Monthly Archives: October 2011

They say ..”Love is Stronger than Pride..”

Scars always remain…just like the stain on my veil will never go away. In this sense, I will always be a prostitute. Inshallah one day I will stop and do something that truly makes me happy, but regardless….I will always have a unique perspective on life that I cannot share with most.

I mentioned in previous posts how I conform to social norms in public settings. This society is not kind to those who do not conform. To avoid out-casting myself, I conform when I must. Sometimes, I have to pretend to be “sweet and innocent”…..when inside I’m feeling depressed and bitter about life.

More than often I am in the company of a ‘normal’ women. When I say ‘normal’ I am referring to women who do not sell their bodies (and women who probably condemn the idea of prostitution). Of course, I am a master of disguise. I blend in well. I pretend to be like them, and share commonalities. But the truth is I am deeply damaged inside compared to these girls. My life experiences differ vastly. I enjoy meeting new people, but only for a short amount of time. If I cannot be myself and feel comfortable, I’d rather avoid the situation. I prefer to be in company of people who know the ‘real’ me now.

On a personal note. I am deeply in love. The best things in life happen when one does not expect it. It has now been one year since the Sheik and I met. I cannot leave him. He is the first to greet me in the mornings and the last one to kiss me goodnight. We may not have the chance to share our life together forever, but we share our moments together now. He loves me, and I love him …and that’s all that matters. Our love has progressed with every kiss. In the past posts, I was always complaining about our love, but now I feel like saying “Alhamdolillah”….because I must be thankful….he has been a great addition into my life.


Filed under Dating a Saudi Student - also my Client, The Sheik

Sahar, the Prostitute with a Heart of Gold?

I would like to think of myself as a virtuous prostitute, if such a title could exist. The fact that I have sex before marriage means that I am anything BUT virtuous. However, if one puts virtuous in the context of being a prostitute who still retains wholesome, moral values, then I consider myself virtuous. People tend to think escorts, or prostitutes, have poor attitudes, dress vulgar and engage heavily with intoxicants. For me, I don’t drink, I don’t dress vulgar in my day-to-day life, and am rather conservative in other aspects of my life. Am I the only ‘virtuous’ prostitute, …or do others exist?

For some men, I fit the mold of an ideal partner — other than, perhaps, that I happen to be a prostitute. I attract men who want a serious relationship, yet the problem is my fierce need for self-governance. However, my desire for independence conflicts with my natural urge for needing love and belonging. Again, the story of my life is how to reconcile these conflicting ideals.

It feels good that one of my closest friends is now aware of my lifestyle (that I am an escort). She said to me, teasingly“Do you think you are the Mother Theresa of prostitutes? This was in reference to our conversation about some clients I have encountered. I was telling this friend how I feel sorry for some men, the ones who are sweet but do no possess the social skills to ‘pick up’ women. I told her how I sympathize with some of my clients. For instance, when I meet a man who may not be handsome or socially accepted but has pure and honest heart…I will treat him well, and I want to show him love (even if it’s only for one or two hours…I want to show him my affection, even though I do not actually love him).

It is the greatest injustice that we commit as human beings: denying love to others. Neglecting and lacking love is what contributes to a lot of social problems. Denying someone love from an early age can have many negative reactions in the future. So, always be thankful to be alive. Again, problems we feel here in the West are NOTHING in comparison to the serious issues (such as famine and war) faced by those in the peripheral. Be thankful everyday, and do your best to provide someone (even a stranger) with some compassion. Where does one get the idea that we should deny anyone love? I ask myself this question. I denied my ex the right to continue to love me. We are now separated for a year…and I must admit that I still love him. Yet I also love my Sheik. In a perfect world, I could love all of them and provide my affection to all. Unfortunately the world is full of possessiveness, emotions, and angst.

Escorts, especially the beautiful and successful ones, can develop huge egos. They think their vaginas are gold and superior (when in reality there is no such thing). As result, the money and the attention from men makes these women develop an arrogant attitude. This has happened to me too. However, whenever my egos gets too inflated, the natural equilibrium kicks in to push me back down to earth. Anyway, some girls never come back down to earth (become humble), and resultantly these women treat men who are not handsome or ‘cool’ as inferiors. I have seen this many times: a ‘beautiful’ co-worker of mine belittling and criticizing a lovely and sweet client just because he wasn’t ‘hot.’ Interestingly, those ‘cruel type’ escorts don’t do well long-term in this industry, because decent men don’t come back to see them as a regular client. The rule is that shallow attracts shallow. A beautiful escort with an ugly heart will only attract shallow, empty men (ie: rich coke-addicted clients). As a result, these shallow escorts are the ones who’s beauty and success fades the quickest. And sadly, they end up as most shallow people do (addicted to drugs, partying, materialism, showing off — anything to hide their emptiness).

As cliche as it sounds, it is really true: true beauty does shines from within; it begins in the heart, and therefore a person who’s ugly from within is not beautiful. When egotistical escorts judge clients on shallow basis (just how some clients judge escorts on the same terms), it’s saying more about themselves than the person they are judging. Personally, I have deep empathy for good-hearted men who face rejection, so I try my best to show them affection and provide them with a service that is genuine.

A few instances I have come across clients who had some obvious imperfections (by society’s shallow standards). These men did not fit society’s superficial ideals (ie: following trends, having a certain look, wearing a certain attire, etc). Many naive escort women feel ‘business’ men, who dress sharply in expensive suits, are ideal. For me, shallow-types are for the most part utterly boring and unappealing. Of course, not all men who wear suits subscribe to shallowness, but ‘elite’ men whom behave boastful and value typical ‘mindless’ traits like money/power have no personal value to me. I’ve observed that the men who’ve tipped me the biggest sums where NOT egotistical types, nor were they trying to showcase their wealth. They were wealthy by chance, and did not feel the urge to flaunt it, but rather they were modest and practical

The Concept of using “High-class” as an Escort?

I am skeptical about the name that is assigned to women like me: high-class. It signifies that I am superior over other prostitutes because I’ve conformed to the ideals of the rich. As I get older I’m starting to see how sick this Western society and mentality is: this society brainwashed us to worship the rich, the powerful, and the beautiful (yet, are these people really the ones who are altruistic, humanistic, and empathetic??) Our society tells us to value the worst aspects of society: the elite, “exclusiveness,” the upper class of snobs who exploit the masses. What other name can I advertise myself as other than ‘high-class?’ Should I be the ‘socially conscious and intellectual escort? Unfortunately, to be part of this perverted game, I must conform to what will bring me business: the high-class escort. If only I could advertise myself as: I am a ‘Halal’ Escort…..

Film for thought: I watched an Algerian film that depicts a Muslim prostitute. It’s called Viva L’Algerie. I suppose the character playing the prostitute was ‘halal’…because there is a scene where she wears her modest Islamic outfit (possibly an Abaya) over her sexy slinky dress for work.


Filed under "High-class" prostitution, The Escorting Business