One thing I want to note before I answer questions is that my view is biased. Never assume my opinion, or anyone’s opinion, is the absolute fact for all escorts. My life, my experiences all shape the way I evaluate the world, just as anyone else’s opinion is influenced by their own context. I suggest that people always remain skeptical, because my experience and outlook is not necessarily extended to the views of all prostitutes or escorts.
Your Question: Why do women become escorts? Or, what factors make women become prostitutes?
Answer: From my observations, women who become prostitutes were placed in a situation where they needed money, and perhaps fast money. Most escorts originate from low-socioeconomic backgrounds. However, a new minority of high-class prostitutes are coming from stable-income families. They sell themselves not because they are desperate for cash, but rather they want to be part of the upper-crest of society. The money they make from selling their bodies allows these ‘materialistic’ prostitutes to buy the lifestyle associated with the high-class. The shallow values promoted by Western culture disgust me now, but I was once poisoned by the so-called promise of living the ‘luxurious’ lifestyle.
Many women I have encountered in the sex industry have been neglected in some form. When I meet with another prostitute, I like to ask about her origins. I have encountered women who seemed “normal,” but later I found out many of their life circumstances pushed them out of the realm of normalcy. Most often, I hear stories from women who were hurt by men. For instance, some women were sexually abused, which made them very wary about trusting men or others. It is ironic that such women, despite their mistrust in men, end up selling themselves to men. Often, I heard stories of women who came from a broken home, and were forced to take care of themselves from a young age. There was no element of “choice” in their circumstances. The foundation of family stability was absent for them, which left them alone to discovered how to survive. Society can be quite cruel to lost souls, or those without any familial support. Often lost souls are exploited by others. For instance, young boys without any direction are susceptible to gang involvement, and young women are vulnerable to prostitution and sexual exploitation. Although I, myself, was never abused, I feel I was a lost soul too. I had a poor sense of direction, so I fell easily into things that came my way. Thankfully, I learned how to cope with being a prostitute and conduct my experiences with clients in a relatively wholesome manner. However, it is not an easy task for a modern-day prostitute to remain resilient to all the negativity that currently surrounds the sex industry.
As mentioned in my blog, I came from a middle-class family. It would seem that I had no valid reason to become a prostitute. However, my family separated in my teens, and as a result my Mother, siblings and I became relatively poor. Because I had previously lived in relative luxury, being poor was not an easy transition. I noticed that all my peers and friends were pampered while I had nothing. My Mother tried her best to keep us happy by sacrificing her own happiness. I admire her for doing that. As I look back in retrospect, I feel sad that I internalized the idea that being “poor” was shameful. I internalized the idea that I needed to objectify myself by focusing on physical beauty, appearing elite, dressing well, etc. Yet it’s not surprising when one feels ashamed to be poor, because modern societies valorizes elitism and all things associated with wealth-accumulation. A wise person can learn to ignore the dominant shallow values, but a young mind is very vulnerable to dominant ideas.
When the idea of prostitution was introduced to me, I decided to I try it once. My first client was very sweet, respectable, and generous. What boggled my mind was that this stranger, my first client, was a more pleasant experience than my previous sexual experience (losing my virginity). I felt like a Goddess, and I actually enjoy his admiration of my body. And best of all, I had made a lot of money from that one hour encounter. That money boosted my self-esteem, and I was able to buy things that I needed. In theory, everything seemed good. But only years later, I realized that there are hefty implications for being a sex worker (social stigma, constantly trying to hide my lifestyle/identity, conflicts with love, becoming egotistic, etc). Sex with clients is not the bad part, but what became difficult is reconciling my livelihood as prostitute with a hostile (outside) society that condemns me.
When I started, I made lots of money very fast and what seemed effortlessly. And I lavished in it, and believed I was improving my life by owning all the luxury items and appearing physically beautiful. Clearly, like many in Westernized societies, I was conditioned to believe that my self-worth could be improved with money. Western-Liberal capitalistic societies values money, power and social status/prestige. When I was younger, I was not aware of how much I was being influenced to value money. I was so blinded, because I thought money would solve my problems, but actually it made me more individualistic, materialistic, and most all of, emotionally empty. I chased money because it enhanced my social status, but at the same time I neglected love and relationships with good people. I soon learnt that adopting shallow values only attracted shallow people — and these are not people who are concerned with the most simplistic forms of love, inner beauty, wisdom, etc. I came to notice how the so-called cool and glamourous people were actually devoid of any wholesomeness. I was puzzled at how people I met in impoverished countries seemed much happier than the ‘privileged’ elitists in the Westernized states. Why is it people who are poor in developing countries are happier than the poor in the West? The poor in developing countries have family and community, and their kinship societies protect individuals. Only once I was immersed in the shallow ‘luxurious’ lifestyle, I realized how the “promise” was a farce. Now, ironically, I admire those who DO NOT exhibit the traits I once admired.
Yes, some Saudi men visit prostitutes. But so do some men from all cultural backgrounds. Men of certain cultures may frequent with prostitutes more than others, but this is not “part of their culture” but rather an outcome of their socio-political context. As well, clients do not visit prostitutes for all the same reasons, so it’s hard to lump all clients into one category. Men have various and complex reasons for visiting prostitutes, and it’s not always just about sex.
In my experience, Saudi students have been a noticeable clientele due to various factors. For one, they are coming to a new country where relations between men and women are open, as opposed to home. Given they have scholarship money, it’s often easier for some to visit a prostitute for sex and companionship than the task of meeting women elsewhere. In many cases, I’ve come across Saudi clients who want more than just sex, they want a relationship.
Some Saudi students will try the services of a sex worker when they first arrive in their country of studies. This is because they have been deprived of expressing their sexuality. At first, visiting a prostitute may seem appealing. Initially, the prostitute is an outlet for their deprived sexual desires, and a prostitute is more accessible and convenient than trying to find sex elsewhere (nightclubs, bars, etc). In my observation, however, most Saudi students will not find casual sex appealing or fulfilling. Instead, they will yearn for a girlfriend-like relationship where they can receive affection and care from a woman, rather than a purely business-transaction from a prostitute. Almost all Saudi clients I’ve met, who were not married, asked me if I would consider being their girlfriend, which indicates they desire companionship. The fact I am a prostitute from a similar culture indeed influences their desire towards me. I don’t think sex, alone, is very satisfying for them, as they often want to express their romance in non-sexual ways too.
In my case, I have become the caregiver to some Saudi students. They resort to me when they are in need of affection, and sometimes chemistry arises. Often, as I’ve said before, sex is not the prime objective of these Saudi patrons. One client invited me to his home so he could prepare me a Saudi feast of kabsa. He was extremely respectful and didn’t try to ravage me, but rather was happy to have me as company. And my Sheik, technically still my client, evolved to be my partner and lover. He found affection in me, and grew attached to me despite my stigmatized profession. Like others, he said he see’s me not for my profession, but for who I am. While this sounds romantic …again, it’s a temporary romance with the Saudis.
My theory for Saudi students also applies to Kuwaiti and Emirati international students, because some share a similar experiences and have been prior patrons of mine too. This theory does not apply to older Saudi men, because they are usually married, and thus their reasonings for visiting prostitutes are different than the students. I have less experience with older (over 35) Saudi men because they are a rarity in my city. The few older Saudi clients I did have were visiting, and were also married. I suppose working in Bahrain or the Gulf would give me a totally new experience of Saudi patrons, as the dynamics are different.
An interesting article was written, called “Arab’s Got Prostitution,” which discusses the wide-spread use of prostitutes among Khaleeji men. The article has valid points, however I don’t feel it is fair to demonize all Khaleeji clients of prostitutes. Like all clients, there are ones with good and bad intentions — clients have numerous reasons for resorting to sex workers. While there are many “bad” clients who see prostitutes as sexual objects to use in a neglectful sense, there also exists “good” clients who realize our hardships and treat us with respect and humility.
It is important to understand the prostitution phenomenon in the Middle East within it’s modern context: Modernization, Neo-Liberalism, Imperialism, Globalization, War, Fundamentalist Sexual-Discourses, etc — complex socio-economic reasons contribute to why prostitution is increasingly rampant in a degraded state.
Many emergent and conflicting political, cultural and global factors have lead to Saudi men being popular patrons of prostitutes. Old gendered norms blended with new demands for modernity (Westernization) has had dire implications. Saudi youth, for instance, are now marrying much later compared to the past, due to spending their early 20′s getting an education, trying to find a good job. Old customs of bride-price (mehr) have become more extravagant, thus making it harder for young Saudi men to get married given many are not financially stable until their late 20′s. Given that Gulf laws restrict dating and interaction with non-related members of the opposite gender, unmarried Saudis are caught in an awkward position. New interpretations of gender that impose strict chastity are not compatible with new social realities (what made sense in 7th century Arabia cannot be applied to a 21st century context). Since many men do not have the financial means for ‘traditional’ marriage until their late 20′s, they are essentially pushed to find intimate bonding elsewhere. It’s unrealistic for a person in their 20′s onwards to abstain from seeking comfort/affection with another person. Thus, prostitutes become an ideal outlet for some. The outcome of numerous factors certainly correlates to men resorting to prostitutes in neighbouring Bahrain or other countries. What is tragic is when certain men (regardless of their culture or religion) show no sense of responsibility or genuine respect towards these women, which thereby conditions men to think it’s okay to ‘use a woman’ with no emotional attachment. Not all clients have a ‘neglecting’ intention towards prostitutes, but sadly many do. Even worse, discourses exist to aid a double standard in society, where ‘fallen’ women are seen as the culprits. Such neglecting behavior negates the essence of Islam, because Islam emphasizes social justice for people. The Gulf state governments have basically “sold out” to the lure of the West. Their attempts to ‘protect’ the so-called ‘traditional’ culture is a mere facade, as the old ‘traditional’ practices simply are incompatibly in the new social realities.
Your Question: Why do some men prefer prostitutes for sex?
This is a subjective question. But there is something I think about often: many prostitutes are assertive women. They have their own money and they are independent. Many do NOT cling to men, because men are multiple for a prostitute. It is not a big deal if a prostitute is unsatisfied with one man, because there are plenty of men who can replace him. Some prostitutes develop confidence over time in her sexuality because of her experience.
“Normal” women (women who don’t sell their bodies) make this assumption: pleasing the man will win his heart (it wont!). I have not read that popular book, “Why Men Love Bitches” yet, but the title alone is enough to support my argument. Men need challenge, men need mystery….and men need a woman to be assertive! A woman can still be herself and be assertive too; this does not mean she has to be dominant per say in an extreme sense. Also, the importance of personality is so crucial, and a lot of women forget about their own needs and desires. Investing all your time in your appearance might attract men, but it won’t keep the worthy ones interested. The very popular trend of women divesting their intellect and making themselves sex-objects is not very wise — as it only attracts men who view women as an object. Being beautiful, only on the outside, does not translate into being a desirable, assertive woman. A woman who thinks she can please a man by giving him, for example, oral sex everyday isn’t very challenging either. What about a woman’s pleasure? Why are most ‘normal’ women not assertive about their own sexual needs? Perhaps because ‘normal’ women are still timid about sex. This is what, perhaps, differs between some prostitutes and ‘normal’ women; prostitutes become comfortable with their bodies and sex appeal because it’s our job. For instance, I am quite demanding in my personal sex life, yet in a subtle way. I know what I desire and I am open to express it with the right man. I have certain sex expectations from my experiences with talented lovers. I cannot be with a man who doesn’t know how to give me amazing orgasms. If he can’t please me, he better learn or he will lose me. I only gained this confidence from my experience in the sex industry. For every lousy sexual partner, there is a great talented lover…so why settle for less? I’d much rather be alone than be with a man who treats me less then what I expect. Without these experiences, I probably would be too timid to demand sexual pleasure.
In a vain sense, I feel the men in my life serve me. Sure, I am a ‘service provider,’ but essentially men feel a bit intimidated by me. They know I am sexually experienced, so they know that pleasing me is not an easy task. I pose a challenge to my lovers. The irony is I can be quite insecure. But with men, initially, I would never dare to expose my insecurities.
Your Question: Do Prostitutes Enjoy Sex with Clients?
This really depends on the individual (the sex worker). Some women can get aroused by certain clients, and other women are absolutely repulsed by clients trying to give them pleasure. One escort I met told me she was molested as a child, and resultantly she hates sex with clients. She told me her services are very ‘restricted.’ She said she could never kiss a client, or allow a client to kiss her body, because the idea sickened her. Clients will argue that women who don’t enjoy sex should NOT be a prostitute, but that’s too simple to say. This woman shouldn’t be selling herself, but again many of these women do not have a choice. They were placed in a position of desperation, with limited options. Or perhaps they might have been facing some sort of addiction, and selling themselves is the only method that works for them. I feel deeply sorry for these women, because they despise selling themselves, and yet society has made no alternatives for them.
Personally, I have ‘enjoyed’ some men as clients, but it is not enjoying it the same way I enjoy my lovers (then again, all my lovers originated as clients). I say ‘enjoyed’ because sex with a client cannot compare to having sex with someone I love. I can even orgasm with clients who push the right buttons, but there is still a difference. I connect with some of my clients and feel desire with some of them. What I enjoy is a client who is easy going and not demanding. Essentially, a client is enjoyable when I feel totally relaxed. In any event I cannot show a client my displeasure; I, a prostitute, must act as if pleasure was in my nature.
My desire for certain clients depends on my personal life. When I am working and not in a relationship (single) I enjoy sex with clients more. They are my only source for sex when I am single, because I avoid casual sex. But when I am in love with someone, the idea of a client devouring my body is sometimes harder for me to digest (not always, but sometimes love can affect seeing other clients). It’s really confusing: I can still have an orgasm with a client, yet I can also have no desire afterwards for him. For me, I am just making the best of the moment with that client. For instance, I had a client not too long ago who was an absolute gentleman. He was generous, extremely respectful, and he actually made me orgasm twice. Did I enjoy it? Well, at the moment, yes and no. He had amazing sexual skills and was warm and intellectual, but of course I am not in love with him at all. He wasn’t my type either, so although he made me cum I was not really attracted. I cannot genuinely enjoy a mans touch unless I love him or feel truly attracted.
Now, if a sex worker started to develop feelings for her client, then of course she will enjoy his touch. After all, my ex-fiance was my client. Instantly we had chemistry upon meeting, so I did enjoy his touch.