One thing I want to note before I answer questions is that my view is biased. Never assume my opinion, or anyone’s opinion, is the absolute fact. I am a student, so I write articles often where my opinion has no credibility unless proven by empirical, extensive evidence. Opinions are just opinions, and they are often one’s personal judgement that is influenced by their experiences and values. I suggest that people always remain skeptical, because my experience is very subjective.
Your Question: Why do women become escorts? Or, what factors make women become prostitutes?
Answer: From my observations, women who become prostitutes were placed in a situation where they needed money, and perhaps fast money. So consequently, most escorts originate from low-socioeconomic backgrounds. However, a new minority of high-class prostitutes are coming from stable-income families. They sell themselves not because they are desperate for cash, but rather they want to be part of the upper-crest of society. The money they make from selling their bodies allows these materialistic prostitutes to buy the lifestyle associated with the high-class. Again, the values promoted by Western culture disgust me, because they poisoned me too.
Many women I have encountered in the sex industry have been neglected in some form. When I meet with another prostitute I like to ask about her origins. I have encountered women who seemed normal, but later I found out that they were sexually abused. Sexual abuse leads to mistrust, and many escorts have a deep mistrust in men. It is ironic that these women, despite their mistrust in men, end up selling themselves to men. Often, they come from a broken home, and were forced to take care of themselves from a young age. The foundation of family was absent for them, which left them alone to discovered how to survive. Society can be quite cruel to lost souls, or those without any familial support. Often lost souls are exploited by others. For instance, young boys without any direction are susceptible to gang involvement, and young women without direction are vulnerable to prostitution and sexual exploitation. Although I was never abused, I feel I was a lost soul too. I had a poor sense of direction, so I fell easily into things that came my way. Thankfully, I had enough sense to correlate that selling myself is harming me despite raising my standard of living.
As mentioned in my blog, I came from a middle-class family. It would seem that I had no valid reason to become a prostitute. However, my family separated in my teens, and as a result my Mother, siblings and I became poor. Of course, we always had enough to eat and by no means were we living in poverty — but we were close. Because I had previously lived in relative luxury, being poor was not an easy transition. I noticed that all my peers and friends were pampered while I had nothing. My Mother tried her best to keep us happy by sacrificing her own happiness. I admire her for doing that.
Then the idea of prostitution was introduced to me. I tried it once, and my first client was very sweet, respectable, and generous. What boggled my mind is this stranger, my first client, was a more pleasant experience than my previous sexual experience (losing my virginity). But best of all, I had made a lot of money from that one hour encounter. That money boosted my self-esteem, and I was able to buy things that I needed. In theory, everything seemed good…but again, years later I now realize that there are hefty implications for being a sex worker (social stigma, constantly trying to hide my lifestyle/identity, conflicts with love, etc). Sex with clients is not the bad part, but rather dealing with living in a society where revealing my profession essentially means rejection.
Firstly, what conditioned me to believe that my self-worth could be improved with money? The answer is Western society. This society values money, power and social status/prestige. When I was younger I was not aware of the pressures that made me value money. I was so blinded, because I thought money would solve my problems, but actually it made me more individualistic, materialistic, and emotionally empty. Chasing money made me distance myself from family too. I chased money because it enhanced my social status, but at the same time I neglected love and relationships with good people. People who don’t have money in Western societies are at a huge disadvantage, because this society does not CARE for those with less. Why is it people who are poor in developing countries are happier than the poor in the West? The poor in developing countries have family and community, and their kinship societies protect individuals. I had no protection, because in this individualist West I had to fend for myself.
Yes, some Saudi men visit prostitutes. But so do some men from all cultural backgrounds. However, my observations assert that certain cultures frequent with prostitutes more than others, but this depends on the society and circumstances of its individuals. Men do not visit prostitutes for the same reasons, so it’s hard to lump all clients into one category (there are common occurrences, yet also many exceptions). Not all patrons of prostitutes are looking for a “quickie”, and equally not all clients are looking for companionship and affection. Thus, men have various and complex reasons for visiting prostitutes.
I could make generalizations, but, again, my clients see me for their unique reasons and may see other women for other reasons. For instance, a client may visit me because I relate to him on an intellectual basis, but he also visits another escort who satisfies his raw desire for sex only. Vice versa; Another client may see me for solely sexual pleasure, while he has another woman, older, who satisfies his need for a mature woman.
My clients come from an array of backgrounds and cultures. White (European, American, Australian, Russian), East Asian (Chinese, Japanese, Korean), South Asian (Indian, Pakistani), West Asian (Arab , Iranian), South American, etc. However, I have never seen a notably amount of African patrons of prostitutes in general. In fact the only Black clients I have had, which are few, have been Saudis of Black origin. It’s quite interesting how certain cultures are not frequent patrons of prostitutes, so it would interesting to study the obvious question: why? Of course, clientele is also oriented towards the demographics of a given city. In my vicinity, White men seem to be the main patrons, followed by East Asians, Indians, and Arabs.
Saudi students are not continuous patrons of prostitutes. My theory is that Saudi students will try the services of a sex worker when they first arrive in their country of studies. This is because they have been deprived of expressing their sexuality. At first, visiting a prostitute will seem appealing. Initially, the prostitute is an outlet for their deprived sexual desires, and a prostitute is more accessible and convenient than trying to find sex elsewhere (nightclubs, bars, etc). However, over time, most Saudi students will not find casual sex appealing or forfiling. Instead, they will yearn for a girlfriend-like relationship where they can receive affection and care from a woman, rather than a business-transaction from a prostitute. Thus, my theory is most Saudi students will seize to visit prostitutes, unless they are extremely lonely and not able to connect with women in normal settings. Most Saudi students don’t like the idea of seeing prostitutes (as they want something more meaningful), but sometimes when its the only option for affection it becomes hard to resist. A Saudi student would choose a meaningful relationship with a woman over a night of pleasurable sex without meaning (unless of course, they , in my case, develop a relationship with a prostitute).
In my case, I have become the caregiver to some Saudi students. They resort to me when they are in need of affection, and sometimes chemistry arises. Often, as I’ve said before, sex is not the prime objective of these Saudi patrons. One client invited me to his home so he could prepare me a feast of Saudi dishes, kabsa. He was extremely respectful and didn’t try to ravage me, but rather was happy to have me as company. And my Sheik, technically still my client, evolved to be my partner and lover. He found affection in me, and grew attached to me despite my taboo profession. Like others, he said he see’s me not for my profession, but for who I am. While this sounds romantic …again, it’s a temporary romance with the Saudis.
My theory for Saudi students also applies to Kuwaiti and Emirati international students, because some share a similar experiences and have been prior patrons of mine too. This theory does not apply to older Saudi men, because they are usually married, and thus their reasonings for visiting prostitutes are different than the students. I have less experience with older (over 35) Saudi men because they are a rarity in my city. The few older Saudi clients I did have were visiting, and were also married. I suppose working in Bahrain or the Gulf would give me a totally new experience of Saudi patrons, as the dynamics are different.
An interesting article was written, called “Arab’s Got Prostitution,” which discusses the wide-spread use of prostitutes among Khaleeji men. The article has valid points, however I don’t feel it is fair to demonize all Khaleeji clients of prostitutes. Like all clients, there are ones with good and bad intentions, as well clients have numerous reasons for resorting to sex workers.
It is important to note that the prostitution phenomenon the Middle East is the outcome of many factors: Modernization, Neo-Liberalism, Imperialism, Globalization, War, etc.
Many social and cultural factors have lead Saudi men being popular patrons of prostitutes. For instance, Saudi men are now marrying much later compared to the past, due to spending their early 20′s getting an education, trying to find a good job. Dowry is also a deterrent for early marriage. Furthermore, Gulf state laws forbid dating and interacting with non-related women. It is unrealistic to expect young Saudi men to just refrain from sexual activities. The outcome of numerous factors certainly correlates to men resorting to prostitutes in neighbouring Bahrain or other countries. What is tragic is when these men show no sense of responsibility to these women, conditioning men to think it’s okay to ‘use a woman’ with no emotional attachment. Again, not all clients have this ‘neglecting’ intention, but sadly many do. Such neglecting behavior negates the essence of Islam, which Islam emphasizes social justice for people.
Your Question: Why do some men prefer prostitutes for sex?
This is a subjective question. But there is something I think about often: many prostitutes are assertive women. They have their own money and they are independent. Many do NOT cling to men, because men are multiple for a prostitute. It is not a big deal if a prostitute is unsatisfied with one man, because there are plenty of men who can replace him. Some prostitutes develop confidence over time in her sexuality because of her experience.
“Normal” women (women who don’t sell their bodies) make is this assumption: pleasing the man will win his heart (it wont!). I have not read that popular book, “Why Men Love Bitches” yet, but the title alone is enough to support my argument. Men need challenge, men need mystery….and men need a woman to be assertive! A woman can still be sexually submissive and be assertive too; this does not mean she has to be dominant in sex per say. Also, the importance of personality is so crucial, and a lot of women forget about their own needs and desires. Investing all your time in your appearance might attract men, but it won’t keep them. A woman who thinks she can please a man by giving him, for example, oral sex everyday isn’t very challenging either. What about a woman’s pleasure? Why are most ‘normal’ women not assertive about their own sexual needs? Perhaps because ‘normal’ women are still timid about sex. This is what differs between prostitutes and ‘normal’ women; prostitutes become comfortable with their bodies and sex appeal because it’s our job. For instance, I am quite demanding in my personal sex life. I have certain sex expectations from my previous lovers. I cannot be with a man who doesn’t know how to give me amazing orgasms. If he can’t please me, he better learn or he will lose me. I only gained this confidence from my experience in the sex industry. For every lousy sexual partner, there is a great talented lover…so why settle for less? I’d much rather be alone than be with a man who treats me less then what I expect. Without these experiences, I probably would be too timid to demand sexual pleasure.
In a vain sense, I feel the men in my life serve me. Sure, I am a ‘service provider,’ but essentially men feel a bit intimidated by me. They know I am sexually experienced, so they know that pleasing me is not an easy task. I pose a challenge to my lovers. The irony is I can be quite insecure. But with men, initially, I would never dare to expose my insecurities.
Your Question: Do Prostitutes Enjoy Sex with Clients?
This really depends on the individual (the sex worker). Some women can get aroused by certain clients, and other women are absolutely repulsed by clients trying to give them pleasure. One escort I met told me she was molested as a child, and resultantly she hates sex with clients. She told me her services are very ‘restricted.’ She said she could never kiss a client, or allow a client to kiss her body, because the idea sickened her. Clients will argue that women who don’t enjoy sex should NOT be a prostitute, but that’s too simple to say. This woman shouldn’t be selling herself, but again many of these women do not have a choice. They were placed in a position of desperation, with limited options. Or perhaps they might have been facing some sort of addiction, and selling themselves is the only method that works for them. I feel deeply sorry for these women, because they despise selling themselves, and yet society has made no alternatives for them.
Personally, I have ‘enjoyed’ some men as clients, but it is not enjoying it the same way I enjoy my lovers (then again, all my lovers originated as clients). I say ‘enjoyed’ because sex with a client cannot compare to having sex with someone I love. I can even orgasm with clients who push the right buttons, but there is still a difference. I connect with some of my clients and feel desire with some of them. What I enjoy is a client who is easy going and not demanding. Essentially, a client is enjoyable when I feel totally relaxed. In any event I cannot show a client my displeasure; I, a prostitute, must act as if pleasure was in my nature.
My desire for certain clients depends on my personal life. When I am working and not in a relationship (single) I enjoy sex with clients more. They are my only source for sex when I am single, because I avoid casual sex. But when I am in love with someone the idea of a client devouring my body is sometimes harder for me to digest (but again, I do not show it). It’s really confusing: I can still have an orgasm, yet have no desire afterwards for them. For instance, I had a client not too long ago who was an absolute gentleman. He was generous, extremely respectful, and he actually made me orgasm twice. Did I enjoy it? Well, at the moment, yes and no. He had amazing sexual skills and was warm and intellectual, but of course I am not in love with him at all. He wasn’t my type either, so although he made me cum I was not really attracted. I cannot genuinely enjoy a mans touch unless I love him or feel truly attracted.
Now, if a sex worker started to develop feelings for her client, then of course she will enjoy his touch. After all, my ex-fiance was my client. Instantly we had chemistry upon meeting, so I did enjoy his touch.