A few posts back I mentioned my ex-fiancee….whom I was with for just over 2 years. We just had a fight over the phone. He knows I’m back to escorting, and I told him about the Sheik….
It’s my stupidity that I’m too blunt and open about everything with my ex. I tell him whenever I see clients, and what exactly we do. So foolishly I told my ex about this Saudi client. My ex gets furious, and will say something along the lines of, “Then why are you talking to me? You don’t love me. You love him.”
Like the millionth time my ex and I had a fight (over the phone) and stubbornly said THIS IS THE LAST TIME WE WILL SPEAK. The reality is…a few days later, one of us ends up texting or calling….because we simply miss eachother. This has been our situation since we officially broke up a couple months ago. I tell him that I don’t see a future with him, but I do want to remain friends and sexual partners. But whenever I give him the impression that I’m receiving pleasure from work he gets FURIOUS. Since I’ve left him, my ex admitted that he’s paid to see 4-5 working ladies. He claims he only had sex with one of them, and then rest were just erotic massage only. At first it bothered me, but then I couldn’t really complain considering I told him to SEE others girls (and because I have sex with 4 plus men a week!).
Anyway, I feel lonely tonight. Deeply lonely, and it’s by choice. This is something hard to describe: BEING LONELY BY CHOICE. I have friends, family, and aquantences. I even have my clients. But not one of them is someone I feel comfortable talking too. Not one. The only one I can talk to about everything is my ex ….and we just had a fight. I know its better for him to stop talking to me, so both of us can move on. Lately it has been me that keeps texting him to say that I miss him. I feel I need to be reject completely from him, so I can suffer now…and hopefully get over it. As mention, I made him leave when we broke up….but we still have never really let go of each other.
Often I listen to an old song…”Ex-Factor” by Lauren Hill. ”And when I try to walk away you hurt yourself to make me stay. This is crazy…..See I know what we’ve got to do…you let go and I’ll let go tooo…“