Monthly Archives: June 2011

Can One Truly Leave the Sex Industry ?

In my 5-6 years in the escorting world, I have only seen one woman completely get out of the sex industry. Others, a small minority, may leave the sex industry but typically revert back to selling themselves after a few weeks/months/years. I will never forgot the words, “She’ll be back, ” said by a Madame (brothel/escort business owner)  at an establishment I worked at overseas. This was after a popular young woman decided it was her last day in the industry, and she wanted to pursue her new “normal” job and boyfriend. She’ll be back……how discouraging, yet later I realized how real the statement actually was.

Paulina

Leaving the industry is NEVER without conflict. Paulina is the only former-escort I know who has left the industry entirely. She has managed so far successfully, but it wasn’t easy at first. I came to know her intimately only after she left the industry and when she almost fell back to it. However, when she was still in the industry and we were working together we hardly mingled. I was the odd girl who stayed away from the “casual sex, drugs, and party” scene, so generally she, like many working girls, found little commonality with me.

Paulina was a beautiful South America girl who immigrated to the West at a young age. I witnessed her loss-of-innocence in her escorting days, which is when she involved herself with heavy partying and living with another escort (a match for disaster). She ended up getting involved with an expensive drug (cocaine) habit, which seems to be the drug of choice for elite escorts/clients. Thankfully, her ‘experimenting’ phase was short-lived, and ended in less than a year.

One thing that Paulina and I did have in common was our conflicting values of traditional and modern. She was raised in the West, yet she still held on to her traditional South American values (her cultural values conflicted with the individualistic, care-free values she was living as a prostitute). Selling sex is often not problematic, but rather the lifestyle commonly associated with high-class prostitutes is damaging (excessive partying, excess shallowness).  She had quit the industry, and completely got away from the drugs  and partying.  She called me out of the nowhere one day, and wanted to meet. At first I couldn’t understand why she would suddenly want to meet me, but later she told me that I was the only person she hoped to trust from the industry. In her view, I was someone who would not tempt her back into her bad habits, yet I could relate to her because I was an escort too. I was flattered, and determined to help her stay away from prostitution, even though I wasn’t ready to leave myself. She had deep emotional scars from being a prostitute, and found it hard confide in anyone. She had met a lovely man, but he had no idea about her past and she wanted to keep it that way. Whenever she got depressed or felt the urge to return to selling herself, she called me for comfort. I haven’t seen her in over one year, since she lives overseas where I used to live. Currently, she is still out of the business, and getting married soon to the love of her life. She is my hope…because if she can continue to be away from the industry, then there is hope.

Unfortunately, it is so easy to fall back into prostitution…

The pattern I’ve observed has become common: women leave the industry to pursue love, and then they return when that love failed. Another woman I know did ‘quit’ the industry, however she recently admitted that she is returning to escorting. Why? Because she broke up with the man she loved. Months ago I remember her telling me “If I wasn’t with my boyfriend, then I would still be selling my body.” This is classic of women trying to leave the industry, and perhaps the most depressing part of it. Over the years, I met countless women who’ve returned to prostitution after a failed relationship. Some of these girls say they “wasted” their youth in their failed relationships when they could have been essentially exploiting their youthfulness by selling themselves. And once these women return to sex work, their hearts are broken. Yes, I have seen many broken hearted women returning to selling their bodies, and sadly it seems like they’ve also lost their souls.

When falling in love with a potential partner, an escort has to ask herself: “Is he worth it?”  Is love, itself, enough to give up her autonomy and business? The men she rejects are the ones who cannot offer her financial freedom, even though they may be willing to love and treat her good. Other escorts choose the latter, which is to avoid relationships altogether and focus on making money.

How often do escorts leave the industry when a man is NOT in the picture? I have yet to come across a prostitute who leaves the industry for her own intuition. I have to ask myself this question: Do I want to leave because I want love? Perhaps, as we all desire love and acceptance. Sadly, acceptance is only granted when people conform to what’s ‘normal.’ And of course, being a sex worker is out-of-the-norm in modern societies, thus furthering us away from societies embrace. But again, it doesn’t have to be this way. There are people who fight these oppressive norms that marginalize sex workers — it’s not a bad thing to be different. But being outside the norms of society requires a LOT of strength. There is no social space allocated for prostitutes. As a result, we face tremendous pressure to follow the ‘normative’ ways of living life (such as marriage, owning a home, etc). Although I did quit for a short period when I was engaged, I never mentally prepared myself that I was finished with the industry. I still haven’t. It’s a question that I’ve been avoiding to answer: when will I quit?  Do I even want to quit? Why should I quit? I used to want to quit, and I told myself that I would quit selling my body after I am finished my graduate studies.  Regardless, I don’t feel that I’m ready to leave now. I like aspects of my job, but I just do not like the implications (the stigma, the degradation of the industry, the legalities, etc).

Fear of leaving sex-work is strange. It’s a conflict of emotions. I’m aware that the stigma is damaging me, but when times are good I tend to ignore the harm I’m doing. At times, sex work doesn’t feel like a problem for some escorts, and for others, it is deeply damaging psychologically. But overall, one cannot deny the problem of trying to live in a world where ones identity is constantly hidden and condemned. Social Darwinism, the idea that started this whole “survival of the fittest” competition” among society is a false notion, yet the idea is still very real in modern society. I’m aware that competition is only a socially constructed concept, but yet I feel deeply pressured to be part of this race in society. I fear that if I don’t sell myself, I will lose out in this competition. This is what needs to change, I need to let go of the pressures of mainstream society. Why do I want to be part of this shallow competition in the first place? This is what happens in a cold society (Western-Liberal societies) that puts emphasis on progress, individualism, competition, status, and monetary wealth. This is what drove me to the Social Sciences as a field of study:  society deeply impacts how people think and behave. I assign other reasons why I entered into prostitution on social pressures.

Once you’re in the sex industry, it is very hard to leave. A woman I know is trying her best to pursue a ‘normal’ job but admits she feels the pressure to return to escorting. It’s too easy (escorting), and the money is quick. Her mind, like most escorts, becomes tainted with the haunting fact: a few hours or an evening of escorting can pay all the bills that would take 1-2 weeks of hard work at a normal job. Did any of us imagine growing accustomed to our lifestyles? Did we ever imagine that we’d become a slave to our own addiction for fast-money? Of course not. A good friend of mine is a former receptionist in the sex industry. She told me how she was tempted to become an escort, however she changed her mind once she saw the reality: escorts may make lots of money, but at the high cost of our emotions. So I ask myself time and time again…”Was it worth it?”

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Filed under High-class prostitution, Relationships, The Escorting Business, Trying to leave prostitution

Types of Clients – (An Escort’s Perspective)

I’ve seen all sorts of men from a variety of different backgrounds. Some men often fall into a client stereotype. Of course, there are always exceptions. For instance, there was a client I saw who was infamously known for lifting women over his shoulders, in the air, to lick between their legs. Or other unique clients, like the young 20-year old University student who used to book me for 8 hours at a time to only  kiss and lick my hands, feet, and bottom (I suppose those two were quite unique).

Over the years, I’ve summarized a few commonalities I’ve observed of clients that are typically encountered in the “elite” world of Escorting and Brothels. I’ve discussed these types of clients with other working girls too, and we’ve all agreed on many of them. Take this with a grain of salt , as there is such a richness of diversity among clients that cannot be simplified, categorized and classified.

*I must note that this diversity of clients is less likely when an escort is a courtesan. A courtesan, for the most part, ‘pick’s and chooses’ her clients and see’s only those she finds suitable. The variety of clients I discuss below is from experiences within a brothel setting only. 

1. The Client who always seeks “New” Girls: 

As an independent courtesan, I rarely see these types. But in the brothel setting, this kind of client exists.

By “new” girls I am referring to girls who are new to the sex industry, new to a particular brothel establishment, or new to an area (city). There are always a handful of these ‘soul-less’ clients who are waiting for the “new” girls, and they often have a disgusting agenda. The reasonings for seeking fresh-meat is simple: they are hoping they can exploit her, for the new girls are presumed to have no sense of control over what is allowed, and what is NOT allowed (in terms of sex). It’s common that these men lure naïve ‘new’ girls to perform sexual acts that she is not comfortable doing. These men are hoping to score big with sexual ‘extras’ that are typically not available (or cost more) from experienced prostitutes. I call these men ‘soul-less’ because they have sex that is essentially meaningless, with no true intimacy — how is it possible to establish meaningful sex when you constantly seek a new body?

Tragically, many newcomers to the sex-industry do not have the assertiveness to set their boundaries. Some of these clients are predators looking to take advantage of them. These type of clients never see a girl more than once, unless they can continue to exploit her. They may appear charming, and even have wealth, but deep down they are deeply misogynistic. Underneath the facade they are truly manipulative. They are also cheap, and do not leave tips for their ladies (they are trying to get as much sexual favors for the least amount of money).

In my personal experience, I have seen these “house regulars,”…as every high-end prostitute experiences being a ‘new’ girl more often than once. Fortunately I am aware of these clients mentality, and soon enough they will realize that they cannot exploit me.

2. The Nice Guy who’s Divorced, or Broke up with his Long-time Girlfriend: The name speaks for itself. Typically, these guys range from late 20’s to early 40’s. They are often the sweetest, most considerate men. They don’t usually see prostitutes, but they don’t have the option to get sex elsewhere (ex: they don’t go to night-clubs, pubs, etc).  This does not imply that they are undesirable by any means. In fact, they are often very desirable men, but they do not conform to social norms of interacting with women at conventional places. They tend to choose escorts that are intellectual and seemingly normal. As a client, they are totally self-less, and enjoying giving pleasure to a woman. It is very important for them to make sure the women is satisfied first.

The problem is, these sweet “Nice Guy” clients fall in love too easily. I actually met a lovely man who fits this mold last week. He’s in his mid-30’s, educated, and his wife left him. We had a great time together, and predictably he asked for my number. I said no. He’s a great guy, but I am not looking for a serious relationship, as I’m already in love with another dream.

A good percent of my clients over the years have been these type of men. My ex-fiancee was one. Normally, I always said no when clients asked to take me out, but my ex and I were unique (we had so much in common, and he was the most respectful man I’d ever met). These men are looking for love ….in the wrong place.

3. The “Nice Guy” who’s MARRIED: I see a lot of these men too. Some of my best clients are married. While they are extremely lovely as clients, I hate the idea that they are cheating on their wives. The worst part is that married men are usually so loving, affectionate and respectful, which seems perfect ….BUT! Just knowing that sweet men are cheating translates back to my brain that seemingly pius, good men cheat on their wives! But again, what’s the problem? Is the problem the unrealistic expectations of modern marriage/love/relationships? Or perhaps the institutionalization of heteronormativity is the problem?

Be sure to check my questions and answers, because there are various sub-types of married clients.

4. The CLIENT (married or unmarried) with the Madonna-Whore Complex: These are the type of clients who want a prostitute to essentially ACT like what she is (in stereotypes): a vulgar, whore. I hate these men, as they have minds tailored by  debauched societal values. They are the ones who watch porn and think that women actually enjoy those grotesque and degrading acts of “sex.” I have no problem with dominance and submission (BDSM) with two consenting partners, who both enjoy the acts. But there are clients who enjoy violence on others, feeling the recipient deserves being exploited, degraded and perhaps, harmed — this is sickening. For instance, a client may think it’s justifiable to treat a prostitute like ‘dirt’ because he’s internalized this idea that ‘whores are worthless.’ Thankfully, my clientele has not consisted of many of these men.  They tend to like the plastic, trashy facade (fake breasts, plumped up injected lips, etc) — sadly.

5. The ASSETS MAN (The Breast men, the Ass Men) Of course, my perspective on these clients is biased, because I have very large natural breasts. So naturally (no pun intended), I get plenty of the big-breast lovers clients. Generally, there are two categories of breast men:

1. The Client who loves large breasts, regardless if they are fake or natural.

2. The Client who ONLY loves big natural breasts.

Breast clients vary in what they want to do with a set of voluptuous breasts. Sometimes they want “Russian” (or “Spanish,” the lingo used in other countries), which is wrapping their penis between a woman’s breasts. Or some men love to suck the woman’s nipples for long durations, or just smothered their face in her breasts. Oh yes, and a minority of clients have a lactating fantasy.

And then, there are the men who love/worship a woman’s bottom (her ass, her buttocks, …whatever you like to call it). But the assmen are often unique. I’ve encounter many different types of ass worshipers. There are some men who just admire the shape of a woman’s bottom, while others admire her actual “hole”……and there is another breed of men who find ultimate pleasure in licking a woman’s backside entirely. These men have no intention of having anal sex necessarily, but rather they just enjoy it as an asset.

Foot Fetish for Escorts

6. The Fetish CLIENT: Fetishes vary from the individual. For instance, clients who love feet have their own methods for enjoying the experience. The same can be said for men who like women to dominate them. I will never forgot the first time I encountered men with fetishes. I was fresh to the industry, and I had no idea that men were so STRANGE!  Why would a man want me to hurt him? Why would a man want to suck my toes? However, now….I see the pleasure in pain and in unconventional things. The modern society socializes us, indirectly, into ideals of sex, but in reality there are great varieties of desire. Fetishes are not ‘strange’ to me anymore, because I embrace the variety of sexual desires. I enjoy fetish clients, I prefer them….they are always respectful and very considerate. It’s often a very fun, humorous experience, and I admit that I love when a man worships me at my feet, my ass, my breasts– everywhere.

7. The Pussy Lover: It sounds vulgar, but I couldn’t think of anything else to describe these men. Yes, there are some clients that get their ultimate pleasure in eating a woman’s private parts. A pussy lover client isn’t going down for her pleasure only, it’s more for his pleasure too!

The difference between a ‘pussy lover’ and ‘nice guy’ is that a nice guy will lick a woman and see how her body responds. On the other hand, a ‘pussy lover’ will just go down on a woman, without asking her if she enjoys it or not (again, because it’s for his enjoyment too). Some men don’t realize that the act of ‘going down’ on a woman does not guarantee she will enjoy it. Good oral skills require technique and lots of feedback from the participant (the woman).

To be honest, I really enjoy having a man’s face between my legs. I’ve always found it flattering and arousing, even though some men’s skills are lacking. There are some men who love it as a fetish. A pussy lover will not stop licking, even after the woman has orgasm. He can’t get enough of her juices. Being a prostitute, it’s rather funny because I used to think: How can you lick a woman without knowing her hygiene practices? But then I realized some men do not care, and they desire the scent and taste. They might kiss her skin, and cannot wait to feast between her legs and taste her juicy pussy. Many clients eagerly await to lick and taste me, without any hesitation. Maybe they detect that I like it? Or maybe they see a desirable woman and it’s their instinct to lick her from head-to-toe (and every part gets licked). I embrace men who love to satisfy their women sexually. Pussy-fetish men desire a woman’s scent/fluids (again, it’s to satisfy his pleasure). In any event, scents are very erotic.

8. The IDEAL client (Wham, Bham, Thank You Maam!)

Firstly, I must note my bias in this: I only prefer ‘quick and sweet’ clients when I am in love with another man. Otherwise, I do embrace more intimacy with desirable clients, whom I genuinely enjoy. But most other escorts I’ve spoken with, realistically, prefer quick and easy clients. Yes, there are a minority of escorts who do derive pleasure from seeing clients (myself included), but again, the vast majority of prostitutes simply do not.  

So who is this ‘easy going’ client? Ahh, any woman who escorts will agree with me on this one. This client totally respects our job, and takes it for what is it: strictly business. He visits weekly, maybe bimonthly. The sex is easy, and predictable. It might even be good intimacy and foreplay. He is not demanding, and is considerate. He doesn’t waste time our time, nor does he try to pretend it’s a ‘real’ love connection. Best of all, he leaves a tip, and totally respects that it’s business (no emotional drama).

When I was living overseas, one of my regular clients was this “ideal” client. He came every week. He was so predictable, and easy going. We always had the same conversations, and every time he would tell me I remind him of an ancient Egyptian goddess. He knew I would never date him, so for my comfort he never tried to intrude on my personal life. A quick act of sex..,he’s satisfied sexually and I’m paid, and then we’re finished. That went on for a good year until I left the country. While I was with my ex, I wished all my clients were like Mr ‘quick and easy.’ But in reality, most clients of mine want the closest to ‘love,’ which I don’t blame them.

The reason these “ideal” clients are so rare is because most men want more than sex (with me personally). I have had great regular clients, but depending on my personal circumstances I may prefer appointments that are quick and sweet. Again, it really depends on my personal life. When I am in a relationship, I desire only being with my love. But when I am single, I am more open to more intimacy with good clients. In reality, most of my regular clients are seeking passionate love-making, endless conversation, cuddling, making me orgasm……..which sounds great, but honestly it’s a lot of work to get so intimate with someone I don’t love.

9. The Saudi Student:  They get a category of their own, the Saudi students, because they are unique…and there are so many of them. I will do my best to avoid essentializing, because there are no such thing as innate ‘cultural’ traits. But Saudi students share some commonalities, reflecting their generous government scholarships and freshly tasted Liberal ideas in terms of mingling openly with women. Although Saudi guys have their unique personalities, they also have many traits as clients that have become common. For instance, Saudis students are less experienced in sex — But.. good boys learn quickly.  Funny enough, a Saudi male friend of mine said that his own fellow nationals, “only know how to fuck like donkey’s”….but I would say that’s a bit harsh. I have found many Saudi men to be exceptionally romantic, and eager to please/learn. I mentioned how many of them aroused me despite lack of experience. Contrary to popular myth on the ‘dominating’ Muslim male, I find young Saudi men to be quite soft. They are very affectionate lovers. Again, my experience is biased.

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Filed under "High-class" prostitution, The Escorting Business, Types of Clients