Is it better to be the Mistress or the Wife?

Oh..the married clients.. Well, I saw a client I’ll call ‘Jason’ the other evening. We meet on a monthly basis. He is a client who’s sole purpose is to see me orgasm. The great thing about being a private escort is that I can choose the men whom I want to see. Jason is one of few that I enjoy seeing for not only money but because I know I will be pleasured.

There are different levels of men who like to pleasure women: the ones whom assume they know how to please a woman (which is rather annoying), and the ones who seek to pleasure a woman by taking her direction (in other words they ask her what she likes!). Jason is great. He is willing to do whatever I want, however I want, and for however long I want him too. The fact he is rather attractive, very polite, impectably hygenic drives me to surrender my body to his lips. He loves to lick, taste, and does so with care…..and best of all, he sticks with what my body responds too. But apart from that, I have no other feelings for him. After all, he is married. He tells me he does the exact same thing for his wife lovingly: licking her until she melts on his face. While I greedily allow him to do it, I feel horrible at the same time.

Men like Jason make me question: which is better? Is it better to be the wife who gets pleased by her husband and her husband wants to perform the same acts on other women…. OR be the mistress (such as myself) who is paid for pleasure, but without attachment or commitment. Of course, wives hate women like me. And I don’t blame them. I empathize with the wives of cheating husbands. If we could only realize that we’re actually on the same boat. There is no real difference. However, the wives get the luxury of security, and best of all the prize position of bearing the children of that man. Whereas me, I have a shelf-limit….I may be his mistress, and while I may get lavished with gifts and money at the end of the day I am left without emotional importance.

I imagine being a wife of an unfaithful man…a woman who gets all the so-called benefits of having a man around: security, love, and a family —  only to find her husband finding his sexual gratification elsewhere. In my case, as the mistress, I am just  a “number.”   That’s what I feel like today, for no particular reason. I am the insignificant, and the wife is the significant other.

I used to long to be a wife…until I was engaged and got a taste of the domestic life of a woman. I constantly wondered if he was desiring other women. I would remember my old clients, and my realizations would make tarnish my trust with men even more. I remember meeting a man a few months ago, who wanted to pleasure me so passionately. He said his wife was heavily pregnant and about to give birth. WHY!? He was a lovely man to me, but…WHY, why did he have to cheat on his pregnant wife? Couldn’t he just wait a few months? Oh, men…they anger me. Yet I know women can be just as worse. I’ve often wondered if my ex and I got back together: could I be faithful to him?


Filed under Feeling sorry for the wives

9 responses to “Is it better to be the Mistress or the Wife?

  1. Anita

    My husband visited brothels for 6 years during our marriage. At the time our sex life was great. He didn’t visit prostitutes because he wasn’t getting sex or intimacy. He was addicted to sex. He couldn’t get enough. As his wife I now struggle with understanding why he paid for sex when we was getting it for free. It leads to questioning myself and it’s hard to not believe somehow I wasn’t good enough. I struggle with value and self esteem as a result of this. I don’t blame the prostitutes they are just there to do their job. I just really struggle to understand why my husband would do this.

  2. John

    Dear Escort, It is very simple! Men want LOVE, PASSION and SEX all the time, they kind of can not wait, its is a spilling desire, on the other hand woman’s sexuality is different as we all know it!

  3. Aphrodite

    Hi, at this moment I’m committed to one client. and I’ve become his mistress.
    He’s very respectful, has a great sense of justice, is mondain, interesting, is highly intelligent, humorous…. Everything I expect from a nice man.
    But lately I’ve started to feel guilty. I have the feeling I mean lot more for him than his weekly sensual pleasure.
    He sends me messages almost daily, gives me a birthday present, tells me how beautiful and how great I am..
    All this praise would feel very pleasant, if he didn’t also tell me about his wife and daughters. I feel bad about this. It’s not my way to connect with a man so closely if he’s also committed in a relationship.
    At this moment I’m trying to ignore him, which isn’t very nice either.
    I want to be honest with him, but I don’t know where to start.
    Any advice…?

    • escortdiary

      What you wrote shows you have a big heart. You are not actively doing any damage to his family. You are only just providing your services and trying to make a living. It’s nice that you are concerned about the ‘morality’ of this relation, but it’s not your problem dear. Maybe ask him about why he’s cheating? If he’s happily married, I would advise not to let him get too intimate. Tell him it makes you feel uncomfortable?

      With married clients, it’s best to not get too personal outside the appointments. I, too, feel guilty.

      • Anam BB

        I accidently found your wonderful website. I am a graduate student of Indo-Pak decent myself and amazed at the level of intellectualism that your articles are drenched in. I would agree that it is much better being a mistress with no emotional attachment to a client. Simply put – Love hurts! As you mentioned yourself, love eventually breeds jealousy connected to our ego and self-respect. If jealousy is natural, then why should we purge it out of ourselves following the ridiculous mainstream notion of liberal tolerance that teaches us to let men run wild because it is in their nature to do so. Don’t forget our rich tradition is when it comes to asceticism. There are still men like the great ascetic Vishvamitra. Containment of desires is not a bad thing -to justify men’s wild behavior by claiming that it is naturally in their biological design is false. A feminist was right to claim: ” men fuck women; subject verb object.” Men don’t even spare the third gender -try to read Gayatri Reddy’s With Respect to Sex: Negotiating Hijra Identity in South India.

        Love hurts:

        Catallus expressed it well :
        “I love and I hate
        I do not know why I do this,
        but I feel it happen and I am tormented.”

        Descriptions of your clients in this article contradict your criticism that men cannot be blamed for seeing prostitutes since their wives withhold sex from them.

  4. simrat1969

    Dear Escort lady
    Thank you for the thoughtful post. Ayesha has repled well too
    However a while the escort may have a better present a wife has a better future than the escort
    Men do have a lust for the other woman which they may try to satisfy by various means. however what exactly do we define as cheating. If a man gives you orgasmic pleasure as an escort without taking an orgasm himself ( say he keeps his undergarments on )would you term that as cheating.
    say another man is a widower and wants to be with you would you term that as cheating

    • Naomi

      The mistress absolutely has it better. She has the fun and games. She gets to play at romance and intimacy while getting money. She gets his best behavior. And more importantly, an informed decision about her involvement. The wife gets cheated on, stolen from, lied to, dumped on, blamed, and overall defrauded. She saves and shares her body based on lies without knowing what she is being exposed to. Consent based on fraud is not consent. And the chance of having her children with a man who could be monogamous is stolen from her as well. There is no security from a man who is siphoning marital funds to cheat. He is making her whole life incredibly unstable while he manipulates her feelings, lies about where he is, where the money went, and hides the fact that she is being exposed to other sexual partners against her will.

  5. Ayesha.Lovely

    But in response to your question and title….I think its better to be a wife if you’re in a situation with a non cheating husband, who is honest, trustworthy, kind, loving, and the relationship is good. She has security and the man. Who wouldn’t want to be her? But being the wife when your pregnant and feel fat and ugly and your husband can only think about himself and his needs? And that need is to go hire an escort to have sex with him? That situation sucks! If the latter is the situation, it is much better to be a mistress. I don’t know much about the escort game, but I’m sure its pretty close to being that of a single woman dating a wealthy man. You get the dinners, trips, money, and the sex without any responsibility, children, or permanent attachments. Everything is on your terms so your emotions are protected and you still get all the glitzy, pretty, expensive perks. In this case, yes! Much better to be the mistress. Everyone has their own paths, and all situations are different. So we as women have to choose what is the best path for us, and what were willing to deal with. Most women in the marriage have the power for things to be on their terms as well, they just don’t know how to access that power yet.

  6. Ayesha.Lovely

    I wonder the same sometimes. Is it better to be the mistress, or the wife. But before i touch on that, why do you have to say, “i know women can be just as worse”? I have to disagree. Not to say there aren’t women who cheat, but it is proven that women possess more sexual self control than men. How else do you explain women who stay in sexual relationships never reaching an orgasm, but still striving to satisfy their partners? Women are NOT just like men. And that’s okay. That man cheating on his pregnant wife is probably because he visually cant accept how she looks, she has no sex drive due to pregnancy, or he has some sort of remorse about sleeping with a pregnant woman. Now if the roles were reversed, and it be that man that cant have sex for whatever reason due to a temporary sexual dysfunction, a woman would patiently wait, pull out the dusty old toys, masturbate, bite the bullet and take one for the team. If she even HAD to do that. Women can self contain our sexuality. We get horny. Yes we do. But we can swallow and think with our heads. The head that holds the brain. Men however, use their head that’s attached to their d*** and don’t use the brain at all. I’ve read a few of your posts and notice that you keep defending a mans cheating way by stating how a woman is capable of the same. Truth: a woman is capable of doing the same. But we DONT do the same. So, i just think you should find another way to justify a mans cheating ways. Maybe due to the simplemindedness of a man and his lack of ability to separate pleasure from logic? Or maybe the fact that men are not naturally monogamous and cant control their d***s? But it is in no way comparable to that of the reasons why a woman cheats. I accept the fact that a man and woman are different. In many more ways than one. Sexually, emotionally, and definitely when it comes to what most important in life. But I think its important that you and other women recognize the reasons are solidly different when it comes to a man and a woman cheating.

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