestyle.

Often, I wish my ex-fiance could have understood me better. But its not his fault. Neither of us knew I was seriously confused about what I wanted in life — after all, I was only 22 back then. Although I was a prostitute, I considered myself ‘normal’ up until being serious with my ex; but later I realized that my lifestyle had made me far from the ‘norm.’ (Which isn’t a bad thing, but I wasn’t accepting it initially). My ex also thought I was a just like other ‘normal’ women because I didn’t look or act like a ‘typical’ prostitute (typical in the context of being vulgar, uneducated). He had expectations of me that were expected of women who don’t sell themselves, but he was not prepared for my ‘baggage.’ Love is strange, and blinding. Despite the constraints I caused our relationship, my ex didn’t give up. He accepted me as I was. Instead, I gave up, because I knew I was only capable of hurting him. I could not promise him anything, because I was too much confused back then — things made sense only later.

Your Question: Do Escorts Fall in Love with Clients?

Yes, it happens. But what I mentioned above illustrates that escort-client relationships are tricky. They are often unsuccessful as either the client cannot commit or the escort cannot compromise her work. So far, I have been in two serious relationships (one currently on-going) with men who originated as my clients. I have also been in love with an additional young man, Khalid, who’s a client, but money is what keep us from being in a serious relationship. Khalid doesnt have the means to give me enough financial support, therefore I refuse to commit myself to him. Instead, the two men who got me, my ex and the Sheik, helped me lovingly and generously. My ex provided for me financially, and so does my current partner. That aspect alone is a deal-breaker whether I like to admit or not. I could never be with a man who doesn’t ‘spoil’ me, because my addiction and ego is too strong (not something I am proud about). My poisoned theory is: why be with a man who doesn’t spoil me when there are many of other men willing to spoil me?

Your Question: Why does society say it’s wrong to be a prostitute?

It is only in modern (Western) history that prostitution has been constructed as a social ‘issue,’ where it became generalized, degraded, devalued and stigmatized pertaining to political agendas of dominant powers. For further academic reading, Michel Foucault explains this in his “The History of Sexuality.” One must be mindful that prostitution has existed in different ways and in different contexts historically, and has not always been viewed as a ‘shameful’ act.

Imagine you are a political elite. You have millions of people in your nation-state, and those people need to be mobilized and controlled. How to control these masses of people? Firstly, you need to assert your dominance. You need to instil fear into the minds of those millions of people, because fear is a great form of control. Thus, you create structures and have massive propaganda campaigns that support your ideals. In this structure, you create strict rules that dictate what is acceptable and what is not acceptable. Of course, you want your followers (the masses) to be loyal and embrace your society/kingdom, so you have to make them believe the rules (of the organization) are ‘good’ and ‘beneficial.’ Now, if you are male, you don’t want a bunch of women running around and having the freedom to choose who they sleep with. After all, in this mentality, women are the producers of future generations. Then, you control the sexuality of women, and by doing that you can control the future children being born into your kingdom. You tell the people that a ‘good’ woman is one who is chaste, modest and only has sex when it’s lawful to do so (in a marriage contract). A woman who has sex for pleasure is totally wrong and bad! Thus, if you are woman who has ‘loose’ morals you are a terrible person, and should be condemned by society. Social exclusion/condemnation is a way of preventing others from defying the norms that benefit your kingdom.

The point in my little story above is to illustrate that prostitution is solely unacceptable in contemporary society because it clashes with the interests of the dominant class. Women’s bodies are still viewed as the essential component to nation building, so most modern rulers are deeply concerned with regulating sexuality. Prostitution as being ‘the great social evil’ is only a recent European historical phenomenon stemming from the late 19th century.

Your Question: Why NOT to become a prostitute / call girl / girl ?

Well, my whole blog gives endless indirect reasons why not to become a prostitute. It should be quite apparent that I’m not entirely content with the situation, but my situation is ideal compared to the majority of others. I do enjoy sex and do enjoy it with some clients, so for me personally, it can be positive. However, most escorts do not have my outlooks. If a woman loathes the idea of seeing and sleeping with different men, then I don’t recommend sex work at all. The reality is that most escorts do not enjoy their work, and are doing it solely for money. Even if a woman can enjoy it, she has to be strong enough to overcome the potential consequences of this work: the added loneliness, living a double life, the loss of touch from reality, the insecurities, being vulnerable to alcohol and drugs as a form of coping, the false facades, the rejection, the shallow values associated with money, the prospect of never trusting a monogamous relationship, the false feeling of being loved and wanted, loss of family/friends and the separation from simplicity (natural happiness). A very resilient woman can overcome these emotional stresses, yet many cannot.

Your Question: How does an escort make money when she has her period (menstruating) ?

Good question. I had the same question when I first joined the sex industry. I had absolutely no idea what the answer would be. I was quite shocked when the madam told me, “Not working because of your period is NOT an excuse!” I was shocked to learn that almost all prostitutes work during their menses. I learned that many had their own methods to deal with the blood. Some women used contraceptives which made their menses disappear altogether. Another technique was used when the period was in its lighter stages in which a red colored condom is used to disguise any droplets of blood. The other more common method was using a sponge (a make-up/ or sea-sponge) that is inserted inside the vagina before seeing a client. The sponge is not felt during sex and it captures the blood thus making the sex blood-free.

Your Question: Is non-sexual escorting classified as ‘prostitution?’

This question is regarding the concept of a ‘social escort,’ which is typically a woman who is paid to accompany men for social events, such as dinners, outings, etc. I have yet to meet a ‘social escort’ who strictly does not have sex with her client afterwards. Indeed there are many clients who seek companionship over sexual intercourse. There are many other sexual acts besides penetration that some men seek. A small minority of clients don’t even request for sex, but rather they like to spend the time talking, or satisfying, perhaps, a certain ‘fetish’ with the woman. Regardless, most clients desire some form of release. I have only encountered a handful of men who didn’t want any release at all (meaning these men didn’t want to ejaculate/come). It is a rarity. Never the less, my theory is a ‘social-only’ escort cannot truly exist. If the man paying for her company likes her, then he will offer more money to get sexual services. The money is too tempting for such a woman to say no. It would SEEM ideal to be a ‘social’ escort in theory in which a woman is paid to just hang out with men. Yet in reality, mingling with men in public is far more time-consuming, less financially rewarding, and much more ‘work’ compared with having sex with a client.

A social-only escort could not charge the rates of a prostitute. For instance, there are some women who provide services other than actual sex. These women refer to their services as ‘sensual massage,’ in which they provide a nude massage complete with hand-release, and maybe oral sex. Since these sensual masseuses do not have sex, they also cannot charge the rate of a ‘full-service’ prostitute. Rate is generally determined by the amount of service provided.

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