I have a problem with the terms associated with a prostitute: Bitch and whore. Sure, some prostitutes possess those qualities, but so can any woman. Essentially, a prostitute and whore are two different things, but are often confused as the same thing, with the same meaning.
In a global modern context, a woman who sleeps around with men is known in derogatory terms as a ‘bitch’ or ‘whore.’ A whore can be further subdivided into various interpretations and meanings. It can apply to a woman who manipulates men into giving her money – perhaps also termed a ‘gold digger.’ It can imply that a woman is hyper-sexual, and enjoys sex. It can also imply a woman who lies and cheats her lovers/friends by scamming them. The term ‘bitch’ can also be applied to women with such traits. Somehow, these terms are also attributed to a prostitute. But there is a BIG difference between a whore and a prostitute. Although some prostitutes act like whores, one should not mistake all women who sell their bodies for being hyper-sexual, promiscuous, manipulative or scandalous.
It’s not obvious: Most prostitutes have sex for money – not pleasure or fun. Many of us are not gold-diggers, nor do we manipulate men into taking their money. If a prostitute was to engage in sex for fun and manipulate men into giving her money (like a sugar daddie) then she placed herself in another category: a whore. There are prostitutes who act like ‘bitches’ and ‘whores’ despite selling themselves for money. They may act as gold-diggers on the side, and try to pretend to love older rich men for their money, but those traits are not applied to a real prostitute in essence.
Aside from having sex for money, am I also a whore? For free, no. With clients, sometimes. However, I am only a whore in the context that I enjoy sex often, but only with the men I love (and occasionally in fantasies). A whore, in terms of enjoying sex, is something I don’t condemn, so long its safe and doesn’t hurt others. But the notion of manipulation and deceiving others are acts I don’t accept. I do not manipulate or deceive my lovers in the other associations with ‘whore.’ Indeed there are many prostitutes, like myself, who do not have sex with men for ‘fun and flings.’ My clients who give me money are fully aware, just as I am, that it’s an exchange only. And the men I do love…? They are aware of my intentions: I do not use them.
In my view, despite the view of society, a prostitute is much more dignified than a gold digger. A gold digger searches around for rich wealthy men, promising them love and affection, hoping to get hands on their wealth in an indirect manner. However, one must not judge even a gold digger — a lot of these girls start this type of lifestyle from a history of neglect.
A prostitute, on the other hand, is direct, straight-forward: I will give you my body in exchange for money.
I have never pretended to love any man for his money, and I never will. As mentioned, I often stop seeing clients when they fall in love with me, because it makes me uncomfortable taking their money when they love me and I don’t love them at all. One incident overseas made me more strict about my ‘strictly business’ relationship with clients, but I will save that experience for another post. Finally, it may seem that my lovers serves as my ‘sugar-daddies’, but thats not the case at all. My lovers do spoil me, but it’s reciprocal as I enjoy their company and enjoy them as a people. Reciprocity is very important for loving, meaningful relationships.
A woman once advised me, regarding my relationship with my client/lover: “Use him for his money. He’s going to leave you, so take all his money. Don’t be stupid…try to take money from him at every chance!” I disregarded her advice, because I feel grateful and content for his generosity already. I don’t seek to exploit him. This is the critical difference between that woman’s mentality and mine: I will not lower my dignity to exploit someone I love, or anyone for the record. I am comfortable with the amount he gives me, and if I seek more…..I know he will give it to me. However, I would not beg or manipulate him to get it. My pride is held in my self-reliance.
The problem with assuming that these terms are the same is when we judge others. Not all women who love sex are prostitutes. Not all prostitutes are promiscuous. And not all scandalous, manipulative women are prostitutes. And most importantly, a woman who loves sex is not necessarily a bad person. Ideas of sexuality that exist in Modern times were socially constructed, and a lot of the ‘prudish’ ideas stem from Victorian Era repressive morality.
Although not my usual type of music, the rap song, “You Wonder Why They Call you Bitch,” by Tupac gives an excellent, although heavily slanged, description of a promiscuous woman, with no self-respect, who sells and ends up destroying herself with her scandalous behaviour.