Social Participation — No Place for a Prostitute

Prostitutes are marginalized in almost all societies in the world today. I am fully aware that I have to conceal the fact that I sold myself as a commodity in order to ‘succeed’ in any future career. Let’s face it, we do not value comfort women, because they ‘contaminate’ the prescriptions of society. We do not think how or why they do it, or if they enjoy it. Society tells us these ‘non-conformists’ are unworthy of love…un-worthly of acknowledgement. In this mentality whatever does NOT benefit the society and it’s status-quo is simply ignored or dismissed. I like what Amber (beinganescort @ blogspot)  wrote in one of her posts about how people are quick to condemn prostitutes, but they never consider our emotions.

Sometimes, however, I have a desire to ‘come out.’ Sometimes, I want to go against society, and test the barriers. How will others treat me when they know about my past? Will I be labeled? Will I be taken seriously? Probably not. Yet, why can I not have a voice?   The answer is simple: I fear rejection. Rejection from one person is one matter, but rejection from society is another. I remember meeting a very educated and ambitious escort in her mid-30’s. Her and I got quite close when we were working together, however she never dared to reveal any personal information about herself. I never knew her real name. I never knew her ethnicity. I did know she was planning to work in international law, and that’s all. Why does she have to hide her shame? Even if she does become successful, she can never share her emotions of her experiences in the sex-trade.

Again, I mentioned in previous posts: to avoid being rejected or outcasted in society, I conform to the prescribed ideals. I do not tell people that I am prostitute, nor do I dress, look, or behave like what is stereotypically expected of one. Lately, I’ve grown tiresome of concealing my identity. I used to have a huge fear of people judging me. The only fear that really remains is my family finding out. My parents are too old to understand the bigger picture, and moreover I don’t want them to worry about me. I do not need to tell everyone what I do, because it’s sex– and sex is something that is intimate between myself and the participant. However, you might ask: Why do you have a public blog talking about your work? The answer is simple: it’s my outlet; it’s also for girls who may be in a similar position than me; it’s also for those who want a realistic insight from an escort rather than relying on fictional-depictions found elsewhere.

Years ago, I used to place myself on a pedestal above other escorts/prostitutes. I felt that I was ‘above’ them because I didn’t look or act like a “whore.” However, I have come to realize that I am just like every other prostitute. There are no real social hierarchies…, at the end of the day, a prostitute has sex for money (and it doesn’t matter if she is working on the streets or she is driving a Mercedes). Now, I feel no shame. Why should I feel shame about something I did? If I hurt anyone I only hurt myself…I did not hurt others. I don’t feel I am a bad person, so why allow myself to feel I did something terribly wrong? Who says its wrong? Sure many can argue that a prostitute contributes to a man cheating on their spouse. But again, who instilled these values? Are these values of fidelity and pureness innate? Or were we socialized to accept these values?

Film for Thought: Malena, starring Monica Bellucci, always puts me to tears. It’s a classic example of society, and how they marginalized the character Malena for her non-conforming habits. The beating scene is so powerful, because finally we get to hear the pain felt by Malena. Her voice was silenced throughout the whole movie. Everyone in town was quick to condemn her, but nobody cared to hear her voice. In a recent history lecture our class came across the topic of prostitution in a historical context. My professor wanted to note how the voices of these women, the prostitutes, were silenced…nobody knew their stories. She said if they (the prostitutes) had a chance to have a voice perhaps they wouldn’t have been treated harshly. Again, how can one dictate who can or cannot have a voice?

The beating scene from the film Malena. The village women taking their revenge on a woman whom they never once spoke too.

“Honor and shame are two sides of the SAME coin”

– Kama Sutra: Tale of Love (film)

*On a less serious note: I thought it was only young Saudi men who had a fondness towards their mothers. My older Saudi client, the 50’something year Dad, has left town. Apparently he is quite bored where he is, so he calls me usually everyday with his little-to-no English. He has began to call me his Mother…he says it multiple times: “enti (you’re my..) ..Mather…mama….ummm..Motherrrr.” I find it funny, and to be honest I like it. An old Saudi man referring to a 20-something year old girl as his Mama…, in a foolish way, it makes me feel honored.

19 Comments

Filed under "High-class" prostitution, The Escorting Business

19 responses to “Social Participation — No Place for a Prostitute

  1. Ivan

    hey new post =)

    ok here we go… i have a couple ideas on my mind but before… I ABSOLUTELY love that movie Malena, and the 1st time that i watched it made me cry too, (and i consider myself a tough guy :p)

    You are talking about society, but i want you to understand why we have that type of raw instinct, to reject prostitutes. Our instincts our emotions have an explanation, if thousands years ago someone found a lady having sex with another man that wasnt her “husband” how would that man knew that if she became pregnant that baby was his baby? that could ruin a tribe, yes today we have Tests but our emotions our instincts are outdated.
    I could go deeper about this, but i just want you to pay attention that when it comes to sex and when it comes to love, its all about instincts and emotions. VERY IMPORTANT

    I honestly believe that you are afraid of rejection cause you reject this style of life yourself… You dont want to be in the position you are right now, cause it goes against what you believe.

    About you enjoying someone calling you “mather”, this is telling me that you want a family. You dont belong to this world sweetie and every post you keep writing, screams it. btw what happened to the saudi girl? curious, cause if you dont want to give it a try I COULD! :p

    • escortdiary

      Thanks so much Ivan. I look forward to your comments 🙂

      • Ivan

        well what a coincidence, I look forward to pretty much everything you post on this site….You are very smart.

        So how about that Saudi Girl? can i get her address? just kidding :p. recently i met a girl from Qatar, she is so sweet and she is one of the most brilliant minds i have ever encountered and she is kinda cute… but she was born with a cleft lip, its something tiny but you can notice this makes her feel insecure, i met her through my GF and she kinda remind me one of your previous posts, when you said that we all have the right to be loved….lol i told her i wish i was a muslim living in Qatar so i could marry you and her.

  2. Dave

    In my mind, the main reason prostitutes are considered a ‘lower’ class of person is that the brothel was supposed to be a place where a man could have sex without familial consequences. In other words without the possibility of bringing the prostitute and any child he may have fathered into his family. Once you make the prostitute an equal, you have to admit responsibility for a child you father by her and that child has the same moral claim on you as a child you fathered by ruthlessly seducing a ‘good girl’. That said, not all prostitutes have been outcasts. In earlier times a courtesan who sold her body to kings or nobles might gain a place at court and some degree of influence. Also, the traditional geisha was a definite cut above normal people and Japanese wives were known to hunt for the best geisha for their husbands as a skilled geisha elevated a man’s status and that of his family. Unfortunately, there is no accepted ‘place’ for sex workers in many modern societies built on standards many of its members cannot adhere to. Such unrealistic standards are very damaging both to the individuals who won’t be able to conform to them as well as to the legitimacy of the social structure. By putting such things ‘outside’ social norms, you merely free that segment of society you KNOW is going to turn to them from any restraint whatsoever and enable some truly hideous practices. I’m grateful for your sake that you have so much control over your situation. Also, I don’t think it at all foolish that you feel honored by your client calling you Mother. This is proof that he has a great deal of emotional trust in you and has allowed you into a very tender part of his heart.

  3. Kat

    I was an escort for 2 years. I gave it up 3 years ago, just before I graduated. I used to find it hard to keep it secret. I was ashamed about it and would have felt awful if my family and people at university found out. Unfortunately people at my part time job found out. Well they had suspicions at least. I could tell because people started asking me odd questions like “have you got any tattoos” and “does your flat have a balcony”. They’d obviously heard rumours and were trying to confirm if I was said escort. One bitchy woman said “she’s very expensive” as I walked past. Im sure another person blatantly said “she’s a prostitute” as I walked by. I got very paranoid and would often suspect potential clients that contacted me of being my fellow workers trying to get info. Especially when I got calls at work, Id imagine my fellow workers were hiding around the corner watching me squirm.

    When I started escorting I was foolish and I sometimes told clients where I worked, not thinking they may know someone there, but someone obviously did. My job was very unskilled warehouse work. I didn’t have much respect for a lot of people I worked with, so luckily I did not really care what they thought of me. Most of the people were very uneducated, narrow minded types who considered me as stuck up anyway because I was a student and more well spoken than them. So I enjoyed it slightly when I sensed they were gossiping about me. I did get a buzz that I made more money in 2 hours as an escort as they made working in the warehouse for a week. But at the same time I was glad to leave that job and the gossip behind. I still ashamed about being an escort and wish Id done it in another town.

  4. Mike

    What struck me was your first paragraph. You say that you have “sold myself.” In saying that, you have internalized society’s prejudices. You do not “sell yourself” any more than a musician, actor, plumber or nurse uses his or her body to provide a service. You provide a service, using your body, but you remain a separate individual who belongs to yourself, not your customer.

    • escortdiary

      Yes, you are right indeed. I wrote this post back in 2011, where I (unknowingly — like many) internalized the stigma (societal prejudices). It was quite revolutionary once I became aware of my internalization. At best, I try to ignore societal prejudices, but it’s easier said than done. After all, every aspect of society is institutionalized into gendered, class and racial norms. We can ignore them, indeed, but it’s not without setbacks.

      Prostitution in essence (sex for money) is not problematic. However, the recent commercialization and neoliberalization of sex-work has resulted in very exploitative, degraded and negative consequences for those involved.

      • Mike

        I hope you don’t mind that I commented on a 2011 post, without realizing that your thinking had changed (evolved?). I am reading your blog from the earliest entries moving toward the more current, and I’m proceeding somewhat slowly. As I have said, somewhere along the line, I do find your thoughts to be interesting and illuminating.
        I’m not quite sure I understand your last point, but I will keep reading. That is, I’m not quite sure I follow your point about sex work having become more commercialized. It seems to me that, almost by definition, sex work is commercial. But maybe I’ll understand better as I get more current in my reading.
        I hope you continue to post as often as you can.

        Mike

      • escortdiary

        Thanks for commenting again Mike.

        Sure, sex work has always had the element of exchange in some form. But by commercialization, I meant the way sex work has been ‘rationalized’ into an ethics of modern capitalism (making it de-personal, standardized, etc). If one looks back at sex work historically and in different contexts, it wasn’t manifested in such a de-personal manner.

  5. Dear Escort Diary
    Greetings After reading some articles on your blog I understand that you are an escort for financial reasons . you also appear to be intelligent and well educated. i wanna know few things from you

    If you have overcome your financial crisis why cant you leave escorting if you want . as it is you work independently. iam sure to escort or not is your wish and your work is secret and not open in public domain with pics etc
    What do you feel of the porn stars who do all their work in public domain and are yet leading public lives eg Sunny Leone who is a well known porn star and a celebrity too all over the world including India

    Why is it that so many women want to sell their body for money by escorting/ modelling/ cyber sex/ web cam model etc. i am amzed to see the Number of ladies on cam eg myfreecams.com
    there is another cat of women who like to expose voluntarily in public as seen on net eg voyeurclouds.com

    It is really impossible to understand women. they do everything they want for their advantage but are never really happy about it

    • escortdiary

      Hello,

      Thanks again for the keen interest. I think you slightly misread my writings. I started doing this for financial reasons, yes. I continue to do it for money, but also I do enjoy aspects of my work and seeing clients. As mentioned, I am more like a courtesan now, where I can choose how I work, whom I see, and what happens. I don’t actually have any desire to give up this work, as I’ve recently come to embrace having an alternative lifestyle.

      Indeed I want to pursue other things, but I see no reason to stop seeing regular clients of mine. But only time will tell. Previously I was looking for conformist ways of living life, but I realized that ‘normative’ lifestyle is not for me.

      Also, you cannot generalize and compare all women in sex-related businesses. The circumstances of each individual may be similar, but there is still diversity and uniqueness among each individual. Mainstream pornstars, like Sunny Leone, are in a different realm than myself — I do not conduct myself in the same manner as a porn actor.

      Why do so many women sell their body? I have written posts trying to address this question. From a broader perspective, the explosion of sex workers relates to the political, social and economic structures of contemporary global politics. It’s a very complex issue — there are also gender roles and social norms that deeply influence why women are viewing themselves as sex-objects (neglecting their mind). I do believe prostitution can manifest in wholesome, good ways (but sadly, the vast amount of prostitution that occurs today is very degrading, exploitative and negative for sex workers).

      When women have such limited options in a society to make decent money, prostitution/sex-related work can see very appealing. There are other political, social and economic factors at play, such as culture, war, poverty, social welfare policies, increasing misogyny in the media, increasing consumerism in society, increasingly neoliberalization, etc. Again, the reasons are very complex.

      • simrat1969

        Thamk you sahar there is a lot of depth in your answers would love to know and speak with a lady like you (Not for Sex)

      • simrat1969

        what about women who like to show off their body even without wanting money. ref voyeurcloud.com what is their pyschology

      • escortdiary

        Rather than psychology, one should think about the social environment. We live in an age of increasing consumerism (where the media bombards us with marketing/advertising, which influences how people behave/perceive themselves). A lot of popular media glamorize women as sex-objects, and embraces them in positions of docility/subservience/objectification. These images are extremely influential to young women. Given that mainstream society embraces this ‘dumbing-down’ of women, it’s not very surprising that many women mimic these ‘ideals.’ It’s simple a reflection of the debauched ’empty’ values that are projected from the media.

        It’s my observation that a lot of ‘sexy’ women who show off their body are not really enjoying sex (they just portray themselves as sex objects, without actually being aware of their own sexual spirituality). What they enjoy is the shallow attention and short-term ‘rewards’ from their behavior — which, I believe, hurts them later in life. Sadly, such ’empty-minded’ behavior is rewarded in mainstream society. Why do we reward ’empty-minded’ habits? The answer is simple: keeping people ignorant generates a lot of money for big-businesses.

      • Dear Escort diary
        Thank you for your kind reply. you write really well and have a great understanding of the issues

  6. Aphrodite

    Stories about the social rejection prostitutes have to face keep amazing me. Why, after all these years, haven’t they ( the rulers, the governement, the rich, the VIP’s etc…) learned anything from the prostitutes?
    Pledges against prostitution, criminalization, demonizing…have never helped prostitutes. Black and white, good and bad…
    Well, somehow I understand why people see prostitution with simplicity.
    It’s a complex phenomenon.
    There are no unambiguous causes and solutions for prostitution.
    But I still can’t grasp why people don’t TRY to look further than their own narrow opinions 😦 But that will remain a rethorical question, I’m afraid.
    Reading about prostitution makes me often sad and angry, so I try to not being confronted by these shallow, one-sided stories, which is a quite a ‘mission impossible’.
    ‘There are no real hierarchies.’ So true.
    In the end, sex workers, whether being streetworkers or high class escorts, will be spit out, once our work is known.
    ‘Malena’, I never saw this movie.
    Hmm, I doubt if I ever want to see it….

  7. Aphrodite

    Yuk, aweful scene was that :(.

  8. simi69

    very true Aphrodite that is no way to treat a woman

  9. Aphrodite

    Monica Bellucci is known for playing distinctive and daring roles, for which I admire her. Also, her view on prostitution is refreshing. At least, for a renowned actress. I don’t dare to say if she would condone prostitution, Anyway, she is an interesting woman.
    I think she’s a woman of pleasure. Not in that sense of her being a prostitute of course, but as, litteraly, a woman of pleasure. Someone who finds pleasure in little things, who is totally at easy with who she is (that’s what I can derive from her interviews at least), and with her sensuality.
    I’ve written a short post about her.
    When are you going to write again? I’ll be an avid reader again 😉

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