Tujhse naaraaz nahin, Zindagi! hairan hoon main Hairaan hoon mainTere masoom Sawaalon se, pareshaan hoon mainPareshaan hoon main
Dear Life! I’m not mad at you, just a little weary … Stumped by the seemingly innocent questions you keep throwing at me*
Jeene ke liye socha hi nahin, dard sambhaalne hongeMuskuraayein to, muskuraane ke karz utaarne hongeMuskuraaun kabhi to lagta hai, Jaise hothon pe karz rakha hai(Tujhse naaraaz nahin…)
Somehow I never thought, that I’ll have to handle pains in order to live happily. Never realized that I’ll have to pay a debt for each smile. Now every time I smile, I am reminded of the debt that’s weighing on my lips
Zindagi tere gham ne humein, rishte naye samjhaayeMile to humein, dhoop mein mile, chaaon ke thande saaye(Tujhse naaraaz nahin…)
Dear Life! But it’s not as if these pains are without purpose… because each pain makes me aware of things I never noticed before…It is only in the scorching heat that we come to know of the relief a cool shade brings**
An escorts’ contact details are public, which means anyone can contact her — anyone (the good, the bad and the ugly). This is why screening potential clients is crucial for an escorts safety and well-being — to sift the gems from the dirt.
An escort should always speak to a potential client on the phone first. I will not respond to a text message from someone I haven’t met before. I ignore all text messages (if you cannot call me from a verifiable phone number, then that’s a red flag in itself). Private numbers should be rejected. All internet-generated phone calls from throwaway phone numbers should be rejected too.
Decent clients are straight forward and easy going when booking an appointment with an escort for the first time. Decent clients are respectful, polite, and ask only a few relevant questions (whilst remaining professional).
Indecent clients (stingy, disrespectful, creepy, exploitative, abusive clients) will give off subtle characteristics when speaking on the phone. Sometimes it’s not so easy to tell that the caller is indecent or a time waster — an indecent man may speak well and be affluent. Likewise, there could be a caller who speaks less refined or has a “village” accent who might be a very sweet and generous client. The following list below are some of my observations of who is a potential bad client or time waster.
Red Flags when Screening a Client:
In all of the following scenarios, the caller should be avoided and blocked.
Arrogant – A caller who lets you know how “nice” he is or how “good looking” he is. This can also include sending you his selfie or “dick” pic, thinking it may entice the escort (newsflash, it doesn’t).
Sometimes, a callers arrogance is hidden initially. Once, a man named Mr. J called me and he sounded very kind and polite over the phone. I gave him permission to text me since we already spoke on the phone — I allow texting only for the purpose of arranging an appointment. This client then started to ask personal questions, and then even stated how he is “endowed” and “good looking” —- that’s supposed to impress me how exactly?? For one, looks are highly SUBJECTIVE, and secondly, a larger penis with poor character does NOT translate to pleasure. Superficial qualities, alone, do not entice me at all. If anything, arrogance is a complete turn off (and red flag). Financial generosity, selflessness, and utmost respect are things that entice an escort. Superficial traits, in addition to those qualities, are a bonus . I wanted to tell Mr. J that, but as I will mention later, there is NO point to vent your annoyances to a stranger. Just dismiss and ignore.
A good life lesson I have learn is that: a genuinely decent person never has to convince others that they are great (in order words, a person with substance does not brag or boast about themselves — decent folks are humble). On the other hand, an arrogant person will feel a need to boast about themselves (or what they have), which stems from low self-esteem, narcissism, and insecurity.
An arrogant caller may also say they will give you a lot of money or make up some elaborate story about their wealth — but it’s only talk. A complete stranger making financial promises to someone he has never met is a farce. Never trust words, trust actions only.
Asking for Discounts– A stingy client is most likely to be annoying, exploitative and disrespectful.
A Time Waster – Contacting you for months/years on end periodically, and never booking. This type may enjoy wasting your time or have no intention to ever book. They are looking to talk/chat with someone for free. They will try to induce a personal conversation about other things unrelated to an appointment (ie: trying to get to “know you” before you even met). So once this pattern is detected, block
Talking sexually– As mentioned, it is okay to ask a basic question that is conducted in a respectful manner. For instance, “What are your measurements?” “Do you allow *insert intimate act here*?” That is fine. But if the question goes anything beyond that, it is a red flag of a bad client. Asking personal sexual details and speaking sexually explicit is not acceptable. A called once asked me, “Tell me, what makes you cum? What turns you on?” Red flag — why would I want to share my sexual views with a man I have never met and who hasn’t paid me? I was firm and said, “I do not answer such questions, because I have never met you and my experience varies with each person.” He accepted my answer, and had the chance to redeem himself. But, instead, he tried to talk sexually explicit with me further. I blocked and deleted. Talking sexually to an escort when trying to book her shows blatant indecency and disrespect. Just because I sell my body you think it’s okay to talk sexually explicit to me? No. The aim of this type of caller is to “get off” for free by calling an escort — it’s simply pathetic and creepy.
Asking endless questions and talking too much. It is certainly okay to ask a few questions, but the questions should be relevant, polite and professional. “Do you provide kissing?” If the questions are becoming sexual, then the person is likely wasting your time and trying to “get off” for free. A caller who is also asking very personal question is to be avoided. Asking, “Oh, you’re not free? Why? Is that because you have other clients already booked?” –that is NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS. Never explain your personal things to a client whom you have never met. Dismiss them right away and block. A decent potential client will keep a phone call brief to arrange the appointment.
Asking you to advertise yourself over the phone: An escort already has an advertisement that describes herself, so there is no need to “sell” yourself over the phone and “convince” a potential client to meet you (waste of your own energy and time). Cheap men are fussy and worried about spending their money on an escort and having a bad experience — whereas a decent client is less worried about giving his money to an escort.
Asking for an extremely detailed session: (waste of time, weirdo, entitled).
Calling you from an unclear line(meaning it’s from an internet phone number), or speaking on speakerphone or calling when around multiple people in the background).
Calling you at odd hours of the day/night. If someone is calling you after midnight, it means they party or they think you party (ie: do drugs).
Booking, then not showing up. The caller doesn’t have any sense of respect or courtesy towards you, which is a clear indication of whom they are as a person (rubbish).
Asking for more photos or a video call. Again, an escort already has photos and a description, in her advertisement. Therefore you do not need to convince a potential client with by showing more photos — this caller is just wasting your time and trying to get free content from you.
Asking for risky or degrading services. If anyone asks for uncovered sexual acts, or painful sexual acts to be performed on you, it’s a major red flag. This includes a caller asking if they can dominate you — usually it’s an abusive man masking their abusiveness with being “dominant” and seeking a “submissive” escort.
How to react to INDECENT MEN whom call you?
Sadly, the best solution is to do nothing at all. The main reason an escort should not react is because indecent men tend to be cowards and will take revenge in ways that can harm the escort. They are the ones who will join escort forums and bash the reputations of escorts. Just ignore them. Block them. Don’t react. Some men of the pathetic calibre are purposing harassing and targeting sex workers to invoke a reaction — it might even arouse them to hear you say, “Fuck off!” Secondly, it’s not even worth your time or energy to “educate” an indecent man on how to be decent — he will never understand what it means to be a respectful man (he doesn’t have the capacity to know what being decent entails).
It is also important to note that when an escort blocks an indecent caller, they may try to contact again from a new phone number. If anything seems off with a caller, listen to your gut and reject it. Some indecent men are manipulative with their speech and seek to charm, so an escort should always have her guard up.
To my fellow escorts: What are some red flag you’ve encountered? What are your tips to screen clients?
Dear readers, it has taken me several years to write this post. I imagine this post will get a lot of hate in escort forums, where people’s sole identities are tied to these toxic forums. Escort review forums are extremely dehumanizing for both men and women (it encourages toxic behavior for men’s interactions with women and detracts from a wholesome sense of intimacy). This post will break it down.
A select population of clients in the sex industry are punters (also known as Hobbyists), men who review escorts on public escort forum boards. They are the unpleasant type of clients as they degrade sex workers into very shallow criteria and ratings on scales. Essentially, punters see sex as something that can be standardized – that a sex worker has a menu that is static and can be applied to all clients. They don’t have the maturity to factor in that intimate sex is about chemistry, communication, among other things — they don’t realize that sex with an escort will always vary. Punters also do not realize that having a degradative mindset/attitude towards sex workers will actually work against them — no woman wants to feel intimate with a self-entitled, shallow creep. It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy.
In an ironic twist, a lurker to any escort review board will notice one thing: most punters’ biggest complaint about escorts is that the “service” (or sex) “felt mechanical.” Sex will be mechanical if you think escorts should offer sex in a standardized “set menu” manner! Sex should not be seen as a service. Sex cannot be pre-planned with a fixed menu that can be repeated uniformly with different bodies. Having a self-entitled attitude towards sex workers is not only a recipe for bad sex, but it’s toxic. Having sex for the intent of gloating about it online and seeking virtual “high fives” from fellow soulless entities is toxic.
In Short:Escort Review Boards are cesspools of false information, jilted lovers, jilted clients, one-sided BIASED and often false or exaggerated reviews, the site of shallowness and the dehumanization of women (and sex), and a meeting point for sociopathic, self-entitled clients (aka “Karen” clients with the “CuStOmEr iS RiGhT” attitude).
Disclaimer — this post is NOT about all clients. Clients are as diverse as any population and there are many lovely men who are patrons of escorts. This post is specifically talking about men who identify themselves as Punters, whom frequent/contribute to escort review boards. Not all clients are punters. This is also not talking about those who may only browse review boards.
Anyone can create a username and write whatever they want about you on an online escort forum. Have a psychotic, jilted former ex lover/stalker? Pissed off another escort, pimp or madame? Have an escort who is jealous of you? Did you stand up for yourself to an abusive, creepy client? Guess what, he/she can take revenge against you by writing negative things about on these escort review forums (under the guise of a so-called client). Even “good” reviews can be false, misleading or exaggerated (which I will speak about my experience later).
Getting a BAD Review as an Escort
A few months back, someone sent me a very harsh and harassing email (to my escorting email). They told me I was a scammer and I was a fraud. They also said I must be “old and fat” now. They claimed they saw me many years back. I was trying to think of whom I met and had a bad experience with? I could only think of a few instances where I met a client who was unreasonable and ghastly.
I have never received such a mean email before. Foolishly, I replied to that person something along the lines of, “I am sorry you are such a hateful person that you would email someone with such hurtful words.” I shouldn’t have engaged with them at all, and I should know that empathy doesn’t work with sociopaths. I wondered if this person was actually someone I had met, or was it someone who has a vendetta against escorts and just wants to spam them with hate?
So I thought back to any bad experiences I’ve had. I remembered there was one man who had the same name as the email. He was the only client who I told to “Fuck off” as I shut the door on him. This was perhaps eight years ago. Now that I realize he was/is a “punter”, it all makes sense to why I had such a bad experience with him.
This client was the first client who spoke to me degradingly during sex. I remember during our session, he was calling me “Slut” and “whore”. “You’re a little whore, aren’t you?” I was shocked as I never met men who would even dare call me such things. For me, I was used to clients treating me like a Queen. But despite that, I went along with his degradative role-play. Prior to sex, he brought his own condoms and set them aside beside the condoms I have. After the sex finished, he looked at the condom wrapper and noticed we had used my condoms instead of the ones he brought. He then completely shifted his mood from happy to sour. He then berated me and said, “I told you to use THESE condoms, that’s why I brought them.” Him, a late 40’s grown man huffing and puffing at a young girl in her early 20’s for using the wrong condom, only realizing AFTER he finished. Me, being an extreme people pleaser back then, apologized sincerely, “I am so sorry, I didn’t even realize it.” And it was true, I sincerely didn’t realize we used the wrong condoms. Furthermore, why was it a big deal which condoms we used since he didn’t even notice until after we finished? But instead, he turned sour and annoyed, and became pissed at me. I kept apologizing despite he was being unreasonable. I was shocked that this man could behave so awful and childishly over such a trivial issue and a clear mistake. Decent men would NEVER behave this way. While he was dressing, I was angry at myself for apologizing to him and continuing to be kind despite he turned into a disrespectful jerk (for lack of better words). So as he was leaving my home, I muttered, “Fuck off” as I shut my door. And that is the creation of a jilted client — who will then go on an ESCORT REVIEW BOARD to take revenge on escort (where a BIASED, one-sided story is told). An escort review board, where readers have no inclination of how disgusting, rude, creepy, abusive, or horrid the CLIENT BEHAVED.
Looking back, I wish I would have yelled right back at him and set him straight. But I was also scared, as most escorts are. Sex workers are extremely vulnerable in such instances. We have no protection, and furthermore where is our protection on escort review forums? Escorts are constantly dehumanized — yet no one is batting an eye. Now, I can look back and realized he, this “punter” client, was sociopathic bully. And furthermore, he is a complete coward to now email me more recently with harassing words and speak about me on an escort review board. I do not accept reviews but somehow last month my name was mentioned on an escort review board. He wrote some posts saying my service was bad (restrictive) and said how I am now in my 30’s in a derogatory sense.
What Do Reviews say about the AUTHOR (the Punter, the Reviewer)?
If you ever come across an escort review, ask yourself next time: what is this review telling me about the author?
A lesson on academic level critical thinking teaches one to not take writings as face value. Instead, a critical thinker/reader will always ask the following when reading something:
Who is the author and what are theirbiases in relation to what they are writing?
What are the politics of ones memory and how can it be distorted?
What is the authors intent behind what they are writing?
What does the authors’ writing tell you about the author themselves? (Ie: If a Punter degrades a woman because of her age, doesn’t it tell you that this person views a woman’s worth in shallow terms? If a person’s storytelling consists of bragging and boasting of their experiences, isn’t this an indication of low self esteem and attention seeking?
With regards to the jilted punter who contacted me recently, he is trying to soothe his wounded ego by speaking negative things about me, the escort. Me, barely standing up for myself and telling him to “fuck off,” wounded his ego. Nobody will know my story — an escort’s side is silenced. I feel thankful that I am able to not take his mean comments personally –being educated about anti-social personality disorders and the politics of storytelling taught me why hateful people behave this way. He’s an abusive person — sociopathic — and possibly narcissistic. Projecting his self hate by putting me down. What can be said about a person who dehumanizes women on online forums? What does it say about his character by attempting to shame me for my age and appearance? It tells me that he is a hateful, shallow and vile person. And that’s why I felt sorry for him at first — that he is filled with so much hate that he projects that onto other people.
Who is the Escort Review Punter?
*He has made a hobby out of meeting escorts and sharing his experiences with other men.
*He is the type of man who brags and boasts of his sexual experiences. Shallow boasting/bragging is the biggest indicator of low self-esteem and immaturity. It’s also a known cliche that those who show off are usually compensating for short-comings (Napoleon complex, penis insecurity issues, etc).
*He feels a need to tell his sexual escapades to a group of male buddies online to get “high fives” and an ego boost. In real life, he might be a loner, so logging online to escort review boards connects him with men like himself and gives a sense of community.
*He has “issues.” And because of these issues, he doesn’t have sex that is truly intimate, steamy and mutually fulfilling. His own personality prevents him from establishing genuine intimacy with a woman, so he is always on the prowl for new escorts since he cannot connect with women on an intimate, emotional level.
Potential Sociopath – A person who has little to zero empathy for the well being of sex workers.
Emotionally Stunted/Immature– If a punter is not a sociopath, then he may simply be emotionally immature, socially awkward and/or have limited experience with women in everyday life. Just like anyone, some naive men want to belong, and when they join escort forums, they may feel like they found a sense of belonging with punters. The problem is, escort forum boards promote a very toxic ideal of masculinity, which can prevent men from making meaningful relationships with women.
Coward – Have a REAL issue with an escort? Then, why not address it to her privately first so she can evaluate her practices? Gossiping, backbiting and doing it anonymously behind a screen makes one a coward, period.
The, “I aM aN EnTiLTeD CuStOmEr” attitude. Punters are the male version of “Karen-who-needs-to-speak-to-the-manager.”
Loner Misogynist – Find solace in other loner misogynists on the board (they all share common traits).
Getting a GOOD review as an Escort
I do not accept any reviews — even a “good” review is unwanted. Thankfully, most clients I’ve seen are not the type to write reviews, nor would they even want to . As a rule, decent men do not kiss and tell. As one client told me, “Why on earth would I want to tell other men about our intimacy! No way. I don’t want to share you with anyone.”
The best sexual experiences (intimacy) are NOT being shared on escort review forums. Simply put, a genuine man who has a beautiful, intimate experience with an escort does not have it in his character to go boast about it online — he wouldn’t want other men coming to her. A man who experienced passionate intimacy with an escort wouldn’t dream of writng about her in a way to entice more clients to meet her. If he’s crazy (not decent), he might even write a bad review on her as an attempt to keep her for himself! In essence, decent men do not engage in such a behavior nor have a ‘hobbyist’ mentality. A man who genuinely respects women will not be an active on escort forums
One reason why I do not want “good” reviews is because I do not want to come off as an escort with has a set menu that can be performed with all clients. How I am with one client differs from another client. I am upfront that my service literally depends on each situation — that’s because chemistry with each person differs.
Many years back when I worked in a high-end brothel overseas, I discovered someone had written a review about me. It was a ‘good’ review. But it was incredibly false and exaggerated. The punter likely thought I would never see the review since I wasn’t working in my home country. He went into details– saying my ….. was waxed (I never wax, I shave). He claimed he made me orgasm 3 times. His writing skills were very good and exceptional — it was written in the tone of an epic tale. But it was false. I was shocked because I don’t even fake orgasms, but I certainly did not go 3 times with him (I don’t think I came with him at all).
So thus, even good reviews are highly biased, debatable and political. They can be faked also. Furthermore, one can get a good review from a punter, then a bad review by the same punter if they felt slighted at the least. Once again, the reader is not hearing anything from the escorts side, nor do they know anything about the Hobbyist in terms of their behavior and hygiene.
Here is what you need to know when reading escort reviews:
Escort Reviews are completely biased. In escort reviews, there is an absence of the other perspective (ie: the escorts perspective), which is essential to get a more accurate depiction of what actually happened. Sex between two people has two different perspectives. How accurate is a punters review of an escort when he is anonymous (his identity is hidden behind a computer screen)? How accurate is the review of an escort when we don’t know the INTENT of the writers goals (ie: he’s a scumbag who felt insulted and to make himself feel better, he writes an unflattering review on an escort with the INTENT to get a sense of revenge for his bruised ego — this is very common). How is the review accurate when we don’t know that the client’s annoying foreplay tactics and nasty body/hygiene caused the escort discomfort and made her disengage in the sexual experience?
Seeing an escort is ALWAYS a gamble– There is a term YMMV (your mileage may vary). Clients need to be schooled that seeing an escort is always YMMV. Whenever seeing an escort, a man’s experience with her CANNOT be guaranteed to be the same as someone else who reviewed her.
Details on the Client are Missing in reviews.We have no idea about the CLIENT and how his attitude, looks, hygiene, touch and other crucial aspects IMPACTED how the escort reacted. He is an anonymous person behind a computer — he might be a physically and emotionally repulsive man who is talented in the art of telling epic tales (lies). He might have the worst sex game (ie: how he behaves with women sexually), which makes an escort feel turned off. The point is, readers of escort reviews have ZERO indication of the client, which is crucial in understanding how a sexual encounter actually played out.
Sex CANNOT be standardized into a SET MENU. Good sex is all about chemistry between two people (sexual energies that are aligned). Chemistry between two people is a phenomenon (like love) that cannot be premeditated or forced. Therefore, the entire notion of punters expecting pleasurable sex based on an escorts reviews or menu is completely invalid — there is absolutely NO way to guarantee good sex between two random people. A sex menu is not comparable to buying a meal from a set restaurant menu (but punters think it’s the same). If one thinks sex can be predictable and standardized, then they are a blatant fool and have NO idea what intimacy/chemistry is all about. The biggest irony that punters have is how they complain about escorts for being too “mechanical” or “lacking enthusiasm” — if anything, punters are INFLUENCING escorts to act mechanical when they ask escorts, “What’s on the menu?” Once again, clients need to realize that seeing an escort is a gamble in terms of making a good sexual connection, which is because, again chemistry is NOT something that can be premeditated. Furthermore, having a good experience with an escort also HEAVILY depends on the behaviour of the client. Some punters are overt or closeted misogynists — their experiences with escorts are a self fulfilling prophecy–— they have negative ideas about escorts (and women, generally), so when they meet an escort they give off a negative vibe that makes the escort less friendly and uncomfortable. In other words, if a client acts like a scum, he can’t expect an escort (or any woman) to be enthusiastic about spending time with him.
Decent men are NOT profound reviewers of escorts for a variety of reasons. Decent men /clients do not seek egotistical validation by bragging or boasting about their sex life. The only time a decent man might review an escort is if the escort, herself, asked for one — he is reviewing to help her with good intentions. But again, decent men are not the type to engage on these forums generally. Genuine, passionate sex will not be found on a review board, because no man would want other men to get the chance to experience true intimacy with a woman.
Many, MANY reviews are highly inaccurate, exaggerated, blatant lies, or even revengeful(ie: written by a jilted lover/client, who got rejected by an escort). Even jilted escorts/pimps/agencies sometimes pretend to be a client and write negative reviews on another escort out of envy, jealously or revenge.
Escort Reviews Dehumanizes and Exploits Women – To quantify someone’s body parts or service on a scale of 1 to 10 is dehumanizing and shallow — is that all that matters about a woman? Is sex just about the physical? For shallow people, yes. For those whom are deep, sex is much more metaphysical, spiritual, intimate among other things. Escort reviews also work to bully escorts into compromising their comfort levels and boundaries. For example, an escort might feel uncomfortable with a client, but she fears to get a bad review, so she is subtly coerced into doing sexual acts that make her uncomfortable (or even hurt her). This is one reason why many escorts have to drink or take drugs before seeing clients, because they cannot see clients without numbing themselves. Being afraid to stand up for oneself or assert boundaries is, itself, traumatic for an escort.
Escorts Don’t Like Review Culture. But since Escorts are essentially silenced from taking action, they sometimes are forced to participate in this toxic culture. Personally, I do not use escort forums, nor do I want to attract punter/hobbyist type of clients. However, when I was new to escorting many years back, I discovered these forums and read them out of curiosity. It was very depressing to see how fellow escorts were dehumanized on these forums.
The punters description of an escort can be heavily skewed or inaccurate for a variety of reasons.Let’s look at an example of how an escort review could be completely biased and inaccurate:Imagine a punter meets an escort and is attracted to her. Then he touches her roughly in ways that hurt her. The escort first tries to say sweetly, “Not there honey, and be gentle sweetie.” But the client keeps poking and prodding roughly, causing pain and discomfort. The escort gets upset and say, “Can you please stop doing that again. It hurts.” By this time, the escort is now in a sour mood and just wants this vile client to bust his nut. The escort feels like a sex toy, because this filthy client doesn’t respect her body nor comfort levels. At this point, the escort now has lost her sweet attitude because this client clearly feels entitled to her body, as if she is not human with emotions and feelings. He clearly has no idea how to be intimate or how to gently touch a woman. The client finishes and goes home. He gets home and writes a review on the escort. He felt insulted by the escorts “bitchy attitude”, so decides to write a manipulative review that isn’t necessarily bad, but it’s contains subtle ways to make the escort look bad. He tells his fellow punters, “She’s sexy, but doesn’t allow much and she has zero enthusiasm.” Then, to soothe his ego, he figures he should knock her down some more by inventing a physical flaw about her. The review leaves him feeling better about himself because he evened the “score-board” in his head because the escort did not exalt his existence. The reverse is also true where good reviews are often exaggerated (such as what happened to me once.)
Help For Escorts Regarding Escort Review Forums
I was a teenager when I discovered escort review forums. I was fresh to the sex industry. For the most part, the clients I met, thankfully, were lovely and treated me exceptionally well. But when I saw escorts forums, I realized there was another breed of clients that were vile and shallow. I thought to myself, how come most of my clients don’t appear to be that way (like punters)? Later I realized that I don’t really see/attract punter-type of clients (except when I was totally new and naive — punter-types like naive “new” girls because they are easier to exploit).
When I discovered escort forums at a very young age, I actually got depressed from reading them. I was shocked how some men were extremely cruel, perverted, mean and shallow when it came to women. I was depressed because I yearned to be loved for my mind, for my soul — I was tired of being just “a body” or just “sexy” or “beautiful.” What I saw on escort forums was that a woman’s worth was extremely degraded — zero concern for the well being of sex workers. The women that “punters” idealized were typically women whom were cheaper bargains (in price), did the most risky work (ie: had no boundaries) and were willing to act robotic (have no personality, say yes to everything and never complain). Then to top it off, every “flaw” that a woman could have was highlighted and shamed. I was too young to realize that only SOME men were vile like this, but quickly learned that only “punter” types had this horrid, misogynistic and entitled mentality towards sex workers. Ironically, the few 3 or 4 reviews had in those days were all good. But they still made me uncomfortable, and as mentioned in this post, they were misleading and exaggerated. I did not want to participate in a forum that was viewing women in such shallow ways, nor did I want to see clients whom were active contributors to escorts forums. I decided to stay out of escort forums by not allowing reviews early on. I marketed myself in a way to attract a particular type of client who was seeking a more wholesome experience — and through the process of screening, an escort can hopefully weed out the unpleasant from the decent (though, not always, unfortunately). I hope most escorts can also boycott escort forums, but sadly these days many escorts are bullied into the review culture.
How should an escort process the escort review boards and punters? Remember that not all clients are punters. If possible, try not to market yourself to them (I know this not easy for many escorts). If that’s not possible, then be clear that you don’t accept reviews.
The things that punters say about escorts can be hurtful, humiliating (even if it’s ‘good’), embarrassing, traumatizing, dehumanizing and so on. Remember that how a person treats others is their character — what that means is if someone treats you a certain way or says cruel things to put you down, it has everything to do with THEM and not with you. Some people are filled with so much self-hate that they project it onto others — projection is well documented in psychology. They will also gaslight you into thinking YOU are a fault. Try your best to not take it personally. If someone tries to shame you for something shallow, OWN IT. Learn self-love and remember that wholesome people will accept/love you for whom you are as a human being. Furthermore, any “flaw” you are shamed for will be something another person will treasure and adore.
Toxic hobbyist in a nutshell: “When a person cannot control you, they will try to control how others perceive you. This is a common tactic of oppressors and abusers.”
Cases Where Escort Reviews Are Meaningful:
Unfortunately there are cases where an escort duo (another escort or her pimp) will rob a client. In any instances where there is danger, it is important that warnings are made about dangerous situations. This works for both escorts and clients — both need to warn others about dangerous situations.
My point of this post is stop the normalization of escort review forums. — it harms women by objectifying them in shallow ways — taking away the human experience of an escort. It ignores the struggles sex workers face from being in the sex trade (and from their personal lives). When women are harmed this way, it also in turn hurts men. How can women be loving and warm to men if they see a group of men who are complicit in their exploitation and dehumanization?
The song below is truly deep and beautiful (and relatable for sex workers):
Shame – Summer Walker
In a perfect world
You’re understanding, I’m not a perfect girl
I would drop my fears at the door
I would only bring myself and nothing more
And you let me be, a woman
And you let me be, a flawed woman
You would yearn to hear all about my past
What I’ve done, what I’ve did and why
Hear all my sick thoughts
And if I needed to, I could cry
And you would catch my tears
You don’t wanna be nobody else’s place, no, aye, no
You don’t wanna be nobody else’s place, to hide from themselves
And I’m the one to blame
You see right through me
You see through the smile
You see straight through me
You push past the lies, oh
You got it baby
Oh, oh, oh
Such a subtle song, yet very deep for those who understand. The world is not perfect. It’s not easy to be vulnerable without fear of what may follow. It becomes exhausting to constantly put on a facade to impress others or to fit in with others. Deep down, we just want to be ourselves and be accepted for whom we truly are. Especially in the context of relationships (friends, family and lovers) — we want to be vulnerable and feel safe. As a sex worker, how easy it is for one to just lay out her past …just be herself (flaws and all)... without the fear of being judged, exploited, or rejected? How much do we have to keep inside?
*On a side note, I love of lot of Summer Walker’s songs: she get’s it. She, after all, used to be a stripper and apparently came from a troubled past. Her talent comes from her life experiences, which is why she is raw, erratic and unique. My favorite songs of hers are: “CPR,” and “Just Might.” You can sense the emotion in her voice.
“Just Might be Hoe….”
“Love is a losing game, so I just might be a hoe.” In “Just Might,” I don’t think Summer’s intent is to promote being a “Hoe” but rather she is expressing the disappointments that love brought, so it appears to be more lucrative to focus on meeting men who pay her (rather than give love for free that always ended up hurting her). I have shared the same mindset myself — though, I would never wish upon other women to resort to sex work to heal a broken heart.
Good boys are obsessed, devout…..to the point where they beg to please a woman. “Can you spit in my mouth?” “I want to you to cum, squirt on my tongue.” “All I want is to lick you from the back entirely and stick my tongue right in….” “Let me kiss and massage your feet!!”
Somehow, I sensed you were this type.
I am thinking of you, you’re in a black shalwar. A fitted one. Your face, and the contrast of your handsome beard. Your eyes, as green as the plush lakes of Gilgit. On this night, I wish I had worn my kameez too….the one that fits tightly against my heavy breasts and butt. But instead, I wore my lingerie. Silk and lace, all black. Black heels. Black felt immensely sexy against my skin on this eve. Though, a tight kameez would have been much more sexier, but I knew my lingerie will entice you.
I know exactly how to tease a man like you,….a man from the region of spices and myrrh. Men of spices appreciate and get rock hard over subtle things on a woman’s body. Let’s take a woman’s feet, for example. The first time I came to know your love for feet is when you saw a video I made of me getting a pedicure. Later, you confessed that it makes you intensely hard seeing my toes all polished and pretty. Your subtle desire for subtle things excited me, because I knew it meant you would lick me from head to toes, literally. It made me wild to imagine your tongue and you tasting me with it. And of course, I imagined how you would taste too. Lazeez
– – – – – – – – – – –
He sticks his thick manhood between my legs. I get a rush of ecstasy from his strokes inside my wet warmth. It causes me to lose my mind, I literally get high from it. I know he’s watching my face as I bite my fingers while he lays it down. I know he’s watching me flush and glow. He teases by pulling out and quickly placing his face between my legs to use his tongue to replace his….
Then he comes back up to the lips on my face, so we can kiss passionately. I taste him, I can taste myself.
I can’t get over the thoughts of it…..you…..the songs, your voice, your singing. Only men of spices and myrrh know all the subtle erotic moves and spots that give me pleasure. But it’s not only about me. Your smell and taste brings comfort. Your beard, your hairs on your body, your nipples, your soft lips, your tongue, your hands, and the few silver greys in your hair..ahh.
Thinking about your manhood, I am reminded of when you are inside me. As soon as your enter me, I’m squeezing you tight internally. Your hardness enters me slowly to tease me, you want me to feel it inch by inch before you push it deep. By this point, I want it hard and rough, but you tell me something I already know: you will cum if you go too fast. I tell you, “Slow down then baby. Don’t move.” We tease slowly. Each thrust is intensely pleasurable and bringing me closer to cum. I am yearning to take it hard and have all my soft spots hit by your beautiful manly body. I let you cum, because you can keep going and fuck me all night.
A woman like me needs multiple orgasms, in multiple ways. Touch, taste, lick, suck, smell. A woman like me also needs to be made love to in multiple positions. When you’re on top, feast your eyes on my face and my huge breasts shaking while you thrust me deep. Take turns between passionate kisses and suckling my hard nipples whiles we make love in this scene. Then let me get on my knees and let me graciously bend over. Grab my hips and take in the view of my wide hips and shapely backside. Hold on tight as you grab hold of my flesh on my hips. Slam into me baby. Pleasure me with your hardness from behind. Then hug me from behind, and caress my large breasts at the same time while my hips are on your lap. I love when you’re hugging me from behind and you kiss my neck, ears and back. Let’s melt into each other.
Now our bodies are wet, and the heavenly scent of our love making has filled the room. Let me taste you, let me lick you all over and drive you wild just as you have done to me. In fact, why don’t we please each other at the same time…….
I am an addict. I admit. A sexual, erotic high is spiritual and phenomenal — the true ecstasy. That Toni Braxton song, “You’re making me High” is literally me in a nutshell.
A natural high that requires no intoxicants or chemicals — a metaphysical elixir that only this sensual union brings..
I don’t want to dampen your day. My blog speaks a lot on the topic of pain. I am not always a depressed person. I have learnt to be quite thankful and positive about life situations. However, pain is an inevitable part of life. When pain happens, I have no outlet to express myself in real life. I don’t like to talk about my sadness with others — so this blog is an outlet for myself. Even though I speak about dark things, please know that I have an optimistic perspective of life (and have optimism for those in a similar situation). Whatever happens in life is always for a purpose. Broken pieces can be put back together. And although scars remain, only scars produce the following beautiful, invaluable traits: character, substance, passion.
Almost all prostitute comes from a history of pain. It might have started in their childhood, teens or early adulthood. It might have been a neglectful or abusive parent(s) or exploitation and trauma from home or outsiders. A woman who is loved properly and is well protected is very unlikely to become a prostitute. The sex industry pulls women from downtrodden backgrounds.
I come from a dysfunctional, broken family. Never had a Father figure. At times, I was prey for predators. Being a child or teen without strong familial protection makes one ripe to many societal ills and unhealthy coping mechanisms. My siblings and I all had issues due to coming from our dysfunctional family — I became a prostitute, my brothers used to sell drugs and my sister developed an intolerable and spiteful character. We all coped in unhealthy ways also. Pain and trauma usually leads a child into two directions when they become an adult:they can become abusive/neglectful themselves (because that’s all know how to be) and/or they resort to drugs, drinking, and other self-destructive habits to cope. One can only hope to heal by becoming introspective and developing empathy for oneself and others. Part of healing is unlearning the self-destructive coping mechanisms, unlearning the negativity, unlearning the pain that has shaped oneself. That’s where I find myself — unlearning, trying to understand, trying to heal.
One would never guess that I come from a broken family. I do very well at hiding everything. If need be, I can speak intellectually, dress well-to-do and behave eloquently and cheerful. My “normal” persona gives off the idea that I come from a decent family and that I went through life relatively unscathed — which is misleading. In reality, I come from a family that has experienced drive by shootings, addictions, domestic violence, criminal activity, suicides and certain family members serving prison sentences. And, of course, I added prostitution to our lovely family legacy. Having said that, I love my family deeply. My family also has many good aspects–and thankfully, certain family members have improved themselves and their situations. I am grateful for my background and family. My character and passion comes from the struggle — it wouldn’t have come from an easy life, unscathed.
Even when I feel strong and determined, pain still remains from all the brokenness. When I see my younger relatives with deep scars from cutting themselves on my their arms, I get sad. When I hear that a teenager has already lost hope for life, I want to die inside. What causes a young boy or girl to slit their wrists? My heart breaks knowing I cannot even reach out to give them hope and tell them I will give my life to make them happy. When I see a monster who abuses, exploits and harms innocent elders or young ones, I boil up with anger. I wish everyone was well prepared for the monsters in this world — who seek to harm, abuse, exploit the vulnerable. I cry to imagine any child having to go through the events I have seen, and I feel grief knowing that this trauma is still happening.
I have accepted there can’t be any consistent peace. My family is fragile, and I have to learn how to reconcile my own desire to have stability with a very unstable situation. Soon, it will be the 6 year anniversary of a loved ones suicide. I play her favorite songs, and cry thinking about her. I miss her so much. I just want to hug her. I just want to laugh with her. I get angry thinking about the generational trauma that inevitably caused her suicide — a Mother from a broken family who gave birth to children in a broken family, a Mother who was abused and then became abusive herself. An abused child who grew up, became exploited and got addicted to the drugs and alcohol they turned to at a young age to cope. I remember when the idea of suicide came to me in my early twenties. I made the realization I couldn’t do it, because I am deeply worried about the younger kin of my family. I thought, “If I have no hope, then what hope would they have?” I wanted to be strong for them. But sadly, history repeats itself in generational trauma — most don’t step back and learn from the generational trauma, they get consumed by it and become it.
All these feelings, I cannot share so easily. I sometimes feel isolated because my peers consist of normal individuals with relatively normal, decent families. I write on this blog as my outlet.
This is the life of a prostitute. My heart hurts today. I breath deeply to soothe myself. If a client comes, I cannot show my pain. When a friend has a celebration, I cannot show my pain. I put on my smile, and try not to think of the tragic things that have happened. I am sometimes amazed that I haven’t resorted to drugs or other intoxicants to numb myself — I saw so much drug abuse in my family that I am terrified of alcohol and drugs.
That’s why love becomes so special to a person who comes from a background of trauma — this idea that we can relax our heart and let ourselves be vulnerable in a way that (hopefully) won’t hurt us. We crave the things that were denied to us: wholesome love, protection, trust and security. But when love has hurt you from it’s origins (starting from the family), then love is something to be feared.
Be kind to prostitutes…
The reason that many prostitutes take drugs or drink is because their pain/trauma is so unbearable that they want to feel numb. Most prostitutes have post-traumatic-stress-disorder to varying degrees.
When I see the hatred that society and specific people have towards prostitutes, I feel sad to know there is such a lack of understanding and empathy. I feel sad to realize how quick people are to condemn women who resorted to a career that only pulls in women who have no proper protection or care from family.
PS. This post is less concerning me, but rather expressing the pain I feel for others….
Please pray for those who have lost hope, to those who have no protectors, to those who are suffering silently…..my heart cries for you.
Fun Fact: A lot of escorts/strippers and other kinds of sex workers have undergone plastic surgery and other cosmetic enhancements. It’s very common for an escort to have breast implants, lip injections, eyelash extensions, fake tans, fake hair, and depending on what part of the world you are in, a big fake ass.
My first day working in a brothel was mesmerizing. All the girls were done up glamourously. At least half had fake boobs, almost all had artificially plumped lips and hair extensions. And then walks in me, a shy 19 year old girl who has had nothing done.
And just over a decade later….it’s perhaps shocking that I haven’t had any surgery or enhancements yet. In fact, I’ve essentially had the same look during my entire career as escort. I will explain why later below..
Girls get enhancements because they want to be a fantasy girl for their clients (and prospective men/clients). One cannot deny that most men turn their heads or even may walk into a pole upon seeing a sexy woman, especially if she has breasts or a butt that are well accentuated. I have previously mentioned on my blog that clients come to see escorts as an “escape” from the stresses of real life. For many clients, their fantasy is to be with a woman who differs from the “everyday” woman. Escorts, for instance, dress up in high heels, lingerie, soft or full glam makeup, and, often with the help of plastic surgery, many escorts also have exaggerated feminine body parts.
Having said that, clients all have different versions of what makes the ideal ‘fantasy girl.’ Not everyone idealizes the stereotypical vixen look. Some clients are into natural or more ‘everyday’ looks in women. I had a client who once requested me to dress down into comfortable clothing rather than my usual lingerie and heels attire. Generally, all men have different tastes and desires. This means that women should, ideally, try to feel content being themselves rather than resorting to plastic surgery to conform to today’s beauty ideals.
I made a plethora of observations when I used to work in a brothel many years back. Usually 10-20 girls would stand in a line up and a client would pick a girl. I learnt that all sorts of women are desired for different reasons. Ladies with overt feminine assets, however, tended to be more popular in getting chosen in line ups. Endowed breasts, a beautiful face, a nice hair style, a nice bum and nice skin were traits that were frequently preferred. A pretty faced woman with small breasts or very petite frame could also do well. Sometimes assets like breast size were not as important to certain clients who had race preferences. For instance, men with “Asian fever” might have a preference for black hair and Asian facial features, or might prefer a certain race for cultural and social familiarity.
Many escorts believe if they had bigger lips, bigger boobs, and a smaller waist, for instance, they will attract more men. They make this assumption based off observing how men behaved in the presence of a sexy woman who had traits considered highly desirable. So these escorts decide to go under the knife and pay for other beauty enhancements to attract more male attention. These days, its almost the norm to see an escort who with breast implants, injected plump lips, heavy sultry makeup, and now, even fake butts and snatched waists from liposuction. Is it a good idea for escorts to get plastic surgery? Are you a woman thinking about plastic surgery? I will answer that later in this article…
And what about boring ol’ me?
I was 19 years old, and it was my first day working in an brothel. Shy and nervous, completely innocent. When I first walked in the ladies room, I was mesmerized by the girls who worked there. They all had designer handbags, long hair, lovely bodies, beautiful make up, healthy tans and pretty lingerie. For my first shift, I had prepared by buying a new pair of sexy clear high heels, a turquoise lace baby doll over a matching bra and thong. I felt completely unglamorous compared to the other girls. But once I dressed up, and went in my first line up, I was shocked that I, completely naive and clueless, was popular. I then realized how blessed I was to be naturally sexy. I was a fantasy girl. It took minimal effort for me to attract clients. It’s not that I was or am exceptionally beautiful. But I have exotic features, a buxom physique, a pretty face and an overall a “sexy” girl-next-door look. I have natural physical assets that other women sometimes pay for. I have big natural breasts and a bum. I am considered voluptuous, neither skinny nor fat.
Since then, I’ve maintained the same look and never felt a need so far to change anything drastically (that can change, however). While in escort mode, I have also maintained the same style. I wear tight, elegant lingerie with ample cleavage, sexy heels, do my nails, do sultry makeup. From a young age, I’ve always loved exotic women with a natural sexiness and often looked to them for inspiration. One of my favorite looks is Salma Hayek in From Dusk Till Dawn — dark red lips, dark hair, gold anklets and jewelry.
So is Sahar flawless? No. Like most people, I have physical flaws. My nose could be smaller, my waist could be smaller. I definitely have to be mindful of what I eat, as I gain weight easily. I am also aging in visible ways. Indeed, these flaws induce feelings of insecurities at times. But, for now, I am grateful for my flaws and see them as a positive rather than negative. Any naturally busty woman with some hips will have a bit of a tummy and thighs. Big natural breasts also cannot defy gravity and as such will sag a bit. In the Western world, many women are obsessed with perky boobs and flat tummies. If I did some nip/tuck, I might convince myself that I’ll attain some sort of ‘perfection.’ The thing is, I kind of like my flaws, such as my soft tummy. It matches my body, it makes everything look proportioned. I have had lovers and clients who adore my soft tummy and thick thighs. I had lovers/clients who said I look even sexier during the times I put on 10-15 lbs than my normal weight. I even learnt that some men with big natural boob fetishes are overjoyed with the natural sagging and stretch marks that often come with the package.
Throughout my career, I became curious as to what asset or trait, specifically, attracted my clients. I usually ask clients, “So, why did you come to see me? Are you into big boobs? Pretty Ethnic women? The whole package? Many do indeed come for my curvy assets, but there are many other reasons. Some men say they like the way I spoke, wrote and conducted myself on my website, as I seemed “sophisticated.” Some come because of my ethnicity — they like the beauty of women from a certain region. Some come for my feet, or perhaps services I offer, such as role-play or domination. Some even come just for the way I smell! I discovered a few clients are not even boob men, but said they love my face. But overall, most clients say they enjoy my personality. The point is, the true desirability of a woman is a combination of beauty and brains.
The bottom line is two things:
A woman is desirable for many things beyond her looks. Physical beauty is essential, but personality is crucial in keeping decent clientele returning.
No woman can ever be perfect and attract every man, period. Perfection does not exist. For one man, big boobs and ass is their ideal, but for another man, a less curvy slim woman is their ideal. Over all, most decent men seek to establish an emotional/mental connection in addition to physical attraction. Decent men know that there is much more to a woman than her bodily assets alone.
All women need to realize the most sexiest thing a woman can have is confidence. Confidence comes from feeling comfortable in your skin, and accepting yourself (flaws and all). What’s considered a “flaw” by one is considered beautiful by another. Beauty is all about perspective. As an escort, I have seen all sorts of women be desired for a variety reasons — confidence is always what has men coming back for more as a regular client. So the question remains…..
Should an Escort (or Any Woman) Get Plastic Surgery?
I am not against plastic surgery, but I am not an advocate for it either. It depends on the procedure one is getting and the reasonings for it.
What if the reason to get plastic surgery is vanity? Ideally, I’d advise against plastic surgery. I would advise one to work on their self-esteem, and stop comparing themselves to trends or people in society. A lot of the social media figures/models often do not even look like their own photos — there is a lot of deception on TV and on social media. Photoshop and Apps like Facetune can turn an average looking woman into a perfectly shaped hour glass model, and moreover conceal the scars/flaws/complications from plastic surgery. There are a lot of complications from plastic surgery and also long term, possibly dire, consequences. It’s also important to note that big businesses purposely wants people to dislike themselves and buy things to make them feel worthy (celebs and social media influencers get paid to endorse/push this narrative through advertising).
The reality is: A lot of escorts get work done under the assumption it will bring in more work ($$$). Indeed an escort isn’t wrong in wanting to invest into herself to get ahead, but is plastic surgery necessary in getting ahead? The question one needs to ask is this: will plastic surgery be good for her in the long term? I have mixed feelings about it, because I have seen many escorts get plastic surgery and due to their self esteem issues they end up attracting bad clients/partners (which is usually followed by a heavy partying lifestyle, more plastic surgery and the end result looking crazy). On the other hand, I have seen escorts who did moderate cosmetic work and were fine. And of course, a natural woman who takes care of herself can do well too.
Cosmetic alternations are very common these days. It’s due to living in a climate where women are under immense pressure to conform to unrealistic beauty standards. Many men also have become brainwashed through pop culture and porn to have unrealistic expectations of women.
Instead of plastic surgery, one can work on improving their self esteem by eating healthy, exercising and surrounding themselves with genuine, wholesome people. At the end of the day, people feel content when they feel loved and belong. Plastic surgery will not solve deeper issues of low self esteem and the need the be loved. Plastic surgery may give one attention, but it’s often attention from people who only care about superficial traits in other people. If one absolutely feels they must get cosmetic enhancements, then I can only suggest to be moderate. Everyone has the right to do what they like with their body. The importance is finding a balance between mind, body and soul.
Again, not all attention is good attention. Attention for being viewed as sexy is often shallow. In the long run, it’s not a great feeling to get attention solely for superficial things. Or maybe it’s just me. My soul craves depth, and I want to be seen as more than just a sex object.
Having plastic surgery as an escort WILL change the type of men/clients you attract.
When getting plastic surgery (depending on how extreme it is), an escort must realize their new look will change how men are attracted to them (and treat them). In escorting, there some clients do not like plastic surgery, some whom are indifferent to it, and then some who like it. Moderate plastic surgery that looks natural and proportioned is usually more acceptable among the diverse pool of men/clients. But excessive, overt plastic surgery (obvious breast implants, big fake lips, etc) are usually desired by the worst kind of men (aka dusty’s, creeps, fuckboys, soulless types). For the most part, decent men are not big fans of the extreme plastic look. And if they are do show interest, it’s for very shallow reasons (ie: a one-time-only curiosity).
In my “Types of Clients” post, I wrote about a type of client who has the “Madonna-Whore Complex.” This type of client goes for the ‘cosmetically enhanced barbie doll’ with very large breast implants, large lips, etc. He likes this type of woman because he preys on the low self-esteem that caused these women to turn themselves into sex dolls. He takes advantage of their poor self-worth and treats them like trash. He see’s them as the epitome of a whore, in a derogatory sense. He wants to fuck them aggressively and cares little for their comfort or needs. He usually fucks once, and then is onto the next. I have seen many pretty “barbie” types be treated very poorly men — these kind of women succeed in attracting shallow, naive or dusty men, but sadly deter (distance) themselves from meeting with wholesome, decent men. This happens because these women invest everything into their looks at the expense of developing a personality (personality is important for wholesome, decent men).
I feel sad for these kinds of girls, because as mentioned, they are magnets for men who literally see them as an object. These type of escorts unfortunately are usually lost women who became exploited by a pimp or were severely harmed by male lover. As an escort, they attract party clients (aka coke-heads), shallow types who want a temporary trophy, and aggressive men (the “Madonna-Whore Complex’ type). Often, these women end up doing a lot of party drugs to cope with the empty feeling of being extremely emotionally neglected — they are trapped in being the exaggerated fantasy woman and lost their true self in the process. This description is not intended to hate or judge these women –I worked with many of these girls and noticed these patterns and the clients they attracted. There is hope in all situations for all people. A woman who went down this route of extreme vanity can still heal from her pain and change the dynamics in her life.
In essence, any lady who is considering surgical enhancements needs to think about the physical, emotional and social consequences.
Ladies:What are your thoughts? Have you had work done? Would you or would you not promote plastic surgery?
"The world (the outsiders) pushes us away. And the outsiders, they are our clients. On the outside people are disgusted by us (prostitutes), but in here (in secret) they love us and they love our bodies."