Category Archives: Facts About the Sex Industry

May 22, 2013 · 8:31 pm

Justice For All? The use of Law and the Hypocrisy of Feminist Stances Towards Prostitution Laws

How do government laws affect the lives of prostitutes? Below is an old essay I wrote regarding prostitution laws in today’s Modern nation-state world:

It is hard to imagine reading a paper or watching the news without hearing about some excerpt about prostitution and laws surrounding. After all, prostitution has historically been a popular and controversial issue in many societies. Defining prostitution is difficult because of the various interpretations of its meaning. According to the World Health Organization, prostitution is, “a process that involves a transaction between a seller and a buyer of a sexual service.” On the other hand, the United Nations Program on HIV/AIDS has a more complex interpretation of prostitution: “Sex work may be formal or informal,” and then continue to explain that, “Commercial sex work may be conducted in formally organized settings from sites such as brothels, night clubs, and massage parlors; or more informally by commercial sex workers who are street-based or self-employed.” The complexity of prostitution helps explain why it’s an issue that evokes multiple opinions. In the modern nation-state, prostitution has become a social ‘issue’ that is regulated or prohibited by law. For instance, prostitution may be illegal, legal, or decriminalized. For social and cultural academics, it is important to make the sense of laws and the society. Therefore, one can use variety of theoretical frameworks, such as feminism or bio-politics, to explain the prostitution phenomena. In this essay, I will look at certain feminist influences on prostitution laws, and it’s implications. I will then analyze those feminist trends in prostitution laws through the lens of biopower. The two popular feminist stances have been either to tolerate prostitution by regulating it or to abolish prostitution by criminalizing it. Overall, prostitution laws result in the further marginalization of prostitutes despite being back by some feminist groups. Prostitution laws, instead, maintains neoliberal state interests while ignoring the true feminist aim of female empowerment.

Theory

Biopower is a term that was coined by Michel Foucault, which inspired a new theoretical frame to academic thought. For Foucault, biopower is the ‘”regulatory power of states over populations,” which thus produces, “docile bodies in everyday life of institutions.” In other words, Foucault tried to emphasize that the body is a way to understand a society and how power is used to control their lifestyles. Lifestyles of individuals and their self-care practices are influenced by an overarching power. Giorgio Agamben further elaborated Foucault’s theory. In Agamben’s view, the sovereign power constructs ideals for citizenship where certain lifestyles amount to a ‘qualified life.’ However, individuals who contrast from the ‘ideal’ are living a ‘bare life,’ and thus are excluded in various ways, such as marginalization or facing violence. Therefore, the marginalized groups in society are only marginalized because state power determines who can be included in the society and who cannot. In “What’s Law Got to Do with it? How and Why Law Matters in the Regulation of Sex Work,” Jane Scoular notes that prostitutes are part of the ‘bare life,’ where they are marginalized due to not being ‘ideal’ citizens. To understand biopower, it is important to know who is an ‘ideal’ citizen and answer: what is the purpose of including some while excluding others?

In modern nation-states in the West, a ‘qualified’ life relates to neoliberal ideals. Neoliberalism is a shift in political, economic and ideological policy that began in the 1980’s (Yang, 2013), which currently dominates many governments globally. Economically, it is a policy of free-markets with minimal government interventions. Politically, it is the diffusion of government into smaller institutions. The notion of ‘freedom’ and individualism is the ideology behind neoliberalism, where individual freedom is achieved only through free markets. Yet the hidden element is that neoliberal policies seek to maintain the power of economic elites, and, it’s a “political project to re-establish the conditions of capital accumulation.” Neoliberalism, according to Scoular, is the main idea behind a ‘qualified’ life in Agamben terms. She notes, “modern law operates to regulate the complete lives of individuals,” and thus the law influences social norms. For instance, prostitutes are marginalized due to social stigma. The stigma, as Davey and Kissil mention, is the result of laws that criminalize prostitutes. Prostitutes are criminalized because the state feels they pose a threat to their ideals. For instance, the Contagious Diseases Acts in the late 19^th century are said to criminalize prostitutes for their alleged danger to public health. Medical discourses and sciences were used to justify penalizing ‘unregulated’ persons, but in reality it was a moral panic over ‘unregulated’ sexuality. Controlled sexuality was crucial to the Modern nation-state agenda. Thus, prostitutes can only be ‘qualified’ if they satisfy the needs of neoliberal ideals, such as self-regulating themselves in a manner which results capital accumulation. The law is a way of expressing state power in an indirect way, as it influences norms, and thus influences people to maintain neoliberal interests. I will discuss how neoliberal interests are maintained through prostitution laws, but first I will discuss feminism as theory, since certain feminist have a strong stance on prostitution laws.

Feminism consists of many differing outlooks, yet there are notions that all feminists agree upon. For instance, feminists agree that female voices need to be addressed and recognized in society. They also stand for female empowerment through gender equality, especially in a Modern context where women are found less in high status positions compared to men. Despite these agreed upon notions, feminists differ in other aspects. Postmodern feminists, for instance, contend that feminism has been dominated by white, middle-class women, and such women cannot represent the interests of women as a whole. The weakness in feminism is that there is a lack of consensus on a variety of topics. With regards to prostitution, there are oppositional feminist stances, which is highlighted by Maureen Davey and Karni Kissil in their analysis titled, “The Prostitution Debate in Feminism: Current Trends, Policy and Clinical Issues Facing an Invisible Population.” Yet these two feminist stances do not speak for all feminists, because many feminists may be open to other theories on prostitution.

Discussion

Abolish Prostitution? Regulate it?

Two popular feminist stances towards laws on prostitution are: abolishing prostitution or regulating it. Yet while both have different stances, they both have very limited outlooks. Feminists who seek to abolish prostitution are often termed as Radical Feminists. In their view, prostitutes are victims of male oppression. Their goal is to abolish prostitution, as they feel prostitution only serves to oppress women. An example of this stance is found in Sweden, where prostitution is illegal. However, punishment is only directed at clients, whereas sex workers, seen as victims, are guided by state into ‘exiting’ programs. On the other side, another group of feminists, which Davey and Kissil termed the ‘pro’ feminists, feel that prostitutes have the agency to make their own choices and thus the laws should give them legal rights. The ‘pro’ feminists are usually in favor of laws which prostitution is tolerated. Therefore, legalization assumes that prostitutes will be empowered because they have legal rights. Overall, both the ‘pro’ and radical feminists are not challenging hegemonic state power, but rather are staying within its power. They fail to address how prostitution laws are part of wider form of maintaining state interests. In this view, the two feminist stances in the prostitution debate are problematic, because they are trying to represent the voices of all women. But as Kissil and Davey note, the two feminist stances have seldom consulted with the voices and desires of the prostitutes themselves. The lack of acknowledging the voices of prostitutes is apparent when given the implications of these feminist solutions to prostitution.

Prostitution laws, whether tolerant or against prostitution, results in more disadvantage than advantage for prostitutes. This is rather ironic, since feminist backed prostitution laws are usually aimed at protecting sex workers. For example, in Sweden, prostitutes are only protected from the law so long they adhere to ‘exiting’ programs, which are programs that aid prostitutes to exit the sex industry and integrate in mainstream society. This idea of exiting assumes that all prostitutes have the same desires, and thus all can be controlled. Therefore, prostitutes who don’t exit are deemed as criminals. As Scoular notes, “Criminalization in Sweden resulted in more risky situations for sex workers, where they have less choice of clients, quicker transactions, drop in prices and greater stress” (20). She further notes, “The Swedish Model just got rid of ‘visible’ street workers, while it created ‘invisible’ sex workers in off-street work” (20). Therefore, individuals who remain prostitutes in Sweden become excluded, because society has made no place for them. What is also interesting is how radical feminists aim at the criminalization of men over women, where men targeted as clients. This actually doesn’t result in gender equality, but rather it shifts the stigma of prostitutes over to men.

Canadian examples illustrate the implications of prostitution laws where prostitution is tolerated. In Canada, the exchange of sex for money is legal, yet other laws make it difficult for prostitutes to conduct their services legally. Tamara O’Doherty (2011) notes that Canadian prostitution laws “ensure prostitution remains firmly entrenched in illicit markets by requiring sex workers to offend the criminal laws in order to work in safely (indoor venues)” (219). She further notes how Section 213 of the Canadian criminal code states that public communication for the purpose of prostitution is criminally prohibited. To illustrate this: brothels cannot legally label themselves as spaces for prostitution. Instead, they have to label themselves as non-sex related businesses, such as a massage parlor. Prostitutes themselves cannot be open about their services either; they cannot discuss with clients beforehand about their services. At the same time, Section 211 makes it illegal to use a place on a regular basis for prostitution, so therefore the massage parlor must ensure they deny sex is going on. According to O’Doherty, this ‘quasi-legal’ atmosphere places sex workers in more vulnerable positions, where they less prone to working in safe places. Given that the two feminist stances both have mainly negative implications for the lives of prostitutes, it seems that laws are not empowering their intended subjects. But rather, it’s pushing the majority of prostitutes to the ‘bare life.’

Since laws do not benefit most prostitutes, then the obvious question is: who benefits from the prostitution law? The State benefits as the laws ensure that their neoliberal interests are not challenged. In Sweden, exiting programs help prostitutes find ‘normal’ jobs, which they will become ‘qualified’ taxpayers, and thus assimilating with the hegemonic ideals and aiding the state power. In some Canadian provinces, for instance, local municipal laws require that massage parlors obtain expensive licenses to operate. As well, Edmonton sex workers are required by local municipal law to obtain licenses for each place they work. The act of licensing is a way of commercializing the sex industry, which means the state profits off licenses. It also is way of controlling and monitoring prostitutes. Therefore, those who participate in licensing are included in society, as they are doing what the state wants. However, not all prostitutes want or are in the position to reveal their identities. For instance, an illegal immigrant is automatically excluded from having ‘qualified life,’ because they are invisible to state recognition. And while legalization is argued to protect some prostitutes, others have argued that increased regulation means increased policing and monitoring over the lives of women. Further, many academics agree that prostitution laws do not reverse the negative impact of social stigma, which stigma causes psychological trauma for many prostitutes. Therefore, many prostitutes are excluded and marginalized for failing to adhere to state interests. Sadly, marginalized groups are part of sustaining the capitalism. Therefore, the Radical and ‘pro’ feminists are contradicting themselves, because they are supporting a system of inequality, where only a minority of ‘qualified’ prostitutes are included in society. Such groups should not even be called feminist, because feminism is supposed to be about to gender equality.

Feminism in current times, influenced by Postmodernism, emphasizes the diversity of female experiences, yet the ‘pro’ and radical feminist views on prostitution ignore an open, multi-theoretical approach. It is no wonder that these feminist stances on prostitution laws have had problematic results for prostitutes themselves. Given that prostitution laws have not benefited the fate of most sex workers it becomes obvious that laws are more concerned with sustaining state power and interests. However, the complexity involved in prostitution makes it difficult to find an alternative law that will satisfy the needs of everyone. Yet the question remains: can law be more inclusive of all members of society when considering how law is a tool of marginalizing certain people? So while the framework of biopower helps us understand prostitution laws it doesn’t really give us a solution to challenge the hegemonic power. Many aspects of people’s lives are orientated toward neoliberal interests in most advanced capitalist nation-states. Therefore, it is difficult to challenge the power of state when the populations are compliant with the law. However, as an anthropologist it is the task to be critical and to educate others about making the familiar seem strange, whilst making the strange seem more familiar. As a postmodern feminist, it is important to be open to the ideas and theories of others. Rather than continue to marginalize others, one needs to think of ways that society can be more inclusive of so-called deviant groups.

Partial References:

Davey, Maureen & Kissil, Karni. (2010). The Prostitution Debate in Feminism: Current Trends, Policy and Clinical Issues Facing an Invisible Population.Journal of Feminist Family Therapy 22 (1), 1-21.

Farquhar Judith & Zhang Qicheng. (2005). Biopolitical Beijing: Pleasure, Sovereigntly, and Self-Cultivation in China’s Capital. Cultural Anthropology 20(3), 303-327.

Harley, David. (2005). Freedom is just another word. A Brief History of Neo-Liberalism. Oxford: Oxford University Press.

O’Doherty, Tamara. (2011). Criminalization and Off-Street Sex Work in Canada. Canadian Journal of Criminology and Criminal Justice, 217-245.

Schoular, Jane. (2010). What’s Law Got to do with It? How and Why Law Matters in the Regulation of Sex Work. Journal of Law and Society 37 (1), 12-39.

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Filed under "High-class" prostitution, Facts About the Sex Industry, The Escorting Business

Tagged as Biopolitics, Biopower, Commerical Sex Industry, Escorting, Feminism, Foucault, Giorgio Agamben, Governmentality, Marginalized Identities, Neoliberalism, Off Street Sex Work, prostitution, Prostitution Laws in Netherlands, Prostitution Laws in Sweden, The History of Sexuality

February 28, 2013 · 1:24 am

Escorts, Clients and the Sex Industry: Questions and Answers # 5

This is Q&A No.5 of a series where I answer questions that viewers type in search engines to locate my blog.

1. What is an Exotic Escort?

I use the term ‘exotic’ for myself in the context of being ‘different’ as an escort. I differentiate myself in that my cultural roots, ideological outlook and upbringing were rather unique compared to my surroundings. However, now that I look back in retrospect I should have been more cautious in choosing the word ‘exotic,’ because the term ‘exotic’ has a very Orientalist notion to describe the Other outside of the Occident (the West).

Many escorts use the term ‘exotic’ to describe themselves as having a different ‘beauty’ or appearance than the norm of their given setting. For instance, an Asian woman in a predominantly white-dominated sex industry is perceived as ‘exotic,’ because she her features are rare and different from the majority.

2. Is it harder for an escort who has sex with multiple partners daily to orgasm?

It truly depends on her, as an individual and her personal circumstances. A lot of women suppress (or are oblivious to) their sexual desires, so thus orgasm might be challenging or nonexistent in their lives. Traditional Modern Gender roles are a major factor in the suppression of female sexuality, as ‘her pleasure’ was traditionally dismissed as irrelevant in popular discourse. Of course things have changed, as many men and women are aware of the female sexual capabilities. However, the Traditional Gender ideals of masculinity and femininity for men and women are still institutionalized in almost every factor of Modern society, and thus remain influential attitudes.

But as I mentioned in a previous Q&A, having sex with clients can sometimes enhance my personal sex life. I may or may not get aroused by clients, but it certainly builds up my anticipation for my personal lovers. Having a lot of mediocre sex with clients can sometimes make me intensely crave good intimacy with someone I desire.

3. What do escorts think about older clients?

Old, middle-aged, young…it doesn’t really matter to me. Age does not define how a client will act, so such things are quite irrelevant. I know some other female escorts who prefer older clients because there is a belief that older clients are easier to please. This belief may be held because some older men have a tendency of being more patient and relaxed in their sexuality, whereas younger men are more eager. However, characteristics of all sorts can be found in clients regardless of age, class or ethnic background.

4. Do Escorts Give Discounts (Cheaper) for Good Looking Men? Do Escorts Prefer Good Looking Men?

This question actually made me laugh. No! I’d say the majority of escorts would laugh if a man assumed his ‘good looks’ would get him a better deal. Most escorts, such as myself, do not care about looks. An experienced courtesan knows very well that ‘good looks’ have no relevance to our livelihoods. A handsome client does not guarantee that he will be a good sexual lover, a good person or at best, generous. Qualities that I enjoy in clients are generosity, kindness, respect, hygienic, intellect and selflessness in sex (non-demanding) – such things cannot be compensated by superficial aesthetics alone.

This reminded me a client who tried to book with me. He called me and made countless efforts to tell me how ‘handsome’ he was, and how ‘well-endowed’ he was in size. I just rolled my eyes and thought to myself, “You are probably the worst in sex considering you have to convince me of how apparently amazing you are.” I hung up, and refused to see him. Ladies beware: Any man who boasts excessively about his achievements or his ‘amazingness’ is to be avoided. Such men with big egos are usually masking HUGE insecurities and shortcomings. Thankfully, after years of encountering so many men, I know very well that: If it seems too good to be true, it is! Any man who proposes such a ‘larger than life’ offer has a dirty motive behind it, so please be wary of such things.

5. What to do when a Regular Client Starts Seeing Another Girl?

Don’t do anything. He’s a client. Expect this. Sadly, in the Modern world of prostitution it is more than acceptable for a client to have no responsibility towards an escort. Even if he has seen her multiple times, it is at best a fragile relation with little significance. Of course, not all clients have this ‘neglecting’ intention with escorts. In fact, many clients stay loyal to one woman. However, I’d say not to worry about such matters.
Thankfully, I have always maintained a decent, quality handful of regular clients besides my Sheik. I have known some of them for several years. However, these men are not bound to me in any way. Most of them are married. I see them when they request me, but I do not intervene in their lives further, nor do I let them intervene in my own life. Whether or not my regular clients see other girls or not is not of my concern. I have no expectation of them.

In my days working in a high-end brothel, I saw many escorts get furious when their regular client started seeing another girl. Instead of blaming the client, they often blamed the other escort for allegedly ‘stealing’ her client. But blaming other escorts is hardly valid. Blaming the client is also invalid. It is simply part of the industry. Relationships in this industry are very fluid, so I prepare myself to never take things too seriously.
Sometimes I am unable to see my regular clients because I am busy in my personal life. At times I have even encouraged some of my regular clients to see other escorts. If I had a female friend who’s an escort, then I would recommend my client to see her. If you are an escort who has the notion of ‘hoarding’ clients then you are setting yourself up for disappointment. I have found that my ‘openness’ with clients has made them more loyal to me.

6. Do Escorts Like Clients who are ‘Big,’ ‘Well-Endowed?’

From observing conversations with other escorts, most women tend to complain when a client is too big, or too much work (meaning too demanding and takes too long to ejaculate). For instance, if a clients’ size is too big and the intercourse is anticipated to be painful, then we might decline having sex with him. If he is rather large, most of us hope the sex will be quick. Some escorts with very big ego’s will say things like, “I’m not going to risk hurting my pussy with one client, it’s not worth it.” Personally, I have declined to have sex with clients who are too large, because I didn’t feel the potential pain was ‘worth’ my time.

Surprisingly, very ‘big’ men are not common as one may think. Most clients are average in genital size. Many escorts even develop a preference for ‘smaller’ men, because the assumption is that it will do less impact to her body. I prefer average or smaller with clients, because logically it’s easier on my body. My personal preference in my personal life is another story. If I happen to be aroused on a particular day, I must admit that I have preferred an ‘endowed’ size over small. I can recall a few weeks ago I was so aroused one day, and I was meeting a new client. I was immensely full of desire and was hoping that he would be ‘bigger,’ but to my dismay he was like quite small.

I should note that penis size does not guarantee pleasure. A lot of men are insecure about their size, but my view is that size is very secondary to giving pleasure to a woman. Pleasure is not just about physical aspects but also relates to mental stimulation and geometric fit of each participant. Great pleasure is never simply mind or body; it is the combination of both. To illustrate this in another way: a beautiful woman may attract someone, but her body alone is not enough to draw genuine and immense longing from another person. I may attract men with my looks, but when they truly fall in love they fall in love with other elements that are not just physical.

7. Is it a Bad to Have an Escort Girl for a Girlfriend?

Why is it bad? It is only ‘bad’ because Modern society has a cruel and unjust attitude towards prostitutes. An escort is no different than any other human being. She is deserving of love, acknowledgement and care just as anyone else. Sadly, society still holds this view that such non-conforming groups are un-deserving of basic human dignity. Such a view needs to be challenged.

8. Do Escorts Enjoy Having Sex?

I sometimes get annoyed when I repetitively see questions like these, because asking such a question makes the assumption that human emotions can be standardized and generalized like an inanimate product.

I cannot speak on behalf of all escorts, because human beings have a diverse span of emotions, experiences and life circumstances which all form their unique way of viewing life (and viewing others). If an escort likes sex, it does not mean she will like sex with just anyone. Of course not.

As I have stressed before on this blog: things such as chemistry are not ‘learned’ behaviors – no amount of superficial efforts can create chemistry. Two people desiring each other remains as mysterious today as it has in the past – chemistry is a phenomenon that has no linear explanation.

9. Being an Escort: How to Keep a Normal Life Going with This Double Life I’m Living?

A question what one needs to ask themselves is: what constitutes as being normal? Is it obedience to authority? Is it acting like everyone else? It is not questioning the dominant trends or discourses? A lot of the Modern norms that exist today serve the purpose of benefiting a system of inequality and dehumanization rather than a humanistic and collectivist purpose. A question I had to ask myself in recent years is: It there even a point to continue striving for a ‘normal’ life when my life is anything but the norm?

I had mentioned in my blog previously that I make tremendous efforts to conform in public. The way I dress, act and appear is very conforming (normal) from a public perspective. The purpose of conforming is to avoid rejection; I once desperately wanted to belong and be accepted by others. But in the process of appearing normal I was truly rejecting myself. It also became very exhausting trying to play different roles in different settings, so often I just isolated myself as it was the only place I could stop pretending to be someone I was not.

For years after becoming an escort, I struggled with my identity. I didn’t know who I was, and I focused more on what I was expected to be. I was performing several different roles, catering to the needs of everyone else. I was an escort, but I had to conceal this part of my life. How could I look, act and mingle like the majority of people when my experiences, tastes and ideas were totally different? How could I interact with normal women who would probably shun me if they knew my secret lifestyle? This is when I realized that society has made no place for stigmatized persons; for years it was emotionally exhausting feeling I must hide myself all the time.

Other escorts realize their rejection in mainstream society early on, so they find social support among other sex workers. But I couldn’t do this. I felt estranged even among most other escorts — sadly, there is no sense of wholesome solidarity/community among escorts in an Individualistic society. Many escorts are still profoundly influenced by gender role expectations (ironically) and tend to judge each other. I found that escorts usually bond together in their misery. Rather than deal with their pain together in a wholesome manner, they resort to ‘numbing’ their pain together by way of partying, drinking, excessive materialism and/or drug use. “Misery loves company” is a perfect phrase for when escort solidarity does exist. It isn’t only stigmatized persons, but also a lot of seemingly normal people tend to ‘party’ away their misery, because they themselves get tired of trying to live up to an unrealistic ideal placed upon their gender. Social pressures surely can explain why the ‘drinking and party’ culture is so prevalent in Western societies, because drinking allows people to be artificially feel comfortable with themselves. Personally, I try my best to avoid such artificial situations. For me, the only place where I could reveal myself is when I was alone. My other outlet is when I fell in love.

Early on, I desired the ‘normal’ life and expectations for a woman: to fall in love, to get married and to have a family. I imagined that I could easily transition into a ‘normal’ life once getting married and settling down. And I almost did it. I stopped working for a long portion when I was with my ex-fiance. But throughout our relationship, I realized that my experiences of being a sex worker prevented me from conforming to the tastes and mannerisms of mainstream society, because I still had to hide myself. My ex-fiance accepted me and never judged me for selling my body, but the struggle remained within myself. In the early years of escorting, I was in denial of the fact that I wasn’t like ‘normal’ girls. I sold my body, but I felt I was better than most escorts because my outside lifestyle and mannerisms were normative. But now, I have come to accept that I am a woman with a totally different outlook compared to the average girl. I see sides of men and their sexuality that most women never see. My experiences have made my life anything but normal. And now I accept it, and I stop trying to look for straight lines.

So can an escort ever live a normal life? Sure, she can pretend her life is normal for outsiders, but inside she will be hiding a lot of emotions. A person can only hide themselves for so long. Sadly, I do not have a sound answer to this question, as there isn’t really any wholesome alternatives made for sex workers in a Modern Western context. I personally found comfort in associating myself with people who are open-minded and critical of certain social norms. I also find that a lot of students in the Arts and Social Sciences discipline (sociology, gender studies, history, humanities, anthropology and the like) are quite open-minded and accepting of alternative lifestyles, as most of our research is to deconstruct/understand such phenomena opposed to blind subordination. There are a minority of decent, wholesome people who challenge the unjust notions of society and are in favor of alternative lifestyles.

A lot of great films about courtesans and ‘fallen women’ really depict this emotional struggle that we face, where a prostitute realizes her place in society is un-welcomed, abnormal, detestable and condemned. Shortly, I will post a list of great films that portray the life and emotions of a prostitute. One of the greatest films about the life and misery of a courtesan is an old Bollywood film titled, “Pakeezah.” A translation of a powerful line in the film is when Sahib Jaan (the courtesan) says to her beloved, “wherever you take me, my disgrace will eventually find me.” That line clearly shows her loss of hope, knowing that her soul is irreversibly scarred by her maligned experiences.

An excellent analysis of the courtesan film, “Pakeezah” can be found here: http://mrandmrs55.com/2012/04/16/the-immortal-dialogue-of-pakeezah/

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Filed under Facts About the Sex Industry, High-class prostitution, Questions for Escorts And Clients, The Escorting Business, Types of Clients

Tagged as Courtesan, Emotional Issues of Escorts, Escort as a Girlfriend, Escort Blog, Escort Diary, Escort Girlfriend, Films, Gender discourse, Handsome / Good Looking Clients, Marginalization, Memoirs of an Escort, Pakeezah, Prostititues, Prostitute Films, Prostitute Orgasm, Pure Heart, Regular Clients, Sex Industry, Sex with an Escort, Stigma, What is an Exotic Escort?

Aside

Escorting: Fears, Risks, and the ‘Girlfriend Experience.’

A female reader emailed me and posed an interesting question:

“I wanted to ask if you get any anxiety about stds? I wonder if escorts can ever feel very safe about meeting so many men who may infect them with something very serious.”

To answer her question: yes, when I first started escorting I had severe anxiety over many things, such as worrying about sexually transmitted diseases. Besides worrying about diseases, I was also worried that too much sex was going to damage me internally, by making me ‘loose.’ I wrote about that previously, which can be viewed here:
http://exoticescortdiary.com/2012/03/02/the-myth-of-a-loose-woman/

When I began escorting, I had very little sexual experience, thus I was a bit fearful of what having sex with strangers might entail. In particular, I was very worried that sleeping with multiple clients was placing me at risk for sex-related diseases. But once more familiar with the industry I realized that the risk was very minimal as I used a condom for oral and sex. My introduction to escorting began with a high-end establishment that instructed girls to be extremely safe. And by extremely safe this meant there was no such thing as the ‘GFE’ (the Girlfriend Experience). At this high-end agency, escorts risked losing their job if they were caught doing ‘extras.’ Back then, the owner of this particular establishment prided herself in having girls who avoided GFE. In other words, there would be no kissing, no oral sex without a condom, or anything that’s considered intimate-like. Nowadays, such cautious attitudes do not prevail, and virtually all agencies and brothels embrace more risky services associated with the various interpretations of GFE. Men want the closest to passionate sex as possible from an escort — which is why GFE is highly in demand. Every girl has her own interpretation of what GFE entails — it might be oral sex with or without condoms, it might be light kissing or deep french kissing, etc, etc. Yet despite some girls being a little more/or less open-minded for certain acts of foreplay, a condom is always used for sex in any situation.

I’ve maintained the same stance on being safe. However, there is a slight contradiction. As I mentioned before, I did/do cross boundaries with certain clients. Specifically, I give in to receiving pleasure occasionally. A lot of clients then and now were lovely men, who seduced me in a respectful manner. I seldom stop them if they are talented. In such instances, I lavish in my own vanity and pleasure….and I’d think to myself something highly arrogant, such as, “Ahhh, men pay me to give ME pleasure.“

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To my readers, I apologize for my absence. I have been writing lots as always, yet most of my writings are half-finished as I’m doing the difficult task of incorporating ideology and context to my observations. What I aim to do is give my readers a broader understanding, and a more ‘academic’ feel for the sex industry. I seek to conceptualize rather than simply sharing my personal accounts. More importantly, I want to avoid ‘essentializing’ traits of men and women, or giving the idea of ‘universals’ for human behavior. In other words, many observed traits of men and women are not innate, but rather are socially constructed. I want to focus on the social conditions that set the norms and habits in certain contexts or circumstances. A lot of what I write is very much context constrained (for the most part, I am writing about ‘high-end’ escorting in a Western social context). Although the experiences and observations I write about are common occurances/trends, they are not universals (they are not traits experienced by all prostitutes cross-culturally, nor historically). I want to make these points clear in my other posts. In any event, I also wish to make this blog a dialogue, so I welcome my readers to comment and share their own perspectives.

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January 22, 2013 · 8:19 am

November 7, 2012 · 8:59 pm

Gender Scripts: Dominance/Submission – Implications of Sexual ‘Deviance’

Above is a very controversial photo by Saudi artist Aziz Al-Qahtani. This photo, among others, has caused a lot of negative reactions from viewers for numerous reasons. In particular, his photo captures the very opposite of the Modern gender narrative of ‘dominant man, submissive woman.’

I’ve been writing extensively lately, but unfortunately all my writings are half-finished or I am reluctant to post them. Lately, I’ve been doing a lot of research for my academic life on human sexuality and gender. So far, I’ve come across great research on gender norms, and I’ve related it to my personal life. Gender roles such as ‘femininity’ and ‘masculinity’ are not innate, but rather are socially constructed.

In my personal relationships, I am a femdom. A femdom is a woman who is sexually dominant and typically holds authority in her relationships. It plays out in many different ways. Sexually, a dominant women sort of like a ‘Goddess’ who gets worshiped and admired by men. There are many stereotypes associated with female dominance — many which don’t attribute to me personally. For instance, I am not a leather-clad ‘bitch’ who acts in a vulgar manner. Nor is my dominance about physically punishing men into submissiveness — though I can be sadistic, which my partners willingly and eagerly submit. I identify more with the notion of ‘female-loving authority’ where I am more like an authoritative, disciplinary, yet loving female-figure. I simply assert my own needs, yet I also am loving and nurturing in return. So, consequently, I like men do not adhere to Modern gender roles of masculinity. In the privacy of a relationship, I like submissive men. What is interesting, contrary to mainstream gender roles, men who are sexually submissive can be quite dominant in their public lives. They are not exempt from social pressures to retain masculinity, yet in their own private sphere they desire to be different.

In the West and beyond, female dominance is not the societal norm. In a Modern, globalized world, many societies are patriarchal. Patriarchy can manifest in many ways, but in a Modern context it influences how gender roles in sexual relations are conducted. For instance, men are pressured to be masculine, which translates into dominance. In sex, men are supposed to take on a role of control and dominance over women. Women, on the other hand, are expected to be ‘feminine’ which is attributed with passiveness, gentleness, and submission. Of course, many of us do not adhere to these gendered norms, but they are still very powerful. More importantly, these roles are expected.

I am dominant as a woman. However, my sexual dominance is something I often disguise initially. I am usually discrete about my sexual assertiveness with clients unless they signal that they desire to submit to me. In my personal relationships, I usually start off mimicking traditional female gender roles in sex — being gentle and passive. What can explain why I follow these gender narratives? Because it’s the norm, and to be ‘safe’ I conform. I often state about myself, “I appear like everyone else, but internally I am an out-caste.” I am quite sure I am not alone in that feeling.

Gender narratives of women as ‘feminine’ and men as ‘masculine’ are social norms and thus become expected behaviors. Yet one must not forget that gender is constructed, gender is performance (it is not a biological quality). Following gendered norms is met with social acceptance, and deviance from norms is met with rejection. These gender role pressures are institutionalized into every aspect of Modern society, and are informally maintained by the media. What is not apparent is how modern gender roles are used to maintain capitalist hegemony and exploitation.

So what are the implications for those of us who do NOT follow the ideal of our gender (to be masculine or to be feminine)? How do men cope when they do not fit the ideal of ‘manliness?’ Men face rejection by society in various ways when they do not exhibit ‘masculine’ habits. If a man acts submissive during sex, he may face rejection by his female partner as she has adhered to gender norms prescribed for sex (that men should take control). Non-masculine men are often called derogatory terms likened to femininity in terms such as ‘sissy.’ Both sexes endorse these gendered narratives also by refering to non-masculine men as ‘unmanly.’ I’ve seen many articles online where husbands confess they are secretly submissive and they are seeking advice on how to approach their wives about femdom. These men are worried that their wives will reject them for their ‘strange’ fantasies. They have a valid reason to believe their wives may reject them, because many women often expect and desire men to ‘take control.’ Likewise, dominant women may feel reluctant to demand their sexual pleasure because their male partner might adhere to the narrative that women should ‘submit’ during sex. Many women fear of being labeled as a ‘slut’ if she displays her sexual talents/desires too openly.

I, like many others, feel the modern gender binary (masculine/feminine gender constructs) during sex are flawed. For one, one-sided sexual intercourse (where men orgasm, and the woman doesn’t) creates tension between male and female lovers. Wonder why many women aren’t that horny or suddenly lose interest? Such women have either have never orgasmed, or they are not getting good pleasure from their lovers. We cannot blame men who lack sexual skills, but rather we should look at how society undermines female dominance in various forms (porn, the Media, education, etc). The majority of porn is never about the female pleasure or orgasm, but rather focuses on male dominance over a apparent ‘willing’ woman. Such things are one, of many, which maintain the gender role expectations.

The norm of women being submissive and passive about their sexuality has also caused rebellion in men: many men express a desire to have a dominant woman. This is no wonder, because all the devoted clients/lovers I have had were men who gave me pleasure. Egalitarian sex (where both partners get sexually pleasured) equates to true intimacy and love. Sadly, this is not the norm in mainstream society. Yet ironically, many men are tired of the ‘masculine’ pressure of being dominant and always in control, especially in sex. Yet this desire is often not openly expressed, because again, there is negative social consequences for not following social norms. I argue that a lot of these men resort to prostitutes, as prostitutes are often more exposed and accepting to variations of sexual desires.

Women who are sexually assertive also have their own worries. Women, like myself, can be hesitant to express their sexual needs with new lovers. Many men are not used to the idea of female dominance, even though ironically a growing number of men are expressing a desire for female domination. The double standard still exists in society where women are stigmatized for being sexually ‘enlightened’, whereas men are not. Even women themselves reject other women who are sexually assertive. I am fully aware that I will be judged negatively if I am open about my sexual escapades and fantasies, as I am at high risk for being stigmatized and thus rejected. Often, I tell a ‘white’ lie about my sexual history in order to avoid stigma. For instance, if a ‘normal’ friend (someone who doesn’t know I’m a prostitute) asked how many men I’ve slept with I will give a socially acceptable answer: “Maybe 4 or 5?” I have also downplayed my sexual experience when I’ve dated ‘normal’ men by acting ‘innocent.’ People often manipulate the truth to avoid being castigated. Society tends to term people who don’t conform as ‘deviants,’ which has a negative connotation that such people are morally bad. Yet who dictates what is morally correct or not? I do believe in social norms, but the problem with Western Liberal social norms is that they often don’t reflect the entire population. That’s another debate in itself.

Humans are social beings, therefore we often avoid behaviour that leads to social rejection. Of course, we are fully aware that social rejection causes undesirable outcomes, such as depression and loneliness. Thankfully, there are outlets for alternative sexualities. However, the stigmas remain, and will continue to remain because such practices are a threat to dominant discourse. The point is, there is no universal script of sexuality and gender, despite society’s attempt to maintain one. Sexuality is fluid, not a fixed entity.

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Filed under Facts About the Sex Industry, Relationships, Sex

Tagged as Bisexual, Dominant Gender Discourse, Female Loving Authority, Femdom, feminine heterosexual men, gender and sexuality, Gender Narratives, Gender Norms, Gender Role Deviance, Gender Roles, Male-Dominance Narratives, Masculinity, Masculinization, pansexuality, Sexual Behavior, Sexual Identity, Sexual Orientation, sexual orientations, Social Implications of Gender and Sex

October 10, 2012 · 9:35 am

Your Questions, My Answers #4 – The Sex Industry and Human Sexuality

I loved checking my stats for this blog and seeing the numerous search engine terms. It gives an idea of what people think about prostitutes. One thing that pops up very often is the question: do prostitutes get pleasure? I answered that question in previous posts. But I should restate it: we have sex with clients for money, not out of pleasure (even though some of us enjoy some clients). The other common misconception is that many people assume a whore (a woman who loves sex) is synonymous with a prostitute (a woman who has sex for money). Ahh…it is interesting how we live in a world that’s obsessed with sex. Why is it such an issue? Well, human sexuality has become political (causing a moral panic). Why? It leads to reproduction. What is the most important thing to national leaders? To reproduce their society, so they can gain dominance in this competitive (poisoned), capitalistic world. Anyway, I won’t get in to that now….

Your Question: Should I get a female prostitute for my wife?

If its her idea, sure. Be sure to find a quality, experienced lady (usually private escorts). I’ve always fantasized to have a beautiful, wholesome woman to be my client. Or vice versa: I have the fantasy of being a patron for a beautiful, wholesome courtesan. But it’s not practical nor common having a beautiful woman seek an escort.

Once I saw a couple. It was the woman who wanted to live out this fantasy. It was a very great experience. The woman was not particularly my type, but regardless she was lovely. I cannot explain the intensity of touching and caressing a woman while a man is getting so turned on by the very sight. She made me cum, while her lover watched. It made me wonder if such openness between couples is a truly a good thing?

While some fantasies sound good in theory, are they good in reality? I used to tell my ex about my threesome fantasies. He loved when we talked about it, but he said that he would never do it. Why not? He said it wasn’t healthy for a relationship. His argument was this: if we do it once, then what if one of us has uncontrollable urges to do it again and again?

Your Question: As an Escort, How Much Should I Charge clients?

Basic economics 101: It’s the law of supply and demand, which varies from city to city. For instance, there is an abundance of ‘inexpensive’ women available in my locale. More women = lower prices. Less women = higher prices. Dave Chapelle made a hilarious joke related to this, “If Pussy was a stock, then we’ve flooded the market! Women are giving it away too easy.”

My price is in the higher-end range for my city, which also means I limit my clientele (since many men cannot afford my rate/rather restrictive rules). I adjust my rate depending on which city I am in. When I worked overseas the particular city was wealthier and therefore I could increase my price. There is a demand for ‘high-quality’, safe escorts for a more discerning clientele, but these type of women are a minority in the sex industry.

I must also note that not every girl can successfully charge high rates. Men have certain expectations with women who charge higher-than-average rates. For one, they expect professionalism (aka, a skilled escorted). Although part-time, I consider myself a very skilled courtesan. Over the years, I learned how to cater to the needs of a client and how to act like the companion that he desires. If a woman does not satisfy the expectations associated with her price, then she will not have repeat clients. She must be ‘worth it’, but again, one’s worth is also a perception.

Your Question: What do Girls do after Appointments?

We eat! I don’t know what it is about sex, but hunger and thirst follows afterwards. It’s a universal among escorts that we love eating (especially when we work in a brothel establishment together). We order food in abundance. Sometimes we make our clients wait so we can eat some chocolate or delicious delicacies. To be quite honest, I miss the ‘in between time’ when working at a brothel. The ‘in between time’ is when girls have a break in between seeing clients. We sit together, a group of girls (hopefully a good group — because escort are infamous for their cattiness), we order food, some smoke cigarettes, we tease and laugh about our clients, and we discuss the most vulgar subjects. Many times the night turned into an all-girl party; we all made money, celebrated and laughed until it hurts. As an independent, I don’t get to experience any of that ‘female bonding’ anymore (which is also a good thing….escorts can be terrible influences on each other).

The ‘good’ girls never last long at brothels…they eventually move on to something or somewhere else. There used to be a good group of escort girls that I knew when I worked overseas. These girls made going to work fun. They were educated girls with other goals. Eventually the group disintegrated and we went our separate ways. It was during these female ‘in-between’ bonding times that I got to observe a lot of behaviors/realities/circumstances for women who are in the sex industry. Yet for the short time we shared together, we gave each other support.

Your Question: How to “fuck prostitutes and not get caught by wife?”

This mentality makes me cringe sometimes. I understand social pressures and not wanting to break-up the family, but the sneakiness of infidelity is alarming. The only infidelity that I don’t really condemn is with men who’ve been married for a lengthy time, and their wives (due to old age, disability, no interest, etc) do not have sex anymore. But I do not feel sympathy for younger men, especially newly married men, who cheat on their wives just for the sake of ‘variety.’ If variety is what you desire, then opt for an open relationship or don’t get into a relationship with someone who expects monogamy. If only there was more openness in relations.

Once, I met a great client who was in an open relationship (his wife knew he was seeing me). They were a normal, loving couple with children. They were educated and realistic about their needs. They had a private, semi-open relationship, complete with set boundaries. Both were permitted to see other people within reason, but the main restriction was: no sex with others. And that man, as a client, was utmost respectful of his wife’s restrictions and remained disciplined. Their relationship made me more warm towards the idea of an open-relationship (something I haven’t tried …it’s always been one-sided, in my favor).

Sadly, many men do go to lengths to hide their sexual affairs. They get private mobile phones, they slip away for an hour or so, and even bring their own soap. One of my married clients brings his own body-wash, because he worries that my ‘girly-scented’ soaps will make his wife suspicious.

Your Question: Why would an Escort want to stop seeing a client?

Well, as mentioned, some men develop strong feelings for us (which can make us uncomfortable). It’s problematic when the love is one sided (he falls in love, and we just liked him as a client only). Love is an irreversible thing…I can’t just tell a man to ‘stop loving me’ and he will switch his emotions off. Sometimes these men can also interfere with our personal lives, which gets overbearing. When I was overseas, I had a devoted client who fell in love with me, and we became quite close. However, I only just saw him as a favorable regular client of mine. He became obsessive, and I had to end it. (I will talk about him in a future post). There are also issues of morality. In rare cases, it is the escort who truly likes a client, and thus she might feel uncomfortable to continue seeing him as a client (but in most cases, it’s usually the first scenario mentioned above).

It might be shocking to know that I, as a sex worker, have my own morals. Sometimes clients are too candid about their personal lives. They openly tell me they are married or attached, or they have children, or their life stories, etc. In my brothel days, one particular client told me too many personal details about his life, and as a result I rejected him. Why? He was a very sweet man, but his life circumstances conflicted with my morals. When I first met him, his wife (as he told me) was heavily pregnant with their second child. He said he was working two jobs to make a good life for his family. He claimed his wife being pregnant as an excuse for no intimacy between them. He also stated how he loved his wife dearly. Yet ironically, he was spending a large sum of money (for him) to spend time with me. I couldn’t justify it. He wasn’t financially well off, and the money he used to pay for me could be put to better use (he could use that much-needed money for his family). For this reason, I advised him to stop seeing me. I told him to go home to his pregnant wife, and give her comfort, do something special for her , but don’t spend hundreds of dollars (that you really cannot afford) for spending one hour admiring an escort. It amazes me how far men will go just to have sex and be with a woman!

Did he listen? No, of course not. Men love women who are ‘unavailable.’ According to him, I was special. I was the only girl he saw. For him, he felt I was ‘worth it.’ But I felt guilty taking money that could be used for someone (his wife and child) who needed it more. So, I told him, once again, to stop seeing me. That was the last time, and soon after I stopped working in that particular establishment. Apparently, he still calls the establishment looking for me

Your Question: How to Make Clients Spend Money on You?

The only thing I can say is be yourself. Don’t be greedy, be thankful. I am an honest escort. I have been in many situations where I could ‘exploit’ the situation of my clients for gain. I know how to do it, but it goes against my personal ethics. I am a woman who has a heart, and therefore I cannot hurt people intentionally. I see the merit in honesty.

But! Unfortunately, not all escorts (or women, people for that matter) have honest intentions! I’ve seen plenty of women (working and non-working) who can lie, use and manipulate good people for their own selfishness.

I am not perfect. I have made mistakes in the past and hurt decent people. But it hurt me also.

If you are an escort looking for cheap and easy ways to “scam” a man…you are reading the wrong blog. It is an unfortunate truth that many women in the industry are not honest, and do give the honest ones a bad reputation.

Your Question: Do Escorts ever Fall in Love with One Man?

Sure. We are human. Why do people assume that our needs/desires are any different than a non-escort? Some prefer one, some prefer multiple, maybe women….depends on the individual.

Personally, I really wonder if I could love just one man.

Your Question: Does Escort Work Ruin Her Sex Life? (Does Prostitution Ruin our Personal Sex Lives?)

It’s a logical question. One would think that having too much sex would be physically draining (especially because society assumes that women are hardly horny). I’m sure this is the case for some women, because too many women are still shy or unaware of their erotic capabilities. But personally, sex work intensified my desires. Sometimes, seeing clients is like a big tease (a build up), and makes me crave my personal lovers. In fact, I attribute that being with multiple clients taught me so many great things about intimacy. My experience with countless clients made me a better, more enthusiastic lover in my personal life. In this blog I focus on the implications of escorting, which are solely negative. But I have to say being a prostitute gave me access to some sexually-talented men, and contributed to me being in tuned with my body and thus have an amazing personal sex life. Something about being a courtesan makes me feel sexually assertive, and enhanced my natural dominance (Femdom). Perhaps this reason could explain why most clients are concerned with making sure I get pleasure.

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Filed under Bisexual, Facts About the Sex Industry, Questions for Escorts And Clients, Sex, The Escorting Business

Tagged as A Sex Obsessed Society, Escort for my Wife/Girlfriend, Escorts, human sexuality, Infidelity, Married men who see prostitutes, Monogamy, Open relationships, Price of Escorts, prostitution, Rejected by Escort, Sex Industry

July 8, 2012 · 2:15 am

Answering Your Questions #3: Client and Escort Dynamics

I’m on a minor path of self-destruction…but I’ll explain that later. For now, I’ve decided to answer some of the numerous questions or key-words that my viewer’s google to locate my blog. Yet before I begin, I want to share some metaphors from an old film about the life of high-class courtesan, “Pakeezah” (which translates to ‘pure heart’). In reference to herself, the courtesan says, “Prostitutes are dead bodies and the market is the graveyard…. I’m a dead body that’s lured by life again and again.” She then compared herself to a kite, a kite that is slowly cut away by the forces of wind…where only bits and fragments remain. The pain of her words….they touch me, intimately.

1. Do prostitutes like sex or money?

Money drives us to this job. As mentioned in previous posts, prostitutes should not be assumed to be a woman who loves sex. And if she does love sex, this does not imply that she loves sex with her clients. It is very rare for us to work for the purpose of sexual pleasure, yet the irony is we must ‘act’ like it’s natural to us. The lure of money is the appealing part of our work, not the sex. But it is very important to note that this was not a ‘choice’ for most sex workers, when considering the limited amounts of choice available to people in marginalized positions.

For many sex workers, sex is the dreadful part. Many just want to get it over with as quickly as possible. A small minority of girls can enjoy particular clients and feel pleasure (as a courtesan, I do enjoy certain regular clients of mine), yet again: the focus is money. I certainly have enjoyed some clients, but regardless I will not sleep/mingle with a man that I don’t love for free. The idea that prostitutes are these horny, hyper-sexual women hardly depicts the reality. Horny women exist regardless of profession.

2. What information should an escort obtain from her client?

Just like us, most clients want to be discreet. They might use fake names, because they are married and don’t want to risk their identity being known. Anonymity is central to the business for both escorts and clients. Asking too much personal information may defer clientele, while others are happily to disclose their life biographies. I screen my clients by judging their telephone/email etiquette — I ask them to briefly tell me about their age, nationality, what intentions they for me, etc.

3. Why don’t escorts like to tell their real name?

We fear of associating our identity with our profession. Why? This might impact our social mobility, social relationships (such as their family and friends finding out). Prostitution, whether legal or illegal, is still stigmatized. Society has harsh, negative consequences for women who are known to be prostitutes, so we are forced to remain secretive (otherwise we risk a lot of negative social sanctions).

4. How to Please a Prostitute/ How to have Good Sex with an Escort?

Well, in a bitter way, I could say: don’t annoy her. Many girls complain about clients who don’t follow our ‘rules’ (or limits), such as touching places without permission. Pleasure is a very subjective question. Giving pleasure to a ‘normal’ woman is very different than a woman who is paid for sex. A woman who gets paid for sex may not want to be ‘pleased’ by her client. Some girls strictly just want money from their client, and refuse to get sexual pleasure (and the good ones fake it). However, a small minority of us might be more accepting. The best clients are men who ask first and are respectful.

Once in a while, I encounter a client where I allow him to please me in ways that I forbid others. I permited him only because he gained my trust. I must mention that almost all clients try to give me pleasure, but they fail to do it correctly. Many men seem to think that one sexual technique can apply to all women. This is completely wrong. Any sexual experience is very unique and cannot be performed in a uniform act. Good sex depends on emotional and physical chemistry between the participants — which is rare among clients and escorts. It’s best to test areas, slowly (and with permission, of course), and then gradually proceed.

If I must advise a client on ‘how to have a better experience with an escort’ I would suggest the following techniques clients have done with me: start by giving her a relaxing massage. I recall clients who gave me a full body massage, without touching my erongenous regions right away. Not only will it relax a woman, but it can gain her trust of his touch. Let everything occur slowly, so that she can anticipated every progression of passion. The slow-pace seduction will drive her crazy, and thus (hopefully) have her wanting more. Some of my clients were totally selfless…not tending to their sexual needs, but instead focusing on making me feel relaxed (again, it’s important not to rush!). A good lover will explore what she likes, by gently trying to kiss various parts of her body. Let her guide you to what she likes. This worked with me with certain men, but again, it was all based on chemistry. Be mindful that desires of an individual can also change depending on their mood.

Chemistry is key, but also the mood of the hired lady is a deal-breaker. I do let sweet clients give me pleasure when I’m in the ‘mood,’ yet many times I loathe the idea. Sometimes I avoid seeing certain clients, because I know they want to spend the entire appointment in a ”Girlfriend Experience” state. This consists a romantic ‘boyfriend/girlfriend’ situation where the client wants to kiss, cuddle, give me pleasure, and have sex at the very end of the appointment. The men are very sweet, which seems ideal, but it can be exhausting acting like a ‘girlfriend’ to a man I don’t love/care about. Most of my regular clients are all pleasure giving men, which means I try to avoid seeing them when my mood is bad. It’s even more difficult to see clients when I’m in love with someone else. When I am single, I find it much easier to work and enjoy clients.

5. How to Make Clients/Men Love You (As an Escort)?

There are no uniform steps to make a client love you — it just happens naturally. From my observations, investing in ‘fake’ behavior doesn’t reap benefits, nor does it attract wholesome people. Be yourself. Love is something we cannot plan or predict. It just happens. I’ve tried experiments of altering my behavior with clients (from acting overly slutty to acting innocent). I found that being as I am works best. I’ve tried to analyze the men who love me: why do they love me? They love me because I was ‘real’ with them. The trend I noticed is men who loved me are ones I didn’t care to impress. I acted indifferent with them upon initial meetings….and genuinely had little interest in being with them. Maybe my independence is appealing for some men, …they find it challenging that I, seemingly, don’t need them.

I could advise women to be manicured, polished and glamourous to make clients love them, but I’ve seen very unpolished girls with plenty of admirers. I no longer believe that investing heavily into cosmetic/external beauty will equate to admirers (sure, exterior beauty might attract men, but that alone wont make them kneel at your feet).

6. What is the Difference between an Escort and High-class Escort?

There is no real difference. The only difference is the marketing and approaching various scales of clientele. One girl can be playing two roles: a regular escort, which means more clients, lower price; Or a high-class ‘exclusive’ escort, which means higher priced and limited clientele. Yet at the end of the day, a regular and exclusive escort are the same thing. There is no difference in terms of beauty or services as one may think. I’ve seen stunning women who work for two different agencies….one that’s exclusive and very expensive, and another that’s medium price range with more clientele.

7. Do ‘hookers’ love having sex on drugs ?

I found this question quite strange. That’s a terribly wrong analysis. Firstly, women who work while on drugs usually hate sex more than other sex workers. They are taking drugs to cope with the fact they hate servicing men. Even high-class escorts will resort to ‘numbing’ with subsistence’s in order to make money and ignore their hatred of servicing men.

8. What’s it like to be an escort?

(Please check my blog later, as I am writing a post on my personal ‘lifestyle’ as an escort).

9. What are Reasons (for men) visiting prostitutes?

A lot of my married clients have a similar reasoning for seeing me: they say they love their wives, but their wives no longer have sex. Or men claim they like variety. In comparison, Kings in ancient Mesopotamia were monogamous in marriage, but had several concubines. Has anything really changed? Due to social expectations, many men marry one woman as a foundation for family, but does it mean they limit the number of ‘unofficial’ women for their sexual purposes? Some men openly say they desire ‘variety’ for sex, while others contend that it’s the fault of the wife. This is something I hear time and time again: Wives stop having sex, and assume that their husband should not have sex either.

There are also other married men who get lots of sex from their wives (even good sex), but they like something ‘different.’ Perhaps they need to prove to themselves that they still have the power to be appealing? Perhaps their egos need a little inflating? Many academics argue that the Western construction of ‘Masculinity’ influences men to prove their so-called ‘manhood’ by sleeping with multiple women (as if women are to be conquered). It’s not so much out of their personal desire solely, but rather societal norms for ‘being a man’ indoctrinates some men to prove themselves as ‘manly.’ So, just in case you’re one of those women who tell men to ‘act like a man’…you are influencing the discourse of men to behave in a ‘Masculine’ construct, thus aiding the gender binary construct. Constructions of identity are very powerful, as they create a so-called ideal. The current constructions of masculinity and femininity in a Western context are very harming, as they serve an elite status quo rather than a collectivist effort.

In some historical contexts, men resorted to ‘comfort women’ in scenarios where ‘proper’ women did not exist, such as situations of war and colonization (which still occurs today).

Some Single/bachelor clients have told me that sex with an escort is better and easier than trying to find it ‘for free’ at nightclubs. It’s easy for a man to pay a woman for sex rather than the effort of convincing a ‘normal woman’ to have sex with no-strings-attached.

As for another calibre of clients: some single clients are truly lonely, and have little interaction with women. They do not seek a prostitute for sex necessarily, but rather they desire intimate companionship with a woman. These are the type of men who need to be hugged, and cuddled, and in these instances I like to think of myself as a healer. Yet in reality I am not helping their situation, because they are seeking love while I am seeking money. I feel compelled to tell these lost souls that they are looking for love in the wrong places.

10. What are Some Tips to Stay Positive while being an Escort?

My only suggestion is to work as LESS as possible. Do not work everyday! Try to work once a week, or even less. The industry is very exhausting (emotionally), especially if that is your sole profession. I, myself, work only once a week, or sometimes even less (sometimes I don’t work for months.) Yet even working minimally I am still affected by the negatively. For years I tried to make the job easier for myself. I told myself I wouldn’t let the work affect my emotions, or touch my soul. But it’s not easy all the time. I work less, so I can stabilize my emotions and do happy things, such as being with people I love. One can simply not block out emotions without using something, usually intoxicates, to distract them from reality. Nobody, regardless of their profession, can constantly remain happy….life is about happiness and sadness. We must experience these emotions, so we can (hopefully) reflect on our lives.

11. Do prostitutes remember their strangest clients ?

Yes! How can I forget the men who licked my underarms; or the man who booked me for 8 hours just to kiss my feet, hands, and bottom for the entire 8 hours without any sex; ….or the guy who used to pay to massage me the entire appointment and never even take off his clothes. Those memories still make me think, “..but why?” When a group of escorts come together we do discuss the ‘strange’ and ‘weird’ clients — which can often be quite funny. A lot of girls like to laugh about the ‘fetish’ clients they had, such as, “The foot guy,” “The bottom licker,” etc. For the most part, I don’t mind men with strange fetishes, and I try to understand their unconventional fixations. Personally, I’m quite fascinated by fetishes and have an urge to analyze men with these behaviors. After all, being too ‘vanilla’ gets quite boring.

12. How Much Money Do Escorts Make?

It really depends on the girl. Essentially, when one has the ability to manipulate and numb/ignore emotions the amount of money is limitless. Unfortunately, as humans it’s very difficult to ignore our emotions all the time. The two factors that lead to money are: charm (in the form of personality, beauty, and skills) and secondly, emotional sensitivity. I consider myself quite charming in the sense I am skilled, beautiful and have a dynamic personality, yet I am very emotionally sensitive. Therefore, I don’t work often because I find too many clients stressful and overwhelming. I have never worked full-time as an escort, because I can’t handle it. I am motivated to make money for saving, paying bills, and doing some shopping, but I do not seek more. In the past, I made more money when my needs were greater, but I also spent it lavishly since my lifestyle was different than it is today. If I wanted, I could work harder and see more clients, but a full-time lifestyle as an escort seems like suicide to me.

13. What if a Prostitute sees a Client in Public (outside her work) ?

This has happened to me numerous times. I used to have a huge social phobia about running into clients outside of work. I feared, because clients may approach me, or call me by my alias. And my fears were confirmed when prior clients of mine have approached me in public! I even saw a client while I was shopping with my Mother…it was extremely nerve-racking. I don’t want my clients to know the ‘real’ me that exists in day-to-day life. I just want to remain their fantasy, and nothing else. I had another client shopping with his wife and kids. He saw me looking totally different, wearing no makeup. He came back to see me, and said he was so excited to see me while he was with his wife. This is another reasons why I don’t want to meet too many new clients — I don’t want to be known. Clients represent a separate, negative world that I don’t want to mix with my personal life.

14. Is it Unhealthy to Sleep with an Escort? Is it safe to have sex with a Prostitute?

All escorts use PROTECTION. Some girls will do more than others when seduced by money, but for sex we all use condoms. Only an insane/desperate woman would have sex without a condom; and equally only an insane man would sleep with an escort without a condom. It’s absolutely unheard of high-class escorts having unprotected sex with their clients. Many of us are extremely health conscious. However, risks of STI’s can be contracted from non-penetrative acts as well.

The women who take more risks are doing it to meet the demands of clients — because for many clients oral-sex with condoms and no kissing is quite boring. Sadly, some escorts perform the highly sought ‘bare-back blow-job’ (fellatio without a condom) to get more clients. What these women don’t realize is that they are getting short term gain (money) for long-term risk (diseases). As for the bulk of escorts, we take minimal risks: we use a condom for sex and oral sex. Therefore, it is no more/less unhealthy to sleep with an escort if she uses protection during all sex acts.

Given there is minimal skin-to-skin contact, sleeping with a high-class escort can be a bit “unfulfilling” from a client’s perspective. I use the word “unfulfilling” because sex with a prostitute is often phyisical without true intimacy. Amazing sex is based on mind and body stimulation. Thus, sex between a client/prostitute lacks the essential stimulation of the mind. After all, how exhilarating and delicious can sex be without deep kissing, touching, sucking, and tasting ? Those ‘delicious’ acts are risky with clients, yet many clients demand this. They want the closest to ‘real’ sex as possible. They want their escort to act like their girlfriend: they want to eat her pussy, kiss her lips, and feel her mouth over his manhood. There is tremendous pressure for escorts to go beyond safe limits to make her clients happy. Many clients prefer cheaper women, because it is assumed that cheaper women do ‘more’ for ‘less’ (thus, the risk is increased). Yet there are also very high priced escorts who ‘do it all’ to a more limited clientele. This places tremendous pressure on women in the industry: how can a woman maintain her ‘dignity’ and be successful?

15: Do prostitutes have rules / restrictions?

Yes, clients play by our rules, not theirs. Yet there is an irony to that statement. Most escorts promote themselves as women who “Cater to the Clients Needs,” but in reality we set the boundaries and limits. Every girl is unique to what she offers in terms of her services. We all offer sex, but we do it in different ways. For instance, limits/restrictions might include: no kissing or light kissing only, clients can release multiple times or maybe only once, no oral sex without a condom, no receiving of oral sex, no touching between her legs, etc. My restrictions are that everything is ‘covered,’ which means I take no risks. I do not kiss clients, but I must admit that I’ve given up many limitations with the occasional handsome, delicious client. For instance, when I met the Sheik, as a client, we ended up kissing passionately — of course, our chemistry was rare and intense.

As mention, a majority of clients demand riskier services (oral sex without protection, ‘greek,’ etc), so unfortunately a lot of escorts will jeopardize their health to make more money. I feel disgusted when a prospective client, who’s never met me yet, will ask if perform ‘natural French’ which is a oral sex without a condom. How can he take such a risk with a woman whose history is unknown? Likewise, most clients request to service me between my legs with their mouths, which seems flattering, but I can’t help but wonder: don’t clients think of how many other men have touched my body? How can he be sure that I am ‘clean?’ What I realized is that many men get aroused by the idea of a ‘dirty’ woman. By no means am I ‘dirty,’ but I have slept with countless men….and that fact alone is a fantasy for some men.

Sex workers might advertise ‘passionate’ services or ‘porn-star’ services to attract a more clientele, but the reality is we cannot perform uniform techniques with every single client we encounter. Human sexuality is not uniform, and attempting uniformity is a bad way at approaching others. Sure, we have restrictions, but they are deeply influenced by the chemistry we develop with clients. To expect a sex worker to give a stellar performance with every client is a very unrealistic, dehumanizing expectation.

Finally, a rare breed of clients have their own terms in addition to hers. For instance, a rare category of clients do not seek sexual intercourse with escorts — instead they may just seek oral or hand release, or perhaps they just want to play with themselves in the company of a beautiful woman. There may be norms and patterns in sexual behaviour, but every experience is still unique.

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Tagged as Being an Escort, Concubines, Courtesans, do prostitutes enjoy sex?, Do prostitutes feel pleasure, do prostitutes have orgasm, do prostitutes have rules, Escorting, Escorts and Relationships with Clients, High-class prostitution, how do prostitutes please men, How much money do escorts make?, Infidelity, Is it Safe to have sex with a prostitute?, prostitution, Reasons for visiting prostitutes, Sex workers, Why do women become prostitutes?

June 15, 2012 · 1:57 am

Prostitute and Whore — 2 Terms, 2 Different Meanings

I have a problem with the terms associated with a prostitute: Bitch and whore. Sure, some prostitutes possess those qualities, but so can any woman. Essentially, a prostitute and whore are two different things, but are often confused as the same thing, with the same meaning.

In a global modern context, a woman who sleeps around with men is known in derogatory terms as a ‘bitch’ or ‘whore.’ A whore can be further subdivided into various interpretations and meanings. It can apply to a woman who manipulates men into giving her money – perhaps also termed a ‘gold digger.’ It can imply that a woman is hyper-sexual, and enjoys sex. It can also imply a woman who lies and cheats her lovers/friends by scamming them. The term ‘bitch’ can also be applied to women with such traits. Somehow, these terms are also attributed to a prostitute. But there is a BIG difference between a whore and a prostitute. Although some prostitutes act like whores, one should not mistake all women who sell their bodies for being hyper-sexual, promiscuous, manipulative or scandalous.

It’s not obvious: Most prostitutes have sex for money – not pleasure or fun. Many of us are not gold-diggers, nor do we manipulate men into taking their money. If a prostitute was to engage in sex for fun and manipulate men into giving her money (like a sugar daddie) then she placed herself in another category: a whore. There are prostitutes who act like ‘bitches’ and ‘whores’ despite selling themselves for money. They may act as gold-diggers on the side, and try to pretend to love older rich men for their money, but those traits are not applied to a real prostitute in essence.

Aside from having sex for money, am I also a whore? For free, no. With clients, sometimes. However, I am only a whore in the context that I enjoy sex often, but only with the men I love (and occasionally in fantasies). A whore, in terms of enjoying sex, is something I don’t condemn, so long its safe and doesn’t hurt others. But the notion of manipulation and deceiving others are acts I don’t accept. I do not manipulate or deceive my lovers in the other associations with ‘whore.’ Indeed there are many prostitutes, like myself, who do not have sex with men for ‘fun and flings.’ My clients who give me money are fully aware, just as I am, that it’s an exchange only. And the men I do love…? They are aware of my intentions: I do not use them.

In my view, despite the view of society, a prostitute is much more dignified than a gold digger. A gold digger searches around for rich wealthy men, promising them love and affection, hoping to get hands on their wealth in an indirect manner. However, one must not judge even a gold digger — a lot of these girls start this type of lifestyle from a history of neglect.

A prostitute, on the other hand, is direct, straight-forward: I will give you my body in exchange for money.

I have never pretended to love any man for his money, and I never will. As mentioned, I often stop seeing clients when they fall in love with me, because it makes me uncomfortable taking their money when they love me and I don’t love them at all. One incident overseas made me more strict about my ‘strictly business’ relationship with clients, but I will save that experience for another post. Finally, it may seem that my lovers serves as my ‘sugar-daddies’, but thats not the case at all. My lovers do spoil me, but it’s reciprocal as I enjoy their company and enjoy them as a people. Reciprocity is very important for loving, meaningful relationships.

A woman once advised me, regarding my relationship with my client/lover: “Use him for his money. He’s going to leave you, so take all his money. Don’t be stupid…try to take money from him at every chance!” I disregarded her advice, because I feel grateful and content for his generosity already. I don’t seek to exploit him. This is the critical difference between that woman’s mentality and mine: I will not lower my dignity to exploit someone I love, or anyone for the record. I am comfortable with the amount he gives me, and if I seek more…..I know he will give it to me. However, I would not beg or manipulate him to get it. My pride is held in my self-reliance.

The problem with assuming that these terms are the same is when we judge others. Not all women who love sex are prostitutes. Not all prostitutes are promiscuous. And not all scandalous, manipulative women are prostitutes. And most importantly, a woman who loves sex is not necessarily a bad person. Ideas of sexuality that exist in Modern times were socially constructed, and a lot of the ‘prudish’ ideas stem from Victorian Era repressive morality.

Although not my usual type of music, the rap song, “You Wonder Why They Call you Bitch,” by Tupac gives an excellent, although heavily slanged, description of a promiscuous woman, with no self-respect, who sells and ends up destroying herself with her scandalous behaviour.

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Tagged as definition of prostitute, definition of whore, difference between a whore and prostitute, difference between gold-digger and prostitute, exploiting clients, exploiting men, sugar daddies and gold-diggers, What does whore mean?, Why do are women called whores?, women who seek sugar daddies

May 22, 2012 · 5:13 pm

Social Stigma makes Prostitutes Vulnerable – Dangerous Encounters

Recently I had my first bad experience with a client. In my half-dozen years in the industry, I have never (thankfully) had a bad or scary experience until now. Again , my ego made me feel I was beyond ‘bad’ clients. My recent experience was with a client I trusted….one who admired me, whom I felt worshiped me. But a sex worker must never be naive and too trusting.

A few weeks ago, I feared for my safety. I was in a situation where I felt extremely uncomfortable, and I had lost control of the situation. I was with a regular client of mine, who previously was tolerable and pleasant. However, this time, he was extremely intoxicated — in other words, sloppy drunk. I had only brought two condoms, which he pulled off. Without condoms, I told him politely that we can’t have sex, but he insisted we have sex. He sensed my fear, and he must have sensed that I was ready to leave the hotel. He had traveled far from out of the country to see me specifically, so I understand why he felt upset that I was leaving. However, his actions were not acceptable. When I got up to leave the bed, he grabbed me aggressively. I stood up, and he followed. He tried to pull my body close to his body, so he could penetrate me. Thankfully, he didn’t, but I knew he wasn’t going to let me leave without getting what he wanted. I grabbed my purse and ran to toilet and locked the door. I desperately wanted to leave the hotel room, but I feared to open the door. I feared he would easily grab me, and rape me. The alcohol had totally changed his behaviour, and he was no longer the funny client I had once known. He was not directly rude to me, but the problem was the alcohol had made him lose any sense of respect. While locked inside, I called the hotel reception and asked them to come to the suite. By this time, I was panicking, crying and shaking. The hotel reception came, and I ran out of the room crying. Although nothing severe happened, the fear alone made me break down. I am a strong woman, but physically I am defenceless to man.

This experience reminded me of other bad stories I’ve heard from other escorts. Escorts, regardless of their status on the prostitution hierarchy, are sometimes placed in risky situations with their clients. I remember working at a high-class establishment overseas where there was this manipulative client. He preyed on innocent-looking girls. I was one of them, but luckily my ‘innocent’ look is a farce. He was well-dressed, polite and pleasant initially, but during the booking he tried to pull off the condom before sex. To me, he said it was an accident. Luckily, I caught him before he had the chance to violate me. Unfortunately, other escort girls I knew were not so lucky. One girl saw him on her first day in the industry. He pulled off the condom without her knowledge, and ejaculated inside of her. To add to the wound, he pretended it was an accident and blamed her. After a while, the girls all told their experiences to each other, and we realized this man was intentionally trying to take off the condom. Not only that, the type of girls he chose were all very similar: clean, educated, innocent and ‘good’ girl types. This type of man is a predator, yet none of us girls did anything. We told the owners of the establishment, and they supposedly banned him. But what does banning him do? He can easily go to another establishment or call any agency, and continue violating women. Why didn’t we call the police and have him arrested?

The worst part is that prostitutes are not only physically defenceless, but we are also legally helpless when it comes to getting justice. The end result is the same: Prostitutes do not get justice when they are violated by clients. We do not call the police or report the negative incidents. Why? We fear of associating our legal name with the sex industry. I don’t want any association of my name to prostitution, because my family can find out, I will be stigmatized, etc. Legally, prostitutes do have rights and can get justice in Western countries. But the problem is, the social stigma prevents us from doing so. It would be ideal if we could report incidences without revealing our identity, but we cannot. If something happens to me, will I go to the police? In a severe case, yes, but doing so means I have to ‘out’ myself. Being ‘Out’ in sex-worker slang means to publicly label oneself as a sex worker. For many escorts, it is our biggest fear if others find out that we sell our bodies. Personally, I worry only because society stigmatize sex workers. For instance, if I ever wanted to apply for a government job in the future,….my chances are effected if my name is associated with illegal work as a prostitute.

The stigmas we face as sex workers adds to our stress.

We are living multiple lives and multiple identities. An escorts life is full of lies, not by choice but by circumstance. These web of lies get exhausting and sometimes I’d rather just retreat from the world than make up stories to explain where the money came from. I don’t want to lie to my family, my lovers or my friends, but do I really have an alternative? Again, I have the agency to make choices in my life……but these choices are deeply influenced by the circumstances that follow.

So what’s the solution? Maybe I will have to ‘out’ myself one day if that means protecting myself and others? Experiences like these make me and other sex workers hardened. Many escorts I met are very bitter towards their clients, because they fear to trust anyone. I don’t blame them, especially since they were violated by clients they initially trusted. Of course, not all clients are this way at all, but how do we decide who’s good and who’s not? There are good and bad in all people. Now, my guard is up, but I am not jaded. Thankfully, I can resort the safe arms of my Sheik, my protector.

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Filed under "High-class" prostitution, Facts About the Sex Industry, The Escorting Business

Tagged as Dangerous Clients, Is Escorting Dangerous?, Justice for Sex Workers, Risks prostitution

February 13, 2012 · 9:49 pm

Answering Your Questions #2: Why do women become prostitutes? Do Saudi men see Prostitutes?

One thing I want to note before I answer questions is that my view is biased. Never assume my opinion, or anyone’s opinion, is the absolute fact. I am a student, so I write articles often where my opinion has no credibility unless proven by empirical, extensive evidence. Opinions are just opinions, and they are often one’s personal judgement that is influenced by their experiences and values. I suggest that people always remain skeptical, because my experience is very subjective.

Your Question: Why do women become escorts? Or, what factors make women become prostitutes?

Answer: From my observations, women who become prostitutes were placed in a situation where they needed money, and perhaps fast money. So consequently, most escorts originate from low-socioeconomic backgrounds. However, a new minority of high-class prostitutes are coming from stable-income families. They sell themselves not because they are desperate for cash, but rather they want to be part of the upper-crest of society. The money they make from selling their bodies allows these materialistic prostitutes to buy the lifestyle associated with the high-class. Again, the values promoted by Western culture disgust me, because they poisoned me too.

Many women I have encountered in the sex industry have been neglected in some form. When I meet with another prostitute I like to ask about her origins. I have encountered women who seemed normal, but later I found out that they were sexually abused. Sexual abuse leads to mistrust, and many escorts have a deep mistrust in men. It is ironic that these women, despite their mistrust in men, end up selling themselves to men. Often, they come from a broken home, and were forced to take care of themselves from a young age. The foundation of family was absent for them, which left them alone to discovered how to survive. Society can be quite cruel to lost souls, or those without any familial support. Often lost souls are exploited by others. For instance, young boys without any direction are susceptible to gang involvement, and young women without direction are vulnerable to prostitution and sexual exploitation. Although I was never abused, I feel I was a lost soul too. I had a poor sense of direction, so I fell easily into things that came my way. Thankfully, I had enough sense to correlate that selling myself is harming me despite raising my standard of living.

As mentioned in my blog, I came from a middle-class family. It would seem that I had no valid reason to become a prostitute. However, my family separated in my teens, and as a result my Mother, siblings and I became poor. Of course, we always had enough to eat and by no means were we living in poverty — but we were close. Because I had previously lived in relative luxury being poor was not an easy transition. I noticed that all my peers and friends were pampered while I had nothing. My Mother tried her best to keep us happy by sacrificing her own happiness. I admire her for doing that.

Then the idea of prostitution was introduced to me. I tried it once, and my first client was very sweet, respectable, and generous. What boggled my mind is this stranger, my first client, was a more pleasant experience than my previous sexual experience (losing my virginity). But best of all, I had made a lot of money from that one hour encounter. That money boosted my self-esteem, and I was able to buy things that I needed. In theory, everything seemed good…but again, years later I now realize the damage I did.

Firstly, what conditioned me to believe that my self-worth could be improved with money? The answer is Western society. This society values money, power and social status/prestige. When I was younger I was not aware of the pressures that made me value money. I was so blinded, because I thought money would solve my problems, but actually it made me more individualistic, materialistic, and emotionally empty. Chasing money made me distance myself from family too. I chased money because it enhanced my social status, but at the same time I neglected love and relationships with good people. People who don’t have money in Western societies are at a huge disadvantage, because this society does not CARE for those with less. Why is it people who are poor in developing countries are happier than the poor in the West? The poor in developing countries have family and community, and their kinship societies protect individuals. I had no protection, because in this individualist West I had to fend for myself.

Your Question: Do Saudi men go to Prostitutes?

Yes, some Saudi men visit prostitutes. But so do some men from all cultural backgrounds. However, my observations assert that certain cultures frequent with prostitutes more than others, but this depends on the society and circumstances of its individuals. Men do not visit prostitutes for the same reasons, so it’s hard to lump all clients into one category (there are common occurrences, yet also many exceptions). Not all patrons of prostitutes are looking for a “quickie”, and equally not all clients are looking for companionship and affection. Thus, men have various and complex reasons for visiting prostitutes.

I could make generalizations, but, again, my clients see me for their unique reasons and may see other women for other reasons. For instance, a client may visit me because I relate to him on an intellectual basis, but he also visits another escort who satisfies his raw desire for sex only. Vice versa; Another client may see me for solely sexual pleasure, while he has another woman, older, who satisfies his need for a mature woman.

My clients come from an array of backgrounds and cultures. White (European, American, Australian, Russian), East Asian (Chinese, Japanese, Korean), South Asian (Indian, Pakistani), West Asian (Arab , Iranian), South American, etc. However, I have never seen a notably amount of African patrons of prostitutes in general. In fact the only Black clients I have had, which are few, have been Saudis of Black origin. It’s quite interesting how certain cultures are not frequent patrons of prostitutes, so it would interesting to study the obvious question: why? Of course, clientele is also oriented towards the demographics of a given city. In my vicinity, White men seem to be the main patrons, followed by East Asians, Indians, and Arabs.

Saudi students are not continuous patrons of prostitutes. My theory is that Saudi students will try the services of a sex worker when they first arrive in their country of studies. This is because they have been deprived of expressing their sexuality. At first, visiting a prostitute will seem appealing. Initially, the prostitute is an outlet for their deprived sexual desires, and a prostitute is more accessible and convenient than trying to find sex elsewhere (nightclubs, bars, etc). However, over time, most Saudi students will not find casual sex appealing or forfiling. Instead, they will yearn for a girlfriend-like relationship where they can receive affection and care from a woman, rather than a business-transaction from a prostitute. Thus, my theory is most Saudi students will seize to visit prostitutes, unless they are extremely lonely and not able to connect with women in normal settings. Most Saudi students don’t like the idea of seeing prostitutes (as they want something more meaningful), but sometimes when its the only option for affection it becomes hard to resist. A Saudi student would choose a meaningful relationship with a woman over a night of pleasurable sex without meaning (unless of course, they , in my case, develop a relationship with a prostitute).

In my case, I have become the caregiver to some Saudi students. They resort to me when they are in need of affection, and sometimes chemistry arises. Often, as I’ve said before, sex is not the prime objective of these Saudi patrons. One client invited me to his home so he could prepare me a feast of Saudi dishes, kabsa. He was extremely respectful and didn’t try to ravage me, but rather was happy to have me as company. And my Sheik, technically still my client, evolved to be my partner and lover. He found affection in me, and grew attached to me despite my taboo profession. Like others, he said he see’s me not for my profession, but for who I am. While this sounds romantic …again, it’s a temporary romance with the Saudis.

My theory for Saudi students also applies to Kuwaiti and Emirati international students, because they share a similar experience and have been prior patrons of mine too. This theory does not apply to older Saudi men, because they are usually married, and thus their reasonings for visiting prostitutes are different than the students. I have less experience with older (over 35) Saudi men because they are a rarity in my city. The few older Saudi clients I did have were visiting, and were also married. I suppose working in Bahrain or the Gulf would give me a totally new experience of Saudi patrons, as I assume they will be mostly older men.

An interesting article was written, called “Arab’s Got Prostitution,” which discusses the wide-spread use of prostitutes among Khaleeji men. The article has valid points, however I don’t feel it is fair to demonize all Khaleeji clients of prostitutes. Like all clients, there are ones with good and bad intentions, as well clients have numerous reasons for resorting to sex workers.

It is important to note that the prostitution phenomenon the Middle East is the outcome of many factors: Modernization, Neo-Liberalism, Imperialism, Globalization, War, etc.

Many social and cultural factors have lead Saudi men being popular patrons of prostitutes. For instance, Saudi men are now marrying much later compared to the past, due to spending their early 20′s getting an education, trying to find a good job. Dowry is also a deterrent for early marriage. Furthermore, Saudi cultural norms forbid dating and interacting with non-related women. It is unrealistic to expect young Saudi men to just refrain from sexual activities. The outcome of numerous factors certainly correlates to bisexual and homosexual practices in both Saudi men and women, and also to men resorting to prostitutes in neighbouring Bahrain or other countries. What is tragic is when these men show no sense of responsibility to these women, conditioning men to think it’s okay to ‘use a woman’ with no emotional attachment. Again, not all clients have this ‘neglecting’ intention, but sadly many do. Such neglecting behavior negates the essence of Islam, which Islam emphasizes social justice for people.

Your Question: Why do some men prefer prostitutes for sex?

This is a subjective question. But there is something I think about often: many prostitutes are assertive women. They have their own money and they are independent. Many do NOT cling to men, because men are multiple for a prostitute. It is not a big deal if a prostitute is unsatisfied with one man, because there are plenty of men who can replace him. Some prostitutes develop confidence over time in her sexuality because of her experience.

“Normal” women (women who don’t sell their bodies) make is this assumption: pleasing the man will win his heart (it wont!). I have not read that popular book, “Why Men Love Bitches” yet, but the title alone is enough to support my argument. Men need challenge, men need mystery….and men need a woman to be assertive! A woman can still be sexually submissive and be assertive too; this does not mean she has to be dominant in sex per say. Also, the importance of personality is so crucial, and a lot of women forget about their own needs and desires. Investing all your time in your appearance might attract men, but it won’t keep them. A woman who thinks she can please a man by giving him, for example, oral sex everyday isn’t very challenging either. What about a woman’s pleasure? Why are most ‘normal’ women not assertive about their own sexual needs? Perhaps because ‘normal’ women are still timid about sex. This is what differs between prostitutes and ‘normal’ women; prostitutes are comfortable with their sexual desires. For instance, I am quite demanding in my personal sex life. I am not dominant in sex, but surely I cannot be with a man who doesn’t know how to give me amazing orgasms. If he can’t please me, he better learn or he will lose me. I only gained this confidence from my experience in the sex industry. I’d much rather be alone than be with a man who treats me less then what I expect. Without these experiences, I probably would be too timid to demand sexual pleasure.

In a vain sense, I feel the men in my life serve me. Sure, I am a ‘service provider,’ but essentially men feel a bit intimidated by me. They know I am sexually experienced, so they know that pleasing me is not an easy task. I pose a challenge to my lovers. The irony is I can be quite insecure. But with men, initially, I would never dare to expose my insecurities.

Your Question: Do Prostitutes Enjoy Sex with Clients?

This really depends on the individual (the sex worker). Some women can get aroused by certain clients, and other women are absolutely repulsed by clients trying to give them pleasure. One woman I met, who told me she was molested as a child, hated sex with clients, and so her service was very ‘restricted.’ She said she could never kiss a client, or allow a client to kiss her body, because the idea sickened her. Clients will argue that this type of woman should NOT be a prostitute, but that’s too simple to say. This woman shouldn’t be selling herself, but again many of these women do not have a choice. They are facing some sort of addiction, and selling themselves is the only method that works for them. I feel deeply sorry for these women, because they despise selling themselves, and yet society has made no alternatives for them.

Personally, I have ‘enjoyed’ some men as clients, but it is not enjoying the sex part with them. I say ‘enjoyed’ because sex with a client cannot compare to having sex with someone I love. I can even orgasm with clients who push the right buttons, but there is no emotion for me. I have zero feelings for clients. What I enjoy is a client who is easy going and not demanding. Essentially, a client is enjoyable when I feel totally relaxed. In any event I cannot show a client my displeasure; I, a prostitute, must act as if pleasure was in my nature.

However, when I am working and not in a relationship (single) I find I ‘enjoy’ clients more. They are my only source for sex when I am single, because I avoid casual sex. But when I am in love with someone the idea of a client devouring my body is harder for me to digest (but again, I do not show it). It’s really confusing: I can still have an orgasm, yet feel nothing for my client. For instance, I had a client not too long ago who was an absolute gentleman. He was generous, extremely respectful, and he actually made me orgasm twice. Did I enjoy it? Well, not really. He had amazing sexual skills and was warm and intellectual, but of course I am not in love with him at all. I cannot genuinely enjoy a mans touch unless I love him.

Now, if a sex worker started to develop feelings for her client, then of course she will enjoy his touch. After all, my ex-fiance was my client. Instantly we had chemistry upon meeting, so I did enjoy his touch.

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Filed under "High-class" prostitution, Facts About the Sex Industry, Questions for Escorts And Clients, Saudi Guys (students) in General, The Escorting Business, Trying to leave prostitution, Types of Clients, Types of Prostitutes

Tagged as Do escorts enjoy sex with their clients?, Do prostitutes enjoy sex with clients?, life of prostitutes, Prostitution in Bahrain, Prostitution in the Middle East, Saudi, Saudi Men Sex Tourists, Why do some men prefer prostitutes for sex?, Why do women become prostitutes?

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Category Archives: Facts About the Sex Industry

Abolish Prostitution? Regulate it?

1. What is an Exotic Escort?

2. Is it harder for an escort who has sex with multiple partners daily to orgasm?

3. What do escorts think about older clients?

4. Do Escorts Give Discounts (Cheaper) for Good Looking Men? Do Escorts Prefer Good Looking Men?

5. What to do when a Regular Client Starts Seeing Another Girl?

6. Do Escorts Like Clients who are ‘Big,’ ‘Well-Endowed?’

7. Is it a Bad to Have an Escort Girl for a Girlfriend?

8. Do Escorts Enjoy Having Sex?

9. Being an Escort: How to Keep a Normal Life Going with This Double Life I’m Living?

Your Question: Should I get a female prostitute for my wife?

Your Question: As an Escort, How Much Should I Charge clients?

Your Question: What do Girls do after Appointments?

Your Question: How to “fuck prostitutes and not get caught by wife?”

Your Question: Why would an Escort want to stop seeing a client?

Your Question: How to Make Clients Spend Money on You?

Your Question: Do Escorts ever Fall in Love with One Man?

Your Question: Does Escort Work Ruin Her Sex Life? (Does Prostitution Ruin our Personal Sex Lives?)

1. Do prostitutes like sex or money?

2. What information should an escort obtain from her client?

3. Why don’t escorts like to tell their real name?

4. How to Please a Prostitute/ How to have Good Sex with an Escort?

5. How to Make Clients/Men Love You (As an Escort)?

6. What is the Difference between an Escort and High-class Escort?

7. Do ‘hookers’ love having sex on drugs ?

8. What’s it like to be an escort?

9. What are Reasons (for men) visiting prostitutes?

10. What are Some Tips to Stay Positive while being an Escort?

11. Do prostitutes remember their strangest clients ?

12. How Much Money Do Escorts Make?

13. What if a Prostitute sees a Client in Public (outside her work) ?

14. Is it Unhealthy to Sleep with an Escort? Is it safe to have sex with a Prostitute?

15: Do prostitutes have rules / restrictions?

Your Question: Why do women become escorts? Or, what factors make women become prostitutes?

Your Question: Do Saudi men go to Prostitutes?

It is important to note that the prostitution phenomenon the Middle East is the outcome of many factors: Modernization, Neo-Liberalism, Imperialism, Globalization, War, etc.

Your Question: Why do some men prefer prostitutes for sex?

Your Question: Do Prostitutes Enjoy Sex with Clients?

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