A lot of people are curious about the sex industry, which is reflected in the stats of this site. There are numerous phrases people search for in google to find this website. Many of those phrases are asking a question that is related to escorting, prostitution, courtesans, mistresses, relationships with clients, etc. So, I thought I would answer some of the questions that spark curiosity to my readers. Also, if there is a question that you may have regarding any aspect of the sex industry in any context, please let me know. Please remember that my perspectives can be subjective and in some cases biased.
Your Question: How do I tell people that I am an escort/sex worker?
Telling people you are prostitute should be done with extreme caution. Even if a prostitute feels no shame in her profession, she should keep it among intimate friends only. Remember, this is an aspect of society that many people can never understand or accept. Even people who appear non-judgemental towards sex workers might not fully understand the plight of a prostitute. Be prepared to face social castigation (rejection). Having said that, such a secret is difficult to keep inside, because it’s a secret that has shaped sex workers. Prostitution relates to sex, and sex is an intimate, touchy subject in modern society. Sex is also unique to each individual encounter and differs with each person, and thus it’s not easily understood in the same manner by all. If an escort feels compelled to tell someone, then she must tell it to someone who makes her feel safe, a person she ultimately trusts.
Your Question: How do escorts lure men to them? Or in other words, how do escorts attract clients?
Well, many prostitutes do not physically go out and lure men from the streets, unless we are actually working on the street (which is not associated with ‘high-end’ escorting). Escorts do not lure men per say. The transaction requires participants from both sides. Essentially, some men are looking for sex and/or companionship and the escorts are offering their services. In modern settings, escorts place advertisements either online or in newspapers, and clients find these websites where escorts offer their services. Call-girl agencies typically advertise online and in newspapers too.
I have never gone out to find clients in public settings. I advertise and let the men come to me. They view my website and photo’s and make the choice to arrange a booking with me. For men, seeing an escort is a bit of gamble, because clients cannot be sure of what to expect from the escort. The same can be said for escorts, as escorts do not know what to expect from their clients (generally, the hope is clients will be handsome, polite, generous and relatively easily to please).
I should also address what makes men seek escorts in the first place. In other words, what do men seek in escorts instead of their own wives or other non-prostitute women? Non-sex workers probably feel that men are attracted to an escorts immense beauty and sex appeal. But I must tell you that this is a myth; escorts are no different than other women. We are no more exceptional because we are ‘wanted’ by some men. I used ‘wanted’ in quotations because escorts are not truly wanted. Escorts are wanted for a shallow purpose (sex without commitment) most of the time. There are always exceptions to the rule, but in general a prostitute is only wanted for the purpose of sexual fulfillment without emotional acknowledgement.
In Western society, there is a growing importance for sex appeal. Women feel it is important to be sexually desirable to men all the time. This is a very unfortunate part of society, because women are objectifying themselves further by placing their self-worth on their sex appeal. I am guilty of this too. But I must say sex appeal is not a worthy quality at all. Being wanted for shallow reasons never made me genuinely happy.
In the West, normal women are trying to be the ‘ideal’ woman that is promoted by society. But what these women fail to realize is that there is NO ideal woman. For instance, women see how many men are avid porn watchers, so these women try to imitate prostitutes by getting plastic surgeries and dressing provocatively. Meanwhile, such women don’t want their brains to be neglected, so they get educated. The result is ‘educated’ women who uses their sex-appeal to feel powerful, which is a contradiction (they have objectified themselves and made themselves further subordinate to men). The reality is that these women have given away their power by trying to be the wife, the sex object, and the intellectual.
Your Question: How to Be an Upper Class Escort?
There are various factors, and having just one is usually not enough to become successful. Beauty alone may get clients for one visit, but beauty alone will not keep a steady clientele. Having said that, beauty is also in the eye of the beholder. A woman does not have to be exceptionally beautiful to be a successful prostitute, but it’s essential to be physically well-groomed, decently attired, polished, and healthy. The most important aspect is your personality with clients. Typically, clients like women who are nice, affectionate and accommodating. However, personality is also subjective, so I cannot suggest specific traits that clients want.
Again, if one is thinking to become an escort, they have to realize that it is a life-changing experience. An escort may gain in terms of money, but she loses in other ways in the process. Some escorts find the lifestyle easy, while others find it to be a severe addiction that has ruined many aspects of their personal happiness. From my observations, the only escorts that don’t seem to struggle emotionally are ones who numb their emotions with drugs, relaxers, and the various intoxicants.
Your Question: How to Leave the Industry? How to Stop Escorting?
For women who are doing this and cannot enjoy it, then I understand the desire to stop escorting. For me, I don’t despise this work, but it’s still not easy to remain a prostitute in a hostile society (where I am legally and socially condemned by attitudes and laws).
I have a post regarding my thoughts on leaving the industry. My view is rather negative and depressing, because I feel most women remain in the industry. Only in very rare cases I have seen a girl leave the industry for good. But as I mention in that post, prostitutes seem to only leave the industry when they get involved in a relationship, and unfortunately they go right back to the industry when the relationship fails.
I should try to be more optimistic. For myself, I am not sure if I want to quit. As long as clients are good, then I have no quarrels continuing to see them. Yet things become complicated when I’m in love with one man, or trying to ignore the stigma. I enjoy aspects of my job, but unfortunately society doesn’t feel the same way. Even when I graduate from University, I can still make more income working in the sex industry regardless of finding a qualified ‘normal’ job. For women who enjoy this work, rather than quiting, one should try to avoid internalizing this idea that their job is ‘wrong.’ However, for women who do this and DO NOT enjoy it, then it’s wrong. Sadly, what better alternatives are available to women who don’t like selling their bodies? If society made better alternatives for women in poor socioeconomic situations, then they wouldn’t be resorting to this work in the first place.
The industry is somewhat addicting in terms of financial rewards. The first step is for an escort to understand herself. She needs to assess why she got in the industry and the reasons why she needed the money. Leaving the industry will require immense sacrifice, and perhaps resorting to lower pay. This is not always an option for women. It means getting a ‘normal’ job to survive, and training oneself to work long hours on a schedule. I can understand why for many sex workers, this ‘normative’ life is not appealing.
A materialistic prostitute (a woman selling herself to gain social/superficial prestige –like I started out to be) will find it the most difficult to leave the industry. She is not only facing addiction to the money, but she is also deeply insecure. She has based her entire self-worth on the presence of luxury and wealth. This was once my problem, but now I sell myself because I enjoy the benefits that exists (autonomy,working at my own pace, financial ease) and enjoy seeing clients. The battle I face is with being silenced by society and realizing my profession is not socially recognized. This job is not negative for all women, but it requires great strength to overcome the negatives.
Your Question: I am in love with a prostitute/ escort. Will our relationship be successful?
First, you need to assess what sort of prostitute she is. Ask: Why is she selling herself, and more importantly what factors lead her into selling herself to men? What sort of values does this woman have? A man who is in love with a prostitute must realize that a prostitute does not have the same experiences as a ‘normal’ woman. Therefore, a prostitute will be deeply shaped by her unique experiences, experiences that ‘normal’ women do not encounter. The experiences faced by prostitutes affect their emotions, and mostly in a negative way. For instance, a prostitute who sells herself to gain higher status (live in comfort/luxury) is likely to have a major ego followed by major insecurities. Insecurities do great damage to relationships, which I have experienced. Often, my insecurities caused me to lash out on my partners. I could not bare the idea of being wanted by only one man, when previously I (or my ego) was accustomed to ‘praise’ and ‘admiration’ by numerous men.
My estimate is that a relationship with a prostitute can be successful if she is ready to bring love into her life. Some are simply not ready for this, or perhaps they don’t want the conventional relationship. As her lover, you should also be respectful of her needs and desires, as she might not want to give up her work. One needs to ask themselves, can they handle being with a woman who see’s other men? Some can, some cannot. It’s also not easy for a prostitute to transition into a ‘normative’ relationship when she’s become accustomed to her own independence and lifestyle.
Often, I wish my ex-fiance could have understood me better. But its not his fault. Neither of us knew I was seriously confused about what I wanted in life — after all, I was only 22 back then. Although I was a prostitute, I considered myself ‘normal’ up until being serious with my ex; but later I realized that my lifestyle had many me anything but the ‘norm.’ (Which isn’t a bad thing, but I wasn’t accepting it initially). My ex also thought I was a just like other ‘normal’ women because I didn’t look or act like a ‘typical’ prostitute (typical in the context of being vulgar, uneducated). He had expectations of me that were expected of women who don’t sell themselves, but he was not prepared for my ‘baggage.’ Love is strange, and blinding. Despite the constraints I caused our relationship, my ex didn’t give up. He accepted me as I was. Instead, I gave up, because I knew I was only capable of hurting him. I could not promise him anything, because I was too much confused back then — things made sense only later.
Your Question: Do Escorts Fall in Love with Clients?
Yes, it happens. But what I mentioned above illustrates that escort-client relationships are tricky. They are often unsuccessful as either the client cannot commit or the escort cannot compromise her work. So far, I have been in two serious relationships (one currently on-going) with men who originated as my clients. I have also been in love with an additional young man, Khalid, who’s a client, but money is what keep us from being in a serious relationship. Khalid doesnt have the means to give me enough financial support, therefore I refuse to commit myself to him. Instead, the two men who got me, my ex and the Sheik, helped me lovingly and generously. My ex provided for me financially, and so does my current partner. That aspect alone is a deal-breaker whether I like to admit or not. I could never be with a man who doesn’t ‘spoil’ me, because my addiction and ego is too strong (not something I am proud about). My poisoned theory is: why be with a man who doesn’t spoil me when there are many of other men willing to spoil me?
Your Question: Why does society say it’s wrong to be a prostitute?
It is only in modern (Western) history that prostitution has been constructed as a social ‘issue,’ where it became generalized, degraded, devalued and stigmatized pertaining to political agendas of dominant powers. For further academic reading, Michel Foucault explains this in his “The History of Sexuality.” One must be mindful that prostitution has existed in different ways and in different contexts historically, and has not always been viewed as a ‘shameful’ act.
Imagine you are a political elite. You have millions of people in your nation-state, and those people need to be mobilized and controlled. How to control these masses of people? Firstly, you need to assert your dominance. You need to instil fear into the minds of those millions of people, because fear is a great form of control. Thus, you create structures and have massive propaganda campaigns that support your ideals. In this structure, you create strict rules that dictate what is acceptable and what is not acceptable. Of course, you want your followers (the masses) to be loyal and embrace your society/kingdom, so you have to make them believe the rules (of the organization) are ‘good’ and ‘beneficial.’ Now, if you are male, you don’t want a bunch of women running around and having the freedom to choose who they sleep with. After all, in this mentality, women are the producers of future generations. Then, you control the sexuality of women, and by doing that you can control the future children being born into your kingdom. You tell the people that a ‘good’ woman is one who is chaste, modest and only has sex when it’s lawful to do so (in a marriage contract). A woman who has sex for pleasure is totally wrong and bad! Thus, if you are woman who has ‘loose’ morals you are a terrible person, and should be condemned by society. Social exclusion/condemnation is a way of preventing others from defying the norms that benefit your kingdom.
The point in my little story above is to illustrate that prostitution is solely unacceptable in contemporary society because it clashes with the interests of the dominant class. Women’s bodies are still viewed as the essential component to nation building, so most modern rulers are deeply concerned with regulating sexuality. Prostitution as being ‘the great social evil’ is only a recent European historical phenomenon stemming from the late 19th century.
Your Question: Why NOT to become a prostitute / call girl / girl ?
Well, my whole blog gives endless indirect reasons why not to become a prostitute. It should be quite apparent that I’m not entirely content with the situation, but my situation is ideal compared to the majority of others. I do enjoy sex and do enjoy it with some clients, so for me personally, it can be positive. However, most escorts do not have my outlooks. If a woman loathes the idea of seeing and sleeping with different men, then I don’t recommend sex work at all. The reality is that most escorts do not enjoy their work, and are doing it solely for money. Even if a woman can enjoy it, she has to be strong enough to overcome potential of the consequences of this work: the added loneliness, living a double life, the loss of touch from reality, the insecurities, being vulnerable to alcohol and drugs as a form of coping, the false facades, the rejection, the shallow values associated with money, the prospect of never trusting a monogamous relationship, the false feeling of being loved and wanted, loss of family/friends and the separation from simplicity (natural happiness). A very resilient woman can overcome these emotional stresses, yet many cannot.
Your Question: How does an escort make money when she has her period (menstruating) ?
Good question. I had the same question when I first joined the sex industry. I had absolutely no idea what the answer would be. I was quite shocked when the madam told me, “Not working because of your period is NOT an excuse!” I was shocked to learn that almost all prostitutes work during their menses. I learned that many had their own methods to deal with the blood. Some women used contraceptives which made their menses disappear altogether. Another technique was used when the period was in its lighter stages in which a red colored condom is used to disguise any droplets of blood. The other more common method was using a sponge (a make-up/ or sea-sponge) that is inserted inside the vagina before seeing a client. The sponge is not felt during sex and it captures the blood thus making the sex blood-free.
Your Question: Is non-sexual escorting classified as ‘prostitution?’
This question is regarding the concept of a ‘social escort,’ which is typically a woman who is paid to accompany men for social events, such as dinners, outings, etc. I have yet to meet a ‘social escort’ who strictly does not have sex with her client afterwards. Indeed there are many clients who seek companionship over sexual intercourse. There are many other sexual acts besides penetration that some men seek. A small minority of clients don’t even request for sex, but rather they like to spend the time talking, or satisfying, perhaps, a certain ‘fetish’ with the woman. Regardless, most clients desire some form of release. I have only encountered a handful of men who didn’t want any release at all (meaning these men didn’t want to ejaculate/come). It is a rarity. Never the less, my theory is a ‘social-only’ escort cannot truly exist. If the man paying for her company likes her, then he will offer more money to get sexual services. The money is too tempting for such a woman to say no. It would SEEM ideal to be a ‘social’ escort in theory in which a woman is paid to just hang out with men. Yet in reality, mingling with men in public is far more time-consuming, less financially rewarding, and much more ‘work’ compared with having sex with a client.
A social-only escort could not charge the rates of a prostitute. For instance, there are some women who provide services other than actual sex. These women refer to their services as ‘sensual massage,’ in which they provide a nude massage complete with hand-release, and maybe oral sex. Since these sensual masseuses do not have sex, they also cannot charge the rate of a ‘full-service’ prostitute. Rate is generally determined by the amount of service provided.