Scars always remain…just like the stain on my veil will never go away. In this sense, I will always be a prostitute. Inshallah one day I will stop and do something that truly makes me happy, but regardless….I will always have a unique perspective on life that I cannot share with most.
I mentioned in previous posts how I conform to social norms in public settings. This society is not kind to those who do not conform. To avoid out-casting myself, I conform when I must. Sometimes, I have to pretend to be “sweet and innocent”…..when inside I’m feeling depressed and bitter about life.
More than often I am in the company of a ‘normal’ women. When I say ‘normal’ I am referring to women who do not sell their bodies (and women who probably condemn the idea of prostitution). Of course, I am a master of disguise. I blend in well. I pretend to be like them, and share commonalities. But the truth is I am deeply damaged inside compared to these girls. My life experiences differ vastly. I enjoy meeting new people, but only for a short amount of time. If I cannot be myself and feel comfortable, I’d rather avoid the situation. I prefer to be in company of people who know the ‘real’ me now.
On a personal note. I am deeply in love. The best things in life happen when one does not expect it. It has now been one year since the Sheik and I met. I cannot leave him. He is the first to greet me in the mornings and the last one to kiss me goodnight. We may not have the chance to share our life together forever, but we share our moments together now. He loves me, and I love him …and that’s all that matters. Our love has progressed with every kiss. In the past posts, I was always complaining about our love, but now I feel like saying “Alhamdolillah”….because I must be thankful….he has been a great addition into my life.